Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ RNDM True Stories ❯ If Being RNDM Is Wrong, I Donwanna Be Right ( Chapter 16 )

Tori: *sitting bug-eyed in front of the television, mechanically munching popcorn* I haven't been this disturbed by a live-action show since Battle Royal…

Awa: …been watching World's Funniest Animals again?

Tori: The hamster… it just kept jumping into the wall…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

At two AM…

Duo & Duet: *huddled under the comforter on the big bed, pointing keychain led flashlights in the corner*

Duo: *whispering* I'm pretty sure it started as a brown crispy M&M…

Duet: *also whispering* They make brown crispy ones?

Duo: I dunno…. It might have just turned that color…

Duet: *gasp* I think it just moved again…

Duo: It's going after the blue one.

Quatre: *flicks the lights on, sleepily* What the hell are you two doing?

Duo: Studying the late-night mating habits of an aged crispy M&M.

Quatre: Ah.

~*~*~*~

Humanities Professor: With this impending war, what are your feelings about a pre-emptive attack? Yes, Mr. Chang.

Wu Fei: Isn't a pre-emptive attack…terrorism?

Professor: Ah- if that's how you see it. But are you suggesting we should sit idly by and wait to be attacked?

Wu Fei: No, not at all. What I'm suggesting is we take out the main power. Saddam Hussein.

Professor: You mean kill him?

Wu Fei: As difficult and delicate as that operation would be, yes.

Professor: You want the US to send an undercover agent in to cap him?

Wu Fei: Why not?

Professor: *mutters under breath* Terrorist…

Duo: *dissolves into fit of giggles*

Professor: Does anyone else want to share their views?

Duo: *raises hand* I would like to-

Professor & Wu Fei: Shut up, Maxwell. *exchange looks, then turn away*

~*~*~*~

Duet: Heh, wanna see something that'll keep you amused for hours?

Heero: …Duet, you showed me the blinky light on the VCR yesterday. It's not that great.

~*~*~*~

On the phone…

Duo: Hey, Tori… You gonna come down and visit us? We got a few birthdays coming up…

Tori: Duo…I can HEAR you grinning.

Duo: Awww… Was it that quaint little 'PING!' that accompanies the sparkle of my smile?

Tori: Okay, buddy… Put DOWN the orbitz gum. I've seen that commercial.

~*~*~*~

Duo & Heero: *walking slowly down the sidewalk*

Heero: -but Professor Ramsey explained-

Duo: *suddenly disappears from Heero's view with a muted crash*

Heero: *stops* Duo?

Duo: *grumbling* Who puts a fucking mailbox sticking the fuck out in the middle of the fucking sidewalk? *stands up, dusts himself off, and keeps walking*

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *sitting at the bar, drinking*

Duo: *walks up and sits next to him* Wow, you do look old enough to be drinking in here… Lucky bastard.

Trowa: …it's milk…

Duo: Oh…

~*~*~*~

Duet: *sitting at the bar, sipping a margarita* You know what's funny?

Heero: What?

Duet: I've had two margaritas and a vodka tonight… Didn't pay, wasn't carded…Just sittin' here, drinking underage for free…

Heero: How'd you pull that off?

Duet: See those guys over there? If you wink at one and smile, he'll send you something.

Heero: … … …drunk yet?

Duet: …nope.

~*~*~*~

Heero: *watching 'Ask A Gay Dude with Mario Cantrone'* …why would we want to ask that guy when we can ask a gay dude of our own?

Quatre: *returns from the kitchenette a few seconds later, oblivious*

Duo: Hey, Quatre…what's your opinion on the war with Iraq?

Quatre: I'll support whatever the nation decides.

Duo: Really? So if you got drafted, you can hang out with all those hot Marines, right?

Quatre: *blushes bright red* Uh-

Heero: *makes little camera square with his fingers* This has been another episode of 'Ask A Gay Dude' with Quatre Winner!

~*~*~*~

Duo: *singing* So here I am, doin' everything I can, holdin' on to what I am… Pretending I'm a superman-

Heero: Who sings that song?

Duo: Goldfinger.

Heero: Alright. Let's keep it that way.

Trowa: Heh, ouch…

~*~*~*~

Trowa: I…am so bored…

Duet: You guys wanna go cosplay randomly at the mall!?

Duo: Alright! Can we do Gravitation? I'll wear my Hiroyuki costume!

Trowa: Or, you know… We could just…be ourselves.

Heero: *ponders* OR we could be ourselves being other people!

Trowa: You just want to wear that little off-the-shoulder OAV number…

Heero: …I was thinking more along the lines of that sailor fuku. *grins*

Trowa: … Since when did you become the resident pervert?

Duo: HEY! HEYHEYHEY! MY JOB!

~*~*~*~

Duet: Hey, I found a pair of my old shants! Must've packed 'em on a whim and forgot 'em.

Kim: …shants?

Fei: You don't know what shants are?

Kim: Nope.

Duo, Duet & Fei: They're not quite shorts! Not quite pants! They're SHANTS!

Kim: o__O

~*~*~*~

Heero: Aren't you hungry?

Duet: No, actually… I just filled up on the ink from the piece of double-sided tape backing that I found on the desk and for some reason put in my mouth.

Heero: *raises eyebrow* Whatever floats your boat, you weirdo.

~*~*~*~

Quatre: Tori! Wanna learn "La Cucaracha"!?

Tori: o___o The cockroach? …okay.

Quatre: Okay. Do like this. *stands straight* Stay on the balls of your feet, and cross right over left, then shift to your front foot and lift your back foot.

Tori: o___o *following along slowly*

Quatre: Alright. Now, bring your right foot back to where it was when we started. Then bring your left foot in front of your right one, lift your back foot, then put it down and bring your left foot back.

Tori: o___o *blink blink* This… is the coolest dance… ever.

Quatre: I KNOW!

((A/N: Yeah… *laughs* Quatre and I definitely spent half an hour dancing "La Cucaracha" in their dorm's common room. Never a boring moment…))

~*~*~*~

Duo: …

Duet: …

Duo: …I feel old…

Quatre: *snicker*

Duet: …respect your elders, Winner..

~*~*~*~

Duo: Wow… 19… Half-way to 38…-__- So ooooold…

Trowa: …

Duo: The greatest years of our life are GONE! Our teenage years are nearly over… Middle school… high school… All our days as international sex symbols…

Trowa: *raises an eyebrow*

Duo: Heh, yeah, you're right, Tro. We'll always be international sex symbols.

Trowa: ///_-*

~*~*~*~

Heero: Sooo… Tori… *resting his chin on one hand and drumming fingers on table*

Tori: Yeah?

Heero: …shizzle that, McFly?

Tori: … STOP MAKING FUN OF ME!

Heero: I ain't making fun of you. Those were just some dynamic English phrases there. *grins* I ain't gonna frag your ass over it.

Tori: -___-* I figured at least YOU GUYS would appreciate the joke.

Heero: *snort* Really… They shouldn't let you translate these anymore…

~*~*~*~

Duo: Have you seen the thing?

Heero: The thing? You mean the thing in the place?

Duo: yeah, you know… The thing, in the place near that other thing.

Duet: It's on the shelf above the desk.

Both: *blink blink* o__o *slowly turn to look at the shelf* O__O

Duo: THERE IT IS! *grabs the box cutter*

Duet: *smirks*

~*~*~*~

Duo: So, yeah, I managed to get it done. … … *looks at Tori* Heh, shizzle THAT fable, Aesop.

Tori: STOP! STOP IT! *holds head* I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!

Duo: *laughing* Damn hippies…

~*~*~*~

Duet: *singing cutely* Tarzan is handsome, Tarzan is strong, he's really cute and his hair is long… ^__^ *giggles*

Trowa: *rolls eyes* Oi yoi yoi… How old are you?

Duet: *deadpan* Nineteen.

Trowa: O.o SORRY! SORRY! Just BACK OFF!

~*~*~*~

Duo: WHAT is this thingy? *holds up tangled mass of black belts*

Heero: Obscene bondage lingerie…

Duo: o___o Whoever bought this for her…is a fricken genius.

Heero: Yeah, I know I am.

Duo: O__O WHAT WERE YOU DOING BUYING MY FIANCÉ LINGERIE!?

Heero: I figured it'd be some you'd both enjoy. A gift that keeps on giving…

Duo: *sniff* I love you, man… *hugs Heero*

~*~*~*~

Duo: Heh, remember when Pokémon used to have a plot?

Heero: Yeah… Those were the good old days… Meaningful battle… Airtight plots…

Duo: Fleshed-out characters… Only 151 Pokémon…

Both: *rueful sighs*

Duo: Heh, remember when DragonballZ used to have a plot?

Heero: No.

Duo: *thinks for a moment* Me neither…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* ~

Tori: Alone, alone in the Gundam Wing house… ^__^ *shivers with pleasure* Inspiration, it's everywhere… *pops in Zip disk and begins to work* Ahhh, sabbaticals… No college for long, long time!

Ke: Ladies and gentleman… Tori Yuki Ichimura is BACK and READY FOR ACTION! *gestures to Tori*

Tori: -___- …ZzZzZzZzZzZzZz…