Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Some Way Back ❯ Happy Deathday ( Chapter 18 )

Hello again. See what having no internet does to me, I actually write updates instead of reading 10000 other peoples stories /snicker. There are a couple of kisses and inferences in this chapter, but otherwise its pretty tame. Oh yeah and a little more self mutilation and lots of angst… can't go getting too happy now can I hehe

We're getting towards the end of this series now, should be a few more chapters at least though, so I hope you don't mind sticking with me.

Oh and in advance, I will apologize to Duo and Zechs fans for this chapter, please don't hate me, oh yeah and there is a baby song fic inside this chapter too /snicker…so I got creative lol, the things we do when bored ne?

BTW I still don't own them, so don't taunt me with it ok?

Anyway hope you enjoy, if you wish to archive this story or be on the mailing list to find out when I update then please email me arithkenshin@yahoo.co.uk and reviews are always welcome, pleaded neeeedded!!!

#*# = scene change

~ words in direct thought to oneself

~#~ Flashback

~~**~~ end of chapter

^^Italics should be song lyrics, or if it hates me then itll just have those little ears^^

Some Way Back: Happy Deathday

While Duo found himself an apartment and Quatre, Trowa and Wufei said rather intimate goodbyes; Une, Sally and Zechs went over the mission communication information.

Une was frowning while Zechs was attempting not to answer questions directly.

She tried again. "Are you seriously trying to tell me that he couldn't hear you at all; that everything you were saying wasn't even registering?"

Zechs just nodded again. He was concentrating very hard on the paperweight in his hands. Having reheard the communications band he realized that he and Quatre had cautioned Duo's actions more than once, and no response had been evident. Duo's behavior, while technically appropriate for the circumstances had bumped against a few Preventer regulations. However the platinum haired man was fairly certain that Une would let those violations slide for his one time lover. Trying not to think about the lover part of his thoughts, Zechs was rather happy when Sally interrupted.

"You know, what he said to Trandish was extremely true. I often wondered how they did what they did and managed to stay partially sane after the war. I mean they were kids, teenagers, and they killed enough people between them to populate their own colony. Scars were left, even though each of them was given a clean psychological bill of health at the end of the war so that they could come and work for us." She leafed through her notes and frowned. "The thing is, we needed them then, so either we heard what we wanted to hear, or else they knew what we wanted to hear and frankly, although I think it is a little of a mixture of both, I am fairly certain that the latter was the predominant factor."

"How do you mean?" Une was intrigued and Zechs raised his head to give more attention to the doctor.

"I mean that they are extremely intelligent. You don't pilot a Gundam unless you are extremely intelligent. Frankly I would love to give them an IQ test, but at the same time I don't want to feel too inferior. After years of training and then action that involves reading and knowing your opponents moves, it would have been child's play for them to fix their psych evaluations, even if they didn't do it deliberately, but instead as a sense of self preservation that was trained into them."

The expression on Une's face was a thoughtful one. "Keep going…I certainly never thought of anything like this." Her voice sounded annoyed.

"Well, Heero has always been able to conceal feelings. Which granted isn't healthy, but since the war he mellowed, allowing feelings to shine through on the rare occasion and unless I miss my guess, actually opening up to Duo. Now although it wouldn't have been healthy for Heero, he was always capable of reverting back to soldier mode to force himself to get through and deal with issues at hand. Trowa has his masks, but he also has two lovers and unless I am mistaken all three of them comfort each other through their nightmares and their regressions. Wufei views everything as having been justice but still, he is a part of the threesome and they do comfort each other. Quatre is the little brother of the group, the one they would all do anything for, and in his two partners he has the immediate support he needs." Sally paused.

Zechs spoke softly, almost unwillingly. "And Duo?"

"Duo hides behind masks. But the worse thing with Duo is, that he hides behind a happy mask. Happy masks can be the worst because this is an expression and feeling that people like to encourage and accept. So as long as he is happy go lucky Duo, he doesn't need to worry about people prying too deep. Heero saw passed this. He brought out the Duo that needed healing and as far as I can see, that Duo was healing, was still in the process of healing. In turn, Heero had someone who understood him and accepted him as he was." Sally took a deep breath. "In taking Heero away from Duo, we took away Duo's support. Mistakenly thinking that he was healed and fully able to deal, because we hadn't been otherwise informed, we ripped from him the only thing that had stabilized him." She pointed to the speakers they had been listening to. "That…what happened last night, is Duo reverting to the mask he wore during the war, and that is not good. I am simply glad that he chose to take Quatre with him on the mission, because if anyone else can get Duo to open up and heal again…Its Quatre."

Speaking the thought that was on all three of their minds, Une sighed. "And what about after the mission, what will happen when it's over?"

Her face took on a grave look as Sally gave the answer she would rather not give. "Although I would like to think otherwise, I don't think he is going to take it well. In fact, I personally think any healing will be undone and he is going to be pushed over the edge."

"Shit." Zechs started pacing.

Une stood and looked out of the window. "Well, guess we have to deal with that when we come to it. What's done is done. We can't go back now."

#*#

Duo pushed himself away from his desk, mission apartment: accomplished. Gathering the printouts he had just finished, he sorted them into two neat piles; one for Quatre so the blonde could get into his role easier and the second for the both of them, detailing their apartment and their dual history. Stretching his arms above his head he began to stand up. Still stretching he walked into the bathroom and got a towel, knowing that the tanning room would make him sweat like a pig. He wasn't really looking forward to tanning his skin, especially since he had to tan naked to make sure it was even all over, but those bastards deserved to die and have everything they had ever worked to achieve ripped away from them. That was something Duo planned to accomplish no matter what.

Duo made his way to the tanning room that was adjacent to the gym. He didn't really care if anyone else wanted to use it; he was planning on locking the door anyway. Closing the door behind him, he locked it and began stripping the clothes from his body. Feeling sorry for the first tanning studios he had seen when they had been made way back when, Duo was rather glad the rooms were no longer blindingly white. Lying down on one of the benches and pushing his hair out of the way, he closed his eyes and let some of the exhaustion claim him.

#*#

Quatre was feeling lazy and decidedly sated. Lying on his stomach in between his two lovers in their bed, he had propped himself up on one elbow, chin resting on his hand. A thin sheen of sweat covered each of them. Both Trowa and Wufei had been determined to have as much of their blonde lover as possible if he was going to be gone for so long. It was now mid afternoon.

Sighing Quatre let his thoughts wander back to where they had been before. It was Duo's birthday. They needed to do something even if the braided man wasn't paying any attention to the date himself. Seeing that if he didn't speak in the next few minutes, sleep was probably going to claim at least one if not both of his lovers, Quatre smiled. "So, what should we do for Duo's birthday tonight?"

Trowa opened the one eye that wasn't obscured by the sculpture that was his hair, and raised the eyebrow in question. Which in Trowa speak was about the same as if he had opened his mouth and said `Well Quatre, what do you think we should do for his birthday? Do you really think we should do anything considering what the day also means for him?'

Of course, knowing his green eyed lover so well, Quatre continued on as if Trowa had actually spoken those words. "I see your point, but you have to admit Trowa, he needs to start getting passed it. Even if it just means coming here and not going anywhere near the room he and Heero used to use. He needs to start healing, because simply by staying away from as much as he possibly can that reminds him of Heero, he is avoiding healing and it'll only make it harder in the long run don't you think so?"

Trowa's eyebrow lowered again, a sure sign to Cat that the unibanged boy thought he was probably right. A clearing of the throat to the other side of him, made Quatre turn his attention to Wufei.

"Maxwell needs to enjoy himself again, would you not agree?"

Quatre nodded emphatically. "Definitely, I just can't come up with any particular way that will scream to him `Have fun'" The aquamarine eyes narrowed, perplexed.

"Karaoke." Black eyes closed again, Quatre looked confused and Trowa actually spoke verbally.

"Say what?"

"Karaoke."

"You have to be kidding, that means we all have to do it."

A little exasperated now, Quatre was pouting. "We all have to do what?"

Once again a black eye flickered open, narrowing slightly as if to see whether or not Quatre was serious about not knowing the old earth obsession. Deciding that he was, Wufei reluctantly raised himself on his elbows and opened both eyes to look into the blue-green ones of his lover. "Karaoke is an old earth singing thing. You get this machine, which displays old song texts and plays the music to them. A microphone is included and each person gets up and makes a total fool of him or herself by attempting to sing the songs that they want to."

Quatre's eyes were shining. "Oh my, Duo would ADORE that! He loves singing, and at least our ear drums won't burst, since he can actually hold a tune." Frowning at Wufei's raised eyebrow, which clearly said: `Well, that is why I suggested it!', Quatre gave his best attempt at a glare before bounding out of bed, pulling some clothes over his head and turning back to his two still-naked lovers.

"Well I have to go dye 5 feet of hair, which I might drag him back here to do, since a shower isn't the best thing for dying hair in, so you guys, since you seem to know so much about this Karaoke thing, can arrange to have one here by. "He looked at his watch. "About 7pm tonight, at the latest. Have the cook prepare something big and Duo'ish. It'll just be us three and Zechs, I don't think Duo would appreciate it if we invited the two life-sucking bitches as he calls them. Love you both." And the little blonde whirlwind departed the room.

Wufei sighed and rolled onto his side, in time to see Trowa do the same and raise an eyebrow. "Yes, Yes Trowa, I am fully aware that I just dropped us both in it and I now owe you one."

As if that was all he needed to hear, Trowa nodded once and rolled to his knees. Bending swiftly to kiss Wufei gently, he then stood and went to get dressed, leaving the Chinese man in bed, grumbling about the injustice of having good ideas for other people's birthday parties.

#*#

The little blonde whirlwind barreled into Duo's systems room at a rate of knots, to find the platinum haired man seated at one of the keyboards going through a heap of information.

Zechs looked up, barely surprised by the interruption. "Quatre." He inclined his head. "Careful, you're getting as hyperactive as Duo."

Quatre laughed good-naturedly. "Yeah well, that's not such a bad thing I guess. Well its good he isn't here, as I have something to ask you."

Looking mildly interested, Zechs nodded again.

Taking his cue, Quatre continued. "It's Duo's birthday today…well you know… we all got to pick a day and Duo picked today, cause that's just the sort of guy he is. Anyway, I am going to literally drag him over to my house and we are going to have a thing called Karaoke for him. Pretty sure he will like it, at least I hope he will. Dinner and stuff is included and we thought you might like to come. It'll just be us five, but it'll probably be good for Duo to have a different surrounding. So will you come?"

Zechs just nodded, fairly proud to be invited.

"Great!" Quatre looked around thoughtfully. "I guess he is still in the tanning room, ne? Excellent, see you! Have to go fish him out!"

Zechs watched as the door slammed and shook his head to clear it a little. He hoped Quatre was just a little psyched up, because having to deal with two Duo's on a day to day basis was sure to kill every single one of them eventually.

#*#

It was hot and it was sweltering, but for some strange reason Duo wasn't wearing his habitual black. Actually, when he looked down at the rest of his body, he realized with a blush that he was stark naked, and moved to cover himself with his hands while desperately seeking a towel or something.

Someone was talking to him, he realized and turned to face the voice. Heero was sitting next to him, clad only in speedo's. Frowning Duo tried to recall what was wrong with the situation, but as nothing came immediately to mind, he focused on what his lover was saying.

"…lucky it's only us, else I would have to kill everyone that looked at you." That smile that was only ever smiled in Duo's presence once again emerged and Duo found himself smiling back, albeit self consciously.

Suddenly Heero was moving, and his shadow began to cover Duo, which caused the violet-eyed youth to shiver for some reason. Reaching out a hand Duo brushed Heero's cheek and frowned. The texture was wrong, rubbery somehow, and with shock he realized…melting. Wispy strands were attached to his fingers where they had made contact with Heero's skin. Heero on the other hand seemed oblivious to this, and was simply looking at his lover curiously.

"Duo…what's wrong?"

For once at a loss for words the chestnut haired man, pointed to his fingers and the now, as the temperature seemed to rise, very obviously melting Heero.

The latter shrugged as if it was an every day occurrence. "It's really ok Duo, it's only for show anyway." And the Prussian eyes closed as he drew his face closer to Duo's.

A paralysis seemed to grip Duo's body and there was nothing he could do as Heero's mouth closed the distance between them. Those rubbery lips clamped down on his own, melting into his own skin, smelting just like rubber in an inferno. Some unseen force seemed to make Duo open his mouth into the kiss, and a scream tore from his throat, only to be smothered by the thing that was Heero on top of him.

#*#

Sitting bolt upright Duo was gasping for air, and it took a few moments for him to orientate himself, and subdue the blood pounding in his ears. When he had accomplished this, he realized there was also a pounding at the door and a somewhat irate Quatre seemed to be on the other side banging against the door.

Glancing down at his body Duo realized that the room had indeed worked its wonders over the last however long he had been in the room. His skin was goldenly bronzed, and although it kind of clashed with his current hair color, he knew it would look amazing with black.

"Alright Q, I'm coming, sorry."

The noise from outside stopped momentarily. "Ok Duo, I just got worried, I heard you scream."

~Shit, shit, shit. Now how to explain that to Cat~ He decided he would simply tell his friend the truth. Wrapping the towel he had brought with him around his waist, he slipped his black shirt over his torso without doing up the buttons. He was still feeling way too hot to the touch to do it up. Unlocking the door, he opened it and stepped outside to be greeted by a concerned Quatre.

"Sorry to frighten you Cat, just had a nightmare is all. I fell asleep." A sheepish expression crossed his face. "What's the time, I think I was in there for longer than I intended to be."

"Almost four Duo. And that must have been a hell of a nightmare, because that scream made my blood run cold."

Duo shrugged as he worked out in his head that he had probably been in the room for around 5 hours. A few more hours the next day and the tan would be sealed for a fair while. "Yeah well, no more of a nightmare than most of us have Cat. Say, has Sally got us the dye yet?"

Not liking his friends' change of topic, Quatre decided that there would be enough time in the next few months to pry things out of his best friend if needed, and so turned his attention to the mission ahead. "Yeah. There is a small supply in your room. But, we cannot do this here. We need a bathtub and a really big one at that. You are coming to my house." Quatre barreled on as he saw Duo about to protest. "No but's Duo, you are coming to my house and then you are eating a birthday dinner. Please stop letting everything go because of what happened. You still have friends and we still love you as part of our family. Its time you stopped dwelling, even if its only for a few hours. Besides, `Fei came up with an awesome present for you!"

The angry retort died on Duo's lips, pushed aside by the curiosity as to what in the hell Wufei could have thought out for him. Instead he just grumbled a little. "Fine, drag me away then, but this better be good I tell you." He was finding it very difficult to stay angry, he had actually missed messing about with his friends and just hoped he would be able to have a semi-normal night for once.

Quatre sensed that his friend wasn't all that seriously annoyed and smiled. "So are you packed?"

Duo shook his head as he opened the door to his systems room, stepping inside to get dressed and gather the dye together and go to Quatre's. "I can't wear all black, sadly. The hair is too much of a link as it is, so I need a few pairs of faded blue jeans and a shitload of purple and red tops. Hey… if I can't have my eyes my color, I am at least going to have clothing that color." He grinned at Quatre, gathering the things they would need in a bag, and ushering the other boy out of the room. "Just us Cat?"

Quatre shook his head and noticed the way that Duo tensed. "Just us and Zechs," Duo's shoulders visibly relaxed. "I thought he kind of deserved to come too."

Duo just nodded, mind far away for a few seconds as they made their way down to Quatre's car.

"Oh, I will send one of the servants into town to get you the clothes you need, ok?"

A grateful smile was directed at Quatre.

On the way to the house, Duo finally broke his silence. "You know, we are going to need a car… something old but well preserved. Both Jaysha and Deoden have a penchant for older things…antiques. We're both extroverts but I am supposed to talk less." Duo grimaced remembering the fun they had had deciding to swap roles a little for their identities. "I'm going to have a hard time accomplishing that, but hey, it's not like I haven't watched a master at work now is it?" Duo fell silent once more.

#*#

Quatre had deliberately chosen a bathroom that was far away from the side of the house that Duo and Heero had used. And as such, the room was also fairly separated from the rest of the house. However, even though such precautions had been taken the rest of the household could still hear the arguing over their preparations for the night ahead.

Wufei had gone ahead and gotten some earplugs for both himself and Trowa, but they were still doing little to dampen the effects.

"For Christ's sake Cat, have you been practicing torture?"

"Oh stop being such a baby Duo!"

"Baby?! A Baby! That hair you are so successfully yanking at is actually attached to something…my head!"

"Hey Duo, I thought it was the old adage No brain, no pain…"

**crash** **splash, splash**

Squeals of Duo's laughter could be heard, followed by spluttering from Quatre. "Oop's sorry Cat, did I get you? My poor, poor brain can't handle computing too much at once…OWE!!! That fucking hurt!"

"Serves you right, this stuff may smell better cause we piled aroma oils through it, but I don't want it on my clothes and my skin."

"That hair is attached to my fucking skull Cat, that hurt!"

"Awww poor Duo… Duo… no… shit…nooooo!!!"

And so the tirade continued for about two hours while the two friends dyed each other's hair. After a while the people downstairs got used to it, and it managed to fade into the background, that is until the tirade changed somewhat.

"DUO!!!"

"What!?"

"That's the wrong place to inject it!"

"It is not!" There was a pause "…is it?"

"You are such a dunce!"

"I am not! Stop insulting my intelligence Q-man!"

"Oh, just give me the damn needle Duo!"

"No, you're going to try and hurt me again."

"Oh for crying out loud, I wasn't trying to hurt you. If I was trying to hurt you Duo, you would have known about it."

"Oh, is that so Mr. Winner?"

"Yes Duo, that is so!"

"I am perfectly capable of injecting it myself."

"Fine! If the white of your eyes turns black instead, don't come crying to me!"

"…"

"!!!"

"Here Cat, can you show me where to inject it?"

Fifteen minutes later, found two extremely altered pilots at the foot of the main staircase in Quatre's mansion.

Deep red hair, and jade green eyes peered out from a pale face with high cheekbones. Although the other three people present knew it was Quatre, it would be damn near impossible for anyone else to tell it was him.

It was Duo though, who took the cake. Golden skin was just the start. His now black hair was pulled into a half ponytail, and swept the tops of his knees, a lemon and lavender type smell lingering around him. Pitch black eyes stared out of golden surrounds and the tan made his face a little gaunter. Two earrings adorned his left ear, one at the top and one at the bottom, linked by a chain. The pale, soft blue jeans clung to his body like a second skin, and the half undone deep purple shirt simply accentuated his features. In short, he looked amazing, and very little of him resembled the Duo they all knew.

Zechs's heart almost stopped as he looked at the raven-haired man in front of him. He was pure wet dream material.

Crossing his arms, Duo tapped his foot. "Well?"

Three sets of eyes raised to meet his own, clearly at a loss for words.

"Do we pass? Are we too easily recognizable?" Duo was getting a little irritated. He didn't like being looked at like he was a piece of meat, even if it was by his closest friends. But he also knew he would have to get used to it, since Jaysha was a flirt and people were supposed to want him, to want and look at him.

Wufei recovered first and cleared his throat. "Quatre looks… um… very different, if I didn't know him the way I know him, and know what he had changed, I wouldn't know it was him. I doubt, and this makes me uncomfortable, that if I hadn't seen him now, that I would recognize him if I passed him in the street."

Duo nodded as Wufei continued. "You Duo, the tan, it makes you look entirely different. The hair colour too. The entire thing thins you out and gives you a gaunt appearance that I wouldn't attribute to you. You've always been thin, almost fragile looking but never gaunt before. Your cheeks, appear so hollow, what did you do to them?"

Duo raised an eyebrow. "I lost a fuckload of weight `Fei, weight which I doubt very strongly will be put back on anytime in the foreseeable future."

"Oh"

Quatre noticed a discreet motion from one of his servants, that the meal was ready. "Hey guys, lets go eat shall we?"

Silently Duo followed the rest of them into the Dining room, trying not to let the memories that were trying to surface, surface. Everything he walked passed, everything he saw in here, made him think of Heero. And he was just too dammed tired and drained to deal with it all right then. Maybe if Quatre had something for them to drink he would be able to forget for a while. But his eyes widened when they entered the Dining room.

"Holy Shit Cat!" He glomped his best friend. "You know I love this shit!" Sitting on the table was everything from Pizza's to Hamburgers with all the stuff you could dream of to put on them, French fries and all sorts of other old American junky fast food. "You are definitely the bestest friend in the whole universe!"

Quatre laughed as he watched Duo pile his plate with all that would fit on it, but sadly realized that with the way Duo had been lately, he would probably not even eat half of it.

Another bounce from Duo grabbed Quatre's attention. "Yippee fucking do! Oooo, what to drink!"

Spying the alcohol took an amazing weight off Duo's chest. Something to sink his feelings into, something to make the drained feeling just disappear into the background. He poured drinks for himself and his friends, but made sure to keep the bottle directly within his own grasp for easy access.

The meal progressed, and Duo had probably drunk a lot more than he had eaten, when Zechs just couldn't resist it any longer. "Duo, I have to ask…why today…why did you pick today as your birthday?"

Grinning his lopsided grin Duo stared into blue eyes. "Well, a couple of Duo reasons really. One… I have always been fairly fragile and young looking, so if I chose this day, I would be older than most of the others." Duo snickered, taking another drink before continuing. "Secondly… You only get a 29th of February once every four years." He barked a laugh. "Apart from it being a fairly unique date to be born on, and Heero always insisted I was unique and not weird, you also only get to see the actual me about that often." With that cryptic remark dropped Duo turned to Wufei. "Hey! Cat said you had a surprise for me, I want I want I want."

Wufei couldn't help but laugh, Duo it seemed, had already had a little too much to drink, if the almost empty bottle at his hand was anything to go by. Standing up he held out a hand to Duo, who took it and followed the Chinese man with mocking obedience into the recreation room.

When they walked in, Duo stopped dead in his tracks, mouth agape. "No way man, no fucking way!" The look of glee was evident on his face as he bounded around to fiddle with the Karaoke machine. After a few minutes he looked up at his friends, silently begging permission. Smiling, all four of them nodded their ascent.

And so Duo began, picking out some of his favourite songs. The fact that he had a rather nice voice made it easier for the others to listen to him. The antics that the man performed while singing had the others in fits of laughter. His over-dramatizing the words to the songs was done in a very comical manner.

Finally after about a dozen songs in a row, Duo stepped down from the makeshift stage and planted his hand not holding his current drink on one hip, attempting a glare at his friends, which should be said, failed abysmally. "Come on guys, you have to have a go too!!!"

Reluctantly Quatre got up, resigned to his fate and sang a few songs in a very sweet and innocent voice. He received a standing ovation from all of the other occupants. Next Zechs stood, taking a mock bow before stepping onto the stage. His first song went off without a hitch, the others cheering him on, as his voice was surprisingly easy to listen to, as he could actually hold a tune. As his second song Zechs chose one called "It's been a while" by a band from old earth, called "Stained".

As the first strains played over the machine, Duo felt himself falling, as he remembered.

~#~

^^It's been a while

Since I could hold my head up high

It's been a while, since I first saw you

It's been a while since I could stand on my own two feet again

It's been a while since I could call you^^

Back to after the war, just after the war. Those horrible several weeks where Heero had gone to look after Relena, leaving Duo to his own devices, though assuring the longhaired boy that he did love him. The assurance wasn't enough and Duo had started to slip.

Delusions played through his head as he envisaged Heero constantly coming back and telling him it was all over, as he envisaged Relena's triumphant smile as she took the love of Duo's life away from him.

It had been seven weeks of almost no sleep whatsoever; seven weeks of hardly eating at all; seven weeks of avoiding contact with everyone, including by vid-phone. And after those seven weeks Heero had been so worried that he had told Relena she could stick the body guard detail, as there was someone else's body who was much more important to him.

^^But everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that I've rendered

I've stretched myself beyond my means^^

Heero had come home, unlocking the door and quietly calling Duo's name. It was the first and last time they had lived without the others. Not getting any response a frown had creased his brow slightly. He ventured further into the apartment that Duo had inhabited by himself for the last seven weeks. The kitchen was a mess, dishes piled in the sink. Frown increasing Heero made his way to the bedroom. The sheets were crumpled, but the bed still made, as if Duo had just let himself fall onto the bed into slumber instead of bothering to climb under the covers. Heero was puzzled; he knew Duo loved to snuggle with the covers.

Making his way to the bathroom he heard running water, and surmised that Duo must be in there. The anxiety he was feeling led him to opening the door, dreading what he was fairly sure he would find.

^^It's been a while, since I could say that I wasn't addicted

It's been a while, since I could say I love myself as well

It's been a while, since I've gone and fucked things up just like I always do

But all that shit seems to disappear when I'm with you^^

And he was right. Sitting in a bathtub full of reddening water, Duo was oblivious to Heero's entrance as he concentrating on boring into his upper left arm. From what Heero could see before he rushed to his lovers' side, Duo had been doing that to himself again for a while. ~No, I told him he could come to me, and I wasn't here, what have I done!~ All Heero could think of, was that he had hurt his Duo by not being there, he had left Duo, like he had promised he wouldn't. It wasn't a mission, there was no excuse to leave him to go and aid Relena.

Suddenly he was kneeling next to Duo, prying the knife out of his hands and gathering

the fragile seeming body to him.

^^And everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem

The consequences that I've rendered

I've gone and fucked things up again^^

The voice that spoke was cracked and harsh from crying. "H… Heero?"

"I'm here Duo. I love you Duo…I promise I will do my best to never hurt you ever again…I love you my baka, I will never let anyone hurt you, I will never leave you alone."

Duo had sunk into grateful oblivion.

^^Why must I feel this way

Just make this go away

Just one more peaceful day^^

As Duo slept, Heero bound his wounds. He found it do hard to express himself with anyone else but Duo. So hard to be normal with anyone else, but Duo had persisted long enough; had affected him enough that he couldn't help but always feel at ease with his lover. And now he had failed him, though he knew, Duo probably felt the failure was on his own behalf.

^^It's been a while, since I could look at myself straight

It's been a while, since I said I'm sorry

It's been a while, since I've seen the way the candles light your face

And it's been a while, but I can still remember just the way you taste^^

The lights were low when Duo woke, to see a concerned Heero face hovering over him. A small smile creased his face as he muttered. "Are you real, or am I dead?"

Heero managed to suppress the flinch and cold shiver he felt at those words. "I'm real baka."

A frown furrowed Duo's beautiful face. "I am sorry Hee-chan, I just… doubted."

^^But everything I can't remember

As fucked up as it all may seem to be, I know its me

I cannot blame it on my Father

He did the best he could for me^^

"Duo no baka." Heero leant forward and kissed Duo chastely on the lips. "Everything I do, is for you. Every decision I make concerns you. Every thought I think is occupied by you in some way. No matter what I do, say or think, you are my reason for everything. Never forget it."

Smiling, Duo snuggled into Heero's embrace. "Never…"

^^It's been a while, since I could hold my head up high

And it's been a while, since I said I'm sorry^^

~#~

He was shivering, and something wet was running down his face. If he wasn't mistaken, someone was calling his name.

"…Duo…Duo!"

Opening his eyes, Duo came eye to eye with a concerned, disguised Quatre. He couldn't take it anymore, and flinched as Quatre reached out to touch him. Quatre withdrew his hand as if it had been burned, but Duo wasn't quite with it enough yet to care.

His black eyes darted around the room, as he backed himself into a corner, clutching his arms to his chest to give himself some warmth. The room was cold, far too cold. "Damn, damn, damn, damn." The tears wouldn't stop flowing, and he shook himself.

Quatre was concerned and attempted to approach again. "Duo, are you ok?"

He tried, he really did try. But the façade wouldn't work properly, instead it cracked and Duo's voice became a desperate plea for something resembling sanity. "I can't anymore Cat… here… everything… that song… him. He is everywhere, it wont leave me alone." His eyes were pleading, his voice barely above a whisper. The three ex-gundam pilots stood in front of their friend at a loss of what to do.

Zechs stepped forward; gently placing a hand on the younger mans shoulder. Black eyes turned to look up at him, searching for something. As relief became evident on his face, it was apparent that he had found that which he had sought. His body sagged and Zechs caught it.

"I'll take care of him tonight guys. Its getting late anyway, besides, I sang that song… it seems to have triggered it." Gathering Duo in his arms, Zechs made his way to the rooms allocated to him by Quatre.

As he laid Duo on the bed, one of those delicate scarred arms snaked its way around his neck and pulled his face down into a kiss. The kiss was rough and bruising, needy, seeking and devouring all in one, as if needing confirmation that the man who was kissing was still awake, that everything hadn't just been a bad dream.

Despite his resolve, Zechs responded, until they broke apart, breathless. Duo's eyes filled with tears once again.

"I am so sorry Zechs… I just…needed… I…"

Placing a finger over his lips, Zechs sighed. "Shhh Duo. It's ok, I understand."

"I just…can't…even…never again… I cant do it!" The anguish in the younger mans voice made the platinum haired man want to cry in sympathy. "I am sorry if I misled you…so sorry…but you are…tempting… I just cant…"

That little boost to his ego helped Zechs overcome the disappointment that he knew that there was no future hope for him and Duo. Instead of dwelling on his own misfortune, he simply brushed some of the black locks out of Duo's face. "It's ok Duo, I'm your friend, no matter what."

A smile of relief crossed Duo's face and he closed jet depths for so long that Zechs thought he had fallen asleep, and thus began to try and pull away gently, but stopped when a delicate brown hand pulled on his arm.

Looking down into black orbs, Zechs felt himself drowning. "Can you… hold me Zechs?"

All the blonde could do was nod. A relaxed smile settled across Duo's face as Zechs settled down and spooned against him, snaking arms around the shorter man's waist.

Closing his eyes, Duo finally allowed himself to start drifting off to sleep, and not even he himself heard what he mumbled before falling asleep. Only Zechs was awake to witness the words that sent a small shiver of foreboding down the older mans spine.

"Happy Deathday… Heero…"

^^You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
if the sky can crack
there must be some way back
for love and only love ^^

~~**~~

Well there we go… Um yeah… I didn't realize how long the chapter was getting but I just hope it flows pretty well. The song is It's been a while, by Staind and I am pretty much sure you all know that other verse by now anyhu /snicker

Feedback please please please

~Arith