Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Not a Clue ❯ Part One ( Chapter 1 )

Title: Not a Clue

Author: Nomi-Used to be Heero no Ikeike

Archive: www.fanfiction.net, Gundam Wing Fanfiction ML, www.mediaminer.org

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Lemon, angst, angst, and more angst, some sap, language, maybe OOC? I don't know. This is how I interpret their personalities after the war, so maybe it's IC for me, OOC for other people.

Pairings: 1x5x1 is established, (seemingly) unrequited 2+1, eventual 1x2x5

POV: Switches after every multiple groups of asterisks. You'll be able to figure out whose POV it is, trust me. I did my best to make it easy. ^_~

** = denotes emphasis, if you can't see the italics

// = denotes a passage, such as when Duo's explaining about the astrology.

<> = denotes thoughts

*

I can honestly say that love sucks. I can say it now from experience, not just to comfort Quatre when he and his current boyfriend or girlfriend have had a fight. I don't like love, I don't like *being* in love, and I certainly don't like falling for one of my friends. Especially when said friend is already involved with another friend.

Who would have thought that Heero Yuy and Chang WuFei, easily two of the most paranoid, screwed-up individuals I've ever had the pleasure of fighting with, would hook up? I don't think I'd ever seen anything as weird as the two of them sitting together, a little too closely to be normal but not touching. I'd most assuredly never seen them kiss, hold hands, or even hug-they remained remarkably discreet in public, and even in the company of our close friends, they were just…distant. It was so very…strange.

One time, though, I had caught them sort of looking at each other with these weird twin half-smiles on their faces. They were totally and completely head-over-heels in love. I knew it then. And at that same instant, looking at Heero's handsome face as he smiled at his lover, those familiar chest pains I'd get every time I looked at him came back tenfold. There was nothing physically wrong with me, and the pain wasn't exactly real, I guess, but…It hurt. A lot.

A day after that incident, I talked to Quatre about it. I explained how it ached here in my chest,

and why I felt sick in my stomach sometimes when the couple walked into the room, and I asked him what he thought could be wrong with me. That asshole laughed hysterically for nearly ten straight minutes. When I threatened to deck him, he told me what I was feeling.

I didn't talk to anyone for nearly a week after that.

The guilt nearly ate me alive. I loved Heero. I was in love with him. Yet there was WuFei to deal with. While not an exceptionally close friend of mine, WuFei was still a friend. And he and I had fought together in our youth, side by side, me watching his back and him watching mine. I would *never* take away Heero's happiness, I only wished to have some part of it. I don't mean his friendship, I already had that, he and I were quite close as best friends, but…those lingering, longing looks that were directed at the Chinese young man were starting to kill me. They made me realize how alone I was. They made me re-think my entire existence. They made me wonder if I would ever, damn it, find someone for my own.

I decided that the only thing to do would be to make myself fall out of love with Heero. It was only logical, and I mean really, how hard could it be?

*

Quatre's twenty-first birthday was just around the corner, and I was with Heero at the mall, looking for the perfect gift. Heero had insisted it be just him and me when I told him to bring WuFei. I'd asked why and he hadn't given me an answer, something he'd been doing a lot as of late. It almost looked like he was determined to make sure that I never felt neglected, which was ridiculous-I knew his number one priority was WuFei and I was second. That honestly didn't bother me-I put Quatre second after Heero, no big deal, right? But Heero seemed to think it was a big deal, and he made sure to set aside time at least once or twice a week for us to hang out.

This pissed me off.

I'd been doing really well with the whole Swearing-Off-Heero-Yuy thing, and all he wanted to do was spend more time with me. Oh, goody. And his idea of `spending time' was playing basketball in the park, shirtless and sweaty. Those images stayed with me for a good week and a half, most of which were nothing compared to the dreams I got.

Just turn him down, you say? Tell him that I'm too busy?

Listen up, damn you, and listen good-*Heero Yuy is not the same boy he was*. He did a lot of changing, evolving, and growing up after the war ended for good. Relena helped him so very much, she really did. They'd been involved for a little while, but as he grew up and she grew up, they grew apart. Still close, probably the equivalent to Heero and myself, but it was more of a sibling thing. Relena adored him with all her heart, and he protected her with that fierceness that I admired in him. When she announced her engagement to a young politician, he offered to give her away at her wedding. He was still quiet, soft-spoken, almost to the point of being shy, but he wasn't so hard to approach. He didn't glare like he used to, and while he never smiled much, it was easy to tell that he wasn't unhappy.

WuFei had a lot to do with it, too. I never saw it myself, but that boy did *something* to my best friend to loosen him up, and no, that was not a double meaning. Heero laughed occasionally, and when he did, I found a little space inside my heart swell with happiness. Half of my heart is Heero-shaped, I'll have you know. I'd say it's all Heero-shaped, but then I'd be defeating my Swearing-Off-Heero-Yuy purpose. I was absurdly determined to fall out of love. I really was.

And then he had to go and do something so…heartbreakingly sweet that it made me want to cry. Like the time when he realized that we'd never celebrated my birthday. Heero pestered me for days about it, in his own strange, subtle way, until I admitted that I never knew my birth date. He asked why, I became stubborn…then he gave me that look. It's not like Quatre's, all innocence and cuteness. Heero's look is…It made me feel like I had killed his damn puppy, and it was only in his eyes. That's where all of his emotion is-in his intense, deep blue eyes.

So I told him a little bit about my past before he met me. And do you know what that son of a bitch did? That bastard, that kind-hearted, beautiful bastard must've spent hours online, matching my personality to my star sign. He used numerology, astrology, I think he may have even contacted some Wiccans, for God's sake. And he came up to me one day about, oh, two weeks ago and said, very quietly, "It's passed now, but I think your birthday may be on June 9th. You're a Gemini. And your lucky number is four, like me."

How can you *not* find that completely just…wow? After he told me that, I went online and looked at an astrology website…and what do you know? I'm a perfect match for a Gemini.

So whenever Heero asks me to do something with him, I cannot turn him down. I just can't. And yes, I know that it's making it harder to resist that pull that I feel to him, but my God, he's just…Well.

Maybe falling out of love is harder than falling in.

*

"Duo? Duo, are you listening?"

I snapped out of my thoughts (which were about how his eyes had almost a silver glow to them in the center) and stared at him for a few moments, still idly stirring my sundae. "What? Sorry, I was…spacing."

He quirked a small smile and switched our sundaes. I nearly blushed-he knew how much I hated when the ice-cream was reduced to mush, and he didn't care either way. Just another one of those stupid sweet things that makes me love him even more. And it didn't escape me that he gave me his spoon as well, so technically we were-Stop it, Duo. Don't go there.

"Have you decided between the vest and picture frame yet?" he questioned, probably for the third or fourth time. Heero can never run out of patience, I think. It's part of his being a Virgo (yes, I looked up every damn thing I could find online about it, since he told me that his birthday was on September 9th, and I memorized most of it, too). I guess I'd been a little wistful one day and I decided to search to see what Virgos and romance were like, blushing and feeling stupid the entire damn time. I memorized it: //The well-toned Virgo often has a body which is the envy of many, thanks to a healthy regimen of diet and exercise.// You would not believe how true this is… //It's safe to say that a heady game of tennis followed by a leafy salad would be aphrodisiac enough for those born under this sign. Many encounters with Virgo will be a well-choreographed ballet of excellent taste, seeing as how neat surroundings and stylish accoutrements are considered important to these folk. The level-headed Virgo is also a conciliator where romance is concerned, perhaps because being in love for them means falling hard. All that effort cannot be wasted. As a result, this perfectionist aims to please, and Virgo's lover will be one happy camper.// Did I ever mention that I like camping? //Wise partners, though, will know that the Virgin also needs a place to call home.//

So, of course, that got me to thinking about Heero's body, which made me think of sex with Heero, which made me take a thirty-minute cold shower, which made me nearly sob with complete and utter humiliation that I couldn't control my emotions.

Another thing I did, in a fit of jealousy, I suppose, was I matched up Virgo with Scorpio/Libra, WuFei's sign. I memorized this too-it pissed me off and made me feel happy that the two of them could fit so well together. It coincides with my star sign well-I'm fickle as shit. But it still got those conflicting emotions welling up in me and I couldn't stand it, so even when I tried to forget what I'd memorized, I couldn't do it, and I kept picturing Heero and WuFei together...

Basically, in a relationship, Scorpio/Libra and Virgo are brought together by their differences. The couple produces strong ties and are loyal as hell to each other. They don't go out and party, they'd rather stay home and spend time together (I can't picture Heero and WuFei doing either of these, but what do I know?), and are quite dependable (too damn true). Heero's the introverted one, WuFei's a little more outgoing, and while Virgos want order, Scorpios want power, so together they have a perfect goddamn match.

Poor Duo, you say. Duo doesn't fit in here in their perfect little world. Perfect, perfect, perfect.

The worst thing about this damn site was when I decided to see how Heero and I would match up, something completely far-fetched and stupid, and I still to this day have no idea why the hell I did it.

Our relationship would be rocky as hell. We'd have a hard time seeing things eye to eye (which happens already in the friendship). But we could do it.

Heero and I could fall deeply in love with each other.

"Duo!"

I nearly jumped as I realized that Heero was sitting next to me instead of across from me, one hand on my shoulder. He looked almost frightened. "I thought you were catatonic or something. I've been calling your name for nearly five minutes and you haven't responded."

My face flamed red, I know it, and I could only think about how his hand was burning where it was resting on my shoulder, which was really stupid seeing how Heero touched me a lot during the day. I don't think I have ever been so completely mortified in my entire life, and my first reaction to being horribly humiliated was to run away. Before I even *thought* about hauling ass, Heero's grip tightened on my shoulder.

"Duo, are you all right?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine," I stammered, feeling sick. Nice going, Maxwell. You're thinking about your love interest and you start to space out so badly you can't even respond to a simple question.

I looked over at him to say something and I noticed that he was smiling. "Love interest?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "Who is it?"

I was ready to laugh and cry at the same time when I realized that yes, I'd said that out loud. Thank the almighty Jesus that I did not say his name. I would've killed myself if I had. As it was, I had to save face somehow, so I merely bubbled up a laugh and said, "Oh, I'm restoring a car that I got from the Sweepers. You gotta see it, Hee-man, she's a real beauty."

He blinked and I could tell that he didn't quite buy my fib (it was not a lie, it was a fib-there's a difference), so I went into great detail about the car, so much so that even I started to believe it. Which made me feel so nauseous I thought I would throw up. *That's* where the fib became a flat out lie, and I have never lied before in my entire life. I never thought I would start with Heero.

He finally believed me and even laughed a little. "Let's go, Duo. We need to get a gift and head on out."

I ended up buying the deep red silk vest *and* the silver Celtic knot picture frame, having been unable to choose, and Heero bought some dorky pink bunny slippers as a gag gift and an embroidery set (Quatre had recently gotten obsessed with embroidery, something that never fails to make us tease him and his sisters adore him).

Before we left the mall, Heero took me into an electronics store and told me to get something that I wanted. I gaped at him and asked him what the hell for, and he said "just because". I argued with him for nearly fifteen minutes, but he remained adamant, so I insisted that I buy him a gift as well. He reluctantly agreed, and I bought a CD I'd had my eye on (XXX by ZZ Top, an old, *old* pre-colony band that I love), before dragging his too-kind ass into the bookstore. Standing side by side in the fiction section, Heero glanced up down at me from his four inch height difference. Dr. Sally Po thinks that my stunted growth is due to lack of nutrients in my youth, which could definitely be true. Not to mention the fact that God hates me so much that he thought one day `Hey, let's make Duo Maxwell a midget at five foot five'.

"Duo, I bought you that CD because I wanted to," Heero said, his eyes intense as he watched me. "You do not owe me anything."

"I know I don't," I murmured. "What book do you want?"

He sighed in that silent Heero Yuy way of his, reaching out to pluck something off the shelves. "This one."

"You didn't even look at it," I accused, and he smiled.

"I didn't have to. I've wanted this one for a while."

I leaned in and examined the cover of the book, which read The Inferno of Dante: A New Verse Translated by Robert Pinksy. Bilingual Edition. "The Inferno?" I questioned, curious. "What's it about?"

He glanced at me and smiled a little wider. My heart did a three-sixty. "A journey through hell."

I snatched the book from him and inspected it a little more closely. After reading a bit while he just watched me (something that made me feel self-conscious that I hadn't changed out of my jeans and too-small black shirt that day) I grabbed a copy for myself and ignored his sudden smirk as I stalked towards the register and paid for both books.

In the car, he drove while I pulled out what I'd designated as my own copy and I started reading. Amused, I assume, Heero said, "Read some of it out loud."

"No." I think I mainly said it just to be contrite, something that we both do often. I suppose the real reason is because I was desperate for the familiar constant in our friendship, the playful banter, because I was feeling on edge and strung as tight as a bow, and the slightest bit of emotional over-stimulation was going to destroy my defenses completely. I was walking on the tightrope of sanity and was ready to tumble off.

He quirked an eyebrow at me, a stupid trick that I hate because I can't do it. "Please?"

I sighed. "You have it, Heero. You can read it."

"I want to read it now, and I can't do that while driving. Please?"

"Get WuFei to read it to you when you get home," I said, and was horrified to hear my tone sounding petulant and pouty. I do not pout, dammit. I don't. I covered it up by saying, "It'll give you two something to do together."

He was silent. I thought, <Oh shit, I've gone and made him think that I'm jealous, which I am, but I never, ever want him to know that.> He surprised the crap out of me by releasing the gear shift and touching my hand. "Duo, does it ever bother you that WuFei and I are…dating?"

Well, slap my ass and call me Barney, the son of a bitch is fucking psychic. I laughed, and thank

God it came out sounding real. I gave his hand a squeeze and was stunned by the electric shock I felt. "Heero, buddy, your happiness means everything to me, you know that." At least *that* was the truth. "I'm glad you two found each other-you belong together." That was true too. I felt a little better about lying earlier by telling him the truth, even if I evaded his question a little.

He sighed. "I can't get you to tell me something you don't want to tell, but I know you're upset. I just can't pinpoint what it is."

I rolled my eyes and patted his hand. "You're just a worrywart, Heero. I'm fine. Really."

As he pulled into my apartment complex to drop me off, I realized that I'd lied to my best friend for the second time in one day, and I also realized that it made me feel worse than ever.

**

**

**

"WuFei?" I called, walking into my apartment and setting the keys on the small table by the door and hanging my jacket on the coat rack. "Are you back yet?"

"In the kitchen," a voice returned, and I walked around the corner to see him at the stove, stirring something in a large pot. "I hope you're in the mood for spaghetti. If you aren't, too bad."

"Spaghetti's fine," I assured him, stepping closer for a quick `welcome home' kiss. I still blushed whenever he kissed me, simply because WuFei is extremely…sensual. It doesn't matter what he's doing, even if it's something as silly as putting on socks, he makes it sensual. So that little kiss, barely a peck on the lips, made me all flustered as I sat down at our small kitchen table, pulling out the book Duo had bought me.

"What's that?" he questioned, walking by me to grab a towel that was folded on the table and brushing gentle fingers across the back of my neck in the process. I shivered.

"Duo bought it for me. Dante's Inferno."

"Duo bought it?"

"I bought him a CD, so he insisted on the book." I sighed and rubbed my temples where a headache was forming. "I'm worried about him. He's been acting strange-today he spaced out so badly I couldn't get his attention after about five minutes. I kept calling his name, but he just…stared off, focused on nothing."

He sat down in the chair next to me while the spaghetti cooked and settled a hand on my knee. "Remember how shocked he was when we told him?"

"…Yes…"

"Heero, he's your best friend. He's used to having you around all the time. He is probably still getting used to it, you know? And I know that you don't want him feeling left out, and you've been spending a lot of time with him lately, trying to remedy that fact. I think he's going to be fine, given enough time. Don't push him to do anything he doesn't want to do-you and I know damn well that *that's* not a particularly wise idea."

I looked into his onyx eyes and thought for a moment. I could feel my expression softening. "I *have* spent a lot of time with him lately, haven't I?"

He nodded, smiling. "Yes, you have. I honestly don't think you have to worry about him-"

I shifted forward and kissed him, cutting off his words. "But I haven't spent much time with *you*, have I?"

His eyes sparked like black fire. Another thing about WuFei is that he is extremely…sexual. Sexual and sensual describe him exactly-once he was able to open up enough to me, his libido hit me like an attack and I thought he would eat me alive. WuFei Chang has absolutely no problems whatsoever in getting aroused.

You know, when I spent a couple of weeks figuring out Duo's birthday, I managed to do my own and Trowa's as well. WuFei was born on the Scorpio/Libra cusp, and I am a Virgo. I read his sign's description and I thought back to when I first met him, realizing that it is all very true. When I read the part about them being fiery, passionate, sexual lovers, I thought about our burgeoning relationship and was shocked to discover that yes, WuFei is a definite Scorpio/Libra.

I will state right up front that we have two separate bedrooms. We don't sleep together, unless we end up falling asleep on the couch or he just happens to doze off on my bed or me on his. I never doubted that he wanted the next level, I just wasn't ready to give it, so he didn't push. But he *did* and still does take every little piece of affection I offer and cradles it greedily, wanting more and more but refusing to ask for it.

So when I gave him the unexpected kiss, he responded enthusiastically, curling one arm around my waist and dragging me closer to him, his free hand sifting through my hair. It damn near took my breath away. I only pulled away when I thought he was going to jump me right then and there, but I stayed in his embrace for a few moments, just letting his scent wash over me as I clenched the green tank top he-

I stopped and looked him in the eye. "Are you wearing my shirt?"

He shrugged, the hand on my back moving in slow circles. "Yeah. You mind?"

"No." For some reason, I was absurdly pleased. It was stupid and just plain weird, but it gave me a little…fuzzy feeling, knowing that he was wearing something of mine. Just for that, I gave him a kiss and a nip on his jaw, where I knew he was extremely sensitive, for some reason. He in turn licked my earlobe and sucked it into his mouth, and it was quite some time before we were both ready to eat dinner.

Afterwards, he took his customary shower while I busied myself with cleaning up my room a little, getting the dirty laundry out of the way. When he was done, he came and sat next to me on the couch, leaning in and giving me a soft kiss on my cheek. "Do you want to watch a movie?"

"I was hoping to maybe read a little," I admitted.

"Okay. I'll go turn in now, then. I got up too early this morning and had too long of a day-the extra sleep will do me good."

I felt immediately guilty and reached for his hand as he stood. I used a portion of my strength and tugged him back down to me, sweeping out with my foot to knock him off balance. The end result was him with his face in my lap and his legs all twisted at an awkward angle half off the floor and half on.

He looked up at me and glared, his damp hair wisping around his face. "If you wanted to fool around, you could've told me," he growled, looking pointedly at my crotch. I flushed and held up the book as evidence.

"We are going to read this together. Got it?"

"You're bossy tonight," he grumbled, flipping onto his back with his head resting on my thigh.

"You're bossy every night. You owe me." I handed him the book. "Now. Read to me."

"What are you, four?"

"If I was four years old, you'd be a child molester," I said seriously, and he barked out a laugh. I got comfortable with one leg folded beneath me and my fingers combing through his hair-I love his hair, it's fine and silky like the glistening gossamer strands of a spider's web-while he opened the book with an air of annoyance that I knew was just for play.

WuFei's voice was soft and quiet, that deep bass of his soothing me immensely. We read for an hour before finally moving to go to bed.

He gave me a kiss good night at my door and held me to him for a few moments, and I relaxed into his warm, strong arms, just as he relaxed into mine. I kissed him a few more times before whispering something stupid about waking me up a little earlier so I'd have time to shower, and he nodded his acquiescence, knowing that he'd be up early as usual doing his katas.

I had a fleeting, burning moment of wanting him with me in my bed, but I didn't dare ask. When the time came, we would both know it and feel it, and it would move along naturally without any spoken words. Now just wasn't the time.

His lips sought mine for one last deep kiss before he walked down the short, three-step hallway and slipped inside his room, as I walked into mine. I dreamed about traveling the dark, despairing road to hell that night. I put myself in Dante's place. I dreamed leaving Limbo with Virgil, the poet, Dante's master and leader. I talked to the lovers, Paolo and Francesca. I crossed the river Styx and slipped into the City of Dis. I met the sinners, I walked the paths they walked, and I woke up feeling strangely…calm.

It was still early yet. Without much conscious thought, I walked to WuFei's room as though on autopilot. I pushed the door open quietly. I crossed over to the full-size bed. I looked down on him as he slept and I wondered, not for the first time, why we seem to fit together so well. I pulled back the covers and flushed my body against his, noting that he slept in boxers and a t-shirt, but apparently threw the t-shirt off sometime during the night. It was crumpled on the floor beside the side-table drawer.

I woke him up with kisses pressed along his face, jaw, and neck. He gave me the strangest, sleepiest expression I'd ever seen, and when he made as if to question me, I slid on top of him and aligned my body to his, hands stroking any expanse of caramel skin I could find. I licked and nibbled at his neck, found his pulse and sucked in harshly, causing his breath to hitch in his chest. His hand came up and almost delicately cupped the back of my neck, urging me gently to continue my ministrations, while the other one rested lightly on my hip, dipping a little beneath the waistband of my pants as though to ask permission.

I wriggled against him and he took it as an answer, slowly rolling over until I was beneath him. He kissed me fiercely, his much-more experienced hands gliding and caressing over me, lips insistently parting my own, legs tangled in mine. He found a nipple and swirled his tongue around it, and the sharp shock of pure pleasure jolted through me and my back arched up on its own; I think I gasped a little, the first noise either of us had made since I'd crawled into bed with him. Before I was really aware of it, I was hard and aching, and I could feel him pressing against me, breathing harshly as he ground his hips into mine, letting me feel the heat and strength of his passion.

My fingers clawed at his back, scratching and leaving marks, and it made his desire soar higher than I would have thought possible. As the morning light filtered through the sheer emerald curtains in his room, I saw his eyes for the first time and was stunned by the glittering shards of ebony that watched me, sooty lashes quivering as he blinked. He wanted me so badly I could see it in his eyes. WuFei is an expert at concealing how he feels, and I could actually see the lust in his eyes, could see how he was burning for me. But if I'd said one word, just one word, whether it be `no', or `stop', he would have done so.

I pushed up against him, aligning our erections through the cloth of his boxers and the material of my pants, and he all but attacked me like a wild animal, pinning me to the mattress as his lips devoured mine. I don't know how he did it, and I can never figure it out even if I try, but he got my pants off me before I even discovered that they were gone. Then his hand wrapped around me and I thought I would lose it right then, but he kissed me softly, gently, and I looked at him through the haze clouding my eyes.

His hand pumped. I moaned. I swallowed hard to wet my suddenly dry throat and closed my eyes, increasing the intensity of the emotions.

"No," he whispered hoarsely, "open your eyes, Heero. I want to see your eyes."

I did as he bid, but it was hard. His own eyes were striking in their fervor, like fierce slivers of kohl; as he kissed me, hard, he still refused to let me close my own. I'm really not quite sure what happened next. All I know is that he slipped a finger between my parted lips and I sucked on it for a few moments before he withdrew and hitched my hips up a little, his hand never ceasing movement on me. He probed until he found what he was looking for and gently inserted the tip of his finger into me. It felt strange and alien, and I tried to move away, but he used some of his body weight to hold me still. Then his lips touched my swollen member and he swallowed me as much as he could, and that was where I lost nearly all conscious thought. By the time my orgasm was nearly upon me, he had three fingers inside me, stretching me, preparing me for the next step.

My abdomen tightened. My leg muscles convulsed. He released me with a last sharp suck and I was left whimpering, not understanding why I couldn't control myself. He murmured no-nonsense words to me, some in English, some in Mandarin, and a few in my own language of Japanese.

"I'll be right back," he said, straightening, and I clutched at him with my legs around his hips, not saying anything, just being quietly stubborn. He smirked and untangled himself, kissing my lips softly. It felt like forever, and when he came back, he was amused that I hadn't moved an inch. He had something in his hand, I couldn't see what, it was still dim in the room and my own desire made it hard as hell to focus on anything for long.

He knelt down between my spread legs again, leaning forward to capture my lips in a passionate kiss. I think I pressed against him, because he let out a moan that I eagerly swallowed as I kissed him again, my tongue battling with his. He finally broke away and left a small trail of heated kisses down my neck. He placed one final kiss upon my heart.

"Heero, are you sure?"

"Yes."

"You're positive? There's no turning back." He unscrewed the lid on the little tube and met my eyes.

"I'm positive."

"You're a virgin, I take it?"

I blushed pretty badly then, thanking the gods above that it was too dark to see. "Yes."

"Then put your ankles on my shoulders. It's awkward, but it's easier for you."

I decided against mentioning that I was limber as all hell, almost as much as Trowa, and I did as he suggested quite easily. One hand was busy doing something I couldn't see, but the other one was tracing gentle patterns up and down the outside of my leg. He wiped his hand on a towel that I hadn't known was there before tossing it onto the floor. I jumped and yelped when something a little cool touched against me, and he used his now-dry hand to press against my abdomen, calming me.

"This is going to hurt a bit," he murmured, voice deeper than usual. "Just keep as relaxed as possible, okay? Don't clench your muscles yet."

I wanted to ask which muscles not to clench when I was suddenly shown. His member, hard and slick, pushed against my passage. I didn't know if it would fit-WuFei was a little longer than average, but by God, was he thick. I honestly thought I would rip in half until the head slid passed and the rest followed swiftly. When he was seated, I discovered that I was clenching the sheets so tightly that they'd started to tear.

WuFei was struggling with breathing properly, and I recovered quickly, almost too quickly for him, and when I shifted a little, he cried out in pleasure. It was the most noise he'd made through all of this, and also the most erotic. I squeezed around him experimentally and I blushed again at the animalistic cacophony that was ripped from his throat.

I decided I liked it when *he* was the one who couldn't control himself, and I forced him to move inside me. Where I got the leverage to pull and push, I have no idea, but it seemed to work and in seconds, maybe less, he was slamming into me with a force that would've split another person right in half, but I was a Gundam pilot. I could bend steel, for Christ's sake. A little rough play didn't hurt me.

It was over in an obscenely embarrassing amount of time. He cried out to God, and as soon as I heard it, I came in waves, my body bowing up until my torrid chest rubbed against his. He screamed, actually screamed my name, and he came inside me, his hot seed burning my insides and I marveled at the feeling as he fell, boneless, onto me. I grunted and slipped my legs off his shoulders-I was limber, but not *that* limber.

For a few minutes, I seriously thought he may have died. I couldn't hear him breathing, and I think his heart was thundering so fast that I couldn't feel the individual beats. After he moved a little to disengage from me, I sighed in relief. He kissed me, I kissed him.

I knew he wouldn't be a real cuddler, so I didn't mind when he slipped out of bed, naked (when the hell did he lose his boxers?), and went into the kitchen. I contemplated returning to my room for perhaps another fifteen minutes of sleep, but I was so exhausted that I really didn't care. Work didn't appeal much, really, but I knew I had to go.

WuFei returned a few minutes later with a warm washcloth, and I was embarrassed to see what a mess we'd made. He cleaned me up gently, almost reverently, and placed a kiss on my forehead before leaving once more to put the washcloth in the laundry.

When he came back, I was just struggling to get up when he slid in bed next to me. "What are you doing, Yuy?"

I glanced at him with a glare. "We have to go to work, if you haven't noticed."

"I called us in sick."

I did a double take. He was completely and utterly serious. "We can't miss a day of work!"

"We never have before. I think this day is a special occasion." He crawled towards me and we shared one of those I'm-really-horny-but-too-damn-tired-to-do-anything-about-it kisses. "We'll take a nap and then figure out what to do for the rest of the day."

"Like what?"

He grinned. "I'm sure I can think of something."

**

**

**

"Quatre? Quatre! Where the hell is Yuy? He and I have a lot of paperwork to do!"

Quatre snickered. I glared. "What's your problem, blondie?"

"I won't tell you if you call me names," he huffed, still grinning mischievously. I sighed and leaned against the wall of his office, folding my arms across my chest.

"Fine. Spill."

"Heero and WuFei called in sick to work today."

I was sure my eyes had popped out of my damn skull. "Excuse me?!"

"You heard me. WuFei called them both in sick."

I suddenly got the picture. "You mean they were boinking."

"I assume so, yes," he said, the perfect picture of dignity. "Though `boinking' wasn't exactly the word I would have used."

Well, doesn't God just fucking hate me? No, I don't think you quite understand-the heavens have conspired against me. And I can't go to hell, Satan's scared of ole Shinigami. What was that song that I heard once? Oh yeah-it was called Terror by My Ruin. It's a brilliant song promoting feminism, I think-at least, that's what I got out of it. Anyway, some of my favorite lyrics go like this: I am able to change, so I live without regret, without remorse-Only a remix…I am drunk, I am sober. Heaven doesn't want me and hell's afraid I'll take over…

It may be about a woman, but it sums me up perfectly. Heaven's put me as an outcast, hell's afraid of me, and I have nowhere to go. Therefore, I am stuck here where the most perfect man in the world has a lover.

It took goddamn long enough, but Heero and WuFei finally shacked up. Lovely. Superb. I'm so happy for them, the goddamn fucking happy couple. Whoop de fucking do.

I felt like shit. Could you tell?

"Duo, are you okay?" Quatre questioned, looking at me with worried blue-green eyes. I tried to summon a smile and failed miserably.

"I'm fine," I lied. What is it with me? I've been lying to every damn body lately. It's not me. It isn't. "I think I'll just go get that paperwork done, then."

I was halfway out the door before Quatre had his last comment. "Duo, they love each other very much, but Heero loves you too. You mean a lot to him, you know that."

"I know," I murmured, not sure if he'd heard me. Apparently he had, for I soon found myself being hugged by him. Quatre was cuteness embodied, and his hugs reflected that, so it was no surprise that I wasn't able to resist holding him for a few seconds before letting go.

"Seriously, though," he said, looking down (yes, down, I'm the shortest out of all of them, dammit) at me with somber eyes. "Your friendship is everything to him."

"I know," I repeated, unable to say anymore. He tilted my chin up so I met his eyes and he gave me another one of those rainbow-and-bunny-rabbits smiles.

"Cheer up. I know you love him, are in love with him, but if it wasn't for you, he wouldn't be the person he is today."

"I didn't do shit," I grumbled, blushing a little.

"Yes, you did. Just being his friend helped to open him up. Without you, he'd still be cold and compassionless-you made him feel and love, Duo. That's quite an accomplishment that only a best friend can do."

Best friend. Joy. "I gotta go, Quatre."

"Duo…"

"Don't. I'm really busy and I need to stay focused. I'll see you later." On a whim, I gave him an extra hug before hurrying out of his company. I loved Quatre to death, don't get me wrong, but talking about my feelings for Heero with him almost always made me feel like I was about to cry. Which is completely unacceptable, not to mention mortifying. I've never cried in front of anyone, not since I was a child, and I'll be damned if I start now.

I managed not to think about Heero too much all day, and I stayed an hour or so later than usual to get all the paperwork done that he and I were supposed to do that day. It wasn't a lot, exactly, and it wasn't hard, but there was quite a bit involved for just one person. I averaged about five sheets an hour, and when I looked at the clock, I was stunned to see that it was ten. I'd only wanted to stay until eight-thirty!

Sighing, I decided to just finish everything tonight. I had maybe twelve more sheets to go, shouldn't take too long. I flipped on my stereo and put in some music to keep me calm. It was a CD I'd burned, and Jewel's Foolish Games started to play. Oh, go to hell, stop laughing at me. I'm a huge Jewel fan. She's got the most beautiful voice, and her lyrics are so touching. For some reason, this song reminds me of Heero. Okay, so nearly everything can remind me of Heero, including but not limited to spandex shorts, machinery, and the color green, but this song especially and I'm not quite sure why.

You took your coat off and stood in the rain. You were always crazy like that. And I watched from my window, always felt I was outside looking in on you. You were always the mysterious one, with dark eyes and careless hair, you were fashionably sensitive, but too cool to care.

Before I realized it, I was singing softly. "You stood in my doorway, with nothing to say, besides some comment on the weather. Well, in case you failed to notice, in case you failed to see….this is my heart, bleeding before you, this is me down on my knees. These foolish games are tearing me apart…and your thoughtless words are breaking my heart. You're breaking my heart."

My voice isn't the best, I admit. I think, out of all of us, Trowa has the nicest singing voice. And I sounded like shit, trying to go to alto and soprano and being unable to, with my low bass/tenor. But somehow, singing the words, I don't know…I could feel my throat constricting and my breathing laboring as I tried to fend off the tears. It was so stupid, it really was. The song didn't exactly fit and my mood wasn't exactly `wistful schoolgirl', so I couldn't understand why I was so close to crying. I never do this! I really don't! I'm just not a crier, like Quatre, who sobbed when his cat had nine kittens.

I stopped singing shortly after that, and ended up changing the song, too. I'm so pathetic.

In moments, I was listening to Headstrong, by Trapt. It got my frame of mind and my spirits up, and I eagerly returned to work, finally slipping off my shoes in hopes that no one would catch me so unprofessional. My jacket and tie were already hanging neatly on my little wooden coat rack, so I was as comfortable as I could be while sitting in a stiff office chair with a mound and a half of paperwork to complete.

Headstrong played through, followed by Foreigner's Urgent, a personal favorite of mine, despite the 80's flair. Eagles' Desperado, Green Day's Time of Your Life (Good Riddance), then The Mystic's Dream by sultry Irish singer Lorena McKennitt played next. My CDs are sort of a projection of who I am. You can tell what mood I was in just by listening to certain CDs. I've dubbed this CD Heeroitis. Yes, I have Heeroitis. It's incurable and the only way I'll recover from it is if I meet my death and find there's no life after. If there's life after death, I'll still love Heero.

Thank God Godsmack started to play. I don't know what I'd have done if I'd let my sappiness get to me.

I'm not the one who's so far away, when I feel the snakebite enter my veins. Never did I wanna be here again, and I don't remember why I came…

This was something I could sing to and not have to worry about bursting into tears. So I let myself go, my body slinking sinuously to the music while I worked on my papers, still concentrating but not so completely. And yes, I sang. "Candles raise my desire, why I'm so far away. No more meaning to my life, no more reason to stay. Freezing, feeling, breathe in, breathe in. I'm coming back again.

"I'm not the one who's so far away, when I feel the snakebite enter my veins. Never did I wanna be here again, and I don't remember why I came…"

"Duo, why are you at work so late?"

I thought my fucking heart with explode out of my fucking chest at the sound of a voice from my open door. When the hell had my door opened?! I'd had it shut!

I look up in disbelief to see curious, electric blue eyes looking at me. Well, damn. Go figure that Heero Yuy would be the only person in the world able to get in my line of vision *without* me seeing them.

Once my heart had stopped trying to leap out of my throat, I motioned for him to come into my office. "You scared the shit out of me, man. Don't do that again."

He looked contrite and I suddenly noticed that a grocery bag was nestled in his arms. Goddamn lucky grocery bag. "Sorry. I was walking to the store, and on the walk back I saw that your light was still on. Why are you still here?"

I rubbed at the back of my neck, where a tension headache was starting to form. "Too much paperwork to finish in one day, that's all. And since I only have…nine sheets left, I decided to keep on working."

He winced. "It's because I wasn't here today, isn't it?"

"No, not exactly." Lying may very well be my forte. That thought wasn't comforting. "They just kept restocking me all day. What did you get at the store?" I contemplated shutting off my stereo, but nothing embarrassing was blaring out, so I let him make himself comfortable while I worked on some more paperwork.

"Oh, I had an ice-cream craving."

I glanced up and raised my eyebrows (I'm still working on raising just one, but I haven't quite mastered it yet). "You had an ice-cream craving?"

He flushed a little. "Yes. Is that so hard to believe?"

"A little," I admitted, returning to the task at hand. "I never pegged you to crave things. I don't know why."

"Hm. What are you listening to?"

"A mix. This is Godsmack's Voodoo."

"I like it," he commented. "Is there anything I can help with?"

"Nah, I've got it. It shouldn't take me much longer."

"It'll go faster with the two of us," he insisted, but I laughed.

"Your ice-cream will melt. Besides, I don't have that much more to do, really."

As he was about to respond, another song started playing. I was nearly positive that my heart, which had been doing some interesting things since Heero walked in the room, had dropped straight down to my stomach.

It was Goodnight Saigon, by Billy Joel. Have you ever heard the song? No? It's intense. It never fails to choke me up every time, and Trowa as well, since he first played it for me about a year ago. It may not have too much correlation with the Eve Wars, seeing how I think it's about some war from long ago called the Vietnam War, whatever that is, but it's about war all the same. War and comrades. And death.

"I'll turn this off," I said hastily, standing up and moving towards the stereo, but at the first lyrics, We met as soul mates, Heero just shook his head and I was helpless to do anything about the situation with the look he was giving me.

So we listened to the song.

We met as soul mates on Parris Island. We left as inmates from an asylum. And we were sharp, as sharp as knives, and we were so gung ho to lay down our lives.

Heero seemed to retreat into himself, but he was listening very hard. I was nearly panicking.

We came in spastic, like tameless horses. We left in plastic as numbered corpses.

His eyes widened.

And we learned fast to travel light. Our arms were heavy but our bellies were tight.

In the short pause, I asked, "Do you want me to change it now?"

He shook his head sharply, just once. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. Be quiet and let me listen."

I obeyed.

We had no home front, we had no soft soap. They sent us Playboy, they gave us Bob Hope. We dug in deep and shot on sight-Heero flinched-And prayed to Jesus Christ with all of our might.-I flinched. I'd done this a lot.-We had no cameras to shoot the landscape. We passed the hash pipe-Heero obviously had no idea what a hash pipe was, which I thought was almost cute-And played our Doors tapes. And it was dark, so dark at night, and we held on to each other, like brother to brother. Heero actually took my hand then, and I squeezed his fingers tightly. We promised our mothers we'd write.

And we would all go down together.

We said we'd all go down together

Yes, we would all go down together…

It was a song that seemed to last forever. I had to endure to occasional flickers of pain across Heero's face as he connected the song to his past. Our past. As soldiers. Do you know how long this song is? My version, which I think is a live version, is seven minutes and twenty-six seconds long. I had to suffer for seven minutes and twenty-six seconds with a pained Heero Yuy. Do you have any fucking idea what that did to me?

After it was over, I untangled my fingers from his and all but dived for the stereo, unplugging the motherfucker. I didn't turn to face him-I just couldn't-but instead he spoke first.

"Who sings that?"

God, but his voice was shaking, trembling. "Billy Joel." Would you look at that-my voice shook too.

"What is it called?"

"Goodnight Saigon."

The silence was so tense I thought that maybe he'd left, but then he spoke once more. "Can you burn that CD for me?"

"The whole CD?" I was being a coward. I hadn't turned to face him yet.

"What songs are on there?"

"Oh, uh…" Damn. Figures that he'd want the CD with all the songs that remind me of him. "Here, I have the list inside the CD."

I handed it to him, just so I wouldn't have to tell him which songs were on there, even though I knew all of them by heart. Most were by Trapt, believe it or not. I began to move around, picking up stray things around the desk while he perused my playlist. After a few moments, he asked softly, "Would I like these?"

If I was surprised that he was asking my opinion, thank God I didn't really show it. "I think you would," I said evasively.

"There are a lot of songs on here," he commented. "MP3 CD?"

"Yes."

"Will you burn it for me?"

"Sure," I said, not thinking. I couldn't deny him anything. If he wanted my heart wrapped up in a pretty box, I'd rip it out of my chest myself.

"Thanks." He hesitated. "Are you sure you don't want help with the paperwork?"

"I'm positive. Go back home with your ice-cream. Just don't spill any on `Fei." On an impulse, a massive effort on my part to show him that I was okay with his relationship (which I really wasn't, but we'll get to the lying thing later), I added with a grin, "And if you do, remember to clean it up. And clean up in a more creative way than a paper towel."

He blushed brightly and I laughed, pushing him out of my office. He told me good night, I responded with the same, and he left.

As soon as I knew he was gone, I fished out a blank CD and popped it into my computer CD writer, then put in the one he wanted into the slot above it. I had it burned within minutes.

I snuck into his office and placed the new CD (which only said For Heero, from Duo on it in my chicken scratch handwriting) on his keyboard, where he was sure to find it in the morning…if he didn't miss yet another day of work. After that, I returned to my office and finished the paperwork up in two hours and went home to crash in my soft, comfy bed.

I dreamt about cow-shaped ships flying through nebulas that looked like bowls of tartar sauce, and woke up in the morning with a splitting headache, a leftover present from my busting my ass all day, I assume. I felt a little bit achy, more than I should've been, so I took my temperature and discover, with astonishment and dismay, that I actually had a slight fever. My nose was a little stuffed up, but nothing too serious, so I took some aspirin and chugged some water before taking a quick shower and drying my hair. I braided it while searching my closet for a clean button-down, finding it, and slipping it on. Next came the pants (after the boxers, of course), then my socks, shoes, and a tie. Since my dress shirt was gray, the tie matched, and I have to say it looked rather spiffy. I shucked on the standard black Preventers jacket and found my wallet, slipping it into my pocket, and by eight-thirty I was ready for a day of work.

I drove the twenty minutes to the regular red-brick building, stopping on the way to pick up a croissant and a coffee from a fast food place before parking and taking the elevator up to the ninth floor.

I said good morning to my secretary, nodded to a few people I'd made acquaintances with, and entered my glass office to find a note on my desk:

DUO,

THANKS FOR THE CD.

LOVE,

HEERO

I don't think I stopped smiling all day, despite the raging fever and headache.

Heero Yuy will be my downfall.

**

**

**

My lover had the strangest quirks of anyone I'd ever known.

After our full day of lovemaking, we reluctantly returned to work the following day. I left before him and had dinner half done by the time he came through the door, hair disheveled and looking as though it had never seen a brush.

"WuFei?"

"In here," I called. "Where else would I be?" I stirred the pasta and added a few spices. His arms came around me and I leaned into him as he kissed the side of my neck, having to reach up a little to do so.

"What are you making?"

"Italian. Chicken parmesan, pasta with meat sauce, breadsticks, salad, and red wine. Tiramisu for dessert. Sound good?"

"Very good. You've always been a better cook than me."

I smiled softly. "It was my mother's forte."

He grew quiet. "WuFei, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up-"

"It's all right. I like remembering her."

He was silent a few more moments before saying, "Duo burned a CD for me. Can I play it?"

I turned a little to look him in the eye, amused. "Why are you asking permission?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I'll go put it on."

He slipped away and I resisted the urge to swat him on the rear. It wasn't a habit I made and I didn't feel like starting just then. Maybe another time.

Soon, the sounds of drums and guitars were filling our apartment. I didn't care for that type of music much, but Heero seemed to, so I tolerated it simply for him.

I was surprised, though, when I heard him actually *singing* to the song. Something about `headstrong', I think, I was concentrating more on the fact that Heero's voice was pretty good; it suddenly occurred to me that I was burning the pasta, so I quickly shut it off and poured the rest of the sauce over the noodles.

I took the tiramisu I'd bought at the store out of the freezer and set it on the counter to thaw, and uncorked the new bottle of expensive (thought I didn't tell him how expensive, he's not a wine connoisseur like myself) Italian red wine. I quickly poured each glass a little above halfway full, knowing that Heero could probably only drink one glass, maybe two, before he gets a little tipsy. I tasted a sip and found that it was dry and rich, a wonderful taste that rolled off my tongue and made me smack my lips in satisfaction. It was definitely worth spending three-hundred credits.

"Dinner ready?" he called.

"Yes. Come sit down."

He did and I served us each a plate before setting down the wine. He looked up at me. "Will I like this wine?"

I smiled and nodded. Heero couldn't stand white wine, for some reason. He took a sip and gave me one of those rare, wide smiles. "You're right. Sit down."

I slid into my seat across from him and we each began eating in a comfortable silence, our feet twined together and occasionally moving a bit in a casual, flirty manner. He managed two glasses of wine before pushing his glass away, his eyes a little bit hazy.

"No more?" I questioned, finishing my glass.

"No more. I can't hold my liquor very well."

"Too true. At least you haven't slurred yet. Dessert now?"

He nodded and I cleared away our plates before slicing the tiramisu and serving it with forks. The song changed then (it had been a soft ballad with pianos) and Heero's eyes were suddenly intense on mine.

"Listen to this song, WuFei. Listen hard."

So I did. It was about war. War and friendship, and death and destruction. By the time it was done, Heero was sitting in my lap, lightly playing with my hair. I didn't even remember him getting up from his chair, much less on top of me.

I eased an arm around his waist and pressed my face into his shoulder, trying to stop the hitching breaths that had constricted my chest. The song was absolutely…spectacular. Moving. Tender. I didn't know what to say, so I opted not to say anything at all.

"Duo played that for me last night," he explained. "I liked it, despite its…I don't know. What is it that makes me want to cry?"

"I don't know either," I murmured, my grip on his slim waist tightening. We sat in silence for a few moments. The CD had stopped playing. Finally, his deft fingers unbound my hair and soon he was running his fingertips and his palms across the fine strands. I don't know why he likes my hair so much, but he's always playing with it.

Somehow, I'm not quite sure how, the gentle caresses became a bit more…*suggestive*, and soon we were kissing like there was no tomorrow, and I was backing him towards the bedroom, and his hands were *everywhere*, it felt like he had ten of them, and I didn't care that we never finished our dessert, didn't care that I hadn't had a shower or that the dishes weren't done or that we had two loads of laundry to do. Heero was willing, and I was desperate, and that was all that mattered.

I'd gotten him undressed with no problem, but when my hands ghosted down to his hidden entrance, he winced and his muscles jerked sharply.

"I'm sore," he said, blushing, and I just kissed him softly. Instead, I finished undressing and crawled on top of him, straddling his thighs and worshipping his body with my lips, teeth and tongue. When I found his ardent desire, I gave it a light lick before rolling onto my back, taking him with me so our rolls were reversed.

"You and I are equals in this relationship," I told him. "No one is more controlling than the other." I picked up his hand and lifted my hips, directing his fingers. "If you're sore, you can top."

I didn't think his eyes could get any wider, but I was wrong. They were huge, glowing and luminous in the fading evening light. I suddenly realized that we were in his room and not mine, and I wondered if that was my subconscious giving him the power to do as he pleased. Whatever it was, we were here, and his heavy dark blue curtains blocked out more light than mine did.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said softly, and I shook my head.

"You won't. Trust me. Just go slow."

"Have you ever…?"

"Been taken?"

He nodded, blushing furiously, though I think he would die if I pointed it out, so I kept quiet about it. "Yes, I've been taken. I was generally the dominant one, though."

"Who…I mean, do I…Have you…?" He couldn't get it out, and it was pitiful to see him try. I cut him off with a finger pressed against his lips.

"You don't know him. You don't work with him. You'll never meet him."

"Was it a long relationship?"

"No. Not as long as ours."

I think he was pleased by that, because he captured my lips and gave me a kiss that made me feel like he was trying to taste my soul. My hips bucked when his hands flitted down my chest to trace the muscles of my abdomen, and his tongue soon followed the path his hands carved. He was nearly just where I wanted him when something horrible happened.

The doorbell rang.

*

A/N: Ha. And there you go. That's part one, and I've got a lot more written, but I'd like to see how well this goes before posting the second part. Please give me feedback? ::grin:: I'd really appreciate it.