Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ RNDM True Stories ❯ Should be #21 ( Chapter 37 )

Tori: *singing along with MP3 player* Good Lord, show me the way… Oh, sinners, let's go down, let's go down, c'mon down… Oh sinners let's down, down in the river to pray…

Awa & Ke: O__O `(o-o)'

Kegawa: What in name of Christ, playing cards, and small iron-cast frogs are you singing?

Tori: *crosses arms* Religious songs…

Awa & Ke: *continue to stare in confusion*

Tori: O__o What? *spins on chair to face computer again* The King of Glory comes, the nation rejoices… Open the gates before him, lift up your voices! Who is the King of Glory? How shall we call him? He is Emmanuel, the promised of ages…

Ke: *whispers* Get me Jerry Fowell and a McDonald's happy meal toy for children four and younger. We need to drive her insane again.

Awa: *nod nod*

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Quatre: *flipping through channels*

Duo: Hey! That was Trading Spaces! Why didn't you stop?

Quatre: *menacingly*…no one likes Amy Winn.

~*~*~*~

Duo: They're giving us $2,500 each to buy her dress and my suit…which is stupid. How am I supposed to blow $2,500 on a suit?

Trowa: You forget how well they know us, Duo. That's $2,500 for the gas, food and shiny objects in your path that you'll purchase on your quest for a suit.

Duo: Ah… now I know whose pocket this cash came out of.

((A/N: *laugh my ass off* Well, I guess they owe you guys SOMETHING after all that…))

~*~*~*~

Duet: Duo, I was being haunted by a SALAD. I, like, couldn't focus until I finished it…

Duo: Well, what happened to it?

Duet: ^__^ *holds up empty plastic container* I exorcised it!

Duo: Fantastic.

~*~*~*~

Duo: Hi, folks! Are you a failure at life? Can't you do anything right? Well, this is your lucky day! Recent research shows that you're not achieving your goals not because you're bad at life…but because you're setting your standards too high! Take Jimmy here! *gestures to Jim*

Jim: *studying in the lobby common room, minding his own business*

Duo: He hasn't gotten a single A since he entered this college in 1999… But instead of beating himself up over mediocre grades… he rewards himself daily for not dying! Isn't that right, Jimmy?

Jim: *looks up* Why are you talking to me?

Duo: I'm enjoying myself at your expense. ^__^

Jim: Good for you, Duo.

~*~*~*~

Duo: Nope, that's definitely a girl. Very much a girl. Yup… You could lose a set of keys in that.

Duet: Woah! You really could…! Hmmm… *takes keys out of pocket and dangled them out window over girl*

Duo: Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

Girl: *puts helmet on and gets back on the back of the motorcycle*

Both: Awwwwwwwwww… -___-

((Duo: Oops… Sorry Jess. Didn't know you at the time. o__o))

~*~*~*~

Heero: *for no reason, tackles Trowa off the bed and pins him on the floor*

Trowa: *glares* Fuck your life, Heero Yuy.

Heero: *grins*

~*~*~*~

Eric: *puts arm around Duet's shoulder* My pants are calling you.

Duet: Hold please, while I put you through to my boyfriend.

Eric: o__o Oh look… Dropped call. *gets up and walks away*

Duet: …that was so wrong, Eric. *laughs*

~*~*~*~

Jessica: Hi, my name's Jessica. *holds hand out to shake with Duo*

Duo: *narrows eyes and points* You're not Quatre…

Jessica: O__o*

~*~*~*~

Phone: *rings*

Tori: O__O *stares at it*

Phone: *keeps ringing*

Tori: *hesitantly picks it up* Hello?

Guy on other end: Hi! My name's Rob… I'm from your local cable provider!

Tori: Uhhhh…

Rob: Do you have a few minutes to take a short survey?

Tori: …this is an unlisted 14-digit number and the line is screened. How the hell did you get it?

Rob: *pause* Do you have a few minutes to take a short survey?

Tori: YOU'RE THE DEVIL! *slams down the receiver and stares at it*

((A/N: Sorry, I know I'm not one of the pilots, but I am at their house, and when someone calls their home phone…everyone must know. *laughs* Sorry you had to hear this story ten times already, Duo, but it was scary.))

~*~*~*~

Heero, Duet, Duo, Wu Fei, Kim & Trowa: *watching One Hour Photo*

Little Kid In Movie: It's Evanjellyon…

Heero: Evangelion? O__o What the fuck?

Later in film…

Eva Suit: *standing on desk*

Heero: *making finger puppet* Oooh noooo! Cy the photo guy has just been identified as the seventeenth angel!

Duo: *also with finger puppet* Ooooh noooo! Attack, Rei Ayanami, attack!!!

Heero & Duo: *fighting noises*

Trowa & Duet: *at the same time, reach over and smack Duo and Heero, respectively, upside the head*

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *swerves into oncoming lane momentarily* …shit! God damn communist nazi bastards had me convinced we were overseas again.

Duet: *evenly* Ah yes… Those damn communist nazis bastards… They sure have it in for you, don't they, Trowa? And such creative methods…

Trowa: ///_-* Sorry, it's a reflex….

Duet: O__o What did they teach you at the synagogue?

~*~*~*~

Heero: So the, uh, campus literary magazine came out today…

Duo: Oh yeah…?

Heero: Nice fic, DUO MAXWELL! HAH! DUO WROTE A STO~RY!! *slams the door to his room shut*

Duo: *slams into the door* Heero, I will KILL you!

A few minutes later…

Heero: *opens the door again* Duo…that kicked ass. *blink blink*

Duo: *sitting next to the door, hiding his face* I didn't want them to print my naaaaame… x__x

Mike: *from down the hall* Hey, Duo!

Duo: DIE IN MANY, MANY VERY HOT FIRES! *buries face in knees again*

Mike: Have you seen Wu Fei anywhere?

Duo: *looks up* Ah, no.

Mike: Oh… Alright, Hey, I liked your submission by the way.

Duo: x___x

~*~*~*~

Wu Fei: And now it is time for… Embarrassing Poem Theater! *holds up copy of literary magazine* Okay, so there's this button/ Right on my microwave/ I think that I'm in love with it/ Because it is so brave… It stand up against the numbers/ The DEFROST. HIGH, and STOP/ The START, the TIMER and PAUSE/ It makes my popcorn POP!

Duet: Wow… whoever wrote that poem…is a genius.

Wu Fei: By Duet M.

Duet: Like I said… Genius. *shifty eyes*

~*~*~*~

Trowa: *rubbing shoulder* Well I see the campus feminists are out in all their penis-hating glory today…

Wu Fei: Huh? What happened?

Trowa: I was talking to Jessica outside the library and this girl just came up and hit me and called me a WASP.

Wu Fei: …has it occurred to you yet that perhaps there was a wasp somewhere on your person and she was doing you a favor by swatting it away?

Trowa: ///_o Nope. Never crossed my mind.

~*~*~*~

Duo: *stares at Spanish assignment, then at professor* Lemme get this straight… You want me to find these actual words…

Prof. Simon: Yes, that's right.

Duo: You mean the actual...curse words?

Prof. Simon: *nods*

Duo: You mean like… *whispers* bastard?

Prof. Simon: *rolls eyes* YES, Duo.

Duo: …you weirdo. *walks away*

~*~*~*~

Duet: I got discriminating government laws. You?

Duo: I have to collect curse words again…

Duet: YAY! I'll go get Trowa!

~*~*~*~

Duo: *narrows eyes at his friends* Do your worst. *prepares to type*

Mike: Cracker.

Jorge: Gringo.

Heero: Dago.

Trowa: Christian.

Heero: Oh! Good one, Trowa!

Duo: Guys, you're gonna make me cry… This is for class.

Trowa: Just kidding, Duo…You know that.

Heero: PUSSY!

Trowa: BAT FUCKER!

Duet: SLUT!

Jorge: COCK LICKER!

Mike: QUEER!

Heero: MAFIOSO!

Trowa: REPUBLICAN!

Wu Fei: AVRIL LAVIGNE!

Duo: Woah, woah… Just calm down there, Wu Fei. We don't want to get too offensive here…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tori: Just for reference, the project was to compile and explain a number of offensive terms and how they're a form of oppression. He got an A. *huggles Duo* My smarty-pants. ^__^

Ke: Their friend's name is 'George' with a 'J'!

Tori: It's 'hor-hay', dumbass.

Ke: *glares* You wouldn't know that if Duo hadn't told you…