Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Denial ❯ Just This Once ( Chapter 4 )

AN Ok this is Zechs' POV, something that I've never written before so this is as new for me as everyone else. This is set in the hospital just after the baby is born. Please R&R

Disclaimer/Rating/Summary Please see first chapter.

Denial Chapter 4

Just This Once

Zechs' POV

I remember the day I realised. Realised that I, Zechs Marquise, was in love with Heero Yuy, it was further back than you might imagine. Just after the conclusion of the first war I had time to look over my actions properly but as I studied and wondered whether mankind had finally learned my thoughts kept drifting back to the same thing. Heero Yuy.

It took me a long time to realise why. At first I pinned it down to old battle instincts and the knowledge that no one had ever truly won our duel, and then I saw him, just after the Mariemaia incident. He looked so small, lying in a Preventer-standard bed, tubes, wires and machines all over the place and I found myself realising that if he died I would have no qualms about following him.

Then my sister came in and I saw the engagement ring that adorned her finger.

We had no business falling for each other, not then, not after the war and especially not now, especially not when I'm holding my only Goddaughter with the care you would hold a priceless artefact made of the most delicate crystal. He's sitting beside me, smiling at his baby and for a moment I forget that my sleeping sister is in the room, for a moment I can believe that this is our baby, mine and Heero's.

Our baby, in a world where we can be together without life kicking us down yet again. Did we not give enough for this world? Is this our punishment? To watch for the rest of our lives as the existence we could, should have had slips away. He watching his family knowing that he will never truly be happy but willing to sacrifice it one last time and me, on the outside looking in, watching them playing happy families, seeing the looks cast my way as Heero apologizes silently, yet again.

I love him, why isn't that enough? Why, when we say it, aren't we transported into a world where we can live and be happy and where everything will work out, why when I open my eyes as I pull away from him am I still in the same darkened room, sneaking just a few more seconds before we have to leave and pretend to be `just partners' again.

I remember the day he realised that he loved me, he'd said it before, of course he had, but it was always mechanical, I don't think he knew what it really meant maybe that was why he stayed with my sister. Truly believing that the sweet caring that he always felt for her, even if he didn't know why, would be enough for him. Maybe that was why he looked so thunderstruck the first time I kissed him, just before he cut through my stammered apologies to silence me in the best way. I had been certain he was going to shoot me, I wouldn't have blamed him, maybe I deserved it, he would have been happy without me, never having to face the little voice in the back of his mind that told him that something was missing. If I'm arrogant enough to believe that I am that important of course, but I can only say what I felt for him.

Why couldn't we have been caught? I feel terrible for saying it, terrible for wishing that my sister's life will have been turned upside down and destroyed by two of the people who, despite themselves, care the most about her. Why couldn't she have found out? Why couldn't someone have told her? Then at least it will have all been out in the open, we could have stopped pretending, why doesn't it always work out? Then again I suppose Relena would be saying the same.

Unable to stop myself I lean over and brush my lips against his, just once, and so slightly he may doubt that they were ever there at all. He looks up at me slowly and I see the same forlorn wishes in his own cobalt eyes, God I love him so much. Don't we deserve to be happy? Just this once?

End Chapter 4

AN So? What do you think?