Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Growing Up Girl ❯ Chapter 8

The rest of lunch was fairly uneventful. I learned that Heero was in college now, working part time at the supermarket to help pay for it. He was studying to be a computer programmer and wanted to eventually save up enough money to buy a Harley Davidson motorcycle. The thought was exciting. I'd seen them before. They were huge and powerful and loud, not like Heero's slim, aerodynamic, sporty little Japanese bike. I wondered what riding one of those would feel like. In his free time, he rode his bike and worked on his bike and washed his bike. With his free money, he bought extra things for his bike. He probably didn't date much.

"Do you do anything besides love that bike?"

Heero looked almost sheepish. I hadn't known, until then, that it was even possible. He seemed much too confident for that. "I guess I am a little obsessed. Can you blame me?"

I thought back to the ride over, and how great it felt, and realized that I couldn't. If it were my bike, I'd be the same way. "No, I can't." On that note, I stood up and picked up the black helmet, tapping my fingernails against it yet again. "In fact, I'm rather anxious to get back on it."

His spirits seemed to soar with that, and he quickly paid the check. We walked out the door just as the new band started to sing "Gimme Some Lovin'." The chorus followed us outside.

With the song running through my head, I mounted the bike, wrapping my arms around his waist again. We took off. We just rode. I flipped up the visor and felt the wind blasting my face and the sun warming my cheeks. Heero sped down Bay Street and turned onto Highway 17. We flew over the bridge and passed into South Carolina. The area was barren and flat. There wasn't a cloud in the sky and no cars on the road. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was completely and totally free. I looked up at the sky. I watched the lines on the road fly past with blinding speed. I saw the scenery rise up to meet us and then fall behind. I never wanted it to end.

Heero eventually began to slow down. He pulled onto the side of the shoulder and shut off the bike. I looked around. We were in the middle of nowhere. Literally. For miles, there was nothing but untamed weeds, swaying in the breeze. I felt suddenly anxious and scared. Why had he brought me so far out here?

Heero got off the bike, careful not to hit me with his boot. I looked around nervously before taking off the helmet. I half expected him to attack me, really. What else was I supposed to expect? I was surprised to see him walk around, arms up in the air as he stretched. He lowered his arm and rubbed his butt, and I found myself staring at it. "Is your ass asleep? It helps to walk around a bit."

I got off the bike and did the same as him, stretching my arms up. My short blouse lifted up a bit, revealing my stomach, but I didn't care.

I was surprised when I looked back down and noticed Heero staring. He blushed and looked away. Strangely, I did the same. Why was he staring at me like that? I didn't want to push him, really, but I felt the need to ask him. "Do you... like me, Heero?"

He remained motionless for a moment, and then walked back over to the bike. It was getting to be late in the afternoon. The sun was starting to fall from the sky. There was a golden glow to everything, even his brown hair. He ignored the question. "We should probably start heading back soon." He held out the helmet to me. I silently took it and put it back on.

We rode back. The sun reflected gold off of the water as we passed over the bridge. The lights of the city stretched out into infinity in front of us, the buildings shadowed. I sighed as we slowed and reentered downtown. Honestly, I wasn't ready for the day to be over. Not yet. I didn't know if I'd ever see him again.

When we slowed to a stop at a red light, and the engine thrummed quietly beneath us, I took the opportunity to pull myself up next to his ear and flip up the visor covering my face. He did the same. I screamed so that he could hear me and pointed towards River Street. "Let's go down there," I told him. He looked away for a moment before nodding hesitantly.

The road on River Street was completely cobblestone, it was so old. The bike jolted roughly as we went down it. We parked in front of a restaurant and Heero locked up the bike. Because it was a weekend, the area was lively. Music came from every direction, different notes, different songs, crashing together around us. He refused to look at me.

I felt rejection like bile in my throat. He didn't want to be here. Was it because of what I'd asked him? I sighed. "Do you want to get a drink? If not, you can just go. I'll walk home."

Heero's boot absently kicked at a stone nearby. He still wouldn't even glance at me. I held my breath, clenching my fists. I was getting angry. "Look, what I asked you back there, it was a simple enough question. If you don't want to answer it, that's fine, but don't act like I'm not here." He finally looked up at me. In the fading golden light, I realized just how dark his eyes could seem. Just looking at them was enough to wash away my anger. I wonder if it had the same effect on him, seeing mine. His face seemed to soften.

"Let's get a drink."

And just like that, we were inside the restaurant, perched at the bar. Heero had another beer. I had a strawberry daiquiri. The room was filled with smoke and people and music from an old jukebox. Eric Clapton was singing about a woman named Layla. Heero and I were talking about our lives.

A voice boomed over the room, calling out Heero's name. We both turned around to face the person calling for him. A short Asian man, Heero's age, was stomping towards us, fists clenched. Heero smiled. "You dishonest asshole! I thought you were going to come over at five? I sat in my garage all day, waiting for you to show up!"

Heero sipped his beer as the Asian man, Chinese I realized, silently fumed. He noticed me for the first time. I sipped my daiquiri through a straw, wide-eyed. "I see you've stood me up for a woman. How like you." Heero rolled his eyes and shrugged. I felt like I was watching a tennis match.

"Duo, this is Wufei. Wufei, Duo." Wufei shook my hand, eyeing me suspiciously. Or was that just my imagination?

"Interesting name."

I shrugged. "Nice to meet you."

A tall, brown-haired man appeared behind Wufei, weilding a pool stick like a weapon. He jabbed Wufei in the back with the butt of it. "You gonna chat, or you gonna play, man? We got money riding on this game."

Wufei waved a hand at him and turned back to glare at Heero. "You still owe me a rematch, by the way."

"After you're done losing money to those guys, sure."

Heero turned back to the bar after they returned to the pool table. I stared at him, wondering if I really had to ask for an explanation. Heero drank the rest of his beer and ordered another one. "Wufei and Trowa. Friends of mine. I was supposed to go over and help Wufei work on his bike today."

I felt strangely... honored. Heero had stood up a friend to be with me. I couldn't help smiling around the straw as I chewed on it. "So you do have friends. That's surprising."

"Of course I do. Sort of. They're more of acquaintances, really."

"They'd probably be devastated to hear you say that."

"Maybe."

Pat Benatar started singing "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." I turned around to watch Wufei and Trowa play pool. Heero leaned back against the bar. It took me a moment to realize that his hand was touching my arm. I didn't know if he noticed, so I didn't dare look at it, draw attention to it. The contact quickly ended as he reached behind him to grab his beer.

The pool game was over. Wufei and Trowa were handing over money to a group of older men. Heero was shaking his head. "Those two think they're damn pool sharks or something, but they can't play for shit." Heero stood up and started to walk over to them before he stopped and glanced back at me. I smiled, stood up, and followed him. As Heero racked up the balls, I took a seat near the wall, letting the cold daiquiri rest against my bare thigh. Trowa came and stood by me, arms crossed over his chest. "You Heero's date for the night?"

I nodded, smiling a bit. "Yes, I guess I am. My name's Duo." I held out my free hand. Trowa shook it.

"Trowa."

The sound of Wufei breaking was loud and solid. Balls flew all over the table. Not one of them went in. Heero bent down, quickly lined up a shot, and sunk it. "Does Heero date a lot?"

Trowa smirked. I wondered why. "No, he doesn't. We tease him about it."

"Why not?"

He shrugged. "We don't know. That's why we fuck with him."

I realized that I didn't understand boys one bit. Why would they tease their friend, simply because he didn't date much? It seemed cruel, to me. Trowa took a sip from his beer. "How long have you known him?"

I looked away. I couldn't very well tell him that I'd gone to school with Heero. Trowa may have known that he'd gone to an all-boy school. "Not very long, really. We met at the store where he works." That was partly true, I reasoned. I wasn't who I used to be. I was a new person, now.

I went back to watching the game. Heero was solids. He was winning, with one ball left on the table. Wufei was angry. When Heero's turn came back around, he impressed me, and probably everyone who was watching. He lined up a shot. It hit home, sending the three into the side pocket and then, defying all logic, the cue ball went spinning down the table, where it hit the 8-ball into a corner pocket. In one final move, he'd won the game. My jaw fell.

Wufei broke the pool stick over his knee.

Trowa smiled. "He loses more pool sticks that way..."

Heero came back to my side. I'd had the presence of mind to close my mouth by that time. He grabbed hold of my arm. "Wufei's going to be pissed the rest of the night. Let's get out of here."

I took a final sip of my daiquiri, and we left. Surprisingly, Heero didn't head towards his bike. We continued down the walkway, onto the main part of River Street. There was a blind man singing "Build Me Up Buttercup," another man accompanying him on the guitar. As we walked by, Heero dropped a dollar into the guitar case. He walked up to the railing and stared out over the river in front of us. He was smiling slightly. The moon was a bright blue color, sparkling off the water.

I held onto the railing beside him and watched a ferry float by. Lights twinkled in the distance like fireflies. Everything was so beautiful, sometimes. Caught up in the moment, I surprised even myself by sliding my hand closer to his. He didn't seem to notice. I tentatively touched his hand with my fingertips. He glanced down, looked at me, and then pulled away, stepping back.

I stared at him a moment, shocked, before looking away. I felt my eyes tearing up and tried to blame it on the wind. "You don't like me, do you? Why did you spend the whole day with me, then? Why bother to make me think that you do, if you're just going to be a jerk?"

Heero narrowed his eyes at me. I did the same. I was angry. I was more than angry. I was hurt. "I don't want to play games, Heero. If you don't like me, just say so, and you don't have to see me again."

He shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted his weight, staring out over the water. He didn't seem angry anymore. Confused, perhaps. I waited.

In an instant, the anger was back, and he turned it on me, full force. "I'm not gay, alright?!"

I was taken aback. I felt my gut clench and my knees nearly gave out. I sat down on the granite benches in front of the railings and let the nausea of self-loathing wash over me. I started to silently cry, staring at the ground and watching my tears splash on the bricks as they hit. Heero didn't move.

It seemed like forever before I was able to speak. "How could you say something so cruel?" I looked up at him. He looked as taken aback as I was. "I thought you understood, Heero. I thought you understood that I'm a woman." I broke down into sobs, covering my face.

Hadn't we just spent a wonderful day together? Hadn't he been the one to want to see me? I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to go out with him, just to have my heart and my pride and my self-esteem crushed under his heel. He sat down beside me. I felt his hand against my back and jerked away, more out of instinct than hate. Why would he want to touch me? I was disgusting to him.

But he did want to touch me. He wanted to comfort me. He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled my hands away from my face. I refused to look at him, biting my lip to keep from sobbing. "I'm sorry."

I sniffed and rubbed at my eyes, shaking my head. He pulled my hands away again. "Hey, I'm sorry, okay? You're right... I'm a jerk. I shouldn't have said that."

I continued to shake my head. I hated myself. I hated who I was. I hated that I wasn't born a girl, then there would be no doubt. "No, you're right, Heero. I'm just a freak. I'm a damn freak. I'm weak and pathetic and stupid. I was dumb for getting my hopes up, thinking that anyone could like someone like me. I'm so stupid and disgusting." I curled in on myself.

"Hey... Stop that. You know that's not true."

"Liking me would make you gay. I'm just a boy in girl's clothes to you. I'm a circus freak. It doesn't matter to you what I went through to become who I am now. It doesn't matter to anyone. I'll always be a freak." With each word, I was steadily getting out of control. My voice was rising. People were probably staring as they walked by. Heero's grip on my wrist was tightening. "I get PMS but I don't get a period. I can never have kids. I have to take pills every day just to make myself look like a girl. Nothing I do is natural. I'm completely wrong." Heero pulled on my arm roughly. His lips pressed against mine, crushing them painfully into my teeth.

I was being kissed. Of all the things to do, Heero had kissed me. It was rough and angry and tense. Every muscle in my body was tightened. My breathing was erratic from the tears that continued to come, rolling down my cheeks. He released my wrist and put his hand on my cheek. His eyes were closed. His fingers were gentle. He tasted like beer.

I relaxed. I stopped crying. I raised my hand shakily to his face. As soon as I touched him, responded, he pulled away and stood up. His hands once more went inside his pockets. I stared at him blankly, confused and tired and lonely and wanting his touch again. I realized just how needy I was, how much I needed someone to love me. I was twenty-one years old and had just received my first kiss from a man whom I wasn't sure gave a damn about me, and I wanted more. It was pathetic.

I wanted him to tell me what was going on in his head; what had just happened. I certainly had no idea. He didn't like me, yet he kissed me? Kissed me to make me shut up because he was tired of putting up with my whining? Kissed me because he was sorry for hurting me? Kissed me... just because?

"Heero, I..."

"We should get going. I'm sure you're ready to get home." He turned away from me and began to walk back up the road towards his bike. I numbly stood up and followed behind him.

I didn't even feel the leather beneath my fingers as I held onto his waist. I barely noticed the power of the bike between my legs. I didn't say a word as he turned off the bike and sat there, watching me get off the bike and head towards the door. Did I need to say goodnight to him? No... the night had been over as soon as he'd made that comment. I stepped inside the door and leaned against the wall, staring at the ceiling. It was quite a while before the bike started up and I heard him pull away.