Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Some Way Back ❯ In a Nutshell ( Chapter 19 )

Well here is yet another chapter. Deals with a little angst and flashy backy stuff, but nothing too hefty. Must say a heartfelt thank you to Enna for all her inspiration and to Lianna who has now become my willing sacrifice to beta my stories mwuah hah hah. /cough… anyway it seems only having sporadic Internet access has helped me write this story /snicker.

Oh and no rubbing it in that they aren't mine… the only one I own is a Duo Plushie hehehe

Anyway hope you enjoy, if you wish to archive this story or be on the mailing list to find out when I update then please email me arithkenshin@yahoo.co.uk and reviews are always welcome, pleaded neeeedded!!!

#*# = scene change

~ words in direct thought to oneself

~#~ Flashback

~~**~~ end of chapter

^^Italics should be song lyrics^^

Some Way Back: In a Nutshell

Duo started to wake up as the sun shone through the curtains. As his brain started to register the fact that there was an arm slung around his waist, he barely suppressed panic. Logically running over events in his mind, and adding to what he remembered the slight headache that he had no doubt gathered from excessive alcohol consumption, he realized that it was Zechs behind him, and that nothing had happened. Relaxed by that assurance slightly, he started to wiggle out of Zechs's hold. The platinum haired man stirred but didn't wake up, and Duo found himself chuckling as he wondered how the hell the man had survived the war with that sort of alertness.

After a quick shower of deliberately not getting his hair wet, Duo felt refreshed and, grabbing his bag which contained the information he had yet to give Quatre, headed downstairs to see what the others were up to, if they were indeed up to anything at all at that early hour.

Not having been an early riser himself until recent events made it necessary, Duo didn't have the heart to try and wake any of the others and instead, upon finding none of his friends awake, sat down in the main living room and took his hair out of its messed up style. Ripping out his hair brush he began the long task of brushing his now dark locks. He hadn't really given his hair the attention it needed and deserved for a while, and being as early as it was Duo lost himself to the task.

So engrossed was Duo in his task that it took Quatre three tries of clearing his throat before he had the other man's attention.

A little startled, Duo looked up, face breaking into a smile when he saw the newly dyed red head. "Heya Q-man, sorry for ruining my birthday party last night…but it wouldn't be me if I didn't cause commotion, would it?"

"No worries Duo. Wanna get some breakfast before we tackle that stuff you packed into your bag last night?"

Duo grinned. "Sure Q-man!" Acting on reflex Duo reached up to begin braiding his hair, barely stopping himself and instead tying it off into a half ponytail. It was going to be annoying, and he was going to hate having it out as much as it appeared he would have to, but he knew it was a necessary part of the disguise. He could get away with the hair length if the color and style were different. Keeping the length and style, would not help his cause.

Comfortably sitting at the breakfast table, Duo yet again picked at his food while he depopulated Columbia of their coffee plants. Quatre frowned at his friends' lack of food consumption, but decided picking on him probably wouldn't help.

"So, Duo, what ya got for me?"

Duo looked up from studying the very interesting pattern on Quatre's crockery. "Oh… yeah, here." He bent down and retrieved the two piles of reports he had printed out for himself and Quatre, although Duo knew Jaysha well enough, and didn't really need a print out of himself.

Silently Quatre read through the personal bio and description of Deodan. He couldn't help but let a laugh escape him.

Duo looked up questioningly.

"Oh Duo, this is priceless. I mean, this is easy enough for me to accomplish, but how would Heero have ever pulled off being outgoing, exhibitionist, frivolous, flirty, sexy, seductive, impulsive, hyperactive, masked intelligence, self confidence and talkative."

"Hey, that was Heero's description of me…so since we decided to do a personality swap, his persona became me for the sake of the Internet world."

"Well, how are you described."

Duo had the grace to blush as he murmured his response. "Extroverted, possessive, cocky, eccentric, arrogant, exhibitionist, self assured, sultry, sexy and dominant; a man of few words."

Quatre laughed, as he continued to peruse the document. Before long he let out an ear splitting eep. "Duuuoooo!!!"

Knowing exactly what it was that Quatre had found, Duo grinned at him innocently. "Yeesss?"

"Leather… I have a penchant for leather?"

"Oh, did I forget to mention that?"

Quatre almost growled and it was all his friend could do, not to fall off his chair with laughter. "Yes Duo, now I have to send someone out to get me leather pants!"

"Such a shame," Trowa had emerged, followed closely by Wufei.

"Maxwell, you have to take pictures."

Duo was, by this time, literally rolling on the floor shaking with laughter at the expression on Quatre's face.

Quatre simply half glared at his friend and his two lovers and stalked out of the room calling behind him as he went. "I am going to find someone who will get me the rest of my disguise!"

Duo recovered long enough to yell after his friend. "A couple of high end laptops Cat!!! We cant be hackers without those!!!"

#*#

A few hours later found Quatre clad in a pair of deep green leather pants, and a blood red shirt. He was standing in the living room being oogled by his lovers, who both decided that as soon as Quatre returned he was going to have a very large leather wardrobe.

Duo, who was going over some last minute details with Zechs, looked up and whistled low in approval. "That is exactly what Deodan is supposed to look like Cat." For his efforts Duo received a glare. It made Duo chuckle. "Ahh, I seem to have started something." He paused, contemplating something. "You did get a lot of black though, didn't you Cat? I mean Deodan is supposed to like a lot of black."

Once again Quatre's attempt at a glare fell very flat. "As a matter of fact Duo, that was the only color I asked for. It seems some other people had different ideas, and so black wasn't the only color that I got." Quatre didn't miss the fact that his two partners were fighting back the laughter that was burning to erupt from them. "You two are enjoying my departure entirely too much!"

Unable to help themselves, it was now Trowa and Wufei who, very uncharacteristically started to laugh, clutching at each other. Wufei sobered first and leant forward to whisper into Quatre's ear, just loud enough for everyone to hear. "It isn't that, love, it's just that we want to remember you in the most sexy possible way so we can ravish you all the better for it when you return."

The crimson color that Quatre turned, said that he had forgiven his lovers of any suspected neglect.

Smiling, Duo turned his attention back to the task at hand.

"Anyway, you need to use one of these 34 codes. Its ok, because Trowa and `Fei know pretty much how to tell one from the other by just looking at them. If you want to send any messages you need to be extra careful. I cannot risk anything getting traced to me. I know no one can find what I send. I am not the best for no reason." The way Duo said it was purely a matter of fact, no hint of having tickets on himself, just a simple: this is the way it is. "There is no way anyone will be able to find what I send. My only concern is finding things that are sent to me. I will need to get information and things somehow, so I will set up a bouncing channel for that. It will be random and take a different route to get to me every time. That should solve that problem." The longhaired man thought for a while, and Zechs waited patiently.

"Now, we will need to go to Preventer headquarters today, but I cannot go and see Une. I need for Quatre and myself to be driven directly into the hanger and for a stealth shuttle to take us to where the car is waiting. Granted it isn't very far away, but the stealth is needed. I cannot chance someone seeing me or Quatre and putting two and two together."

Zechs nodded. "Anything else?"

"Oh, I have decided what databank of the Prventers I will be hacking into. It needs to be an impressive one, with apparent motive. So therefore Une needs to make a fuss about it, not huge, just big enough to grab attention. I will hack into the personal databanks of the branch. That is impressive enough that it will give my persona the boost it needs, and yet the only way I can do so and safely not disrupt too many actual Preventer issues."

A sigh escaped Zechs's lips. "I understand, I don't like it, and I can assure you that Une won't like it either, but I understand and am fairly sure she will too."

"Good. You and she don't have to like it. It's necessary."

Zechs caught himself as he almost let something slip passed his lips. He had almost said `Wow, you're starting to sound like Heero in mission mode.' Instead he simply nodded and gathered together all the things they would need to take to headquarters with them.

#*#

Habito sighed grouchily. It was just so inefficient now. It was hard to believe that Trandish had only been dead for two days and he still had no idea who was setting the bombs in the subsidiaries. He almost growled irritably as his office door was knocked upon. "Come in!"

The man that was desperately trying to fill the void that Trandish had left walked into the room. "What?"

"Um… General Habito, the reports you requested."

"Yes…anyone standing out?"

"No one in particular sir. Just the few that we have had our eyes on for a while. The few of them that have only completed minor hacks and the one that has hacked into almost everything, but never actually done anything."

"Jaysha Trigan is hacking again?"

"Just the usual traces that seem to mean he is restless and wanting a challenge sir."

"Interesting." A large hand waved the younger man back out of the room as General Tibernus Habito sank into his own brooding thoughts.

#*#

The shuttle pulled away, leaving Duo and Quatre with their car. Slowly Duo turned to his shorter friend and smiled reassuringly. "Thanks Cat. No one else could have put up with me."

"I think you put yourself down too much Duo, you'd be surprised what your friends would do for you." The smile on the former blonde's face was almost sad. "Come on, lets go home D…Jaysha. I guess we have to get used to calling each other those names now ne?"

"Yea Deodan…I wish I remember what the hell we were thinking when we made those names up. I think we were just terribly bored."

"Good, because that's probably the only excuse I will let you have Duo." Quatre winked as he got into the car.

It only took a few hours to get there, but the townhouse they arrived at was actually quite nice. Almost new it was two stories high with three bedrooms, an upstairs bathroom and toilet and a small toilet downstairs. Downstairs was also a rather large kitchen and a large living room with a lovely fireplace. The furniture had already been moved into the apartment and Quatre was rather surprised at the taste. Almost as if Duo could sense what his friend was thinking, he voiced an answer.

"It's Jaysha's taste… I prefer my décor… blacker." He grinned.

Quatre relaxed, even though he hadn't previously realized that he was tense.

"When do the computers get here?"

"Should arrive in two days if I have calculated it right. But till then we have the laptops anyway."

Nodding Quatre turned to the kitchen, finding the fridge and pantry fully stocked and realizing Duo had organized a hell of a lot the day before. "We should eat Duo."

Duo waved the comment away with a negligent movement of his hand. "I'm not hungry, you go ahead. I have to go seal this tan." And with that Duo walked up into the third bedroom where the tanning bed had been stored.

#*#

Ten days had passed. Computers, tracing machines and their main frames were set up and in constant action, as they had been in Duo's system room back at Preventer headquarters. The coded messages were coming through on Duo's diversion system clearly, and sending them was even easier.

Checking through his channels for the fourth time that day Duo finally lost it. "Dee!!!" They had taken to using shortenings of the names to make it easier on each other. "For Christ's sake, either you tell your two obsessed lunatics that the diversion system isn't there for them to send I miss you lovey dovey messages every two hours, or else I am going to poke a hole in the frigging system so nothing else gets through from their end and we are going to be completely cut off from them!"

Black eyes were blazing and Quatre realized that Duo was completely serious. He guessed that Trowa and Wufei were very probably putting the mission at risk by sending so many messages to him through the system. It would probably be easier to detect the messages if there were too many of them. "Sorry Jay, I'll tell them to stop it."

Anger gone as fast as it had come; Duo raked a hand through his open sheet of black hair. "Don't tell them to stop. Just tell them to be reasonable. Tell them that they can only send one message a day; preferably at different times each time they send one. I realize what I did asking a member of a threesome to come along on this, but I needed you and still need you Dee." He sighed. "Sorry, I need a shower."

A feeling hit Quatre, that he shouldn't, under any circumstances, let Duo go and get that shower. "Come on D… Jay, lets sit down and have a coffee, ne?"

Duo halted on his way to the staircase, hands flexing at his sides, as if trying to decide something, as if needing to hold something. Finally it seemed that he won the conversation he was having in his head, and he turned around. "Sure, caffeine is my friend!" Winking he plopped himself down on the couch. "But since you offered, you are the one making the stuff!"

Quatre laughed as he walked into the kitchen to brew the coffee, feeling as if he had just diverted a disaster, but not knowing why. Preparing the coffee he walked back out into the living room to find Duo sprawled over the floor, perusing a stack of papers that were strewed out all around him.

"Coffee, Jay."

All that answered him was a grunt.

"What ya doin Jay…"

A sigh answered him. "Trying to sort out when would be best to hack into the account." Sitting up, Duo grumbled a little, before settling back down on the couch, sipping at his coffee, and glaring in the direction of the papers he had just been perusing.

"Soon?" Quatre was a little nervous; he still wasn't sure exactly what his role in all of this would be, apart from hairdresser extraordinaire.

Curling his legs around him, Duo sniffed his coffee and closed his eyes for a short time before answering. "Yeah, very soon actually. I'll do it tonight, will send word as soon as I have had my caffeine fix. She's had long enough to fix it."

Not knowing quite how to broach the subject, Quatre fiddled with his fingers.

"Just ask me Cat."

Duo was more observant than Quatre gave him credit for a lot of the time. "I…what am I going to be doing, what is my role?"

Looking thoughtfully at Quatre, Duo put his cup on the coffee table, motioning for his friend to do the same. Further surprising Quatre, he gathered the former blonde into a hug and dragged him over to sit next to him. Draping his arm over Quatre's shoulder Duo gave him the answer he sought. "I am possessive, and therefore you will be a part of my "bargain". If everything goes the way it should go, I will have some leeway and you will be part of it. You are also a hacker and therefore if I feel I should need you on any given day I will take you with me. This gives you a) the freedom to help me, b) the freedom to use your gift to judge the feelings facing me and c) lets me leave you at home when we need things to be done here."

"Oh…"

Duo looked at his friend questioningly.

"What if it doesn't go the way it should Jay?"

Duo laughed. "If it doesn't go the way it should Dee, we won't be around to care."

#*#

To say that the hack went well, would be an understatement. To say that it had the desired effect would again be at least that. The uproar that Une caused was perfectly timed and done. Jaysha's calling card was successfully "leaked" over all waves of communication and had just the right amount of threat in it to make the people they needed to, pay attention.

"This organization is archaic and ineffective in its practices. Its security systems are ill devised and protect none of the "top secret" information that it should. If one person can access the entire personnel history from their databanks without setting off any alarms, how safe is the future of the rest of the world if left in their hands?"

Une was taking a lot of heat from the government for the state of the security of the systems, and even though it was probably true that Duo was one of the few people with the capabilities to hack into the system in the first place, she didn't say anything of the plan. They needed to keep it within the organization or else the plan would never work. And although it appeared to Quatre that Duo had had far too much fun in placing the calling card, it was necessary that Duo be harsh if he wanted Jaysha to be taken seriously. Before leaving, Duo had been kind enough to give Une security upgrades to install for afterwards, and even though he would be able to hack through it, it was going to be damn near impossible for anyone else to do so.

Jaysha on the other hand, became an overnight figurehead in his own little world. Still an enigma, he was asked after left right and center. It didn't take long before he was contacted.

#*#

The machine beeped the arrival of yet another message. Addressed and coded to Jaysha Trigan, Duo opened it, scoffing at the simple text of the coding.

"What is it Jay?"

Scanning through the short email, Duo smirked. "It's a fish Dee, a nice juicy fat fish. This is the one we wanted to catch." The email outlined an offer of employment, sum of payment to be discussed at a later date. Complete details to be discussed at a later date, but a general run down was included. The employment would involve hacking into certain accounts, not yet names, in order to gain the company giving the employment offer a certain advantage. It also entailed creating and infusing a new security system for the company.

The whole email took pains not to mention the name, but Duo knew who it was. He took a few minutes and composed a short and sweet answer.

"As I am bored at this point in time, the offer intrigues me. However, I do not usually meet the people I work for. If this is to be something compulsory, then I too have demands. My second must accompany me at all times that I wish him to, and I am to have free reign to complete my work at my fee. Discussion is not an option. If the code you are using is anything to go by, then you definitely do not have room to argue my cost."

Signing it Jaysha, Duo grinned at the perplexed Quatre.

"Pay?"

"Hell Dee!" He hit the send button. "If they're going to make me go to all this trouble, they can at least pay me well for it, ne?"

Quatre couldn't help himself, he laughed.

Duo got up, deciding it was time for a little lunch as his stomach was actually speaking up for once.

Quatre pushed him back down. "Nu-uh, I am not eating your cooking at the moment. Sit down and twiddle your thumbs for a minute, will ya!"

"Hn." It was almost perfect, but Duo's laugh ruined it.

"Dammit Jay, you're never gonna pull it off if you don't stop that laughing thing." Quatre grinned at his friend from the kitchen.

The next beep interrupted the reply Duo had been about to give. Puzzled, Duo turned to the computer, his eyes opening wide at the message. "Um wow, they want me bad." Scanning through the letter he stood and turned to Quatre. "Don't bother with lunch, we have a rendezvous in about 90 minutes. They wanted us to be there in an hour, but Jaysha is eccentric, now isn't he?" A nasty smile appeared on Duo's face, making Quatre glad the man was his friend and not his enemy.

Bending over the keyboard Duo entered his reply.

"90 minutes suits my tastes. There will be two of us. You can't miss us."

"There we go, short but sweet don't you think Cat." The current red head nodded from his standing point behind his friend. "Ready to act like boyfriend material Dee?" Duo was a little nervous and hoped he could pull it off.

Gulping a little Quatre wrapped his arms around Duo's waist and hugged him. "Yeah, I can pull it off Jay, after all you are my best friend."

Duo relaxed and felt his hair critically; suddenly glad the dye had been reapplied the night before. He pushed away from the desk and grabbed Quatre's hand. "Come on, let's get ready to make an entrance shall we?"

Quatre laughed, as he got pulled alone with his evilly grinning best friend.

#*#

Stepping out of their black fully restored F355 Spider, Duo adjusted his lilac hippy type sunglasses surveying the area. He moved with an air of cocky self-assurance, gathering his boyfriends hand in his own, pulling the smaller man into his side and draping an arm over him. His tight, skin-hugging jeans were so pale they were almost white, with a few rips in places that made you want to rip them so you could see more. He wore a deep cerise colored silk shirt, which somehow showed off the pure muscle of his chest and was only buttoned half way up his chest, showing off beautifully bronzed pecks. Three white gold armlets draped over the wrist of the hand holding Quatre. The only thing that wasn't necessarily part of the disguise were the two rings he always wore, that he refused to take off even for a mission of such importance. From the earrings in his left ear dangled a white gold chain, linking them. His black hair was pulled half back from his face, leaving the sheet to rain down around him, almost giving him a black glow.

Quatre at his side didn't lessen the attention they drew their way. The deep red hair, let the light play through it, making it look like blood and the jade green eyes weren't hidden behind any glasses of any sort. His face had a seductive grin on it, which leant promise to his outfit. Black skin-tight soft leather pants clung in all the right places and left little to the imagination. A green shirt, to match his eyes, was buttoned half way up his chest, just like his partner's only it revealed an extremely milky and soft expanse underneath. He wore no jewelry except a black leather choker adorned with a white gold dragon.

They looked like a walking wet dream, the sort you want to tell your psychiatrist because you are sure you are going insane.

Duo was scanning the area, a look of boredom plastered over his face. When he spied who he knew were waiting to see them, he relaxed his whole body so as not to tense up. He had to remind himself that he needed to see this through and that jumping on the lecherous bastard right then and beating his head into the ground was not going to be a good idea, and would eventually negate his purpose.

Quatre sensed that Duo was warring with himself, probably something that no one else would have sensed, but Quatre was getting attuned to his friend after spending so much time with him lately. He stopped and used that pouting face in full force, knowing the pout wouldn't actually have an affect on his friend, but it would appear to do so to the surrounding observers. His friends face turned to him, raising an eyebrow in question and Quatre pulled his face close. "For show and strength…" He kissed his best friend, putting all of his feelings of support and understanding into that kiss.

At first a little startled, Duo responded, simply out of gratefulness and a little out of knowing they needed to make a show of things. Pulling apart, Duo whispered a thank you and Quatre smiled at him, feeling that Duo felt better now.

Pulling Quatre to his side once more, Jaysha made his way over to the table where Habito and someone who was probably his new aid were sitting.

The man, who Duo wanted nothing more than to rip his still beating heart out of his chest, stood and offered a hand, which Duo simply looked at disdainfully while raising an eyebrow. "Well met… I do not shake hands."

Habito looked a little put off, in fact, he looked a little slack jawed every time he tried to meet Duo's gaze, and therefore ended up spending most of his time trying to avoid it.

"But I do," Quatre almost purred and Duo frowned appropriately, while Dee shook Habito's hand, almost causing the older man to drool.

Habito had not been expecting the two men who had come towards him. Sure he had heard that they were good looking, but he hadn't been told this. It was all he could do to keep moisture in his mouth. It was a damned shame that they were together, a real damned shame, but surely he could look at them couldn't he? So engrossed was the older man in his thoughts that he almost missed the introductions.

Duo's voice was bored and impersonal as he flopped himself down onto a chair, pulling Quatre into his lap. "Jaysha Trigan, and this is my partner Deodan Meentri." He yawned as Habito answered.

"Pleased to meet you." Like an automatic response.

"That remains to be seen." Duo's voice was still disinterested, and Quatre was bouncing up and down on his knees. A look of pure annoyance flickered over Duo's features and he leant forward, clamping his arms down on Cat. "Enough! Keep that up and we're going home, I don't have the energy to be in public and be distracted by you at the same time."

Quatre/Deodan smirked evilly and ground himself once more against his boyfriend. Jaysha groaned in response, eyes glinting dangerously. "I'll be good now, Jay, I promise."

Jay just grunted and turned his attention to the other men at the table. Removing his glasses he placed them on the table and surveyed the two. "Well, talk gentlemen, time is money and I probably have more than you do."

"Jay, I am hungry." The quiet interjection from Deodan caused Jay to respond absently.

"Order for us Dee, lowering my intellect always makes me hungry."

Habito bristled at the comment but let it slide since the man was supposed to be brilliant; he needed him too much to not let it slide.

Jaysha was growing impatient. "Come on, I have certain plans with Dee for the rest of the day, I don't feel like waiting an eternity."

Resisting the urge to growl, Habito waved a hand to silence his assistant. "Well to sum it up, we need our systems upgraded and the upgrade implemented. We also need to gather certain data from certain computer networks all over the colonies and earth. We have been having some trouble with terrorist actions striking down some of our companies and need to work at stopping this."

Jaysha looked at the man speaking to him, narrowing his eyes. "In a nutshell then."

Habito was momentarily confused. "In a nutshell?"

Jaysha looked exasperated. "That is the basic rundown of what you want."

"Yes."

"Fine, I am bored at the moment, here are my conditions. Dee comes with me if and when I want, no matter what, or the deal is off. My monthly fee for working from home is around the 200 000 mark, however you are requiring me to move from my sanctuary therefore the price goes up. I want 280 000 per month. I work at my pace and with my conditions. At any time I have the option to terminate the agreement. I hate being bored. If it's too boring I am out."

Not seeing any other choice, Habito agreed. "Done."

"Ok, where do I go to when I start on Monday?" Motioning to the waiter who had just bought over the food, Jaysha requested that the meals be packed up for take away.

Habito finished fishing the details out of his briefcase and handed them to Jaysha.

"Well it's been.. boring. Hope the job isn't. Going now, thanks for lunch."

Habito opened his mouth as if to protest the departure, when Jaysha leaned closer to the older man, close enough that the latter could smell the lemon and lavender aroma that seemed to waft about the younger man. "I am not a sociable person old man, I find my machines and my lover far more entertaining than gatherings."

With that the longhaired man swung his boyfriend up off the chair and deposited him to stand waiting. Getting up from the chair he once again drew Dee close, as the shorter man accepted the now take away lunch. Turning without so much as a good bye, Jaysha and Dee made their way back over to their car.

#*#

As they walked back to the car, Quatre could feel the fact that Duo was shaking, at least inwardly. It was obvious that he was going to pains not to let it be seen from the outside. Once seated in the car, Quatre laid a calming hand on Duo's arm.

"Jay?" There was no response, so Quatre tried it in a softer voice. "Duo?"

Haunted black eyes turned in his direction, almost exhibiting shock at being spoken to. "Cat?"

"Duo, you want me to drive?"

Thinking hard, the words registered with Duo, and some part of the back of his mind registered that they were probably still being watched and so he should therefore start the car and get a move on. Detached he turned the engine on and sped away in the car. Hands moving over the gear stick automatically, eyes only vaguely taking in where he was headed.

Concerned, Quatre tried again. "Duo? Are you ok?"

Not trusting his voice to speak, Duo simply shook his head. Quatre didn't know what to say, and so he stayed silent.

Duo's head was running in circles. He had been so close to the man, so close that he could have reached out and throttled the life out of him. So close to the man he wanted to destroy. Knowing that he needed to keep the man alive for a while longer didn't help, Duo felt like a failure, as if he had failed to do what he should have done; what Heero probably would have done. And that was just it, Heero, he couldn't get him out of his head.

^^You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
if the sky can crack
there must be some way back
for love and only love ^^

He knew Quatre was worried about him, but couldn't bring himself to reassure the smaller man. His brain wasn't letting him go, it wasn't letting go of the thoughts that kept running through his head, of the memories that were tormenting him.

Pulling into the driveway of their townhouse, Duo parked the car and jumped out of it, bolting into the house once he had opened the door and leaving Quatre to take care of the car. Running straight to the bathroom he locked the door behind him, sliding to the floor with a thump as the tears started to pour down his face. Water, he needed water badly, hot, hot water. Crawling on his hands and knees, not paying attention to the sobs that were wracking his body, he turned the shower on and crawled in. Although the little voice in the back of his head told him not to get his hair wet, something forgot to remind him to take off his clothes, but it didn't bother him. Hair tied at the nape of his neck, he just let the water wash over his still clad torso. The tears mingled with the water as his guilt-ridden conscience played havoc with what remained of his sanity.

~#~

"What was the mission Duo?" Anger blazed in Prussian blue eyes.

And it was one of the very rare times in Duo's life that the words wouldn't just come glibly to his tongue. "I…"

"You were supposed to get in, get the information, and get out."

Duo became angry. "I did all that!"

"Yes, but you took unnecessary risks!" Heero took a deep breath. "You got me out too, even though I had miscalculated. You should have left me there."

Violet orbs blinked. "What, leave my lover? You have to be fucking kidding Yuy! If it is possible to take you with me safely, and it was, then I always will!"

"You endangered the mission Duo."

All Duo saw was red, as he lost his temper and lashed out, striking Heero in the face. His voice became unbearably low. "I did what I did, and would do it again."

Shock registered for an instant in Heero's eyes before disappearing again behind his mask. "Then you will endanger the mission again. I knew this was a mistake."

Those words stung Duo to the core and he whipped around to face Heero once again. "Fine! I'll leave you to die next time. But the person who kills you is going to wish they had simply died by the time I am finished with them when they next see me." He had slammed the door and not spoken to Heero for days. The silence hurt…

~#~

Everything hurt…

The water was hot, beating down on him, and his fingers had clenched into fists, nails drawing blood from gouged holes in the palms of his hands. He had had Habito right in front of him and he hadn't done a thing. Duo had broken another promise.

The banging on the bathroom door began registering in Duo's brain. Fully registering in time to see the door fly in by a well-aimed kick from Quatre.

Quatre had lost patience in waiting for Duo, he could feel the anguish and pain that were running through his friend and he didn't know what to do. Kicking the door down had seemed the only option to him, but now as he stood in the bathroom and tried to look through the clouds of heat in the room, he wasn't too sure. Slowly he could make out things in the bathroom, including a rather forlorn looking Duo huddled, still fully clothed on the floor of the shower cubicle. Slowly he made his way over to the other man, not knowing if sudden movements were such a good idea.

Black eyes slowly rose to look into green and a small, tired smirk crossed his lips. "I didn't get my hair wet Cat…" The voice was soft, a little worn from the amount of crying he had been doing.

Dropping to his knees, Quatre saw the mess Duo had made of his hands and gasped…trying to reach out to him, but the heat of the water stopped him, as he flinched back. "Shit Duo, that's boiling hot!"

Slightly disorientated eyes looked back at the former blonde with a puzzled expression in them. "Heat cleanses, washes away…you didn't know?"

Quatre was a little shocked by the answer. "Washes away what Duo?"

"Everything…" So soft was the answer that Quatre wasn't 100% sure that he had heard it. The look in Duo's eyes confirmed that he had.

Duo started to shiver, despite the heat of the water, and so Quatre quickly stood and turned the water off. Grabbing one of the large bath blankets he gathered the rather limp Duo up in his arms and carried him to his bedroom. The longhaired man was surprisingly light, but Quatre surmised that he had lost a fair bit of weight and was probably a little lighter than he had originally been. The form in his arms sighed as he was laid on the bed.

"Come on Duo, let's get you out of these clothes. They're sopping wet." All the answer Quatre got from Duo was a grunt, it seemed the latter still wasn't entirely with it. Stripping the sopping wet clothes off Duo's body and replacing them with dry and warm ones once he had dried him. Quatre noticed a few scars on his friends body that didn't fit in with any of the injuries he remembered from the wars. Frowning, Quatre realized there was a lot he didn't know about the man he called his best friend and suddenly felt terrible for not knowing. The frown creased his face even more as he realized that although Duo was awake, there were, once again, no feelings leaking from him. The longhaired boy was keeping his feelings tightly under wrap and it made Quatre amazingly curious. He idly wondered if he could get Duo to talk about the nightmares and flashbacks he seemed to be having. "Well, I guess the next few months is the best time to find out."

"What did you say Cat?"

Quatre almost jumped in shock at the surprisingly lucid eyes that gazed back at him from the bed. "Oh just wondering what I'm going to do with you." He smiled at his friend as he finished bandaging one of his friends' hands. "There you go Duo, all set."

Duo sat up on the bed and looked at his hands for a while, schooling his face back into some semblance of his own normality. Eyes bright, he looked up at Quatre. "I …haven't been…like this…for a long time Cat. I am sorry I dragged you here…but without him…I…" The now black-eyed boy shrugged a little. "Anyway, thank you."

Quatre just nodded, dumbfounded. "Anytime Duo."

As Duo's face brightened, he jumped up and headed out the door calling out behind him. "Oh man! I am so fucking hungry, lets get some eats!!!"

Quatre watched his friend go, thoughtfully, already realizing that Duo was no where near passed Heero's death, and making the resolution, that he would be the one to help his best friend get that far. Resolve firmly in place, Quatre allowed himself a smile as he headed off downstairs to make sure his best friend didn't literally blow up the kitchen, while trying to give the microwave a little more…power.

~~**~~

To be Continued

Well, how was it? A little feedback really wouldn't go astray puh lease!!!

~Arith