Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Gundam Wing in the Wild Wild West ❯ Off on the Wrong Foot ( Chapter 3 )

Chapter 3: Off on the Wrong Foot

“This isn't good,” Trowa said. “That posse seems disinclined to listen to reason.”

“So let's just kill `em all and be done with it,” Heero growled. “Them, too.” He hooked a finger over his shoulder at the bank robbers.

“The sheriff and his posse are the good guys, Heero,” Treize remarked.

“Alexa's still out there!” Zechs exclaimed. “If the posse catches her and Hadeya…” He jumped toward the canyon entrance but Treize caught his arm.

“If the posse had them, they would have said something,” Treize reassured him. “Don't worry; Hadeya's with her. He is a demigod.”

“But he doesn't have any powers!”

“I do!” Quatre exclaimed. “I need to see them to transform them, but if I fly over their heads…”

“You can't speak when you're a bird, Quatre,” Trowa pointed out. “How will you cast the spell?”

“I'll land on the canyon wall above them and…”

“Get your ass shot off,” Duo finished for him. He pointed at the bank robbers. “Why don't we send these bozos down the canyon ahead of us? We can slip away while the posse is busy hanging them.”

“Wait a minute!” Luke exclaimed. “We ain't killers! We just robbed a little bank! What's the harm in that? We don't deserve hanging!”

“That's right!”

“We're decent men!”

“Shut up!” Heero snapped. “The rest of you wait here. I'll take care of it.” He stomped off down the canyon and disappeared into the ravine.

“He's going to kill everyone,” Wu-Fei stated.

There was a sudden burst of gunfire, accompanied by several surprised shouts and a few screams. Hadeya came scurrying out of the ravine with Alexa in his arms.

Zechs promptly snatched her away. “Are you all right, sweetie?” he exclaimed. “I was so worried!”

“The men didn't see us, Mommy. We were hiding behind a rock. Then Uncle Heero came out and started shooting at them so we made a run for it.”

“Cease fire! Cease fire!” a gruff voice cried loudly. “Let's talk this over!”

“That's more like it,” Quatre huffed.

“We want the money back! If you send Luke Scorby out unarmed and with the money, we'll let the rest of you go.”

“That sounds like a great plan!” one of the outlaws immediately spoke up.

“You sons-of-bitches!” Luke cried.

Duo dashed back into the cabin and came out with the pouch containing the money. He draped the pouch around Luke's neck by the strap with a grin. “Sorry, honey, but the dowry's too small. I'm sending you back.”

“Aw, c'mon, pretty lady! I was good to you, wasn't I?”

“Let's see…” Duo tapped his chin. “You threw me over the back of a horse, tried to rape me and fed me moldy food. I've been treated better.”

“He tried to rape you?” Wu-Fei's eyebrows lowered and he stared into Luke's face. “Did this low-life touch you inappropriately, Duo?”

Luke went pale. “Uh… uh…”

“Nah, but he was thinking about it.”

“That irritates me,” Wu-Fei said in a flat voice. He drew his katana. “Men like this shouldn't be allowed to keep their manhood.”

Luke's eyes rolled up into his head and he fainted.

“Well that makes it easier,” Treize remarked. He picked Luke up, money and all, and draped him over the back of a horse. He led the horse close to the canyon mouth and smacked it on the butt. “Hey, Sheriff! We're sending Luke out with the money.” The horse galloped into the ravine and disappeared. Treize turned to the other outlaws. “I suggest you find another way out of this canyon because I seriously doubt they intend to show you mercy.”

The outlaws broke and ran, scrambling desperately up the canyon walls.

“What about us?” Hadeya asked worriedly. “Father is still in the ravine.”

“I think Duo's suggestion of slipping away while they're busy hanging Luke is a good one.”

Heero reappeared. “The posse has him. They're getting ready to go find a tree. They'll probably leave a few people behind to try to trap us when they leave, though.”

“That's ok,” Roku spoke up brightly. “I'll go first and scare them away.” He bounced up and down on his paws. “This is fun!”

“I'll go check,” Quatre said. He shimmered into a falcon and swooped away. He returned a few minutes later. “All right, about half the posse has gone. The rest are hiding about five hundred meters down the ravine.” He grinned at Roku. “Don't eat them.”

“I won't!” Roku shifted into his dragon form and charged off down the ravine.

Hadeya stared. “I didn't know he could take that form.”

“Roku can take the form of any creature he sees,” Quatre noted proudly. “He's very skilled.”

Hadeya swallowed. “He's seen Jormangand…”

“Don't worry.” Duo patted his shoulder. “He said something that big would be hard.”

“That's… a relief,” Hadeya murmured uncertainly.

“Let's get moving,” Treize suggested. “Roku will have the path clear in no time.” Even as he spoke, terrified screams echoed up the canyon, interspersed with Roku's savage roars.

“Maybe you should have mentioned that Roku not dismember them either,” Zechs remarked.

“And take away all the fun?”

As it turned out, Roku had not dismembered anyone, but the scent of burnt hair permeated the air rather thickly.

“Do you think we should go back to town?” Wu-Fei asked. “We're strangers and after a bank robbery, people might ask questions.”

“We don't have any supplies,” Quatre said. “We at least need to go back to town for that.”

“And I want to take a bath!” Duo exclaimed. “I stink of that damn bank robber. And I need a proper meal, too.” He batted his eyes at Heero. “In my delicate condition, I need special handling.”

“Oh, please!” Quatre exclaimed. “You're about as delicate as a mobile suit.”

“And…” Duo continued loudly, “I want to reward my rescuers for being so concerned for me!” He grinned at Heero and Wu-Fei. “It's been at least four hours since we've done it.”

“You're thinking about sex after an ordeal like that?!”

“Sex helps calm my nerves.”

“I thought eating calmed your nerves.”

“That, too.”

Wu-Fei rolled his eyes. “You're incorrigible.”

“That's why you love me.”

“Can we go?” Quatre interrupted. He kicked his horse to a trot. “Roku, please change back to a human. Wu-Fei is right in that we should probably try to avoid attracting any more attention to ourselves.”

“Yes, Mama.”

They trotted down the ravine and made their way back through the canyons. Surprisingly, they did not encounter the posse on their return trip.

“They must have gone the other way looking for a suitable hanging tree,” Zechs commented.

“You would think a respectable town like this would have its own gallows,” Treize said.

“You'd think.”

They arrived back in town to find it abuzz with talk. People were standing about in the streets and on the wooden sidewalks chattering excitedly about the bank robbery and the hoped-for successful capture of the outlaws by the posse. They stared at the Gundam pilots as they rode to the local inn, which was easy to spot due to the large sign painted with the word “Hotel” that was mounted on the front of the building.

Feigning innocence, Quatre spoke to a couple standing in front of the inn when they arrived. “What's going on? Seems like there's been a bit of excitement.”

“Well!” the woman in the couple exclaimed. “We just had a bank robbery right in broad daylight and the sheriff took a posse after them! Imagine that!” She blinked excitedly at them, apparently waiting for them to imagine it.

“That's something,” Quatre said. “Do you think they'll catch the thieves?”

“We sure hope so!” the man interrupted sharply. “Nearly everybody in town had money in that bank. It could ruin a lot of folks around here. I hope they hang `em all, that's what I say.” He puffed his chest out importantly.

“Well, I must say, we hadn't expected such excitement. If you'll excuse us, we're going to stop in at the hotel.”

Quatre led the way past the couple and into the lobby of the hotel. It was fairly typical for the era and the location. The door opened into a small sitting area with a registration counter on the left. A wide opening on the right gave a view of a dining room where a few patrons were eating. Stairs directly opposite the door led up to the guest rooms.

A young man standing behind the counter greeted them with enthusiasm. “Welcome to the Mayflower Hotel!” he called out. “Can I offer you rooms? Or do you want to eat?”

“We would like four rooms, please,” Quatre said. “And we would also like to eat. What's on the menu?”

“We're serving grilled steaks, roast chicken, whole corn ears and fresh bread.”

Duo rubbed his hands together. “Food first, rooms later. And baths! You got bathtubs here?”

“Yes, we do, ma'am. We have separate bathing chambers for ladies and gentlemen.”

“Great! I want a hot bath waiting for me as soon as I'm done eating.” Duo stamped into the dining room and plopped down at the first empty table. “Bring me some of everything!”

“He's so unladylike,” Zechs murmured as the rest followed him into the dining room.

The girl who brought them their food, who did not seem that much older than the young man working the registration desk, was bursting with curiosity. “What brings you folks to Desert Springs?” she asked brightly. “We don't get a lot of strangers out here since we're so far from the train route. We were hoping they'd build it through here, but the railroad men didn't like the canyons outside of town, so they built it further south and went through Riverton instead. So now Riverton has gotten prosperous. We do all right here because a lot of folks come through hoping to find gold in the canyons, but we'd do a lot better if the train ran through here. So, are you gold hunters?”

Her question took them by surprise, since it hadn't seemed like she was going to let anyone else get a word in.

“No,” Treize replied smoothly. “We're just travelers passing through. That train you mentioned: how far west does it go?”

“Oh, they say it goes all the way to San Francisco now! Can you believe it?”

“San Francisco? Really?” Treize's eyes lit up. “I wouldn't mind seeing gold-rush-era San Francisco. It's supposed to be quite a place.”

Duo brightened as well. “There are a lot of gambling establishments there, I understand, to fleece the miners, mostly.”

“We have enough gold,” Quatre said sternly.

“You can never have too much gold!” Duo giggled.

“So you are gold hunters?” the waitress interrupted.

“Not specifically,” Trowa said. “Like my friend said: we're just travelers.”

“Oh. Well, my brother said you wanted to take baths, so I've got to go heat the water. Enjoy your meal!” She bustled away.

Duo proceeded to stuff himself with his usual gusto. “Man, it's no fun being draped over a saddle like that. I've got all kinds of bruises, I bet.”

“How did you manage to get taken?” Treize asked curiously.

“It was stupid!” Duo grumbled. “When the transition happened, I landed smack up against a wall and fell on my ass. See? I've got splinters in my nose. I was disoriented for a couple of seconds and when I looked up, that outlaw Luke was standing over me with this really obnoxious grin on his face. He had his hat pulled down low over his eyes to hide his face, but then he yanked his gun out and started shouting at everybody to get down because it's a bank robbery. Then everybody starts screaming and some fat jackass starts shouting for the sheriff and the outlaws started shooting their guns in the air. It was just pandemonium. I figured to just stay down too, since I was already sitting on the floor, but then Luke grabs my arm and says he's taking me along for a hostage. I said no thanks and jerked my arm away and the bastard clubbed me with his gun! See? I have a laceration on the side of my head. The bastard.”

Heero frowned. “I should have shot him.”

“Doesn't matter,” Trowa shrugged. “He's hanged by now.”

“Good.”

After a hearty meal that left the waitress a little round-eyed and the other patrons staring, Duo sat back with a long, satisfied sigh. “That is so much better!” he exclaimed. “I was positively empty. And I am eating for two!”

Wu-Fei rolled his eyes. “What an excuse! You always eat like that.”

“So what? I have to stay healthy for my baby, don't I?” Duo patted his tummy. “Now I'm ready for that bath.” He waved his hand at the waitress. “Is my bath ready?”

“Yes, ma'am!” The waitress hustled over to their table. “I'll show you the way if you're ready to go now.”

Duo stood up. “I sure am.”

“Mama, may I take a bath, too?” Roku asked.

“Me, too?” Alexa immediately chimed in.

“Isn't it supposed to be hard to get kids to bathe?” Trowa chuckled.

“Not in this family,” Quatre snorted. “Go ahead, Roku. Why don't you and Alexa bathe in the room with Papa… er, I mean… Mama Duo?” He gave the waitress a sickly grin, but fortunately, she appeared not to have been listening too closely.

“Yippee!” Roku and Alexa trotted after Duo and the waitress.

“Just so we're clear,” Duo said as they disappeared from view, “I'm not playing mobile suit attack.”

“That's a wise decision,” Hadeya murmured under his breath.

“It's not as dangerous in a bathtub,” Quatre chuckled, “just wet.”

“Maybe,” Hadeya said doubtfully.

“I think I'll take a bath too,” Wu-Fei spoke up. “I feel a little itchy.”

“Already?!” Heero exclaimed. “We've haven't even been here a whole day yet! How can you be shedding already?”

“Don't say that word!” Wu-Fei groaned. “It's just a slight itch. I'm not shedding!”

“I'd better get the oil from Roku anyway,” Heero said. “Come on; I'll oil your scales for you.”

“Thanks.”

Heero and Wu-Fei left to find the gentlemen's bathing room.

Quatre stood up. “It's getting late. We should go get rooms for the night. But I think we should probably move on in the morning. We might run into trouble if someone recognizes Duo as the woman from the bank robbery.”

Treize nodded in agreement. “We should go down to Riverton and find out what the train schedule is. I think it would be fun to go to San Francisco by train.”

“The Sierra Nevada Mountains are beautiful,” Trowa assured them, “and the view from the train should be spectacular. We should have brought a camera.”

“I'm sure Roku has one in his storage space,” Zechs chuckled.

“Good point.”

Quatre led the way back to the registration desk. “We would like four rooms,” he informed the clerk, “preferably adjacent.”

“We can accommodate that, sir,” the clerk replied cheerfully. He retrieved four keys from the array of cubbyholes in the wall behind him. “These four are upstairs at the end of the hall; two on each side.”

“Perfect.” Quatre accepted the keys and led the way upstairs. “Here we are: rooms 3, 4, 5 and 6.” He handed a key to Treize and one to Trowa. “Do you mind bunking in with the kids, Hadeya?”

“No.”

“Good.” Quatre handed him the third key. “I'll take this down to Heero and Wu-Fei,” he waggled the last key, “and tell Duo and the kids what rooms they're in. I'll be right back.”

Everyone else unlocked their doors and went into their rooms.

“That bed looks rickety,” Zechs noted. “I imagine its squeaking can be heard all through the building.”

Treize lifted an eyebrow. “You planned on some activity that would cause the bed to squeak?”

“Time travel gets me excited.”

“And you accused Duo of being a slut.”

“At least I'm only a slut for you,” Zechs purred. “Or would you rather I withheld my favors for a while?”

“No!” Treize exclaimed hastily. He wrapped his arms around Zechs and nuzzled his face into Zechs' soft silver hair. “You can be as naughty as you want with me.”

“As naughty as I want?” Zechs tilted his head back and sighed softly. “That sounds positively delightful.” He licked Treize's ear. “I think I'll start being naughty right now.”

“Oh, dear!”

When Quatre returned to his room, he had a slight frown on his face. “Say Trowa, do you hear a kind of thumping noise?”

“Yes.”

“What do you suppose that is?”

Trowa grinned. “Well, if you want me to guess, I'd say it's Treize and Zechs.”

“You mean they're…”

“Probably.”

“Goodness gracious! When are they going to get over that whole separation thing? They've been together for quite a while now.”

“They have a lot of nights to make up for. Besides, remember how bad you felt when I was missing and presumed dead?”

Quatre's eyes went round and grew bright. “That was really sad!”

“So you know how they feel.”

“I was so worried about you!” Quatre sniffled.

“I was just using that as an example.”

“But I still feel bad about it!” Tears welled up in the corners of Quatre's eyes.

“I'm standing right here!”

“But it could have been different!”

“Quatre, you're being silly.”

“I need a hug and a kiss!”

“Very well.” Trowa embraced Quatre and kissed him soundly. “Better?”

“I suppose.” Quatre sniffled some more.

“You're so sensitive.”

“I need another kiss.”

“This is going to go on all night, isn't it?”

“Do I get another kiss or not?”

“You can have as many kisses as you want.”

“Really?” Quatre brightened up. “Can I have one hundred?”

“Tonight?” Trowa goggled.

Quatre's lower lip trembled.

Trowa hung his head. “Fine, but you have to count them.”

“Ok! And that kiss just now doesn't count. We're starting at one.”

Trowa sighed and planted a firm kiss on Quatre's lips.

“One!”

When the rest of the party finally arrived upstairs damp and clean, Roku immediately began to giggle.

“What's so funny?” Heero demanded.

“Nothing!” Roku grabbed Alexa's hand. “Come on, we're in here with Hadeya, where NO ONE is being naughty.” The two children scooted into their room.

Duo grinned. “Yup, that appears to be the only room currently occupied by members of our party where naughtiness is not occurring.” He leered at Heero and Wu-Fei. “So I think we should be in our room being naughty too.”

“I'm clean!” Wu-Fei protested. “I don't want to immediately get sweaty!”

Duo sidled up to Wu-Fei and scratched his back between the shoulder blades. “How does that feel?”

Wu-Fei's eyes drifted closed and his head lolled back. “Ahhh…”

“I could do a better job if you took off your shirt,” Duo murmured. He nudged Wu-Fei toward the door to their room. “Let's step inside and I'll give you a thorough scratching. Heero will help.”

“I'm so easy!” Wu-Fei wailed mournfully, but he did not resist as he was led into the empty hotel room and divested of his shirt.

“Just think how good you'll feel after a good scratching, a thorough oiling, and a long, slow screw.”

“I give up!” Wu-Fei collapsed onto the bed on his stomach.

Duo straddled his butt and began to scratch briskly. “Get over here and help, Heero.”

“No thanks. I'll just watch.” Heero balanced the jar of oil on his palm. “Let me know when you need this. Is he shedding?”

“I'm not shedding!”

“Doesn't appear to be. Not yet, anyway!”

“Shut up!”

“We'll have to ask Quatre if he wants to keep the scales again,” Heero remarked. “He can make one of those dragon scale shirts for you.”

“That would be nice. Yours is very pretty and practical too.”

“Would you two stop discussing the clothes you can make from me?” Wu-Fei grumbled.

“You should be happy we appreciate your multi-faceted talents.”

Wu-Fei muttered something in Chinese that was probably not flattering.

“I heard that,” Heero said.

“Ok, time for the oil,” Duo announced, “and then it's time for sex. I think we have a lot of fucking to do to catch up with the others.”

“It's not a competition.”

“But I have a reputation to uphold as the biggest slut in the group. That wretched Zechs is trying to outdo me. And innocent little Quatre is making a big play for the title himself. Both of you get your pants off and get to work. It's not easy getting bombarded with the images of all the fun the others are having. I want some too!”

“Oh, very well,” Heero muttered. He handed the oil to Duo. “Make sure you oil him all over. We may as well keep him busy from both sides.”

“What?! Wait a minute…!”

“You bet!” Duo giggled gleefully. He started applying oil liberally.

“Stop that!” Wu-Fei shouted. “Get your fingers out of there! What do you think you're doing?”

“Noisy, isn't he?” Duo chuckled.

“Extremely,” Heero said irritably.

“He'll quiet down once we sandwich him.”

“So let's start. He's giving me a headache.”

“I don't see why I have to be involved,” Wu-Fei complained.

“It's more fun that way,” said Duo.