Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Justitia ❯ Chapter 15

Justitia 15: If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost. -Lloyd Douglas

Wufei lay sprawled across the carpet, the photo in his hands again as he soaked up the sun. He could hear the shower in the background and idly traced a finger over the scars on his bare chest, trying to recall what it had felt like when they were not there. But it was too long in his mind and he gave it up, rolling onto his side and reaching up to put he photo back on the TV.

He couldn't get the conversation with Heero out of his head. They'd slept right there on the floor, Wufei not wanting to move and Trowa apparently deciding he didn't need to, and he hadn't been able to stop the churning in his brain. He wasn't sure if he believed it; if Heero Yuy would really have run off to Russia to save him. Except Heero never lied; always did as he said he would. Heero's actions spoke loudly, because his words rarely did. It was food for thought. A lot of thought.

It hurt to think about Heero's words, just as it had hurt to listen to them and Wufei had to wonder about that. Because everything hurt at first, but after a while, somehow, Trowa's words didn't. It was as if Trowa took the pain when he spoke, stealing it into himself and then letting it run away, leaving Wufei a little emptier, a little lighter, but no weaker.

Which was strange, because he was, not that it was his fault. Whatever Sal had given him in those meds was making his skin crawl and his muscles feel like jelly. They'd knocked him out for most of the night and he really didn't feel like moving much. Every limb felt like it weighed a tonne.

The shower stopped, and Wufei heard the rustle of clothes through the door before it opened and there were feet. He tracked them through to the bedroom, then back out again to his side, and there was a shadow stealing off with his sunlight, but he didn't mind. He rolled onto his back and looked up at Trowa, who was just standing there, looking out the window at something Wufei couldn't see. But that was okay. Wufei saw lots of things Trowa couldn't see and it was better that way. Better no one ever see.

"Can we go in to work today?"

Trowa looked down at him and Wufei knew he was surprised, but he also knew Trowa was thinking about it, mulling over Wufei's reasons for asking and he waited patiently, already knowing the answer.

"Yes." Because Marie would be at Preventers in the afternoon.

Wufei let Trowa help him up, his knees shaking a little as he tried to get them to straighten. It took effort just getting to the bedroom. If he knew where Trowa was hiding the damn meds he would drown them all in the toilet without a second thought. But Trowa had, apparently, caught onto that perverse little desire and there was no sign of them.

They didn't bother with uniforms, so Wufei pulled on jeans, one of Trowa's shirts and grabbed his coat, quietly pleased that his new boots were already soft enough not to give him blisters.

They were walking out the door when Trowa handed him a hair band. Wufei's hand snaked about the back of his head and he tripped momentarily as he realised his hair was out. It didn't last long as he quickly pulled it back into the familiar tail. Trowa was chuckling softly but Wufei ignored him as he climbed in the passenger side of the car and let Trowa drive them.

The garage was quiet and full. Trowa was already heading for the stairs when Wufei turned off to the side, suddenly curious. He found his car in the back of the garage, in a musty corner near the janitor's storerooms. It was rather spectacularly filthy. He vaguely recalled it was blue.

Trowa appeared at is side and Wufei tunred to find him smirking.

"This is your car?"

Wufei just shrugged. He couldn't even recall buying it. Trowa grabbed the hood on the back of Wufei's coat and flicked it over Wufei's head as he laughed, walking off toward the stairs.

"Can we sell everything you own?" Trowa aksed when Wufei caught up to him and Wufei frowned. There was very little he wanted to keep. Still, it would make an odd garage sale.

"I keep the swords," he finally replied as they emerged in the foyer. The guard at the desk gave them the strangest look but Wufei ignored him, following Trowa because they were walking upstairs instead of down.

"And the computers," Trowa added, as if as an after thought. Wufei just nodded, trying to avoid the way people were watching them. It was worse, somehow, than when they didn't see him at all.

Trowa walked into the Agents floor and through several small twists and turns until he got to his office. Wufei could not begin to imagine why it was smothered in yellow post-its.

There was a knock at the door and he turned to see a very nervous looking woman there and glared. She dropped the file she was holding and had to pick it up before she could hand it to Trowa. She stuttered when she spoke and when she left Trowa actually stuck his head the door to watch her disappear quickly around a corner. Wufei just stood there, trying not to feel it.

"Well, that was weird," Trowa noted as he turned around, tossing the file on his desk. His gaze met Wufei's and he froze momentarily before glancing back at the now empty doorway.

Understanding dawned there and Wufei swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. He wanted to run away but could not; would not. But more than anything else he realised he wanted someone, anyone, to touch him. To look at him and see him and still step forward and acknowledge he existed.

And Trowa did, for a quick, all too brief moment, fingers trailing down his arm, but it wasn't enough. It served to send a shiver through Wufei and little else, the memory right there, the pain blinding. He wanted more. Needed…

He didn't know what he needed. Shaking his head, Wufei headed for the door and went to wait in the hall. It was abandoned, not a sign of life and several doors were suddenly shut. He glared at them, not even sure anymore why he was mad. It was no less than he expected, nothing more than what he had been facing for a year, and yet it was different. Because he was listening now. Because he could see it.

Movement coming around the corner caught his eye and he looked up to see Duo, who paused, did a double take and then raised a hesitant hand in greeting as he strolled down the hallway. Trowa had an armful of papers when he came out to stand at Wufei's side, catching sight of Duo.

"Hey, Tro. Wufei. Back already. Guess the mission wasn't as hard as Une thought." He grinned and Wufei wanted to deck him; wanted to rip the smile right off his face. Instead he just stood there, wishing he could feel the cold because he was sure something was about to swallow him whole. He kept hearing the click of the bullet sliding into the chamber, of the gun cocked and ready, the safety not on, the metal somehow warm in his hand. Over and over the gun loaded until Wufei could feel it in in hand.

"Guess not," Trowa replied tightly and a hand slipped around Wufei's wrist, tugging him closer to Trowa's side and Wufei let himself lean in, just that tiny bit, silently begging for Trowa to let them leave, to go downstairs where it was quiet and no one could see him.

"That's a wicked scratch," Duo said conversationally, leaning forward to swipe a finger over the graze on Wufei's cheek. "You reckon it'll scar?"

Fire in his belly, Wufei thought he would collapse there and then, skin crawling as the touch registered with the words and he could hear the bullet sliding into the chamber, over and over. Click, click, click.

The fingers around his wrist tightened.

"Probably not," Wufei replied quietly, mouth dry and filed with bile.

"Ah well, better luck next time I suppose." And he winked, sliding past them and practically waltzing into his office. There were muffled voices but Wufei couldn't make them out through the sound of the bullet sliding into the chamber, again and again.

Trowa hauled him back into his office and slammed the door, pulling him completely into strong, warm arms and they were all that kept him up as his legs gave out completely, amost taking both of them to the floor as he struggled to separate the here and now from the then.

He was shaking. He could feel it, feel the limbs shivering uncontrollably but he couldn't find where they were attached to him; couldn't find the mechanism that told them to stop.

The door opened and closed but whoever it was didn't say anything, just stood in the shadows, waiting. Trowa moved them toward his desk and let Wufei slide down into the chair, kneeling down and folding his arm across his stomach and Wufei flet his limbs moving out of reflex, legs coming up tuck his feet underneath his body, everyhting closing in, folding away from the pain and the bullet jammed in the chamber and was still.

He looked up to see Heero looking rather uncomfortable in the doorway and grunted. That was embarasing. And yet, it wasn't. Heero waited until he had both of their attention before stepping forward and passing Trowa a copy of the report Trowa had filed last night.

"This needs to go to archives," he said softly, giving it to Trowa but looking striaght at Wufei.

Trowa took the file and they all just stayed there, as if someone had hit pause on the television of life. Then Heero just nodded at them and left as quietly as he had come, leaving Wufei to stare at the door in confusion. He didn't think he would ever compeltely understand Heero Yuy.

Trowa swiped a loose piece of black hair behind one of Wufei's ears and Wufei couldn't stop his body from leaning into the touch. He didn't quite understand how Trowa seemed to know exactly what he needed when he didn't know himself. He only knew he wanted more and that what he wanted didn't really matter.

Trowa didn't bother asking if he was okay. He didn't ask the ordinary, stupid questions that anyone else would have asked. He just waited, and in time Wufei let himself unfold and stood up, heading for the door, confident Trowa would follow.

He didn't head downstairs as he had originally intended but took the elevator instead. The security guards took one look at him and moved aside. Wufei nodded to the two men, recognising them, having seen them many times over the months.

Une was at her desk, phone in one hand, folder in the other. She looked up as they entered but kept talking and Wufei didn't try to interrupt, just taking one of the seats and settling in for the wait. He scanned the various folders on her desk, taking a peak inside a few that looked interesting only to discover they were not so interesting after all. Trowa seemed amused by his actions and Wufei eventually left the desk alone, turning to just stare at Trowa, which only seemed to amuse him more.

"You're at work," Wufei reminded Trowa. "You're not supposed to enjoy it."

Trowa did not look repentant at all as Une hung up the phone and tossed the folder on the rather large stack of paperwork.

"Does this mean the phone is reconnected?"

"No," Trowa replied easily and Wufei just stared at them, wondering when the phone had been disconnected. He had a feeling its current status was not going to change for a while, which he didn't really mind. Another mission like the last at four am might just kill him, or get him killed, or something Wufei would rather not think about.

"You have to see Sally before you leave," Une told them both and they knew there was no way they were getting out of it. Wufei sighed. Things had been much easier when no one remembered he was there.

Une sighed heavily, leaning back in her chair and looking at them over her glasses.Wufei knew she was thinking something over, weighing her options and he just hoped it wasn't going to hurt.

"I never did assign you a partner after Po left," she noted idly. "And I've been avoiding giving Barton one because he kept complaining they weren't good enough."

Trowa and Wufei shared a startled glance. Wufei could not believe his ears. Was she honestly suggesting they become partners?

"What do you say, Trowa?" The grin on her face was plain wicked, in Wufei's opinion. "Is he good enough?"

Trowa sniffed hautily, turning aside to hide the odd quirk of his lips. "I suppose."

Wufei just blinked, shrugged at Une's questioning look and let her punch the allocation into her computer.

"So, who is moving house?"

Wufei pointed at Trowa, who just nodded. Wufei pulled back a bit, having expected to have to fight for his right to stay hidden in the basement. But then, he supposed, they couldn't have the rather unique setup he had managed to set up in the sublevels.

"I'm going to have to come down and find your office one of these days, Chang," Une chuckled, shaking her head. "Marie spends more time there than at home and now Barton wants to move in. Must be a fascinating place."

Wufei wasn't sure what to make of that, so he shut up, reminding himself to install some kind of surveillance equipment so he knew when Une was coming. The Preventers system only went as far as the garage. Wufei supposed not many people broke in through Archives.

The doors slammed open and Wufei had a moment to think that that was happening a lot lately when he looked up to find Sally looking down at him, her face all scrunched up as if she couldn't decide whether to belt him over the head or hug him. He wasn't sure which he wanted her to pick either.

"Medical. Now." Was all she said and Wufei obeyed, slinking out of the chair, and creeping past her with a quiet farewell to Une, Trowa on his heels. Sally brought up the rear and snarled at them every time Wufei dared look around for an escape route that did not exist.

"Are all your debriefing sessions like that?"

Wufei raised a brow at Trowa, thinking about it. They hadn't been like that before Russia. But they had been similar. He and Une just didn't feel the need to talk out what was already on the page, so they didn't. They said more without saying anything than most people said in a week of conversations. Not that Wufei had too many conversations in a week, but he still didn't feel the need to say anything around Une.

"No, usually we have tea and sniff rose incense."

He won the laughter and it made him warm inside, for a little while, the pain dulling, Duo's words receding in a small sphere of numbness as he stepped out of the elevator he didn't even recall stepping into.

He had not been to Preventers medical since Sally took over. It looked like a hospital now and Sally's office was just plain huge. Twice the size of Unes with ten times the paperwork, but Sally didn't even seem to see it as she pointed at the bed on the far side of the room.

They sat side by side and Wufei figured if he was going to die it was probably a nice way to go. At least he wouldn't be alone, and it wouldn't be cold, and he could haunt Sally with company.

"I can't believe you went on a mission so soon, and to kill that prick! I would have gone for you, all you had to do was ask, but no, not the all mighty Chang Wufei. He has to try and get himself killed at least once a week and if he doesn't succeed than he wants more attempts!" Sally was mumbling the whole time she poked and prodded and while it was annoying Wufei couldn't keep the smile off his face, because there was no heat to the angry words, no resounding madness, merely fears slowly fading and satisfaction that he was okay. And it was the proof he needed to know Sally still gave a damn.

"How are you feeling?"

"Fine."

"He's shaky. The meds make him sleepy and he is having trouble walking long distances."

Wufei glared at Trowa, but was unable to call foul. Still, there wasn't anything wrong with him. Sally had asked how he was feeling, not what the meds were doing to him. He would have to have a little talk to Trowa about answering questions directly.

"It'll pass in a few days. One of the drugs numbs your nerves while the other helps them to shift. They're just realigning themselves while they can. In a week the effects should have worn off and you won't have that pain in your ankle."

A week and no more pain. If someone had told him that a few months ago he would have kissed them. Maybe. Unfortunately that meant a week of Trowa shoving the damned pills down his throat. Still, it would be worth it.

"It'll get worse before it gets better, Wufei," Sally chastised, knowing the look onhis face all too well. "If you wake up puking in the morning don't come to work. You won't be able to stand up most of the day."

Joy.

"How the hell am I meant to know the difference," Wufei grumbled. He could wake up from a nightmare and puke at the mere memory and that would have nothing to do with the drugs. Trowa was frowning at him, but he didn't care. The woman was asking the impossible; she was being difficult, like always, and he didn't like it. Never had.

"Are you having trouble sleeping?"

Wufei glared at her while Trowa nodded. Trust him to spill Wufei's beans because Wufei wasn't about to. There was no discussion about why; no need to explain anything. She just handed yet more pills to Trowa, trusting him to take care of it. Wufei wasn't sure what to make of that. How had Trowa become his caregiver? And since when did he need one? And why did Sally seem to think that was normal?

A nurse came in, asking for Sally and she left then to go see what was happening but Wufei thought she sounded rahter adament when she told them not to go anywhere or do anything until she got back so he made no move to go. Besdies, he didn't like the idea of trying to stand up again when he wasn't sure he could feel his joints.

"Tro…how come no one thinks it's strange?"

Trowa leant back agains the wall, a light in his eyes Wufei had never seen before.

"Do you remember that night after you fought Treize? When you came back to the circus with me?"

Wufei frowned, recalling the night. It had been one of misery and self-loathing; one of many such nights during the war. He had failed and at that point had been completely unaware that failure was inevitable, that he was not perfect and never would be. He had gone with Trowa simply because at the time he had no other place to go and something in him had wanted company. Wanted a silence that was not empty and he had found that in Trowa.

They had no spoken, had not shared their weaknesses and failures but there had been awareness and that was what Wufei had craved.

"Yes, I remember."

"All I wanted to do was hug you."

Shock raced through his system, trying to snare the memory harder and reel it in, but it was too long ago and there had been nothing there. He had been too caught up in the despair to notice anything else. He had to trust Trowa's words and the truth he knew they held; the truth that was that strange light in his eyes. And it was easy to do, when he tried it; to trust Trowa. He found himself with only one regret; that he hadn't done it. That Trowa hadn't reached through the flames and just touched him; proven he was real and that it was okay to fail.

But there were other implications to Trowa's words that made other things make sense.

"Quatre?"

"Hugged me all the time. And Duo hugged everyone, so even Heero got his fifteen seconds of comfort."

It was just Wufei who had stayed on the outside, watching them in disdain, thinking them weak while his thoughts weakened him. If he had known; had he understood what a touch could be, what a friend could steal away, how much stronger could he have been?

But would it really have changed anything? Could it have made it worse? Wufei shuddered, not wanting to know the possibilities. All that mattered was now. That they were here now, that he wasn't alone and he finally understood what warmth was and that it was not weakness.

Taking a deep breath, Wufei leant forward, wrapping his arms around Trowa's waist and burying his face in his shirt, inhaling the scent of fabric softener and dettol hanging in the air. It tasted…clean.

"What about now?" You have you hug, what do you want to do now?

"That's a secret," Trowa grinned, but there was a shadow of doubt lingering in his eyes as Wufei pulled away and Wufei felt himself frown, not sure what to make of it, or of the reply, not sure if it meant what he thought it did or something else entirely and not sure he wanted to know.

So he decided it didn't matter, because wants were useless in his relationship with Trowa and Trowa would give him exactly what he needed, exactly when he needed it.

Sally returned looking frazzled and annoyed but Wufei didn't ask and she didn't tell. Wufei was not, after all, a doctor and Sally liked to keep work as work so he kept it that way too.

It was flat out humiliating that he needed help getting off the gurney but neither Sally nor Trowa said anything about it and Wufei managed to escape Preventers medical with some semblance of dignity.

The foyer was rather empty for an afternoon but Wufei didn't think anything of it, moving to the stairwell and grabbing hold of the railing, hoping Trowa didn't notice as he made his way down one step at a time. He hoped the drugs wore off soon and gave him at least a little respite and secretly couldn't wait for the week to be over.

The doors to archives were wide open, which was odd, but when they reached sub-level seven and found three archivists hunched over the boxes Wufei didn't think much of it. Besides, they seemed equally surprised to see him.

He nodded to Sarah, the one person he actually recognised and headed off toward his office. He couldn't help feeling they were watching him as he went, so when he got to the corner he turned slightly, glancing back down the hallway to find that one of them was indeed watching. Sarash was talking quietly with the other woman but the man…

Wufei shivered and disappeared around the corner, taking several faster steps to catch up with Trowa, unable to put his finger on what was bothering him.

"Problem?" Trowa asked as they went inside but Wufei shook his head. He was just being paranoid. Une had said she would send the archivists down to catalogue everything and she had. He just wasn't used to seeing others in his office, which he idly noted had somehow come to incorporate the entire floor in his mind.

Marie was at the desk, a game of Endless Waltz open on the monitor, paused. She spun in the chair to look at them, gave them the usual once over and then smiled. Wufei was still waiting for the day she decided she didn't like what she saw and frowned instead. It would be a sad day.

"I was hoping you'd come in today. I'm meant to get this signed," she held out a note and Wufei reached out to read it. It was from the school, for an excursion. He just raised a brow.

"Wufei signs your school notes?" Trowa sounded amused as he read it over Wufei's shoulder.

"Well, Une decided Wufei would know if something wasn't safe and so he has the legal right to make all those kinds of decisions now." Marie shrugged and Wufei just nodded his agreement. After a kidnapping attempt in the first few weeks after the Mariemeia incident Une and he had had a long talk, and he'd had the rights ever since. Which worked well for all parties really.

"Sounds fine," Wufei noted, checking the map of where the excursion would be going the school was asked to supply with each note.

"No, it's not," Marie groaned. "Come on, Wufei. It's going to be the most boring thing ever! Make some stupid excuse and just let me hang here that day?"

Wufei looked from the note to Marie and back to the note. There was something Marie was not telling him, because he could not see how the excusion would be boring. He thought it important that she visit the International History Museum and view the exhibits mentioned but it was obvious she would do anything to avoid it. So he thought more about it, re-reading the note. And he realised one of the new exhibitions was too familiarly dated.

He tossed the note in the bin and turned to look at Marie, completely serious.

"You're not going on that excurison, but you are going to the museum. Either I take you or Une does, because you need that information, but you do not need to see that exhibit."

Marie nodded enthusiastially and Wufei knew he had hit the nail on the head. And who could blame her from not wanting to see an exhibit ravbing about the way Heero Yuy had killed your father? Or rather, how Chang Wufei had. Wufei certianly didn't want to see it.

"Next week," Trowa admonished, looking at them both sternly and Wufei wasn't about to argue, though he didn't think he much liked the idea of Trowa knowing all his weaknesses, even if they were superficial. He realised it wouldn't surprise him if he wasn't allowed out of bed tomorrow morning, and it surprised him that he didn't think he would mind.

"Next week," Wufei agreed and was rewarded with laughter. It was not a sad day. Yet. But he supposed he might have better luck next time.