Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Some Way Back ❯ Not Enough ( Chapter 23 )

Warning… this is the last chapter… I will write a sequel, and I am not only going to write a sequel if people review. I will write a sequel anyway, but reviews are always welcomed and loved and stuff like that. Eventually I will also write a prequel. However I have a web-site to work on, and an original to continue developing, so please bear with me.

Disclaimer: No… I don't own them, even though I tried really hard to…and I have no money cause I spend it all on manga's and anime's and traveling to visit friends ;) oh and computer games.

There is about a page or so of notes to start this chapter off, if you don't want to read them, scroll past them /snicker…they are simply a lot of thank you's.

That this story has actually come this far is due to a few factors. One of those is that I am a complete and utter Gundam Wing Duo freak and I had to write a story with him in it. Another reason is that I have been trying for years to write originals but have always stopped because I thought I wrote like shit, so I made a deal with myself. If I could finish this fan fic and actually get people to read it and enjoy it, then I must be able to write ok and therefore I promised myself I would begin to develop one of my originals once it was finished.

The other reasons though, are those of you who took the entire 90 second portion of your lives to review for me. I only have my fics archived here, so this is the only place I get any feedback from, and I am fully aware that it probably isnt the best place to come for feeback, but I don't really like ff.net. So I want to thank each and every one of you who reviewed.

Nanashi chick - your review actually gave me the courage to post more than the first couple of chapters.

Heaven - I was so happy to get your review because I find emotions a very hefty part of being able to capture a reader, I was so glad it came across properly. Your review added to my courage.

Enna - *huggles* hon thank you for everything… specially Duo ;) … your reviews made me proud and gave me the ability to fight against the stupid self doubt I manage to go through when I am writing. Thank you so much hon, I owe this story one of my best friends because without it I would never have met you. I will come again and visit soon.

Bulma JR - It was nice to read that other people like a vengeful Duo, hope I made him kick enough ass ;)

Cool - Thank you for the birth date, you were the only one who answered me and I was so happy that at least someone did. Sorry I didn't use that date, but the one site I saw Feb 29th on appealed to me. Thank you so much for the other reviews hehe They kinda made my day. I am going to write a sequel and then probably a prequel. Would that make it an arc? And I hope my computer never dies as well hehe.

Deb - The only one!!! You were the only one /snicker. Well done. If I could send you a prize I would hehe. Glad you liked it!

Fys - You gave me an extremely amazing review that made me feel great, I was having a bad day. I adore Duo, there is no way in hell he was ever not intelligent. Hope it fulfilled your expectations.

Homicidal Maniac - Loved the name to start with /snicker, since that is how I feel on my good days ;). Your review came after a major writers block where I had no idea if what I was writing sounded like shit or not. That you took the time to read this story that was only supposed to be about 6 chapters long, made me feel great. Thanks. Hope it didn't disappoint and hope your questions were answered.

Duokitty - Hope you guessed right! Thanks for egging me on.

Ita-chan - Sorry about the coupling confusion. I have a major weakness for 1x2x1 as well. Heero wasn't actually supposed to figure in this story to start with, it was going to be a 2x6, because I have a Duo fetish and my Goldfish has a Zechs fetish, but I couldn't leave him out of it, and after writing the 1st chapter he became the main pairing. Sorry that I didn't make it clear in the summary, I will change it. Glad you stuck with it though. . Oh and don't worry, I actually adore Heero, lots of Heero soul searching coming up!

Asayake - Your review was much better than an I like it post more one, though I am guilty of that myself sometimes. Thank you.

Dreamweaver - Glad you liked it, sorry about the preventers

Lead7girl - Thank you so much! I am glad you enjoyed it so far, hope this chapter doesn't disappoint too much

People who sent me emails - There are a few of you who sent emails to tell me to keep writing, and although I clean out that account on a regular basis I would still like to say thank you very much for egging me on.

Lianna - my regular email reviewer and my now poor beta sacrifice! Thank you hon, for everything. And your wonderful beta-reading. You truly are a gem.

Last but definitely not least, My Goldfish. - Without you hon, I would NEVER have had the guts to post anything; ever, not even a little. Thank you for giving me everything that you have and for putting up with me; even when my sun doesn't shine you make it a little easier to sit in the rain.

Ok Sop over. *hugs* to everyone

Anyway hope you enjoy, if you wish to archive this story or be on the mailing list to find out when I update then please email me arithkenshin@yahoo.co.uk and reviews are always welcome, pleaded neeeedded!!!

#*# = scene change

~ words in direct thought to oneself

~#~ Flashback

~~**~~ end of chapter, or end of the fic in this case!!!

Enjoy!!!

Some Way Back: Not Enough

* Beep *

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Quatre perched nervously on the edge of the chair next to the bed, a worried expression on his face. Trowa and Wufei stood to either side of him, all three looking down at the pale longhaired man on the bed and ignoring the silent figure standing in the corner. Not only was the blond Arab worried about the friend who was hooked up to the machines on the bed; he was rather miffed at the fact that he had not been able to stop Heero from being in the same room with the rest of them. Damn that next of kin that Duo had never thought to change. It gave Heero the right to do a lot of things that Quatre was quite certain the unconscious boy would have withdrawn from the perfect soldier, had he indeed been awake. As it was, until he woke, there was nothing any of them could actually do to stop Heero from being in the room with them. So instead, they chose to ignore him.

Standing in the far corner of the room, Heero was actually quite surprised at the pain he felt due to Quatre's disdain of him, but he didn't let it show. He didn't let his eyes wander from the still form on the bed, even if it was for a second. Pulling the mask around him that had sustained him for the last 18 months and before that, through the wars, he simply let his face remain impassive. All of his hopes rested on that form that lay in the bed. To be honest, although the disdain that Quatre, Trowa and Wufei showed him hurt a little, it was the look in Duo's eyes, the pure betrayal that radiated from his love that made him want to recoil in hatred of himself. That Duo wouldn't understand why Heero had done what he had done had never even crossed his mind. It was all that sustained him those 18 months long of not having his Duo; the fact that he would have Duo again. But now everything was wrong.

Shaking his head, he still didn't take his eyes off the sleeping figure. But now that was looking very doubtful. Prussian eyes unfocused a little as he lost himself to his thoughts. Heero had honestly believed, when he told Une and Sally that he agreed with their plan, that Duo would understand; that Duo had overcome the worst and wouldn't regress back to where he had been before. How wrong he had been. He had let the one person who had let him feel, who had let him in and accepted him for everything that he was and he had done, down. Of course he had also done it in a way that had completely betrayed that person's trust, which had never been lightly placed; almost regressed him to the state he had been in three years earlier; almost killed him and probably royally fucked up his head again. ~Way to go Heero, way to fucking go!~

Idly Heero wondered if Duo really hated him. He hoped not, but from everything he had seen earlier, he wouldn't be surprised if he did. Of course at that point in time Heero also felt that he deserved it. Because despite his inability to exhibit and understand his own feelings completely, he did understand Duo. And Duo had been hurt badly, deeply and probably permanently. A small sigh escaped his lips, causing 3 sets of eyes to be almost unwillingly directed his way. ~Good one Heero, maybe you really should have died.~

Heero's eyes left the figure on the bed for the first time as the doctor walked in, straight to him. Silently thanking whatever it was that had made Duo not take his name off the next of kin listing, Heero graced the man with a nod as he approached.

"My Yuy?"

"Yes?"

"You are Mr Maxwell's next of kin?"

"Yes…" At least he hoped he was; he wanted to be, but he doubted it highly…so that really wasn't a lie was it?

A raised eyebrow looked at him. "Life partner I take it then, since you look nothing alike."

Heero simply nodded, trying to ignore the growl he could almost hear from Quatre for making that claim.

The doctor simply nodded. "Well you will be happy to hear that Mr Maxwell had fairly minor injuries apart from his shoulder. Over the next few weeks we will administer surgery so as to re-knit the bones and he should be out of here in about three weeks time."

"Why isn't he waking up?"

"Mr Maxwell is severely underweight and it appears that he has not been sleeping well. Has he been under any particularly large doses of stress lately?"

Heero audibly gulped and simply nodded, feeling the daggers that were being glared at him from across the room; he could almost hear Wufei tell him the feelings that were coursing through him were pure justice.

"Well that would explain a little of it. But anyway it will probably be a while before he wakes up. Though it shouldn't take more than about three days. He lost a lot of blood, add that to his lack of sustenance and poor stamina at the moment and his body is forcing him to rest whether he likes it or not."

"He is not in danger?"

"No Mr Yuy. The only danger he is in is of me getting angry if he doesn't start feeding himself properly. From the looks of things it has been neglected for a very long time."

Nodding once more Heero's gaze returned to the bed, clearly dismissing the doctor from his presence.

Quatre was angry. He had heard every word that Heero had said, and it was just wrong of him to give himself out like that when he knew that Duo would have had no part of it. A hand laid on his shoulder and he looked up into concerned onyx orbs. The hand squeezed his shoulder gently raising him up to his feet and the head of black hair bent close to his ear, laying a gentle kiss on it, before speaking softly.

"Cat, love…you heard the doctor, Duo isn't going to wake up anytime soon. We should get going home while we can, because he will need us once he wakes up."

"Fei… I …"

"Quatre, no. Leave him here alone with him. Look at him, you should be able to feel him if I can't see it." He waited till Quatre had indeed had a look, and Wufei saw the face of his lover halt a little in its sternness. "Seeing Duo like this, that is justice and he deserves every bit of it."

Nodding at Wufei a little absently Quatre let himself be led out of the room.

Heero didn't even acknowledge the departure. Instead, he simply concentrated on the figure in the bed, still hoping against hope, that Duo would forgive him for what Heero was slowly coming to realize, had been the biggest misjudgment of his life.

The beeps of the monitoring machines mocked him.

#*#

"He isn't, is he Wufei?" Trowa actually looked a little harried. His usually rather impassive face actually had a perturbed expression on it.

"Yes, I believe he actually is." Wufei crossed his arms and watched things being thrown over the railing of the upper floors and landing with thuds and crashs on the ground near his feet. Sighing, he realized that Trowa was, as usual, not going to do anything to interfere. Muttering under his breath, he made his way up the stairs. "Fine, I'll go and do the dirty work again, ne?"

The fact that he had his back to Trowa meant that he missed the half smile that crossed the green eyed man's lips for a brief moment.

Reaching the room that Heero and Duo had shared, he stayed just outside of it, not wanting to get in the way of flying objects. Hearing mumbled comments from within, and a lack of visible flying objects Wufei decided to chance it.

"Quatre?"

Rustling could be heard before a face poked around the door. "'Fei?"

"Although it should probably be obvious to me, just what are you doing?"

Putting his hands on his hips, and probably not realizing just how appetizing he looked to his lover right then Quatre simply raised an eyebrow. "You can't honestly expect me to want that man in my house ever again? Therefore I am packing for him and will take his shit and dump it at his feet in a cardboard box. He can go back to whatever rock he was living under for the last year and a half for all I care."

Wufei frowned. This was very unlike Quatre…unless…he was feeding off gathered emotions…or else he was losing control. Neither option appealed to Wufei, so he tried another way.

"Cat…you're being a little aggressive. Talk to me, what's wrong?" Wufei's voice was soft and soothing, as always and it made Quatre feel a little ashamed to have caused him so much worry, but the blond just couldn't help himself.

"You just don't understand `Fei!"

Valiantly keeping his frustration under control, Wufei nodded a little. "Exactly Cat, and I cannot help you if you don't help me understand."

Torn between the confidences he and Duo shared, and the fact that it was almost driving him insane, Quatre took a middle-ground option.

"I just got through spending 6 months with my best friend `Fei."

Wufei nodded and joined Quatre sitting on the landing, as the latter had dropped himself to his knees. Knowing that more was coming Wufei chose to sit silent.

"He… do you have any idea how strong Duo is? Can be? He hid everything from us. I mean all of his feelings. Granted we knew that he wasn't always as happy as he pretended to be, but he hid his feelings after Heero `died'. Bottled them up and locked them away… literally. That is very hard for an empathy with training and virtually impossible for a person who is emotional…probably emotionally unstable…and in pain." Quatre let himself fall onto the floor completely, knees splayed to either side, chin resting on his chest.

"You know the funny thing is, I call myself his best friend and I didn't even know him properly until recently. And the thing that is even worse, is that I still don't think I know him now." A sigh escaped Quatre's lips and Wufei just let him be, knowing Quatre needed to talk.

"He is a wreck, emotionally, psychologically, physically. He didn't deal with the war during the war, not properly, and he seems ill equipped to deal with it now as well. Heero was his security blanket, the one thing that made him feel like he was worth something and that thing just screwed him over. The dreams he has `Fei." Haunted eyes sought out onyx and Quatre's voice lowered to a whisper. "Those dreams would make the most original and best ever horror movie to hit the big screen. He dreams of things my imagination cant even comprehend, of things that make my blood run cold, and he only told me about a couple of them." Drawing his arms around his body, the blonde suddenly felt cold. "I don't know what Heero was thinking, but Duo was in no way shape or form ready to deal with life without him, and I for one, cannot forgive him unless Duo does." Taking a breath Quatre leant closer to Wufei, almost whispering.

"And do you know what's even worse." A simple shake of his head was sufficient response from Wufei.

"He still loves him `Fei. After everything he did and after all he put him through, Duo still loves Heero more than anything else in the universe, but he hates him with a passion as well. All I can do is be there and be his friend, I hope we are enough to help him through this."

Wufei nodded, understanding not quite there, but beginning to dawn on him. "Want me to help you pack the box?"

A small ghost of a smile graced Quatre's lips. "Only if you kiss me first."

Gathering the smaller man into his arms Wufei smiled down at him. "If you insist." All thoughts of Heero coming to justice fleeing his mind as he claimed soft rosebuds that he had missed for too long.

#*#

Sally and Une had stayed with Zechs, who had a mild concussion. The scene at the hospital wasn't pretty. Quatre had been projecting his distaste for each and every one of them and it had made the whole situation even more uncomfortable. The fact that the Winner heir had not been able to forbid Heero from Duo's room had made the fact that he could forbid Une, Sally and Zechs something the blonde relished in. The conversation had not been pretty.

~#~

"We are on leave Lady Une." Although Wufei spoke with respect, there was an underlying tone of scorn in his voice.

"You can't just take leave like that Wufei." As the Chinese man had raised his eyebrow, it had been Trowa who spoke.

"But yes, we can…The amount of overtime we are owed from the past 18 months is illegal." Trowa actually smiled as he spoke.

Une was a little stumped. Sally looked up from the papers she was filling out for Zechs. "How long will you need?"

Quatre wasn't in a good mood. "Actually it is going to be a very long while at least."

"Come off it Quatre, how are you all going to manage."

"You forget who I am Lady Une!" Quatre's voice managed to convey that he didn't think she was a lady in any way shape or form. The dignity he gathered around himself like a cloak gave him an imposing look. "I have more than enough money to make sure that we are all very well taken care of."

"Ahhh yes." Sally sounded a little defeated. They were the best agents they had, the hole was going to take at least double the amount of agents to fill.

"Good, then we understand each other." Quatre turned and entered Duo's hospital room.

~#~

"You know Zechs? You're pretty lucky that he got distracted enough not to finish you off."

Zechs managed a mild glare. "Actually I am not lucky at all. He'd begun to trust me a little and that isn't something that Duo Maxwell does much at all. How to fuck over a friendship." He stared straight ahead, sighing. "What have we done to him, them?"

Une tore her eyes away from the reports she had brought with her to the hospital. "Heero chose to undertake the assignment, and I have a bad feeling about Duo."

"Why?"

She pointed to the reports, amongst which were Duo's medical reports. "The injury to his body is bad but not life threatening, they are just wondering how he is going to pull the surgery he will need with the amount of stress his body has been under in the last couple of years. Add to that, the fact that he is a little less than emotionally stable at the moment, I am a little worried about him."

Zechs laughed, he couldn't help it, and he couldn't stop. "I think it's a little late to think about that Une. Definitely too late."

#*#

Heero stood in the corner, watching Duo breath. The chest rose and fell rhythmically. It was a rhythm he could remember so well, a rhythm he yearned to hear again by laying his head on that chest, but it was a rhythm that he was now gravely doubting he would ever be permitted to hear again.

He thought desperately about everything they had been through; about all the things they had promised each other; about why it was that Duo hadn't realized even deep in his heart that Heero was still alive. Sorting through each of the thoughts in his head, Heero attacked his problem the only way he knew how; methodically and thoroughly.

First he analyzed their relationship. Duo had made him come out of his shell. The shell into which he had been trained. Instead of treating everything as a mission, Duo had enabled Heero to treat something, namely Duo, as something to be cherished. Although that was probably not something that Duo had realized during the war. If he thought about it, Heero realized he had never shown or told Duo how much he had meant to him during the war. Duo didn't know that he had given Heero a sanctuary from his training, in giving himself. In order to allow himself to be with Duo, Heero had had to fight against every instilled training that had told him to push feelings away. He had made the Prussian eyed man realize that emotions, when used properly, could actually be a strength. And so, Heero had found his strength in Duo. With the violet eyed boy he had been able to develop and understand those feelings. Duo had showed him how to feel and explained to him what the gut feelings he was getting were. When he really thought about it, he owed Duo a lot.

After the war their relationship had continued, granted they had had their ups and downs. Duo wasn't particularly stable in any way shape or form and he used Heero to lean upon. Heero on the other hand knew that he had been able to begin his life as a member of a `normal' society, only due to his lover's influence. Getting frustrated and eyes never leaving that rhythmic chest, Heero could see that maybe Duo hadn't been equipped to deal with his departure, but he could still not understand why Duo was reacting the way he was. Sure he had expected anger and frustration, but he had also thought Duo would get over it and be happy that Heero was still there. That however, was looking extremely unlikely at that point in time.

Sighing, Heero decided to examine another aspect since the one he was currently on was just making him melancholy. Their promises. Fine he knew they had sometimes been a little soppy and clingy, but he had also meant every promise he had ever made. He hadn't left Duo he had simply gone under cover on a mission and been away for a while. Ok, so technically, looking at it like that it was an omission. Wait, stop…an omission can be equated with a lie. ~Shit~ Heero had lied to him, at least in Duo's eyes. And in Duo's eyes that was probably the worst ever sin that anyone could ever do. In fact, if that person who lied to him was someone he trusted, it was the same as betraying Duo, in the worst possible way. Now that Heero had his answer to his other question of why Duo hadn't believed even deep in his heart that Heero was alive, the brown haired youth stumbled towards the chair next to the bed of the man he loved. Resting his head on the blankets he let a few tears fall down his face as he remembered.

He remembered Duo going down to visit the `body' in the morgue; he remembered the heart attack he had almost had when he was told Duo had tried to commit suicide and the relief he had felt at finding out he was ok; he remembered wishing he could kiss his lover as he placed the watch back on his wrist; he remembered watching him go and visit the `grave' and wishing that he could tell his lover that he was still alive; and he remembered trying to fall asleep every night and just wishing that he had Duo back.

Sitting back up Heero let the mask fall back over his face, and then he groaned as it suddenly hit him. Not only had he lied, even if indirectly, but by remaining `dead' he had exhibited an amount of distrust in Duo.

~Shit, why is hindsight always 20/20~

Laying his head on the bed, Heero waited for the morning to dawn. He would be lucky if Duo ever spoke to him again, let alone anything else.

#*#

Quatre hefted the box on his hip. It was rather large, but he needed to do this and his lovers knew he needed to do it, so they were just carrying Heero's clothing bags. Approaching the door to Duo's room, Quatre stopped and looked in, frowning at the sight in front of him. It was very early and the blonde was aware of that fact, but still, he hadn't thought that he would find Heero asleep with his head resting on Duo's bed. One of Duo's fragile hands hand wandered as if to play with the brunettes hair. The sight made Quatre pause; if only Heero hadn't pulled the shit he had that would be a really cute sight to see.

However Heero had fucked up badly, and he was going to suffer at least as much as Duo had, Quatre was going to make sure of that. Clearing his throat, and knowing Heero slept lightly, Quatre stepped into the room. As he had known it would, the sound he had made caused the Prussian eyed man to start and raise his head, the delicate fingers dropping from their resting place.

Looking around briefly, Heero orientated himself and looked over at the doorway to see Quatre standing there with a box in his arms. Nodding an acknowledgement, he did not make any effort to give up the position he had next to Duo's bed.

Wufei and Trowa followed Quatre into the room, and deposited their bags on the floor. Heero's gaze had returned to watching Duo's sleeping form.

Once again Quatre cleared his throat. "Heero."

Prussian blue eyes tore themselves reluctantly away from the figure on the bed, and looked at aquamarine depths, in silent question. The pain Quatre could see in those eyes before Heero masked it, almost made the blond rethink things, but only almost.

"We've brought your things for you to take with you. When Duo wakes up, I don't think you'll be able to stay here any longer." Pain flicked briefly across Heero's gaze as the reality of Quatre's words his him, but the blond barreled ahead. "You aren't welcome at my house, until you have made up for what you have done to him, and to all of us."

Heero felt surprised by that and it actually showed. "To all of you?"

"Yes, to all of us, Yuy!" Wufei was losing his temper, which had never been a hard thing for him to do in the first place. "We are all family; we have been for years. You didn't only betray one of us, you caused all of us pain."

"You just caused Duo more." Trowa's gaze was piercing.

Running over the new information in his mind Heero simply nodded absently, which seemed to anger the others more.

"Gods, Heero, you'd think after four years with Duo you'd have become a little more human!" Not caring how much his words had hurt, Quatre turned and left the room flanked on one side by Trowa.

Wufei, however stopped before he left the room and looked back at the man he had looked up to during the war. "Heero?"

Raising his head, Heero was a little surprised at the soft tone to Wufei's voice, Prussian eyes met onyx.

"You fucked up Heero. You fucked up badly. Although I will still offer you friendship, even I need some time for the wounds you have inflicted to heal."

Heero simply nodded.

"For what you made him go through, you need to make penance. It is complete justice for you to have to see him this way; for you to be rebuked. Accept that, and perhaps things will work out in the end, but don't expect your path to be easy." Making sure the other man had taken in all his words, Wufei simply nodded before leaving the room to catch up with his two lovers.

#*#

All he could do was sit and watch; he didn't know for how long he sat and watched, but he knew that he'd been doing it for a long time. Doctors and nurses came into the room, taking test and changing needles, giving him pitying or encouraging looks that he simply ignored. He almost didn't want Duo to wake up. Because if Duo woke up, then he would send Heero away, and then all that would be left was his cold and lonely apartment, that would never see the light that Duo leant everything that he came across.

So engrossed was he in his thoughts, that he didn't realize evening had fallen, and he hadn't realized that Duo had stirred.

#*#

The bed was strange and yet there was a presence at his side, something that made it all horribly familiar; something that although familiar, was wrong. The scent of the room was wrong as well, it was clean, disinfectant smelling. A small frown spread across his face as the rest of his body woke up. His left shoulder was numb, he couldn't feel it, but the little bits of pain all over the rest of his body made up for that lack of feeling. The frown spread as he realized that there were needles in his arms, feeding him something, and that in the silence of the room, there was a beeping noise.

~Hospital~ and it all came flooding back. Torturing Habito, walking to the Preventer Headquarters, reporting… and finding out that Heero was actually alive. Heero! Violet eyes fluttered open and he felt himself recoil as he realized that Heero was sitting next to the bed, Prussian eyes fixated on him and yet somehow looking through him, beyond him. A shiver ran down Duo's spine as scenes from the past 18 months shot through his head. His body started to shake, and Heero's eyes suddenly refocused.

"Duo…" Involuntarily he reached out a hand, only to see Duo recoil from his touch. A sadness engulfed Heero so suddenly that he felt like the wind knocked out of him.

Although his voice was soft, since he throat felt a little parched, Duo's words were like ice to Heero. "What. Are. You. Doing. Here?"

"I…it…next of kin…" The only person he had ever found it easy to communicate with, and Heero found himself not being able to speak. He didn't even notice that Quatre, Trowa and Wufei had arrived at the room.

Sighing Duo closed his eyes for a second, berating himself for having been so negligent as to forget to take his `dead' lovers name off his emergency contact listing, and then opened them again. "I revoke that right." Duo ignored the look of pain that momentarily crossed Heero's face and relentlessly pushed further. "Now. Get. Out. Of. My. Sight."

Those words cut Heero deeper than he had ever thought possible, and he stumbled up from the chair, not realizing that he sent if crashing to the ground. Backing away from the bed, Heero turned and walked out of the room as fast as he could without running, so that no one would see the tears that were certain to spill down his face.

Quatre closed the distance to Duo's side in three steps knowing that his friend needed him.

Pained almost violet orbs sought out his own eyes and Quatre just laid a hand on Duo's shoulder, lending his friend support.

A nurse entered the room and took Duo's vitals, asked him a few questions and then left him with his friends after getting Duo a glass of water.

Taking a sip of water Duo studied the glass in his hands, fighting back the thousands of doubts about everything that were flying through his mind.

"Duo?" Quatre spoke gently, not wanting to startle his friend.

"Cat." A small smile spread over Duo's face as he realized his best friend was still standing next to him. "Sorry, I spaced."

Quatre frowned. Duo was lost in thought; not talking in long sentences, using so few words it was almost like it was someone different. "I've made up a room for when you're better Duo, it'll just be us four."

Duo rewarded his friend with another smiled, though it was tinged by sadness. "Ahhh, that is kind of you Cat. But I am afraid I can't come back, at least not yet."

"Oh."

Wufei, however, understood where Duo was coming from. Duo felt lost; felt useless, needed to do some soul searching of his all too weary soul. Walking across to the bed he laid a hand next to Quatre's on the longhaired man's shoulder. "Searching, Duo?"

A grateful smile spread across Duo's face as he acknowledged the words the black haired man spoke. "Yeah…"

"Just don't forget that your family is always here for you if you need us, ne?"

"I promise I wont be a stranger, `Fei." Duo fiddled with the glass in his hands before placing it on the table next to him.

"Will you be ok Duo? I mean moneywise and stuff." Quatre sounded worried.

"Yeah Cat… Jaysha's reputation should be even better by now, I'll live off that." Duo shut out the memories of how Jaysha had been created, only concentrating on the fact that it was a way for him to avoid human contact. If he didn't think about the whole fucked up circumstances then he found that it didn't effect him quite as badly. ~Distance, maintain distance till you're ready Duo~

Quatre was putting on a brave smile for his friend. "Where will you go?"

Torn away from his rather depressing thoughts Duo looked at the blond. "Our place Cat, I don't mind if you three know where I am, but no one else will, not even Une had that other address."

"Oh good! Can I…come and visit?"

"You all can, just… let me look ok?"

This time Trowa stepped in to stop his over zealous shorter lover from making Duo feel too uncomfortable. "Space. I understand."

Duo just nodded and seemed to fall back into thought.

Quatre tried once more. "Will you come back when you've found what you need to Duo?"

"Yeah Cat, I probably will. But it's going to take a while, cause I lost it a long time ago."

"Oh."

"I'll come back Cat, I just need to find myself first."

#*#

Three weeks passed and Quatre had brought Duo a lot of his clothes, promising to drop by with some other personal effects for the braided man later in the week. Standing dressed in a comfortable pair of black leather pants and a black turtle neck, Duo packed up the last of the things he had had at the hospital. On his request his three best friends were not there to see him off. He didn't want to feel like he was saying goodbye to them, because he wasn't. Luckily Heero hadn't been back to see him since he had told the man to stay out of his sight. A noise sounded at the door and Duo turned.

Speak of the devil and he shall appear. One Heero Yuy, was standing at the door. His eyes were sunken with large dark circles around them, he had lost weight and his skin had an unhealthy pallor to it. Instead of concern though, all Duo could feel was jubilation that Heero was suffering. Idly, he wondered how Heero had known that he was being released, but then he realized that he had probably just hacked the hospital database to find out.

"Yes?" Duo had to fight back the urge to throw himself at Heero and beat the living shit out of him.

Prussian blue eyes focused as a myriad of emotions ran through them. "Duo … I… am sorry…"

Duo couldn't believe it. Not only had the never wrong Heero Yuy said sorry, but the very obviously heart felt apology didn't mean jack shit to Duo. He laughed, he couldn't help it. "That, is supposed to make up for everything?" The mocking tone to his voice was something he couldn't avoid.

Floundering now, Heero reached for words, his ability to express himself hampered by the fact that it was Duo who was angry with him. "But I am sorry Duo… I didn't have a choice!"

"Wrong, Yuy. You always have a choice. And what happened was your choice so don't you dare give me that shit." He knew his words sounded cold but he needed to keep his distance, had to, or else he would go insane.

Grasping at straws now, Heero made another attempt. "Duo … please… come home with me… talk to me…"

Again he had said the wrong words as Duo's eyes blazed with anger! And Heero fell to his knees as Duo pushed passed him, the last words he had uttered before walking away still ringing in his ears.

"I have a home Heero, and you no longer belong there. Sorry is just not enough."

~~**~~

End

Well that was it. Three months and 23 chapters in the making: Some Way Back is finally finished!!!

Hope you enjoyed it, stay tuned for more juicy Duo and Heero torment mwuah hah hah.

~ Arith