Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Gundam Wing character and I'm not making a profit by writing this. This is purely for pleasure!

Warnings: Language, yaoi, eventual lemon, angst, attempted suicide, silliness

ARTISTS: Hey, if you can draw, I would really like to see a picture done of Heero and Shinigami curled up on the couch together. I tried to draw it myself, but I couldn't get it to come out right. Will anyone else draw it for me??? . . . . . Please???? *gives puppy dog eyes*

This fic completely disregards Endless Waltz.

Chapter 7: Aftermath

Duo's POV

It's been seven days since the best Christmas I've ever had then lost the one piece of my past that I'd managed to hold onto throughout the war only to watch it swirl down the drain of the God damn bathtub.

Heero had to bandage my fingers that night and tried as best he could to treat my bloody, broken nails. Some of them had even split all the way down to the cuticle. Logically, my reaction was probably not in proportion to the situation. Emotionally, I felt as if I had watched Father Maxwell and Solo die all over again. I was a wreck. I avoided getting out of bed, if at all possible and I only ate when forced. I couldn't sleep and when I did, I dreamed about the fire.

I prayed a lot.

I'm not a very religious person. If I believe in any God, it would be my namesake, Shinigami. That's why it was so odd that I felt the urge to pray now. In fact, I couldn't even seem to stop praying and I couldn't seemed to stop crying and so I laid in bed all day mumbling prayers through my tears and my only anchor in the storm was Heero. Heero always seemed to be there when I needed him. He forced me to eat. He stayed up with me when I couldn't sleep. He calmed me when I woke up screaming in the night. He held me when I cried. He was near me when I prayed. And-most startling of all-he went with me when I went to Mass on Sunday.

Mere weeks ago I'd stopped Heero from trying to kill himself. Now it almost seemed to be the opposite. There were times when I wanted to follow Heero's path over the cliff. That's how bad things were. If Heero hadn't been there, I'm not sure what I would've done.