Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Some Way Back ❯ And the Sky Cracks ( Chapter 22 )

Well here we are again… yay, almost there!!! BTW I still don't own them and am pouting right now about that very fact. But my warped mind does own the story idea so nyah… at least I own something… if indeed you can call it that.

Thanks for sticking with me this far btw.

Anyway hope you enjoy, if you wish to archive this story or be on the mailing list to find out when I update then please email me arithkenshin@yahoo.co.uk and reviews are always welcome, pleaded neeeedded!!!

#*# = scene change

~ words in direct thought to oneself

~#~ Flashback

~~**~~ end of chapter

^^Italics should be song lyrics^^

Without further ado, ta daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Some Way Back: And the Sky Cracks

^^You're in my mind all of the time
I know that's not enough
if the sky can crack
there must be some way back
for love and only love^^

Duo's mind was reeling. That voice, there was no fucking way, not that voice; those inflections. His chest burnt and he found it hard to breath as he slowly turned, eyes focused on the floor. Afraid that his legs wouldn't carry him for much longer he gripped onto the desk tightly with his hands, somehow the right one still managed to grip the gun. Slowly, almost unwillingly, he raised his eyes to look at the place where the voice had come from.

When his gaze rested on what he couldn't quite register, he was glad he had leant against the desk. His arms caught him, keeping him steady as he took in the sight standing not 5 meters away from him.

"H…H…Heero." One of his hands had somehow loosened itself and was reaching out to the man standing at the other end of the room, almost involuntarily. Realizing what he was doing, he snatched the hand back, barely registering that the other man flinched.

And then the memories hit him, like a ton of bricks. The rubbery texture of Heero's skin when he had kissed the `dead Heero' goodbye in the morgue; the way those nightmares kept trying to tell him something…rubber…it had been fake. The fact that the only person who could have possibly put the watch on his arm without waking him up, would have been Heero. The camera and the constant feelings of being watched that he had learned to ignore. The occasional interrupted vid- conversation that Une had seemed too eager to end. But then the grand prize hit him as he realized that neither Une, Sally or Zechs, had ever actually told him that Heero was dead. They had never lied. They had said he was taken away from him, or that Duo had lost him, or even that he had been removed from the equation, but they had never ever said that the man he loved was dead.

Quatre was watching his best friend, concerned, but couldn't seem to get the look of shocked horror off his face.

Heero watched the man he had missed for 18 months carefully, not knowing how he would react, but hoping against hope that he was going to be ok. There were factors he hadn't figured into this mission, but he had to believe that it was all going to work out, he just had to.

Duo slowly looked around the room. With relief he saw the looks of shocked horror on the faces of Quatre, Wufei and Trowa; good, they hadn't known anything about it. Almost reluctantly he looked behind him to see Une and Sally studying the ground intently and the anger started to build in him. He almost didn't look over at Zechs, but he knew that he had to; it was just that he would feel a great sense of betrayal at what he was fairly sure he would see.

As his eyes met those ice blue ones, he saw pain and regret in them, and it released his anger. Adrenaline flowed through his veins once more and he began to seethe, no longer tired.

Zechs saw the reaction, and immediately knew he had lost the friendship he had gained. Taking first one step towards Duo he was the first to break the silence as he spoke while taking a second step.

"Duo…we can explain…"

Faster than anyone could manage to follow with their eyes Duo was in front of Zechs, shaking in rage, before winding his right arm back and smashing it into Zech's face, sending the man flying across the room, into the wall.

"Explain!" The outrage and malice in his voice, made every person in the room's blood run cold.

"Fucking explain?!!!" He laughed, an almost maniacal laugh. "You want to explain this." All of a sudden the voice was low and deadly as he whipped around to Une and Sally, who had backed themselves into a corner.

Menacingly he advanced on the women. The streaks of black down his face looked like dried tears of blood, everything about him was imposing, everything about him screamed tension.

Voice still menacingly quiet he played with his gun. "Do you know what I did ladies?" He peered at them. "I mean honestly, do you know what I did today?"

They shook their heads, silently.

"I carved a man's chest to pieces…out of revenge, did you know that?"

Blanching a little they shook their heads again, while vaguely in the background Duo could hear a gasp.

Eyes distant as he remembered, Duo continued. "I put him through some of the pain, that I have gone through in the last 18 months and drew out his death as long as I could, before I blew his brains out." The voice was clinically detached, as if he needed to distance himself from what he had done. "Because you see, I thought the man had knowingly mutilated and killed the man I loved."

He turned waving the gun around in the air.

"But as it turns out…that fucking bastard isn't even dead."

His eyes were glinting dangerously, teetering on the brink of sanity.

"So today, amongst other amazing accomplishments, I managed to torture a man, who didn't technically deserve it." For a few moments he just stood there a thoughtful look on his face. For so long in fact that the others thought he had spaced out.

Suddenly he shook his head again, as if to clear something out of it, and his voice was so soft that they had to strain to hear him.

"So explain to me, if you will, how it was decided to use me like that?" His eyes blazed once again and his voice got louder.

"Explain how and who the fuck had the right to decide to use me like this."

Heero flinched at those words, drawing Duo's attention back to him. A cruel smile crossed Duo's lips as his gaze fell on his dead lover once again.

"Ahhh yes…the perfect soldier." The sarcasm in his voice was cutting, but Quatre couldn't help silently cheering on his friend.

"Did your mission go according to plan, oh fearless leader?"

Heero's eyes widened, but it seemed he couldn't say anything.

"Oh what, the cat got your tongue?" He continued without waiting for an answer. "Pity, cause otherwise I am thinking it would look pretty fucking nice on a necklace." His voice was getting louder and he started advancing towards Heero.

The advance turned into a stalk towards the man he hadn't seen for about 18 months; the man he had believed dead for the past 18 months. Coming to a stop directly in front of Heero, Duo, although shorter, somehow managed to look down his nose at the other man, a sneer playing on his otherwise beautiful face.

Letting his gaze wander up and down the body of his long dead lover, Duo felt repulsed by the attraction he still felt physically for the man.

So fast that no one registered, least of all Heero in his shocked state, Duo brought up his hand again and smashed it into Heero's face. The shocked man staggered, falling to his knees with the force of the blow.

Fists clenched at his side, and violet black eyes blazing, Duo stood over the fallen man as he tried to get up. Aiming to cause pain, he kicked Heero in the ribs, causing him to cry out in surprised pain.

Quatre watched, dispassionately, debating idly whether or not he should go and interfere, but frankly he thought Heero deserved everything he was getting and was therefore quite content to stand back and watch it all transpire. And as Trowa and Wufei had made no move to go and aid their former comrade, Quatre felt sure that they felt the same way.

Sally had moved to Zechs side, to help the platinum blond stand up, but the man didn't want her help. Instead, his gaze was riveted to the couple on the other side of the room.

Not paying attention to the tears that started leaking out of Prussian blue eyes, Duo kicked again for good measure. His own tears had dried long ago, he didn't care for anyone else's anymore, least of all Heero's.

Distancing himself once more, Duo hid behind his dispassionate mask, looking down at the form before him scornfully.

"Do you have any idea what you did to me?"

Heero tried to speak, but found himself too winded to do so, although he figured it didn't matter, since he didn't think Duo meant the question to be anything other than rhetorical anyway.

Ripping the shirt on his arms, Duo revealed the ugly white scars that traveled from his wrist to elbow on each arm and knelt down, shoving them in Heero's face.

"I wanted to join you Heero."

Heero swallowed. "I… I…it…"

"No, don't try and convince yourself I wouldn't have died, because if I had been a little more careful and not made as much noise when I broke the mirror, these guys would never have realized what I was doing and I would be pushing up daisies right now."

Heero's face paled underneath his natural tan. He hadn't realized that Duo would come that close, that he had in fact actually come that close.

"Ahh, didn't think I was that weak did you. Well I am. And that was just the beginning. Did you honestly think I would survive? Because I almost didn't!"

"But you did!" Heero couldn't help himself, but wished he had, because all he got was another punch in the face for his efforts.

Duo's face was close to Heero's now, so close that the latter could feel his breath when he spoke, no matter how soft the words were. "No. Fucking. Thanks. To. You." The words were almost spat into Heero's face.

Getting to his feet, Duo hauled Heero with him, the adrenaline rush giving him strength.

"Why the fuck Heero? How the fuck could you do it to me?"

"The mission… Duo…" Was all Heero could manage to choke out.

Anger gripping a hold of him once more, Duo flung the Japanese man into the wall, screaming in anger.

"FUCK the damned mission Yuy! This isn't a fucking war anymore!"

"But it could have been." Was the soft reply.

"Not if you'd fucking used your vocal chords and asked me!"

"I… didn't…didn't…think…"

Duo saw red and his voice lowered again, dangerously as he rounded on the ex-wing pilot once again. "That's just it. You never think!"

"But Duo, I love you!" Heero forced his eyes to meet Duo's.

Which was probably the one thing that Heero should not have said at all, as Duo's voice changed to that he used when taunting people he was about to kill.

"Don't look at me. You gave up that right 18 fucking months ago. In 18 months things change Yuy. In 18 fucking months people change, circumstances change." His voice was rising as he had finally reached where Heero was lying on the ground.

Aiming another kick he hit the other man so hard it wouldn't be surprising if he spat blood.

Voice low and cold he aimed parting words to hurt. "Someone like you doesn't deserve me."

Turning, gun still in hand, Duo dashed out of the room, before the tears that were threatening to, could overwhelm him.

The room was silent.

Heero lay on the ground fighting for breath that seemed not to want to come, wondering if it would perhaps be better if he didn't let the breath come anymore. Duo literally hated him. He had thought that when he heard him say that over the last 18 months that that was maybe just his way of hiding the fact that he still loved Heero and was simply just feeling hurt, but the more he lay there, the more he realized that no, Duo really did hate him at that point in time.

Quatre watched Heero for a few minutes. Looking at the man he had fought side by side with in the wars, he couldn't believe that he had been so stupid as to pull the stunt he had pulled. Mission or no, he just lost the man that he loved. Wait, he had caused that much pain to the man he supposedly loved that it was unforgivable. Something clicked inside Quatre and he walked over to Heero.

#*#

Duo ran through the corridors, finding himself somehow standing outside his systems room. Backing away, he didn't want to go in there. That was where he had started everything, where he had begun to be used as the annihilator that he was. Falling down, he almost crawled away on his hands and knees before staggering back up and heading towards the one place he knew he could actually go to and be and feel free… the garage. He needed to let go and feel the wind through his hair, fucked if it was raining, he didn't care about anything anymore. Duo just wanted to escape into oblivion.

Heero was alive, all this time, he had been alive…and all that time there had been no reason for Duo to be alone.

#*#

Trowa and Wufei watched in silence as their shorter lover made his way over to where Heero lay on the ground. Quatre was the only one moving and the look on his face, was probably, for the first time in his entire life, unreadable.

Softly, so that only Wufei could hear him Trowa spoke. "Interesting…"

"Yes, it will be…" The reply was just as soft.

"Should we?"

"No, leave him be, I think he needs this."

Trowa just nodded and relaxed a little as he watched events unfold.

Heero started as a hand was reached down to him from above, his eyes slowly rising to meet the concerned rather greener than blue eyes that looked down at him. Tentatively he took the hand that was offered to him.

"Are you okay Heero?" Quatre's voice sounded a little different than he remembered, but Heero simply put that down to the fact that he hadn't been around the others for over 18 months.

Nodding his head, he stood, a little shaky on his legs, testing his body carefully to see if anything was cracked or broken, but it didn't appear that way. "I…I'm fine…I think… just a little shaken up."

Quatre was looking at his friend intently an alien expression on his usually soft features. The overtone to his voice was strange, Heero couldn't place it, Trowa and Wufei looked on in mild amusement and the other occupants of the room, focused on the now strawberry blond. "Really? Are you sure Heero, I mean, really sure? Nothing broken or anything?"

Puzzled at having to reassure the blond again, Heero repeated himself. "I'm fine, a little bruised I think, but fine…"

"Oh good!" Quatre's expression changed so fast, it made Heero take a small step backwards, though he wished he had taken a few more steps after a while. The voice speaking to him, had become feral, alien, completely un Quatre-like. "Because I wouldn't want to waste my energy on something that's already broken."

That was all the warning Heero got, before a very hard right hook hit his face. He staggered, looking up at Quatre in complete surprise. Quatre had hit him; gentle, caring, loving, never-hurt-a-fly Quatre had punched him and punched him good. Looking around slowly he realized that Wufei and Trowa were giving him their versions of death glares. At least Wufei was, Trowa had even less of an expression on his face than usual, which actually said something. Had he really misjudged the situation so badly? Almost scared to, he allowed his eyes to raise and meet Quatre's, and reeled from the shock.

The blonde's eyes were blazing, as if all the anger he had ever kept bottled up was actually coming to a forefront. He pinned Heero with that gaze, putting all of those feeling into it, everything. Making a tidal wave of emotions he released them, forcing them onto his former comrade. Even seeing the pain that flashed through Heero's eyes didn't stop Quatre.

"Do you see Heero?" He took another step towards the man, his countenance no longer one that brought peace. "Can you feel what you did to him? Can you?"

Heero's face paled, and his hand flew to his cheek, wiping the blood that ran from his lip away. "I…it…"

Another punch connected squarely with the other side of Heero's face, sending him staggering back again. Quatre didn't have the strength that Duo had, but he was angry and hurt, perhaps it hurt even more because it was Quatre who was lashing out.

"Don't even fucking try Heero. No excuse is going to be enough." Quatre couldn't keep it inside. Everything that he had talked through with Duo while they had been on the mission together; all of the things that he had managed to eventually pry from his best friends lips. All of them; they were made into a lie, all of Duo's pain, all of his feelings and all of the torment he had been going through had been for nothing. Just because Heero couldn't differentiate, couldn't tell exactly what his mate needed, even seemed to have miscalculated how much healing his lover had actually gone through, had killed the Duo they all knew and loved. It made Quatre so angry, it made him want to kill something and the blond very rarely wanted to harm anything, but now all he wanted to do was show Heero just how much he had hurt Duo, and then show him just how much he had hurt the rest of them; and then, he never wanted to see him again.

Everything flitted through Quatre's mind. The nights he had spent trying to build Duo up enough to heal. The nights he had spent just being there for his friend, through the nightmares, through the violent little episodes that usually ended up with him trying to harm himself in some way. He remembered how long it had taken for his long haired friend to actually start to open up at all. And now everything had been for nothing, now Duo had been hit for a six*1*; thrown back further than he had managed to come. Quatre couldn't forgive Heero for that; there were a lot of things he couldn't forgive Heero for and he was going to show the Prussian eyed man, just what he had done. Punches weren't necessary for something like that; Quatre was an empath, he wouldn't let Heero stand a chance.

Focusing himself inwards for a second, Quatre opened his eyes again, resting them on Heero's troubled face. Idly he managed to realize that Heero was probably actually very sorry for what he had done at that moment, because his face was actually showing an expression. But to be completely honest, Quatre didn't give a shit about his feelings anymore.

Lightly he began to project the feelings he had picked up from Duo, and as soon as Heero's face began to blanch just that little bit more he knew it had worked the way it was supposed to, now all he had to do was lace words in to make the feelings impact and he could get the man to feel like shit.

#*#

Duo walked almost blindly, still not exactly sure what he wanted to do. The garage would have the bike in it, and if he hopped on the bike, maybe he could forget anything and everything that had ever happened to him. At that moment in time he would even welcome amnesia. He felt like the slight bit of equilibrium he had regained over the last few months had been torn away from him and he was now hovering in space. The stress was too much, and he knew there was no fucking way in hell his medication was going to compensate. Still on the way to the bike, he began to laugh. It wasn't a sane laugh; it was a laugh that bridged the edges of insanity threatening to pull all those who heard it into the abyss. People shied away as he passed by.

#*#

The other five occupants of Une's office were locked in fascination at the sight that unfolded before them.

His voice was smooth like velvet, dripping in blood. "Have you any idea what you have done Heero?"

The man being spoken to lowered his head into his hands, trying to look away from Quatre.

"Look at me when I talk to you damn it!" The voice was harsh; commanding and Heero had no choice but to do as he was told.

"He tried to kill himself, I assume you do know that?" The voice conveyed the feelings of loss and anguish that had accompanied the attempt and tears started to form in Prussian those eyes. "Ahh yes, you did know, and you still stayed away?" Scorn laced every single word, making the question need no answer at all. Quatre advanced on the man in front of him, causing the latter to start backing himself up against the wall, having to stop when he hit it. Heero almost cringed away from the tone in Quatre's voice.

"He lost it a lot. The nightmares, the violent streak, the memories…all too much for him to handle at once." Fists clenched at his side and Quatre put all his frustration and anger into that thread he was feeding to his once friend.

"You see Heero, you killed a part of him, you killed his soul." The anger the blond felt bubbled over and he couldn't help but lean in closer, voice in a deadly whisper. " You selfish fucking bastard. For the sake of a mission you almost killed the one person who loves you, or at any rate who loved you."

Finally it seemed that Heero had found some of his vocal chords, although what he said was garbled and mumbled. "He…has to love me…has to…" His eyes were lost and his shoulders sagged; the perfect soldier looked more defeated than Quatre ever thought he was capable of looking, but for some reason it just made him angrier.

"No Heero, he doesn't have to do anything for you. You ripped his heart out and annihilated his soul." Because Heero still didn't seem to get it, Quatre grabbed hold of his face harshly and forced him to keep eye contact.

"Because of what you did Heero, the only love he seems to be able to manage is that of a friend. He has blocked himself off from loving as more than that and it is you who has done it. It is you who has taken that ability of his to love and care so freely away from him. You took a part of Duo Maxwell that was integral to his entire personality and you tore it away." Quatre released his face.

If someone had dropped a pin right then, it would have been louder than a gun shot.

#*#

Revving the bike Duo concentrated on the sense of power beneath his legs. Not caring that it was Heero's bike he was using he gunned the engine once more before taking off. Half chestnut hair flowed half out of the braid as the wind grabbed a hold of it, and he half closed his eyes against the rush of air that accosted him. Tears he thought he couldn't cry anymore ran down his face in torrents as he ran over the past 18 months in his head again, regretting, reliving and hating himself for everything.

#*#

Heero's mouth wouldn't work; it was like there was something holding back his ability to speak. Finally though, he seemed to overcome it.

"I…Cat, I never meant for it to come to this…it wasn't supposed to…"

"Wasn't supposed to do what, oh perfect one?" Sarcasm would have dripped from his mouth if that were at all possible.

Trowa looked at Wufei and raised an eyebrow, as if to ask if they should go in and lend Quatre some moral support. Wufei just shook his head in such a manner as if to say that he was fairly sure that Quatre could handle it all by himself and even do so impressively. Trowa just nodded in confirmation and turned his attention back to the scene in front of him.

"I didn't think it…"

That was it, Quatre had had enough. Pouring all the hate he felt for the man at that point in time into what he said, the words were aimed to sting. "That's just it Heero, you didn't think. None of you fucking thought. You took Duo's amazing nature and you used him. There is no other nice way to put it. You used him, you used us and you just happen to have fucked up the best thing that ever happened to you…all because you underestimated him." Stretching his back, Quatre cocked his head to one side and looked at Heero rather thoughtfully. "Duo Maxwell is a lot more complex than I ever realized, I still don't know half of what I want to about him, and there is no way I think I can ever get to know that half of him. He gave that part to you Heero…and you threw it all away. That is a part of him no one else will ever get…you stupid fucking bastard." Contempt underlay ever word he spoke and the look of disdain he directed at Heero spoke volumes.

Still trying to come to terms with just what he had done, Heero shook his head, his perfect soldier mask slipping back into place for a brief moment. "He is strong enough, he is good enough to do what I had left for him to do."

"Damn it Heero, he isn't like any of us. He is one of the most emotional people I know, and he reacts to those emotions. He…" Quatre didn't get any further as he doubled over in pain.

#*#

The tears were blinding his eyes as Duo drove down the winding road. Not caring that he was getting faster and faster, he simply let the air run over him and around him, simply trying to make it blow away the pain that he felt. He closed his eyes for a moment.

Duo opened his eyes again just in time to see the safety railing looming ahead of him. ~Fuck~ it was all he could think before the bike impacted with the railing and sent him sailing over the top towards the trees of the wood on the side of the road. As he sailed through the air, he noted absently that the bike was going to go further than him. All thoughts ceased however as his shoulder impacted against the trunk of a tree, tearing an agonized scream out of his throat before the world blacked out around him.

#*#

In the not too far distance an explosion could be heard as Trowa and Wufei ran to the side of their fallen lover, who was breathing shallowly. Heero, who had made a step towards the fallen blonde, immediately stopped as he saw the brief look of dislike that both of the other ex-pilots shot his way.

Quatre opened his eyes, a pained and haunted look covering his face. Pushing himself to his feet and battering the worried hands of his two lovers away he stood. "Duo…get a medic team… Duo is badly injured…the explosion."

Heero's world started to fall apart, and it took him a few moments before he could manage to get his body to obey his directions and follow the others out of the office.

#*#

Arriving at the scene, it was easy to see where the bike had gone through the railing. Quatre scanned wildly for Duo, spotting him at the same time that Heero did and running to the injured man's side, the Preventer emergency team following close behind.

Duo's body lay crumpled at the base of one of the trees on the outskirts of the little wood that ran alongside the road. His left shoulder looked like it had been hit with a sledge hammer; blood flowing from a large gash and there were a few cuts on his forehead that looked fresher than the ones covering his back, meaning he had gotten them from the accident. The bronzed tone that his skin had had, had somehow turned a sickly yellow, giving testimony to the fact that he had lost a lot of blood and the shoulder that had obviously smashed into one of the trees was almost mangled beyond recognition. His brow was furrowed with a worried frown that he couldn't seem to be rid of even when unconscious and tears were drying on his pale cheeks. As the Emergency medical team prepared Duo's body carefully to be carried back to the Ambulance, the head medic looked at Quatre pointedly.

"Just one on the ride to the hospital Mr. Winner."

Quatre nodded, looking coldly at Heero for a second. "You are not needed." And he turned and followed the Medics back to the vehicle.

Heero just stayed put, impassive mask pulled over his features. He watched them carry the man he loved away on a stretcher, he watched Quatre get into the ambulance with the man he loved and drive away. Only then did he let himself give in to the torment he was going through inside.

Dropping to his knees, beside where Duo's body had lain, he let his head fall into his hands. What the hell had he done, what the hell had he been thinking?

"Please let Duo be alive, so I can make everything up to him, please let him live…" Repeating the mantra over and over to himself, Heero rocked himself back and forth until the rain began again.

~~**~~

*1*

To be hit for a six. In Cricket, which is a game played a lot in Australia, the highest scoring run that can be hit is a six. This goes over the fence… almost like a home run in baseball being hit into the stands. Basically it just means that you get slammed away pretty badly. That you are stunned. I now return you to waiting for the next chapter and thank you for paying attention to this lesson of strange slang from other countries.

To be Continued

Please remember that although Heero may seem to be a little ooc in this chapter, he is actually just reacting to everything. The crap he has just managed to pull is enough to make anyone act a little off beat, however the Heero we all know and love will return ;).

Well ne? What ya think, good, bad, ugly??? Feeeeeeeeed me reviews puhlease… I like reviews hehe

Next chapter will come soon, very soon, promise!!!

~Arith