Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Some Way Back ❯ Appetite Lost ( Chapter 3 )

~#~ = flashback

#*# = scene change

~and words in between~ indicates thought

Some Way Back: Appetite Lost

The courier came and took the envelope Duo handed her to Une. Duo fidgeted as his friends read through his reports…he couldn't think of anything but the rain outside and his face took on a far away look as he idly ran his fingers over the rings and remembered.

~#~

On rainy days we go swimming out
on rainy days, swimming in the sound
On rainy days we go swimming out

It was raining and Duo was looking out of their bedroom window pouting, his hair out of its usual braid, since he rarely slept with it in one anymore…Heero seemed to enjoy wrapping himself in it and then working out the knots for him in the morning. The form in the bed on the other side of the room moved and grumbled…only coming awake when it realized there was no hair or warm body to burrow into next to him.

Propping himself up on his elbows Heero scanned the room for his lover to find him kneeling on the love seat in the bay windows and pouting out at the rainy weather there. The only time he had ever been able to feel at ease with himself and…feelings… was with Duo.

"Ne Baka? Its cool out… come back to bed and keep me warm." He almost melted when Duo turned those beautiful big violet eyes back on him. They were full of disappointment and he motioned to the weather outside the window.

"But Hee-chan… it was supposed to be fine today…we were supposed to go to the beach…you promised…"

Duo adored the beach and knew Heero knew this too.

Heero smiled and left the bed to walk across to his lover…not minding in the least that his body was completely naked…and knowing that the only reason Duo didn't appear to be naked was that waterfall of hair covering him. Locking his arms around Duo's waist he molded his body against that of the boy in his arms…gasping as the long haired boy wiggled into the touch. Bending down he kissed the nape of Duo's neck, who in turn arched his neck a little giving Heero greater access.

"How about a deal my baka?"

"Mmm …deal?" The longhaired boy's voice was already taking on a husky tone and Heero knew it would be an easy deal to strike.

"Yeah… a deal…I get to ravish you now…right now…and you get to drag me off to the ocean…in the rain…like I know you want to…" All the while the dark haired boy was placing strategic kisses all along Duo's neckline…where he knew the boy was sensitive. He would win… but only because he knew Duo would let him.

Duo grinned…"I agree…ravish me…" and he giggled as Heero picked him up in his arms and carried him back to the bed catching his mouth in a passionate kiss…

~If only people could see him the way he is when we're alone…but he is mine… all mine…it took me ages to get him this way…~ But all thought fled his mind as his lover moved with slow and practiced ease down his body and took him into his mouth…

~#~

"Duo?"

Duo started out of his daydream…immediately commanding his mask into place properly and hoping the things he had been feeling hadn't been showing on his face…which he knew to be over expressive.

Quatre was looking at his friend curiously…a little confused. His empathic abilities allowed him to sense strong emotions…but there was nothing coming from his friend…which could only mean he had closed down on his feelings…tighetened control so that nothing leaked out… or worse, that he had simply locked feelings away. The blonde boy was worried and that worry increased even more when Duo smiled that empty smile up at him. He only knew it was an empty smile because he knew the braided boy so well. He frowned at Duo.

"You ok Duo?"

"Yeah … of course I am Cat… you know me." He laughed and it even sounded fake to his own ears. "I was just thinking about some things is all."

"Oh well… I finished reading the report…I have heard about this GHD…vaguely, probably because I haven't been paying much attention to affairs lately." The blond looked a little sheepish…"I can use my corporations contacts to look into it if you like?"

"That would be great Cat… I need more information than I have but I am going to be busy following as many of the ghost trails as I can…its going to take me a while…but I can hack them…Don't have Heero to rely on anymore… gonna have to take some responsibility myself for once." This time the laugh was a little bitter and Wufei frowned at the long haired boy and walked over to stand next to him… vaguely noting that they were the same height…around 5'8", whereas Heero had hit 5'10" and Trowa was an easy 6 foot… Quatre had remained the smallest and barely grown at all since the war…measuring in at 5'5". His eyes on a level with the American he looked into them seriously, noting the lack of usual warmth replaced by sheer determination and will power. His usually low estimation of his comrade rose a few notches…the boy had more honour than Wufei had ever given him credit for…and it seemed he was not going to let the death of his mate go unpunished.

"I'll look into the weapons supplies to them…their dealings on the black market." The Chinese boy's voice was as quiet as it always was, but Duo heard more respect in it than he had ever heard before and his eyes softened a little.

Trowa stood and came over to join them. "There are a few things I could do…You've already covered their weapons supply and more detailed information on them and their connections and what they are about…We need information on their financial situation and their networking systems."

Duo nodded. "I will be trying to trace the apparently untraceable back doors that have been hacked into our system. They seem to know our every move, at least lately… and that is not a good thing. I would call it a leak if I thought someone would actually do that who belonged to our organization…and maybe I am being too optimistic and am only wishing no one would do that. There are too many inconsistencies…ones you don't see at first…that could be a program error but for the fact that this system should not have those…not when you consider Heero and I wrote it."

"You want to use this room Duo?" Quatre looked at him expectantly.

"Yeah… we have everything that we should need at our disposal here."

"Ok… If there is anything…specialized we need we can get it with or without the Preventers help…I still have a lot of connections." Quatre grinned at his friend wiggling his eyebrows in an attempt to get his friend to smile a little less fakely. It worked… to a certain extent, before Duo lost himself in a few thoughts and frowned slightly seeming to forget that his friends were in the room for a moment.

He looked up before Quatre could try to read him and the smile slipped back into place. "Well then shall we get to work?"

Quatre nodded but took Duo by the arm. "Yes we are going to get back to work…but first…we are going to go and have some lunch Duo. You need to stop printing out reports with such small print…its already noon!"

Duo smiled a thankful smile at his friend…"Yeah come to think of it…I am starving."

Wufei rolled his eyes…"Why doesn't that surprise me…"

Duo grinned at his friend. "Oh come on Wu-man…you should know me well enough by now to know I can always eat anything anywhere."

Wufei just looked at him, groaned and followed the other three to the cafeteria.

#*#

The thing was Duo didn't eat…and Quatre wasn't the only one who noticed. Oh sure the boy filled his tray, but all he did was pick at the food he had placed on it swirling it around and occaisionally taking a mouthful.

"Eat up Duo…you wont grow big and strong playing with your food."

Duo grinned. "Guess I am not as hungry as I thought I was ne?" If Duo closed his eyes he could almost believe everything was like it had always been…that everything had gone back to normal…but the grunts that Heero used as an excuse for conversation when in public were missing, as was that presence that he so dearly craved, and it was all Duo could do to stop himself from falling into that deep pit of despair that was a gaping wound in his heart.

Quatre looked at his friend startled when he felt a wave of depression roll over him…but it was gone almost as quickly and he wondered if it had really been there. Duo opened his eyes and looked at Quatre, mouthing `I'm fine' to the smaller boy.

"Well enough dilly dallying boys…lets get cracking." And the four of them made their way back up to the room…Duo never ceasing to play with the rings on his fingers.

#*#

While the former Gundam Pilots gathered in the cafeteria Une, Sally and Zechs gathered in Une's office.

"He is reacting instinctively." Sally was using her clinical tone of voice. "I am still trying to figure out whether that is a good or a bad thing…his…carefree attitude…seems to have been…I just don't know." She shrugged.

"He is harder to read now…but is still always smiling. But it's not the old Duo…despite everything he actually seems to be serious now. I mean…he is still himself…but at the same time…" Une shrugged as well…"I just hope this wont backfire."

Zechs moved restlessly. "Losing your life partner can crush you, make you do desperate things…or as it appears to be in Duo's case…make you want to find and kill whoever hurt them. But I do get the feeling he will utterly destroy them. Which has really been the main aim all along, hasn't it?"

The women in the room nodded.

"Well then… I will fulfill my part of the bargain, like I promised… I will be there if he needs me…to talk to…or whatever…and though I cannot guarantee that he will let me help him, it is the best I can do."

#*#

As the four remaining Gundam pilots approached the Duo's system room they noticed a man leaning against the door, waiting for them.

Duo frowned as they reached the door. "What do you want Zechs?" Although Zechs was technically just under the director in authority of the preventers, Duo had never accorded him the respect that he was due, probably mainly because of the roles Zechs had had in the war. Besides Duo never actually accorded anyone else other than his friends respect…in his eyes, no one else had earned it.

Zechs sighed…this was not going to be easy. "I came to see if you could use any help." Duo looked at him skeptically…and then shrugged. "Sure…I guess…" He opened the door motioning the others to follow him inside the room. Once there he picked up a printed list and handed it to Zechs.

"This is a list of all of the last missions Heero went on or was supposed to go on. I need his reports on all of them, and I know he files reports even when he doesn't go on one of them for any reason. I also need the mission information files, the names of who worked on gathering the information and their personal files. If you do not get this information for me I will hack it myself…it might waste a few hours of my day…but I can always sleep less. If you really want to help this is a start."

Zechs nodded once, accepted the list and left the room.

Duo let out a sigh. "I don't know if I should trust him…" It was almost mumbled under his breath. His friends had seated themselves , each at one of the computers in the room.

"Um Duo?" Quatre was getting sick of being the one to ask all the questions but he guessed someone had to do it.

Duo looked at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Um… password would probably help."

Duo laughed…a proper laugh. "Sheesh… you guys have known me for what… four years? And you don't know what my password would be?"

"Shinigami?" Wufei thought it was too obvious…and he was right… Duo shook his head.

"Nope…try again."

"Well you wouldn't be silly enough to use Deathscythe…" Trowa was pondering…Duo couldn't believe they didn't know it… Heero would have had it in an instant.

He sighed dramatically. "Come on… it's my catchphrase guys… and only you guys have ever been around me enough to know it."

A smile dawned on Quatre's face and he typed in a password and was rewarded with access. Turning around he smiled at his friend and lovers. "I run, I hide, but I never lie."

Duo clapped his hands. "Bingo Q man!!!" And he sat himself in front of his two main systems. "Now shall we get to work gentlemen?"

The boys each faced the screens in front of them. Duo had a hand on each keyboard, fingers flying; eyes flicking back and forth between screens, he became immersed in the world he was searching through…braid bobbing as he moved.

Quatre observed his friend from time to time. He had never seen Duo work like this before…he had never known he was capable of it. Oh of course he had known Duo wasn't as stupid as he made himself out to be, there was no way he could have piloted Deathscythe if that were the case. But this was amazing…he had never even seen Heero work that fast. He frowned as he watched the violet-eyed boy. Duo was changed, was pushing himself…although he could still be that easy going happy chatty boy the world new and would probably continue to be so to the outside world…the young blonde somehow knew that the Duo he was seeing now…was the Duo that the MS pilots saw before the Scythe cut down through them. His heart was gone…torn out of his chest when Heero's was…and although Quatre couldn't feel the pain he knew that Duo was focusing so intently on his self imposed mission for a reason. If he didn't he was going to tip himself over the edge…the Duo he was seeing now, was a silent cry for help, a silent question of why. He would have to keep an eye on his friend…he didn't want to get so close to losing yet another of his friends.

Duo lost himself in the screens…letting himself go like he had been taught to all those years ago…but like he had rarely ever done since. It was almost like being possessed by the Zero system. You felt more than saw the virtual world in front of your eyes. Every little detail could imprint itself on your mind…every slight variation remembered to be gone back over later. All he could see was what he had seen that morning…but there was something there…something he wasn't quite touching on even though he had already delved down about 6 layers. It looked like he was going to have to go deeper and he was just about to prepare himself to do so when he heard the door open. He turned in surprise, as he hadn't even heard the knock. Glancing at the clock he realized it had already hit 6 pm and he was no further to solving his problem than he had been. Apart from knowing that he had to go deeper he really hadn't accomplished anything except for clearing the other layers of needing investigation. Whoever or whatever was doing this…was damn good at hiding their tracks.

He looked up to see Zechs walk in, arms full of files and disks. A little taken aback the braided boy stood up and smiled cheekily. "Gee thanks Zechs… prompt and efficient work I see…" His eyes scanned the reports and he placed them next to his computer glancing at the disks. He turned back to Zechs. "You still want to help?"

Zechs just nodded.

"Fine." Duo flashed a grin, which then remained plastered to his face. "How are you with computers." Duo almost laughed at the offended expression on the tall man's face. "Sorry sorry… stupid question ne?" Duo took a breath. "Then come back here tomorrow at 0800 and start going through these disks for me. I need any inconsistencies you can find, anything out of the ordinary …really anything at all, even if you don't think it could be important, I need to see it…let me be the judge of what is important and what isn't." Braid swinging behind him Duo turned to look at the array of computers in the room…His two mainframes and 5 supported Computers. He frowned thinking…and turned back to Zechs. "I need a tracer…at least one…probably two…and another two computers…hmmm make it three…make them good ones. If I need to run diagnostics on programs or conduct searches on programs…I don't want to take one of the working computers out of action."

Zechs nodded…realizing that this Duo was amazingly different…and now understanding why such a complex man as Heero Yuy had loved the longhaired boy so much. Never a man of many words Zechs didn't say much then either. "I will see you all in the morning then…But I will obtain the computers before I leave tonight…will you still be here?"

Duo laughed… "I wont be leaving at any time in the near future." Zechs just nodded.

"Very well…till then." He left the room.

Duo turned to see Wufei's eyes boring into him.

"Maxwell…you are coming home and you are eating with us."

Duo laughed. "No Wu-man…as a matter of fact I am not. I am staying here…I have a pull out bed, a bath and a kitchenette."

Quatre suddenly understood. If Duo went back to the house he would be torn down yet again. All the resolve he had managed to find would crumble as soon as he smelt anything of Heero's or saw anything…or was reminded of too much.

Trowa was frowning. "Duo … I really don't think that is such a good idea…I mean…"

But he was cut off by his smaller lover.

"Its ok Duo… they're just being over protective. Anything you want me to bring you?"

Duo smiled at the blonde gratefully. "Yeah…some more clothes and well…my pillow hehe I love that pillow…" A shadow passed over his face, leaving the pain bare for a minute. "Actually on second thoughts…just the clothes will do ok?"

Quatre nodded…"You sure you want us to go right now?"

"Yeah…you guys have done enough for now as it is…besides tomorrow is going to be a long day… and the one after that…and after that…" He laughed without feeling it. He knew it was going to take him more than a few days to work this all out.

Wishing his friends goodbye he closed the door behind them and leant against it, finally letting some of the exhaustion he felt wash over him. Gingerly he pushed himself away from the door and walked back to his computer…knowing it would take Zechs a couple of hours to get all the computers together.

Immersing himself in the screens once again he let himself go. The seventh layer was bringing him closer to an answer, but it had taken a long time to get into…so many hidden paths in that layer it wasn't funny. He frowned as he saw it again…fleetingly…almost transparent…he frowned…finally able to discern a little more identity from it…but still…he had know idea what it was. Was it a worm, an infiltration program…what exactly did it do…or what was it supposed to do. Maybe it was meant to distract someone looking so deep. His eyes lit up as he realized this was very possibly the case. With something trying so hard not to be obvious…as if someone was trying to hide it…there could very well be something that was more obvious being overlooked.

A very loud knock startled him out of his concentration. As he stood up to open the door his eyes fell on the clock again… ~Shit 10pm already~

It was Zechs with the computers, as Duo had known it would be.

Zechs didn't have a clue what he could say to the boy. ~If he was just being his old self I could manage it. If he hadn't erected that wall I would have no problem breaking through to him…but like this…its almost impossible…there has to be a way, a promise is a promise~

Deep in thought Zechs hadn't realized that he had pushed his long sleeves up a little, revealing the twin scars on his wrists. He stopped as he noticed Duo was no longer moving…and was instead staring at him.

Abashed Zechs looked away, for the life of him not understanding why Duo looked at him like that.

"This is what you meant when you said you understood me?" That usually obnoxious voice was soft and gentle.

Zechs blushed as he realized why Duo had been looking at him…he was embarrassed. "Yeah…" He shrugged. Duo caught his hands and looked at Zechs…feeling a bit of trust growing to the man. The ex OZ member had been reaching out to help him because of a similar experience and Duo had knocked him down for it…had thrown it back in his face…and despite that Zechs had persisted.

"Sorry Zechs." Sorry was the last thing that Zechs had expected to hear from Duo and he looked up into those violet eyes to see them bared and reflecting more pain than he had ever thought possible for the human soul to hold in it. ~What have we done to him~ Zechs couldn't believe what they had done…that they had caused this man so much pain and he was still going to help them…as if he had walked into a trap set just for him. He hoped that with time Duo would forgive them all…though he seriously doubted it.

"No Duo… I am sorry… more sorry than you could ever know. But if you need me…I am here to help…even just to talk to."

A rare sincere smile spread across Duo's pained face. "I know that now Zechs…" he turned around and looked at the computers speaking softly. "I am sorry I doubted your sincerity before." Because he was looking at the computers Duo missed Zechs flinching at his words. "Come on … lets get to work." The exaggerated obnoxious tone had reentered Duo's voice. Zechs heaved a sigh of relief and set to helping the younger boy with the set up of the room…constantly amazed by the amount of energy that he displayed.

The hooking up of the computers into his mainframe was finished by midnight and Duo actually had to admit that he was exhausted by the time he pushed Zechs out of the door telling him to get some sleep or else he would be useless the next day.

Having been awake for more than 24 hours probably didn't help Duo's energy levels any. So he opted for a shower before curling up in bed.

Letting water fall over his body seemed to soothe him… and it took all the energy that he had left to push out the dark and depressing thoughts that were trying to engulf his mind. Cleaned and not caring that his thigh length hair was only towel dried and uncombed he climbed into bed and curled himself around the blankets. Before he fell asleep he allowed himself one indulgence. He imagined Heero wrapping his arms around his body and holding him tight. As a tear escaped his eyes he swore. "I will find those bastards and destroy them Heero… for making you break your promise."

Unbeknown to Duo someone was paying a lot of attention to him…and watched as he drifted into a fitful sleep.

~~**~~

To be continued

Reviews appreciated…I enjoy improving on flaws…and I know my grammar and spelling are atrocious, but I honestly tried really hard to edit it before I posted it…Just no outright flames please