Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Sky Arc ❯ Holding The Light - 04 ( Chapter 5 )

Holding The Light - 04

Pairings : 1x2, 1+5, OC+5
Rating : PG-13
Warnings : Yaoi, angst, romance
Disclaimer : Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu and associated affiliates, not to me!

Summary : Unable to let things rest, Duo is obsessed with trying to put things right, until Wufei shows him that the one really running away...is Duo. And could Wufei actually see a possibility in Anders?

Wufei lifted the glass to his lips. The liquid tasted bitter on his tongue. He barely noticed what was going on around him in the bar, except it looked like the one he and Duo had visited just not so long ago. Then again, all bars looked the same to him. He didn't pick this place; Anders did.

He raised his eyes and was instantly arrested by Anders' gaze. It was so blue, its cobalt depths seeming even darker under the lone glow from the hushed spotlights embedded in the ceiling. He looked away again, staring down into his drink. This was a mistake. What was he doing here anyway? He had allowed himself to be brought here by Anders.

That man was the wrench in the whole equation yet. Wufei tried not to but already the process of questioning and sleuthing had kicked into gear in his mind. Now that he actually put thought to the matter, it became apparent to him that the signs had all been there but he had been too caught up with working out his own part in the strange limbo with Heero and Duo that he hadn't noticed. Lately his recent assignments had involved Anders in one way or another, the last being the rather pained surveillance check.

"Is your head feeling better?"

"Aa..." Wufei murmured, before realising to some surprise that he was being truthful. That migraine had eased somewhat what he was sitting here conducting a mental monologue with himself.

"Maybe because you're no longer obsessing over Heero."

The flush deepened on copper cheeks. Wufei looked up sharply, but by then, his anger had already dissipated. For some reason still yet unknown to himself, he found it impossible to keep up any anger against someone who could just sit right there opposite him, nailing all his problems, carefully tearing down his defenses, while maintaining that characteristic half-serious, half-teasing manner.

"How do you know?" Wufei said instead, sinking back into his seat like all his bones could just melt into the leather. His fatigue made itself known at all the worst times - always. "We kept it from everyone."

"No. You kept it from people who didn't look deeper. Or didn't want to look deeper. I chose to find out."

"Why?" It just seemed natural to ask this at this point.

Ray Anders tilted his head, his dark-brown hair tumbling carelessly over his eyes, the curve of one cheek catching the light, lending a touch of striking beauty to his form. Leaning forward, he leaned his elbows on the table. There was a quiet smile on his lips. "Wanna find out with me?"

++++++++++

Sixty minutes of aimless searching and Duo was starting to feel really foolish. *What* was he thinking, taking off after Wufei like this? Christ. Although rash and impulsive actions were his shortcomings somewhat, he had probably just taken it too far.

The sky had already darkened into night. Fuck. He had been sure it wouldn't take long for him to find Wufei and Anders, but apparently, his sense of direction and his gut feeling were *both* off the mark.

But he still couldn't shake off that uneasy feeling that had clung to his insides all the way since he had first seen Anders taking Wufei away. Ok, so he made it sound like Wufei was some little kid being led astray by some evil man, but Wufei was like a child in many ways. Like Heero.

Duo sighed explosively and slapped a hand to his forehead. He was starting to confuse Wufei and Heero. Both men made his protective instincts go on overdrive. Fucking hell, Duo groaned inwardly. Playing protector would kill him one of these days.

But right now, he needed to get his bearings. He was in a rather unfamiliar part of town. Slipping into the streams of passers-by, he tried to look as inconspicuous as possible, something which he always achieved with ease, except right now everyone seemed to be staring at him as he past by them. Maybe it was his imagination, but it was hard to get over that feeling of the world watching his every step.

Lowering his head, Duo jammed his hands deeper into his pockets and hurried along, the welcoming thoughts of home beckoning in his mind. He was so deep in thought he nearly walked headlong into the patron that had just stepped out of one of the alleys that dotted the street.

"Watch it, Duo Maxwell."

Duo froze, before laughing softly and looking up, already recognising the owner. "Hi to you too, Anders."

The agent was a picture of unruffled self-preservation as he casually leaned against the brick wall, cobalt blue eyes appraising Duo with the coolness of the practised. A gentle curl of breeze lifted his hair, before it dropped back into his eyes. There was something so unearthly about his whole countenance now, that seemed to Duo that he might as well be a shadow on that wall. And just this alone, Anders was a complete transformation from the disarming, easygoing colleague in the HQ.

"Ahh...trying to guess me, Maxwell?"

Duo kept his face neutral. It wasn't a good idea losing his cool right here in the middle of a street. And he hadn't even seen Wufei yet. No way would he let Anders see the real extent of his uneasiness that was ravaging at his insides. No way in *hell*.

"What's there to guess?" Duo shrugged, sliding his hands into his pockets. "Anders, Ray. Aged twenty-three years, seven months, three days. Graduated top of the Academy with seven perfect scores out of ten. Joined Preventers at age nineteen and a half years. Made it to HQ at age twenty-two years, three months exactly."

"Hmm..." Anders' cobalt eyes widened, before crinkling up as he smiled. "You noticed."

That warmth in his eyes was the most unsettling, Duo realised with a start. For all this time as he stood here, having this strange and altogether directionless conversation with Anders, he had been trying to pin it down. Even as the answer struck him, that same cobalt-blue warmth dissipated, replaced by cool calculation. Chameleon, that was Anders. Which shade was he? Which mood?

"Where is Wufei?" Duo said calmly, letting the underlying weight of his tone carry all his warning to Anders.

"Is this an interrogation, Maxwell? Investigation? Because I believe you need proof of any possible misdemeanour on my part to do that."

Duo felt his jaw twitch. Anders was smooth. "Nah..." he broke into an effortless grin. "It's just a question."

"Ohh...which means I can choose not to answer. Can I ask you something too, Maxwell? What are you doing here, getting all hot and bothered about Wufei, when your own lover is waiting for you back at home? Won't he suspect something?"

Not only did that barb hit its mark, but the manner of ease and complete smugness with which it was delivered only served to pierce right into Duo's composure. His control was slipping dangerously. And fast.

"Don't tell me...you love Heero Yuy so much you're going to *help* him fuck around behind your ba - "

Anders' voice was choked off, ending with a laboured gasp as he was slammed back into the wall. An arm was jammed against his throat, grating viciously against the vulnerable flesh and cords. Duo leaned his face close, a sinister parody of intimacy, his breath ghosting against Anders' lips.

"Don't ever drag Heero into this, you fucking bastard." His voice was soft, laced at every inflection with threat.

Anders would retaliate, would strike back with fist. Duo wanted it with every nerve in his body. He could even feel his blood singing in his ears as he felt the corded muscles of Anders' throat straining under his arm.

Anders' arms dropped to his sides and he slumped against Duo's hold.

Duo almost recoiled in surprise. It looked like surrender until Anders' lips curled into a smirk that mirrored Heero Yuy's at his most destructive. "Why's...why's that, Maxwell?" he grated out between gasps and blithe chuckles. "You get Heero...I get Wufei. Sounds...sounds good to me."

"Because Wufei has no idea what you are."

Anders smiled. "Why don't you tell that to him yourself?"

It was probably seconds too late that Duo realised that something was off. Whipping around, he found himself staring right into a narrowed, obsidian gaze. "Wufei." The word slipped from his lips. Bad timing.

"What do you think you're doing, Duo!"

++++++++++

Noin tapped her fingers impatiently against her knee. Every second and then, she'd catch herself staring at the watch strapped on her wrist. It wasn't quite the time for the meeting yet, but damn, did she wish the other party was a little more attuned to the dash and hurry of the pace of life in HQ.

Heero Yuy had never been early for any meeting.

At the precise moment the digits read twenty-hours, there was a knock on her door.

"Come in," she called out, feeling uncomfortable already. If not for the fact that Une had to leave on urgent business and Zechs was still away on his assignment, there would be no need for her to play the cool leader right now.

"Noin," Heero acknowledged as he came up quietly to her desk and sat down opposite her.

Straight to the point. "Have you read the details?"

"Yes."

"And?" Noin probed. When the reply didn't surface, she looked up in surprise. It was not like Yuy to stall in his decisions. He was aware of her merciless scrutiny, she knew, although he didn't react to it. Instead, he just stayed motionless in his seat, eyes focused on something beyond her.

Noin gave him the precious minutes he needed. Had he been any other agent, she would have been putting his nose to the grindstone already. For the five ex-Gundam pilots however, she would make an exception anytime. Their years of fighting while facing the relentless onslaught of a universe so much older than their far-too-young years gave her reason enough.

At length, Heero's gaze was riveted back on her. In those minutes, it almost seemed like he had aged. This was a different Yuy, she understood at a glance. One that could feel, could hurt, and could care, even in this time of war-purchased peace.

"I cannot choose."

Her eyes widened imperceptibly, but before she knew it, her composure had slipped. "Why? Not like you, Yuy."

Silence.

"You know," Noin continued. "That we cannot spare both Wufei and Duo. You'd have to pick the more suitable one. I'm sure you have already assessed all of their strengths and shortcomings."

"Yes, I have."

"If that's the case," Noin could feel her annoyance start to rise. If anything, she hated wrangling over a decision. "I don't see what's the problem you're having deciding on a partner for the mission."

"I cannot choose," Heero repeated blithely.

Noin frowned, but she held her tongue. Somewhere during the course of the rather one-sided conversation, there was a certain resolution in Heero's gaze that she only noticed now. It was the same kind of resolution that made Heero Yuy the person he was. A simple, clear and single-minded resolution.

"But I have decided."

She remained silent for just a moment longer, before nodding and leaning forward. "Let's hear it."

++++++++++

Before Duo could actually formulate a reply, he was grabbed around the arm by a hard, copper hand and towed deeper into the alley.

"What was that all about, Maxwell?" Wufei was clearly seething. "Look at you. Preventers uniform. Identification strip all there. Do you have the slightest idea what a public assault of another agent could mean for you?"

If anything, Wufei's outburst drew a silent, irate shrug from Duo. Perhaps there was some expectation of a more explosive reaction from Duo, but no, just that bristling, impenetrable storm of emotion. Behind Wufei, Anders dusted himself off with cursory, smooth motions. Adjusting his collar, squeezing his neck as if to make sure it hadn't been snapped, all carried out as if Duo *hadn't* just attacked him.

"Dismissal." Wufei continued like he was giving a lecture on HQ discipline. "Maybe instant dismissal."

"Look," Duo finally spoke, his voice a steady leaden weight tempered with the unmistakable composure that only could be heard when he was at the limits of his tolerance. "I'm not going beat around the fucking bush, Wufei. We need to sort this out - by ourselves. Stop running away. And stop - please for fuck's sake - stop pretending everything's fine."

The expression on Wufei's face grew heavy, like a slowly-gathering storm upon his features. It probably mirrored Duo's own troubled demeanour. This was one of those ironically rare times, where they had never felt more distanced, and never closer to each other. Feeling the same kind of pain, wrestling with the same kind of tumultuous emotions, yet in each of their own paths of solutions, never reaching a consensus.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do, Duo," Wufei said at length, knowing that between them, someone had to break that weighted silence. "If you can answer my questions."

Duo nodded, shoulders easing from their tensed quivering. He seemed relieved, possibly even glad that Wufei was willing to be agreeable, and surprised. Probably he was recalling the last time they held a question-an-answer session in the drinking parlour. At that time, Wufei had been unable to stop himself from taking the guilt trip.

"You had Heero first, and I came later. Why are you doing all this for me?"

"I - " Duo faltered.

"I know things can never be the same, and so do you. Why do you keep wanting things to keep going back to the way they were?"

"I don't! I just - "

"You came out here wanting me to return to Heero just to keep Heero happy, even if it means you would be unhappy. Who's running away now?"

Duo was silent for a long time, and Wufei allowed that silence, hovered in it, waiting for the answers that he knew wouldn't be voiced. Then, bearing an expression that Wufei couldn't read, Duo's violet gaze shifted from him, to Anders who was still watching on quietly, then back to him. He stepped back. Just a little step, but it seemed like he was receding into the shadows cast upon them from the patterns of people and streetlight of the world around them.

"Don't look back," Duo smiled softly, and finally.

++++++++++

Wufei didn't say yes to that, but he did walk away. Beside him, Anders was a constant presence. Some part of him felt strange that there should be someone with him at such a time, but another part of him welcomed it.

The walking away was always the hardest. Resistance was easy. Pushing back when the other persisted, drawing away when the other pleaded. But this walking away, knowing that you were playing to your own tune when others had turned silent and the fear of what would become of you when you were alone, was the hardest.

Wufei did look back, but then he had walked so far he could no longer see Duo even if Duo was still standing where he had left him.

"Do you think maybe I overdid it a little?"

He halted in his tracks.

Anders was several paces behind, having stopped on his own accord. Now he smiled ruefully back at Wufei, a handful of locks already tumbling over his eyes as he bent his head towards his neck. One of his hands tugged at the neckline of his shirt, and Wufei finally noticed the rows of finger marks on his skin. Feeling acutely guilty, Wufei turned back towards Anders. As he neared, he could that the marks were already turning dark.

"Duo has quite a temper when he gets angry," he said awkwardly, knowing it wasn't much of an apology, and yet not knowing what else to say.

A pause from Anders, before he looked up. His face was solemn. "He's stronger than this."

Anders could be referring to Duo's physical strength of course, but Wufei doubted that.

Duo's stronger than this.

So true...Duo was the strongest among all of them. He tried to keep things going even when everything was failing, he tried to keep things *happy*. He just kept going and going, like all would be fine as long as he kept pushing. Wufei had looked back because Duo's presence was as strong and as bright as the light itself. That was the kind of person that Duo was, wasn't he? A spark that wouldn't go out, holding the light even when it burned him.

"Yes," Wufei replied, not quite remembering what he was replying to. He glanced up, noting the deep, blue eyes riveted on him. "Thank you." His gratitude ran far deeper than his two words of thanks. Without Anders' help, there was no way he could get Duo to let go.

"Do I get a reward for it?"

That made Wufei hesitate. He searched Anders' face carefully, overstepping all the points of similarity between those refined features and Heero's own. Other than the ever-piercing gaze and the benign, yet sharp expression that Anders always seemed to be wearing, he could read nothing into Anders' intention.

"Can I guess what you're thinking?"

Wufei raised an eyebrow. "If you can."

"I can't. But I want to."

So, that was the reward.

Anders stepped closer to him, his presence seeming to magnify and envelop that small space between them. "Would you let me?"

Wufei thought Anders might touch him, breach that distance and somehow reach him, but Anders stayed where he was. It was confusing and bewildering, how Anders always seemed to side-step his expectations. He turned, seeing the street that stretched out before him.

Then he turned back to Anders and nodded.

~*~ fin ~*~
May 2004

A/N : Yup, this is the end of the [Holding The Light] series. For the next part [Eclipse] in the Sky Arc - the focus will shift away from Duo a little more. I have an OCx5 to take care of. Plus, I think I need to explore why Duo and Wufei could love Heero as much as they do, and why. Thanks for reading!