Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table ❯ This Has Got to Stop! ( Chapter 6 )

Hee-hee!  The boys are really starting to fit into medieval times now.  Quatre is becoming quite a skilled wizard, and Heero was born to be a knight.  Trowa has his own acrobatic troupe and a captivated audience to perform for.  While it may seem like Duo and WuFei's primary past time is going at it like rabbits, they're busily doing, ah, learning, uh, working on, um, ok, they're busily doing it like rabbits!  Let's see what happens next!

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Chapter 6: This has Got to Stop!

Duo and Wu-Fei wrestled the bronze tub through the doorway.  The living room of their suite was empty.

"Good!  No one's here!" Duo grunted.  "Quick, let's get it into your room."

"I don't think it will fit through my door."

"Sure it will.  We'll tip it up on end and walk it through."

"You're dreaming."

"Trust me."

They did manage to get the tub into Wu-Fei's room, with only a few exciting moments, like when it tipped over and pinned Wu-Fei against the door jam, or when they dropped one of its artfully clawed feet smack on top of Duo's right foot.  But finally, bruised and winded, they collapsed onto the bed and admired their new acquisition.

"Do you really think no one will notice it's gone?" Wu-Fei wheezed.

"Are you kidding?  These people never bathe."  Duo flopped onto his back with his arms flung out.  "It will be months before anyone even thinks about it."

"What about the maid?  She's bound to notice it."

"We'll bribe her."

"That'll work."  Wu-Fei leaned back on his elbows and gazed dreamily at the tub.  "We need to get some hot water.  I'm all sweaty now."

"Don't talk like that.  You're turning me on."

Wu-Fei grinned at him.  "You know, we'll both fit in there if we sit one in front of the other.  We can take turns washing each other."

Duo groaned.  "Ok, now you're really turning me on."  He sat up.  "Let's go get some water."

"Ok!"

Trowa and Quatre returned to the suite a short time later.

"Do you hear splashing?" Trowa asked.

"Yes, and giggling."

They marched down the hall to Wu-Fei's room and flung the door open.

Wu-Fei and Duo were sitting in the tub, completely wet and half-covered in suds.  Wu-Fei, seated behind Duo, was diligently washing Duo with both hands while Duo leaned back against him with his eyes closed.  Presumably Wu-Fei was washing Duo's torso, but only one of his hands was actually visible at the moment.

"Where the hell did you get that?" Quatre exclaimed.

"We stole it," Wu-Fei murmured.  He nuzzled Duo's ear.  "It was Duo's idea.  One of the best he's ever had."

"I'll say," Duo agreed with a happy sigh.  "I feel so clean."

"Me too," Wu-Fei giggled.

Trowa shook his head.  "Unbelievable."  He and Quatre backed out and closed the door.

Quatre looked back thoughtfully.  "Do you suppose they'll let me borrow it?  I wouldn't mind a proper bath myself."

"You're already studying magic, Quatre.  Do you want people to think you're a warlock?"

"No one would know."  He grinned at Trowa.  "Besides, it looked like they were having fun.  Maybe you would like to take a bath with me."

Trowa lifted an eyebrow at him.

Quatre pouted and gave him big puppy eyes.  "Don't you want to wash my back?"

"You're incorrigible."

"That's Duo.  I'm adorable."  Quatre blinked long lashes at him and smiled sweetly.

Trowa smiled slightly.  "That you are."

Heero was completely disgusted when he returned and learned about the tub.  "You could just bathe in the river like you were doing."

"Too cold," Duo shuddered.

"And the soap isn't good for the fish," added Wu-Fei righteously.

"So what did you do with the bath water when you were done?"

"Bailed it out with a bucket and poured it out the window into the moat.  It's not like soap is going to do any harm there."

Heero grunted.  "Well, that's true."

"So, Heero, are you competing in the tournament tomorrow?" Quatre asked.  "Merlin said most of the knights are going to compete."

"I was invited to participate, as a courtesy.  I'm thinking about it.  It might be entertaining."

"You should," said Trowa.  "It will give us someone to cheer for."

"And I'd love to see how long those knights last against you!" Duo laughed.  "Although, you are going to have to try not to kill anyone."

"You talk like I kill people every day," Heero grumbled.

"You HAVE killed someone every day," Trowa remarked.  "At least on average."

"That's true," Wu-Fei agreed.  "You were doing better until those three yesterday."

"That wasn't my fault!" Heero groused.  "They provoked me."

The other four just looked at him.  Heero frowned and crossed his arms.

"You'd think by now they'd have figured out I'm not interested in their perverted man-on-boy urges," he complained.

"Well, the one's who've survived so far have, but Arthur has to keep rounding up new knights from other areas to replace the ones you keep killing," Quatre said.  "Merlin told me Arthur is starting to worry about the attrition.  You really need to learn restraint."

"Says the guy who reduced the knight population by eighteen for two days," Heero replied with a lifted eyebrow.

"It was temporary!"

"One of those guys still walks like a chicken."

"He'll get over it!"

Heero ran his fingers through his hair, standing it all up on end.  "Well, maybe I'll compete.  And I'll show restraint."

They all just looked at him.

"I will!"

The jousting tournament was a major event that coincided with the harvest festival.  For four days, there were feasts, dances, religious services, a few clandestine pagan rites, and the tournament.  In addition to the jousting, there were sword battles, both man-to-man and pitched, on foot and on horseback.  The man-to-man contests were ladder events, culminating in a single winner.  The pitched battles were fought until only one man remained standing.  The last four men to survive the pitched battles received awards.

Large banners hanging from the wall outside the jousting arena showed the ladders for each event.  Additional banners also listed the names of all the knights who would be competing in the pitched battles.

Examining the banners, Trowa pursed his lips thoughtfully.  "You know, it's entirely possible Heero could win every event."

"What do you mean possible?" Duo said as he munched on a piece of meat on a stick.

"Perhaps we should suggest he let a few others win something." Trowa glanced at Duo.  "The prizes are worth money.  I assume you would like to see a little of it go into the knights' purses so it can find its way into yours?  By the way, what are you eating?"

"Meat."

Wu-Fei looked sick. "Meat from what?"

"I didn't ask.  I find you go hungry less often if you don't ask where food came from.  Anyway, it doesn't taste too spoiled, so it couldn't have been dead all that long."

Wu-Fei put a hand over his mouth.  "Excuse me!" he mumbled through his fingers and hurried away.

"He's gotta do something about that sensitive stomach of his," Duo commented absently.  "Hey, look at that!" He pointed with an excited grin at a booth across from the arena.  "It looks like they're grilling something.  I'll be right back!"  He trotted over to the booth.

"Here comes Heero," Quatre said.  "He looks great in that armor, doesn't he?"

"He certainly does."

Heero walked up to them swinging his arms to check the freedom of movement in the armholes.  "This isn't too bad.  The blacksmith said it was made for some nobleman's son.  I wasn't going to use any armor, since these weapons are all so slow, but then I thought maybe the weight would slow me down a little bit." A very slight smile touched his lips.  "See? I'm trying to hold back." 

Trowa and Quatre both smiled.  Trowa pointed at the ladders.

"We were thinking maybe you should decide in advance which contests you're going to win and leave a few for the other knights."

Heero looked faintly scandalized.  "Lose?"

Trowa held up his hands.  "No! No! I was thinking maybe just come in second, that's all."

"And that's not losing?" Heero's eyebrows lowered.

Quatre put a placating hand on Heero's arm.  "Since I know it's probably impossible for you to lose a fight against multiple opponents, why don't you just come in first on the two pitched battles, and maybe second in all the others?  Jousting is very important to these knights.  If a newcomer with a few weeks of training knocks them all on their butts, it could cause problems."

"Maybe it would teach them to work harder, the lazy boy-fucking…" Heero growled.

"Heero!" Trowa interrupted.  "Here come some of your opponents."

They turned to greet the approaching knights, among them Sir Percival and Sir Lancelot.

"Well met, my friends!" Percival greeted them cheerfully. "Is it not a fine day for a joust?"

"We're looking forward to it," Trowa said.  "We've never seen this kind of tournament before."

"Well, mes amis, you are in for a treat, for you will have the pleasure of seeing one of the finest knights in England demonstrate the full flower of his manhood."  Lancelot modestly placed a hand on his chest.  "C'est moi."

"He's humble, isn't he?" Trowa mumbled under his breath.

Quatre, however, was looking up at Lancelot with large eyes and a dreamy expression.  "I look forward to seeing another… I mean, ah, a new, ah, demonstration of the full flower of your manhood."

Lancelot smiled broadly and bowed low to Quatre.  "When I have won, perhaps you will reward me with your gracious company, mon petit sorcier."

Quatre smiled.  "It would be my pleasure, sir.  I look forward with anticipation to your victory."

Lancelot bowed again and he and the other knights moved on.  Quatre stared after him and let out a long, wistful sigh.

Trowa frowned in irritation.  "Heero, if you have the chance to knock THAT pompous jerk on his ass, please do so."

Heero chuckled.  "Jealous, are we?"

"He just pisses me off."

Heero walked away, still chuckling.

"Let's go find seats," Trowa grumbled.  "Hey Duo!" he shouted, "get a move on or all the good seats will be taken."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."  Duo hurried up juggling several sticks of roasted meat, two meat and vegetable pies, and four bright yellow apples.  "Look, I got lunch!  I even asked what the meat is.  It's beef.  It even tastes like it.  Hey Fei!  Come on!" he shouted at Wu-Fei, who was trudging back toward them slowly, still looking a little green.

He paled when he saw what Duo was holding.  "More mystery meat?"

"Nah, it's beef.  I swear.  Take this." He held out one of the pies toward Wu-Fei.  "It's got vegetables in it.  Carrots, peas and potatoes.  And the meat is chicken."

Wu-Fei looked doubtful.

"Would I lie to you, man?" Duo tried to look trustworthy.

Wu-Fei nodded.

Duo rolled his eyes.  "Ok.  I swear on the prospect of not getting any for a week that this pie is exactly what I say it is."

Wu-Fei accepted the pastry uncertainly.  "Not getting any from me OR Heero?"

"Geez, do I look that untrustworthy?" All three nodded in unison.  Duo rolled his eyes again.  "Ok!  Fine! Yes!  You and Heero. It's a chicken pot pie."

Wu-Fei tentatively took a bite.  "Hey!  This isn't bad!"

"What did I tell you?"  Duo passed out the remaining food and they made their way up into the stands.

The tournament was scheduled to last for three days.  The first day was devoted to elimination rounds in the man-to-man contests.  It was obvious that the pairs had been selected to ensure that favorite knights would not be eliminated early, by pairing them with clearly inferior opponents.  The more magnanimous knights, of course, at least allowed the contest to last long enough for their opponents to not look like complete failures.

Heero's contests never lasted more than five seconds.  His opponents, however, rather than being upset over looking incompetent, seemed glad to get out of the arena alive.

"Well, so far so good," Duo chirped cheerfully.  "He hasn't killed anyone yet."

"'Yet' being the functional word," Trowa replied.

"Oh, I think he'll do fine," Quatre assured them.  "I trust Heero."

The other three stared at him.

"I do!"  Then his face melted into a dreamy smile.  "Oh look!  There's Lancelot."  He leaned his cheek on his hand with a wistful sigh.  "Isn't he handsome?"

Trowa began grumbling under his breath.  "…Heero cuts his nuts off."

Duo leaned over to Wu-Fei and whispered, "You know, I think he's jealous."

"He just doesn't want anyone else petting his kitty," Wu-Fei whispered back.

"Oh, shut up!" Trowa growled.

Quatre sighed again.

The second day of the tournament was devoted to the pitched battles.  With so many men to incapacitate, it took Heero several minutes to crush them all into the ground, especially during the mounted contest, where he had to unhorse them first.  Percival did not compete in either of these contests, so he sat with the boys in the stands. 

"You seem unhappy, Master Trowa," Percival noted.

"I was wondering why Lancelot's not competing."

"Oh, many of the more skilled knights consider the melees beneath them.  I myself am not quick enough, and usually lose anyway, so I prefer to save myself the bruises.  I'll have a fine enough collection of those when the jousting completes."  He laughed.  "Like as not, Lancelot will unhorse me before the end, as usual."

Trowa frowned.  "Does he always win?"

"If he competes.  Sometimes he abstains, to give other knights a chance at victory.  He is very generous."

"Oh, indeed!" said Quatre. "And a very fine gentleman, too."

"The finest in England," Percival agreed.

Trowa did not look like he agreed.

"Cheer up, Trowa," Duo said.  "Heero didn't kill anyone.  That's two days now.  His average is coming down."

The third and final day of the tournament was the final eliminations in the man-to-man contests, including the jousting.   Heero allowed himself to be eliminated in the semi-final round of the mounted sword, much to the astonishment of his opponent.  In the sword-on-foot contest, he went to the final round, where he graciously allowed his opponent to knock his sword out of his hand.

"That looked kind of obvious, didn't it?" Duo wondered aloud.

"I don't know." Wu-Fei looked around.  "No one seems to be saying anything."

"There's time before the jousting," said Trowa.  "Let's go down and talk to him."

The four climbed down and met Heero near the entrance.

"I'm going to check on my horse," he told them.  "That stupid beast and I need to discuss how this is going to work."

Quatre looked unhappy.  "You're not going to bite its ear again, are you?  It made such a terrible squeal last time."

"Only if it's not listening."

"If you win the next joust, you'll face Lancelot in the final round," Trowa said. 

Quatre sighed and Trowa frowned.

Heero looked from one to the other.  "You want me to run him through?"

"No!"

"Not completely."

"Trowa!"

Duo and Wu-Fei laughed.  "They really need to patch up this lover's spat," Duo said.

"Shut up!" Trowa grumbled.

Heero almost smiled.

Heero went to the final round of the jousting match by unhorsing his next opponent, causing several broken ribs and a broken arm in the process.

"But he's not dead!" Duo and Wu-Fei chimed in unison.

Facing Lancelot in the final round, Heero was eliminated on points.  Lancelot seemed unhappy that he had not unhorsed Heero.  Percival, once again sitting with the boys, watched the match with a critical eye.

"In truth, I think your young friend could have defeated Lancelot.  In that last pass, I would almost swear he dropped his lance tip just enough to miss the center of Lancelot's shield on purpose."

The four boys exchanged sheepish grins. 

"I'm sure it only looked that way," Quatre assured him.  Then he popped to his feet.  "Well, if you'll excuse me, I think I'll just step over and congratulate Sir Lancelot on his victory."  He trotted off.

Trowa stared after him with a frown.  "I'll see you guys later.  I'm going to perform with my troupe tonight."  He left, too.

"Those two need to kiss and make up."

"I don't think it's Trowa Quatre plans to be kissing tonight."

Percival looked scandalized.