Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ So This is Love ❯ Blurring at the Edges ( Chapter 5 )

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, I do own five yo-yo's and a matchbox car. . .

Ban's rant and stuff: Okay, so I spent two days ruminating on this chapter before writing it because I had to figure out how far I really wanted to go with this. I copped out a bit, but that's because if I didn't the story would, by necessity, be much longer, and I didn't really want this to be a 3xR epic, so bleh.

Thanks to my reviewers again. War Dove, I'm sorry about your emotional Heero vs. Trowa crisis, but, it can't be helped, like you said. I'd write a 1xR for you to make up for it, but, well, I don't think I've ever written a canon couple fic. . . it would just be such a strange thing to try. I'm not sure I could do it. *pouts* I am going to write a Heero x somebody fic though soon, to make up for making him so sad in this fic. `cause well, I kinda like Heero. Okay, I like all the pilots, actually, so I don't like making any of them sad, but. . . but. . . but. . . well what'cha gonna do. 1xR though. . .hmm. . . I'm drawing a plotline blank, but I'll consider writing a canon fic, just for you, stickin' with me through the angst and all.

Nabiki, so glad that I've managed to pull you over to the dark side! Hehe. Canon couples are cool, but I can only read so many of them before it all seems to be the same stuff. I like the Heero/Relena thing just as much as anyone, I think they're great together, but I get a kick out of making up odd pairings and seeing what I can do with them, and I dunno 3xR is sorta sweet, in it's way, though it's not exactly what I'd call an obsession.

Uh. . . yay reviews! On with the story!

~~~

"So this is Love"

by: Banshee Puppet

Chapter Five: Blurring at the Edges

~~~

"Sometimes I Forget Completely"

Sometimes I forget completely

what companionship is.

Unconscious and insane, I spill sad

energy everywhere. My story

gets told in various ways: a romance,

a dirty joke, a war, a vacancy.

Divide up my forgetfulness to any number,

it will go around.

These dark suggestions that I follow,

are they part of some plan?

Friends, be careful. Don't come near me

out of curiosity, or sympathy.

~~~

Heero was brooding. If Duo could see him now, he was sure he'd be accused of pouting. Relena was ignoring him. He'd become accustomed to her way of following him around, thought it would always be that way, and now, he missed it. He missed it a lot. He loved her, after all. Just because he had trouble showing her that he did, didn't mean that he didn't. It's just, he had work to do. But, he didn't want to lose her to Trowa either, so he decided, something had to be done. Trowa had left three days ago and now they were alone. It was the only chance he would get and he knew it, but he didn't know what to do. It was late and he strengthened his resolve. He knew if he couldn't tell her, then the only thing he could do was show her that he loved her.

Getting up from his laptop, he headed to her room. She might be asleep already, but if that was the case then he would just have to wake her up. He wasn't prepared for what he found.

It was a hot night, so Relena slept atop her comforters with the bedside window open. Her pink nightgown that would normally fall almost to her ankles was bunched just above the knees and she stretched languorously in her sleep. Pink lips slightly parting in the moment and tongue darting out over them. Heero swallowed hard. Maybe this wasn't the best idea, but it had to be now.

He moved to her bedside and brushed the hair from her eyes gently. "Relena," he whispered, hardly able to hear his own voice, it was so soft, sounding so nervous. Her face leaned into the touch and he swallowed hard. "mmmn…Trowa," she whispered.

Heero's lips curled into an angry sneer, his eyes growing dark. "No," he stated in hushed tones. "Relena," his voice grew a little louder, as he bid her, "Relena, wake up. There's something that. . . you need to know." But she didn't hear him, only curled into his touch deeper. "Trowa," she whispered in her sleep. "Love."

`No. NO!!' Heero's mind hissed. `Don't say his name! Say my name, Relena. Say MY name!' Some unforeseen combination of anger and lust seemed to take over him at that moment as he pressed his lips down on hers in a bruising kiss.

Relena's eyes darted open and she gasped. `Heero! What are you. . .!' He forced his tongue through her slightly parted lips, and in panic, she tried to push him off, weakly started punching his shoulders and chest, but he was too strong. `No! Stop! Heero, what do you think you're doing!'

When he pulled away she darted to the corner of the bed between the corner and the wall, the furthest away from him she could get.

"Heero, what do you think you're doing?!? Go back to your room."

"No," he stated, his eyes boring through her in a way that made her feel naked as she wrapped her arms around herself and curled her knees up to her chest.

"No? Heero, what's wrong with you?"

"I want you to know," he said, moving closer, but she found she couldn't get any further away from him, and unconsciously tried to curl deeper upon herself, inhaled sharply.

"Heero, seriously, go back to your room. You're scaring me."

He was right next to her now, running fingers through her hair which she slapped away. "Stop it!" she demanded.

"Relena. Please. I want you to know. . ." he whispered hoarsely, taking her cheek in his hand a little more roughly than was necessary, holding her steady and forcing his lips onto hers again, angry that she didn't respond, just tried to push him off and whimpered slightly, this time keeping her lips pressed firmly together so that he couldn't press his tongue through again. It made him angry, angry that she didn't want him, angry that it was Trowa who's name she called out in her sleep. Just angry in general, because he wanted her, wanted her to love him back, wanted it all so badly that it hurt. He moved his hand and manipulated her mouth open, but when he got his tongue through, she bit down on it.

In the stunned moment when he pulled away, Relena tried to get away from him, hurrying off the bed and towards the door.

But he got up and after her, shoving her roughly against the wall and slapping her without thinking. "That hurt!" he snapped at her. "Don't do that again."

The predatory look and her throbbing face was too much for Relena, she started to whimper, tears falling out of her eyes. "Heero, stop, please," she said through choked sobs.

"Don't cry. Stop crying," he told her. "I just want you to know. . ."

"Then tell me!" she demanded angrily. "Just tell me, whatever it is!"

"I CAN'T!!!" he hollered, his grip on her right arm tightening unconsciously.

She let out a sharp yelp from the pain. "Heero, stop it, that hurts," she begged.

"Relena I, you have to know," he tried to be reasonable, but his mind was swimming with confusion, lust, anger, love. He nuzzled her neck and kissed her throat.

"Let go," she begged.

"What is it, about him? Why do you call out his name," he whispered. "Instead of mine."

Relena gasped.

He looked up and glared into her eyes. "Tell me! Answer me!" he demanded, but she only whimpered slightly.

"Heero, stop it. You're hurting me," she begged.

"Hurting YOU! Hurting YOU!! What about hurting ME! What about MY PAIN!!?" he demanded, letting go of her arm only to punch her with that hand. She toppled over, banging her left shoulder into the dresser.

"Why do you call his name!" he asked again, tears starting to leak out of his eyes.

"Because I love him," she answered.

"NO!" he snapped. "You can't love him! You're wrong!" He was shattering, his heart, his chest hurt and his knees gave, knocking him to the ground. He wrapped his arms around himself, and breathing heavily, he looked up at her, his eyes changing suddenly, some hint of desperation in his eyes. "Not him," he whispered.

Sensing that the worst of it was over, Relena got up, wincing as she did so. It hurt, her hand, which she'd used to break her fall, she couldn't move it, and she couldn't open her right eye all the way. "Heero. Get out," she said, voice still quivering slightly.

He heard Wufei's voice in his head, "I'm serious Yuy, don't do anything stupid." `I guess this is what he meant,' he thought bitterly, unable yet to move.

Relena sat down at her vanity, turning on the small lamp there and seeing her bruised face, examining it slightly, her eye already starting to swell, her cheek already starting to purple.

After a few moments of shivering silence, Relena asked steadily, wiping the last remnants of tears from her eyes. "Heero. Why?"

"Because I love you," he said hoarsely. "And because you love him. It makes me sad, and angry, and I still love you and want you and. . . all those feelings became so complicated. They weren't one feeling anymore, there was just so much blurring at the edges and I. . . I didn't know what to do. It hurts so badly. I just. . . I heard you say his name in your sleep and I. . . I wanted it to be me, to be my name. I wanted you. . . I wanted you to know that I. . . I wanted it to be me. I love you."

She turned angrily on him. "This is love," she demanded, gesturing at her injured face. "THIS is love." She stood. "Heero. I'm leaving to go see Sally. When I come back, I want you to be gone," she stated, grabbing a sweatshirt and a pair of jeans from her drawer and opening the door. Bright light flooded into the room.

"When was it, Relena. You loved me once, I know you did. When did I lose you?" he begged for an answer.

Without turning around she said coolly, "it wasn't one day, one time Heero. It was so many days, so many things. I couldn't wait forever. You need help," she said flatly, with just a hint of pity and the shadowy silhouette of her figure disappeared down the hall.

In the bathroom, she changed into the clothes she'd gotten out, wincing at the pain in her left hand, her right arm, grimacing as the cloth rubbed across her sore cheek. She leaned against the wall for a moment and let out a sigh of relief. `That could have been a lot worse,' she thought. `I got really lucky.'

`I just wanted. . . I just needed. . .' Heero shivered in spite of the heat. And in some sort of panicked haze, he dialed the number of the only person he knew he could still rely on. . .

"Heero? Do you know what time it. . .? Heero, what happened?!?" Wufei stated, his throat suddenly dry as he saw his friend's tear-streaked face.

"Wufei I. . . I did something stupid," he whispered, mouse-like. "I did something really stupid." He wrapped his arms tightly about himself, feeling so. . . he wasn't sure exactly how he felt.

With a sigh, Wufei leaned back in his chair, gesturing off-screen to Sally to get him some coffee. "Alright," he said after a few moments. "You'd better tell me everything."

~~~

well, that was angsty. I really debated a lot with this chapter. It was harder to write than the earlier fluffy ones, because, as you can see, it could have gone a VERY different way. Double the angst if it did. But as I started writing it, I decided, unless I wanted this story to become a trowa/relena epic, this was the best way to go. And I haven't got time for epic-writing just now, so…this was the choice I made.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what'll happen in the next chapter. *chews lower lip* It's a 3xR, so I don't want to go too much into Heero's present issues, but at the same time, I don't think I can just ignore them completely at this point so uh, we'll just have to see. Anyway, guess that's all for now, so r&r.