Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Sky Arc ❯ Holding The Light - 01 ( Chapter 2 )

Sky Arc - Holding The Light (1/?)

Pairing : 1x2, (1x5)
Ratings : R
Warnings : Yaoi, angst, lemonish
Disclaimer : Gundam Wing belongs to Bandai, Sotsu, Sunrise and associated affiliates, not me.

Summary : (sequel to Kiss of the Moon) Duo could laugh about it, but it's getting harder as it becomes more apparent just *who* Heero has been spending more and more nights with.

A/N : First and foremost, this arc is a more emotional exploration of what might have been between the three main characters. There's angst, there's unrequited feelings, there's selfishness, and yes, there's very possibly, OOC. Forgive me. ^^ Some liberties have to be taken with characterisation, especially with a plotline such as this. I hope readers will enjoy following the story, though! Feedback very appreciated! ^^

The apartment was silent when he returned. He glanced down at the shoe-rack and noted how messily Heero's shoes were shoved inside. This only happened on certain days. He had never noticed it before, but some things just got more obvious with time.

Stepping inside, he shrugged off his jacket and hung it on the rack. The whole apartment was so quiet. And right after that thought, the sudden chiming from the living room clock startled him. He counted six chimes. An hour more to go before Heero woke up to prepare for work.

These days, this was how their work schedules clashed. He would work the graveyard shift and return at times like this, while Heero kept to his day timetable. Not that Heero hadn't tried to keep their working times in better tandem, but it was difficult. The work piled up by the day. Eventually, they stopped trying to match their schedules. The frustration only left them irritated with themselves…and each other. Better not meet at all, than to meet and start a snarling match.

He stopped before the door that led to the master bedroom, suddenly overcome by a wave of crushing defeat. Left supporting himself with one hand braced against the door, he squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the memory of them hurling hurtful words at each other. Rather, himself doing the hurling. Heero had been silent and unmoveable as a brick wall.

And the shoes, the shoes…they were so messy only because Heero had been out during the night...

The door pulled open without warning and he gasped as he tumbled inside and right into a hard chest. He floundered for a moment, disorientated, but wiry arms steadied him, then he was staring wide-eyed into Prussian blue orbs.

"Heero," he said softly, not quite sure what else he could say.

"Duo."

He knew it was just perfectly ridiculous of himself, but he knew his eyes were watering at the gentle way his name sounded in Heero's mouth. It had been so long since he had heard Heero call him in this way.

"I…" Duo started, then the words refused to surface. They were there, right in his throat. I didn't think I'd catch you, Heero. I thought you have work…"

"I do." Heero's hands tightened that ever slightly on Duo's shoulders. "But I'm free now...for a while."

"For a while..." Duo's bright tenor wavered before he laughed. "For a while's good...good."

The clock chimed again, once. A half hour past. Time was relentless in its race against human endeavours. This was the very thought in Duo's mind even as he raised his arms to let Heero slip his shirt off. The air was cold against his skin and he shivered. A split-second later Heero's skin pressed to his body, every inch of Heero warm on his own flesh.

"I wish we have a little more time..." Duo murmured.

Heero didn't answer in words. Instead, he dipped his head, covering Duo's mouth with his. They kissed softly, fleeting touches with their lips, then abandoned the teasing for passion. Heero's tongue slid into moist, inviting silkiness. Groaning between those demanding kisses, Duo's hands rose above him, tangling into thick dark-brown bangs, and clutching Heero's head as he crushed their mouths even harder together. They stumbled back onto the bed, legs tangling together, hands roving blindly in hungry bid to touch all of each other.

Somewhere between them, Duo felt a burning grip on each of his knee, nudging his legs apart. He tore away from Heero's lips, head arching back with a gasp as he felt that same grip curve around him. Achingly slow caresses massaged him to full hardness and his hips kilted up in mindless response, wanting more of those surges of sweet sensations that thrummed through his every vein.

"Duo...Look at me, Duo..."

His eyes flew open, but he felt like drowning still in Heero's deep, sea-blue eyes. Bottomless, both of them, and so, so blue. Heero's hand stilled on his member and he couldn't help a moan. There was pleasure even in stillness; his arousal gloved by that steely and scalding hot touch. Moans became ragged breaths as Duo lifted his legs for what he knew would come - slick fingers caressing him, and slipping into him, slowly probing him, preparing him.

Heavy-eyed, Duo stared up into the face of his lover. Angularly handsome, fine-boned and now tensed at the jaw from reining in his own pleasure and *giving* pleasure without the hurt.

Heero was always gentle.

Lifting himself onto his elbows, Duo pressed a quick kiss to the thin line of lips, sliding his tongue over them and tasting both Heero and the saltiness of sweat. "I'm not gonna break, lover," he said with an unsteady grin.

Heero actually nodded. If Duo wasn't as torn apart by arousal and the damn need to get down to the real business, he might have rolled his eyes. He'd never understand why the hell Heero sometimes treated him like a fragile doll.

His thoughts ended quickly, swallowed back into his hazed brain as the familiar thickness strained against him. He could no longer look at Heero then; his eyes squeezing shut at the aching barrage of pain and desire. And he clenched around Heero, trying not to resist, but accepting, and finally crying out as Heero drove against that white-hot core of sensation. Now Heero's own guttural moans mingled with his cries, thunderously loud in their ears as they urged each other on to the edge.

There was no certainty who peaked before the other. Maybe Duo, his own yell all he could hear...maybe Heero with a long, low moan against Duo's neck. Duo did feel though, that blinding rush followed by hot spill over their bodies; Heero thrusting into him with one last, heavy stroke.

Tiredly, Duo closed his eyes, not even having enough energy at present to keep them open. The sheets were impossibly tangled around their limbs, and the air thick and heavy with their breathing. Duo wanted to fall asleep, especially now with Heero sprawled over him, tousled hair tickling his cheek. He did wish there was more time.

"...I have work, Duo."

Just a while more would be enough.

Heero turned away, pulling one sheet around himself. Getting up from the bed, he cinched the sheet around his waist. His belly still glistened with their spent passions.

"Heero..."

The Japanese man shook his head, heading for the bathroom. "I have to go."

~~~~~~~~~~

The sunlight was hot against his bare skin. Grimacing, Duo sat up slowly, his hair weaving all around his bare skin like ropes, and clumping where they irritate the most. He really should have kept it tied back, but Heero liked to play his fingers through his hair...Duo gave a self-deprecating laugh. Everything these days was Heero, Heero, Heero.

From down the hallway, the sound of the door closing made him jump.

That had been quick. Heero hadn't even said goodbye.

Annoyed with himself for allowing something as trivial as a goodbye to affect him, Duo got out of bed quickly. He headed out of the bedroom, bare feet slapping against the carpet-less floor. Along the way, he began gathering his hair into a loose ponytail, cinching it with the band looped around his wrist. He hummed a song whose lyrics he just couldn't remember.

It was a great day. It was a work day. He had a lot of things to do. The lists of tasks began running themselves through his head. He had reports to finish, he'd have to give a call to Hilde later, then he'd have to get to the HQ to take over the night shift...anything else...

A beep from the video communicator broke his reverie.

Turning on his heels, he went to the living room instead, grabbing his pants along the way. Just imagine the caller's response if she - or even a he - saw Duo Maxwell naked as a newborn babe. Quickly pulling his pants on, he blindly jabbed at the dial.

The screen flickered, and a face shimmered into view.

He recognised the blonde hair first of all. "Relena!" he blurted, almost surprised, but recovered sufficiently. "What's up?"

"Good morning, Duo," Relena Peacecraft smiled pleasantly at him, polite as usual even if she was looking at a Duo Maxwell with morning hair that looked more like a rat's nest. "I'm sorry to bother you so early in the morning."

"No prob," Duo waved a hand airily. "So, what can I do for the lady?"

She laughed at that, but grew more serious again as she gazed at him. "Can you help me take a message to Heero?"

"Heero?" Duo straightened. "Is something wrong?"

"Oh, no," she shook her head. "I know you're close to him, that's why I'm..." Very uncharacteristic of her usual composure, the young woman hesitated for a moment, before smiling awkwardly again.

Duo almost felt sorry for her. His relationship with Heero was practically an open secret amongst the ranks of the HQ. It had only been these recent months that Relena could even look them in the eye, and he knew it was still difficult for her to address the issue of his living with Heero under the same roof.

"Duo?"

"Huh? Oh, right, the message. What is it?"

"Can you remind Heero to show up for tonight's function? Missing the last one was..." Relena looked like she might have sighed, but it was inaudible over the transmission. "I know he doesn't think these functions are necessary, but he still needs to be present. There are *people* who want him to be present."

People? Ah, politics. Duo felt like groaning on behalf of Heero, then the words struck him. Hard. "Missing the last one? What do you mean missing the last one?"

Relena didn't look like she understood him. "Heero missed the last function. The one just a week ago? Last..."

"Tuesday."

"Right. Last Tuesday. He missed it, and I did tell him to be present. He said he had other matters to attend to, and he - you don't know about it?"

Duo felt himself shrugging carelessly, and a laugh escaped him. Then words escaped him without even his bidding. "Well, you know, we're all busy people."

"That's...true. Well...thank you for taking the message for me. Heero would - "

"Heero *will* attend tonight's function," Duo smiled so widely at her he thought his face would splinter. "You have my word."

"Good. Thank you, Duo. Goodbye."

Fingers mechanically shutting off the vid-comm, Duo sank back into the couch. Relena would never know of this, but her admission of Heero's absence at the last function was the last piece in the whole puzzle he had been slowly unravelling for the last few months. Exhaling slowly, he switched the vid-comm on again. From his back-pocket, he took out a mini disc and rolled it between his fingers. For three days, he had been unable to work up enough courage to play it. Now, it wasn't about courage anymore. He just had to know.

He slipped the disc into the slot.

The integrity of the video feed was dismal, but good enough for his purpose. It had been painstakingly retrieved after having been deleted. He stared at the screen, feeling the sting of irony. The only time Heero didn't managed to completely cover his tracks and Duo should be the one who discovered the loophole.

It was just a short clip, no more than twenty seconds. Just enough time for the blurry image of a dark-haired figure to stall, hesitate, and finally raise his head to say in a brittle, dead voice:

<It's over, Heero.>

Three words cloaked with so much emotion and warped with so much static, but there was no mistaking the voice of Chang Wufei.

If there could be an ending, then there must have been a beginning. No one person had full mastery over his mind, but if Duo was even remotely right about his own feelings, then what pained him most of all was not that there had been a beginning.

It was that there was a beginning, and he never knew about it.

He stood up decisively.

Relena had a message for Heero. And Duo was sure he had messages of his own to get from the third angle in this whole screwed-up triangle of screwed-up people.

It was time for him to go back to the HQ.

++++++++++

He saw the raised fist, and thought it looked like a knot of fury. How long would it take the fist to react and finally meet his face? Two seconds? Maybe less. He began counting in his mind.

One.

What was Heero waiting for?

Two.

Calmly, Heero lowered his arm and stepped away from him. "I'm not going to hit you," he said just as calmly...if acidly.

He leaned away from the wall, his back still throbbing where he had been shoved. He had expected the lashing out and Heero hadn't disappointed on that account. He had also expected, maybe wanted, to be hit, and that was where Heero read his intentions, and refused to follow the rules.

No, not rules. *Rule*. Just one of them. Strike if words fail.

"I will never," Heero said, his voice dropping a notch. "Agree to your proposal."

"Proposal?" he said quietly, almost disbelievingly. "It's not a proposal, Yuy. It is a conclusion. No, not a conclusion. A termination, if you would prefer. A termination to an agreement."

Heero Yuy was capable of rendering himself totally and completely emotionless, just as he was capable of reaching the other end of the spectrum with the most extreme emotions. His true anger was cold, merciless and knew no boundaries. Good. Better anger than pity.

"...and I don't need your approval," he finished, and he waited.

He thought he could actually see the gathering storm in Heero's eyes, but he was too slow as Heero moved towards him rapidly, crossing the distance with long strides and reaching him before he could even blink. Heero loomed before him, his presence almost suffocating in its intensity. Heero wasn't even touching him, but just standing before him, inches away, shoulder to shoulder, deep, haunted gaze boring right into his, and heavy breathing against his face.

Now...it had to be now! He felt like screaming for Heero to just strike him down there and then.

//Kill me, Heero. Like you should have before.//

"It was not an agreement."

Heero did kill him, although not in the way he had wanted. The confused, uncomprehending hurt on Heero's face was the weapon. The words, delivered in a tone so unlike Heero's and yet edged with pain that could only belong to Heero, delivered the blow.

"It was. It always has been, and it has to be ended." He hated the way his voice shook, and he hated even more the sting beneath his eyelids.

"No."

Listen to this! Heero Yuy actually sounded like a stubborn child. And like a stubborn child, Heero wrapped his arms around him in an awkward, yet demanding embrace as if it could change anything.

"Do you want me to show you something, Heero?" he jerked away, snatched a piece of printed paper off his desk and thrust it at Heero. "Look at this! Can you read it? Do you want me to read it for you? It says to ask Heero Yuy to please remember to attend the function tonight, at nineteen hours. Do you understand this, Heero?"

The silence from Heero only infuriated him more. Why wasn't Heero trying to understand!

"This means that Duo knows!"

The fax had come from the apartment that Heero and Duo shared. The writing belonged to Duo; even Wufei recognised the distinctive scrawls.

He watched Heero from strained eyes, with an even more strained mind. Nights of keeping awake and days of endless work were starting to take effect. He could hardly keep his eyes open but he did, and now his eyeballs felt like they were branded into his face. And with these eyes, he saw Heero's pain all too clearly, for it was reflected on himself. They were both unhappy. It hadn't been obvious to them at the beginning as they went through all the unhappy times and happy times. But eventually, the scales tipped more and more away from the smiles and the laughter, and now all they could remember was the pain. The least they could do now was not to add a third person to the equation.

It had to end. Everything had to end.

"Would you please go?" he gestured wearily to the door. "I have work to do, and so do you."

He felt Heero's arms around him for the second time and then, firm lips pressing to his mouth. He did not respond, only seeking the tiniest shred of comfort in the familiarity of Heero's kisses, and he moved away once that warmth was gone. He did not even turn to watch Heero leave his office, the door closing behind his silent depature with a startling sharp click.

The fax, he picked up again and read the words for the umpteenth time. Maybe if he weren't a Preventer, he could be a handwriting analyst. It was almost strange how Duo's writing resembled his personality. Airy, scrawly, clownish, yet all of those characteristic anchored by a seriousness not many knew Duo possessed. Perhaps pain too...pain stemmed back with admirable resolution, but overflowing with each stroke of each letter. He imagined Duo's trembling grip around the marker, the tip of the marker burning each word into the paper. Seized by a sudden wave of self-loathing, he crushed the paper and hurled it into the waste basket.

Outside his office, the sunlight was bright, almost unnaturally so, he thought. He lifted his gaze to that light. And it was strange how his office still felt cold even with all this sunlight streaming in from the glass panes. He found he didn't really care about how his eyes were hurting from the blinding rays. The sunlight always reminded him of D -

The sharp raps on the door couldn't have come at a worse time.

He whirled around sharply, heart skipping a beat. Taking a moment to compose himself, even pressing his palms against his desk to steady himself, he called out an affirmation of entry.

The door slid open quietly and a figure entered unhurriedly.

His eyes flew wide and he might have stumbled back, almost unseeing in his shock. But his hands held firm onto his desk.

"Hi," his visitor said with a breezy smile.

His fingernails were practically clawing into the wood. "Duo," he said mechanically.

"Wufei," Duo greeted him in return, the smile never leaving his face. "Shall we talk?"

~*~ fin ~*~
December 2003