Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Shikanenai ❯ Home Again, Gone Again ( Chapter 6 )

Title: Shikanenai - Part 6

Series: Gundam Wing

Standard Disclaimers:

Yes, yes, the rules are still the same . . . we may write fanfiction as long as we don't claim ownership of Gundam Wing or those kawaii little bishounen. To quote from our own Justice Boy's official battlecry (coming soon to a ficlet near you . . . maybe), "Futou!!" No, he didn't just say what you think he did!! Sheesh, you friggin' potty mouths! *audience sweatdrops* But I did, however, write this story. It is born of my own insanity, my views on life, and, of course, those dopey li'l romance novel induced ice-cream urges.

Spoilers: Up to Ep 25, I think.

Rating: for reasons below . . . PG-13

Warnings:

It's a slight AU(ok, alt-timeline), fluff, angst, drama - Duo-chained-up - ( not like that you hentais ;), some violence, lime content (some characters have sex but it's not described play for play), and some swearing.

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Shikanenai

- capable of anything

By Duo no Tsuin

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PART SIX

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

"I wonder how Heero's doing. Do you think he's hurt?"

"Quatre, he will be fine. Duo is back there and he will tell us if something is wrong with Heero."

Quatre sighed, "Yeah, I know. It's just . . . we have neither heard nor seen them since the battle ended. And I can't help but be curious."

"Hm. Do we have a curious cat in our midst?" Wufei had been silent for a long time. For too long. "They've been through a lot, so just let them be. They'd do the same for you, would they not?"

"Yes, they would."

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

"We're finally home!" The cheerful pilot regarded the livingroom with hope. We will all still be here together to enjoy what little bits of life we can. Enjoy. There was a word that stirred untold amounts of emotion within him. He could still enjoy life, and so could his fellow pilots. "The little things are what truly matter. And that is what we are fighting for. The chance for people to enjoy the simple things in life, without always having to watch their backs of those who would wish to take their freedom away. That is humanity. But if we were ever to lose it, then we would likewise lose our purpose. The war would be pointless, then. We can't let that happen for the colonies . . . or the Earth."

"You talk so much you find it necessary to talk even when no one else is listening?" The voice behind him brushed against his neck and the surrounding hair still in its braid.

Duo smiled. "You heard me, didn't you?"

"Yes," Heero said as his lips came to rest on Duo's neck, just above his collar, and his arms went around Duo's waist.

Duo rocked into him. "Heero . . ."

"Did you mean what you said?"

"Every word. Now do you understand?" The tension coursed through Heero's body on a river of regret and flowed directly into Duo. He knew what was coming before it was said.

"Yes, but . . . "

"But what?"

His arms released Duo. "I can't . . . " And stepped away.

"Can't what?" He turned to face Heero.

". . ." Heero looked down.

"Dammit, Heero, talk to me!"

"I swore I'd never let anyone get this close to me. It was just too risky. My feelings could get in the way. But then I met you . . ." Heero trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"And now?"

"Now I know that there is something more beyond what I have been taught. War is my life . . . and will likely be my death one day. But you, Duo, are my light, my dedication, my salvation. Life is precious. And it's all because of you."

"Heero . . ."

"Duo, I want . . ." But could Duo want the same thing? He couldn't. It means so much . . . and I'd mean all of it. Wouldn't I?

"Yeah, me too."

"You should get some rest. You've had a long day." Does he mean it?

"I will only if you do. You need it too."

Heero's eyebrow quirked. "Promise?"

"Yeah, I promise, Heero."

The doorknob turned. All discussion halted and the two pilots instantaneously put distance between them.

Quatre entered followed by Trowa and Wufei. "What are you two still doing up? We said we'd take care of the Gundams. And now that that's done, we should all get some sleep. We deserve it. How does that sound?"

"Well, Quatre," yawned Duo as he stretched, "That sounds like a great idea. If any of you need me,

you know how to find me." This was his chance for a simple exit.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Duo walked to his room alone. What a day! The click of the closing door resounded in the empty room. Empty. It sure wasn't like that this morning. Duo grinned. What would I give for another night like that?

After preparing to retire to his bed, Duo climbed reluctantly under the cold, empty sheets.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Duo had left the room quickly, barely leaving enough time for Heero even to see his exit. He knew it would be some time before he would also be able to leave. He would wait until the others were asleep. I won't be hasty . . . for Duo.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Duo turned again. No position was adequate. I'm so tired, but why can't I sleep? Is it because I haven't told him? Heero . . .

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Duo . . . Heero stopped outside the door. He reached for the handle and froze. Why is this so hard for me, now? Earlier, we agreed on it. And there is no way that I will be able to sleep alone tonight, despite my present condition But that's just it. I'm in no condition to be alone. But is Duo? Is he waiting for me? Is he even awake? Heero took in a deep breath and let it out. There's only one way to find out. His hand clutched the doorknob. Why do I keep doing this to myself? "Because of a certain blue-eyed, braided bishounen," a voice answered in his head. Courage restored, he opened the door.

A sleeping Duo had lost the sheets, tossed away to reveal his lone body. He lay on his stomach, clad only in black boxers. Beautiful . . . The temptation was too great. Heero walked toward the bed. Settling himself, he removed his boots and socks with his back to Duo. The bed moved under a shifting weight. Cool arms wrapped themselves around Heero's shirted chest.

"So you decided to come after all, eh Heero?"

"I waited until the others were asleep. I wanted to make sure we'd be alone."

"And now that we are alone, what are we going to do for the rest of the night?" It was a welcoming question and they both knew it. Duo's exploring hands moved over Heero's tanktop.

"Did you change your mind?"

"I'm not sure, yet. You're going to have to convince me . . . with words."

"With . . . words," Heero repeated.

"A change, I know. Sure, you could just do as you have done, by initiating the action yourself, but do you remember earlier . . . in front of your computer?"

"Yeah."

"Different?" His head fit in the crook of Heero's shoulder perfectly.

"Unplanned."

"Exactly. Do you think I planned this?" Duo shifted himself to lie on his side, looking up at Heero.

"It's a possibility."

"Sorry to have to disappoint you, but I'm making this up as I go. Talk to me Heero."

"Now?"

"Well, yeah."

"Why?"

"Just because."

"About what?"

"Anything."

Anything . . . He wished it could be that simple. But when around others, especially Duo, his brain refused to operate. And on the rare occasion it did, his lips, his tongue, or both would refuse to form the words. Either way, the words would rarely come. And now was no exception. "Anything."

"As long as it's in words."

"I've never been good with words. I cannot tell you . . . I can only show you."

"So show me, then."

"Are you sure?"

"Convince me." He was playing a dangerous game, and he knew it. But he didn't care. All that mattered was that night and the soul that stared down at him from within deep, prussian blue eyes.

Unsure of what he was doing, Heero shifted his weight and placed his lips on Duo's. "Duo . . ."

"Yes, Heero?"

He backed away slightly, leaving a caressing hand on Duo's cheek. "You're the most enticing, beautiful being I've ever met. And I can't think of my life without you in it . . . this night especially. I want to tell you . . . but not in words. I want to tell you another way . . . one that I can handle. Please, tell me that you will let me?"

"Heero, I . . . I don't know . . . how. I've never . . ."

Heero's eyes widened. "My sweet Duo, you're no where near as lively as you make yourself out to be."

"Hey, just because I'm louder and more . . . well, outgoing than the others, is no reason that I . . ."

"Gomen, Duo. You're just so much more open than any of us. And there is no one who I'd trust in a fight, by my side, on a battlefield."

"You mean it? Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, Heero!" He came to Heero quickly, wrapping arms around him tightly. "That's got to be one of the best complements that anyone has ever given me!"

"It's the truth, Duo. I meant every word."

"Every word?"

"Does this answer your question?" He picked Duo up and laid him gently down again with his head on a pillow. Their lips met hesitantly but once joined, this kiss took on a life all it's own.

It amplified all emotion and brought it to life with its full force. Pure, raw emotion. They could feel the passion coursing through them and it grew. It grew until they were fully encompassed in it's warm, fevered embrace. Neither truly knew what was happening, but neither wanted it to stop. They knew they had wanted it . . . and each other. But never did the force behind it, their same reason, leave their hearts.

It was not as quick as it would seem. The heat of the moment disillusioned the very shape of and face of time itself. Compared to the life of the Earth, a human life lasts a mere fraction of a second. But compared to the lives of these two souls, this moment was a long desired eternity, blissful and slow. Like a roller coaster it grew and fell, but with much less urgency. All either knew, was that everything had led up to this moment, this heated, precious moment. It was the height of all feeling and both knew it deep within as it ended. The blaze had reached its full power and quickly fell to a low glow of two lone embers.

Locked in each other's arms, bodies still entwined together, they smiling pilots refused to move, lest they never feel it again. They simply wanted to lie there, basking in the glow.

Duo smiled against the naked skin of his lover's chest. He had never felt anything like that before. He had never fathomed that he could feel this way about anyone. Nor that anyone could care for him with such a passion. He had never wanted to be this close. He had feared. . . always feared what could happen if he had ever let himself get this close to anyone. All those that he had ever cared about had died and all without him saying what was in his heart. Perhaps they had known all along, but this was one person that he wanted to tell. He needed to tell. "I love you, Heero."

Duo feared it was too quiet and he hadn't heard, but a reassuring squeeze and a kiss to his hair told him otherwise.

Duo looked up to his love's penetrating gaze, meeting it equally. "You're awake after all, Heero."

"Did you mean it, Duo?"

"Of course I did, Heero. And I'll say it again. I love you, Heero Yuy. And that's not just the residual glow talking, either. It's the truth. And I'll never feel otherwise."

Won't you, Duo? He thought. But any further thought was pushed from his mind at the moment when Duo brushed his lips with his own.

"I would have thought you'd be asleep be now . . . but no, I guess I should expect it with your stanima," Duo smirked. He didn't expect Heero to say anything. He didn't want to ruin it and neither did Heero. Heero simply kissed him lightly and guided his head back onto his chest. Duo welcomed the embrace and the warm, fatigued, euphoric feeling it brought with it. And soon, he was asleep, leaving Heero alone to his thoughts . . . and the cold.

He's finally asleep. I wish I could join him, but my mind refuses to give in to the fatigue of my body. I should be tired, and I am, thanks to Duo, Heero smiled inwardly at the thought. Duo . . . poor, sweet Duo. What I have I done to you? I have taken that which can never be returned. But worst of all, I have stolen your heart.

He says he loves me, and I don't doubt it. But I cannot say the same. I acted on my emotions and the likewise events followed. But what will be the consequences of my actions? What if Duo . . . it could happen. I've seen if before. People care for others so much that they lose regard for their own life . . . and lose it. It can't happen, not to my Duo . . . My Duo . . . If only it could be true. But there are so many reasons why we shouldn't be together. We can't be together, especially if Duo wants to live. And why wouldn't he? He is the essence of life, despite his name of Death, and I won't let him die because of me. If it's me that would cause his death, then it is I who must go. But not now. Not yet. He deserves this night of happiness, and I won't let go of him. Not yet. Just one night of complete happiness for my beautiful life-light. Hold on, Duo. Hold onto this night, forever.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

All through the night, they stayed together just like that. Heero did not want to let go, but the blue light heralded the start of a new day. The others would be awakening soon. He had to leave before then. There would be too many questions, none of which he wished to answer.

As the night wore on, Duo's grip slackened. Now, Heero could leave. Duo would not fight him in his sleep tonight, his body was simply too exhausted. Quietly, Heero slipped out from beneath an unconscious Duo. Heero froze at the side of the bed. Duo did not awake. He dressed silently, always keeping his eyes on Duo. When dressed, he approached the sleeping figure once more. The sheet hung loosely around Duo, but when he rolled onto his back the sheet clung to his body. He brought his legs up close, tightening the sheet's hold on his legs. They were muscular and lean. Perfect. The thought of those legs, those legs wrapped tightly around him almost made him forget that nagging feeling inside that choked away all thoughts of a future. A future . . . with Duo.

Against all his instincts, he laid one last kiss upon Duo's well kissed lips. At least, he told himself it would be the last. That is my last gift to you, along with last night. I'm sorry that I can't give you more. So sorry. You deserve more. So much more. So much that I can't give. I have only myself to give, but I'm not free, Duo. I'm not free to live. I don't deserve it and you do. That is why I must go. Goodbye, my Duo. I hope the light in your eyes never fades. Please forgive me. One day, I hope you will understand. I have to go now, my Duo.

He walked backwards to the door, opening it with one blind hand. The word caught in his throat, strangling him, but he choked it out anyway. "Sayonara."

And with that one word said, Heero closed the door.

Duo turned in his sleep, searching silently for his missing companion. "Heero . . . "

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

As Heero walked across the lawn and towards the woods that secluded his Gundam, he couldn't help wondering why, for once, he had bothered to change into his jeans. He buried his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. What a morning to have to do this. Well, no one said you had to. You chose to on your own. Heero exhaled deeply through his open mouth, producing a chill, misty reminder of what he was leaving behind. Warmth. And companionship. "Hn?" A small snowflake fell just in front of the tip of his nose. He stopped suddenly. Why do I have this sudden urge to turn around? He shook the feeling off forcefully. No. What I'm doing is best for the both of us. Duo will thank me for this one day. But that means I'd have to see him again. And I'm not about to let that happen. If I see him again, then I might lose all resolve. I'm not going back.

A cool kiss of the wind against the back of his neck forced one vulnerable shiver from within him that radiated through his whole being. Maybe just one more look wouldn't hurt. Slowly, he started to turn his head.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

As Duo reached a lone arm out beside him, he touched only empty, bare sheets. He sat up suddenly, "Heero . . .?" His eyes searched the room for any sign of the Wing pilot. He found none.

Was it all just a dream? As he began to bite down on his lip, he stopped. The cut . . . then I was captured. But what about last night? Was last night real too? On an impulse he looked down at the floor next to the bed. Sure enough, one pair of black boxers. So it did happen. Duo smiled weakly. And Heero's no where in sight. Duo stood, pulled on his boxers, and stretched. "Wow, what a night! I wonder where Heero went off t-"

As Duo opened his eyes, a surprising sight greeted him out the glass balcony door. A snowflake and . . . "Heero . . ." He was wearing his jacket and jeans. "Must be a cold one this morning. But where . . ."

Suddenly, the walking Heero stopped. Duo smiled. "Hey, Heero! Up here!" Duo's shoulders slumped as his smile faded. "He can't hear me." He walked to the door and tested it. "Damn, it won't open. Heero!"

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Heero stopped turning his head in mid motion. Another snowflake. What am I doing? What do I expect to see? Duo? I can't look back. I need to keep going. I need to leave. That is my mission. To continue on alone, emotionless, and with only missions present in my mind. And without another thought, Heero continued on his solitary journey. He never once looking back as his only companions, many solitary snowflakes, began to fall.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Duo was frozen in his place, unmoving. He's not going to turn around. He's not going to stop. He's . . . leaving. But why? Was it something I did? Something I . . . said? Duo gulped. Last night, I told him I loved him. I didn't expect him to say it. Is that why he left? Because he didn't return my feelings?

The snowflakes continued to fall toward the earth, each intangibly different from the others, each beautifully angelic in its own right, and each eternally alone with none to accompany it. Fallen . . . angels . . . like . . . "Heero, if you need to go, then go. I won't stop you."

As Heero disappeared through the line of trees, Duo could have sworn he felt something on his cheek. "No tears. Not now. Not ever."

It feels like the end . . . doesn't it?

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And you thought that last part was the ending? Nope. Still more. Think I was too cruel to Duo? Then, by all means, send all the usual to: duonotsuin@yahoo.com