Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Pain of Life ❯ Chapter 16

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: I own nothing except the insane plot that emerges from my head.

Pairings: 3x5, 1x2, um ?x4. I mean you should have been able to figure it out by now.

Rating: R. Bwahahahahahahahahaha!

Author's note: None yet. At the end.

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Wufei opened his eyes to find that he was in his room, which at the moment was completely dark. He had ended up trying his best not to cry, failing miserably and then falling asleep. He had heard Duo tell him words far worse his entire lifetime, yet these had hit him hard. What did he expect? He shrugged to answer his own question and sat up, reaching to the side table to turn on the light. His eyes squinted as the lamp's bright glow brightened the room, or enough of it for him to see that Zechs did not occupy his own bed. His mind quickly replayed just exactly what had happened and Wufei sighed as he sat up.

He knew that Zechs knew himself that he had wanted to be alone, and had respected his wishes of not wanting to talk, but now he found that he would have to. Standing from his bed, he made his way to the door. It slowly creaked opened and he peeked out to find that it was dark in the halls as well. He stepped out into the hallway, ignoring the cold feeling of the wooden floor, looking for some sort of sign that Zechs was up and about. His eyes caught sight of the sliver of light down the hall, and he started his way toward it. He found himself soon enough in front of the music room, that from what Quatre had told him, would become his room soon enough and he paused in front of the door.

His ears caught the sound of the violin, and he nearly took it as Quatre, but he heard a mistake followed by a line of swears and he knew then that it was Zechs. Although he played, he was still in the midst of learning. He did however play the guitar really well. His hand took hold of the doorknob, and he went to open it, but hesitated. Maybe it would be better to talk about this in the morning? Wufei decided it was better to get it over with now, and he slowly pushed the door open.

Zechs silently cursed as he looked over the notes on the sheet of music in front of him. He hated playing the violin, but it pleased Quatre that he did. With a glance over to his guitar, he smirked. He could play it, but Quatre was asleep and to awake him from it wasn't exactly going to be a pleasant experience. He caught the sound of the door opening and turned to find Wufei now standing in the doorway.

"Hey.", Zechs greeted, deciding maybe he should pack away the instrument.

Wufei watched as he did, the door now closed behind him. There was a long passing of silence, Wufei looking down at the floor, and Zechs slowly opening the violin case. Wufei watched, not exactly sure why he had suddenly decided to go silent, but he figured he had better break it before things got even more awkward.

"Is something on your mind?", Zechs asked, before Wufei ever had a chance to speak.

“I’m sorry.”, Wufei said softly, “I didn’t mean to act as I did earlier.”

Zechs shrugged, murmuring something that sounded like an "it's okay", and the two fell silent again. Wufei watched as Zechs continued to pack away his violin, not quite sure what else he could say. It was too nerve-wracking, and it was making him nervous. Now Zechs was tuning his guitar, starting to slowly strum the strings.

“You can sit down.”, he told Wufei looking up into ebony eyes, “I like an audience.”

Hesitantly, Wufei sat down on a chair in front of Zechs and the stool he sat on. Once again the room fell silent, save the soft tune that Zechs strummed on his guitar. Wufei had come to talk to Zechs, but now he found himself unable to. Hopefully, Zechs had forgotten about their trade of tales.

“Don’t you have something to tell me?”, he asked with a slight smile, “Of course, you don’t have to tell me now.”

As he looked up to Zechs, Wufei shook his head.

“It’s my turn to share. I can’t back out now.”

The strumming stopped and Zechs removed the guitar to give the Chinese-Irish boy his full attention. Wufei wasn’t sure where to start, but he had to somehow.

“I moved here from Illinois.”, he started looking down at the floor.

“Chicago?”, Zechs asked in interest.

“No, Jacksonville.”, Wufei corrected.

“Oh. Go on.”

Gathering memories that he would rather forget, Wufei tried to put them all in a way he could tell the blond-haired boy in front of him.

“I used to live with my mother and father.”, he began again.

“What happened?”

“They died.”, Wufei said flatly, “My mother committed suicide, while my father died from a heart attack and alcohol poisoning.”

Zechs watched as Wufei gave out a shaky sigh, before hugging himself. How bad was it?

“My father used to hit us, all three of us.”

“Three?”, Zechs questioned out of curiousity.

“I have a half-brother, Duo.", he gave to answer the question, "He hit me, too.”

Wufei gave out a weak laugh that although was soft sounded close to being crazed.

“His mother was hit too you know, and she hanged herself. She killed herself, just like my mother did. I wonder if Duo walked in to see his mother dead, just like I did. I sometimes ask myself if he hates her for leaving him as much as I hated my mother. I couldn’t blame her though. My father was a man that would make anyone commit suicide. So I forgave her, and I still love her.”

Zechs sat in silence, watching as Wufei paused to either gather his thoughts or try to recompose himself. He went to speak, but Wufei was continuing with his story.

“When my mother died, my father got worse, and so did Duo. It was like that for a while. Of course, only until he died. Then I was left with Duo, who nearly killed me that night by the way. I’m not exactly sure why he didn’t. Anyway, we moved here afterwards. My brother, his perverted boyfriend, and unluckily I was dragged along with them."

Wufei connected eyes with Zechs, who was unable to look away from them, and he caught the years of pain in Wufei’s eyes. He knew what it felt like. To have someone lust after you, someone that you would rather not be acknowledged by. He knew all too well.

“My life started to go even more downhill.”, Wufei said turning away, “Duo got more addicted to his drugs, Heero was more determined on getting his way, and I. . . I was beginning to think that I’d be better of dead. That I was nothing, that I was useless. Then I met Trowa, and later on Quatre. Two people who actually thought that I was worth something, believed I was more than just a burden. If you’ll allow me to skip a few things and make a long story short, I ended up here with you guys and I’ve never been happier.”

Zechs watched as Wufei lowered his head, resting it on his raised knees that he hugged tightly.

“You’re lying.”, Zechs told him, “You may think you’re happy, or you were, until reality decided to pass your way again. Whatever it is Duo called you for today, it made you realize something, didn’t it?”

“Yes.”, Wufei answered, his head still lowered, “It made me realize that I’m better off without him. I don’t need him, I’m h. . . happy here. I don’t want anything to do with him.”

“Stop lying to me Wufei.”, Zechs said in an exasperated tone, "I hate it when people lie to me.”

As Wufei’s head lifted, his ebony eyes glared over to Zechs, who only calmly looked back at him unaffected.

“You can pretend to be happy here and you may seem to be happy. You yourself may even feel happy, but you’re miserable inside.”, Zechs told him, “What are really thinking?”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”, Wufei told him standing, “I didn’t poke and prod at your fucking life, don’t try it with mine.”

“Okay fine, run away.”, Zechs said in a cold tone, “From what I can tell that’s all you're fucking good at.”

Stopping at the door in which he was about to storm out of, Wufei’s fist clenched in anger.

“Fuck you, Zechs!”, Wufei yelled, turning back to face him, “You don’t know one fucking thing about me!”

“Of course I don’t.”, Zechs told him, “Anytime things get a little too rocky on memory lane, you fucking turn back.”

“What the hell do you want from me!”, Wufei screamed, “What do you want me to say!”

“Just tell me what the fuck you fee-"

“What I feel?”, Wufei cut him off, “You want to know how I fucking feel? I feel like shit. Are you happy now?”

“No.”, Zechs admitted, “Why?”

“Gods, you never quit do you?”, Wufei asked in annoyance, “I’ve told you why.”

“That’s not all of it. I know it’s not.”

“For fucks sake! Fine! You want to know why I feel like shit? Tonight my brother called me and told me that I should fucking get used to where I am, that I will never see him again. And I’m more confused than I’ve ever been, because I’ve dreamed of this day coming and now that it’s here, I feel like fucking crying. All my life I knew he didn’t want me, that he hated me, and I just want to know. . . why?”

He stopped to swallow the lump in his throat and stop the oncoming tears that threatened to fall.

“I don’t get it.”, he said in a low voice, “I don’t understand anything. What did I do? Why does he hate me so much?”

As Wufei failed at holding in his sobs, Zechs stood from his seat, making his way to the ebony-haired boy. His hand lifted to brush away a few strands of hair that escaped from Wufei’s ponytail.

“I’m sorry, Fei.”, he apologized, bringing his arms around the still sobbing boy in an embrace.

He felt Wufei’s arms tighten around him and he let him cry on his shoulder. He understood physical abuse, he even understood sexual abuse. However, he didn’t have siblings, so he had no idea whatsoever as to what it was like to not have your brother acknowledge you as such. It was awhile before Wufei finally fell silent, still clinging tightly on to Zechs. He had cried until he no longer could.

“You feel any better?”, Zechs tried, stroking ebony strands.

“No.”, Wufei told him, moving his head to rest in the crook of Zechs’ neck, the blond’s chin resting on the top of his head.

There was a moment of silence, and then they heard the door creak open. Blue eyes looked toward the door, to see Nalini standing there in the doorway rubbing her eyes sleepily, her teddy bear hanging from one hand.

“What happened?”, she asked with a yawn.

“Nothing.”, Zechs told her, “Go back to bed.”

Pausing for a moment, she stared at the two curiously. She only shrugged it off, and then turned to walk back down the hall, her teddy dragging behind her. Zechs turned his attention back to Wufei, who from the looks of it didn’t want to move anytime soon. However, sleep was a must and they both needed it.

“Come on, Wufei.”, he told the boy, “It’s time for bed. Besides, I’m afraid that Trowa might show up and beat the shit out of me.”

“He’s all the way in Queens.”, Wufei said with a smirk, “Besides, it’s just a hug.”

“Your boyfriend is scary.”, Zechs admitted, “I think he can sense things like this. I’d like to live my life thank you very much.”

Wufei pulled away with snort, Zechs offering him a smile.

“Thanks.”, he told the older boy, who only shrugged.

“No biggie.”, Zechs told him, “Let’s go to bed.”

With an arm around Wufei’s shoulders, Zechs led the shorter boy out of the music room and down the hall to their shared bedroom.

“You know what, how about we go out tomorrow?", he offered, "My treat.”

Looking up at Zechs, Wufei smiled.

“Sure. I need to take my mind off of things anyway.”

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“Duo? ”

Duo shifted in the darkness at the call of his name, knowing no one was there. He must be really tired. He was beginning to hear things.

“Duo.”

The voice sounded familiar; too familiar.

“I’m hearing things even without drugs.”, he told himself, “I must be going crazy.”

Turning in his bed, Duo heard the voice again but ignored it. He could have sworn it sounded like. . . no. It couldn’t be her. As he heard it again, he clenched his eyes shut, trying to force himself to go to sleep.

“David Maxwell Jr., don’t you dare ignore me.”

His real name. There was only one person who called him that. His eyes snapped open and he found himself standing in a field. An all too familiar field. Where was he? As he looked around, he noticed that he was able to see a beach not too far away from where he was standing. It was in walking distance even. He knew where he was now; he was home in Ireland.

“You’re just as stubborn and deaf as your father.”

Duo slowly turned to look behind him, eyes widening as he saw someone he never thought he’d see.

“Mom.”

Violet eyes looked back at him as the woman stood before him, hands on her hips. She smiled at him and Duo tried to take a step forward but found that he couldn’t.

“I’ve missed ya.”, she told him softly.

“Mom, I thought you were dead.”

“I am dead, Duo.”, she told him in a sad tone.

Duo felt a tear run down his cheek and he scrubbed it away. However, it didn’t stop the rest from coming or the silent sobs that took him. Before he knew it, he was kneeling on the ground sobbing as if he were a child. His mother was already in front of him, kneeling to be face to face with him.

“Don’t cry, little one.”, she cooed, gently stroking his hair.

“I miss you.”, Duo cried, still sobbing, “Why did you leave me?”

“I’m sorry, it was wrong of me. I should have never left you.”, she told him, wiping his face.

“It’s all his fault.”, Duo growled, looking down, “It’s always his fault. This would have never happen if-"

“Duo. Look at me, love.”, his mother gently ordered him, stopping his words short.

Duo looked up at his mother, who continued to stroke his face.

“It’s no one’s fault but my own. Don’t blame anyone but me.”, she told him.

“But if Da never met her, you would still be with me.”, Duo argued, “If she didn’t get pregnant-"

“I would’ve still been unhappy, Duo. I would still be gone.”

“But-"

“No buts.”, she told him, “I’m the only one who you should hate if you need to hate someone. I love you, Duo. I’m sorry I can’t be with you.”

Duo stopped unable to say anything else and he watched as his mother stood. She was leaving again; he didn’t want her to. Watching her walk away, Duo stood trying to follow her.

“Mom, wait!”

“Goodbye, Duo.”

Duo stopped in his tracks when his mother suddenly disappeared. He looked around frantically but couldn’t see her, and he knew she was gone again. This time she was gone for good.

“Mom!”

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Duo jumped awake, breathing heavily, and sitting up he looked around to find himself still in his room. In anger he gave a frustrated yell, his face falling into his hands. He didn’t understand anything anymore, what had made sense to him before only confused him now. For the first time in a long while, Duo gave a sob. He didn’t know what else to do. In his state he didn’t see the two women that stood on the other side of the room; he only noticed them when he heard the clicking of heels.

“That must have been some dream.”, Une said, placing her self on the edge of Duo’s bed, “I’d like to discuss it if you’d like.”

Looking up at the woman, Duo then turned his eyes to Noin. He was really in no mood to talk, but he knew that if he didn’t now, then he’d never understand any of it. Reluctantly, he nodded his head and Noin smiled. Things seemed as if it was bound to change soon.

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Wufei stared at the calendar in disbelief. It couldn’t have been right. He had been living with Quatre for exactly four months now. School was over for summer vacation and he was surprised to see that the time had past faster than he expected. He heard someone walk in and he looked to see Zechs.

“Guess what.”

“What?”, Wufei asked, flopping onto the bed that Zechs sat on.

“I said guess.”

“All right. You’ve figured out that Trowa and I have been thinking about a threesome with you?”

Wufei watched as Zechs’ mouth fell open and as his eyes widened in disbelief. He tried to stay serious but was unable to, and he began to laugh. Zechs glared, throwing a pillow at him.

“Don’t kid like that, I thought you were serious.”

“I’m sorry.”, Wufei apologized, “It’s just fun teasing you. So, what did you want me to know?"

“I don’t know if I want to tell you anymore.”, Zechs said, standing from the bed.

“Come on, Zechs. Stop acting like a baby. What is it?”

“First, answer me this. If Trowa had somehow died and you suddenly needed someone to help you feel not so lonely, sex included, who would you turn to?”

Wufei raised an eyebrow at Zechs as if to ask if he was serious about his question. Judging by the look on his face, he was.

“Well?”, Zechs asked impatiently.

“Yes.”, Wufei gave in with a sigh, “You’d be my back up.”

“That’s all I ask. Now if you'll excuse me, I must find Trowa and kill him.”

Stopping the blond-haired boy, Wufei pulled him back onto the bed.

“I answered your question. Now what did you have to tell me?”

With a smile Zechs sat up, turning to face Wufei completely.

“Dad’s coming home tomorrow.”, the blond teen announced happily.

“Zechs, what are you talking about?”, Wufei asked in confusion, “Quatre’s downstairs.”

“No, the dad in Russia.”, Zechs clarified.

“And?”

“And that means the two of them would want to have alone time, as scary as it is, and since it's summer vacation they wouldn’t care what time we come in. Basically, we have complete freedom. I’ll do parties, and you can do Trowa.”

He couldn't help the blush that took his cheeks at the words spoken, and Wufei pushed Zechs away from him. That was good news. He and Trowa did have less time with each other. It would be good to not have a curfew for the summer. Looking to Zechs, he smiled.

“So when and how do we celebrate?”, he asked, Zechs grinning.

“Tomorrow, there’s a rave. You and I will be there.”

“I’m in. I’m sure the three of us will have fun.”

“Three?”, Zechs asked, his good mood suddenly crushed.

“Yeah. Trowa’s coming with us.”

Zechs scoffed as he laid back on the bed. His hopes of getting Wufei alone were now gone. Why couldn’t he have just liked girls and leave it at that? Then he wouldn’t have to worry about having a crush on a boy who already had a boyfriend. Oh well, that was life. Zechs found Wufei’s face hovered over his in worry and a wicked idea formed in his head.

“Wufei, I have another secret.”, he told the opaque-eyed boy.

“What?”

“Come closer.”

Wufei complied, leaning forward, his ears ready for whatever it is that Zechs had to tell him. Smirking, Zechs grabbed Wufei behind his head, pulling him down. Wufei's protest stopped as lips touched his own and he froze for an instant before pushing himself away.

“I can’t believe you just did that.”, Wufei told him, slapping him in the side of his head.

Zechs didn’t mind, the pain was worth it. Besides, he may have never gotten another chance to do that, it was better he took it now.

“Sorry Fei, I couldn’t resist.”, he admitted, “I promise it’ll never happen again. At least not until I kill off Trowa.”

“You’re such an ass.”, Wufei said with a smile, “You’re lucky I won’t tell Trowa what you did. I like you to much, as a friend, to see you murdered by him. Come on, Quatre’s been looking for us. We have something to do today."

Rising from the bed, he walked out of the room and Zechs followed behind him, satisfied with the events of the day.

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Duo closed his suitcase, double checking in his head to see if he had forgotten anything. His eyes glanced around the room and he saw that he had packed everything that was his. He was done and he didn’t have to leave until 7:00 p.m. It was only 11:00 a.m. He heard a knock on the door and he allowed the person entrance. He had changed some over the weeks, his crude vocabulary had lessened, at least he thought so.

“You have a visitor.”, a nurse told him when she opened the door.

“Send them in.”

The nurse nodded, walking away, the door left open. Duo sighed, sitting on his bed and patiently waited. It could be Noin. She had told him that she was going to come early today. She was supposed to take him out of here and to-

His thoughts were cut off by the knock on the door, and violet eyes rose to meet a familiar face.

“Surprise.”, Heero said with a smirk.

Duo stood from the bed and turned his back to the man. Heero was the last person he wanted to encounter today. He felt the man move up behind him, and he turned only to be caught in Heero’s arms. As lips pressed against his, Duo forcefully pushed himself away.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing!”, he demanded in anger.

“What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?”, Heero countered.

“You left me here for four months and now you suddenly decide to show up!”

“I do believe that I did visit you.”, he reminded him.

“Yeah once, after bailing on me for a month!”, Duo told him with a sneer.

“What the fuck do you want me to say, I’m sorry!", Heero cried.

“Fuck you, Heero.”, Duo said, turning his back to him again.

Heero sighed in annoyance and reached out to touch Duo’s shoulder, but the braided man moved away.

“Duo-” Heero started, before he was cut short.

“I don’t want to hear any of your shit, Heero.”, Duo told him, still facing away from him, “I’d very much like it if you left now.”

Heero ran a hand through his hair, not sure what to do. He really needed to talk to Duo and yet the Irish man didn’t even want to look at him. This was going to be harder than he thought. Seating himself on the bed, he looked over to Duo again.

“Duo, I want to talk to you.”

He was given the cold shoulder and it forced him to rise from his seat and make his way over to Duo.

“Hey.”, he said, turning Duo to face him, “Just fucking listen to me for a second.”

“What?”

“I heard you were thinking about leaving.”

“Who told you that?”, Duo asked in suspicion.

“No one actually, I just saw your suitcase.”, Heero told him with a smirk, “You were thinking about leaving without even a goodbye?”

Sneering, Duo tried to pull free from Heero, but the Japanese man had a steel grip.

“Let go!”, Duo growled out, trying to pull free, “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“I won’t let go until you do.”

Reluctantly, Duo stopped struggling and Heero slowly let go.

“So where are you headed?”, he asked, “Somewhere close?”

“It’s none of your business.”, Duo objected.

“When will you be back?”

“Since when do you care?”, Duo questioned, “You’ll just go find someone, fuck ‘em and forget about me.”

Heero gave Duo a smirk. He would find someone and fuck him, but he wouldn’t forget about Duo. There was no one else like Duo. His brother maybe, but when you thought about it the two were different, but both were always on his mind. Now that Duo would be gone, who the hell did he have? Wufei was who knows the fuck where, and Duo was leaving to some anonymous place. He had to at least get some information from Duo.

“I’ll miss you.”, Heero told him, and Duo scoffed.

“Yeah fucking right.”, Duo mumbled looking down at the floor, his arms crossed.

“I’m serious. Aren’t you like my fucking boyfriend or some shit like that? I’m supposed to miss you, right?”

“Well if you don’t fucking know, then I don’t either.”, Duo told him.

He tried to walk past him, but Duo was stopped yet again by Heero.

“Well at least tell me when you’ll be back.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be back, and if I do return, it won’t be anytime soon.”, Duo told him walking past.

“So at least tell me where you’re going!”, Heero demanded.

Stopping in his tracks, Duo looked back at his “boyfriend”. He was beginning to become angry, which is what he didn’t want to happen. Everything had been going just fine, and then Heero had shown up.

“I’m going overseas.", he partially admitted, "Are you happy now?”

“No.”, Heero confessed, walking closer, “Where overseas?”

“I’m not telling you. You fucked up my life already, now I’m-"

“Wait.”, Heero said with a laugh, “Are trying to tell me that I’m the reason you’re leaving?”

“No.”, Duo said with a shake of his head, “You’re one of many.”

“This a load of bullshit.”, the Japanese man objected.

“Deal with it.”

Walking to the door, Duo held it open, signaling Heero that he should leave. Laughing yet again, Heero looked to Duo. He saw no hint that Duo was joking, so that meant he was serious. With a defeated sigh, Heero walked towards the door, stopping in front of the braided man.

“You’re really going to go without saying goodbye?”, Heero asked looking down into violet eyes.

“Goodbye, Heero.”, Duo said flatly.

Smirking, Heero grabbed Duo by the waist, pulling the man closer and pressing his lips to his. Duo tried to struggle but he allowed Heero to get his way and decided to participate. His mouth opened and his tongue danced with Heero’s. As the man’s arm tightened around his waist, Duo moaned wrapping his arms around the taller man. The two continued to kiss until the need to breathe could no longer be avoided. As they pulled away, Heero gave him a smile.

“Goodbye, Duo. Don’t be away too long.”

“I’ll try to be.”, Duo told him, pulling free.

Heero went to leave, but paused in remembrance.

“Oh, one more thing. Your brother, you wouldn’t happen to know where he is would you?”

Now it all made sense. The whole I’ll miss you shit, the concern, it was all a front to get what he really wanted to know. When it came to Heero, he was always more interested in Wufei than he was with him. What a fucking bastard.

“I’m going to tell you this as simple as I can Heero.”, Duo said in a low voice, his glare set onto the Japanese man, “Stay the fuck away from him!”

Heero was unable to answer back as the door was slammed shut in his face. He heard the click of the door locking and he sighed. He was also shocked. It seemed as if Duo had some sort of concern for Wufei. Maybe he had been hearing things? Fine then, if Duo didn’t want to help him, he’d find Wufei on his own.

T.B.C.

Okay, that is the end of this chapter and I’m really sorry if this sucked, I did it really quickly. I only had a day and I had major writer’s block. So gomen nasai times infinity. I hope you enjoyed it, though. I'm even closer to the end now and I’m sorry to keep those who keep up with my fic waitng. Unfortunately, you’ll have to wait again for the next chapter. u.u Sorry. Okay, please review. Ja ne for now.

Oh wait, I have to quickly explain some things. Al hough it may have seemed that Heero only said the things he said to get info on Wu-chan, that’s not all of it. He kind of meant it. I mean come on people, Duo needs some loving, too. Right? O.o And Zechs kissing Wufei, I figured he was suffering so he deserved something. They’ll continue to have more of a best friend/brother sort of relationship after this. Okay, now I’m done. The next chapter I’ll try to get up by any means necessary, okay? Love ya all and ciao for now! ^_^