Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Shikanenai ❯ It All Makes Sense ( Chapter 7 )

Title: Shikanenai - Part 7

Series: Gundam Wing

Standard Disclaimers:

Yes, yes, the rules are still the same . . . we may write fanfiction as long as we don't claim ownership of Gundam Wing or those kawaii little bishounen. To quote from our own Justice Boy's official battlecry (coming soon to a ficlet near you . . . maybe), "Futou!!" No, he didn't just say what you think he did!! Sheesh, you friggin' potty mouths! *audience sweatdrops* But I did, however, write this story. It is born of my own insanity, my views on life, and, of course, those dopey li'l romance novel induced ice-cream urges.

Spoilers: Up to Ep 25, I think.

Rating: for reasons below . . . PG-13

Warnings:

It's a slight AU(ok, alt-timeline), fluff, angst, drama - Duo-chained-up - ( not like that you hentais ;), some violence, lime content (some characters have sex but it's not described play for play), and some swearing.

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Shikanenai

- capable of anything

By Duo no Tsuin

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PART SEVEN

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Something is wrong, Nataku. I feel it. After the battle last night, everything seemed well enough. Perhaps even too well. Heero and Duo are together now, but something does not sit right with me. For me to envy such happiness would be an injustice in itself. I will not do that. They are the closest people I have to real friends. We are all so different, Nataku. But it appears that perhaps the final line has been drawn. They have something I can never have . . . now. They are truly blessed. But with such a blessing, comes great responsibility. And to overlook such a blessing . . . is to spend one's life alone. I know that now, Nataku. I failed you in your life. But I will not fail you in your death.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

"So, how's the patient doing today?"

Duo wanted to say, How do you think I'm doing? But thought better of the blatantly sarcastic remark. May as well tell him the truth. Jumping up onto the examination table, Duo answered without his usual grin. "Patiently awaiting a clean bill of health so he will cease being suffocated by all those overly protective of him and their questions."

The doctor laughed and watched as the braided boy absently drummed on the table. "Well, now that I've met you, it's easy to see why they've all been acting so concerned."

Duo grinned. "Can't wait for my room to empty up, can they?"

"Heavens, no."

"Well, it does have the best view . . ."

"Young man . . ."

"Duo."

"Well, Duo, I didn't mean that they were acting concerned. They were all concerned for your health."

"All?"

"Yes, all of them. They care about your well being as if you were their brother, a close member of their family."

"A . . . family. Wow, I've never really known what it's like to have a family. I mean, a real one. And one that actually lasted . . ."

"Were you an orphan?"

"Yeah, I guess I . . . was, as you put it."

"I'm glad to hear that things have changed."

"Yeah, thanks. But people, however, rarely ever change."

"In what way?"

"It's just . . . things happen . . . special circumstances arise and strange things happen."

"Hm. I seem to know what you mean."

"Yeah, but how?"

"I'm a doctor. If strange things didn't happen and there were no special circumstances, then I would be out of a job."

"I could see that."

The doctor chuckled suddenly.

"What? What's so funny?"

"In my line of work, people call on you when they don't know what to do, or even just when they need someone else to take control. But when someone else tries to take over for me . . ."

"What are you talking about?"

"The night I was brought here to help you, I was, as usual, prepared to take over, but . . ."

"But, what?"

"Let's just say there was someone who couldn't let me take over the situation."

Duo paled. "Heero . . ."

"Yes, I believe that was his name."

"What happened?"

The doctor related to Duo everything that he could remember, which, despite his age, was a lot.

"So, that's what happened while I was unconscious," Duo said slowly and quietly.

"Yes, does this surprise you?"

"More than you or anyone will ever know."

"Well, it was strange behavior. Or, at least, that's the impression I got from the rest of them."

"It's not the way he acted. Heero's always wanted things done on his terms and his alone without any interference in his plans."

"That much I gathered. So, it wasn't how he acted as much as why he did so."

"Yeah, that's the bad news. No one knows."

"Would you like to hear another prospective? My perception of the events that took place?"

"Sure, what the Hell. It's not like I haven't been getting it from everyone else lately."

"I'm sorry, I had no idea. And I had no right to suggest it."

"Now, hold on a minute. I didn't say you shouldn't have suggested it. I guess I'm still a little overwhelmed, considering everything that's happened to me lately. And everyone's been offering me advice or information lately, but somehow no one can say it all at once. So every extra bit I can get my hands on is just one step closer to what I want to know."

The doctor sighed. "I can see why they all were so upset at the prospect of losing you. They all showed it in different ways but they all felt it."

"I guess that's how the people in my line of work are."

"Perhaps."

"But, please, do continue."

"No one in that room wanted you to . . ."

"Die. It's okay. It's almost happened before."

"Yes, well, they all showed it, in their ways. Master Quatre, he tried to keep everything under control, but he knew he couldn't so he sought me out. The tall one . . ."

"Trowa."

"Trowa. He was there for Quatre offering him whatever he could to help him help you."

"Makes sense."

"The Chinese boy, Wufei, was it?"

"Yes."

"He was quiet through it. He helped me find everything I needed to help you."

"That in itself seems strange. But I'm learning."

"And the other, Heero. He wanted everything to be done and done perfectly. He was so cold. The others seemed to almost fear what would happen if I failed. He was rude and unforgiving. But still I listened to him, when it was beneficial, and here you are. As much as I hate to admit it, you would not be alive without him."

"Well, he was the one who found me."

"Yes, and what luck that was."

"Luck? What do you mean, luck?"

"What, you didn't know?"

"I read the mission profile and the debrief, but I wasn't looking for that bit of information at the time."

"Ah, yes, I heard. And the one who was saved became the savior."

"I guess you could say that."

"What luck it must have been to find the little bit of data that the others missed. Hm, strange how luck played such a lifesaver in your life . . . and more than once."

"Luck? Is that what you really think it was?"

"Well, if not that, then fate. I, myself, don't believe in luck. After all, I'm a doctor."

"Oh, so now you tell me."

"Well, whatever it was, it led him to you. And that's all that matters, isn't it?"

"Yeah. You're right, Doc. You're absolutely right. Now, how about that check up?"

"Alright, but if your demeanor's any clue, then you're mostly, if not completely, recovered from all your injuries."

"I sure hope you're right. More than anything in the world, I hope you're right." I need to be recovered. It's been a day since all the excitement ended. And this very morning my true recovery began.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Nataku, the something I thought would happen did. Heero is gone. We don't know why he left. And no one dares speak of it aloud, for Duo's sake. His joyous mask is back. He is truly in pain.

Heero did not recognize what he has. I consider it a great weakness based on my experiences. What he has is so much more than what he could ever have with . . . Relena. She is not the one for him. He deserves someone strong that can understand us. And smiling brought by humor is more meaningful when compared with death wishes brought on by sickness. He needs someone who will help him appreciate life, rather than immediately condemning him for taking it. We know this, but does he?

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"Is there something on your mind, Quatre?" Trowa asked the agitated boy who had so quickly moved into his embrace after entering his room sometime ago.

"Hum?"

"Or someone, perhaps?"

"Yes," Quatre sighed.

"Tell me, please."

As Quatre absently drew a circle on Trowa's chest, he debated whether or not he should. It had only been a few days. Why couldn't he just let it go? But I can't, he thought. Duo is in too much pain. "I still can't believe that Heero's gone. He left so suddenly . . . so soon after . . . he and Duo . . ."

"They've always been close."

"And on a level which none of us could ever reach with them."

"Wufei would be thankful for that."

Quatre smiled. "A joke, Trowa?"

"I'm sure his nose would start bleeding immediately if that ever crossed his mind."

Quatre's smile faded. "I feel so powerless, Trowa. I wish there was something I could do . . . for Duo. He is try so hard to act like it doesn't bother him. But when I run into him and he is alone . . . his face is so empty. It's scary. Duo has never been like this. Except when . . ." Quatre drifted off.

"Except when what, Quatre?"

"After Heero self-destructed and Duo and I found our way to that base in the desert, he and I talked."

"About what?"

"About everything. Who we were, our objectives, and . . . our mistakes. When Heero was mentioned . . . he seemed so bleak, so . . . hopeless. Up until a few days ago, I could hardly remember if I ever sw Duo truly unhappy. But now . . ."

"He is unhappy."

"And it's still about Heero. Poor Duo . . . I wish I could help him. But whenever I approach him . . . he acts so happy. And then I can't bear mentioning anything that could make him feel unhappy. But he won't show us any other side of himself. I just don't know what to do, Trowa."

"Quatre, you can't force people to change their hearts . . . especially when their pain is all they feel. Duo needs some time to himself right now. But when he's ready, he'll talk."

"You really think so, Trowa?"

"Yes, Quatre. Now, it's getting late. You need to rest."

"That's how you are, always looking out for me. You don't need to, you know. I can take care of myself."

"I know, Quatre. But the truth is, I don't know how my life would be without you. I can't bear the thought of ever losing you. I love you, Quatre."

"I love you too, Trowa."

"Now, get some sleep."

"I'll try. Although the prospect of doing what we did earlier again is not far from my thoughts . . . or my dreams."

"Sweet dreams, my little Quatre."

"I love it when you call me that . . ." And with that he was drawn into the dreamworld where nothing bad could harm him.

At least, if Trowa had anything to say about it. His words served their purpose. Quatre would dream happily this night, although he might regret it in the morning. But Trowa didn't mind. He would just use new words in a similar purpose the next night. Anything to see the blond haired boy smile, but especially in his sleep. He is still so innocent, despite all that's happened. It is a miracle that he has kept it so long. He is a miracle. My miracle. But Duo and Heero have yet to discover theirs. Maybe a little help wouldn't hurt . . . this time. Trowa's gaze lilted on Quatre's delicately smiling, sleeping face. Still, I can't help but wonder myself. Why did you leave, Heero? Did you not find what you wanted . . . or was it the opposite? Did you find it . . . and then you simply knew not what to make of it?

Quatre snuggled closer to Trowa's body in his sleep, calling for him to join him . . . even in the dreamworld. I know how you feel, Heero. I've been there. But you need to find your own way back. And Duo is most likely the only one who can guide you. Quatre was there for me. And so will Duo be for you. Don't ever forget that. I haven't . . . Trowa let his body relax into the waiting arms of a dreaming Quatre. A smile tugging at his lips, he brushed them against Quatre's hair. . . . And I won't. But if I ever do, then Quatre will be there for me once more. Duo needs you, Heero. And you need him so much that you fear you might break him. But he won't break with you. He is strong . . . like all of us. Without you . . . we all fear what might happen. He needs you, Heero. Don't let your pride blind you. Trust your emotions, for they lie in your heart. And, if my observations are correct, you heart exists solely for Duo. For without him, who knows how you would turn out. And if not for you . . . the light will fade from his eyes. I've seen it happen and, believe me, that's not something that even you should ever have the bad luck to see. If luck exists, that is.

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

Duo leaned against the sturdy railing of the balcony. His arms crossed in thought and placed on the edge, he gazed blindly at the snow covered grounds. Too bad it's too early for the others to be up. I need a distraction. I'd sleep but that bed is no comfort to me now. He remembered brief moments of him and Heero being there together. "Damn you, Heero."

Duo heard a footstep behind him. It wasn't Heero. Wufei would come out here, especially with anyone else out here. Quatre was probably still asleep, due to the early hour. That left only Trowa.

Trowa walked up to the railing.

Duo stretched, sighing sleepily as he did so. "Hey, morning, Trowa, buddy. What are you doing up so early?"

"I could ask the same of you."

"Uh . . . there are simply too many hours in a day for sleep. There's just too much to do."

"Hm."

"So what's your excuse? Why aren't you, uh . . . you know."

"With Quatre?"

"Well, yeah."

"He is asleep. The little guy's tired." Trowa's lip curled slightly at the thought of him.

"Oh," Duo's eyes grew wide in recognition. "Yeah, it's easy to forget sometimes," he said quietly.

Silence followed. Trowa's trademark conversational skills. But silence this time, he thought, would do nothing to improve the situation.

Damn, why did I have to bring up him and Quatre. The more I think about them, the more I think about . . .

"What is it about you blue eyed boys?"

"Huh?"

"You blued eyed boys, you try too hard to hide your emotions. But in doing so, you usually only show more of what you try to hide."

"Oh, well, Quatre and I . . ." Duo began trying to make up a worthy excuse.

"Aren't you forgetting someone."

"Who?" Duo spat out, realizing the answer as soon as the question had left his mouth.

"Heero," Trowa offered insightfully.

"Heero?! That guy's as cold as they come. He has no emotions. And even if he did . . . well, he wouldn't ever show them."

"He has blue eyes, doesn't he?"

"Yeah," Duo sighed. He could never forget those piercing cobalt eyes. "Not that that has much to do with anything."

"Those eyes show more than either of you know."

"Hn. Like what?" Duo said sarcastically.

"Think, Duo. Why did he free you from that prison?"

"So he could kill me later," he remarked bitterly.

"Wouldn't it have been easier for him to kill you there?"

"Yeah. But who knows? Maybe Heero thought he could torture some information out of me first."

"Torture . . ." Trowa raised an eyebrow ". . . so that's what it was like."

Duo blushed. "Well, not exactly."

"Duo . . ."

"Yeah, Trowa?"

"Why can't you see what we've seen for as long as we've know the two of you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Quatre would kill me if I said anything. He will probably be mad that I've said anything to you at all."

"Now, don't be too hard on him. He might just be a little jealous. That's all."

"He shouldn't be. He knows how I feel about him. And he knows that no one could ever change that."

"I wish I had his confidence. You and Heero are a lot alike."

"Hai. We both believe we would act on our emotions."

"Nani . . ." Duo's jaw dropped.

"Don't be so surprised."

"How do you know that?"

"After Heero self-destructed . . ." Duo remembered that. It was one of the worst days of his life. ". . . and awoke from the coma, he told me that the only way to live a good life is to act on your emotions. Even people like us."

"Heero said that!"

"Hai."

"Man! Who would've thought. Heero acting on emotions. He sure doesn't seem like the type."

"Just because someone is quiet, it doesn't mean that they are void of emotion."

"Quatre would sure agree with that. He used to swear that you weren't as . . ."

"As what?"

"Uh, as . . ." Oh, what the Hell, it's the truth. ". . . stuck up as I thought you were. I realized that no one that Quatre felt about, like he does you, could be as heartless as he seemed to be."

"Heero is like that as well. Just give him time. He tries to act as tough as his 'perfect soldier' ideal. He knows much of war, but emotions, tools of peacetime, are something that was not mentioned in his training."

Duo laughed. "That's for sure. The was probably born with a gun in his hand. Speaking of which, where do you think he hides it? I mean, every time he wears that tanktop and shorts he has a gun on him . . . somewhere . . ."

"Duo, be serious. Your act doesn't fool any of us, especially Quatre. If you talked to him about Heero, I'm sure he would consider it great progress. But for now . . . be patient. Heero will come back. He can't avoid you forever."

"Yeah, maybe not. But knowing Heero . . . he will definitely try."

<*~~~~~~~~~~~~~*>

I can't believe I'm doing this, Duo thought as he approached the door to Heero's now vacant room. It's not like he left a note or anything that could tell me where he went. But still . . . I just want to look . . . His hand froze as it encircled the cold metal knob. No, I shouldn't. This is stupid! Just how obsessed are you, Duo Maxwell? The question itself was reminiscent of the Japanese pilot. Duo smiled. This much.

As Duo opened the stubborn door, the air itself tried to escape the dismalness of the dark, empty room in a quick rush. He fumbled for the light switch and flicked it on. Duo had to admit, it wasn't quite what he expected it to be. No, it was much more. He had never actually been inside Heero's room before. Oh, he had wanted to, but he never found the opportunity.

Duo had expected to see an empty room. He had expected nothing more form the soldier code-named Heero Yuy. But as he had done many times lately, he had grossly underestimated him.

The room was the same size as Duo's, but its coloring, the distinct showpiece of the room, and the overall atmosphere of the room gave it its own signature upon the house. The ceiling, all four walls, the thick carpet, and even the drawn curtains were dark blue. No, cobalt blue. But each held their own significant anomalies. The textured ceiling took on the shape of a starlit sky in this soft indoor light. Th walls, though covered mostly by many hardwood bookcases and other pieces of furniture, had small almost indecernable shapes dotting the dark wallpaper. Are those clouds? No, too small. Stars? No, not them either. They almost look like angels. Wait a minute, the carpet . . . it's not a solid blue, it's got other shades of blue, silver, grays, and even some white . . . like clouds.

And over the sea of clouds loomed one object. It was the showpiece of the room. The large, canopied, mahogany four poster bed seemed to be floating on the cloudlike carpet. With sheets of blue, also cobalt, the bed was covered in many ornate carvings. From the frame to the headboard, to the posts and up toward the canopy, the evidence of how the bed floated became apparent. Angels. Well, perhaps cherubs, but either way they still danced with the potency of life radiating outward from within. Duo couldn't resist. Entranced, Duo approached the bed. Letting his fingers glide against the smooth, bright wood, he examined it all. Some played horns lires, and violins, others were flying, floating, or lounging, but always they were peaceful. Their eyes shone bright than stars and their smiles surpassed all known feelings of happiness.

Duo smiled. Reminds me of someone I knew. Or, at least, I thought I knew him, he conceded as his smile likewise faded away. Giving into the sadness of revelation, Duo let himself sink onto the bed. He's gone. He's really gone. And he's not coming back. It's all my fault . . .

"Duo? Duo, what are you doing in here? I've been looking everywhere for you," a concerned voice said softly from the doorway.

Quatre. Duo started to put on his grief masking grin, but thought better of it. "Duo Maxwell, I may run and hide, but I never tell a lie . . ." Cut the crap, Baka. Better start being honest . . . to yourself and the others. "Nothing, really. Just thinking."

"You could have done that anywhere else."

"I know. I guess . . . I needed to capture something . . . anything that he left behind. Any thought, any feeling, or just anything. I needed to see something that was his. Does what I'm saying make any sense?" Duo asked with calm desperation.

"You miss him."

"Yeah, I do," Duo said matter-of-factly.

Slowly, Quatre made his way into the room and leaned against the desk across from Duo and the bed. Taking in the room once again, Quatre spoke, "When Heero chose this room I couldn't believe it, and I still can't."

"You mean he chose this himself?"

"Yes, although whether he did it intentionally or not I don't know. We were walking the halls and I asked him what room he wanted. He said he didn't care, but I insisted he choose. Then, he stopped and said, 'This one.' I asked him if he was sure and he opened the door, entered, and said, 'This one is fine,' as he closed the door."

"Do you think he chose this room intentionally?"

"I don't think so, if you mean that he had seen it already and preselected it."

"Somehow, I doubt it. Quatre . . ."

"Yeah, Duo."

"Do you believe in fate?"

Quatre knew Duo was no longer talking about Heero's room. Well, at least the 'Heero' part was right. "I believe that everything happens for a reason."

"So then it was supposed to end this way. I should have known. How could I have been so blind . . ."

"No, Duo. You misunderstood. Fate is a powerful thing . . . but it can only get you so far. Fate is the road we walk to our destinies. It's up to us to make the choices that shape our destiny."

"So fate is the journey and destiny is what we make of the journey."

"Yeah. At least, that's what I believe."

"Thanks, Quatre. That helps a lot."

"Things didn't go quite as you hoped."

"No, but I don't know what I expected. I guess I overestimated the toll it would take on Heero."

"Or you're underestimating him now."

"Don't make me get my hopes up, Quatre. It's easier if I think he won't be back. That way when he doesn't come back, I won't be disappointed."

"That's not true, Duo."

"I know. I'll miss him no matter what."

"No, I mean he will be back."

"That's what Trowa said."

"He talked to you?"

"Yeah, this morning before you . . . oh. I wasn't supposed to tell you."

"And why not?"

"He thought that you would be mad at him."

"For what? For talking to my friend when he told me not to?"

"Hey, hold on, Quatre," Duo began as he raised his hands in a peaceful manner, "He was just giving me another perspective to look at the situation."

"And did it help?"

"Well, at least now I have some idea of what could have gone through Heero's mind after . . ."

"After what, Duo?"

"I don't know if I should say anything."

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to. I'm just here to listen."

"And maybe give some advice . . ." Duo taunted with a grin.

Quatre bowed his head. "Yeah. Maybe that too."

"Hey, Quatre, I knew you and Trowa just want to help. But you can't force him to come back."

"I know, Duo."

"And Quatre . . ."

"Yeah, Duo."

"Don't go feeling sorry for yourself."

"I'll tell you what, I won't if you won't, Duo."

Duo thought it over . . . for less than a second. "Alright, it's a deal!"

"But Duo . . . you can still talk to me. Especially if you feel sorry for yourself."

"You're a great friend, Quatre."

"So are you, Duo."

"So . . . when's lunch?" Duo grinned genuinely.

Quatre laughed. "Right now, if you're hungry."

"You bet I am!" Duo leapt from the bed and placed his hands on his hips. "Now, where's the Silencer and the Dragon?"

"I don't know. Probably . . ."

"Working! Well, you and I will just have to go find them and wave some of that de-liscious food under their noses until they're practically begging us to let them try some."

"Sounds dangerous," Quatre countered as they walked toward the door.

Duo froze in his tracks and turned to face the Sandrock pilot. "Aw, come on, Quatre. Give a little credit. After an encounter with Heero Yuy . . . I can handle anything."

To be continued.

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Sounds like Duo's doing okay without Heero around. Yup, it just might work out after all. Send it all to: duonotsuin@yahoo.com