Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Some Way Back ❯ Thoughtless Scheming ( Chapter 8 )

~#~ = flashback

#*# = scene change

~and words in between~ indicates thought

Some Way Back : Thoughtless Scheming

For the first time in weeks Duo woke practically refreshed. He stretched his arms above his head and looked up at the ceiling…and frowned. It looked like one of the ceiling tiles had been moved. The dust lines were slightly out of synchronization with the metal supports. But he shrugged and decided he was going to get an early start, and stop worrying about insignificant little things. Almost jumping out of bed he released the override on his door, made his way into the bathroom and brushed his teeth. Singing one of his favourite songs at the top of his voice, Duo began to brush his hair…resisting the urge to head bang and thus defeat the whole practice of brushing it.

"And my hate will not be bound, I will not be ground"

"Duo?"

"By your thoughtless scheming." Duo looked up to see Sally standing in the bathroom doorway…face white as a sheet.

"S'up Po-girl?" He grinned…trying to lighten the mood, not knowing what the hell had made her look like she had seen a ghost.

"Oh…nothing…I…its just…we were worried about you." She sounded lame even to her own ears.

"No need to worry about good old Duo." He tapped himself on the chest and grinned again…"I am always fine Sally…you should know that…everyone else does." He quickly braided his hair and glanced at his watch. "Early Sally? Why do you look like you've just seen something you never wanted to see, or never thought you would see again…I mean I can understand it…I am gorgeous," ahh that mock bravado always served him so well. "And I understand that if you've had a secret longing for me, this might seem like the perfect time…" She blushed and smiled. "See Po-girl…" Duo continued to smile at her. "Smiling really isn't that hard…" and he pushed passed her to make his way to his clothes and get changed. Sally followed him and sat at a terminal, waiting for him to get dressed.

Lost in her thoughts Sally vaguely noticed that Duo went into the bathroom to get dressed. She was too caught up in the song Duo had been singing. Had he really meant it…maybe even on a subconscious level? "By your thoughtless scheming". Did he know what they had done? Had he found out?

Duo startled her by settling a cup of coffee at her elbow. "Was my singing really that bad Sally?" Duo almost sounded sincere and Sally really didn't want him to think that that was what had startled her.

"No actually Duo…you don't have a bad voice at all…"

"Oh wow…I need to get you to say that when Heero…" He stopped, checked himself and took a deep breath; and then plastered that grin on his face that made Sally think that she hadn't seen that intense look of pain a few seconds ago. He continued as if he hadn't slipped up at all. "I like singing…eases tension…"

"I just think…I have heard that song somewhere before."

Duo grinned…happy someone took an interest in his music, while that logical part of him analyzed and frowned at the fact that what Sally was saying seemed to be forced. "Of course you should know it…There was this band like way way long ago…an earth band…called Korn…and well that's one of their songs: Thoughtless. I have everything they ever wrote…they so rock! You like metal Sally?"

"I never really thought about it…just the words sounded familiar." She had no reason as to why, but the smile suddenly didn't reach Duo's eyes anymore. The grin was still plastered to his face, but that was about it.

He laughed…and Sally shivered at the sound…"Yeah the words are rather…fitting don't you think?"

She was shocked…didn't know what to say…how did he? "How…I …don't know what you mean Duo…"

He shrugged and seemed to deflate a little, but just a little…when he looked back at her Duo's eyes were back to there crazy happy idiocy everyone was used to seeing. His words belied his eyes. "Well when someone is supposed to love you more than life itself, and goes out of their way to be a fuckwit and get themselves killed through thoughtless actions…you don't love them the way you did anymore…You in fact…hate them. So the words are kinda fitting Sally…If Heero walked through that door right now and said…"Surprise Duo… you're on candid Camera" I would personally kill him myself." He grinned as he motioned a gun shooting the thin air. "I may be a Practical joker and a bit of a dickhead most of the time Sally…but I do not take well to people screwing with me. Heero fucked up in the worst possible way. I will never forgive him for making me hate him." He got up and walked over to pour himself another cup of coffee.

Sally stood…she needed to get out of there. Her head was swimming with thoughts. Maybe they had been wrong…maybe he had been pushed over the edge…she had always believed that Duo was actually much stronger than he let on…but maybe that strength was yet another of his masks. She looked at him as she approached the door. He hated Heero now, blamed everything on Heero…but she couldn't help remember what he had said the day before

"Of course any day where you get to make life a living hell for the people who made your life turn into a worthless pile of shit and a poor excuse for existence…is a good day in my book!"

And she shivered. It hadn't just been Heero…and once Duo was finished destroying the people who had literally taken Heero away from him…Sally was afraid he might snap and set about taking out the people who had helped that happen.

"I have to go Duo…will send you those files."

Duo turned…eyes shrewd for a minute before the smile fell into place…"Sure thing Po-girl. See ya later" As she left the room he frowned. How had she known the code? He was going to have to change it again. Something wasn't right there…something just wasn't right. Coffee in hand he walked over to his computers and unlocked the mainframe, booting up all the other computers as well. He sat down and flexed his fingers…and waited for the files to be sent to his terminal…debating idly if he should just hack and get them from her system.

#*#

Sally ran into Quatre almost directly outside Duo's lab. "Oh Hi Quatre!" She made herself sound more cheerful than she actually felt. But Quatre wasn't exactly the sort of person that you could pretend that type of stuff to. He was an empath…he could feel her turmoil.

"Sally what's wrong? Duo upset you?" He looked at her, those big blue-green eyes full of sympathy and feeling, delicate hands clutching a small container with pill bottles in it.

Sally frowned and forgot her thoughts. "I'm fine Quatre…what's in the container?"

"Oh…" Quatre replied nervously…he wasn't good at lying but he had promised Duo. "Something to help Duo sleep better." The resolve in the blonde's voice was confident…he had managed to answer the question without the need to lie.

Sally raised an eyebrow. "He needs that many bottles for that?" Her voice was skeptical.

Lowering his head Quatre beckoned her move closer. "Um and to help him go to the toilet … you know…"

She blushed and got a little flustered. "Oh…sorry…See you later Quatre…I have to send some files to Duo…"

Quatre was please with himself…he hadn't lied…after all one of the labes did say that exceeding the prescribed dosage could cause the drug to work as a laxative.

#*#

Opening the door to Duo's lab, Quatre juggled the container in his hands. Duo only turned around when he heard the door close, and raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"Cat? No one else with you?" A little concern shadowed Duo's face.

Quatre blushed. "I wanted to get these to you…and um well…lets just say Trowa and `fei are a little put out with me at the moment…they have to make do with just each other this morning." He grinned impishly.

"Awww Q-man you could have stayed…a few hours either way isn't going to make much of a difference." Duo eyed the bottles, trying not to be disgusted by the fact that these things helped him to be "normal", well as normal as an ex-gundam pilot was ever going to be.

"Yeah…I know Duo…but…you sounded like you needed them so much last night…and you depended on me to get them for you. Makes me proud that you depended on me. You don't have to just depend on yourself you know…you do have friends." Cat moved behind Duo and began to massage his friends tense shoulders.

Duo sighed and closed his eyes. Quatre was like the little brother he had never had…and pretty much his best friend. "I know Cat…I know…its just hard for me…you know?"

"I know Duo…but you really need to stop this whole Duo against the world thing." The blond boy took a deep breath and plowed ahead, hoping his friend wasn't going to react badly. "You don't have Heero anymore Duo." The muscles beneath Quatre's hands tensed. "You don't have the person you used to depend on for everything. But you do have friends who I hope have become more than that. Trow, `fei and I are your family Duo…and we are here for you…please don't push us away."

Duo sighed…he knew Quatre had a point, but hated admitting that he needed anyone…ever. "I'll try Cat…it's all I can do… I'll try…ok?"

"That's all I ask Duo…" The smaller man hugged his friend's shoulders. "So…you going to tell me what these pills are for D?"

Duo tensed again, and when he spoke his voice was rough. "You probably already showed the pills to Trowa Cat…he'll know what they are."

"Actually Duo… I just told them that you needed something and I had promised to take it to you."

Duo looked up at his friend in surprise. "Oh…"

"I wanted you to tell me yourself…why do you need them so much Duo…why?"

Staring at his hands, Duo pulled himself away from Quatre's massage and hunched. He didn't want to talk about it, but Cat deserved to know…he had done Duo a huge favour. "I…if I don't take them Cat, I lose it. I become unpredictable…well more so…my mood swings become even more drastic…and I become extremely violent…just like you've seen in the past few days."

"So you need these pills to help…you not change moods?" Quatre sounded a little confused. He was really trying to understand his friend.

Duo sighed…trying to simplify it in his mind. "They…help balance me out…help me not switch moods as often as I would without them. You all think I am so euphoric all of the time…you really have no idea. Suffice it to say…with the help of those pills…I am the Duo you all know and love." Duo couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice as he spoke the last words and his blond friend flinched. But he suddenly didn't feel bitter…he felt lost and alone and the next words he spoke were so soft Quatre had to strain to hear them. "Those pills help me be the me I want to be…and not some dark, homicidal maniac Q…"

Big violet eyes gazed up at Quatre and the smallest of the Gundam pilots saw pain and anguish reflected in them…and something else…a complete sense of lost hope. Quatre couldn't stand the pain in those eyes. He reached out his arms to Duo and suddenly found his friend hugging his chest and letting out great huge sobs. He just stood there and let Duo cry.

Duo couldn't help it… he needed so badly…it needed to come out…he hated crying with a passion but he felt like he was going to explode if he didn't let it out soon.

Drying off his eyes after a little while he glanced up at Quatre. "Thanks Cat…Can…can this be our little secret? I don't want everyone to think I am going to break…because I'm not…I just needed to…"

"Let it out?"

Duo nodded. He glanced at his watch and realized the others would be there very shortly so he stood up to go and wash his face with cold water in the bathroom, and take his pills. Quatre sat down at his computer and logged himself into the system.

Duo reentered the room just in time to see the others arrive. They were armed with breakfast and were setting it up on the conference table.

"Hey guys…how is the morning treating us all then? Me I am famished…I guess I kind of forgot to eat yesterday, ne? So what did you bring for me huh? What! No Hamburgers…that is so not fair." He winked at them, violet eyes bright, face flushed. The medication always made him more hyperactive at the start of the day, and not having had them in a while probably hadn't helped. He fidgeted as he ate and it was all the others could do to watch him and just answer his questions as best they could.

"So Zechsy…" Duo failed to notice the blush that caused as he was busy stuffing his face with as much food as possible. "Did our little friends cough up any useful information at all? I mean when I download that nice file that Sal has there waiting for me is it going to have been worth my while wasting three bullets on that good for nothing piece of shit." And that smile never left his face.

"Yeah…I am thinking it will be Duo…though it's not that easy…you're still going to have to hack and trace into the systems. They don't know the big boss, they only know the small fish that ordered and paid them to do this." Zechs was concentrating on his bread roll.

"And just how much did the bastards get paid…wait don't tell me… I will find out myself in a few."

Duo walked over to the terminals and began to work at them. Checking his inbox, he opened three separate files and began searches for key words in each of them. Then he organized correlation tables to pick out the information between the three that was probably true and probably false, then he set up a search track the voice profiles and see the inflections the voices gave certain information so as to ascertain whether more importance was stressed on something or not. About to set the searches in motion he paused and turned around. The others were watching him again…it was irritable.

"Well? I didn't eat yesterday and I am done with food…turn on some computers guys…I need to use a station to run this research. I don't have time to use mine for it. I need them for other things."

"Sorry Maxwell…its just kind of strange to see you being industrious." Wufei walked over and began switching the remaining systems. "Need the tracers?"

"No…not yet…but switch them on anyway… will probably need them later."

"Same password?"

"Yeah…same password `fei"

Zechs tried to look as if he wasn't hurt by the fact that he was the only one in the room who couldn't boot up the computers because he didn't know the password that everyone else seemed to. He guessed that it made sense…he had never been that close with any of the Gundam pilots, and to be completely honest…the fact that he had also attempted to commit suicide was probably the only reason that Duo was allowing him to be there in the first place.

All computers on, Duo transferred his searches each one to three of the spare terminals.

"So any luck on anything else guys?"

Trowa flicked his bangs so that they only covered one eye instead of the two. "Well…give me a few…I left my terminal on at home so I could dial into it." The room was quiet for a few minutes. "There…files transferred to your terminal Duo…Basically it covers affiliates and allies of GHD…since Quatre is taking care of deleting their financial backing so to speak…I am trying to simply find out everything I can about them and their operations. So far I have been able to get a few definite names that are involved, all who are fairly small fish…or at least appear to be. But there is one name in there that keeps popping up…though in no direct connection I can find yet."

Duo's eyes were racing through the reports while he was listening to Trowa and his heart shaped face frowned. "I see…"

"You do? I mean you see who I mean?"

"Yep…I do…" His face closed off and he began to work furiously at the keyboards to either side of him.

"Trow?" The blond was curious as a cat.

"Mmm?"

"Well who is it?"

"Its…"

Duo cut in… "General Habito."

"Oh…him…um I thought he was supposed to be retired."

"Just because he is retired Cat, doesn't mean that the bastard can't still be trying to get his fingers all dirty."

"Point… I guess…"

"Do you guys have enough to do right now, or do you want something more…cause that can be arranged if you like." Duo managed an impish grin at his friends.

"You're like a school teacher Duo."

"Awww Cat…I didn't realize you cared so much." He got a bread roll to the head for that effort.

The room spent a while in silence, that is silence apart from the constant click clack of the keyboards, until the three terminals performing searches decided to beep. Never pausing a second in his work Duo spoke. "There ya go Zechs…you can stop whatever it is you're searching for now and go over those please…with a fine tooth comb if you don't mind. Names locations and inflections of importance…I want everything."

Zechs didn't need to ask for names and locations of what…he wasn't that stupid.

More keyboard click clack time passed and again Duo broke the silence…his voice was…exasperated.

"Quatre…you're never going to find anything if you keep watching me and not touching your computer."

"How did you?"

"I got used to hearing six keyboards going…it's kind of obvious when one stops for any length of time."

"Oh…"

"Well…spill Winner."

"Well you see…I was just wondering…" And as Quatre was usually want to do, the whole problem he was having came tumbling out. "Well I have never seen you work like this…not even half as efficiently. Never…and I have known you for a good many years now and to be perfectly honest…Well Duo… I would never have thought that you had it in you at all, not that it's a bad thing that you obviously do have it in you though. You usually try to avoid hard work, you laugh everything off and you are never serious, not even when its about life or death. I love you dearly as one of my best friends but sometimes it got a little annoying that you never took things seriously. This seems to be so easy for you…I always thought this was Hee's area of expertise." Finally, his little tirade finished, Quatre stopped and watched his friend.

The only thing that made him realize that his friend had indeed heard him was the slight frown that creased Duo's face. His fingers never stopped moving over the keyboard. But then it seemed like he changed his mind, and he slumped a little and stopped typing; turning to face his friend he ran a hand through the bangs that covered his face and sighed.

"You know…Heero…the perfectionist…the perfect soldier. Do you guys have any idea how competitive he was? I mean do you really?"

"I just thought he was competitive like the rest of us." Quatre's voice was quiet.

"He used to want to be the best at everything…as if…if he wasn't then somehow he had failed his training. It's probably one of the only one of his Perfect Soldier traits that he kept until the very end. Infiltration and computer hacking, to put the easy term to it, were always my specialties and we all knew that. I was the one to get all the operations where those requirements were extreme. But Heero…lets just say he loses his temper badly if he thinks he has failed his training. So after the war, where I didn't have thousands of lives resting on my actions…I made sure I was always half a step behind him." He sighed again…a sadness coming over his face that made Quatre regret having asked the question. "Do you have any idea how hard a balance it is to maintain? When you love someone, you don't want them to lose respect for you. So I couldn't be much worse at things than him or I would lose his respect. But I also couldn't be quite as good as him or better, because…" His voice cracked, and he had to take a few deep breaths…"Because then he needed to learn from me…and his training would kick in…no one was supposed to be better than him…he was the ultimate…perfection."

"I'm sorry Duo…I didn't …"

Duo grew angry then…as it all came out. "No Cat! There is no reason for you to be sorry…He has to be fucking sorry."

"I don't get it Duo."

"He knew what I could do…even though we played our little games…he knew what I could do. He knew all he ever had to do was ask me to help and I would…he'd even managed it a couple of times before. But no…not this time…THIS time he had to go and be the perfect soldier not letting anyone help him, when I could have done this with my eyes closed and one hand tied behind my back. How long was he doing this? Almost two years? It's taken me in a matter of days to find out more than he did in a matter of years. He was a stubborn, fuckwit and a gorgeous, loveable man…who chose this…he chose his death Cat. None of this: but it was an accident; none of this: But Duo he died in the line of duty…I don't give a flying fuck if he died protecting people or not. The simply fact of the matter is that he didn't have to die, if he had been able to look past his stupid fucking pride and asked me to help him. There is no way he ever loved me enough…no way he ever loved me like I love him, because his life would have been more important to him if he did. He promised me Cat…don't you understand…he promised me he would always be here, and he would never leave me. He fucking lied. He fucking lied to me. And I will never forgive him…and never stop hating him."

Duo's face was flushed and unshed tears shone in his eyes as he looked at Quatre.

"I still am sorry Duo…I really am…"

"I need some fresh air…I'll be back in a little while…"

Quatre let him go…looking after him as he closed the door…

"It's ok Quatre…" Arms slipped around his waste and held him tightly as his two lovers comforted him.

Over in the far end of the room Zechs sat staring at the screens not seeing them. Suddenly he couldn't stand it anymore and got up…He walked to the door calling over his shoulder. "Be back soon…need to grab a few files."

#*#

The door to her office flew open and Une looked up to see Zechs entering.

"We have to talk."

"What about Zechs?"

"Just get Sally in here…NOW!"

Une complied as Zechs was seriously upset by something…upset or angry…or perhaps both.

Sally came in a few minutes later to find Zechs pacing like a caged lion.

"Do you have any idea what we have done?"

The women looked at him questioningly.

"No…either you don't know or you don't care…and if it's the latter you are going to have me to deal with as well."

They blanched.

"All he ever needed to do was ask Duo…and we wouldn't have had to go through all this."

"What do you mean?" Sally's voice sounded a little unsure of herself…and Zechs couldn't help but be pleased at that.

"Duo knows how good he is. He only ever had one compunction…and that was competing with his lover. And the only reason he had that compunction was because he didn't want to lose the man…and because Heero has a very bad temper and apparently an amazing right hook if what I managed to gather is true."

"We know he wouldn't compete with Heero…that was why Heero was removed from the equation Zechs…we all know that."

Zechs flinched at the cold heartedness of that statement.

Une carried on. "We needed Heero out of the way so that Duo could work his magic to the full extent of his abilities and close this ring for us."

Zechs lost it. "You're not even fucking listening. Duo has helped Heero before…all we ever had to get Heero to do, was to ask the man he loved for help. I am sure the security of the nation would have been a good enough reason for even Heero to push his pride aside. We never had to take it this far."

Sally was pale. "He would have done it if he was asked?"

"Yes damn it… I just heard him pour his heart out to his friends in that computer lab…He's gone outside for a walk."

"Heero volunteered Zechs…you know that…he did this too."

"I don't care if Heero volunteered or not…His lover thinks the bastard was too caught up in his pride. Duo hates him and what was taken from him and most of all he resents Heero for being the one to be too proud and allow himself be taken away from Duo." Zechs calmed himself down and took a few deep breaths. "He is excellent at what he does…probably the best in the world and space…but he is young and he was in love… I don't think he will ever recover…"

"You know…you're probably right there Zechs…I bet you the odds I will recover are fairly slim…but I bet that all of yours, by the time I am finished with you…will be worse."

All three of them turned to see Duo standing in the Doorway.

~~**~~

There we go…tadaa… couldn't resist…just couldn't…the chapter wasn't originally going to end like this but hell it just flowed and I can change my mind…

Reviews muchly appreciated.

~Arith