Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Sky Arc ❯ Holding The Light - 03 ( Chapter 4 )

Sky Arc - Holding The Light 03

Pairings : 1x2, 1+5, OC+5
Rating : PG-13
Warnings : Yaoi, angst, romance
Disclaimer : Gundam Wing belongs to Sunrise, Bandai, Sotsu and associated affiliates, not to me!

Summary : After having given up Heero, Wufei must now live with his decision. The unexpected appearance of another man in the love triangle only plunges the situation into more chaos.

He had deliberated over his decision to head back to the HQ this morning. He wasn't sure if he was up to another full, hard day of work. Une would understand if he took a day off; it would be his first in long time. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken leave, and he knew no one else would remember either. At any rate, he was truly fatigued, and not the least bit helped by several nights of five hours of sleep max in all. The recurring memory of Duo kept him awake.

It was not so much of seeing Duo in his mind, but hearing and *feeling* him. Duo's energy and fluctuating emotions - unchecked for much of that fateful day - lingered long after they had both parted ways. It was like there was so much of Duo that some of him remained with whoever had been with him.

Muttering under his breath, he groped for his watch and held it up. Already late morning. Then he remembered. He had been so degenerated in the mind he had completely forgotten to call in sick to the HQ. Truth was, he was not even remotely ill. Obsessing over Duo couldn't count as an illness.

His mobile phone screeched so suddenly he nearly started out of his skin. Turning over tiredly, he grabbed and thumbed the annoying gadget.

The voice that spoke on the other line made him slightly more alert. He couldn't quite register it at first, until that same feminine voice snapped, "Are you listening, Chang?"

His lips curled in a dry smile. "Yes, woman," he returned the favour.

There was a pause, then a full, bright chuckle erupted from Lucrezia Noin. She continued laughing for a moment longer, before sighing self-deprecatingly. "You'd think I was asking for it."

"You were," Wufei reminded her. "So, what is it?" He considered getting up and getting ready to return to the HQ, but his body refused to move so he just lay there, mobile phone stuck to one ear and Noin's perpetually vibrant voice filtering in from the other end.

"Nothing much. Just personal concern for a fellow colleague. How are you?"

A frown gathered on Wufei's features as he thought that over. He didn't think missing a half day's work would be so earth-shattering that Noin had to call to ask about him.

Possibly mistaking his silence for confirmation of his dire physical state, Noin continued, the inflection of urgency in her voice getting more pronounced. "Hey, don't keep quiet. If you're really under the weather, I can get Sally to check you."

Wufei's frown deepened. "I'm not sick, why would I need Sally to check me? In fact, I plan to return to work after lunch hour." In truth, he had already decided earlier to stay in for the day, but now it was better to return to the HQ to prove he was all right, and not dying alone in his apartment.

"You're not? But Heero..."

Wufei bolted upright, his haziness all but dissipated. "What did he say?" he interjected sharply. Taking a deep breath, he willed his thudding heart to slow down, before continuing. "What does my absence have to do with Heero?"

When Noin spoke again, she sounded hesitant, uncertain of the unusually dramatic response from Wufei. "Don't get worked up, Wufei. All he did was apply for leave on your behalf. He said you needed to rest."

Wufei found his hand shaking where it was holding onto the phone. "He did?" he said with difficulty.

"He sounded really serious. And worried. So, I got worried." Now Noin sounded almost sheepish. "But if there's nothing wrong, why would Heero do that?"

His breathing was becoming shallow. //Maybe because Heero still cared.// He wanted to believe that. He couldn't afford to. "Preventers interests." His voice was hoarse, his throat dry. "I...wasn't feeling well last night, and he knows. Maybe he thinks I should rest so I wouldn't jeopardise any mission."

"I see." Noin sounded unconvinced. Wufei could practically hear the famed woman's intuition telling her that he was lying. "So, your leave - "

"Cancel it," Wufei told her, one hand already trying to pull his ruffled bedsheets back into place. "I'm going back now."

++++++++++

Someone else had taken over his nightly shifts at the HQ, so now he worked the day. Like Heero...and Wufei. He had asked Heero if it would be better if they reached the HQ at different times so they wouldn't look too conspicuous. He didn't understand Heero's silence after his suggestion, until he realised that Heero thought he was ashamed to be seen with him.

So, Duo quickly amended his careless statement, even going as far as to joke about who should be doing the driving to work, and in their relationship. Well...it was supposed to be a joke, except it absurdly got translated into reality and Duo had found himself sitting quiet and subdued in the car, with an equally grim Heero next to him in the driver's seat. Duo couldn't do much to crack the tension so he had settled for gazing absently at the bandages that were wrapped around Heero's hand.

"Duo."

He blinked, suddenly yanked back to the present. Someone actually found his secret place? Glancing up, he was relieved to see that it was Heero, and not someone else. The Japanese man was turning his head this way and that as he checked their surroundings. Duo smiled inwardly. It was just like Heero to be perpetually suspicious of the environment. Then again, he couldn't blame Heero for being uncomfortable. This was Block 99C62, viewing bay 10 of the private shuttle-port attached to the HQ by way of several winding blocks and walkways. Altogether a very remote location for a Preventers officer to be in.

Duo had sat here for most of his lunch-break, tucked away in a small corner between the looming grey beams of the viewing-bay panels. And he did nothing but stare at the taking-off and landing of the shuttles, the streams of workers milling about, looking like tiny ants from his view. Under the vastness of the skies, people were so insignificant. He had not been in space for a long time now...he had almost forgotten the feeling of being a tiny, tiny entity cradled in the velvet darkness of space.

"What are you doing here?" Heero asked.

Duo blinked again. Christ, it seemed he couldn't focus on reality these days. "Nothing," he said truthfully. Heero nodded, but Duo could see that his lover was dissatisfied with that vague answer. Heero didn't demand a more valid explanation however; he never did demand anything more than what Duo already gave.

He watched as Heero sat down opposite him, their crossed legs touching and resting against one another. There was a time when Heero had been afraid of physical contact other than one wrought about by conflict. He could kill with bare hands, but he was afraid of any other touch. It had taken Duo considerable time slowly peeling away those fears and inhibitions until he could take Heero into his arms. That feeling of euphoria of being trusted by the most dangerous killer among all the Gundam pilots stayed with him even till now.

He watched Heero angle his head to stare out of the clear glass of the bay panel. There was an almost childlike curiosity to his demeanour as Heero craned his head a little to better see what the people on the runways were doing. There was also a certain gleam to his deep-blue eyes as Heero then focused his attention on the shuttles, and Duo knew Heero missed the skies like he did.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Heero spoke without turning his head. Now he was staring openly into the sky, his blue eyes seeming even bluer as they reflected the azure of the heavens.

"I like looking at you like that."

Heero now turned to look directly at him. "Don't you have work to do?"

Well, so much for Duo's attempt at flirtation. "Yeah, but I'm procrastinating," Duo said blithely. "I don't wanna do anything today."

"Why?"

"'Cause of you."

The sudden paling of Heero's face caught Duo completely by surprise. "Sheesh, Heero, relax!" Duo tried to laugh it off, but silenced himself when he saw that the inexplicable expression on Heero's face was all real. "Hey...hey..." he reached out a hand, ignoring Heero's answering flinch, and laid his palm against a tensed cheek. "I was just kidding."

He felt Heero relax under his fingers.

"Ok, I wasn't kidding." Duo teased, once he felt that Heero had relaxed sufficiently enough. "You're looking so hot, every time I see you, I just wanna rip your clothes off." With that, he just continued grinning, watching Heero carefully for his reaction. He still had a hand cradling Heero's cheek, and he swore he almost felt a tingling under his touch, although Heero didn't blush. Heero never blushed. But Heero was capable of feeling shy, and this Duo was witnessing as he tried not to laugh at the uncertainty in his lover's cobalt eyes.

It was not until he noticed Heero's lips moving that he realised that Heero looked like he wanted to say something. Smiling tenderly, Duo began stroking the arch of Heero's brow with his thumb. "Wanna tell me something, Heero?"

"Duo."

"Yeah? Go on, I'm listenin'."

"Would you leave me?"

++++++++++

"It's about time, Wufei!"

He sighed inwardly as he halted in his tracks. So much for his original plan of zeroing in as swiftly as possible on his office, locking himself inside and not come out until the day was over. He turned his head, and openly grimaced when he saw it was none other than Noin again. One of these days, he shall analyse why this woman always managed without fail to show up at all the wrong times. Or call at the wrong times too.

"Stop giving me that dirty look. You're starting to look like that brat you used to be."

Honestly, only Noin ever had the audacity to refer to him in such a manner too. Wufei shot her a withering smile.

"That's better," Noin said agreeably now that she had apparently gotten up the upper hand. "You busy? No? Maybe you can give Anders a hand."

Wufei frowned. The situation was straying further and further away from the original plan. "What's the problem?"

"Nothing too serious...I hope. There's suspect of a security breach. He's just running a check now...troubleshooting."

"You want me to sit there and watch a day's worth of CCTV with him?"

Noin had the sense to look rueful at his outburst. "Well...you're feeling under the weather, it's most advisable not to strain yourself."

"I told you, I'm perfectly fine. If this is about Heero sticking himself into my affairs - "

"This is about you losing focus during assignments for the past eight weeks."

Wufei felt like he had just been slapped. Or rudely awoken to the real world. Noin's gaze was steely as she matched his glare. At length, he spoke again. "Is that how it is?"

"Yes, that's how it is, for now."

"Fine."

As he strode towards the security sector, Wufei thought he heard Noin calling his name, but he didn't turn back. Noin probably thought him the same insolent kid when they had first crossed paths when he was still a boy. Thick-headed, brash, arrogant, and every other term he had heard used on himself ever since he had swallowed his pride and joined the Preventers. The sad truth was, she was right. He hadn't changed much since the Wars; he was still as blind as he once was. So blind he had forgotten that no matter he went, and no matter what he did, he would always be shackled by the institution, and watched by the people.

He entered the office so abruptly he saw Anders visibly jump in his seat.

"Agent Chang!"

Quickly seizing his raging emotions and stemming them into a more controllable wave, Wufei nodded tightly back at his colleague. He was thankful that Anders made no mention about his high-strung state, even thought he had joined the Preventers only half a year back and couldn't have been all that familiar with Wufei's infamous temperament.

"Sorry you have to be stuck at this shitty job with me."

Wufei waved it off and sat himself next to Anders. As the man ran the surveillance disks, Wufei darted a glance at him. Anders back was to him, but even then, Wufei couldn't help noticing the rumpled locks of dark-brown hair that covered the nape of his neck. Wufei had heard everyone say it, but it was not until he was here, sitting so near to Anders that he actually realise just how much Anders looked like -

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

Now it was Wufei's turn to jump. Anders had turned his head fully to gaze back at him with a distinctly puzzled expression in his cobalt blue eyes. "Nothing," Wufei shook his head, focusing his attention back to the screens. Looked like Noin was pretty accurate in her assessment of his work performance. Lack of focus.

Anders stared at him for a moment longer, before relaxing into a smile. "To answer your question, yeah, I do have Japanese blood. It's from my great-great-grandmother."

Wufei blinked in surprise, at both that voluntary sharing of information, as well the nature of that information. "That wasn't what I was thinking," he said flatly. Still, he wished people would stop assuming his intentions.

A sheepish grin stole across Anders' handsome pan-Asian features. "Sorry. Just that I get that all the time. I figured maybe I should just wear a sign around my neck, you know."

It was hard to stay annoyed with Anders, especially with that rakish dark hair that always tumbled over his brows, making him look more like a boy than a Preventers agent. "A sign would help, I suppose," Wufei kept up the banter for a while, before retreating to the screens that panelled one side of the wall. "I'll check the surveillance on the east wings. What about you?"

"I'm gonna be done with the first-level sectors."

It was strictly work after that, the stillness of the office complementing the mechanical static and cackling from the monitors. Wufei kept his sigh inaudible as he watched the flashing images. It wasn't really a security breach, more like the remotest suspicions of a breach. Had this been serious, the HQ would have caught the breach and fried the intruder already. And had it been a network intrusion, he wouldn't have been assigned to the case. That wasn't his forte. Seemed like Noin had been truthful that menial jobs were going to be his workload until he pulled himself together.

"Agent Chang, can you take a look at the shuttle ports? Since we're checking everything anyway..."

"Sure," Wufei cringed inwardly, but refrained from snapping. It was not like he or Anders had a choice. The screens flickered, before focusing on the ports. He raised a hand, touched a series of pulsing panels, and he was visually transported into the ports. He scanned the various departments, ran the visual identification check over the employees. It returned an all-clear. He was starting to feel like his time was slowly wasted away.

"The viewing bays too, Agent Chang."

If anything, it surprised him Anders could be so enthusiastic about this 'shitty job'. So, Wufei switched the visual over to the viewing bays. Nothing. They were practically deserted. He watched the glowing green digital lettering as each viewing bay was quickly scanned. Four...five...

"Are you getting anything, Agent Chang?"

Wufei looked over to the other man, noted that Anders' attention was still riveted on his screens. Admirable enthusiasm. "No," he replied and turned his scrutiny back to his own monitoring. Nine...

Ten.

He blinked, arm already automatically shooting out to freeze the screen. He saw something. Brows knitting in a frown, he began slowly backtracking to whatever had caught his eye. He wasn't sure what he saw, but he thought they looked like intruders. The security breach was for real? Yet the identification check had not returned any message of possible un-identification.

There. Viewing Bay 10. Two figures almost out of range of the surveillance monitors. He scanned them again. The check okay-ed them, which meant they were part of the HQ. Well, it was still best to make sure.

He zoomed in on the image.

"I've been doing this the whole morning, and I've still got nothing. I'm starting to feel used."

He heard Anders' voice, but the words were nothing more than a blur of sound. It was like a wall was slowly closing in on him. All that echoed in his ears were the sounds of his own breathing, the irregular pounding of his heart, the ache behind his eyes as he stared unblinkingly at the image flickering before him.

He watched the two figures seated between the beams of the viewing panel. He watched their smiles, their little touches, every little turn of their heads as they sat there immersed in each other's presence. He watched as one of them lean forward to take the other in his arms. He watched the one who was embraced resting his head against the shoulder of the other. He watched them share a tender kiss.

"Agent Chang? You got anything?"

The second-level identification analysis was completed. The results flashed before his eyes in jarring blue.

"Agent Ch - "

"Nothing" Wufei interjected as he swivelled around in his seat. His chest was hurting with the rapid, shallow rasps of breathing that he couldn't seem to stop.

Anders was staring back at him with thoughtful cobalt eyes. "Is there something wrong, Agent Chang?"

"No," Wufei shook his head. He jerked a hand towards the dials, shutting down the screen, erasing the results, and willing with all his might that the glowing letters of HEERO YUY and DUO MAXWELL would disappear before Anders saw them.

"I see." Anders said slowly. His piercing cobalt eyes tracked towards the screen Wufei had been staring at, before riveting back onto Wufei. "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes," Wufei nodded quickly, wishing that Anders would stop looking at him in that way. He curled his hands into fists to still their trembling. Could Anders have noticed that too? "I'm going to continue the checks." He would have continued, and he certainly made the move to, turning the screens back on, but he halted again in his actions, feeling the heat of the other's gaze right on him.

Anders was still staring at him like he was trying to see right into his soul. Wufei chaffed under that scrutiny. Never had he been so aware of the effect of cobalt blue eyes could have on him till now. Wufei knew his face was burning, not just from the scrutiny, but from his helplessness at holding himself under that gaze. And those cobalt blue eyes just refused to let him escape.

"Stop looking at me like that, Anders," he bit out harshly.

"I believe I do know what you're thinking now."

Wufei gritted his teeth and turned back to his now darkened screen. Let Anders continue his observations. Wufei was taking no part in it.

"You're thinking that I look so much like Heero Yuy."

He jerked his head up, but before he could speak, Anders beat him to it.

"I get that even more than the mixed-blood thing. Seems no one can ever get over me looking like Heero Yuy."

"You..." Wufei managed with difficulty, trying not to get ensnared by those eyes again. "You don't - "

"I'm not Heero Yuy. I can be more than him."

A sharp pulse of anger coursed like electricity through Wufei, and he stood up. Too quickly. He felt light-headed. Already, he had lost sense of the direction the situation was taking. He needed to get back to his office. He needed to erase the images he had just seen, and erase whatever delusions Anders was going off on. He never even knew Anders *haboured* such delusions.

"If you want to forget, you can't keep running away."

Wufei turned his head slowly in Anders' direction. He kept a hand rested on the door, leaning his weight onto it like it was a lifeline. What was happening to him? His head felt like someone was drilling into it. He stared at Anders, who had also stood up and was facing him with such a gentle expression on his face. He looked so much like Heero Yuy. Everyone at the HQ knew that, even Wufei. But now, that resemblance was starting to pain him. The same unruly dark hair, the same eyes of the same cobalt shade, the same insistence.

What was Anders proposing? That he filled in as a substitute for Heero?

"Leave me alone, Anders," Wufei rasped thickly. "I was the one who brought everything upon myself, and nothing can change that." He needed to get away - now. The pounding in his head was starting to hurt so much it was a dull buzz around his mind.

"I can help."

Wufei closed his eyes, groped blindly for the exit slot. He had to leave before the world closed on him for real. Then he felt a firm, gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Let me help, Wufei."

++++++++++

//Would you leave me?//

That question had caught Duo by such surprise he was stunned into silence for several long moments. But Heero had been completely serious. His eyes, even darker and bluer in their intensity, held an expression that not even Duo could decipher fully. It looked like hurt, like hope...and like fear. It spoke of weariness, of abject incomprehension, and even of anger.

He had answered Heero the only way he knew how, curling his arms around Heero as if that could be reassurance enough. He wished that Heero had at least pushed for a verbal promise from him, but Heero hadn't. On hindsight, Duo wasn't sure if he could promise anything anyway. The only reason why he was still around was because he wasn't as self-sacrificing as Chang Wufei.

Duo grimaced as he yanked on his jacket with short, sharp movements. Sue him but he hated self-sacrificing people. Why couldn't they all strive for what they want? It angered him that he could only have what he wanted at someone else's expense. And most of all, it angered him because it made him feel that his feelings were cheap in comparison. It was like he was suddenly thrown back into time when he was still a street urchin, fighting and tearing just for the most miserable scraps of living.

Well, right now life was Heero Yuy.

Duo wasn't giving up just like that.

"I'm not leaving, Heero Yuy," he muttered to himself. "Not if I can help it."

His day was over, but Heero was still bogged down by a last-minute assignment, so he was leaving first. As he headed towards the first level, he wondered vaguely what he should cook for dinner. Heero ate anything and everything, that was the problem. Maybe pasta. The idea of rich, sinful lasagne sounded incredibly tempting at the moment.

He stepped out of the HQ, out into the open air. Vaguely, he wondered if Wufei had been back to the HQ; he had not seen the Chinese man for the whole day. The moment that thought had ran its course, he froze in his tracks.

Speak of the devil...

Wufei was just several yards away, but from Duo's position, Wufei wouldn't have noticed him. Wufei was still clad in his Preventers uniform, his ponytail was loose and the wisps of escaped hair around his face was a statement of the unrest that Wufei must have been weighed down with all this time. He seemed fatigued and every now and then, he would raise a hand to his head to rub at his temples.

Duo bit his lip, not sure if he should be spying on his colleague like this. More distressingly, the pangs of guilt that were starting to make themselves known were an even stronger reason for him to pretend that he didn't see Wufei and just head straight home. He still had dinner to make.

Yet there was something about the way Wufei was standing...it seemed he was waiting for someone.

The answer became clear just a second later when Heero stepped into Duo's line of vision. Duo knew his heart stopped beating for those seconds as he stared in disbelief as he watched Heero begin speaking to Wufei. Then, his eyes widened.

That wasn't Heero.

Yet, whatever relief that Duo might have felt paled as he tried to discern the scene in the setting light. He saw the man placing a hand on Wufei's shoulder, even squeezing it in what should look like reassurance. Surely Wufei would resist! The Wufei that Duo knew would never tolerate the touch of another stranger - and such a frivolous touch at that. To Duo's confusion, not only did Wufei not protest, he allowed himself to be steered by that man in the direction that had obviously been pre-planned.

Duo stepped out from his position, flexing his hands in helplessness as he watched the disappearing figures of the two men. What was going on? He knew that man. Ray Anders, a competent Preventers agent and whom everyone said could be a carbon copy of Heero Yuy, not just in his skills, but in his appearance. No way...Duo tried to regain control of his raging thoughts, but it was no use. Wufei had barely left Heero for a week, and now he was with another man! What the fuck?! And of all people...could it be because Anders looked so much like Heero? But...Wufei had the right to choose whom he wanted to be with.

It was ridiculous for Duo to feel as vexed as he did now. Wufei was practically the best hand-to-hand combat specialist among them, he could protect himself far better than anyone could. But the Wufei he had just seen was no longer the man he used to be, a complete shadow of his former self. More importantly, and the thought made Duo's insides clench. He could read people like a book, yet he hadn't felt any vibe that Anders might have towards Wufei...until just now. And he was wary of people he couldn't read.

Everyone said Anders looked like Heero Yuy, and it was true. Maybe Wufei allowed his defenses to be breached because he needed to pretend he was still with Heero. Maybe Anders had only harmless intentions. Duo didn't know. But what he *did* know was that for all of physical similarities, Anders wasn't Heero. It was as clear as that. Heero's eyes hid nothing. His emotions were as straight and as simple as a child's. Anders was everything else Heero was not, and that was enough reason for Duo to get moving.

In his hesitation, he had lost sight of them. But he pursued the path he had seen them take, his eyes scanning the streets for signs of Wufei.

It didn't escape him - the irony of himself chasing after the lover of his lover, but he could laugh at himself later.

Right now he needed to find Wufei. Fast.

Author's ramblings : Honestly, the fic took a turn for the unexpected. ^^;; And that is the appearance of Ray Anders. What do you think of him? This is the first time, I believe, I've allowed an original character this amount of fic time, LOL. At any rate, whether or not Anders will continue to play a significant part in the development of the story will depend on how my muses. Often I dunno how they think until I'm already writing it. ^^ And of course, feedback is most appreciated! ^o^