Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Letters To The Gundam Pilots ❯ Chapter 2 ( Chapter 3 )

Tori: Yep, more of 'em! But I must warn you… These questions were asked and answered during an anime marathon at my house, so… Oh, you'll be thankful for this warning when you get inside…

Letters To The Pilots

The Second Cu-COMING

Tori: GOD DAMNIT, DUET! You can be such a pervert!

Duet: No! LEAVE IT!

Heero: …there are so many ways that word could go…

Trowa: *taps forehead* Homophones, Yuy.

Heero: O.o* Ewww… Duet, that was gross.

Duet: *is too busy ransacking (and shoving Quatre in) my closet to hear or care*

Tori: Time for QUESTIONS!!!

Chang Meiling asks: Trowa, peanuts or popcorn?

Trowa: I hate popcorn, so peanuts.

Duet: Peeeeeeeeeeanut. PeaNUT!

Quatre: *in a rare fit of annoyance, rips the 'Animorphs' book out of her hands*

Chang Meiling asks: Duo, what brand of frozen pizza do you prefer? Or what take-out pizza?

Duo: Digiorno!

Tori: Yeah, I can't spell that.

Duo: Meh. Neither can I… I like Central Pizza too! Got it delivered to the school once…

Trowa: The staff ate it, too.

Duo: Ah, I didn't pay for it…

Chang Meiling asks: Heero, what's your favorite computer game?

Wu Fei: *snorts* Minesweeper…

Duet: Nah, he was playing the Harry Potter game before.

Duo: *snatches blanket off Duet's futon and ties it around his neck* I'm Hareeee Pohtter!

Heero: *yanks Duo's 'cape' so he flies onto his ass* The Sims, actually.

Duet: Oh yeah. I forgot… You're Captain Genocide!

Heero: The house fire was accidental. *looks around suspiciously*

Chang Meiling asks: Quatre, what kind of tea do you prefer?

Quatre: Easy one! ^___^ Earl Grey!

Tori: …what? No one's going to elaborate?

Trowa: The tea jokes are dead… *whirls around at Duo* …and YOU killed them!

Duet: *leans over to look at laptop* No, Tori… You NEVER write Trowa with an exclamation point.

Chang Meiling asks: Wu Fei, what qualities do you look for in a woman?

Wu Fei: *blinks curiously at the strange looks everyone's giving him* Stop that.

Heero: You're not…yelling.

Wu Fei: *snorts* (he seems to do that a lot) What? You don't think I look at women?

Duet: Yeah! At the mall he's like *OOGLE* at every girl with boobs he sees!

Tori: Not very discreet…are you?

Heero: Alright, let's let him answer the question.

Wu Fei: I… dunno. Someone who's strong and dependant, but still needs me sometimes.

Duet: Aw, that's cute! *inches a little closer to Fei*

Wu Fei: …I also like Asians.

Tori: Aw! That's cute! *sticks tongue out at Duet*

Duo: GUYS! We're talking about WU FEI! *WHAP!*

Wu Fei: And what's wrong with that?

Chang Meiling asks: Duet, out of all the guys, who is your favorite (or who can you stand the most) and why?

Duet: …so basically, you're asking me to commit status suicide…

Tori: Be happy you got a question and answer it!

Duet: Ummm… *looks at guys, who are grinning their 'I just ate a bowl of macaroni & cheese' grins* I'm most like Duo, and we've dated longer than is probably healthy, but that doesn't necessarily mean I like him, (Duo: HEY!) so I'd have to say…

All: *anxious*

Duet: MILLIARDO! *whips out wallet picture of him and hugs it*

Tori: …aren't you going to say anything?

Heero: *shrugs* You're not getting a straight answer out of a bent girl.

Duet: KAMIKAZE!!! *viciously tackles Heero* DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!

Trowa: …We're redefining Matchbox20 songs left and right, aren't we?

Tori: Tro, can we get a helpful translation for all here who won't get any of that?

Trowa: Why not? 'Bent' means gay in the… UK was it?

Tori: Dunno. TARO!? DOES BENT MEAN GAY IN THE UK!?

Wu Fei: …he can't hear you…

Quatre: *entranced by Princess Nine*

Kouhikouryuu-chan asks: Will you drag Zechs in here so I can ogle him?

Duet: Yeah, can we?

Heero: Zechs is married to Noin and they live in California.

Trowa: I thought they lived in Toronto?

Heero: Moved last year, remember?

Trowa: But they moved to Greece after that…

Tori: You guys argue. I'm gonna stop writing this down now, or we're gonna hafta whip out the atlas.

Wu Fei: I suppose that counted as a no…

Tori: But you can still ask him questions! I'll just *doom music* e-mail them.

Kouhikouryuu-chan asks: If Heero has Spandex Space, what do the other pilots have?

Duet: Cleavage. *WHAP!* SHIT! Geeze! Sor~ry!

Trowa: Um, Hair Space?

Duo: Really big pockets…

Quatre: Oh, me? Erm…

Duet: Kawaii space! *WHAP!*

Tori: There will be no abuse of Japanese words in my presence…

Duet: Fine. MANGA!

Tori: Okay, honestly, I tried to type that, and it came out as 'manga' as in anime…

Duet: Well, it's 'manga' Mahhhnja!

Tori: And that would be…?

Duet: 'Eat' in Italian.

Heero: Can we focus here?

Duet: I can say 'fork' in German, too!

Trowa: What's your space, Wu Fei?

Duet: It's 'gobble'!

Wu Fei: *discreetly pushes Duet off the bed* Floofy Pants Space.

Duet: *from floor* Hehehe… Floofy pants…

Alita Battle Angel asks: If you could turn back time to any point in your lives and change something, what point would it be and what would you change?

All: *exchange looks*

Tori: I feel so left out when you do that…

Quatre: We are who we are today because of the choices we made yesterday.

Duet: Pathetic as my life was

Duo: Is.

Duet: *punches Duo* -I wouldn't change a thing.

Heero: Me neither.

Trowa: Nope.

Wu Fei: Even if I had Nataku back, I wouldn't have my friends with me now.

Duo: Well, aren't we being extra sappy today…

Tori: So the final conclusion is…?

Heero: None of us would change a thing.

Tori: Not even the time last summer when Duet got drunk and hi-jacked Quatre's screen name on neopets and-

Duet: NO ONE EVER GUESSED MOW MANY TOES I HAVE!

Heero: Ten. And, no. Despite the hangover, I think it was a very successful night.

Duet: *is crimson*

Tori: You didn't…

Duet: WHY DOES EVERYONE CARE!?

Jupiter's Light asks: What would you do if Sailor Jupiter gave your suit a paint job and then ducked into another dimension?

Heero: *holds head in hands* I don't have Wing Zero any more…

All: SHHHH!

Duet: Well, that was NOT an impressive answer.

Jupiter's Light asks: Wu Fei, what would you do if Duo painted your Gundam pink with colored peace signs?

Wu Fei: I would probably have kill him.

Trowa: …probably?

Jupiter's Light asks: What if he already did?

Wu Fei: MAXWELL! *tackles Duo*

Quatre: Wu Fei! He couldn't have! Altron is gone!

Wu Fei: Oh yeah… *releases his hold on Duo's neck* Sorry 'bout that. Force of habit.

Duo: [expletive deleted], Wu Fei! (AN: The curse was much more creative and vulgar than 'fuck' by the way, and therefore my moral standards are preventing me from typing it.)

Trowa: *reads what Tori just typed* Well, that's a load of bull…

Duet-Sama AKA The Chibi Master asks: Duo, what is your official eye color?

Duo: Official eye color? On my shitijiki, it says 'cobalt blue' but they change from black to violet.

Quatre: Mine change color too! Depends on the lighting or my mood, I guess.

Duet: Oh! Me too! My eyes are gray now, but they're usually dark, dark blue!

Duo: *gives Tori a funny look* Your eyes are green.

Tori: Yes, and?

Duo: I've never noticed… That's not normal.

Tori: I feel loved…

Taro M.D. asks: Heero, how can you carry a gun if you wear spandex all the time?

Heero: But I don't wear spandex all the time!

Duo: Ya did during the war.

Heero: I believe I had jeans at one point.

Trowa: Which you stole from me.

Heero: …

Quatre: I think he means 'where did you put the gun when you were wearing your hot pants?'

Heero: They weren't "hot pants" *makes little quotation thingies* They were bike shorts. And I just tucked my gun in the back.

Tori: Interesting fact- When the Gundam Wing dubbed version was aired on Cartoon Network during Toonami, about 8 seconds were cut. The first few where when the camera zoomed in on the gun loosely tucked in the back of Heero's shorts and the rest when Heero reached up a bloodied hand to take Duo's knife and cut himself free from the table he was strapped to.

Duet: Thank you, Miss Anime.

Tori: *blinks* You're welcome…

Taro M.D. asks: Duo, how do you deal with Heero's and Wu Fei's death threats?

Duo: The only way I know how to handle something deadly serious- lightly.

Duet: Which translates directly into "I lock myself in the basement, crawl out the window, jump in my car, and spend the rest of the day hiding out in the Seven/Eleven parking lot."

Duo: …*deathglares Duet*

Taro M.D. asks: Trowa, how the hell can you stay silent all the time?

Trowa: I'm not silent all the time…

Quatre: Yes, at night he snores quite loudly.

Trowa: …*gives Quatre a funny look*

Quatre: …you don't find it odd that you wake up every morning with a pillow over your face?

Trowa: I always figured it was just my subconscious trying to kill me.

All: O.o* …?

Duet: *holds head* Don't use such big words!

Taro M.D. asks: Quatre, since you respect women as much as I do, will you get together with one or decide to go gay?

Quatre: You don't "decide" to go gay. It just happens.

All: *more funny looks*

Quatre: Ah, that didn't come out right, did it?

Most: *shake their heads*

Quatre: I am, um, currently in a relationship. With a girl named Jenn. *waves a little at computer* Hi, Jenn!

Duet: Here we go with the relationship thing again…

Taro M.D. asks: Wu Fei, do you enjoy threatening to cut off Duo's braid?

Wu Fei: Yes and no. I enjoy it, because it gets him to stop, but I hate it because I usually have a very good reason for doing such…

Trowa: …good answer…

Duo: I have nothing to say on this matter!? I don't enjoy it! Nor do I deserve it!

Heero: Ye~ah, you do.

Duet: Never in my life have I heard you use the word 'nor'…

Duo: …why doesn't anyone threaten Duet's hair?

Duet: Cuz I'm a good girl.

*this, of course, elicits snorts and laughter from the guys, who are promptly beaten*

Quatre: Because it's pretty…and it just… help me here, guys.

Heero: What he's trying to say is that she would kill us.

Duo: AND I WOULDN'T!?

Trowa: Yeah, well we like Duet better.

Duo: *pouts*

Andrew Joshua Talon asks: To all the pilots, what are your favorite animes besides your own?

Trowa: Easy. Princess Mononoke. As for series, probably Rurouni Kenshin.

Duo: Oh! Me! Pokémon is my all-time favorite! And movie? Um… The Pokémon movies!

Duet: Ditto! But I really like Battle Athletes Victory, too! *bows* I introduced that one to Tori.

Heero: And she's never been the same since… Favorite movie: Grave of the Fireflies and Favorite series: Trigun.

Quatre: My favorite series is Card Captor Sakura, and I really liked the movie, but my favorite in that category would have to be My Neighbor Totoro.

Wu Fei: Ranma ½. Series and movies, it's the all-around best.

Duo: *cough*Kuno*cough*

Wu Fei: What about Ted Cole?

Tori: And of course you forget Utena, and Princess Nine, and-

Duet: DRAGON HALF!!! BEST SHOW EVER!!!

Duo: *singing* Sau~cer… Here he comes to save the day! He's gonna slay that dragon! The great red dragon! And save the da~ay!

Wu Fei: I don't think that's how it goes…

Duet: These were just favorites, right? Cuz there are a lot more I like!

Trowa: Yes, Duet… Tell all the horny little kids what to buy… *WHAP!*

Duo: Oooh! If that leaves a mark, Michelle's gonna throw a fit!

Andrew Joshua Talon asks: Who is your favorite FanFiction.Net author at large?

Heero: …you're making us choose? Why don't we just slit out wrists now?

Duet: *deadpan* Happy analogies, Heero…

Trowa: All-time favorite, and not to offend anyone here, Mel and Christie.

Tori: *raises hand* I'm offended!

Heero: They write yaoi…

Trowa: But they write it well…

Duo: Tro's a fic addict! Not to mention a huge fan of proper grammar and spelling.

Tori: Oh, well there go all my fics…

Duet: Really, we can't choose, because writing's an art and all, but if I made a list, you and Talon and Taro and Nueva and all the others would be on it!

Tori: I know who my favorite fan fiction author is…

Heero: *rolls eyes* She's gone soft…

Andrew Joshua Talon asks: If you were going to break a world record, what would it be? (aside from the ones you've already broken)

Duet: Longest nap. *looks at Duo*

Duo: Most creative curse words without repeating any.

Trowa: You already broke that one… Um, most things juggled at once?

Duet: Job… Girlfriend… Volunteer work… I think you've got a pretty good list so far. Quat?

Quatre: Oh, I don't know. Maybe most money donated to charity? ^____^

Tori: Too damn cute... STOP IT!

Quatre: *laughs* What good is money if it can't be used to help people?

Tori: Just… someone else go.

Heero: This is a hard one… *shrugs* Most points scored in a regulation basketball game?

Trowa: …the next NBA star, huh?

Heero: …? No, I just like basketball.

Wu Fei: I know mine. *smirks* Most consecutive wins on Iron Chef!

Tori: Whowhatnow?

Wu Fei: …I like to cook…

Duo: He's…actually quite good at it.

Rona asks: Let me put it like this… YOU were the last one seen with him, Wu Fei, so where is he!?

Heero: I assume we're speaking of Joey Chandler Bing here?

Tori: O.o* You have this stuff just as memorized as I do!

Heero: *nod nod*

Wu Fei: …stupid woman… I don't have him! Why won't you believe me!?

Duet: *walks back in from kitchen with a water bottle, constantly flipping the little no-spill folding straw up and down* *in an interesting Italian accent* EEEET'SSS FAHHHBEOH! *points in random direction*

All: *look in designated direction*

Duet: *in same accent* AH! THERE EEES NO FAHHHBEOH! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Eeet's BRILLIANT!

All: O.O****************

*awkward silence*

Duet: *looks at water bottle* THEEEES EEEES FAHHHBEOH! *holds it up high*

Quatre: Maybe we should get back to the questions…

Duet: *pops up water bottle straw* Fabio likes you! *throws it at him*

Quatre: *picks it up and takes a sip* Bleaugh… Mountain Dew…

Duo: *dives for water bottle* DON'T DRINK IT! IT LOWERS YOUR SPERM COUNT!

All: O.O*****************

Heero: Er…. Next question.

Rona asks: To everyone but Heero and Duet, what was the worst thing you had to do to get money?

Quatre: *shudders* I once spent THREE hours in line at the bank JUST to make a withdrawal.

Wu Fei: I sold dirty pictures of Duet at school.

Duet: DIE!!!!! *tackles Wu Fei off the bed and senselessly beats him, er, senseless*

Trowa: …I sold dirty pictures of Wu Fei…

Wu Fei: WHAT!?

Trowa: …just kidding…

Duo: I tried that, but no one wanted them except for that exchange student, but she kept trying to pay in little green rocks, so I gave them to her.

Trowa: Who? Ling Pha?

Duo: She has a name?

Trowa: I sincerely hope you're joking…

Duo: Was from the start.

Duet: Why am I not allowed to answer?

Heero: Yeah. Me neither…

Rona asks: Zechs, do you dye your hair or something?

Zechs (via e-mail): …no… Is that all you wanted, boys and girls?

Tori: That's love. Right there.

Heero: Okay, Tori. Whatever you say.

Rona asks: What anime do you like? (and no Gundam Wing)

Quatre: Didn't we already do this one?

Wu Fei: *has succeeded in pinning Duet to the floor* NO MORE SODA!

Duet: Okayokayokay…

Wu Fei: *hesitantly lets her up*

Duet: WA-HOOO! *rolls away, jumps up, and runs off*

Duo: Pokémon is still the best. *absent-mindedly takes a sip from Fabio* ACK! MOUNTAIN DEW! *throws Fabio across the room*

OMightyWifeOfShinigami asks: Heero, what was Odin Lowe like?

Heero: Closest thing to a dad I ever had, but he died pretty early.

Duet: *singing in Chinese accent* Praise… to… Buddha…!

Trowa: *whacks her with a pillow* Sorry. We went to see The King & I.

OMightyWifeOfShinigami asks: Do you remember your parents?

Heero: No. I didn't have any.

Tori: *whips out time line* All the Gundam pilots, sans Quatre and Trowa were test-tube babies.

Duet: ?__? And how did you come to that conclusion?

Tori: Well, Quatre's the youngest, therefore born LAST…

Quatre: *nods*

Tori: …and Trowa was born on Earth, but the rest of you, who are older than Quatre, were born in the Colonies. Quatre was the first baby born naturally in outer space.

Duet: You see… I KNEW that, but I was hoping no one else knew.

Duo: ^___^ We still have "biological" parents.

Duet: …I was adopted… The 'rents wanted a kid, but had to settle for a lab monster.

Heero: *raises hand* I was genetically altered, somewhat…

Tori: Oh, stop bragging. They do that all the time these days. You AC people think you're soooo advanced!

Duet: Did she just call us air conditioner people? I think she just called us air conditioner people… *pretending to be offended*

Wu Fei: You killed the joke, Duet…

Tori: *cranks up radio* 'Story Of A Girl' is playing! ^___^ Hi, Talon!

Heero: That has to be the most pathetic display of sappy-

Tori: Oh, shut up! At least I don't carry an Evan & Jared CD with me everywhere!

Trowa: You leave my music out of this. Go pick on Duet and her Greenday CD.

Duet: I was NOT sitting in homeroom listening to 'Basketcase'!

Trowa: Ye~ah you were.

OMightyWifeOfShinigami asks: Would you go out with my friend, Rae? She's a Gundam pilot in training, secretly loves ya!

Duet: YOU'RE CHEATING ON ME AND WE AREN'T EVEN GOING OUT YET!?

Duo: Hey… You used that line on some guy at the club last Friday. *laughs* *mimicking* Hey, by the way, what's your name?

Heero: *squirms* I… er… I dunno.

Quatre: Isn't this against your rules, Tori?

Heero: *heaves sigh of relief*

OMightyWifeOfShinigami asks: Heero, what is Spandex Space like?

Heero: What is with you people and your obsession with my shorts?

Duet: Answer the question, Spandex Boy.

Heero: I don't actually have Spandex Space in real life, you know.

Trowa: …pretend.

Heero: Uh, big? And dark?

Duo: Right on.

OMightyWifeOfShinigami asks: Duo and Duet, do you think you'll ever get married?

Duo: Errr…

Duet: *studies curtains*

Quatre: I want to know, too.

Duo: Ah… Mind your business. *turns interesting shade of crimson*

[A/N: We'll talk later, OMWOS, kay? ^__~]

OMightyWifeOfShinigami asks: Quatre, how are you doing today?

Tori: That has to be the best question anyone has asked yet!

Quatre: I'm fine! ^___^ And you?

Heero: Why don't I get easy questions like that?

OMightyWifeOfShinigami asks: How did you find out that you were Triton Bloom and that Catherine was your sister?

Trowa: I have a burn scar on my back that I didn't get fighting, and she has similar ones. She was the one who found out, really, since she saw it and identified it.

Duet: Can I see your scar?

Trowa: …alright… *lifts up the back of his tee-shirt*

Duet: MICHELLE! HE'S STRIPPING!

Duo: I'll get the camera!

Trowa: … *drops shirt and shoots Duet a deathglare*

Duet: Eh heh… Heh heh heh… I love you, Trowa… *big innocent grin*

Trowa: Nope. Not gonna work this time.

Heero: Stop and let him finish…

Trowa: Well, my Cathy was a bit older when we were separated, so she remembers more.

OMightyWifeOfShinigami asks: Wu Fei, if you were in a room filled with melting sugar that was slowly hardening into a body cast around you and the only way to escape certain sugary death was to say the women aren't weak, would you do it?

Wu Fei: If it was hot enough in the room to melt sugar, I'd already be dead…

Duo: Damn you for finding a way out of answering that!

Wu Fei: I'm not stupid, Maxwell.

Lyra Koshima asks: What kind of music do you guys listen to?

Duet: Alternative!

Heero: Rock.

Duo: JRock!

Trowa: Didn't we answer this with the e-mails?

Tori: …short-term memory…

Duo: Basically any loud, fast music that pisses the neighbors off when you play it at three in the morning.

Tori: You can play the polka at 3am and still piss people off… More so.

Duet: Yeah, but can you do it and look cool?

Lyra asks: What's wrong with Tokyo?

Tori: Everything.

Heero: Nothing.

Trowa: …let's not argue…

Tyger asks: Heero, what would you do with a Zap-O-Death gun?

Duo: Heero's not a hitchhiker! He's not cool enough! *WHAP!*

Heero: I'm plenty cool.

Duet: So what would you do with the gun?

Heero: *shrugs* Kill people… Shoot ugly lawn ornaments…

Trowa: Our neighbors are notorious for those…

Heero: …turn light on… turn lights off… change the channel…

Tyger asks: Duo, have you ever eaten at Millways? Could you afford it?

Duo: I can't afford a new pair of socks if I intend to buy ANYTHING at Shoujocon…

Duet: But have you eaten at Millways?

Duo: You reek of perfume… *WHAP!*

Trowa: Well, he deserved it for taking that long to notice.

Quatre: She fell into a display of perfume at the mall. *giggle*

Duo: *sulking* …I've never eaten there, either…

Tyger asks: Trowa, did you know Earth was a giant computer?

Trowa: …created by white mice with fjords by Slartibartfast…

Tori: You're all hitchhikers?

All: *nod*

Tori: And you took this long to introduce me to the series?

All: *nod*

Tori: Now I really feel left out…

Tyger asks: Quatre, would you ever drink a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster? Or that substance that is almost exactly but not quite unlike tea?

Quatre: Never a Gargle Blaster, but I've had the tea, yes.

Tori: Really?

Quatre: …that's the tea they serve at Starbucks… *grimace*

Tori: Do I detect a hint of hostility in your voice, Quat?

Duet: *whispers* His stock fell and he blames their tea…

Tori: Oh.

Tyger asks: Wu Fei, do you know how small you are in relation to the Universe?

Wu Fei: Very small indeed.

Duo: *laughing hysterically*

Wu Fei: But in the sense that Duo is no doubt thinking, I am very well off, thank you.

Tyger asks: Duet, can you fail to hit the ground?

Duet: The sad part is, I've actually tried that…

Trowa: Was that when you floor-dived into the perfume display?

Duet: No, actually that was at Contempo Casual with the foot stool…

Tori: Yeah, I'm not shopping with her any more…

Tyger asks: Tori, was that Hitchikerish enough for you?

Tori: ^______^ I got a question!

Duet: Well, answer it.

Tori: Yes. Yes it was. I appreciate it very much that you took these things into consideration!

Heero: Can we watch Miyuki-chan In Wonderland now?

Tori: AGAIN!?

Duet: I wanna watch it too!

Tori: Oh well… You guys deserve it for another fic well done. *pops in DVD* (into my computer of course since it's the wrong number for this time zone's DVD players. You know what I mean if you've ever tried to watch a DVD you bought in another country…)

And so we watched Miyuki-chan In Wonderland, and then left in favor of a club and a good night was had by all… ^______^

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`*

Tori: No, I didn't steal Duo's [expletive deleted] thing. He told me to put it because I just had funny symbols. Sorry this took so long to put up. I wanted to spell-check. I have to speed-type during conversations, and that usually has bad consequences.

Kegawa: …I'm not getting any air-time any more…

Tori: Don't tempt me, rat. Someone offered to adopt you.

Kegawa: Duet?

Tori: Oh, come off it!

Kegawa: …