Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Insecurities 1 ❯ Chapter 5 ( Chapter 5 )

Chapter 5

 

5.1: A little B & E

 

“I fail to see how you could ever justify such an action,” Wufei grumbled.

 

“The correct word is we,” Duo said kneeling by the lock. “We are doing this.”

 

“The correct word for breaking into Lady Une's office is insanity,” Wufei grumbled as he let Duo work on the complex lock.

 

“At least it's not card key or finger print or retinal scan,” Duo said concentrating on the business at hand.

 

“Well,” Wufei said thoughtfully. “If someone managed to get this far inside Headquarters undetected, none of those things might matter.”

 

“Or this is just a decoy office and the real one is elsewhere,” Duo supplied. Wufei looked up sharply. That had not occurred to him or to Quatre, who was the unwilling accomplice to the mad cap attempt.

 

“Really, you two,” said Quatre, looking around nervously. “Can you two not argue for a bit?”

 

“But what's wrong with it,” Duo said looking up. “It's not like we're not supposed to be here. Act natural.”

 

“I'm a lookout,” Quatre said in a nervous whisper. “Breaking and entering isn't my specialty.”

 

“Big help you are,” Duo said. “Both of you are getting on my nerve. Wufei, you're blocking my light. Can't you go and stand elsewhere…”

 

“Like in the corridor,” Wufei grumbled. “In full view of the night cleaning staff.”

 

“Well, you are wearing a flowery blouse,” Duo said cheekily. “Stand with your hands on your hips and look pretty.”

 

“It's not my fault that they still don't have uniforms,” Wufei said, blushing scarlet.

 

“But it's night,” Quatre pointed out. “You didn't have to wear it. I know regulation calls for you to show up in uniform for work but really, someone would think you enjoy wearing that.”

 

“I most certainly do not,” Wufei said in a strangled voice.

 

“Hah,” said Quatre quietly.

 

“Do you have something to add, Winner?” Wufei said in a dangerous tone.

 

“Empathy,” Quatre said, snickering at Wufei.

 

“Meaning,” Wufei said, glaring at Quatre. He took a threatening step forward.

 

“Get over it,” Duo said with a grin, tossing his comment over his shoulder before turning his back to the other two, to continue working on the lock. “We both know you are too soft to do anything to Quatre. At least now…”

 

“He just implied I enjoy dressing this way,” Wufei said in a low voice, struggling to control his volume.

 

“I did no such thing,” Quatre said looking as innocent as you. “Did I Duo?”

 

“Don't you two gang up on me,” Wufei growled.

 

“Got it,” said Duo happily as he pulled on the lock and it slid open neatly. “Nice and easy.”

 

“That's it?” Quatre asked looking relieved.

 

“No,” said Duo. “There's a backup in the basement which is going to be a little tougher than this. Quatre, you work on this terminal here while I go to the basement and see if I can alter data there.”

 

“What should the altered data say?” Quatre said resignedly when he realized that it was too late to back out. After all, he'd just broken into his superior officer's stronghold; it was far too late to back out.

 

“Same mission, only it's going to be Trowa and...um…one of us,” Duo said thoughtfully.

 

“I can't believe we came this far before thinking up the details,” Wufei groaned. “Send in Barton and Winner. They can settle their differences on the way or come back as …”

 

“Not going to work,” Quatre said with a shake on his head. “This is supposed to be an undercover operation and the owner of Winner groups waltzing in to L4 in sunglasses is anything but undercover. Most people there know me, including my sisters and I'd don't think it'll be much of a secret mission with three reporters tagging along.”

 

“Fine,” said Duo with a shrug. “I'll go.”

 

“I'll go,” Wufei said instantly.

 

“You might want to stay,” Duo said thoughtfully. “Remember, you were supposed to do a weekend shift.”

 

Wufei scowled at the reminder. “Winner can do it,” he said

 

“No,” Duo said patiently. “Sally will think you are on some grand scheme to avoid her at all cost. Plus, if Quatre pulls in all the weekend shifts and the night shifts people will think he's lobbying for an administrative position.”

 

“Thanks a lot,” Quatre grumbled. “I just took this night shift to avoid Trowa…”

 

“That's great,” Wufei grunted then looked aside with a grimace.

 

“You have something to tell me?” Quatre demanded a little angrily.

 

“Well,” Wufei smirked at that. “I'm not the empath here.”

 

“Meaning,” Quatre said in a low voice.

 

“You are doing it all wrong,” Wufei said a little smugly, leaning against the wall.

 

“Ok,” said Duo turning around. “Why don't the two of you work on the terminal here while I go down to the basement and see if I can tap into that terminal? We just need to make sure our travel details and everything are in my name and not in someone else's.”

 

“Don't we need a password to log into Une's computer?” Quatre asked as Duo looked at the two of them with a pleased expression.

 

“Here,” Duo produced a rewritable disk. “Put this in and boot the computer - make sure you boot it from the disk. Should get you past the security measures in no time. If that doesn't work…” he stepped forward and fixed a com-unit to Wufei's left ear, “…give me a call and I'll come running.”

 

“Where'd you get this from?” Wufei asked, fingering his ear.

 

“I thought you'd be curious,” Duo said with a grin. “We are all assigned a few hardware - it's in our rules and regulations book -which you never bothered to read. I see that Quatre is wearing his but all you seemed interested in was your flowery blouse.”

 

“I…” Wufei spluttered.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Duo rolled his eyes. “You aren't a sticker to rules anyway. But you remember, when in a field mission, you have to call in every four hours and all this is long range with a limited frequency and you'd better read up on that before we go on our first mission.”

 

“You and Trowa, you mean,” Quatre said a little dejectedly. He wouldn't have really minded a mission with Trowa which sounded like a honeymoon getaway. “You'll have people here monitoring your mission.”

 

“No,” Dou said firmly. “I'm going to be communicating with you people while on the field `cause I don't think I want to report back to Sally or Noin who'll get too suspicious about this.” Duo did not have to say out loud that having one of the Gundam pilots as backup was more reassuring. They were more reliable than the regular PK field operative observation staff, many of whom had never been on the field.

 

“Can we get this over with,” Quatre grumbled. “I'm getting nervous from all this talking. We are doing something illegal after all.”

“Fine,” Duo rolled his eyes. “Whatever.” He reached forward, adjusted Wufei's collar and kissed him on the nose before walking down the corridor with his braid swinging left and right, his tools in hand.

 

“Let's get this over with,” said Wufei as he stepped into the office followed by Quatre. He rubbing his nose and steadfastly ignoring Quatre's knowing look as he stepped inot the office, his cheeks blazing red.

 

Lady Une's office was Spartan; no paper on the desk, no files…nothing. There was a 3D-holo of Treize mounted on a side niche but it was a standard OZ issue, showing him in his military uniform, a mobile suit silhouetted above him. That was the only personal touch in an impersonal office and looking around made Wufei feel slightly depressed.

 

“Let's do this,” said Quatre, stepping past Wufei and reaching the desk. He powered up the computer, slipped in the disk into the slot and looked up as Wufei walked up to one of the wall terminals.

 

“It's going to take a little time,” Quatre said as the computer rebooted and codes started to run across the screen.

 

“We'll wait it out,” Wufei said as he looked at it. “When does your night shift end?”

 

“Midnight,” Quatre said with a shrug. “We've got time.”

 

“So, this your way of avoiding Barton,” Wufei said with a shrug. “Seems to me that I was wrong about you Winner.”

 

“What do you mean?” Quatre asked, looking up from the computer screen, his face pale.

 

“I thought you had inner strength,” Wufei said looking at the far wall. “When Duo was all out campaigning to try and get you and Barton together, I told him you were strong enough to face your own demons. You could stand up to anything and get what you want.”

 

“But…” Quatre said, a little less confidently. “This is different.”

 

“You are the most people-orientated of us,” Wufei said. “You are the one who is the most compassionate …so what's Barton doing wrong?”

 

“I…” Quatre said, his cheeks burning red with embarrassment. “All he seems to want is sex.”

 

At that Wufei snorted derisively and reached forward. Quatre flinched before he realized Wufei had reached for the keyboard to press a key. “He's seventeen, not seventy-one,” Wufei said as the computer screen cleared to show a desktop with the PK logo in the background. “It would be strange if he didn't want it.”

 

“That's big coming from you,” Quatre said before he could help it. “You are the one who…”

 

“I am involved with two different people and trying to make it work,” Wufei said with a scowl. He looked around for a pointer before seeming to realize that the screen was touch sensitive and proceeded to open the files.

 

“But…”

 

“What do you want Winner?” Wufei asked abruptly. “Where Barton is concerned.”

 

“What do you mean?” Quatre asked as he continued to study the screen.

 

“Roses and wine and dinners and dances…” Wufei said absentmindedly as he worked on the files.

 

“I want him to like me for myself and not just see me as a sex object,” Quatre said firmly, looking at the file names. “How about that one…flower festival.”

 

“Looks like background information,” Wufei said dismissively. “And Quatre, you are such a girl.”

 

“Oh!” There was a pause. “Was that an insult?”

 

“You figure in out,” Wufei said as he scrolled down. “You and I may be the only two people from the five of us who's ever had a normal family background. Trowa, Heero and Duo do not …did not have what you would call an ordinary childhood.”

 

“Meaning?” Quatre said looking puzzled.

 

“I don't know,” said Wufei looked straight at Quatre's blue eyes. “Just that …I don't know how to say this since I just figured it out myself” he looked away with a grimace. “…from the whole Duo and Heero issue…”

 

“Tell me,” said Quatre, leaning against the table and crossing his arms.

 

“If you like someone…” there was pause as Quatre held his breath wondering if Wufei had finally had sudden shift in character“…you meet them half way.”

 

“What!” Quatre asked.

 

“You know,” there was a longer silence and the computer beeped but they both ignored it.

 

“No, I don't,” Quatre said a little snidely. “Otherwise, would I be listening to advice from Chang Wufei on how to improve my love life?”

 

“You are right,” Wufei said hastily. He reached for the computer. He scrolled down a little more, found the file, opened it and started to make the necessary alterations. “Forget I said it.”

 

“I can't,” Quatre said with a snarl. He grabbed, Wufei, turned him around and used his body to pin him to the desk. “You can't give me titbits of information then leave me wondering about it. Come on, `Fei…what am I doing wrong with Trowa?”

 

“I don't like you that way,” Wufei said with a shrug to ease the blond's hold on his blouse then groaned. “Hit me, I can't believe I said that. Must be Duo's influence.”

 

“Is that what you meant when you said about meeting them half away?” Quatre asked seriously. “Like letting Duo change the way you think?'

 

“Did I tell you I hate pineapples on my pizza?” Wufei said thoughtfully as he extracted himself from Quatre's grip.

 

“But…” Quatre prompted him.

 

“I order it for Duo everyday,” Wufei saved the file and closed it. “I even eat it.”

 

“You mean I should put up with Trowa's …”

 

“That's not the right word, Winner,” Wufei growled pushing his hands off the desk. “Putting up with something means you are some martyr suffering through a relationship. You need to be able make some changes of your own and not regret it.”

 

“Wow.” Came a stunned voice over the earpiece. “Did you just say that?”

 

“Duo,” Wufei almost jumped out of his skin. “You were listening?”

 

“Go on,” Duo urged from the basement. “Say something Quatre.”

 

“I don't think he can hear you,” Wufei said.

 

“Yes, I can,” Quatre said touching his earpiece. “Duo's on an open frequency.”

 

“Well then, let me put this into a simple language for you,” Duo said with a flair. “Quatre, you can't expect Trowa to change unless you change `cause none of us is perfect.”

 

“Change,” Quatre parroted.

 

“You know,” Duo said. “If you want him to act in a certain way, you tell him. None of us are telepaths here. You want him to act in some way you tell him and you tell him clearly. Trowa, Heero…those guys don't operate by the same rules we do. You have to tell them word by word what you expect of them …and you can't expect them to treat you like …um…a girl and act in that way because you tell them to. It's their choice.”

 

“But…”

 

“You've known Trowa for ages so you're over the get to know each other phase.” There was a small thump and a whoop. “Just gave myself a first class flight out of here. Have to add Trowa as well or it'd look funny…”

 

“That's nice, Duo,” Wufei said wryly. “Just get out of there. Our work is done.”

 

“So maybe I should ease off,” Quatre said in a small voice.

 

“You should loosen up,” Duo said over the link. “You know…make a couple of dirty jokes and not expect Trowa to treat you like some damsel in distress from that soft porn stuff for housewives.”

 

“Gah,” said Wufei as he shut down the computer. “Quatre, you go ahead. I forgot to get the disk out.”

 

“I'll wait,” Quatre said, his face red. “And I don't act like a girl. I just wish…”

 

“You're a Gundam pilot for crying out loud, Winner,” Wufei exploded. “You want a guy, you get him. You want him to act in a certain way, you tell him. You aren't some whinny kid with an attitude….”

 

“I…”

 

“What he means is,” Duo said over the com-link. “You can't act like a spoiled brat and expect us street trash to understand the intricacies of relationships.”

 

“I didn't mean…”

 

“Me, Trowa…Heero, we didn't get home education and hugs and all, so don't expect people like us to live up to your standards of romance,” Duo's voice sounded bitter as he spoke.

 

“Am I getting a talking to here?” Quatre asked in a small voice.

 

“Oh, yes you are,” Duo said. “Ease up with Trowa and be his friend…not some stranger demanding perfection.”

 

“Well, I…” Quatre was starting to sound a little stunned.

 

“Oops,” came Duo's voice and both Wufei and Quatre looked up sharply.

 

“Tell me you aren't busted,” Wufei said.

 

“I' m not busted,” Duo sounded pissed. “I just came across a green haired punk who's asleep in the basement storage closet.”

 

“Sally finally got fed up with him and kicked him out,” Wufei grunted.

 

“Maybe…” Duo said thoughtfully. “But I don't know…”

 

“I'll come down and take a look,” Quatre said decisively. “I'm supposed to be on night duty so I'll just call Sally if it looks like he's about to pull a disappearing act.” He walked towards the basement lift and stopped to look over his shoulder at Wufei who was tapping away at the computer.

 

“Wufei.”

 

“Go ahead, Winner,” Wufei said half-aware of his surroundings. “I'll catch up with you soon.”

 

“And …thank you…both of you…” Quatre said softly as he headed out. “But maybe some of what you said to me should be applied to Heero as well. Duo!” he called in a more authoritative voice. “Get out of there. You'd better be gone by the time I show up so I can think of a suitable excuse for Sally.”

 

 

5.2: A Damsel in Distress

 

Wufei had been about to power down Lady Une's computer when he spotted the small folder marked with a series of question marks. By nature, he did not pry but he was teenager with a teenager's sense of curiosity. He double clicked the file to open, promising himself that he'd close it the moment he got a glimpse of what it was about.

 

It was probably something totally useless like Lady Une's porn collection[1] or her security camera recordings of Zechs undressing. Wufei looked at the file inside in confusion; it was some sort of long, detailed document on some of the trainees - arranged by name.

 

There was a Zack Claudius - Wufei touched it open. Hmmm, the guy was some sort of reformed drug abuser and in need of further observation. Great, now they had dope addicts as fellow work mates- he wondered what Heero would say to that. And near the end was the name that had been plaguing him for a while Yao `Jasmine' Fei Yen.

 

Without a second thought Wufei opened the file; he knew it -she was some sort of psychotic stalker or a mentally unstable …there was her birthday -she was older than him by three months…and…oh!!!

 

The file was longer than he'd expected it to be and more detailed.

 

The Yao family had been among the last ones to leave the colony before the attack -- in escape pods that had been as old and outdated as the colony itself - as much a death trap as a life line.

 

The OZ troops had been aware of bands of colonists abandoning L5 but they were not leaving fast enough and the officer in charge of the `pest cleaning operation' had been a tad too eager to complete his assignment.

 

The family had barely escaped the mobile suits and the pursuing fighters, loosing one of the escape pods to space missiles. In it had been two other families, Jasmine's mother, her younger bother of two, a family servant and a pet canary[2] (at least it wasn't a cricket, they were supposed to bring you luck)- as well as all their belongings.

 

When they had been picked up by the battleship, the remaining escape pods had been drifting in space for over ten days, running low on air, shield generators failing - two of the elderly had died of exposure and there'd been no way of disposing the bodies since there had been no way to open the airlock. Then the file went on to list the places they had been to home- in a refugee colony not far from L2 and from there they had left to Earth. Amazingly, the remaining family members had managed to stay together - Jasmine, her father, three elder brothers, a grandmother and a crippled aunt.

 

The entire family lived in a large house, not far from the Headquarters in an area of the town dubbed `China town' for obvious reasons. The Yao family ran a number of businesses from dabbling in the stock market to a small Feng Shui shop just next to the family house.

 

The entire family was politically active -trying to bring down the OZ regime that had obliterated their colony - though the file was far too politically correct to say that. Two of the brothers had been arrested several times, the youngest being some sort of petty thug who was prone to throwing rocks and breaking into buildings claiming they were OZ supporters' homes, and the second some sort of public speaker, who made derogatory speeches about the OZ regime in supermarkets and subway stations. The oldest son did not have the time to collect an arrest record, since he ran the family business along with his ailing father. The middle son, the file read, needed to be watched carefully, since he was the most intelligent of the lot, trying to use political maneuvering to win back at least some of what they had lost when the colony had exploded. He had also managed to gather a large number of people with connections to the former L5, who were willing to work with him.

 

The sister, Jasmine was the one who had been ignored from the beginning. She was a female in a male dominated household (only the grandmother remained, since her aunt had passed away shortly after they had arrived on Earth), with a higher than average intelligence but no motivation to use it. Jasmine's political views were neutral and she had expressed no ulterior motivation when she had joined the PKs. The physiological evaluation had termed her normal, whatever that was. (None of the Gundam pilots had undergone physiological evaluation for obvious reasons.) She had simply expressed a desire to build a niche for herself away from the influence of her family.

 

`Not true,' Wufei thought. The file was obviously wrong. Jasmine had tried to make him come and meet her family. There was a strong bond between her and the family, which everyone was too blind to notice. He wondered just how wrong the file was about other aspects of that family. Perhaps with Jasmine a PK, Lady Une probably thought she could force the Yao family to behave itself.

 

And there was a medical file attached to the end…

 

It was full of medical gibberish, most of which Wufei could not understand. He made a mental note to himself to sign up for a couple of pre-med courses for the next semester, then read it over twice to make sure he understood it - not that it needed special clarification.

 

When people first started going to space in badly shielded ships, they had died like flies on electrified fence. The deep space radiation killed as many as 75% of the first spacers - the mutations it produced in the second generation were unspeakable. Prevention was found in the form of shielding and protective clothing but a cure for space radiation sickness was yet to be discovered The mutations it produced were far too varied and in some cases, unrecognizable to be treated properly. It affected different people in different ways.

 

When shielding in the escape pod Jasmine had left L5 in had failed, everyone in it had been exposed to a large dose of space radiation despite the best efforts of the adults inside. The children had been dressed in space suits and wrapped in protective radiation coverings - which had saved them from the worst of it. Many of the adults exposed to the radiation had died in the first year -- Jasmine's father suffered from a form of bone cancer which was eating him from the inside. He was not expected to last the year The older brother was sterile - the second and third however appeared to be amazingly healthy, showing no ill effects of having been exposed. Jasmine on the other hand was sick.

 

She was sterile - no hope of children but it was not the worst. Most people lived their entire lives without reproducing. Her body was simply shutting down. What was wrong with Jasmine was not something modern medicine could cure - it was not a disease or a sickness. She was simply dying faster than a normal human would. Sally had predicted that Jasmine would live past the age of twenty. Maybe up to twenty five - with proper care, medication and life support. But the bottom line was Jasmine Yao was dying of space radiation sickness -slowly but steadily and there was no way of stopping it.

 

Wufei remembered to disk this time before stumbling out, his head full of information. He had an apology to make to a female he had dismissed as a frivolous idiot.

 

5.3: Phobia experts

 

Trowa tried to ignore Duo who was fidgeting next to him, chatting up a beautiful Space Shuttle attendant. He leaned back against the headrest, closed his eyes and tried hard not to think about how nauseated he was feeling.

 

“Uh, Tro,” Duo spoke to him. “How about something to eat? Helen just said she'd give us a complimentary …”

 

“No,” Trowa snapped before the sentence was over.

 

“You ok?” Duo inquired, ignoring the hovering attendant to concentrate of Trowa instead. “You look kinda pale…sure you don't want a drink.”

 

“No.” Trowa gripped the armrest as the engine started the warming up sequence. First class (who knew the PK budget office were this generous) was more comfortable than a normal space shuttle and the padding cut down the noise but he was a pilot and he knew what the faint trembling under his feet meant - the engine was heating up. He swallowed hard and tried to relax his fingers…

 

“Does your chest hurt?” Duo inquired. “You look awfully pale.”

 

“I'm fine,” Trowa ground out.

 

“Wow, that's abrupt, even for a person of few words,” Duo said cheerfully. “Lighten up man, this is going to be great.”

 

Trowa wondered if it was worth the bother to uncurl his fingers to strangle his partner. He might even be able to pass if off as an accident once he'd returned. No wonder Duo had two lovers -just one person could not put up with that.

 

“Tro.” There was a worried tone. “Breath…you're turning blue.”

 

“I'm …” The shuttle started down the runway and Trowa clapped his mouth shut, almost biting off his tongue.

 

“Excuse me,” said Duo told the girl hovering close by and turned fully towards Trowa. “What is it? Do you want me to stop the shuttle?”

 

“No,” Trowa said again, this time to stop the tirade. He was grateful in a way that it was Duo who was witness to his weakness, not anyone else. He knew that despite his seemingly loose tongue, Duo could be trusted with a secret. “

 

“Care to explain to me what this is about?” Duo asked. “You mad at me for partnering with you? I know Heero or Quatre could have….”

 

“I'm…” Trowa struggled. “…not very fond of shuttles.” He finally admitted.

 

“Shuttles as in space shuttles?”

 

“No,” Trowa almost shouted. “Shuttles as in what you play badminton with.” Several people turned towards him and he tried to sink back even more into the well-padded seat. Duo did not even blink at the outburst, looking more worried than anything else.

 

“But you're a Gundam pilot,” Duo said making him grit his teeth. “You pilot stuff in space. So how can you…is this a control issue? You don't like other people in charge… Is this that you feel so helpless if you're not in the cockpit…?”

 

Trowa opened his eyes and looked at Duo, puzzled. “Where did you get that idea from?” Him, a control freak.

 

“Uh…” Duo blushed. “I read up on it a bit.”

 

“Whatever for?” Trowa asked, sitting up, curious now.

 

“You know…physiological stuff,” Duo looked even more embarrassed. “Everyone needs a hobby. So…what's with you and space shuttles.”

 

“I just don't like open space much…” Trowa finally admitted. “You know, after…Quatre shot me into space, I sort of drifted around a bit.” It was an understatement. It had felt as if he was floating around for eternity, with the silence of space all around him. There was no gravity so he didn't know what was up or down, unable to control his suit's rotation, the sound of his breathing echoed in his ears and his helmet seemed to contract around him.

 

“I know,” Duo said thoughtfully. “We came to get you from the circus remember.”

 

“And as long as I'm in space, I'm fine,” Trowa said in a small voice. “But after that incident, take offs and landings sort of …” he searched for the correct word. “…freak me out.”

 

“Oh,” Duo said in a small voice. “I sort of know what you mean.”

 

Trowa did not reply but leaned back again as the shuttle completed take off. Talking to Duo, he realized, had helped elevate some of his fears. “I don't know whether to be annoyed or not over the whole thing,” he said. “I'm fine most of the time and then…like today…it was totally unexpected. I thought I was over it and then I almost get a panic attack.”

 

“I shouldn't be telling you this,” Duo said leaning back into his seat. “But I guess since you are the only person who doesn't know…well…I have this sort of problem, too, you know?”

 

Trowa waited patiently to see if he'd be told the rest of it. When nothing was forthcoming, he looked at Duo and asked as gently as possible. “Is this like a panic attack?”

 

“Um…” Duo squirmed a little then pulled down their privacy screen. At the start of the flight, the only people who pulled down the privacy screen were those who wanted to sleep, screw or breast feed kids… but Trowa did not think they were going to be doing any of those things. “It's a sexual nature.” Duo blurted out.

 

Trowa had a sudden flashback to a panic syndrome he'd read about called penis panic, which was common in Africa and Asia where the people afflicted lived in fear that their sexual organs would shrink away to nothing.[3]

 

“What…” Duo said drawing back as if stung and Trowa realized he was smiling. “You think I'm making it up.”

 

“Duo!”

 

“Well, I'm not,” Duo said clearly hurt.

 

“I just remembered something else,” Trowa said. “You aren't panicking about losing your penis are you?”

 

“Uh---NO,” Duo shouted. “I…I…I was raped when I was a kid, all right.”

 

After making that stunning statement, Duo leaned back against the seat and took a deep breath. “It's like…I don't mind it when I top…you know…I topped with Wufei…” somehow Trowa never imagined Wufei as a bottom and he was already getting far too much information. “…but I paniced when he tried to do it to me and…well with the three of us…you know…Heero, `Fei and me…” Trowa was about to get his first ever nosebleed. “…I sorta panicked. I think it's `cause, well…they outnumber me two to one…” Trowa was hoping this was not an invitation to group sex “…but then Heero did this finger thing…” Trowa did not want to know what, Heero was his friend “…and I was fine but I think I was fine `cause they stopped and if they had gone all the way I would have panicked. And then yesterday Wufei got angry and …” about what Trowa wondered, not that Wufei needed a reason to get angry “…you know he lifted his hand and I panicked. I thought he'd try something with me and…”

 

Duo took a deep breath.

 

“I don't get it,” he said plaintively. “I know neither Heero nor Wufei mean me any harm and I want to bottom…” Again, way too much information “…but I can't do it. And I think Heero and Wufei will eventually get fed up with me and move on…you know just the two of them.”

 

“With each other?” Trowa asked in surprise. He had no idea that Duo had this kind of insecurities.

 

“Can't you see how they'd get fed up with me finally and kick me out?” Duo said miserably. “You knew Heero well for a time - and he …doesn't like whiners, right? And do you see Wufei enduring my weakness?”

 

“That's stupid,” Trowa said firmly. “I think they both l…like you…a lot. Otherwise… why would they put up with you?”

 

“That's a stupid thing to say,” Duo said, looking for a moment as if he was about to cry.

 

Trowa groped around for something to say. “You'll be fine,” he said finally. “You'll see.”

 

“But how do you get over it?” Duo asked, almost wailing.

 

“You see it though,” Trowa said finally. “I've seen people at the circus who lost their nerve after taking a fall. There was a high-wire artist who fell - into a safety net -who refused get up on anything higher than a stool after that. But another guy, fell off a horse, broke his leg but was back doing back flips on the same horse the following month. It's how you react to these events.”

 

“How do I get back on the horse?” Duo asked.

 

“You have to trust Heero and Wufei,” Trowa replied promptly, the reply already in his mind. “They'd never let you fall, they'd never hurt you or do anything you don't want.”

 

“I guess that's true,” Duo said thoughtfully.

 

“Have a little more trust and know they're yours,” Trowa said with a smile. “It takes time and sometimes you never get over it but…Duo…sex is something beautiful. Don't let anyone else take it away from you.”

 

Duo looked at Trowa with his mouth open.

 

“Don't let some pervert rob you of the best thing that's happened to you,” Trowa said firmly.

 

“Does Quatre even know you think like that…about sex?” Duo asked, looking slightly stunned. Trowa shrugged - that had no been a conversation topic between him and the blond. “Who knew you had such depths? But from what Quatre told me, it seemed as though you were…”

 

“I was what…?” Trowa prompted

 

“You know,” Duo blushed. “As if all you wanted to do was screw him.”

 

“What's wrong with that?” Trowa asked puzzled. “My life's best experiences have been with people I care about - having sex - or making love…”he shrugged. “It's personal and anyway. I'm not good with words. I'm better expressing how much I feel for them that way. And with each person, it's unique…special…”

 

“Maybe you should tell Quatre that,” Duo said thoughtfully. “I think we all see sex differently.”

 

That statement gave Trowa something to think about while Duo drooled against his shoulder. He was thinking so hard, he forgot to panic when the Shuttle landed.

 

[1] does she like 'mutant love' and 'tentacle rape' or is that just the doujinshi?- Stray made me wonder. This is not Wufei's thought. He's too sweet :)

 

[2] birds are more sensitive to air pressure changes and stuff so at least according to Arthur C. Clerk you should keep a bird with you to measure CO2 concentration

 

[3] It's true…check out Wikipedia if you don't believe me. From Stray - and do look up Vagina Dentata

 

a/N - part of what Trowa tells Duo near the end is from a speech I got off the net for rape victims. It was done by a woman for women but I thought I was all right to use it here. I've lost the reference, but will try to find it if someone wants it. I know Jasmine's sob story is too long but I just couldn't edit it coz I'm running out of time. Don't kill me over this ppl