Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ RNDM True Stories ❯ Here Is Random ( Chapter 35 )

Yoruyuki: *has taken over Tori's laptop space with his own*

Tori: *walks out of the shower in just a towel*

Yoruyuki: *in Japanese* Tori, you're indecent and there are men around. Get some clothes on.

Tori: WHY ARE YOU HERE!? GO HOME!

Trowa: *leaning in the doorway to the kitchen* Yeah… You're the least desirable Japanese house crasher we've had since your sister.

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Heero: *walking in the mall, minding his own business*

A Bunch Of Voices: I BUILT THIS BEAR WITH LOVE AND STUFFING!

Heero: O.O *whips around, trying to find where the yells came from*

~*~*~*~

Tori: *after ten minutes on phone with mom* Mom, I really called to tell you that I'm pregnant.

Mom: It's a miracle!

Tori: o.o *was not expecting that reaction*

Mom: You're carrying the baby Jesus! Conceived without the touch of a man!

Tori: *holds face in hand, rests forehead against the wall* Mother, we've been over this… I'm not a virgin!

Mom: *gasps like she does every time we have this conversation* Wait until your father hears about this!

Tori: *rolls eyes and bangs head on wall* Dad's been dead for years, mother. … … …are you high?

Mom: *long pause* …no. *hangs up*

Tori: *whirls on Duo, who was just walking by minding his own business* WHY IS THIS MY FAMILY!?

Duo: O.O AHHH! *jumps and throws his Pringles at Tori*

~*~*~*~

Duo: *using the paper cutter in Art to cut up his substantial collection of Newtype postcards*

Trowa: You're not paid to abuse the paper cutter.

Duo: Hey! You wanna make an omelet, you gotta break some eggs.

Dan: Fight Club!

Duo: No. This Is Otakudom.

Trowa: *punches Duo in the shoulder* This Is Otakudom rule number one: Don't talk about This Is Otakudom.

~*~*~*~

Duet: *cell phone goes off* o.o *checks the text message*

Lyra: I AM THE BLACK PANT SAMURAI!

Duet: *txts back* I AM THE PIRATE NINJA! LET US BATTLE!

Lyra: *whips out giant sword* DIE PIRATE NINJA!

Duet: *draws two katana* YOU FIRST!

Lyra: Aha! But I now your weakness! *pulls out a handful of puppy chow* COME AN' GET IT!!

Duet: *drops to knees* Puppy…chow… 0.0

Lyra: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I HAVE WON, PIRATE NINJA!!

Heero: *walks over and starts reading over Duet's shoulder after her phone goes off for the fifth time* What the… What the hell are you doing?

Duet: Talking to Lyra! ^__^ I haven't heard from her in forever.

Heero: Right… Who else would text-message ninja-battle you?

Duet: o.o *shrugs and txts Lyra back*

Duet:*spin kicks you in the shins and grabs the bag as you fall* That's what you think, Love!

Lyra: NOOOO! *whips out gun and shoots you in the back* Ha! *grabs bag* I'll be taking that!

Duet: *grabs you ankle and pulls you down, then puts blade to the back of your neck* You are mistaken.

Lyra: *shoots you in the heart, then runs away while showing all the puppy chow in mouth* Haha! I ate it all!

Duet: *taps chain mail vest and holds up the REAL bag of puppy chow* That was real dog food, Samurai.

Lyra: Shit… All well. I can always make more… *hops in Deathscythe and flies into outer space*

Duet: *watches you go, munching the real puppy chow* See you later, Space Cowboy.

Ten minutes later…

Lyra: *attacks suddenly without warning and chops off your hair* Take that!

Duet: 0.0 *dies*

~*~*~*~

All: *watching Cat Soup in complete silence*

Quatre: *out of nowhere* I need drugs.

~*~*~*~

Duet: *puts down Confidential Confessions 3 and swipes at her eyes*

Quatre: Du, are you crying?

Duet: No… *sniffles* … I HATE THESE DAMN MANGA!

Duo: Then why do you read them!?

Duet: o.o Because I'm too lazy to write an autobiography…

~*~*~*~

Duo & Duet: *watching Gothika in the theater, eating cranberry sauce out of its can with two plastic spoons*

Wu Fei: *at the end of the movie, walking past the place where the two had sat, spies the mostly empty cranberry sauce can* WHAT is this!? Who the fuck eats CRANBERRY SAUCE at the movies!?

Duet: Jealous?

~*~*~*~

Kim: *driving home from the movies* That… was the most scared I've ever been in the theater since The Ring.

Tori: Yeah. I think at one point I was actually in Heero's seat.

Wu Fei: Okay, who's the little girl that kept screaming?

Duo: *sheepishly raises his hand*

All: -___-*

Duo: … WHAT!? Were you watching the same movie I was!?

~*~*~*~

Quatre: So Duet… What would you like for Christmas?

Duet: *shrugs* World domination… A third-world country… A small Asian boy… Nothing major.

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *in Build-A-Bear with Tori as moral support looking at the bears* …O.o *pokes Tori*

Tori: What?

Trowa: *points at the stuffed pig dressed in the bar Mitzvah outfit, looking completely baffled*

Tori: o.O Well that can't be right…

Trowa: That's not Kosher…

~*~*~*~

Duet: *speeding to get back to the apartment*

Cop: *turns on his lights and flags her down*

Duet: o.o Fuck. *looks around the car* Ah! *grabs a bottle of Propel and dumps it in her lap, then opens the window for the cop*

Cop: License and registration.

Duet: *hands it to him*

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Duet: I was speeding… I really have to find a bathroom. *covers mouth and looks at him pitifully*

Cop: o.o *hands her license and registration back* You can go. Just don't let it happen again, miss. *walks back to his car*

Duet: *rolls the window back up* SUCKAH!!!!

~*~*~*~

Yoruyuki: Oh yeah… I stopped at Ryo's and he said you left these over his house. *holds out some Nintendo games and Karaoke Revolution*

Duet: GUYS! KARAOKE REVOLUTION! *grabs it and waves it around*

Wu Fei, Kim, and Quatre: *from three different rooms* FUCK!

~*~*~*~

Amy: *walks into the kitchen yawning and sits down at the table*

Heero: *making himself cereal* G'mornin'. You hungry? I'll make you some cereal.

Amy: Sure… What kind?

Heero: *opens the cupboard* Ummm… We have your Queer Rocks… your Lezbo Hoops… Special KY… Asian Poppers…

Amy: O.o

~*~*~*~

Quatre: Duo! What happened to your neck?

Duo: o.o *covers neck with hand* You think this is bad? You should see the other guy.

Duet: *walks out of the bathroom holding her neck* MAXWELL!

Duo: *winks at Quatre and grins* Fastest Hickey In The West.

Quatre: *walks over to Duet and pulls her hand away* What'd you do!? Strangle her!?

~*~*~*~

Duet: *bites Duo's arm and sucks, trying to leave a mark*

Duo: Ah! *tries to pull arm away* You leech!

~*~*~*~

Quatre: The only two Trading Spaces people I'd let in our room are Vern and Ty.

Wu Fei: Yes, but the real question is… Would you let them out?

~*~*~*~

Duet: *putting her name on her homework to hand in, writes: Duet "The Souper Geinus" Maxwell*

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Duet: *answers the phone at work* Thank you for calling Waldenbooks where Preferred Readers save ten percent every day! Duet speaking. How can I help you?

Tori: Duet, it's me. You weren't answering your cell. I just wanted to know if you and Duo wanted to come out to dinner tonight with Heero and I.

Duet: Would you like a Preferred Reader card? It's only twelve dollars and you save ten percent on every purchase. Plus you get a five-dollar gift certificate for signing on and another five dollars every time you spend one hundred dollars.

Tori: …stop pimping out your damn preferred readers cards and talk to me.

Duet: We're having a twenty percent off sale today on all new hard-covers. Preferred readers save an additional ten-percent!

Tori: Forget this… *hangs up*