Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Requiescere Sanus ❯ A test of faith ( Chapter 5 )

Chapter 5 - A test of faith

"Hmm, I guess not..." I almost purred. I wondered what he was thinking about behind his deep blue eyes. I brushed a light kiss against his cheek. "You should probably check your laptop, Heero... it might be important..." Not that I wanted him to get out of bed, but I knew that the mission and the doctors came first.

~*~

I sighed heavily, he was right. I looked at him lying against my pillows and captured that picture in the essence of my minds memory then stood and walked to the laptop nothing covering me. I opened the cover and sat by the desk my quick eyes darting over the text. Damnit. I swore lightly beneath my breaths, a mission, destroy Oz base at 20.00 in location 234 765. Hang on...another transmission coming through...

.::Oz, for the digression of his excellency Trieze.::. We have obtained the gundam pilot known as 02, we shall be questioning him at 20.00, until then...*normal* procedures will be upheld towards the captive, that includes the little...*perks* I'm sure you'd anticipate....Signing off...Lady Une.

That made it worse...Oz had Duo. I didn't know what to do, I was sure Duo was in deadly situations and he'd be tortured until his mission was revealed, hence the *perks* that were mentioned...yet I had a mission to complete, I had to choose between the two, which was more important...a human life or a mission...and then I knew. I'd have to blow up the base first and then try to save Duo. I looked over behind me to the man warming my bed and felt a wave of slight sadness pass over me. I slipped on a semi-translucent white shirt on over my chest and pulled on my shorts and trousers before gracefully and silently crossing the room to brush my lips over his briefly. I straightened and whispered my words mingling into the air little more than a faint kiss of wind on his face "goodbye.." and with that I leapt out of the air vent to manoeuvre to the wing zero and start the race of life and death. I wondered if I'd ever see him again, if I'd die...but it didn't matter did it? I'm a gundam pilot it's in the job description...it's in the job description...

~*~

I watched Heero go, stoic expression in place. As soon as I guessed he was out of earshot, I rose from his bed, stretched, and began redressing. I locked his door for him, knowing he wouldn't want any uninvited visitors in his room in his absence. Quickly I looked around, memorizing the layout of the room, hoping it wasn't the last time I was in it. Then I went through the air vents to my room next door. Landing silently, I lost my temper immediately. Thankfully I had set up a heavy punching bag, because I spun around and kicked it, not something else more breakable. Flash of rage over, I sat at my own desk with my laptop and called up old encrypted files... my way of contacting the doctors if needs be. Now, I decided, was the time to ask to be involved again. Meeting Heero had refuelled the desire to help bring down Oz, any way I could. I typed out a brief message, leaving all mention of Heero out, deliberated for a moment, and sent it. I had asked to be taken back, as a researcher, a spy, anything, as long as I could be a part. That done, I crossed the room and lay on my bed, thinking of what I had done with Heero... Would I ever see him again? Or would he die on this mission, or never come back to this school... where I could try and melt some of the ice in his soul. "Goodbye, Yuy," I whispered to myself.

~*~

I looked at the monitor of the wing zero checking my trajectory. I thought the mission over again in my head. What was more important to me, oz and the ship or duo...the sweet violet eyed pilot who had captivated me whilst I had been in the same dormitory as he. The kiss, the other things, memories came flooding back to me as I gripped the controls a little tighter, some memories good, some more of a sad nature, what would happen, I remembered the transmission I had picked up previously, then my thoughts glided to the man curled up on my bed only a few hours before, that was when I knew, I had to save Duo... I growled softly, my feelings were in the way of my mission, I shouldn't be like this, this was far from perfect, it was far from me, this is something that the soft blonde Arabian would do or even Wufei crusading to save some weak onna...but not me Heero Yuy pilot 01, so why were my hands slipping over the controls programming a course to the base Duo was contained on, the only thoughts in my head of violet eyes and soft hands, innocence and cunning devilry, I didn't know but I couldn't stand the thought of them hurting my Duo...my Duo? I questioned myself, since when had I looked at Duo in a protective possessive way, I shrugged callously and put it down to my weakness for feelings earlier that day...but I knew I couldn't turn weak and soft now, I had a base to infiltrate and a past lover to save, I almost pitied him sometimes, that look still in his eyes, soft, innocent, yet mine steely, icy blocking him out every step of the way until we separated and he stole that kiss.... that kiss that left me wanting more. I snarled in spite of myself hurrying the zero one towards its destination, the Niagara base in southern Quwait.

Slowly I landed and concealed the mecha in the undergrowth strapping my trusty gun at my side several clips in reserve. I slunk through the undergrowth the map of the base imprinted in my mind, the cells were the most highly guarded part of the base but at least getting in wouldn't be a problem. I reached the back wall the foliage still providing adequate cover as I moved back firing a sharp claw over a window ledge hearing a quiet scrapping as it dug firmly into the wood. I tugged lightly to check it was still embedded then started scaling the wall, fourth floor, from there the shafts to the 1st floor then simply navigate past the guards to the right cell and free him. I slipped in through the window and landed light as a feather pleased with my infiltration. I ran the three steps to the ventilation cover then slipped through it into the hatches, of course this wasn't the easy unguarded vents of the school.

I reached into my pocket and found a small canister, I reached ahead a little and sprayed it several red trip wires coming into view. I didn't panic but memorized their position. Slowly I rolled beneath the first then flung my body weight up hitting the roof above and hurtling over the second before pressing firmly to the base of the shaft as I squished myself below the third. I stopped my breathing only a tiny bit quicker then eyed the last laser before pressing to the side of the wall and creeping past it. I looked right then turned down that shaft crawling swiftly to the next turn off before I heard a small metallic buzz and the sound of wheels. I cautiously glanced down the shaft to see a small robot moving along the shaft. I swore lightly below my breath, if I took it out it'd set the whole place off like Fort Knox, but I was sure if I were to be detected then it'd be game over...I took a closer look analysing it before concluding it was a sight activated guard. I reached into my pocket again and found the spray and turned the top before squirting it making a cover of smoke which I moved swiftly through, I knew it wasn't far until I reached my destination and I took the according routes before sliding out the hatch into the floor containing the cells.

Moving from door to door I glanced through the peephole to see the prisoner contain finally seeing the long braid and violet eyes I'd been longing to see and slipping the latch. I moved into his cell and gently tapped his shoulder placing my finger to my lips as he looked up and mouthing I'm here to save you. Leaning forwards I took hold of him and pulled him gently through the door, his eyes were wide and bewildered, but he seemed pleased to see me. Slowly we made our way past the guards reaching closer and closer to the destination of our escape, we even got to the outside wall before we were jumped, I managed to fight off two guards my knuckles sore and bleeding as the third advanced "Duo quick...go get help go to the school at 567 098 and look for Yarri... tell him what happened and that I'm here...and tell him" I paused looking desperately into his violet eyes, the look of confusion crossing him. My heart sank and my eyes glazed as I kicked my self-protection button and my mask of no emotion was restored. "Tell him that I'll probably never see him again."

~*~

I lounged in my room, waiting for the beeps that would indicate a response from the doctors. Instead, almost 8 hours after Heero had left me without letting me say goodbye, a knock sounded at my door. I got up and answered it. A small boy with vibrant purple eyes and a braid even longer than my own stood there. "Yeah?" "Yarri?" I nodded. The boy grinned. "Good, right room. Listen, can I come in? It's about Heero." I frowned and nodded again. The boy brushed past me. "And you are?" I asked. "I'm Duo, Shinigami, 02, whatever. Shut the door, will you?" I shut the door and frowned at Duo. "What are you going to tell me?" Duo hung his head a bit. "Heero... He said to tell you he'd probably never see you again." I growled. "What happened?" Dup quickly told the story. "Stupid Heero... dammit..." I clenched my fists and glared at Duo. "We'll get him out. Did he finish his mission?" The braided boy shook his head. "Take care of it then. Then we'll get him out." Duo started to protest and I cut him off. "Do it. Go!" Duo nodded, silent, and walked to the door. As he passed me, he squeezed my shoulder and I shrugged him off. "Contact me when you're done. Then we get him out." Duo walked out the door and closed it behind him.

Unwanted tears pricked in my eyes and I dashed them away. Snarling, I whipped knives out of the sheathes in my sleeves and threw them at the wall. "I'll get you out, Heero. I swear it. Because dammit, I don't want to live without you." I glared at the knives in the wall and jumped up into the vents, crawling over to Heero's room. I had to hack into his laptop for his coordinates. I got them and took the computer back to my room, setting it up next to mine. I settled back to wait for Duo to return. Duo returned the next day, reporting to me that the mission was screwed over anyway because Heero hadn't taken the ship out when he was supposed to. Shrugging, I just showed him the coordinates and a map for the prison he had been and now Heero was in. Quickly we prepared, then Duo headed out in his Gundam to scout the place out. I had to go the much slower way, by transport.

I dashed across the campus to my car, only to run into Yohji, still pissed about the fencing encounter. "So, Sadi, the midget run away from you? Too scared of you to screw?" he said, smiling menacingly. "Shut the hell up, Yohji. Get out of my way." "No," he laughed, "I don't think so, Scarboy. I'll just keep you from your little slut." "That's it. I already warned you that insulting me or Heero was insane. You just did it for the second and third times. Now..." I released the dagger in my sleeve. "You're going to be Scarboy." I played with the knife in my fingers, then faster than the eye could see, I slashed one line across each cheek. Yohji put his hand to his face in astonishment, coming away with blood. "You bastard!" He screamed, and ran back to the school, tears and blood trailing down his pretty face. "I told you," I muttered as I walked quickly to my car and sped out of the parking lot.

I made my way to the nearest airport and stole a plane, flying close to the coordinates I had given Duo. I landed, ran from the plane, and made my way to the Gundams I had seen from the air. I met Duo nearby and together we infiltrated the prison the same way I guessed Heero had. We passed the guards and found Heero's cell. Duo got there first, and I followed at a more leisurely pace... well, as leisurely as possible in a high-security Oz prison. When I reached it, Duo had already opened the cell and was helping Heero out.

~*~

I had beaten off the guards as best as I could before finally sheer numbers had overwhelmed me and I'd lost my footing crashing to the floor. I felt strong arms come around mine and steel around my wrists. I was caught. I growled furious with myself being hauled in kicking and fighting silently the entire way. I was placed in a room and strapped to a chair, one of the guards with a cut across his lip from where I had caught him in the fray walked to me sneering a nasty glint in his emerald eyes "You stupid ass...thinking you could infiltrate our base... Lady Une will be here shortly to see you." He picked up a wooden stick nearby and hit me square across the jaw with it, my head flailed to the side with the force but I never gave him the privilege of a sound or wince. My cold eyes locked on his as he swung back for a second blow. I curved forwards as he swung ungraceful as her was and moved my foot out kicking his legs from under him as he was unbalanced. I smirked to myself as his face hit the floor a crackling signifying his nose had been fractured hanging in the air. He wobbled and got up blood gushing down his face and over his lips "I'll get you for that...mark my word I'll get you." I sat back and feigned indifference, though I knew that the throbbing on my jaw was the best of the things to come as Lady Une would bring more pain or at least that is what I presumed.

I waited and surveyed my surrounding 3rd floor interrogation room, I sighed and awaited my rescuers to arrive, it was so irritating to me that I was so...unable to decide my own destiny, yet I waited until I heard the click of heels on hard surfaces announcing Lady Une's arrival before she entered her hair neatly tied back in two buns. I looked at her my lips curling back in feral distain. She walked to me stroking my throbbing jaw, I turned away bangs of untidy hair falling over my eyes as I evaded her, she spoke "hello 01 welcome to Niagara base...whilst here you will tell us everything you know." I looked at her "I'd rather die first," a look of raw hatred and determination in my eyes. I looked up my eyes trailing over the blue skirt then blazer and over her face the light reflecting from her circular glasses a cold harsh tone smothering her face. She took the few steps towards me and sat smoothing the wrinkles from her blouse cravat "So, tell me a little about yourself boy" she almost hissed trying to create fear within me, it however didn't work, I just eyed her and remained silent my face not even twitching. She sat back folding her arms "Alright since you're playing dumb we'll start with an easier question. What's your name because I can't call you 01?" I watched her a little feral smile curling my lips back as I thought of the endless possibilities of my response trying to find the one that would irritate her most. I chose. "Trieze." I tugged at my binds experimentally and watched in amusement as her face reddened with anger, my amusement soon turned to pain as she lashed out my head once again sweeping to the side as she struck "Don't play smart with me 01" she sat back looking more ruffled.

The interrogation continued in a similar manner for 30 minutes or so before infuriated she called the guards to take me to another room, here they proceeded to beat me, their implements, cutting, piercing, thumping, breaking and raking into my sides and face until I winced slightly as their blows fell on my broken ribs, I was quite glad when I was returned bruised and sore to Lady Une, the questioning returned and again I refused her any answers, she growled "Throw him in his cell no food and water for 4 days." I was hauled down the corridor to the cell my ankles being kicked and broken along the way, again no sound escaped me, I barely felt it, my instincts had kicked in and endorphins had stopped the pain. I crawled into the corner as the shut the door and glanced out the window it was sun down and I sighed my ribs protesting at every breath.

That night I shivered, the cell was cold and I was tired but I knew I couldn't sleep, during the night I began having delusions, I fancied myself back in my room in the school, Duo curled around my naked body once more his unbraided hair playing over me as the moonlight highlighted his features, then my mind changed the perspective and instead Yarri was in the cell with me comforting me… where was he...where was he now… I could only wonder. I glimpsed the moon... could it be he too had seen the same moon and was thinking of me...my weakened mind fragilely scraped for an answer but found none. I closed my Prussian orbs and rested my head back on the wall semi unconscious the few hours to morning.

I heard a noise and tensed slightly as I assumed it was the guards returning for me...the door opened and in the sunlight framed stood Yarri...was my mind playing false delusions to me again? He seemed clear enough and I winced closing my eyes a little against the light to here his words of reassurance and escape, I tried to stand and cursed myself as I fell quite limp to the floor "You'll have to excuse me I seem to have left my ankles outside.." I looked up at him hoping he'd understand though I still assumed he was a figment of my imagination.

~*~

Duo laughed quietly. "Heero, you made a joke! What did they do to you?" He looked back at me. "C'mon, help me get him out of here." I knelt beside him and wrapped my arm behind his back and under his arms. Slowly we lifted him to his feet, supporting him one both sides. "Hello, Yuy." I resisted the urge to just push Duo away and kiss Heero, there and then. But we had to get him out before anything else could happen to him. As quickly and as silently as possible, we slid back out the way we had come in, dragging Heero with us. Finally outside, the guards still unaware of Heero's absence and our presence, Duo and I set Heero down under the cover of some brush. "Can you fly Wing?" Duo asked. Heero nodded. I didn't really believe him, and neither did Duo, but we helped the stoic pilot to his mecha and he got in. Duo and I headed over to our own vehicles and we took off back to the school.

~*~

I was aided out to the wing zero and closed the door hatch. I blurrily looked around before touching the controls slightly and running my hand over the steering stick. I knew we had to be fast, but I could barely see the controls, I closed my eyes and dizzily pressed a few switched the familiar rumble of the engines sounding to my relief. I mutter to myself realizing I'd just been aided to escape it was so unlike me to need help. I shrugged, I was alive for now...that was good wasn't it? I didn't know...I looked around out of the screen and fuzzily moved forwards slightly to start to move towards our destination.

.::Sound the bugle now, play it just for me, as the seasons change remember how I used to be::.

I looked out of the monitor at the death scythe and car moving away from me. Then towards the base from which I had escaped, I should have died in there, but yet they had come, come to save me, I wondered why...then my thoughts turned to Duo...it had been so long... and him just being around made things different... did he remember how I used to be... before I became the perfect soldier...did anyone remember the real Heero Yuy....the young happy child not caught up in war and bloodshed and wishing for death… I didn't think so...but would they ever know or care, would I ever be remember when my spark was extinguished from this world or would I be another nameless soldier buried in a field far from home with no indication I ever existed?

.::Now I can't go on I can't even start.::.

I paused, I couldn't seem to engage the zero wing, and there we remained watching Duo and Yarri move away from the base, I knew that when things returned to the school it would be tense and awkward, I couldn't even start to explain to either of them to how I felt, or if I even had feeling, I wouldn't even know what to say as I am a boy of very few words. I couldn't seem to move at all, it was strange but it was if I wanted to die right here and now rather than carry on and have to be between them both.

.::I've got nothing left, just an empty heart, I'm a soldier wounded so I must give up the fight.::.

I winced as my hand gingerly brushed my wounded ribs. Still I hadn't moved, I wondered if my injuries would prevent me from piloting the zero wing, I didn't know my capabilities, but since when had injury prevented me from anything. So I pushed forwards taking skywards to follow the death scythe, my heart ached dull and empty, I brushed it off to the beating or heart burn after all I didn't know love, fear, hate, sadness or emotion, that just wasn't in my programming. I suddenly was aware of a throbbing along my sides as my cracked ribs began to dully ache, the mecha dipped slightly as a momentary lapse of concentration gripped me then I straightened up again before moving faster to catch up with the 02.

.::There's nothing more for me, lead me away or leave me lying here...::.

I crept up along the side of the deathscythe working out that by our speed it would be 10 minutes before we were safely out of the way of any troops from the base that wished to retain our captivity, but after calculating that my mind wandered to ponder why I was actually able to figure that much, why had they saved me and lead me away from oz's clutches instead of leaving me there to die, lying in the corner of a cell to fade and finally give way under the barbarity of the corporations scrutiny, I didn't understand, was my mission not wholly directed to my inevitable demise, my death, what was there here for me...and then I knew...they were here for me...but that led to other questions...Yarri or Duo..

.:: Sound the bugle now, tell them I don't care...there's not a road I know that leads to anywhere.::.

As I considered this I knew my answer...I'd have to tell them both I didn't care about them and just walk away...any weakness in my mask or façade would only lead to jeopardizing the missions, and I could allow that to happen, whatever road I took would bring pain, if I went with Duo Yarri would be hurt, if I went with Yarri Duo would be hurt and if I went with neither both would be hurt...and I... I...well if I possessed feeling I assumed I would also be hurt...but such things do not trifle me, of course not, I can take anything, can't I…

.:: Without a light I fear I will stumble in the dark, lay right down and decide not to go on...::.

What if I did lose them both...maybe that would be it...maybe that is what it would take to finally make me able to finish my job and snuff out the pitiful light that signified my existence, maybe I should just fly back to the oz base and self destruct the zero wing taking myself and the entire base out with the explosion. I didn't know but as I looked at the 02 ahead of me in the viewing screen I realized that I couldn't not yet...I had to sort some things out before I did and that would have to start with Duo and Yarri I had to tell them both about each other...

.::Then from on high, somewhere in the distance, there's a voice that calls, remember who you are, if you loose yourself your courage soon will follow, so be strong tonight, remember who you are.::.

I suddenly began to remember the terrain flashing beneath below me as a voice filtered in trough the communication ports "Heero, nearly back at your school, we should leave our mobile suits here and then continue by foot." It was Duo. I weakly affirmed my agreement then landed the wing zero, I knew Yarri would be some time coming as his car would be slower than we so I allowed Duo to help me into the side entrance propping me up against his smaller slighter frame his braid swaying merrily behind him as he led me to my room. He seemed perky and happy, I on the other hand was tired and in pain. I was relieved as we entered my familiar room, I barely logged my laptop was missing before Duo had pressed a soft kiss to my lips, I almost fell backwards but he supported me "Hee-chan, it's been so long I've missed you..." He traced a slight pattern on my chest, again I tried to pull away and winced as his finger slipped over my broken ribs. "It's ok Hee-chan I'm here now it'll be ok" piped the enthusiastic American, I glanced at him eyes cold as ever "but Duo.." I started before he cut in again "It's alright Heero, We'll get you out of these clothes and get you into the bath.." I registered my tank top being removed and started to splutter as he moved to remove my spandex too "D-..Du...Duo" he paid no heed and swiftly slipped me out of my spandex before setting me on the bed before running the water in the bath.

"Now Heero...don't you move..." "Not like I was going anywhere Maxwell" I growled motioning to my ankles but watching slightly bemused as he skipped into the bathroom rolling up his sleeves. My mind throbbing but functional spun...was he going to...wash me…? I must admit the thought of that was quite an appetizing one but I had Yarri to think off...Duo returned and cradled me his soft arms roving over my skin as he moved me into the bath. He started moving over me gently cleansing my wounds, I leaned back closing my cobalt eyes trying to ignoring him *accidentally* brushing against me, I was managing pretty well before I realised he had slipped in the bath too, I opened one eye to see the bedevilled angel chestnut locks flowing freed around him sat in the pool of water in the bath. I couldn't help it, I'd seen that sensual look in those violet eyes before and I leaned up as he leaned down pressing my lips to his feeling his mouth with my tongue, it was then I heard the bathroom door open and someone walk in...The faint gasp betrayed the presence I looked up my eyes travelling to the door to see..

~*~

I stood in the doorway, taking in the scene before me. Heero and Duo, naked and kissing... My eye narrowed and I turned on my heel, walking quickly away. I had driven and flown recklessly fast to get back as quickly as possible, and then I saw this... I hurried back to my room and instantly started beating on the punching bag. -Doesn't mean anything. It didn't mean anything. Sex was just something to pass the time. No strings attached...- I tried to convince myself as I hit the bag mercilessly. -Just forget it. Get back to work. - I couldn't though, as tears started to form. I refused to cry. I didn't love him. I didn't. I didn't! It was only sex... only the one time. I only helped rescue him because the world needs him, not because I don't want to live without him. -No wonder he didn't give me the chance to say goodbye...- a traitorous voice said in my head. I wanted to think it was all a misunderstanding... that I hadn't really seen him with Duo... that the fact that he had sent Duo to tell me he'd probably never see me again actually _meant_ something... but I couldn't get the picture of them together out of my mind's eye.

~*~

I pushed Duo off my somehow and growled slightly, his heart shaped face turning confused then upset, his violet eyes glistening slightly with newly forming tears "Hee-chan?" he whimpered softly. "Get off me Duo...I don't know what love is, omae o korosu, bakayaro." I muttered feeling my heart wrenching from my chest then pulled myself somehow out of the bath slipping down the sides, I somehow had to get to Yarri but I couldn't, my injuries were stopping me, I growled frustrated and curled my hand into a fist driving it into the side of the bath the resounding thud replying me. I hated being helpless I HATED it. Duo looked at me a few tears licking his cheeks "Heero...what's wrong I thought… I thought you loved me..." I snarled my eyes wide and uncaring "I need to get out of here." Numbly he obeyed and helped me out, I dragged a towel round me and clung to the wall pulling myself into the shaft knowing Duo would probably follow me...I slipped over the way and half fell into the room next to mine, Yarri's room. I hit the floor with a dull thump as my hips contacted the floor but determined I wiggled on my bum peeking over the bed. "Yarri.." I implored... "It wasn't what it looked like.."

~*~

I turned to look at him coldly. "You don't have to explain things to me, Yuy. I have no claim on you." It was true, I didn't, as much as I wanted to. "You can do whatever you want." I wanted to go to him, hold him and kiss him and help him heal from the beatings but I couldn't, I couldn't trust myself. I glanced up at the vents, hearing a noise. Violet eyes stared tearfully down at me. I ignored Duo for the moment. Looking back at Heero, I said in a steely voice, eye grey as slate, "Go away, Heero." I didn't want him to... I wanted him to drop the towel that was barely covering him and I wanted him under me this time, I wanted to make him scream but I couldn't... I didn't love him, I didn't! I kept telling myself there as I watched the Prussian-eyed boy in my room calmly. "Go!" I turned my back on him and started working the punching bag again, taking my anger and hurt out on the innocent canvas sack.

~*~

I looked up at him my eyes lowering to the floor after I felt his ungiven kick to my jaw as my heart slowed a little and I rocked back onto my heels resting my feet on the floor. Numbly I stood ignoring the fact that both my ankles were shattered and walked to the door kicking it down before walking out silently the water trailing down my back in streams as I glanced over to Duo my eyes colder than ever before, colder than even when I intended harm or pain, no emotion lacing them I slammed my fist into the wall outside a crackling noise and a sluice of crimson blood down the wall indicating more broken bones. I wandered down the corridor half naked and bleeding not knowing where I was going until I stumbled into the gym looking left and right making sure it was uninhabited, I had left more on a blind obedience to his order than to a desire to leave, in fact the opposite, the very last thing I'd wanted to do was leave, but he'd left me no choice and I didn't know what else to do, I'd been left unknowing for the first time perhaps in my life.

I walked to the stand and located my rapier my eyes misting to a lifeless Prussian loosing any spark they might have once had, I played my fingers of the cold razor blade enjoying my blood running over the blade from the slices in my fingertips that I was creating, maybe this was it, maybe this was time for my...grandstand finale as Trowa put it, my last act upon the stage of life, my death. I looked at my wrists longingly, too long, too weak I thought before spinning the blade on its hilt and pressing it to the side of my sternum intent on skewering the blade right through my wretched betraying heart.

~*~

As soon as Heero had left, I felt my heart breaking in two. Or maybe three or four or a hundred tiny pieces. With one last violent punch to the bag, I glanced up where Duo had been. He was gone, so I followed after Heero. It wasn't hard, water and blood leave an obvious trail. Silently I crept after him. I followed him into the gym, saw him pick up his blade, hold it to his heart... And I knew then that I couldn't do anything other than stop him. I couldn't deny anything any more. Before he could stab himself, I crossed the floor and wrenched the rapier away from him. "Heero... you can't die yet..." I pressed my lips to his gently, then pulled back. "I love you..." Carefully I wrapped my arms around him, conscientious of his injuries. I kissed his neck. "I don't want... I can't.... don't leave me here..." I murmured. "Please, Heero..."

~*~

I looked up as the rapier was removed and almost fell upon him my ankles giving way again as sensation returned to my body. I kissed him gently in return my lips playing over his then rested my head on his shoulder my shoulders shaking slightly little gasping noises escaping me as I was racked, I felt an unusual pain in my eyes as salty water began to pool in the conjoin of his shoulder and head. I Heero Yuy, the perfect solider with no emotions was crying… I barely even knew what it was but I'd seen the weak cry before, usually before I had obliterated them. I managed to mumble husky between sobs "I won't go Yarri…" before collecting myself and sniffing once my eyes clearing as if it hadn't happened and was some form of illusion. I laced my arms around him shivering slightly the cold air chilling my wet body and creeping along me in waves of cold, I pressed closer to him. "I don't know how to get back to my room or if I can but I promise what you was with Duo...well it wasn't anything...it's true we were lovers but not anymore.." almost affectionate but not quite I nuzzled his neck looking innocent and lost rather like a child seeking approval or safety not like a murderer of thousands as I looked into his icy blue eye wondering if he could forgive me, I didn't know what had come over me, in future I noted to endeavour not to let my emotions overcome me again like that...I was sure Yarri would try to break the mask again, but carefully I pieced it back together before him piece by piece replacing my pose of no feelings and became composed again.

~*~

"I believe you, Heero. Now I'm taking you back to your room." Gently I scooped him up in my strong arms, ignoring indignant protests. I walked quickly back to Heero's room, holding him close to try and warm him a bit. I opened the door and carried him inside, setting him gently on his bed. "Where'd he go." I heard Duo speak from the shadows. "Gym." I ignored Duo as I looked around for some kind of first aid kit. Seeing none, I turned back to the pilot. "Duo, in my room, there's a first aid kit in the bathroom. Get it, please? He's broken at least 7 bones and he's covered in lacerations. Hurry." Duo moved to obey and as soon as he was gone, I pushed him slowly onto his back. I examined him clinically for the worst injuries... ankles and ribs, definitely. Then I brushed long bangs out of his eyes and kissed him gently and passionately. "That was pretty stupid, Heero, running away like that when you're hurt." I smiled. "I don't want to lose you..." and I kissed him again, harder, more demanding.

~*~

I looked up protesting as best as I could as he scooped me up in his arms, it was demeaning but I couldn't walk so what other choice did I have? I hung my head red tingeing below my scruffy bangs of dark hair my eyes semi closed wishing to get back to the room swiftly as the other members of the school fraternity gathered to watch Yarri carry me through the corridor, I hated to need him so much, to be a burden to him, to not be able to walk on my own two feet, but it was unavoidable. I felt relieved when we got through the door resting my head weakly on his shoulder, I looked over to see Duo stony faced stood by the wall then leaping through the vents to fetch a first aid kit his chestnut braid seeming lifeless as it hung to his waist. I looked up to see icy blue as my eyes met Yarri's. Unexpectedly he leaned forwards and kissed me his lips running over mine before dipping down and kissing harder, I felt surprised as if I was still delusional as when the phantom of Duo and I had danced across my minds eye while I was incarcerated. I leant up and kissed back with a much fierce passion that I could muster from my protesting body, I wasn't one to disappoint or let my body's limits dictate my actions. I heard the soft noise of Duo landing and glanced over to him my lips still pressed to Yarri's a look of horror on his face his violet eyes turning suddenly deadly "Hee-chan tell me this is a mistake." I winced slightly before making my customary response of dismissal "Hn." He scowled and his voice rose to a sharp growl vibrating in his throat "Omae o korosu! Never mess with the shinginami!" He glared coldly at Yarri then turned and walked to the door discarding the first aid kit as he left.

~*~

I pulled reluctantly away from Heero. "I'm sorry... didn't mean to mess things up between you and Duo..." I got up and retrieved the first aid kit and opened it, pulling out obscene amounts of bandage and antibiotic cream, along with needle and thread to stitch the deeper cuts. Gently I started to patch Heero up, admiring his stoic nature even when he had to be in massive amounts of pain. Finally I finished with what I could do. "Now... you sleep." I glared at him, daring him to defy me. I kissed his cheek lovingly, negating the glare. "Get better."

~*~

I shrugged slightly as he mentioned Duo a few bones crackling as my ribcage moved with the motion of my shoulders. "Hn. Duo, nothing." I grunted through the pain my hand tightening around the bed sheets beneath me as I brushed away the pain with sheer will power and determination. I growled as he told me to sleep my throat vibrating but not with the ferocity of Duo's a faint purr in the tone but it was barely audible "Sleep, don't need it." I replied shrugging before grabbing, my ankle and twisting it with various creaking and cracking sounds emanating from the point, I picked up a nearly piece of wood and used the bandages to make a splint. I reached for the other ankle moving in a similar motion to set that also into place. I grimaced slightly in pain as I tied the bandage around it to prevent the bones slipping back out of place. I faintly wondered if it would be possible to set my ribs back in a similar manner and ran an experimental finger down my side before shaking my head a few strands falling into my eyes then wrapped my whole chest in swathes of bandages pulling my ribs closer together to aid them healing. I grumbled again and kissed back a small quick and tentatively soft kiss "If I don't get well I can't hear the pretty noises you make for me in bed can I?" I replied smirking a little through the pain before lying down on my bed my cold cobalt eyes looking up at him expectantly then I shifted to the side of the bed leaving a space beside me and tapped my arm lightly on the covers still watching him carefully.

~*~

"What's to say I don't want to hear pretty noises from you, Heero?" I asked as I settled next to him. I glared again. "But not now. Sleep. Or no pretty noises from anyone for a long, long time." I kissed him deeply. I could tell he was in pain. "And by the way, try not to set your own bones when someone is around to help..." I stroked his cheek softly. "Or at least take painkiller first..." I put my finger to his lips as he made protesting noises. Smiling in what could be considered an evil manner, I slid one hand down his bandaged chest, careful not to apply any pressure that might hurt him. Teasingly, I played with the edge of the towel he still wore, running a finger underneath and stroking his soft skin. Slowly, I pulled it down, exposing Heero's rapidly hardening erection. Still smiling, I moved down his body until I was face-to-face (in a manner of speaking) to his length. Watching him with my wide, falsely innocent eye, I ran my tongue across the head, teasing him. When Heero arched up, I held his hips down and whispered, "Don't move or you'll hurt yourself again... make pretty noises for me, Heero..." Sure, I knew I'd told him to sleep, but if he was going to protest I might as well wear him out first...

~*~

I moved my head to his hand as he brushed my cheek and nodded swiftly "Remind me to break all my bones again so you can set them then." I stated in a dry and sarcastic voice then shrugged my shoulders "painkillers, hn." I winced slightly as a hand slipped down my chest my eyes burning after its trail as I watched it intently before sucking in a little breath as it played with my towel's edge "Yarri Don..." I started before I felt cold air wrap around me as the towel was removed leaving me open to the chilly air my evident arousal standing proud in the air. Yet still he was smiling innocently, I felt like reaching for my revolver and pointing it in his face and yelling omae o korosu for teasing me this way. Then he moved down his hot breath playing over my need. I sucked in a little more air fighting off the urge to close my eyes and not watch but it was so delicious, how could I not watch so I locked dark blue with light blue as my stare intensified. I felt his hot tongue cross my tip and automatically I arched my hips up to be nearer to his heat and face, a slight pain shooting down my body, but I ignored it until my hips were forced down and his sweet whispers coaxed over the air to me telling me to be still, I heard his request for noise and yet I couldn't bring myself to make them for him, my mask, my facade which I hide behind had been painstakingly reconstructed between the momentarily blip in the gym and here but for his sake I issued a forced half hearted moan letting it play over my lips and tipple from them to issue forth, the sound I made sounded odd even the sound I made sounded odd even to me, it sounded unsteady and uneasy though my soft deep voice vibrated with unspoken need and inner torture, I realised I was barely used to the sound of my own voice, I looked down again at Yarri almost pleadingly, my eyes seeming to beg for more of his gently touch and sweet caresses as injured and tired as I was now. I needed him.

~*~

I slowly traced a path from the base of Heero's arousal to the head with the tip of my tongue, then took him into my mouth. I watched and listened for his reaction and growled deep in my throat when Heero didn't respond. This, though, sent vibrations down his length and then I got sound... a soft moan slipped from between his sweet lips. Slowly, teasingly, I went down on Heero, taking more and more of him into my mouth, sucking and humming all the way, eliciting faint gasps and moans from his throat. I revelled in being able to do this to the Perfect Soldier, even if he was in a weakened state. Bringing Heero pleasure, making him feel like a normal person... that was a great accomplishment to me, and I smiled around Heero's length. Then I pulled almost all of the way off of him and was rewarded with a growl of protest, impatience... and I quickly bobbed my head down, swallowing to fight my gag reflex, and took Heero in until the head of his erection touched the back of my throat.

~*~

I experimentally moan as Yarri teased me his lips working over my erection, eliciting more gasps and noises as I tried to comply to his request for noise as he had complied to my request for silence. I closed my eyes somehow feeling much more whole and together and normal than I had ever felt in my life. A genuine gasp escaped my throat as he took my to the hilt. My spine arched elegantly from the bed as I felt his mouth around me. I opened both eyes Prussian locking onto icy blue in an intense gaze. I whimpered slightly as pain coursed my body, but the pleasure was outweighing the pain so I settled back into the sheets my eyes silently begging and pleading him for more as the breath caught in the back of my throat unable to speak another word.

~*~

I pulled off Heero a bit, sucking gently. His beautiful, deep eyes pleaded with me for more… I put my hand between Heero's legs and lightly stroked his sac, watching for his every move. Slowly I moved up and down on his shaft, bringing him closer to release. My hand squeezed gently as my tongue brushed him. My other hand pulled the tie off my braid so my hair hung loose, falling over his slender thighs, brushing his skin like white silk. He was so beautiful when he was nigh helpless, pleading with wide eyes for what I was giving him. I felt his body tense under my ministrations and I wanted to bring him over the edge, wanted to release him. I sucked harder, laving my tongue across the leaking head of his length.

~*~

I twitched slightly as his fingers brushed against me flinching almost as it gave rise to another deep throaty moan my deep voice drifting across the air between his speaking unspoken volumes, I began to appreciate why he unlike I may enjoy the sound of his partner. I felt his waves of silken hair brush my legs issuing forth another groan as my barrier cracked again for the second time in a day feeling waves of excitation racing through my body as a few droplets began to form on the tip of my shaft, and yet he still kept pleasuring me causing my spine muscles to tense making my back arch and rise off the bed barely feeling my broken ribs protesting vehemently to the movement as I ejaculated into his mouth my essence thick and fast as I emptied my heart and feelings into him, another groan escaping my throat as I climaxed into him.

~*~

I revelled in bringing Heero pleasure, swallowing every ounce of his precious seed, every salty-sweet drop. Slowly I let his flaccid member slip from my mouth, laying gentle kisses along his perfect body as I moved up to kiss him deeply. Pulling back, I whispered, "You're beautiful, Heero…" and kissed him again, allowing him to taste himself on my lips. "I love you," I murmured into the contact, then broke away again and lay beside him. I stroked his hair, brushing long, messy bangs out of his slightly flushed and still bruised face. "Now will you sleep?" I asked, twining one strand of hair in my fingers. "You need to get better."

~*~

I looked up at him still gasping slightly my breath coming in short sharp sucks whistling down my throat. I felt hands through my hair and trade markedly stayed silent but lean slightly to his fingers almost acknowledging them. My eyes glazed and darkened by pleasure to a smouldering deep blue observed him. I weakly nodded my affirmation my spinal muscles unlocking slowly allowing me to sink back down into the soft bed to rest my pained and wearied body. I raised my hand up to lace it over him in the haze of sleep and pleasure seeming almost affectionate as my hand slunk round his waist before my deep voice now crackly drifted to him "Only if you sleep too, long day." I let a few strands dip into my eyes as I closed them long lashes brushing my bangs and each other as my eyes closed a small smile playing over my lips before fading as I passed out from tiredness.

~*~

I smiled slightly as I watched him sleep. I wondered absently if I'd ever hear him say 'I love you' back to me. Sighing, I put it out of my mind and settled next to Heero, pulling the sheet over us. "Oyasumi, Heero..." I murmured as I fell asleep, too. In the vent above us, a pair of dangerous violet eyes glinted. "Omae o korosu, Yarri... Never, ever, mess with Shinigami!" Duo slipped away to his Gundam. That blonde bitch would pay for stealing his Hee-chan. Oh, how he would pay.

~*~

I awoke a dull pain throbbing in sweeps down my side as my ribs protested, I lifted my neck to a variety of cracks rebounding in the early morning light as my neck clicked into place a head coming into view asleep and resting upon my chest. I gently stroked my fingertips absent-mindedly through Yarri's hair the memories of last night, or rather early morning floating back to me as sunlight dappled over the room and into my eyes. I groan slightly my body aching more as I shifted. We had to move on, we'd been too long at this school, it was time to move to the safe house again, it'd be like old times just the 5 of us...wait...5...it's be 6...wouldn't it. Fortunately for me my tiredness had masked the pair of malicious violet eyes watching the endeavours of the night before from the ventilation shaft. Had it not I would have been rather more aware of my Shinigami co-pilot and would have been more wary around him. Slowly I slide from beneath him and tottered into the adjacent bathroom not bothering to look in the mirror as I turned the tap a steady flow of water sluicing my hand. I gingerly ran my hand over the parts of me that were not swathed in bandages cleansing them erasing the cooled dry perspiration of last night's endeavours. I glanced over my shoulder to the bed then back at the water my eyes cold and unchanging as ever, I'd tell him when he awoke, yes that's right...I'd maybe even ask him if he wanted to come.

~*~

Slowly I awoke when I heard running water. Unfamiliar room, smell of sex... Heero's room. Smiling slightly, I rose and went to the bathroom. Heero hadn't locked the door, so I entered. "Ohayo, Heero... sleep well?" I said softly, leaning against the doorframe.

~*~

I turned slightly the spicy scent of lust mingling in the air and clinging to him wrapping around him as he slunk in behind me, I didn't jump nor flinch, I'd heard him come. I looked at him through one eye from my turned head. "Hn." I replied before turning to watch him in the mirror my breath condensing on the reflective surface "Safe house, now, coming?" I finally managed to let my throat swallow and push past my under used vocal chords before turning back to him a small rustling and a flash of violet crossing my still blurred but fast and sharp eyesight as Duo crawled snarling to himself away and out of the vent system, heading for his Gundam to go to the safe house and arrive before us. His plans already coming to fruition. One shot and he'd kill the blonde, kill Yarri who had molested and stolen away his poor defenceless Hee-chan. Yes that was it...excellent...excellent. A deep sinister laugh erupted in the cockpit of the 02 as the pilot abandoned all reason to blinded rage and insanity. Yes...he'd die...die DIE!

~*~

I smiled. "If you want me to..." I said, moving closer to Heero. "I'd love to." I wrapped an arm around his waist gently. "Will the others be there?" I couldn't stand Quatre, annoying little pest, but he was from L4 too. He would know more about the colony and maybe my family than I did. And I wanted to meet the other pilots, as well.

~*~

I nodded slightly, of course I wanted him to come, not that I told him as much. I spoke again "They're there." I looked to him my eyes travelling slowly over him, I was sure it would be alright, Trowa never said a lot, he was quiet and gentle and never caused any problems, Wufei would rant on about the injustices of bringing a stranger into our confidence for a few days and then settle down again and Quatre was a friend to all. I smiled internally at the thought of the blonde haired smiling Arabian. And Duo...well he may be tricky after the last events but he'd come round and Quatre would cheer him up, I was sure of this. It couldn't go wrong. I wouldn't let it. How wrong I was...So true to my form I dressed silently and slipped out limping and hobbling in the shadows to my Gundam before loading it on a carrier ready for transport. It wasn't a long way to the safe house, about an hours drive. After it had all been secured I went back to my room and packed slowly sliding everything with precision into its place and awaited Yarri patiently in my room.

~*~

I kissed Heero lightly on the cheek and departed to my own room to gather my things; not much, nothing I really cared about except my laptop, Heero's laptop, which hadn't yet been returned to him, and my daggers. My katana was in the gym still, so I'd have to get that... but other than that, I had nothing. I glanced around my room one last time and leapt into the vent, creeping quietly back. "Ready when you are, Heero." I said calmly. I decided my katana wasn't all that important anyway, it wasn't even mine. I had gotten it from the school and I'd rather get one for myself. I handed him his laptop. Finally I was getting out of this stupid school and back with real fighters, and hopefully I'd actually be able to make a difference in the war. If only they'd let me pilot a Gundam again.

~*~

I took the laptop silent in my free hand then stooped to take my bag in my hand. Silent I slipped into the vents stopping at the computer room, again freeing my laptop I accessed the computer "Heero Yuy... who's he, we don't know..." I smiled silently as I erased both Yarri's files and mine, to all intents and purposes we didn't even really exist. I slipped back in the vents and glanced back at Yarri before slipping out towards the back of the school and moving through the stranded shadow light of the woods to the carrier. I stood aside and opened the door slipping into the drivers eat leaning over to open the second door for Yarri. I winced slightly as I placed the seatbelt around me before I turned my gaze through the window as he slipped into the seat. I mumbled slightly drawing away from the school heading through the woods to avoid detection by the Oz corporation who could be anywhere nearby at any time. Slowly we threaded our way through disused roads and quarries finally coming to a halt in a thick mass of thicket. "We're here." My eyes blazed slightly as I motioned to a well-concealed cabin that was our safe house.

~*~

Nice place," I said. Throughout the ride, we had been silent. I watched out the window, memorizing the way to the remote location, though every once in a while I glanced over at Heero and just studied him. He was incredibly beautiful, even as he was cold and distant from everyone. But his mask was cracking... I had no doubt that earlier, he wouldn't have brought anyone to the safe house, and that he was taking me was a measure of his humanity. -I'll melt you yet, Heero Yuy...- I thought to myself as we pulled up. I only hoped Duo wouldn't be too jealous, but I didn't know him so I had no way to really tell. -Oh well, Quatre should be over-happy to see me. Pest, - I thought more-or-less affectionately of Winner. "Well, lead the way. I don't want to get shot approaching." I knew it was highly likely that it would happen, too. We were all raised paranoid as soldiers.

~*~

I nodded quiet, he shouldn't be here, he shouldn't be here, inner conflict as my perfect soldier screamed at me. He's got too close, you're going to need him, and if you need him that's trouble Yuy, you'll make mistakes and wont be able to complete your missions. Missions, mission that's all I should care for. Hell even I shouldn't be here, getting to close to others...I shrugged off the voice in my head and walked slowly to the safe house, not a sound announcing our arrival until I softly tapped on the door a unibang poking out slowly as the door opens, to my luck Trowa opened the door, the stoic pilot nodded slightly, he was a boy of few words, much like myself, we had similarities there "Welcome back Heero." His green eye travelled inquisitively to Yarri "Hello Heero's...friend." He said extending his hand towards him "If you have to call me anything call me Barton, Trowa Barton." The green eye subtly softened as he realized, the harassed worried look in my eyes, anxious that they get on must have told the pilot all he needed to know. I nodded one "Trowa." my greeting unusual warm for me. He nodded again "We're all here, Duo got back some time ago, come in." He backed away from the door to allow us to pass.

~*~

I rake my eyes over the boy with weird hair. "Yarbarah Sadi. Please, call me Yarri." The boy looks all right, calm, friendly but not effervescent like Quatre. I took Trowa's hand and shook once. "YARRI!" -Oh. Shit. - A blonde boy ran up to me and hugged me tightly. "Winner." I shook him off and held him at arms' length. I could see Trowa smiling slightly, visible eye glinting. -Real funny. - "Yarri, what're you doing here? It's so good to see you again? Hi Heero! How have you been, Yarri?" I remembered exactly why I hadn't liked Winner very much. "I'm fine, Winner. I'm here with Heero. " I looked at Heero with a plea in my eye. -Save me from him, give me Ozzies, anything, but get him away from me…-

~*~

A surprised looking Arabian turned to face me his arms still wrapped around Yarri squeezing and glomping to him. My lips curled up contemptibly, if my eyes could have changed colour I'm sure they'd have rivalled Trowa's intense green. "Off Quatre." I almost snarled a gun suddenly appearing in my hand, sometimes I surprised even myself by how quick I was to the draw, "Off koishii omae o korosu" I commanded to the surprised blonde pilot of the Sandrock. If he were surprised it wasn't as surprised as I was at my wording, darling...when did Heero Yuy call ANYONE darling? Quatre's mouth fell open as if in slow motion making a lovely round O shape. If I had moved fast it was nothing to Trowa as he pounced like a cat, one second I was upright the next I was sprawled across the floor my jaw aching from the blow I'd been dealt a blazing green eyes pinpointing me one masked by hair the other clear and dangerous as the muzzle of a gun dominated my field of vision. It was then that Wufei decided to appear on the scene, taking one look he rolled his eyes "Onnas..." he mutter slipping past us all to the kitchen. He stopped to look at Yarri in passing his onyx eyes narrowing "Of all the injustices why must I live with 4...no 5!! Gay men! Where's the warriors honour?! Where's the self control?!" I swear a growl escaped him before the irate Chinese pilot stalked off leaving 4 wide eyes boys in the hall. I grumbled slightly not betraying the large amount of pain I was in from the fresh injuries from the beating and the blow from Trowa, that boy was strong, really strong. I looked at Quatre who had just cottoned on, whoever said that boy was dim?? I shall never know..."So… So Heero's…" he spluttered looking like a headless but excited chicken "GAY!?? Wow imagine that...I always thought you were more of a ladies man but...think of the possibilities!!" At this point Trowa took his eyes from me and eyed his partner warily and worriedly. It gave me enough time to stand, take my revolver and place it back in its holster. I shrugged "Brilliant observation Quatre." I shrugged feigning indifference. Only Trowa said nothing though I had never seen him look so stirred, it was like this had surprised him too but he never showed it. Which left one question...where was Duo?

~*~

I watched the proceedings with interest. The Chinese boy... interesting person. I made a mental note to get to know him better. Quatre- annoying as usual. Trowa- Winner's lover or prospective lover. Heero- called me koishii. Darling. -Ok, he's melting...- I ceased wondering when I heard the other Arabian mention something about possibilities... I snarled. "Mine, Winner, keep your rich hands off him!" Dear gods, was I being protective? Of Heero? Well, he did call me koishii... had to ask him about that. I glared at Quatre and Trowa. Mine. Heero was mine, and I was not going to share. Especially with Quatre. Then something hit me. I had seen 4 pilots so far, and Trowa had said Duo was here. So... where was he? "For the moment let's put the fact that Heero is gay aside. Where is Duo." It was a statement, not a question. I had a baaad feeling about the braided boy…

~*~

Quatre looked at Yarri quizzically then took a step be ceasing his mauling of his fellow L4 colonist to all presents relief. "You know Duo? Last time I saw him he said something then stalked off to his bedroom without even having breakfast." Trowa nodded quietly "strange" he finished for his partner. I looked puzzled at Yarri, had something been said, what was happening and why was all the talk of Duo? "Hn, baka." I mumbled quietly then looked at the other pilots my stomach growling slightly "Food." I commanded pushing fleeting violet eyes, saddened with pain from my minds eye rather worriedly. Where was the braided American anyway? I didn't know...it made me wonder...and Duo not on his food...yes something was odd, very odd indeed. I was sure we'd find out soon though as I crossed the room and set myself down heavily next to the dragon who was munching some toast glaring fiercely at the table cloth almost challenging it to leap up and bite him. Quatre sat down and merrily started to banter to his silent yet better half leaving a space to my side and a space to Wufei's side unoccupied. I slipped a piece of toast only a plate and watched it gravely before biting the corner off a few crumbs flaking off onto the plate. I looked up the hall and stairs towards Duo's room, what was he up to, why wasn't he here. I was so ignorant. He love me, and now when all hope had been raised that I was actually attracted to men that he wasn't the one I was turning to, braided like he yet blonde Yarri seemed to have stopped Duo in his track and now in his room he loaded the gun. He will die. I shall wait until he comes through the door and...Bang...another inane dark chuckle crossed the mentally ailing lips as he examined the bullets. That's for you Yarri..." he kissed the bullet and placed it in his gun slinking down to the living room to await Yarri.

~*~

I stood in the doorway to the kitchen, still rather at odds with the other boys in the house. Heero I was comfortable with, Quatre I was uncomfortable with because of how he acted, but I knew him; however all the others I didn't know and didn't yet trust. Especially Duo. Quatre jabbered on, but when we were all silent, he got up. "I'm going to see what Duo's up to," he proclaimed, and flounced past me out of the room. I heard him walking across the living room... and then BANG! A pained cry cut through the air and I, being the closest to the door, was the first to see Quatre lying on the floor, clutching his stomach. He lay in a puddle of his own blood. "Quatre! What happened!?" I ran to his side and knelt. "Heero! Trowa!" They were already behind me. I moved aside for Trowa to take my place beside his fallen lover. I looked at Heero- his revolver was pointed at a figure in the doorway. Duo stood in tears, pistol held loosely in his hand. I had my own revolver out instantly. "What. Did. You. Do!" I yelled at him. "I didn't mean to, I didn't know it was him... I thought it was YOU!" He yelled back, pointing the gun at me. It was a standoff- three against one. Wufei had been right behind Heero and Trowa and he, too, had a weapon trained on the boy.

~*~

I placed my gun further up aiming it straight for his heart, trained soldier, killer, murderer, my mind told me over and over again as my cold eyes narrows. "Inhuman wretch" I growled softly my eyes slitting further. Duo took a few steps back as I advanced nothing but hatred in my eyes, the Yuy death glare that was trademarked to me being paled into insignificance by the glare that crossed my face now. Wufei glanced to me onyx eyes opening in surprise as a few things slipped into place. He cautiously slipped between Duo and I and held out his hand. "Gun baka." he commanded a shaken pale looking Duo. Behind me a soft gasping let out as Trowa bent closer to Quatre a gentle finger tracing his cheek "little one? I'm here little one..." he mumbled softly a loving look in his eyes, something not before seen in the stoic pilot. Quatre's aquamarine eyes flickered slightly glazed "Trow-a I..I lov.." he stumbled slightly gagging on his own blood before he fell silent. Trowa cradled him closer a howl ripping up his throat in his anguish and piercing the silence in the room. I and Yarri and Wufei turned towards Trowa. Duo took this opportunity to run. He dived at the window shattering it, shards of glass piercing into his skin as he fled a small trail of blood patterning after him.

~*~

"Oh... my gods..." I murmured. I knelt beside Trowa and Quatre. "Trowa, I'm so sorry..." He turned and looked at me, tears in his vibrant green eyes. "Don't be." he said coldly. "Maxwell did this, not you." My hands clenched in tight fists of rage as I nodded. "He did. And when I get my hands on him he will pay for this." I turned and looked at Heero. The anger on his beautiful face said that he felt the same way as I did. "Trowa... do you want to be alone with him for a while?" Wufei asked softly. Trowa nodded and I rose, stepping away from the mourning boy. "Heero..." I said, "I need to speak with you.

~*~

I turned to look at Yarri then rose to my full height. Ignoring him for the meanwhile I leapt through the window eyes blazing as the soft pad of my feet hitting the floor outside befell the room. I was going after him, I was going after him now. I growled silently cursing the thick wood and brambles from impeding my progress following the trail of blood left by his movements. I saw a braid ahead of me and reached out tugging backwards. I caught Duo as he fell and tilted his head back my gun pointing to his throat. I looked deep into his violet eyes rage in my own Prussian orbs "Why, talk." I commanded my usual amount of speech taking time. Duo started sobbing. "I didn't mean to, I really didn't... It was supposed to be that bitch!" He snarled in hatred at the thought of Yarri. "He molested you, he made you hate me! I had to make him pay! I didn't mean to hit Kat, honest I didn't!" He choked on his tears. "Please don't hurt me Heero, I love you! I love you, Hee-chan. I snarled at him "You were trying to kill Yarri?! No HE didn't make me hate you. I didn't hate you...not until now... in fact the opposite until well...it was you that made me hate you...and don't talk to me about love! Trowa loved Quatre...you have no room to speak." my chest heaved at having spoken so much and anger. I snarled and dipped down harshly kissing him wiping his tears before I threw him to his feet and swung round contacting jaw and fist at speed a crack peeling over the quiet forest. "Stupid." I yelled pressing him back into a tree. "Idiot" I slammed down on him my fist hitting his fragile cheekbones with force the tears from his eyes pouring over my knuckles as they dug into flesh. "DIE!" I yelled at the top of my voice the clattering of birds' wings filling the air as I grabbed his throat slamming his skull back into the bark of the tree behind blood matting silken chestnut hair and braid and chunks of wood. "No..." I stopped and held his throat tightly in my hand "no... you'll pay for this." I grabbed his collar and dragged him through the forest half hanging him as I returned to the safe house. I pulled him callously though the door into the room where the pilots stood looking quietly worried as my mouth seemed to froth. I grabbed his braid yanking him to his feet by it then swung my foot at his patella's sending him crashing to a kneel. Again I yanked his braid tilting his head up. "Apologize baka." I spoke with deadly quiet a chilling edge in my voice.

~*~

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Duo babbled. "I didn't mean to, I'm so sorry Trowa..." His purple eyes were glazed and filled with tears. Blood matted his long hair and violent bruises were forming on his cheekbones. Trowa turned stony eyes on the sobbing boy. "Never speak to me again." I nodded at Heero. "Nor me." Wufei added. I stood in front of Duo and grabbed him by his collar. "You killed him, Duo. You killed your friend. You sicken me. You jealous son of a bitch." I pulled him to his feet and dragged him away from Trowa. "I only just met them and I already know you don't deserve them as friends." I slapped him with a resounding smack. Duo cringed and sobbed slightly as my hand hit his bruises. I then pulled him outside again. Without warning I kneed him in the stomach. He cried out in pain. "Oh, so it hurts? You think that hurt nearly as much as it hurt Quatre?" I slapped him again, nails raking across his cheek and leaving raised but not bloody gashes. Wufei stepped outside. He looked approvingly at me then came behind Duo to hold his arms. I took the opportunity to pull back and kick Duo full force where it would hurt the most. We continued that way for a while then changed places- I holding Duo while Wufei took out his rage at losing a friend. Not honourable, but Duo deserved it. Inside, Trowa cradled the body of his lover. Tears leaked out of his eyes and fell onto Quatre's pale cheeks. He was covered in blood, crimson soaking through his clothes and burning into his skin. Trowa sat silently, holding Quatre for the last time as he said goodbye. Finally he spoke. "I love you, Little One..." He pressed a light kiss to the dead boy's lips and placed Quatre on the ground. He slid his love's eyes shut and stood. His customary green turtle neck was saturated with blood, so much it was black with it. Trowa turned to look at Heero. "How... how could he do this." He asked quietly.

~*~

I didn't know what to say, all I knew that it was my fault Quatre was dead, if I hadn't let my mask slip, if I hadn't brought Yarri, if I hadn't become weak and needed him then this wouldn't have happened. I looked into Trowa's eyes green and blue pausing for a second, not a man of great words neither of us, but I was alone...so alone I had no other choice. I walked to him and brushed his tears with a soft gentle motion, I started my voice slightly crackly. Here he was stood, alone his partner dead grieving showing me tears his own stoic mask broken. "Trowa.." I fumbled for words, if only I'd been more eloquent…" Trowa… I'm so sorry...this is all my fault.." my stomach tightened, it was uncomfortable for me. "Duo and I…well we...shared a few nights together… we were...lonely and took comfort in one another... but he left and I left...I didn't think it was anything more than sex… I was so stupid...and he was in love...I wound up at a school and met Yarri...but it was different...and Duo...and he caught Duo kissing me and stormed off...so I went after him...if it hadn't have been...and I wouldn't have...and Duo he loves me...and I love Yarri and he thought Quatre...was...Yarri." I finished brokenly looking into the green eyes trying to gauge a reaction.

~*~

Trowa stared at Heero blankly, then gingerly wrapped his arms around Heero's shoulders and hugged him. "It's not your fault..." he said quietly. "Nobody is to blame but Duo." Trowa sighed and murmured, "I'm happy for you, that you found someone to love..." he swallowed a sob of pain that he had lost the boy he loved. "I'm sorry Duo didn't understand. "That's how Quatre and I... got involved. We were lonely... we're all lonely." Trowa sighed and pulled back. "You should probably stop Yarri and Wufei beating the crap out of Duo. We need him alive and I don't trust myself." He turned away from Heero and knelt beside Quatre again, picking him up. "I'm going to call his sisters." He walked out of the room, the sad bundle in his arms. Trowa glanced back. "Thank you, Heero."