Series: Gundam Wing

Inner Torment: Going Under

Lyrics by: Evanescence

Story written by: Tiasha

Disclaimers: standard disclaimers apply. In other words: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS!!! Except Richard Morii and Delegate Patterson, and any other character unfamiliar to the show. Do not sue me for anything but my imagination, which will not get you far in the courtroom. If there is any similarities between my story and another, I apologize but all I have to say is, I guess great minds think alike after all. Ja na! Enjoy!

//Now I will tell you what I've done for you

Fifty thousand tears I've cried

Screaming, deceiving and bleeding for you

But you still won't hear me

(Going under)//

"Do you have any idea how much it hurt? Day in and day out?" she asked him, clenching her fists. Why was she feeling like this? She had given up long ago! She wasn't supposed to falling for him again!

He said nothing and so she continued. "I'm sick Heero. I'll never get better…and I have to say that it's partially your fault. You know I hate placing the blame on others but-what do I have to do to get you to hear me?!"

"I do hear you Relena. You're shouting so how can I not?"

"Damn you Heero! Don't patronize me!"

"Relena, let me help…please…"

She stared at him in disbelief. Had he really just asked her that? Did he really expect her to accept his help after all the pain he had caused her? What did he take her for? She wasn't that stupid little lovesick girl who had chased after him during the first Eve war anymore! She had grown up! She was over him! And he didn't care about her the way she had always hoped he would since he always left.

//Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself

Maybe I'll wake up for once

Not tormented daily, defeated by you

Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom

I'm dying again//

She glared at him as he watched her expectantly. That bastard…he did expect her to except his help! Well, too bad…she wasn't going to give in! She wasn't going to fall for him again! It would only lead to more pain and rejection id she did…

"I don't want your help, Yuy. I can do this on my own."

His brows furrowed as he glared back at her, "How? By trying to kill yourself again?! Damnit Relena! You need help!"

"Maybe I do! But I want my problems to have nothing to do with you! I can't take it anymore! All these years have been tormenting because I can't forget you! You were in my thoughts all day and it hurt! And now that you're here it hurts even more!"

"Relena, I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't you get it?! I'm already dieing Heero…what difference does physical pain make anymore?"

//I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through

I'm going under//

"I can't have you near me at this time…I-I-if you stay I'll fall again and I don't want to-"

"Relena, you don't have to do this on your own."

"I know that! But I can't have you helping me! I have to do this on my own! I have to prove that I can! I have to! Why can't you understand that?"

//Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies

So I don't know what's real and what's not

(Don't know what's real and what's not-don't know what's real and what's not)

Always confusing the thoughts in my head

So I can't trust myself anymore

I'm dying again//

"You don't have to prove it to anyone."

She gave him an odd look; she didn't have to prove it to anyone? What about herself? Didn't she have to prove it to herself? She ahd to prove to herself that she could get over him! And to do that she had to this on her own!

But…hadn't she been doing things like this on her own for the past few years anyway? He hadn't been around for the past few years so hadn't she been doing things on her own? Why did she still have to prove herself then?

He was doing it again! He was confusing her! She didn't know what she was supposed to do! And she couldn't trust herself again…she had to get away from him! He had to leave her alone for a little while longer.

// I'm going under

Drowning in you

I'm falling forever

I've got to break through//

"Relena…"

She looked up and found him staring at her with a look she didn't dare to define. She couldn't-she was over him! He had never shown any indication of being attracted to her! Why was he making her fall for him all over again?

'No! You can't let him do this!' she thought to herself, shaking her head to clear the traitorous thoughts from the forefront of her mind. 'Ignore him! Shut him out! Just like he did you! Slip inside yourself, girl!'

//So go on and scream

Scream at me I'm so far away

I won't be broken again

I've got to breathe

I can't keep going under//

She watched him with a blank expression as he seemed to speak to her…but she couldn't hear him... She had done it! She had pulled herself far enough away as to not hear him! She wouldn't let him hurt her or deceive her again!

But why was she suddenly finding it hard to think straight? Why was she feeling lightheaded? Why-why-?

She gasped as blackness began to tinge the outside of her vision. Why was she dizzy? What was going on? She couldn't pass out! She had to stay awake and alert otherwise he would win! She couldn't-she couldn't-

She was having trouble fighting off the blackness that was enveloping her sight and she pressed a hand to her temple as a severe migraine began to pound against the front of her skull. What the hell was going on?!

Relena looked back up at Heero to see an expression of surprise on his face. Why was he looking at her like that? So what if she had slipped too far? Why did he even bother to care?

'Heero…don't let me fall under……'

The blackness won and as the room and the man in front of her disappearing from her sight, she cursed herself for having fallen again. She couldn't keep going under like this! She just couldn't…