Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Growing Up Girl ❯ Chapter 7

My new life had begun, I realized. Slowly, I began to make friends with the other women at the office. The other women. I was one of the women. The men who wandered around flirted with us. At lunch, we ate our salads, lite dressing, we were watching our figures, you know, and shared the latest gossip.

Slowly, my life was not so confined to myself. I shared with people. I invited others over for dinner. Friends would drop by unexpectedly. We would have 'girl's night out,' where we'd go to clubs or restaurants or just stay in and eat ice cream and watch movies. It was still hard for me, though, as they all talked about their boyfriends. That was the conversation that I was left out of.

I told them that I was waiting for the right man. They left it at that, but sometimes would tell me, "Duo, you really should date," or "The new guy in the mail room is pretty cute. Have you talked to him yet?"

These things nagged at me. How strange, how unexplainable, that I should run into him.

I was twenty-one and taking a bag of chips off the shelf in the supermarket when the entire shelf itself came crashing down. Noise permeated the comfortable silence as everyone turned to stare. Chip bags flew everywhere. I stepped back to begin picking them up in shame and stepped right on a bag of Fritos. The bag popped and Fritos went furiously skidding along the floor, trying to escape my white Keds tennis shoes. A few people laughed. I knelt down and began gathering them up when an employee came up beside me to help. He looked at me and smiled before his face went blank. I didn't even have a chance to smile at him.

"Duo?"

My mouth fell open and I turned away, once again ashamed. How strange that I would be confronted with my past when I was becoming so happy with the present. Heero's blue eyes stared at me. My hair fell into my face, hiding the shame that burned brightly in my cheeks. I shouldn't have been ashamed. Heero had once protected me. He was once my friend.

Our friendship had ended completely when he told me that I was "too weird."

I did my best to act more confident than I felt. I stood up and brushed off my pants casually. He worked here. They paid him to pick up messes like these. "Nice to see you again, Heero. I'm surprised you recognized me."

He stood up as well, letting his eyes travel along the length of my body. I hated being stared at like that, like he was trying to figure me out. "I think it's the eyes. Hard to forget."

I knew he hadn't meant it as a compliment, but I appeared to take it as one. I said thank you and walked away.

When I left the store, Heero followed me out, running after me to catch up. I got angry with him and whipped around, a pack of toilet paper flying out the top of my brown paper bag. He picked it up and handed it to me as I glared at him. "What do you want, Heero?"

He seemed dumbstruck for a moment as I snatched the toilet paper away and shoved it into the bag. "You just look... so different. I mean... what?"

I frowned at him. "I'm not a fucking drag queen, you know... I'm just a regular girl now. Nothing weird about that." I turned around and walked to my car. He followed me, once again, and took a bag from my hand. Without speaking, I opened the trunk of the car and let him put the bag inside before slamming it closed.

I realized that Heero wasn't trying to be mean. He wasn't trying to accuse me of anything. He had a right to be confused, I supposed. I decided to be a bit more congenial. "Listen... Heero... you're a part of my old life, is all. I don't like it coming back to slap me in the face."

He frowned, as if trying to understand, and then took my hand and shook it. It wasn't a rough, manly handshake. He held it loosely and gently. "I'm Heero. What's your name?"

I was almost too dumbstruck to say anything. I finally managed to force out my name before releasing his hand and opening the car door. He followed me, again. "Duo... I'd like to see you again. I mean, I know you don't like your old life, but..."

He left it at that. I hated it when people left their sentences hanging in the air. For all I knew, he could have been thinking, "but I'd like to kill you in a dark alleyway." Or it could have been something far more reasonable. "But it would be nice to get to know you again."

I sighed, sitting down in the car. I grabbed a pen and a piece of paper out of my glove compartment and jotted down my phone number before handing it to him. "Call me tomorrow morning. We'll get together for lunch or something."

Without a word, he nodded and turned and walked away. I watched him go back into the store, wondering what it felt like to be comfortable in your given body.

That night, I called Hilde and we got together for dinner. Of course, she was a little mad at me for not keeping in touch with her. We ordered Chinese delivery food and sat around watching tv and talking about the people from our old neighborhood.

Steadily, the conversation was lead to me. Where had I been? What had I been doing? Why hadn't I gotten in touch with her? I made excuses and skirted around the issue before I finally told her, with trepidation, that I'd been very busy working. I'd saved up enough money for the surgery and gotten it done and I was a real girl, now.

She looked ready to faint. I was smiling happily. She was the first person I'd been able to share this information with.

Then she started to cry. I couldn't understand it, at first. I leaned forward and put my arms around her and she did the same. We sat like that for a while until she calmed down, squeezed my shoulders tightly, and pulled away.

"I just... I don't know. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this, Duo. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you through it, too. I'm sorry you had to do it alone."

It was then that I realized it had been a big mistake to ever distance myself from her. Hilde had been, and would always be, I knew now, a good friend. "It's my own fault, Hilde. I just got tired of people. When my parents kicked me out, I started feeling like I couldn't trust anyone. Things just got worse from there."

"You should have known you could trust me."

"That's true. I should have." I felt very regretful.

Hilde's mood changed, then. She was suddenly happy and excited, all over me. She wanted to know all about the surgery and how everything functioned down there. Oddly enough, it was embarrassing for me. I lead the conversation to something else.

"Do you remember me telling you about that boy? At the school I used to go to?" I refused to ever call it something as embarrassing as a 'boy's school' or 'military school' ever again.

Hilde nodded, pulling the blanket off the back of the sofa to throw over her legs. She cradled her Ben & Jerry's ice cream in her lap. "Heero, I think, was his name. Right?"

I smiled. "You'll never guess what happened this afternoon."

She got excited again. "Don't tell me! You ran into him?"

I nodded sheepishly. Hilde shrieked. For someone who was twenty-one years old, she certainly could act like a child, sometimes. "Oh my god! Tell me what happened! Did you talk to him? What did he say?"

"We're getting together for lunch tomorrow."

I knew she was restraining a squeal. "What are you going to wear?"

In seconds, we were both up off of the couch and in my closet, digging through what clothes I owned to try and find something suitable for a 'date.' I began to feel anxious about the next day. We decided how to fix up my hair. And matched my shoes and purse. And found the 'perfect' outfit: a short black skirt, white blouse, and black vest.

The idea suddenly hit me. I really was going on a date. With Heero. Something fluttered in my chest. Something I didn't recognize, or hadn't acknowledged, until that very moment.

I realized that I liked Heero. Respected him, at least. Felt a great sense of gratitude, definitely. Heero had protected me. When the rest of the world had been intent on destroying me or kicking me aside or ignoring me, Heero had been there and had done the only thing he knew to try and help me: he had made me stronger. I owed him greatly.

Hilde spent the night and slept next to me in my bed. It felt odd, sleeping next to someone after spending so much time alone. I curled up at her side, remembering the last time we'd slept in the same bed: the day I'd been kicked out of my home. I made a mental note to be angry about that and to go home, one day when I was stronger, and confront my parents. If they wouldn't answer my calls, they'd have to answer to me in person.

They just wanted to forget that they'd ever had me, but they had to face the fact that I was their child. I was who I was. Accept it or not, it was true. I'd make them see that.

The smell of bacon and eggs woke me up. It was 10:30 in the morning, and I wondered how I'd slept so late. I usually woke up fairly early. Hilde was in the kitchen, cooking breakfast I smiled at her and sat down at the counter. I had a lovely little eat-in kitchen. I'd made the curtains that hung over the sink. They were a bright yellow, the color of the sun. Hilde put a plate of food and a glass of orange juice in front of me. I picked at it uncertainly. She watched, eyes narrowing.

"Hilde, in all the time I've known you, you've never been able to boil water, much less cook."

She slapped me with a dishtowel. "Things change when you're living on your own. I've picked up a few things." She sat down next to me with her own food.

We ate in silence, until she turned to stare at me. I glanced at her and looked away. "When is he going to call, do you think?"

I shrugged. "Sometime before 12, I hope."

She smiled and picked up her empty plate to take to the sink. I did the same. "Whether you want to get rid of me or not, I'm staying here until he picks you up."

"Going to be my watchdog, huh?"

"Wouldn't want to send you off on your first date with someone who'd take advantage of you."

I laughed a bit. "Heero's definitely not like that, Hilde."

Hilde washed, I rinsed and dried. I nearly dropped the glass back in the sink when the phone rang. Hilde made a grab for it as I rushed to the phone, but missed. I held it tightly as I answered the phone.

"Hello?" My heart was pounding in my chest. "This is she." I gave Hilde a smile, feeling my body relax. It was Heero. "One o'clock. Right. You can pick me up in front of my building. 713 Oglethorpe." I nodded even though he couldn't see it. "Right. I'll see you then. Bye."

I hung up the phone and kissed the glass, doing a pirouette right there in the living room.

"That was Heero, right?"

"Indeed it was. He's picking me up in..." I checked my watch. "Oh my God! An hour and a half! I've got to get ready!" I ran into the bathroom to take a shower and realized I still had the glass in my hand. Hilde was standing outside of the bathroom door when I opened it back up. She took the cup, smiled, and walked away.

I was barely ready by 1 o'clock. Hilde finally rushed me out the door as I was still putting on my shoes. We scrambled down the stairs and out the door, where we stood and waited. She sat down on the curb. I was afraid it would ruin my skirt, so I stood nearby. I barely realized that a motorcycle was coming to a stop in front of us. It didn't even register to me until he took off his helmet and stepped off the bike.

Heero smiled at me. I stared at him, then looked at the bike. It was a dangerous-looking machine, sleek and shining, looking like it could break the sound barrier. There was chrome here and there, but it was mostly black and red. Heero's jacket was black and leather. It made noise as he held out his hand towards Hilde. She shook it. I finally came back to my senses. "Oh, sorry... Heero, this is Hilde. She's a childhood friend."

"Nice to meet you." Hilde took a step back and checked her watch. "You two have fun. I've got to get going." She gave me a quick hug and whispered in my ear, "I never knew he was so cute!"

I turned to Heero, still blushing. His hair had gel in it, I could see, but it was disheveled because of the helmet. I was thankful I'd braided my hair. At least it wouldn't look as unruly as Heero's.

I realized that we were staring at each other, and looked away. I felt uncomfortable, not knowing what to say. "You look nice."

I nodded, doing my best to accept the compliment. I didn't really believe him, to be honest. "Thank you." Silence reigned until I lifted my head and walked over to the motorcycle. "So... you ride a bike? Must be fun on rainy days."

Heero lovingly stroked the seat of the bike. "I don't really mind it. When you love to ride, you endure anything from bugs to snow. Not that it snows down here."

I nodded. Savannah wasn't famous for its cold winters. Heero handed me a helmet, black with a white outline of angelic-looking wings on the sides. I tapped my long fingernails against it, uncertain. He put his on. It was white with a black outline of wings. Then he flipped down the visor, climbed onto the bike, and kick-started it. The machine thrummed to life underneath him and I watched it vibrate as it idled. He revved the engine a bit as I put the helmet on.

It wasn't easy to throw my leg over the side of the bike with such a short skirt on, but I'm sure the people across the street appreciated the view of my black panties. He yelled at me to hold on. I rested my hands on his shoulders. He grabbed onto one of them and lowered it to his waist. Were it not for the helmet and the darkened visor, I'm sure he would have seen me blush. I timidly held onto his waist.

When we started moving, my grip tightened. It felt strange, such a small thing, so powerful, between my legs, vibrating and leaning to the right or left as Heero sharply turned corners. It was almost erotic.

In a matter of minutes, I fell in love with it. My arms wrapped around Heero's waist, and I pressed up against his back slightly, relaxing. I leaned into the turns, like he did. The wind made my braid fly about behind me. I wondered what it would be like to be in control of the bike. When we finally slowed to a stop and he turned the bike off, I felt almost sad. He took off his helmet and glanced back at me as I took mine off and straightened my hair out as best I could without a mirror. I got off the bike and he followed. I was probably flushed with excitement. I knew I was imperceptibly shaking. All I could say was, "wow."

Heero locked up the bike and we went inside. It was a small restaurant with a bar and live music. I'd never been there. We took a seat in the back, next to a window. Heero ordered a beer. I had a diet coke. "Watching your figure?"

I got mad. The tone had almost seemed condescending. When I glanced at him, though, I realized that he hadn't meant it that way. I nearly smiled. "I guess so. A girl's gotta do that."

Heero ordered the country fried steak. I got the shrimp platter and caesar salad. I suddenly realized just how uncomfortable we were around each other. Heero kept looking as if he wanted to ask questions. I was doing my best to pay attention to the band, which was doing a lovely rendition of "Fast Car," by Tracy Chapman.

"There's something on your mind, I guess. You're holding back." I sighed, leaning my chin on my fist as my other hand picked up a shrimp and put it back down again.

Heero looked uncomfortable, as if he'd just been found out. "Yes, I guess I am."

"I'll do my best not to get mad, if that's what you're worried about."

Heero took a deep breath before wiping his mouth with a napkin. He started to talk, but took a quick drink from his beer and wiped his mouth again. "I just... I don't understand it. Can you explain it to me?"

I looked down at my plate, trying not to get angry. I always had to remind myself that not everyone went through this. Not everyone knew what it was like. Some people didn't understand, but that didn't necessarily mean they were against it or didn't accept it. "Heero... try to imagine... I guess this isn't a good example for a guy, but try imagining the most uncomfortable clothes in the world." I stopped and smiled, realizing that maybe this example could work. "Imagine having to wear a dress, every day of your life, Heero. Just because someone tells you that's what you have to wear because that dress is who you are. But it's not comfortable, is it? You don't like to leave your house because you know you'll have to wear that dress, and people will probably stare at you, wondering why you're wearing it."

I glanced at him. He almost seemed to understand, but something was keeping him back. I knew it would be more clear with the next comment. "Imagine never being able to take that dress off. Ever. You have to live in it day and night. You see it in the mirror all the time. That's what it's like. It's like being stuck in clothes that try to define who you are, but are incorrect."

His eyebrows lowered, nearly coming together as he thought about this. "I guess... your body is just like a set of clothes, then. It's what the world sees, but it's not what's on the inside?"

I nodded. I was quietly thankful that he understood.