Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ RNDM True Stories ❯ Random, Enjoy Responsibly ( Chapter 20 )

Tori: ^___^ Relena's coming to stay with the guys for the summer! That means she's coming to Komiket!!! ^___________^ FUN SUMMER!!!

Awa: *typing on a calculator* Trowa, Wu Fei, Kim, Quatre, Evan, Heero, Duo, Duet, Relena, you…

Kegawa: That's gotta be, like, a fire hazard or something.

Tori: Hehehe… This is gonna be some tricky room arranging…

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Tori: Woah woah woah… Hold up. You told them I got kidnapped!?

Duo: ¬___¬ Um… no…

Tori: *incredulous* YOU BIG IDIOT! *whack* IT WAS A JOKE! *whack* WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!? *whack* HAVEN'T YOU MESSED WITH THEM ENOUGH!? *whack* THOSE POOR PEOPLE! *whack*

Duo: >__O You finished?

Tori: I dunno. You got any common sense yet, ya moron!?

Duo: *sigh* Continue…

~*~*~*~

Duet: *gasp* YAMI NO MATSUEI! … DIBS ON HISOKA!!!!

Duo: o___o You've…replaced me? Again?

Duet: *crosses arms and sticks tongue out* Sorry, Duo Maxwell, but I've found a NEW Shinigami. I mean, happy-go-lucky fluffy shiny Shinigami with loads of inner turmoil were SO last month. This month it's all about stick-up-ass attitude and overall hotness.

Trowa: Ah… So that's why you didn't pick Tsuzuki.

Duo: I-I want to cry, but the tears just won't come…

~*~*~*~

Duo: *hanging upside down off the top bunk* So, Quatre… Evan fuck you yet?

Quatre: *turns pink*

Door down the hall: *SLAM*

Duo: *yells* SAVE THE PIECES, TROWA!

~*~*~*~

Wu Fei: *sitting one the railing above the stairs, reading*

Chris: Dude, how do you do that?

Wu Fei: AH! *grabs the front of Chris's shirt to keep from falling off*

Chris: Totally killed it. The coolness is gone, man. Just killed it…

~*~*~*~

Heero: *comes tearing down the hallway, ducks into Duo's room, slams the door shut and leans against it*

Duo: *looks up from laptop* O__o* What's goin' on? Are we under attack?

Heero: o__o I may or may not have just impregnated your fiancé.

Duo: Oh. *shrugs* Well that's as close as we're ever gonna get to little Heero-Duo babies because I'm in no rush to lose my girlish figure.

Heero: Cha. You laugh. She's out there with a kitchen knife.

Duo: *nonchalantly turns page* I told you not to get the cheap kind.

~*~*~*~

Duet: *watching Yami no Matsuei* O__O T-T-THAT'S SEKI TOSHIHIKO! WATARI IS SEKI!!!

Duo: Ugh… THAT weirdo. *laughs* Put it on English.

Duet: *switches to English* O__O NOW IT'S ERIC STUART!

Duo: OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHUT IT OFF!

Duet: Ew ew ew!!! Liam O'Briiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaan!? WHY DO YOU SUCK IN THIS!? YOU'RE KILLING MY HISOKA!

Duo: O__o Du, stop…knowing things.

~*~*~*~

Duo: *hands Heero his car keys* You look nice… Where ya goin', hot stuff?

Heero: The mall with Tori, Kim and Wu Fei.

Duo: *opens his wallet and give Heero a $20* Here…. If you see any new manga. Get me some Tomie or something.

Heero: *stuffs it in his pocket* And if they don't have Tomie?

Duo: Eh, the usual… Chobits, Paradise Kiss…some lip gloss.

Heero: WHAT is your fascination with lip gloss?? I'll buy you a fricken porno or something… *shakes head* Lip gloss…

~*~*~*~

Duet: *on the phone with a friend* Fencing isn't weird! Your college has a surfing team!

Steve: Well, we're in California! We surf all the time. How often do you need a sword in North Carolina?

Duet: Um….

~*~*~*~

Wu Fei: What are you talking about? LiLi Sobieski is SO much hotter than Jewel…

Kim: Well, I'm SORRY I don't have a PENIS!

Duet: He's right you know… Li Li's a sexy bitch…Especially in The Glass House.

Kim: *looks at Duet funny*

Duet: o__o* Er… I mean, WOAH! Check those sexy man-boobs on John Basedow! I think I'll buy these tapes! *starts dialing cell phone*

Kim: *yells* DUO! YOUR GIRLFRIEND'S BEING A LESBIAN AGAIN!

Duo: *yells back from down the hall* AWESOME!!!

Duet: *twitch twitch*

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *playing guitar*

Heero: *singing* Snow is falling from the sky - in the middle of July - Sun was shining in my eyes again last night… alarm goes off without a sound - the silence is so loud - something isn't right… Footsteps echo down the hall - no one's there at all - dial your number but the voice says "I'm not home"

Quatre: *opens door, rubbing his eyes* First of all, it's 12:30 at night. Second of all, *looks up* …where are your pants?

Trowa: Um…

Heero: Hey, if Brittany Spears can sing in her underwear, so can we.

Quatre: *shakes head* Where did they go wrong with you, Heero? *shuts door*

~*~*~*~

Quatre: *hangs up the phone* Relena's coming to stay with us for the summer. I told her she could stay at the house with Tori until we all get home.

Duo: ARE YOU NUTS!? We're gonna come home and find Tori in minimal leather chained to a bedpost being force-fed strawberries and whip cream by Relena in a red leather suit!

Quatre: And…you don't want that?

Duo: Well I'm just saying… yanno… I wanna be there to see it.

Quatre: Of course… You're a good friend, Duo.

Duo: Just watching out for my girl, Tori.

~*~*~*~

Heero: Okay, new name for the band! We call it… The Boxer Rebellion.

Wu Fei: Our kink is we perform in our underwear.

Heero: So…?

Duo, Duet & Quatre: *blink blink*

Quatre: So this is what goes on in your dorm room…

Duet: COOL BEANS! Do I get to do it just in boxers too, or are you gonna make me put a shirt on?

Heero: I love this girl! *hugs Duet*

~*~*~*~

Duo: *sitting on the couch next to some girl at a party*

Girl: *smoking…yanno* Hey! Aren't you that cartoon character?

Duo: *looks up* Huh? Yeah.

Girl: Woah! So, like, where's that dog?

Duo: …what dog? Heero?

Girl: The one that's always like "Rooby-roobie-roooo!"!? *making funny hand motions*

Duo: o___o *grabs the girl's joint and takes a hit* He's in the van…

~*~*~*~

Mike: *watching Gundam Wing with Heero and Trowa* Hey, how come you don't have any black pilots?

Heero: *arches an eyebrow and shrugs*

Mike: Well, if you ever need one, you know where to find me. Get myself one of those ass-kicking machines and mess with their fuckin' heads… *making driving motions* And chicks dig 'em, right? Mine'd be like Pimp Gundam Triple X…

Trowa: *looks at Heero* Why is he our friend?

Heero: I ask myself that every day…

~*~*~*~

Quatre: *watching Duo from around the doorframe, taping him* Our first year of college is nearly over and to celebrate, Duo has his heart set on burning down the dorm apparently…

Duo: *opens the oven and starts yelling* GOD DAMN FUCKING COOKIES THAT DON'T FUCKING LOOK LIKE FUCKING COOKIES! FUCK YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

Quatre: *steps into the kitchen and zooms in on the empty package of pre-cut cookie dough* This scene really doesn't require any narration…

Duo: *whirls around* GET THE HELL OUT OF MY KITCHEN, QUATRE, OR I will CLOBBER you with a fucking cookie. *holds up blacked cookie* … *twitch twitch*

~*~*~*~

Duo: *wasting time before calculus* Both teachers, huh? So how'd you propose to your wife?

Mr. R: Well, before she had her class, I went in to her room and wrote on the board "Will you marry me?" and pulled the screen down over it-

Duo: Really??

Mr. R: No.

~*~*~*~

Quatre: I was going over all my math notes from high school and it occurred to me that we spent all of freshman year listening to stories about our teacher's daughters, trying to get him to fight the bio teacher, and debating the surface area and volume of golf balls…

Duet: Don't forget the squirrel in the air conditioner and how to rig baseball bats.

Quatre: *looks up and narrows eyes* Where did we get our educations again?

Duet: Standard Deviants educational videos.

Quatre: Oh yeah…

~*~*~*~

Duet: hanging upside down off the top bunk* Heerooooo… would you be my friend if I looked like this? *mooshes face*

Heero: Yes…

Duet: What if I looked like this? *mooshes face again*

Heero: …yes, Duet…

Duet: What if I was really a man?

Heero: …yes, Duet…

Duet: Heero, I have something to tell you.

Heero: -___-*

~*~*~*~

Wu Fei: *at a stop light, riding in the passenger seat of the convertible when 'Complicated' by Avril Lavigne comes on the radio* YES! *turns it up all the way and starts singing along*

Heero: *shields his face with one hand and puts the roof up*

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Tori: *points at TV* There's a naked cowboy in Times Square?

Kegawa: You just noticed?

Tori: …guys… I think I've discovered my calling in life. o__o