Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ RNDM True Stories ❯ Muchacho John's Popcorn Shrimp RNDM ( Chapter 36 )

Tori: Quatre wins the award for Most Random Statement Ever in the twelfth chapter of Letters To The Gundam Pilots. Really… How do you pull a sentence like 'Muchacho John's Popcorn Shrimp' out of nowhere?

Quatre: Actually… My train of thought's pretty easy to trace.

Tori: No! You'll ruin the randomness! True randomness comes out of nowhere! It is not inspired by any recent thought or sight! It flows from within, shaping itself, springing fully-formed into the middle of conversations or.. or… I ran out of wordy sentences.

Quatre: Deuce, Tori… That's so depressing, but it's true. Nothing is ever truly imagined; there's only inspiration, no matter how remote or unconscious that inspiration is. Imagination is something only Alla-er, God, possesses. *shakes fist*

Tori: o.o Dude, Quatre, relax… I was just talking nonsense.

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Duo: *whispering to Duet during Psychology* I dare you to yell 'uterus' as loud as you can.

Duet: What!? No!

Duo: C'mon! All the cool kids are doing it.

~*~*~*~

Quatre: *lying on the couch, half asleep*

Heero: *jumps on top of him and pins his arms back* BIRTHDAY HICKIES! *goes for the neck*

Quatre: FUCKIN' A, HEERO! *struggling to get free* … Oh, whatever… *stops struggling an goes back to flicking through the channels, totally ignoring Heero while leaves his mark*

~*~*~*~

Wu Fei: *cell phone vibrates in the middle of biology lecture* Who the hell…? *reads txt message*

Txt Message: If nazis were a nickel a dozen, I could have three dozen nazis. From: Duet Cell

Wu Fei: O.o *bursts out laughing*

People: o.O****

Wu Fei: *writes back* What the eff!? Haha I love you, Du.

~*~*~*~

Evan: *leaning in to kiss Quatre*

Pocky: MEROW! *runs up to him*

Evan: Eep!

Quatre: -___-* Pocky… I don't belong to you.

Pocky: *sits down, growls, and licks his paw, all the while watching Evan*

Evan: Wow… You even turned the cat gay.

Quatre: Well, you know… No one can resist this.

~*~*~*~

Duo: *bouncing around with his huge paycheck* YESSS! Money! Happiness! Joy!

Quatre: *smiles* Duo, you can't buy happiness.

Duo: *stops and looks at Quatre* Yeah, but you can buy anime and that's pretty much the same thing.

~*~*~*~

Duet: *changing the name of one of the buttons on the register keyboard*

Trowa: *leans over and reads* Kill Customer… Press Here… Mini Bar…Asian Strippers… Free Chicken… Room Service… Um… Why does your register have a Self-Destruct button?

Duet: o.o The only one I made was 'Pirate Hats For All'.

~*~*~*~

Amy: *laughing* Heero, you have a HUGE ego!

Heero: What are you talking about? I'm terrible at making decisions.

Both: *arch eyebrows at each other*

Amy: Our vocabularies are on…two different levels, aren't they?

~*~*~*~

Duo: *sees a parking meter* What!? EXPIRED!? *hugs parking meter* He was too young to die! *sobs*

Trowa: Duo, people are staring.

~*~*~*~

Quatre: *out in the snow with the video camera* Whoo! I can't feel my hands or feet! They don't call these extremities for nothin'. *makes a little 'X' with his fingers* This cold is xtreme….

Wu Fei: The word is exTREMities, Q, not 'xTREMEities'

Quatre: *narrows eyes at Wu Fei* Eat snow and freeze, Wu Fei.

~*~*~*~

Duo: *driving the big white van with Duet and Trowa as passengers; pulls up next to an old lady at a stop light* Look, guys! She wants to race! *puts the car in neutral and revs the engine*

Lady: … *drives off as the light changes*

Duo: *tries to race her but forgets he has the car in neutral* NO!!! She's raping us!

~*~*~*~

Duo: *on the phone talking to his lolita*

Heero: *yelling* Duo! Stop hitting on little girls! She has a boyfriend! That's statutory rape! Statutory rape, boy! She's only a little Catholic schoolgirl! Does the uniform turn you on!? You like the short skirts and the loose socks, don't you!?

Duo: *whips around* WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?

Heero: Oooo so many things… *maniacal grin*

Duo: You wonder why I have fucking mental problems! *flips Heero off*

Heero: We smoke while shooting the bird.

Duo: *clenches fists in anger*

Heero: You're a dirty white boy! Now get me a beer and a woman!

Duo: *yelling and half-covering the phone* I'm so angry at you I don't know what the hell's going on!

~*~*~*~

All: *sitting in the basement drinking (sans Quatre) after an AquaTeens marathon a few hours ago*

Quatre: Duo, no more alcohol. You're drunk as it is.

Duo: You can't just decide when I'm drunk! That is a decision for myself and God!

Quatre: *blink blink*

Duo: *starts laughing like a lunatic*

~*~*~*~

Wu Fei, Duet & Duo: *standing in the hallway at their friend's high school*

Wu Fei: *amazed* Wow… Her locker really is held shut with duct tape.

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *out in the back yard with Heero cleaning off everyone's guns, both real and props* I wonder what would happen if the cops ever found out about all these… *admires Heero's Colt*

Heero: That's why we put the orange tips on and keep them with the props. This way the cops'll assume all our guns are props.

Trowa: But what if the one they inspect is real and they assume all our weapons are real?

Heero: Then we'll say they're airsoft guns.

Trowa: Those are illegal in New Jersey.

Heero: …oh. Well… … How much trouble could we get in for a few handguns and rifles?

Trowa: *looks out across the blue tarp at the group's collection* A few?

Heero: …maybe we should move farther south.

~*~*~*~

Duet: *curled up in Duo's arms, just barely awake*

Duo: *strokes her cheek* You're so beautiful…

Duet: I know you are, but what am I?

Duo: Sexy.

Duet: I know you are, but what am I?

Duo: A girl.

Duet: I know you are, but what am I?

~*~*~*~

Duo: *walks into an American Eagle store with Trowa* Whoo… Is it white in here or is it just us?

~*~*~*~

Duo: >_O It hurts when you don't finish the job…

Duet: I'll make it soft! *starts whacking him right above the crotch* Boys! Boys! Boys! Boys! Boys! *look of devilish glee*

Both: *fall over in a fit of laughter*

Duo: WHAT the hell was that!?

~*~*~*~

Quatre: *wearing bright red one-piece pajamas with the butt flap and everything* These… are the coolest PJs I've ever owned.

Heero: I will pay you twenty dollars to go sit in the break room in those and act like nothing's wrong.

Quatre: Deal! *runs off*

Trowa: *shaking his head, scoots over and pats the seat between him and Wu Fei* Heero, my comrade… Come here and learn a valuable lesson in bargaining from the Chinese guy and the Jew.

~*~*~*~

Heero: Hey Du?

Duet: Yeah?

Heero: We're always gonna be best friends forever, right?

Duet: *blink blink* Of course. *hugs his arm*

Heero: Good…. 'Cause you're my wonder wall. *smiles and rests his hand on hers*

~*~*~*~

Duo: *trying to teach Wu Fei how to keep proper distance in sabre, retreating and putting his head down again and again for Wu Fei to cut* C'mon! Keep up! Watch your feet! Be more aggressive! Damnit, Wu Fei, cut! *stops and whacks Wu Fei upside the mask with his blade* Fuck, Chang! You're getting too close. You get too close and I'll cut you with this! *whacks him again* Now, c'mon! This is sabre! You wanna kill me! Cut me!

Both: *repeat the drill*

Duo: Fuckin' KILL me, Fei!

Wu Fei: You can't kill anything with a sabre! *gets too close to Duo*

Duo: *whacks Wu Fei in the hand and he starts bleeding* Shut up and let's go! Kill me, Chang!

Wu Fei: *shakes out his hand* Oh, I'll kill you alright! *throws down his blade and runs at Duo*

Duo: *puts out a point in line and Wu Fei basically impales himself on it* You're getting…too close. *grins*

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *playing electric guitar and singing* Lonely in this white room, there are pads everywhere… Chafing straight jacket, I won't die in there… Save me, smiling Jesus, get off that cross- wait. *stops* Goddamnit, I'm Jewish,

Amy: Shut up and keep singing! It sounds awesome!

Trowa: But I can't let Duo think he's won!

~*~*~*~

Quatre: Duet, what are you doing with all those window decal letters?

Duet: *cutting out decal letters and arranging them on the desk* I'm gonna put the entire first passage of Dante's descent into hell on the back window of my SUV!

Quatre: *closes his eyes and thinks for a minute, then sighs and opens them* Before I question you further…is there ANY logic whatsoever behind this?

Duet: Kids today aren't exposed to enough good literature. I figured The Divine Comedy would get anyone reading.

Quatre: …you're just gonna make kids think they've been cut off by Lucifer on the I-95…

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Tori: I'm late! I'm late! *looks around expectantly*

Kegawa: *arches a furry eyebrow at Tori* Yes…and…?

Tori: Bitch! Where's my hot Playboy bunny on a skateboard?

Kegawa: *closes eyes and shakes head* Tori, Tori, Tori… CLEARLY you have to be dressed in a sailor fuku for that to work!

Tori: *slaps forehead* Why didn't I think of that?