Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Do I know thee whom I call... love? ❯ Safety Raft ( Chapter 9 )

Small Talk: Well, since this is my fic I officially chose this area to put my personal comments… If you don't want to read this just skip to the ficcie!

Anyway… for those of you who are still reading, Shini apologizes for the long time she took to add a new chapter! *bows deeply* I had a very busy week and a surgery so I needed some tome to rest… But I'm better now! YEY!

Enough about me, lets talk about this fic! Hum… this chapter came out more as a surprise to me… Quatre really shows Wufei what he's made of, I didn't even now he felt like this O.o… and Wufei… oh well, I just hope life gets better to him anytime soon! *sighs*

Really, no beggings on this chapter, but I would be REALLY happy if you reviewed me! Pretty please!! And thank you all the people who have been reading this fic and reviewing for me, you're the best and I love every time I see a review, even the shortest one! T.H.A.N.K Y.O.U!!! Now… enjoy your reading!

 

Safety Raft

 

Wufei woke up startled. He was cold and sweaty, his heart was beating fast and he had to stop a moan halfway past his mouth. He lay still for a while, evening his fast coming breaths and calming his hammering heart. After a moment he grew colder, and paler. He did not want to know why he was having a nightmare. It'd been years since his last one, and that was way before he admitted he loved Trowa...

 

`Trowa!' He screamed in his mind, and had to fight the urge not to snap his eyes open. “No”, he thought, “no use in getting all worked up… he's right here, right on this bed… if I just…” Very slowly, ignoring the part of is brain that kept warning him not to do this, he reached a hand out and touched, not the warm body of his lover, but cold empty sheets.

 

He panicked for a moment, pieces and bits of his nightmare came tumbling down, a field, flowers… Meiran's last words, his wife's corpse and her blood on his hands… Trowa's blood on his hands… his husband's corpse…

 

Just before he started screaming and sobbing miserably his real memories washed the dream away. “It's alright, Trowa's alright… he's just away on a mission…” he whispered weakly to reassure himself, “On a mission…”

 

Not that the realization made it any better… he was still cold, he felt lonely and scared as hell. Wufei hated those dreams he had about Trowa dying in his arms… they were always so real! He could almost smell the blood in his hands, the wetness, and the warm sickening slickness of it dripping from his hands…

 

He felt suddenly and utterly terrified, “Oh please…” he prayed to any gods that might be listening, “please don't let me have another attack… not now… not when he's not here…”

 

Wufei stood up carefully and slowly made his way to the bathroom, trying to keep quiet no to wake Quatre or Zechs. After the first hour of vomiting he felt stable enough to go back to the room and lay down. As soon a he hit the mattress the first spasms spread through his body and he was already panting from the sheer effort of holding back his cries. The sharp waves fallowed the warning spasms soon afterwards and Wufei had nothing to do but curl into a tight ball and endure the searing pain. He'd done it before, but knowing that his husband was not just at work nearby, but a few colonies away made it much, much harder for him.

 

After a while, small voice called from the half open door, “Wu-niichan, you in pain?” the little girl asked concerned.

 

Wufei lifted his head a little to look at his god-child. She was so small and frail in her little lace gown holding a big stuffed bear that he almost cried. “No… it's all right sugar…” he whispered, hiding his face between his knees again to muffle a moan.

 

“No lies! Wrong! Daddy tell Lena Wu-niichan sick!” She reprimanded him, shaking her head from side to side, dislodging long brown locks of hair.

 

“I'm sorry” Wufei tried to smile weakly for her. Luckily the pain was mostly over now and he was able to talk. He sighed and she came to stand at his bedside. “Lena fell better when Daddy keep her company. Lena keep company to Wu-niichan too” she said dutifully climbing on the bed and dragging the big bear with her.

 

Lena carefully unwrapped Wufei's hand from his knees, where they had been curled, and made him hug the fluffy bear; she then lay Wufei's head on her almost too small lap and started combing his loose hair with her tiny fingers.

 

“Daddy do this for Lena when Lena scared” she explained in a serious tone.

 

Wufei agreed quietly and tightening his hug around the bear. “Why do you get scared Lena?”

 

“Lena have bad dreams sometimes…” Wufei didn't answer, struggling to listen while riding another mild wave of pain. “Bad dreams `bout mommy…”

 

“You dream about your mother?” Wufei asked surprised.

 

She nodded. “But `s ok…” She assured smiling down at him, “Lena lucky… mommy don't like Lena… `bandoned Lena but Lena have Daddy and Papa now… ne?”

 

“Very lucky” Wufei agreed, “Do you like them?” He found himself asking, the talk was keeping his mind away from the pain and he was starting to relax again.

 

“Lena do!” She nodded vehemently, “Lena don't want to go back to or… or. pha.na.ge…” she spelled the word slowly.

 

“You won't pumpkin, don't worry…” Wufei smiled, assuring her.

 

“Lena's friend came back one day… to the or'nage… the fathers don't like her…” She made a face.

 

“Quatre and Zechs like you honey, they love you. You're their daughter now” He caressed her cheek and wiped away a small tear that was trickling down from her chocolate eyes.

 

“Yeah…” She agreed and then her face brightened as she asked, “Wu-niichan have daughter?”

 

Wufei sighed, “No honey, I don't”

 

“Do you wants one?” she nearly bounced on the bed.

 

“Oh… Lena… how can I tell you this? I am… I mean… I don't…”

 

“Onnichan are like Daddy, you have boyfriend ne?”

 

“Hum… Yes…”

 

“Sooooo? You can `dopt me too!” She giggled.

 

Wufei floundered for a second then he looked up at Lena's face and smiled. “Somehow I don't thing your parents are willing to share you honey…”

 

“Oh…” The girls smile faltered.

 

“But Trowa and I are still your god-parents so you'll be our little daughter in a way…”

 

“Yey!” Lena clapped her hands and kissed Wufei's forehead, “Lena like you lots Wu-niichan! I hope you stay here with Lena and papa and daddy forever!”

 

Wufei didn't answer but buried his face on Lena's teddy bear for a little comfort. They were going so well… he didn't need a reminder of Trowa's absence…

 

“Oh… sorry niichan… don't cry, please…” Lena started to despair as Wufei's shoulders slumped and he dug his hands on the bear. “I need to be strong… I can't scare Lena… she's just a child for god's sakes…”

 

“Daddy!” The small voice rouse a little and Wufei lifted his eyes from his furry companion.

 

“Shh… it's alright Lena, now Daddy will take care of Wufei now ok?”

 

“But Daddy…” Lena stage whispered on Quatre's ear, “Wu-niichan's crying… wait… can Lena…” She pointed to Wufei and then made a gesture to Quatre that the Chinese didn't bother trying to understand.

 

“Of course you can honey…”

 

“Wu-niichan, Daddy say Lena can leave you with bear for a while. It always make Lena fell better… his name is Friendly. Take good care of 'm ok?” She didn't wait for Wufei's answer, running to Zechs' waiting arms at the door.

 

Quatre smiled at her passing and closed the door behind her. “I should have come earlier…” He apologized, “But she seemed to be doing a fine job”

 

“She was…” Wufei straightened from his laying position and struggled to control his tears, he couldn't cry in front of Quatre.

 

“Don't…” the blond whispered, approaching the bed and holding Wufei's hand's midair from whipping his face. “It's not shameful to cry… you thought Duo that, didn't you?”

 

Wufei sobbed and looked away from his fellow ex-Gundam pilot. “I don't wish to cry in front of other people, though… I still have my cultural habits and…”

 

“And I'm not Duo, so naturally you don't trust me as much as you trust him. He's your best friend after all, isn't he?” He said bitterly.

 

Wufei refrained from answering, there was no use in lying to Quatre, or denying what the man already knew.

 

“You only came to us because Duo is having problems with Heero, didn't you?” Wufei flinched, he didn't think Quatre's sweet voice could sound so accusing, or so hurt…

 

“And you were suffering, but you didn't trust us… no, you didn't trust me, your brother in arms, to help you with your pain” The little blond started shaking and Wufei didn't know what to say, this reaction coming from Quatre was so unexpected. “Or am I that insignificant to you Wufei, that you don't even count me as your friend?”

 

“Winner, I…”

 

The Arabian flinched, “Winner? After everything I told you Wufei, you still call me Winner? What do I have to do to deserve your friendship? Beg?...”

 

“I don't now what…” Wufei started again but the blond just wouldn't listen, “Why is Duo, Duo, and even Milliardo you call Zechs, but you don't seem to be able to call me Quatre?!”

 

“Quatre!” Wufei raised his voice a little to overcome the blond's rushed angry words, “I call you Quatre… it's just not a habit”

 

“Why are you so cold towards me Wufei? You seem to have built a friendship with every one of us, but I'm the only one whom you still refer to on a last name basis…”

 

“I didn't know it was so important to you…” Wufei mumbled.

 

“Of course it's important! You're my friend and I'm a fucking empath! I can feel what you feel Wufei, I can sense your pain… I can hurt, just like you, not on the same level of course, but every time you have an attack I can feel it! Do you know just how hard it is to know that, even when in my house you'd prefer to take comfort on my daughter's presence instead of mine?”

 

Wufei lowered his eyes in an attempt not to see Quatre's tears. He was getting tense again and he could feel just the hint of another attack lurking from the shadows; he tried to calm down and relax but it was hard with Quatre's words nagging at him.

 

“The worse part is that he's right… I've been trying to leave him out of all this mess… But I'm not sure why… Is it lack of trust like his saying?... I don't think so, it's more because I'm trying to preserve him… I'm a way, I always thought of Quatre as the heart of the team, the frail part… the one we all have to protect… Maybe that's why…”

 

Wufei felt his arms and legs clenching again but forced himself to talk before the pain overwhelmed him again, “Quatre…” He clenched his teeth suppressing a moan, “I'm sorry… I've been wrong. I guess I was trying to protect you and didn't notice I was isolating you from my life instead. I do trust you, you're more than just a team mate to me, you're my friend”

 

Quatre's eyes gleamed and the sadness in his tears was replaced by sheer relief. He sighed, “I'm sorry as well Wufei… this was not the appropriate time to engage you on a subject such a petty friend's jealousy…”

 

“Hum…” The Chinese half smiled and lied on the bed tiredly, surrendering to his body's aches.

 

After a while he felt Quatre's warm body molding against his and protective arm wrapping around him. “I know I'm not Trowa…” he whispered, “but I might as well do my best while he's out”

 

Wufei smiled and nodded feeling Quatre's own contractions as his body experienced Wufei's pain in lower levels. “Having friends feels good” he thought, “having friends feels very good…” He sighed and closed his eyes willing the pain away, “Maybe six days isn't that much after all…”

 

TBC

 

*Shini *… I swear… when this is over I'm going to thank every single person who reviewed me…

 

Oh yes, and thank you to yuio1 who helped me with the English name for “Calmaria”, I'm going to change it as soon as I have the time…