Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Some Way Back ❯ Violent Tendencies ( Chapter 9 )

Having major instances of Writers block at the moment…sorry it's taking longer to get the chapters out now…Everything is running around in my head having a field day…and I keep getting more and more ideas…but I don't seem to be having any luck lately writing any of it down on paper. They're all mumble jumble thoughts. But I will get there I promise … Oh ya to reiterate…I don't own them… if I did…the anime would have been Yaoi /snicker…and I don't own anything hehe

WARNING…angsty…really angsty…again

Hope you enjoy this chapter

~#~ = flashback

#*# = scene change

~and words in between~ indicates thought

^^song^^

Some Way Back: Violent Tendencies

Gun held out steadily in front of him like the trained killer he was, Duo softly closed the door behind him and entered the room. Ahhh, an ode to the drugs that helped to clear his mind.

"So…who wants to go first…" An uncomfortable silence met his question.

"I mean honestly guys…if you're going to have a discussion like that, make sure your fucking door is closed…because you just never know…I don't know…maybe the wrong person could fucking walk past and hear you." He smiled sweetly and leant himself against the wall, watching them, hands out in front of him as he took an accuracy stance opposite them. "Oh and don't worry your pretty little heads about me… I am perfectly capable of standing in this position all day long."

The silence stretched out…and Duo grew impatient. "Come on people…not in the mood right now…needing explanation…finger getting itchy and cold steel always did cure that itch the best." His smile was eerie.

Zechs could hardly get a word out, he was that shocked, but he tried anyway. "How…How much did you hear Duo…"

Duo sneered…an almost evil look passing over his face…as he cocked his head to one side. "Oh nice…I hear a heap of shit I about myself and my dead lover and you are asking me if I heard too much…nice one Zechs…but since you all ask so nicely…hmmm let me think." He pretended to think very hard… "Oh yes I do believe that verbatim it was as follows." And he proceeded to mimic Une's voice almost to perfection. "We know he wouldn't compete with Heero…that was why Heero was removed from the equation Zechs…we all know that."

Zechs paled, he had hoped that Duo hadn't been there to hear that.

"You forget people…infiltration" He tapped his forehead with one hand before replacing it back on the gun…"I had to be good at being not seen and not remembered…probably why I talk so much when not on missions. But that's besides the point now isn't it?"

"So let me see…From what I can gather…Heero wasn't good enough to hack through these systems and get the information you needed about or from this organization?"

Three heads in the room nodded.

"Ok so you spoke to him and he agreed that in the best interests of the mission I needed to be brought out of my shell enough so as not to be inhibited by the fact that I avoided competing with him as much as possible. The only way you could all foresee doing this, was to remove him from the equation."

Again three heads nodded.

"And my darling Heero, decided he would do this for the good of the mission?"

Another three nods.

"You fucking pricks! No really… you fucking pricks!"

They flinched and Zechs took an involuntary step towards Duo. But Duo focused his gun on the man and let a quiet shot fire into the wall next to him. "Not another step Zechs." And he answered the question in those ice-blue eyes with a grin. "Silencer, guess we really do have something in common…the men we loved blew themselves up for the good of other people, never once giving a thought to how much we might hate them afterwards. At least Treize died in a war! He didn't die being a stupid fucking proud wanker."

He was breathing harshly then, seeing red and trying to make himself calm down. The violence was creeping up on him and he knew he wouldn't be able to control himself for much longer…the shock had been too great for him. They watched him…scared to move…scared to do anything.

He spoke through clenched teeth. "Clear the gym now…" Une Hesitated. "Its either the gym or you guys…and I need you guys…you are going to be as used as an old dish cloth by the time I am finished with you and you are going to like it. Zechs go get into sparring gear…I need a live target." He watched…keeping an iron grip on himself, which wasn't easy. Zechs had flinched…but Duo's heart was only full of one thing at that point in time…and that was anger. He needed to hurt someone and Zechs was going to have to do…he was one of those people that had betrayed him…and he was going to pay.

Une finished making the call and had a wary eye on Duo.

Duo laughed and it sent chills down everyone in the rooms backs. "Don't worry…there are things you can do for me that I need you for at the moment guys…relax. There's only a need to start worrying if I finish this and become bored…because never forget it…next to him and the people that killed him…you are the reason he is gone…and I am nothing if not thourough." He smiled at them again…and none of them doubted where they stood…they were alive because they were of use to him…he didn't trust them anymore and they most certainly were no longer his friends.

#*#

Zechs walked down the halls, nodding to the people they passed, knowing that although Duo had put the gun away, the young man was still perfectly capable of killing him, as tightly wound as he was at that moment.

Duo responded to people as he passed them, automatically saying whatever it was that their snippet of conversation required him to. His mind was tighly controlling the anger that he felt inside. Something was going to snap…he knew it. Absently watching Zechs walk in front of him, he decided that it wasn't a good idea to snap a fellow preventer's neck, so as they drew nearer to the now empty gym, Duo sidled up next to the blonde, and flung a hand casually over his shoulder.

"Hey Zechs…you might wanna go get changed into something more comfortable from your locker…I will be busy for a few minutes." He looked at the man meaningfully, and let go of his shoulders as they entered the gym.

Zechs didn't look a gift horse in the mouth, and headed towards his locker to get some training gear out, mildly wondering if Duo was going to change.

Duo walked over to the punching bags, flexing his arms, and feeling a slight pull in his injured left one, noting to himself that he needed to favour it. He was angry…and as he loosed the first all he saw was red.

The poor unsuspecting punching bag never knew what hit it as Duo laid all of his anger at his fellow preventers; at GHD and its bosses and most of all…the anger he felt at Heero into it. Fast and hard punches rained into the bag, followed by a flurry of kicks. Then he started combining them till the sweat ran down his body, till his hair dripped with it. One final roundhouse to the bag spelt the end for it. As it crashed to the floor Duo's eyes finally focused on it, surprise covering his delicate heart shaped face as he bounced on the balls of his feet, adrenaline still coursing through his body.

Zechs watched the longhaired boy as he fought, suddenly realizing the reason for those strangely shaped pants he had always worn; they allowed him free movement. Duo could "train" at any time of the day simply because his clothing allowed him free body movement. As the bag came crashing to the ground Zechs flinched and wondered if Duo knew how strong he was.

Violet eyes scanned the room coming to rest on Zechs. He smiled at the platinum haired man…the smile empty of all mirth. "Spar." It was all he could say…all that Duo could bring past his lips…the only coherent thought he could seem to form right then.

Now Zechs was in no way shape or form a bad fighter. He was in fact rather good. But apart from Heero and Wufei…no one else could beat Duo, and then the success rate was only 50%. He was just too flexible and too fast, and he knew how to concentrate his strength to just the right degree to inflict the exact damage he wanted.

The circled each other, fighting stance ready…eyes locked on each other. Duo moved first and the fight was on. It was all that Zechs could do to fend off even half of the blows…and he was lucky that he almost managed to dodge the second half of the blows. As to retaliating…Zechs didn't have a chance. His entire concentration was being used to fend off blows and keep himself from being beaten to a pulp. Duo was beyond reasoning.

Duo didn't even have to think about the moves he was using. Old training took over and he simply fought. He had become better over the last four years…his relationship with Heero had forced him to…It was only vaguely that he kept reminding himself that he needed to pull killing blows; that the man in front of him was someone who should be kept alive because he was useful. That cold, calculating, violent side of him viewed Zechs as a means to an end and would therefore preserve him for that reason alone. The fight went on for a fair while, Zechs's reflexes becoming slower and forcing him to take more hits. After being knocked to the ground for the fourth time…he stayed down. Duo never kicked a man while he was down, so Zechs knew that he was safe. He reached a hand to his face and felt the blood from his mouth…and then tested his ribs…a few of which he was sure were cracked. He watched Duo from his safe zone on the ground. Watched the sanity return to his eyes…the anger seeped out and that habitual grin replaced the emptiness in that face.

"See Zechs…you're still alive…told you I needed you." The smile was fake…Duo was only barely keeping his aggressive side under control. He settled…breathing…calming his adrenaline rush, and looked at his watch. He needed to take another pill…he didn't think the pills were supposed to work under circumstances such as those that he was going through at that moment, but they were all he had…because his mind wasn't strong enough at that moment to deal with things without the drugs.

"I have things to do…I trust you'll be ok by yourself?" And again that smirk…that distance…he had to maintain it. If he didn't keep a tight grip on it, he was going to spiral down and he wasn't sure if he would be able to pull himself back out…so he kept it at bay, thinking about anything but. He walked out of the gym and headed towards his room…trying hard not to think about the person he had left huddled on the floor of the gym, probably with broken ribs. If he thought about how close he had come to losing control in there…to forgetting that he had to keep Zechs alive…Duo knew he was going to snap.

Entering the code onto the pad he entered the room to see his friends slaving over the computers. These three men…were the only people in the world that he trusted. They were his family.

Quatre turned around when he heard the door fall closed. "Duo…" A smile spread along his angelic face until he took in Duo's countenance and frowned a little. "Are you ok?"

Duo just shook his head. He didn't trust himself to speak, he felt like he was going to scream if he opened his mouth. Holding out a hand to fend off Quatre's advance towards him he walked into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face and take one of the pills.

He re-emerged from the bathroom, face pale but grin plastered firmly in place.

"How's it going guys…any luck so far?"

Wufei looked closely at Duo and decided that if his friend didn't want to tell them what was wrong, then he would just wait until he did. "Not completely…but I am getting a trace on a few of the funds divisions…ie who is on their payroll. We can start taking some of them out through preventer raids soon…Shouldn't take more than a couple of days. But Duo…there are a lot of them."

"Great…all the more people to take out and make pay…Just think guys…It'll be just like the good old days except I'm not allowed to kill them… I just get to make them suffer for life…I think I can deal with that…besides…who's to stop me playing with them first" He grabbed black gloves and his sunglasses off the conference table.

"Sorry guys…cant concentrate right now…I need to go…" And he left the room, letting the door fall closed behind him.

Quatre frowned.

"Don't frown love…you'll get wrinkles…" Trowa's statement was made absently without much thought…but it still made the blond blush.

"Where is he off to now?"

"Should I try to employ non-existent psychic skills Quatre?" There was a dry wit to Wufei's voice that made Quatre realize just how silly he was being.

"No…sorry…its just that…his eyes…they weren't right. They were too bright…"

"You're really worried aren't you Love?" Trowa showed mild surprise.

"Of course I am!"

"He can look after himself Quat…"

"That's just it…he's slit his wrist once, I don't trust him to take care of himself. He needs us…"

Wufei sighed…"If he isn't back in the next two hours…we go looking ok?"

"It's just going to have to be isn't it `fei?"

#*#

Duo was fairly certain that his bike would still be in the preventers car park. He had taken Heero's on the day he had died and that was at home…back at Quatres. Running a gloved hand through his bangs Duo pushed them out of the way of his eyes and made a firm decision…he needed to get away…needed to feel the wind rip through his braid and the cool tang of the air bite at his face. He just needed right then…and the feel of 1000cc's of speed bike between his legs was going to go a hell of a lot of the way to helping him fulfill that need.

He stopped in front of his bike and looked at it critically. Someone had serviced it…and cleaned it. A tight-lipped smile crossed his lips as he settled himself in the saddle and started backing the machine up. He never wore a helmet…it made him feel too restricted and the last thing he needed at that point in time was to feel restricted. In position, he gunned it…hearing the motor spring to life and growl…feeling the vibrations fill his body. A scream tore from his throat as he took off on the bike, drowned out by the roar of the suped up engine. The bike sped towards a destination that even Duo only knew subconsciously.

Watchful eyes observed his departure.

#*#

"He's a walking time bomb Une…" Zechs cringed as Sally applied ointment to the cuts he had aquired on his face. Sitting shirtless in Une's office he was letting his wounds be seen to. They weren't as bad as he had expected, but they were worse than he first thought.

"Let me guess…he wears steel capped boots?" Sally's voice sounded weary and she didn't wait for Zechs's reply. "And he could have at least taken his rings off first…" She left the wounds on his face and started to bind his ribs.

"I don't think he would take those rings of if his life depended on it." Zechs's voice had a sad tinge to it…"And you really cant blame him…can you?"

Une sighed and pulled away from the window, not able to see the bike that had sped off anymore…"I didn't expect him to come unhinged this much…" She paced over to her desk and threw herself in her chair…eyebrows furrowed. "He has been through so much…not even Heero thought he would react like this…I thought we covered all the variables."

Zechs got pissed off…and he rarely got pissed off. "Variables…He's a fucking 19 year old man; who was trained to kill; to follow missions involving infiltration and hacking into systems so complex we can't understand them; trained to self destruct instead of letting the enemy get their hands on his Gundam; who finally managed to find someone to share his life with who understood him and what he had been through and lead a semi normal peaceful life working for us because it gives him the ability to carry the weapons he can probably no longer live without! And you take the man who balances him, out of his life…what the fuck is he going to do? We should have thought about this, we should have foreseen this. You can't tell me you took all the variables into account if you didn't think of that!" He stood up, not caring that Sally was only half finished with the bandages and trying not to wince with the pain. "It's destroying him…it's eating him up…he is losing it…the only driving force he has in his life right now is to find the people who took Heero from him and kill them…and I can almost guarantee you…that if we don't find a way to settle him down, once he has finished with GHD…he is going to make life hell for all of us who were involved from this end as well."

He stood there, just looking at the other two, till Sally walked forward and guided him back to his seat. Zechs sat down and let her finish what she had been doing…his shoulder slumped as the silence in the room increased.

Sally sighed. "You know guys…I think we really fucked up…the only thing is …now we started it, there is nothing we can do but allow it to finish. And as much as we may all care for Duo…what we have done is for the benefit of the new found peace…eventually I hope he will come to understand that."

"Yeah…if he lets himself live that long…" Zechs's bitter voice softly expressed everyone else in the rooms' thoughts.

#*#

Wind blew through his hair ripping more strands out of his braid. Duo adored the feeling…it made him feel free, it helped him forget the pain inside. Suddenly he found himself stopping and looked up at where he had pulled up. His face paled. In front of him stood the Cemetery where they had buried Heero. And all of a sudden he knew that that was where he had needed to come all along.

Leaving his bike standing at the foot of the hill, he climbed his way up the winding path. The grave site that had been chosen was at the top of the hill close to the woods that bordered the Cemetery. Although eerie, the walk to the grave was soothing. Somehow Cemeteries usually calmed him, all the people who had passed on…lived lives and were now in a better place.

But as he crested the last rise and saw the gravestone he had so numbly picked out with Quatre, the tears rose in his throat and the anger came surging back. Running he leveled a flying kick at the headstone…belatedly remembering that he had chosen marble instead of the sandstone he knew Heero would have liked, so that it would be sturdier. But that didn't stop him.

He yelled instead…at the grave…at everything that could or couldn't hear him…at his memories. Tears streamed down his face, his hair untidy and windswept, only half of it still in the braid as he unleashed his tirade, hands clenched at his sides.

"You fucking knew what this would do to me…you know what the doctor said…You don't fucking care…You chose to do this for the good of peace…WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT ME HEERO!" He fell to his knees, clutching at the grave that was still like a mound, because it was still so fresh.

The tears gushed; the anger left him and the soul aching pain he had been trying to avoid rushed to fill the void the anger left behind. His chest constricted painfully as he choked breaths through the sobs that were wracking his slight frame and his voice used up what little breath he gained as he spoke softly, bewilderment tingeing his broken voice. "You didn't love me enough…you left me to do a job I would have gladly done if you asked me, but you felt you had to force me to do. Did you really think that little of me Hee-chan…did you?" He punched a fist into the ground, feeling the soft dirt give a little and suddenly he just needed to. He straddled the grave and punched the ground beneath him, as if it was his lover's chest. As if he could hurt Heero the way Heero had hurt him. The punches grew more frenzied as he fell into memory.

~#~

^^You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
if the sky can crack
there must be some way back
to love and only love ^^

Duo had had a bad day. He had been having a lot of bad days since the war ended the year before. Always on edge, always hearing things where there was nothing…it was the third cockroach he had shot dead in the last week. Quatre was not going to be happy with the new holes adorning the wall. Sighing he made his way over to his bed and placed his gun gently down, sure that if he didn't have it in his hands, he couldn't shoot anymore poor unsuspecting insects. It was much more therapeutic to stand on them and hear them crunch beneath his boots anyway. He moved over to the couch in the large room he shared with Heero and flopped down on it, switching the TV on and flipping to the old American heavy metal channel he enjoyed so much. As loud as the music was he heard when the person crept into his room and crept was the only word to describe the way the person moved. Pretending to be asleep he waited until the hands touched him. Skills he had improved on since the war ended allowed him to reach up with amazing speed and grab his assailant around the neck pulling the man over him and throwing him onto the floor. Without a second thought Duo jumped on his chest and started laying into it and the face with punches.

It took him about a minute to realize that he had his lover pinned to the floor. He stood, stumbling back and falling on his butt, face horrified.

"H..Hee-chan…I am so sorry…I just…Oh my god… I am so sorry…"

Heero pushed himself up into a sitting position so that he was leaning on his elbows and raised one hand to wipe away the blood from his nose and mouth.

"Well Duo…you deffinately haven't lost any of that skill…I would have made more noise if I thought you were going to react like that."

Still horrified all Duo could do was stare.

Heero moved over to him and picked up the shaking man that was his lover. He walked to the bed and deposited the longhaired boy on it before grabbing a towel from the bathroom to push against his nose; and climbed onto the bed, pulling Duo into his chest and letting his free hand stroke the chestnut hair. Duo's body relaxed and he buried his face in Heero's chest not finding the words that could adequately tell the blue-eyed boy how sorry he really was.

"I thought you were over this Duo?"

"So did I…" was the mumbled reply he got from Duo.

"What happened baka…"

"I had a bad day Hee… a really bad day…"

"Bad case? Bad hack?"

"No Hee…just a bad day for me personally…I left work early… I couldn't handle the people… I just wanted to kill someone."

The new hole in the wall hadn't escaped Heero's notice and he hugged his paranoid lover. "Want to talk about it Duo?" Listening was Heero's specialty…although he talked a lot more to Duo than to anyone else…stoic silence was still his preferred choice.

"I just…its like… I just lose it…something triggers a memory and I lose it Hee…I want to strike out…I just want to hurt something…and most times, its myself." Those big violet eyes looked up into Prussian blue and Heero could see the visible fear and pain in his partner. "I'm scared Heero…yeah that's right Shinigami is scared…of what I'll do to myself… of what I could do to you…" His voice was barely above a whisper. "I need help Heero, but I can't face it myself…not on my own…"

"Then I'll come with you…" Heero lowered his head just enough to claim his lover's lips in a tender kiss. "I told you I wouldn't leave you alone Duo…you won't ever have to face your fears alone…" He kissed the violet-eyed boy again drinking in everything about him, running his free hand down Duo's side eliciting a soft moan from Duo's throat. That sound almost sounded like a purr to Heero. He loved to think he could give someone such contentment and it was a major turn on for him. Forgetting his now no longer bleeding nose, he threw the towel over the far side of the room and proceeded to kiss Duo very thoroughly whilst laying him back onto the bed. Duo let out another moan as Heero pushed him back and laid himself out fully next to the shorter boy on the bed, never breaking the kiss. Tongues warred with each other for dominance of Duo's mouth. But as usual Duo let Heero win. With the lack of control he felt he had over his own life and actions, he reveled in letting Heero take the reigns and take control of everything, including him. Those hands lovingly touched him and undressed him as if it was something special, something sacred and maybe he was to Heero. That would always mean more to Duo than anything else. That someone loved him that much, the way Heero did was unfathomable to him.

Having undressed his lover Heero took a moment to admire the view in front of him as he removed his own clothes. Those violet eyes looked up at him with pure lust, passion, need and love. Having discarded his own clothing Heero gently pushed his lover's willing legs apart and bent to take Duo's erection into his mouth.

"…Ahhh Hee-chan…" That breathless voice of Duo's almost made Heero want to just take him then and there, but the look that Duo would have on his face after Heero had given him a blow job, was a sight he was willing to exert a little self control for. Expertly, knowing exactly what his violet eyed lover enjoyed, Heero wrapped his tongue around the head of Duo's throbbing member and devoured him…deep throated him. Duo's hands convulsed in the dark hair beneath his hands. "Oh god hee…no…oh my GOD HEE… you ARE a god…"

Heero smiled around his mouthful…his baka was louder during sex than he was normally, and that was saying something. Letting his tongue play with the slit in Duo's head as he worked skilled lips around the rim; he then suddenly deep throated his lover again, the small content moan like purrs coming from him proving too much for Heero. He wanted his lover to cum, wanted to see that face twist in ecstasy.

"Oh GOD …Hee…oh yeah…just like that…oh please oh no…I'm gonna…"

Heero braced himself deep throating a last time as Duo bucked his hips and fucked his mouth, finally exploding.

"Oh my FUCKING GOD!" Duo yelled as he emptied his white hot seed into his lovers mouth…moaning as Heero sucked him dry.

Heero swallowed every single drop, looking up at the sweat glistening body lovingly, crawling up and resting himself lightly on Duo, he claimed those juicy lips that were his to claim and proceeded to make love gently and passionately to his violet-eyed beauty.

~#~

Duo imagined every punch letting some of what he was feeling out…he pushed it…slamming his fists into the ground harder and faster; until his brain registered the pain that the small rocks that decorated the grave were causing his hands, and tore him away from his memories. He focused on his hands, numbly registering the cuts and bruises on them, all the resistance in him crumbled and he curled up in a ball beneath the headstone of his lover's grave.

"Why Hee…why…why did you make me have to do this alone…why… you promised I wouldn't have to face my fears alone. You knew my greatest fear…and yet you caused it to come true…how could you." He sobbed, curling tighter into a ball. Lying on his side, knees pulled into his chest, he sobbed and remembered…again.

~#~

Duo fidgeted…but that was nothing new for him. Usually hyperactive, he rarely sat still. Sitting outside the psychiatrist's office made him nervous. His psychiatrist had asked to speak with Heero alone before this session and it made Duo think paranoid thoughts. He was sure the woman was going to tell Heero to leave him, that Heero would be much better without a dead weight like Duo to weigh him down. He almost jumped out of his skin when Heero walked out of the room to come and get him, ignoring the frown that crossed Heero's face when Duo wouldn't accept the arm that was offered to him. Secretly he was steeling himself against the rejection that he felt sure would come. After all…Heero was the perfect soldier…and Duo had imperfections to the hilt. Of course as usual Duo forgot about the times that Heero had hurt him, or beaten him…he always attributed that to being something he deserved, or something that he needed to endure to help Heero.

Nervously he sat on the edge of his chair in the office…eyes glancing this way and that…anywhere but at the two people in the office with him, and for once in his life he didn't say anything. Which of course made Heero worried in no time at all. He had, after all, known Duo for a very long time and would almost swear that the only time Duo was quiet for more than a minute was in his sleep, and even then he wasn't that quiet sometimes.

Duo finally couldn't take it and his voice was soft and controlled when he spoke, trying to filter out his emotions, which for someone like Duo was very difficult. "Well go ahead…tell me the bad news…" He fiddled with the end of his braid while talking, staring at the floor. "I mean I knew it was too good to last…I'll move my things out in the morning Heero…" He refused to let his voice break.

Heero forgot to shield the shock on his face, and he hurried to kneel on the floor in front of Duo, forcing those violet eyes to look at him.

"Duo…is that what you really think?"

Duo couldn't trust himself to speak and just nodded.

"That's nonsense Duo… don't be such a baka! A'shiteru. You know that!"

Hope flared in Duo's eyes and he looked from Heero to his psychiatrist and back again.

Miss Collins spoke. "Duo…I called Heero in here to speak about the fear that we addressed last session."

Duo gulped.

"You remember what you said don't you?"

"Yes." His voice was small…as if he didn't want to admit that he had told them all his worst fear and weakness in the previous session.

"Come on Duo we know you can say it…repeat your greatest fear…you need to accept it to get over it and move past it…"

Duo fixed his gaze on Heero…unwavering and full of fear, but somehow still proud. "The thing I fear more than anything is losing Heero…" He saw a tear snake down Heero's cheek and Duo reached out to brush it away. "He's my life…my reason to live…without him…I have nothing worth living for…" His voice was barely audible and he closed his eyes as some tears leaked down his face. Heero leaned forward and kissed the tears away, not caring right then that there was someone else in the room.

Miss Collins sighed. "Heero grab your chair and pull it over to Duo's." Heero complied and took his lover's hands in his own.

"Duo I asked Heero in here to see how he felt about your revelation. I needed to see if he was able to accept the extent of your dependency."

"I am not dependant." Some of the old fire was evident in Duo's angry rebuttel.

"Yes Duo…you are. We have already discussed your personality disorder; you do understand it, don't you. I told you to ask questions if you had them."

Duo looked at his hands again. "Yes…I understand…" Nervously he ran a hand through his bangs.

"Heero has no compunctions about the revelation you made last session. You have a partner who doesn't scare easily, and who, I think you already know, loves you to the same extent you love him. The only thing wrong that I see, which is not helping your condition to improve at the moment is your dependency. A partnership needs to be 50 50. You need to take more control…do you understand?"

"Yes…I understand…but…" He seemed unsure of himself, his eyes wandering to Heero fleetingly as if trying to draw strength from him before he realized what he was doing.

"What Duo?" Miss Collins prompted him gently.

"But what if … what if…"

Heero's eyes pleaded with him. "Duo please…tell me…"

He locked his eyes on those Prussian blue ones. "What if you decide you don't like being the one who isn't always in charge…what then Heero…will you turn from me then?" Violet eyes flashed at his lover, a challenge in them.

Heero held that gaze…" You could ask me to do anything and I would. You are always in charge Duo…even if you think you aren't. "

~#~

The cool breeze and an odd feeling shook Duo out of his reverie. Slowly he opened his still sunglass-covered eyes and was a little startled by how dark it was, until he realized he had his sunglasses on. He sat up awkwardly…his hands having become stiff and sore, and removed his glasses from his face. Evening was approaching…he had spent the entire afternoon there. Still sitting on the grave of his lover Duo hugged his knees to his chest as he tried to define the odd feeling he had. He felt…like he was being watched. Training that he never lost kicked in and he moved smoothly to a standing position, drawing his gun in the process and leveling it in front of him, the pain in his hands momentarily forgotten. He frowned, his instincts never failed him…he knew someone had been there but moments ago…but for the life of him he couldn't see anyone.

Hearing voices he crouched back down on the grave…only relaxing when he recognized them.

"See Quatre… I told you we would find him here." Trowa's quiet voice drifted to his ears.

"We were right Quatre…" Wufei admonished his shorter lover.

Quatre ignored both of them and ran toward Duo…enveloping him in a bear hug once he got there. "You worried me Duo…Can you please stop doing this… I don't need to lose you as well. Duo what have you done…?" Quatre was dismayed when he saw Duo's hands.

"Oh I… kind of… beat the grave up." A sheepish smile covered Duo's heart-shaped face.

Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Feel better?"

Duo smiled…a real smile. "You know…the strange thing is… I do feel better."

"Oh good!" Quatre couldn't keep the happiness from his voice. "Can we take you back to preventers Headquarters now and show you how far we got?" His blue green eyes sparkled with pride.

"Sure Cat… but I am taking my bike." The others laughed as they all set off back towards the foot of the hill. Try as he might though, Duo couldn't shake that itchy feeling between his shoulder blades; like someone was watching him.

~~**~~

TBC

Ok not too sure about this one…I have the ending all figured out and I know what has to happen in between, but I am having difficulty getting it on paper. Stupid writers block. Please review and tell me what you think. Oh and the timeline will speed up very shortly… I am sorry only 6 days have passed since Duo's attempted suicide.

~Arith