Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Do I know thee whom I call... love? ❯ Spilling Out... ( Chapter 4 )

Well since I had such nice feedback I'm posting the next chapter…NAH! S'ok… `m tired of begging… and I wanted to write this anyway… (Thank you for the people who actually REVIEWED this… Love ya all and thanks so much for reading my crap!)

Oh and just as a life preserver… (mine not the characters…) this is NOT a deathfic… (there'd be warnings…I hate deathfics with no warnings on them…) I confess I thought about it a couple of times… but I love Wufei too much to just go and let him die… of course that doesn't get him of the hook… so to those of you who like angst… YES Wu-chan WILL suffer… Bwahaha!

 

Spilling Out…

 

It's been almost three months since we discovered his disease. The doctors still have no diagnosis on it; they've tested random drugs on all of their patients with very few results.

 

Thank the gods Fei was not among the ones who presented side effects… poor soldiers… some of them did not survive the first stages of the illness. Not because of some destructive effect it has… but rather because of the pain it brings.

 

The doctors know this much; that this illness itself cannot kill. The ex-soldiers who died killed themselves because they could no longer take the suffering. It doesn't compromise any body parts it strikes only the nervous system and spreads the signal that the body is in pain.

 

It's something to do with brain malfunctioning. The pain signal is, of course, a misinterpretation of the brain for there is nothing wrong with the body. The psychiatrists suspect that it happens to soldiers who were under too much pain or torture during the war… Their bodies go under a protective state before one of the pain attacks start… and once in that mode, anything can trigger them…

 

It's not that scary anymore, really. Now that it evolved into a pattern of symptoms, we know what to expect and when to expect it. That's what I tell Fey… but it's a lie. I can barely take it anymore… I don't know how he manages it.

 

When one of the pain attacks is about to start he just turns to me and explains when and why and that he has to lie down soon for the pain will start and it will be too unbearable for him to keep up with whatever he was doing.

 

It innerves me sometimes, how well he takes it. It hurts me always, to see him laying there, struggling not to scream with the pain, and not be able to do anything…

 

“Trowa…”

 

“Yes..?” He wakes me from my reverie and I know what it is he's about to tell me for the strain I see in his eyes. My heart clenches.

 

“It's about to start” He says calmly. “I'm going to our room”

 

“I'm coming with you”

 

“No. You'll stay here. Should the guys hear anything you'll have to be here to answer their questions…I'm locking the door”

 

We were at yet another one of those reunions Quatre was so found of. Poor little one… we all blame them on him, but we're all addicted to these weekends together… they seem to be the only moments we can act as ourselves when in the presence of someone else that not our lovers…

 

But this time I hadn't wanted to come. We had been planning this for a long time… the six of us took the whole week off so we could spend the time with our closest friends in some kind of “middle of the year holiday”… but Wufei's illness had been a little unpredictable lately and I was afraid he would suffer an attack in front of the others. I was already used to them, but your first experience can be shocking. It was for me.

 

“But I want to be there for you!” I countered.

 

“Trowa, as much as I enjoy the company, I need you to be here for me. Now, if you excuse me…” He whispered trying to suppress the first spasm. He turned swiftly and fled the room.

 

“What was that all about?” Duo asked me a few seconds latter coming from the balcony. I started and wondered how long he had been there.

 

“I heard it all Tro-man” He answered my unspoken question and I floundering for a moment looking for satisfying words to answer his own question.

 

“Don't even think about lying Tro… I can see it on your face. What's up with Wufie?” He pressed and I felt my heart shrink. Wufei had not told anybody about his illness. He didn't want to “bother them with his private life”, he had said. I disagreed… I still do. But I don't ever want to repeat the amount of arguing we had that week.

 

“If there is a problem, you should tell us Barton” Heero said, coming from the same direction Duo had come a moment before and I felt trapped. I might be able to lie to Duo… but I' not able to lie to Heero… he is not as kind as his lover to let it pass when you tell a blatant lie.

 

I held my breath for a moment asking Nataku for strength; that was when we heard it, a hoarse cry coming from upstairs.

 

“That's coming from you room Barton” Heero stated coldly and I froze. I felt my body start to react the way it always did when then pain was so much that Fei was not able to hold back anymore. My legs felt like jelly and my stomach was rubber mixed with molten lava and, if I moved I would probably throw up from the pain that was already building in my head. But worst of all was the sting in my eyes and the droplets I felt wetting my cheeks. I didn't want to cry… I could not possibly be crying… not in front of them.

 

“Tro, what's happening? That was Wufei wasn't it?” Duo turned to face me and I knew for sure that I was crying when his eyes grew impossibly wide and he gapped for a moment, “Tro…” he whispered.

 

Another cry and I was shaking, I couldn't endure this from afar, I needed to be there, to see him… to be with him. I knew I would not be of any help… the pain was his to bear… but oh, I would give my life up at any moment just to lift that burden away from Wufei's back.

 

Why was he the only one to develop the symptoms? Why not me? Why not the others? We had all experienced stressful situations during the war! I snapped out of my trance and dashed for the stairs, not bothering to fill Heero or Duo in anything.

 

“Fei…” I called from the other side of the looked door, I was already despairing, there was no way I could pick a lock in this stated. I had to be calm and cool… and I couldn't see me calming down any time soon… “Fei, for heavens sake love, open the door…” I begged not bothering there might be others around to listen to my endearments and shameless whining.

 

“Tro…” I heard him whimper from inside the room, “I… I can't… it's too much…”

 

Me heart was racing, I needed to be there! I needed to be inside that room. Why had I let him convince me to stay away? I wasn't thinking properly… I had lost it long ago when I saw him leaving the room with uneven steps…

 

“Fei… Get out of the way… I'm going the break the door…”

 

“Tro… don't…” He tried to protest but it was too weak.

 

“Clear?” I asked.

 

“Clear…”

 

I positioned myself and cleanly kicked the door out of the way. It was a movement I had learned long ago when Wufei started teaching me some martial arts, but that was not important now…

 

I looked around and spotted my lover on the floor, a few feet from the bed, his back to me and the broken door. “Are you hurt?” I asked as I approached him, knelling on the floor give him a once over, “Did you fall off the bed?”

 

He gave me a strained smirk, “I never made to it…” he said right before his body tensed sensing another wave of pain.

 

I swiftly took him into my arms and held tightly. We had soon learned to share the pain. I would hold him, comforting as much as I could with my presence and he would gift me with some of his bearings, his nails digging into my flesh and tearing painfully at my back. I did not try to get away from his abusive fingers, I did not complain. I felt blessed that at this stage I could still be his lover… I could still share a bit.

 

He calmed down after a while and we heard steps in the corridor. Heero and Duo had taken long probably because they had been looking for the others. Wufei looked desperately at me when four people made their appearances in our room.

 

“They heard you love, the same way I did…” I explained softly to him.

 

“I hadn't even realized I`d been screaming” He confessed whispering in my ear.

 

“Trowa what… your back is bleeding!” Duo pointed out as soon as they approached our arched forms.

 

I think that triggered a fresh wave of pain on Wufei because I felt his back tense instantly at the American's words. He gasped and I held him protectively, offering the crook of my neck for him to hide his face, understanding the shame of being seen by our friends in this state.

 

He understood and accepted my offering at once, hiding his face behind endless locks of ebony hair mingling with my own too long bangs. His nails dug into my already bleeding flesh once again, so hard that I had to stifle a cry and I might have actually gasped when I felt his teeth diving into my flesh.

 

We held together for an endless moment until I felt his muscles loosen bit by bit. He let go of my neck and I grunted, the lack of his teeth making the wound bleed profusely. “I'm sorry” He whispered softly, “I'm sorry…” He said again and, very carefully he started licking the blood, caressing my skin with his warm tongue, apologizing silently.

 

I stopped breathing for a moment when I realized he was crying, his sobs growing harder and harder to suppress. “Shh…” I soothed as I started slowly to rock us back and forward, cradling him in my arms and protecting him from the others as much as I could with just my body.

 

There was silence for a long time until Duo managed to sputter, “What the hell…?” He begun but Heero gave him a warning look and Quatre used the moment to take them away from us.

 

“Well… I take it from Duo's reaction that none of you knew about what's happening?” He questioned and the three other men nodded. “If you please follow me, I'll inform you of everything I know as I see no point anymore in keeping this a secret… I'm very sorry Wufei” He added as he turned to leave the room.

 

As they all followed him I felt relieved. Relieved that we were alone and relieved that I was not to be the one to break the news to everybody. As Wufei lifted his tear stained face to me, his desperate eyes searched mine and begged for a reassuring kiss, as our lips touched and I felt his mouth opening to allow once again my invasion, as I felt his trembling hands roaming unsure over my body, as my hips rocked up ever so slightly to reassure him that this was the right thing to do, as I lost myself in his scent, his taste, his moans, his warmth, our pain… I heard Quatre's distant words in the other room… “Wufei is very sick, he's been…” I shut him out and gave in for this ephemeral sensation, this one piece of paradise I have on earth…

 

“Wufei…”

 

TBC

 

I'm quite happy with the way this is turning out to be… what do you think?