Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing and the Knights of the Round Table ❯ A Knight of the Round Table? ( Chapter 8 )

herrosonss: Thank you very much for the positive review. I'll post this one more chapter, `cause you asked, but if you notice that I don't post any more for a long time, send me an email and I'll email you the link to the other site where I'm posting this story, `cause that one I'll for sure keep up to date.

RedRose: Thank you also for the feedback. I'm not discontinuing the story. I'm actually on chapter 10, and have enough ideas roughed out to continue the story for a long time. I just didn't see much point in posting it here without getting any comments back. I have noticed that readers on this site seem a lot more interested in lemons than anything else. (I write those, too. My NC17 one-shot Inuyasha yaoi-fest has more views than all my other stories combined.) But the sexual innuendo, not the sex, is what I wanted to drive the comedy in this story, which is why there aren't any lemons.

 

Chapter 8: A Knight of the Round Table?

Quatre was a woman for three long days (and nights!). She refused to leave the suite looking like a girl, so Trowa included her in his troupe's performances at dinner, so she could get out for a few hours. Everyone at court was entirely astonished to see a tiger jumping through flaming hoops, walking on its hind legs and balancing on a big wooden ball.

“They do know that's Quatre, right?” Duo asked.

“Probably, but it's still fun to watch.” Wu-Fei said. “I didn't know Quatre could balance on a ball.”

“She probably can't with only two feet,” Heero snorted.

“I bet you couldn't either,” Duo replied. “But it looks like she's having fun. Maybe she'll be in a better mood tonight.” He grinned at the others. “We probably don't have many more chances before Merlin figures out how to change her back into a guy. This is kind of fun. I don't know why it feels kinky.”

“Everything feels kinky to you,” Heero grumbled. “It's because you're a pervert.”

“That's why I enjoy life more than you do.”

Heero frowned. “Well, I've got something I need to do. I'll see you guys later.” He marched out.

“Where do you suppose he keeps going off to every night?” Wu-Fei wondered. “He came back while you were with Quatre last night, and I swear he was too tired to do it more than twice!”

“No way!” Duo stared. “Only twice?!”

“Yeah. If I hadn't done it with Quatre all those times, I'd've felt positively cheated.”

“I bet.”

“Feel like gambling tonight?”

“Got your sword?”

“Always.”

“Ok. When the show's over, let's see if we can interest anybody in a little dice. Besides, it will give Trowa time to finish up with Quatre.”

“Do you suppose he minds that the rest of us are doing her, too?”

“Nah, it's not like we're screwing his boyfriend or anything.” Duo laughed. “Come on, let's go see what that group of knights is up to. They look like they're in the mood for a little fun.”

Heero came back to the suite later that night to find Trowa reading a book in the living room.

“You're up late.”

Trowa looked up. “I couldn't sleep. The others were making too much noise.”

“I don't hear anything.”

“Oh, they stopped a little while ago. I was just finishing the chapter.”

“Hmm...” Heero looked thoughtful. “Well, maybe I'll just say goodnight to Quatre before I turn in.”

Trowa smiled. “Good night.”

Merlin came to their suite the next morning. “Good morning, gentlemen! I have good news! I found the counter-spell to the sex change Quatre cast on herself. We can put things to right in short order.”

“Oh, thank god!” Quatre exclaimed. “If I had to stay a woman another hour, I'd scream. You have no idea how raw I am.” She clasped Merlin's arm. “They're animals, all of them!” She stared accusingly at the other four pilots, who all tried to look innocent. No one succeeded.

Merlin patted her hand. “There, there, my dear. It will all soon be over. Now you just stand right there and let me fix this.”

Quatre stepped back and stared hopefully at Merlin. Merlin held up his arms dramatically.

“Vos nativesco!” he cried.

A cloud of smoke enveloped Quatre.

“That's it?” muttered Duo. “He spent three days looking for that?”

“It certainly doesn't seem like much,” agreed Trowa. “I hope it worked.”

The smoke dissipated and revealed Quatre looking like his old self again. He immediately clasped himself between the legs with a look of relief. “Oh, thank god! It's back!”

The other four broke up laughing. Quatre glared at them.

“You wouldn't be laughing if it was your genitals missing,” he declared. He turned to Merlin. “Thank you very much, Master Merlin. Believe me, I will be much more careful in the future about invoking spells I don't understand completely.”

Merlin chuckled. “Don't fret, my dear boy. All of us wizards have our own share of accidents to live down. I'm sure no harm will come of this.” He patted Quatre on the arm and tottered out.

As soon as the door closed, Quatre turned an angry glare on his comrades. “Don't think I won't forget this, you guys! You took advantage of me! It might do you good to spend a day or two as furniture.”

“Don't be angry, Quatre,” Trowa said with a smile. “You were just too cute to ignore like that.”

“Which is not to say you're not cute now,” Duo said brightly. “We can take advantage of you like this, too, if you want.”

“Oh, shut up!” Quatre growled. “I'm going to my room BY MYSELF, for a change.” He stalked to his room with his nose stuck haughtily into the air and slammed the door behind him.

“Geez,” mumbled Duo, “you'd think it was the first time he got tag-teamed.”

“Why don't the rest of you go find something to do?” Trowa said. “I'll stay here and try to cheer him up.”

“You do that,” said Heero. “I have some training to do before my… um… before this thing I have to do tonight. I'll probably miss dinner.” He went out.

“What the hell?” exclaimed Duo. “He's up to something.”

“I agree,” said Wu-Fei. “We should follow him. I want to know what it is.”

“Yeah, me too. Later Trowa.”

“Later.”

At dinner that night, Percival was acting secretive. Heero was not there and the four remaining pilots were highly suspicious.

“Percival, what's going on?” Duo demanded. “Where's Heero?”

Percival tried to look innocent. “Why, I don' know where young Master Heero is. He's not here?” He looked around in feigned surprise.

“You know something, Percival. Spill it!”

“Spill it?” Percival looked genuinely confused.

“Out with it!” Wu-Fei said. “Tell us what you know. You're as transparent as lace underwear.”

“Oooh, that sounds comfortable,” Duo murmured thoughtfully.

Percival tried the innocent look again. “I'm sure whatever has detained Heero is quite important. No doubt you'll see him later.”

“That's it! I'm beating it out of him!” Duo announced.

“What are you keeping it a secret for, Percival?” a knight suddenly called out. “His vigil doesn't start till tomorrow anyway.”

“Vigil?” the four asked in unison.

“Aye,” said the knight. “Young Master Heero's purifying himself tonight. Tomorrow morning his vigil starts. He'll pray in the chapel all day and all night for divine guidance, so as to become a true and honest knight, just like the rest of us.”

Not a breath of air stirred out of the four open mouths that gaped at him in response.

Trowa recovered first. “Heero's in a church? Praying?”

“Not yet,” said Percival. “Tonight is the purification. He bathed earlier and now he's fasting, drinking only the purest, blessed water to flush all impurities from within him.” Percival smiled apologetically. “He asked me not to tell you. He seemed to think you would make light of his devotion.”

“Us?” exclaimed Duo. “Make light of Heero going to church? Never!” Then he snickered.

Wu-Fei began to chuckle. “Heero is being purified? I wouldn't have thought there was enough water in the world for that.”

Duo began to guffaw. He collapsed onto Wu-Fei's shoulder, laughing so hard he could scarcely breathe.

Quatre slapped Duo on the back of the head. “You be nice! When was the last time you were in a church, preacher-boy?”

“Ow!” Duo rubbed his head. “It's been a while, I admit, but still…”

“What I wonder,” began Trowa, “is how they managed to get all the weapons off of him? I'm pretty sure he's still armed even when he's humping.”

“Good point,” said Wu-Fei. “Remember when he had you on your back, Duo, and you got jabbed with that knife he had in his…”

“That's quite enough information,” Quatre interrupted loudly. “Why don't we all just eat our dinner quietly and talk about other things?” He impaled a small piece of venison with his knife and stuffed it in his mouth. An odd look came over his face as he chewed and swallowed the morsel.

“You all right, Quatre?” Trowa asked. “You look a little queasy.”

“I think…” Quatre began, and he turned decidedly green. “I think I'm going to be sick,” and he leaned under the table and puked.

“Quatre!”

“Oh!” Quatre moaned. “I don't feel good at all.”

“Here, drink this, lad.” Percival offered him a goblet of wine.

Quatre put a hand over his mouth and gagged.

“He needs water,” said Trowa. A cup of water was passed down the table and Quatre sipped it carefully while Trowa cradled him in one arm. “We'd better go upstairs. I think you should lie down.”

Quatre nodded. Trowa helped him up and the two left, walking very slowly.

Percival looked worried. “I hope he is all right. Sudden illnesses of that type never bode well.”

“Indeed,” added another knight. “He didn't bathe recently, did he?”

Duo and Wu-Fei exchanged a guilty glance.

“So, Percival,” Duo changed the subject quickly, “can we visit Heero while he goes through this purification and vigil thing?”

“You may see him during the purification, but once the vigil begins, only true knights may attend him. I'll take you to him after dinner, but you must promise to be respectful.” Percival gave them each a stern look.

“Yes, sir.”

Heero was wearing a long white dress with a rope sash. Duo and Wu-Fei exchanged a glance.

“I know what you're thinking,” Heero growled. “It's not a dress, it's a robe.”

“Of course it is,” Duo said with a straight face. “Do you have anything on underneath it?”

“None of your business!”

“That would be a no,” said Wu-Fei.

“I imagine that's to let all the impurities out,” said Duo sagely.

“Um hm,” Wu-Fei agreed.

“What do you idiots want?”

“We're just curious. Why are you doing this?”

Heero crossed his arms and looked away without answering.

“Oh, come on. We really want to know.”

Heero frowned. “It just seemed like the next logical step.”

“I see.” Duo looked thoughtful. “But if you become a knight, you're really going to have to stop killing them without a good reason.”

“I always have a good reason.” At their skeptical looks, he added, “And besides, if I'm a knight like they are, they'll stop trying to get into my pants. You notice they never do that to each other.”

Wu-Fei stared. “And you said I was going to extremes getting a katana made for me so I could protect my virtue!”

“Hey!” Duo exclaimed suddenly. “If you become a knight, that'll make you Sir Heero! That's cool!”

“That's right, and I'll expect you to address me by my title from now on,” Heero deadpanned.

Duo and Wu-Fei executed exaggerated bows. “Of course, SIR Heero!”

“Now get out,” Heero snapped. “With you two fools around, I'll need to start the purification process all over again.”

Trowa was astonished when Duo and Wu-Fei told him what Heero was doing. “I guess that makes sense, though. He always likes to be the best at whatever he's doing.”

“That's Heero, all right. How's Quatre?”

“He's sleeping. He seemed a little better when we got back. That meat was probably just bad.”

“Probably.”

However, it was not the meat that made Quatre throw up the next morning. They hadn't even had breakfast yet. Trowa put a worried hand on his forehead.

“You don't seem to have a fever. Do your joints ache?”

“No, I just feel nauseous.” Quatre hung his head. “I must have eaten something bad.”

“I'll get one of the scullery maids to bring you some porridge. That's pretty bland.”

“Thanks.”

Quatre ate his porridge and was fine the rest of the day. But at dinner that night, the smell of the roast pig made him gag, and he could barely manage to eat bread and jam.

“Whatever you ate is really doing a number on you, Quatre,” Duo said sympathetically. “You're going to lose weight if this keeps up.”

“I know.” Quatre managed a wan smile. “I'm sure it will go away soon. My digestion's usually tougher than this. Does anyone know how Heero is doing?”

“Ok, I suppose,” said Wu-Fei. “We haven't heard anything. Apparently, once his vigil is over, they'll put on his spurs and then Arthur is supposed to knight him. That should happen tomorrow morning.”

“Percival said they usually have a mini-joust to celebrate a new knight's investiture, and then a feast that night.” Duo grinned. “He says it can get pretty rowdy.” He rubbed his hands together. “I found some lace-makers in the market yesterday who said they can make lace undergarments. I could use a little coin right now.”

“What's wrong with the silk ones?” asked Quatre.

“Nothing, I just wouldn't mind a little variety, that's all. Shall I have them make some for you?”

“Well…” Quatre said throughtfully. “Maybe just one pair.”

“He's been corrupted,” Trowa said mournfully.

Wu-Fei laughed.

The next morning, Heero emerged from the chapel dressed head to toe in gleaming new armor custom made for him, with shining silver spurs clinking on the heels of his boots. He was escorted by stern-faced knights from the chapel to the main hall, where King Arthur waited with his mighty sword, Excalibur, to invest Heero with all the rights, powers and responsibilities appertaining to a knight of the Round Table. He tapped Excalibur on each of Heero's shoulders proudly.

“Arise, Sir Heero Yuy, Knight of the Round Table!”

Cheers and wild applause greeted Heero as he rose and turned to face the crowd.

“You know, I just had a thought,” Trowa remarked amid the cheering. “Now that Heero's a knight, he can knock Lancelot on his ass at the next joust and no one will say a thing.”

“Trowa!” Quatre exclaimed.

“I was just thinking!”

“Say, Fei,” said Duo, “Don't you think Heero owes us an extra-long personal celebration for all the time he's spent preparing for this knighthood?”

“Absolutely,” said Wu-Fei. “But it's going to be a bitch getting him out of all that armor.”