Author: Arithion/Arithkenshin

Email: arithkenshin@yahoo.co.uk

Title: Somewhere I belong

Archives: http://www.goldenyaoihuggle.com/welcomepage.htm , http://www.mediaminer.org/fanfic/ under Arithkenshin

Pairings: 1x2, 3x4x5, S+U

Warnings: Angst, self-mutilation, Yaoi, Psychological, Drama, Action, Suspense, Romance

Disclaimer: Don't own em, if wishes were fishes I'd be living in an ocean … Don't sue, not getting any cash for this… and the little money I have goes to feed my pets

Summary: Sequel to Some Way Back. How will Duo deal with the things of the previous eighteen months? How will the others deal? Why are otherwise healthy children Dying? When everything else seems forsaken, can hope pull you through?

^^ encases song words^^

#*# scene change

~#~ flashback

~~**~~ end of chapter

~encase self reflective thought~

Somewhere I belong: Merry Christmas

There was always one draw back with going to bed early… and that was that waking up early was usually inevitable. Yawning as he stretched, Duo tried in vain to go back to sleep but the damn sunlight wasn't going to let him have a bar of it. After about half an hour of procrastination, Duo finally dragged himself out of bed, took care of his morning 'needs' and wandered down stairs, all the while grumbling under his breath about how much it sucked that sunlight got in the way of sleeping in.

On the bright side he had had a decent nights sleep. Putting the coffee pot on, Duo sat himself at the breakfast bar and surveyed his lounge room critically. It was a mess. Plastic shopping bags and Christmas wrapping paper strewn all about the floor. Not feeling very hungry, Duo made himself pour a cup of coffee once it was ready and walked into the lounge room to finish preparing for the day ahead of him. He was looking forward to it like he had never thought that he would. For some reason he felt in control… for the first time in a very long time he almost felt at ease with himself.

"Better not glance in a mirror then Maxwell," he chided himself softly. Sighing he turned around, taking in everything and suddenly realised that he had not bought a Christmas tree. Well, it was a silly earth tradition anyway wasn't it? Or not… somehow it just didn't feel like Christmas without one of those stupid little trees. Of course he had a Santa suit… and not everyone had Santa suits, so he felt slightly mollified.

Glancing at the time he groaned… it was 7 am. He didn't have to be at the orphanage for another 5 hours, so Duo began to finish wrapping the presents, humming to himself as he did so. A little more time, and he might even be able to figure out what the hell it was that was going on inside his head, himself!

#*#

Practically bouncing out of bed, well, as bouncy as a soldier trained in deadly precision can be, Heero walked into his bathroom and stared into the mirror. Although he would never admit it to anyone else, Heero was trying to practice smiling. It was something that Duo had always told him he didn't do enough of and Heero decided it was about time he learned how to do it knowingly. The scary grimace that he had gotten the first few times he had practiced in the mirror was enough to convince him that he couldn't be that cruel… he had to do something about the way his smile came across. Couldn't have little children running in fear to their parents now, could he?

He stretched muscles that were once again feeling rejuvenated after yesterday's bout with Wufei. They had been at it for a long while, if even his muscles were protesting. A smile covered Heero's face involuntarily.

"That's it!" He exclaimed, the mouth movement ruining the flow of the view in the mirror. A slight pout hit his face, and then he actually laughed off the stupid mood he was in. Although the pain of not having Duo with him was still very real, it had been tempered a little, by the fact that he hadn't lost his friends. The Japanese man was quite looking forward to spending the evening with his three best friends… though somehow he also felt a little bit of trepidation at the fact that they were having a gathering after so long, after he had pulled the stunt he had.

But would they hold it against him? He hadn't hurt them quite as badly as he had hurt Duo, but he had come to realise that he had indeed hurt the other three. Damn that training. He seemed to lose the ability to think socially anytime something came up that he deemed to be of "save the people" importance. It got him in everything he did, stepped in and prevented him from acting like a human.

Shaking his head, Heero got a grip on his thoughts, because if he kept going like that, he would get into one of his darker moods and then his training would kick in and make him totally socially unbearable. And damn it! For once he wanted to have fun and laugh with his friends like a normal person would. There was no way he was letting that stupid training get in the way of enjoying the coming evening.

Resolutely, Heero left the bathroom and went about his usual morning routine, mind for once on something else, he was wondering what he would wear to the dinner.

#*#

Languidly, and there is really no other way to describe the way that Trowa stretches in the morning, the green-eyed man stretched out on his back, a small smile creasing his face as he looked at the two sprawled next to him. Quatre was on his side, legs drawn up to his chest, head resting on Wufei's chest, with his arm flung out caressing Trowa's stomach; whereas Wufei was sprawled on his back, one arm stretched out as if reaching for Trowa, the other arm dangling off the edge of the bed.

They looked gorgeous to Trowa's eyes, and he thought he would just sit there a while and watch them. However, Christmas morning probably wasn't the best time for him to decide to sit back and watch his two lovers. Christmas morning always brings about a certain amount of excitement with it. It's just one of those things that Christmas does; makes people wake up early.

And as Quatre began to move, those movements cause Wufei to stir. Slowly the blonde came awake and blinked large aquamarine eyes at his two lovers, a slow, sensual smile spreading over his face. Wufei smiled, still lying on his back, and went to move and groaned loudly.

"That's the last time I be nice...Can I still rescind my friendship to Yuy?"

Quatre looked at the black haired man, surprise written on his face, whilst Trowa tried to suppress a chuckle and failed miserably making Wufei scowl.

"Can it hairspray boy!"

The blond blinked once, twice and then fell about laughing. "Oh my GOD… Hairspray boy…"

Trowa glanced down at his smaller lover and frowned a little. He couldn't let him get away with that. And promptly began to tickle Quatre…

Wufei was still scowling, he was definitely too sore to be moving at that point in time. Slowly he stood up and moved out of the bed, determined that he would somehow get through his kata that morning. It would hopefully help him diminish the strain in his legs. He should have known better than to spar for hours with someone who was extremely skilled.

Wufei exited the room, leaving the panting giggles and pleas behind him, and walked to his training room. He hoped the other two wouldn't spend too long in the bedroom, they really had a lot to do before Heero came over… amongst other things, Wufei wanted to talk to them about … well what he was almost fondly referring to as "Mission Heero."

"Although that was before I woke up with a full body cramp" he muttered as he walked through the house

#*#

The house was bustling. Preparations for the Christmas were underway and all the younger children were setting up the tables for the Christmas Dinner that would arrive from caterers very shortly.

Well, all except for one child. James sat in the corner… sullenly; silently wishing he was anywhere but with other people. But on Christmas day he wasn't allowed to stay in his room.

#*#

Duo was, as usual when it wasn't something upon which lives depended, running late. Grabbing the beard and the hat he almost dived out of the door to the car… hoping no one would mind that he wasn't a fat Santa.

Jumping in the car he quickly checked the back seat to see the sacks of presents sitting there, and sighed in relief. If he almost stuck to the speed limit he might even get there pretty much on time. There were no particular thoughts that ran through his head, except that he was wondering how long it was going to take to give all the kids their presents and eat and stuff. Duo idly wondered how much time he would have by himself to finish off Christmas day.

Pulling up out front of the orphanage, Duo slipped his braid down the back of his costume and pulled the wig and hat on. Feeling slightly ridiculous didn't really matter; he was actually looking forward to this. The last of the caterers was leaving the house and smiled as they saw "Santa".

Smirking to himself, Duo entered the building…and was bombarded by children hurtling themselves onto him and crying out their Christmas wishes. The braided man fended them off valiantly and hoped to high hell that he had gotten the names list right that he had been given.

"Ho ho ho!!!" The children surrounding him squealed in delight and Duo smiled beneath his beard. This was going to be fun.

The presents would be handed out first and then they would all sit down to eat, at least that was the way it was supposed to work, thought Duo wasn't too sure just how enthusiastic the children would be to eating once they had received gifts. But who was he to argue… it's not like it was his Orphanage now was it. He was there to make sure the children had a great Christmas and he planned to do just that.

After sitting in his Santa Throne for a rather long time with a stream of children crawling and scrambling into his lap, he finally came to the older kids, who knew he wasn't real and just wanted to grab their gifts and run for it. The orphanage wasn't too large, it had a total of about 30 children… about ten of which were over the age of ten. He felt sorry for those children, knowing how hard it would be for those ones to find somewhere to take them in as part of a family.

A little more time passed as he made sure that the older children laughed and eased up a little and got their gifts… it was almost mid afternoon by the time that he got down to the last present. But there was no one standing in front of him. Looking at the gift in his hands, he looked around the room, eyes resting on a very sullen looking almost frail child.

"James?" He called out gently… and the child started as if in shock.

"Y…yes?" The child's eyes were darting back and forth as if watching for something and it made Duo curious and for some reason aware.

"Don't you want your present?"

The boy started fidgeting, "Um, yeah… sure… sorry…" Approaching Duo he stopped just in reach of the gift and took it. "Thanks… merry Christmas and all that…" Turning away the boy made his way to the corner he had been occupying before and sat down, tearing the paper slowly and looking for the world, like he didn't care one way or the other what was inside.

So caught up in watching the enigmatic boy was he, which Duo almost jumped when a hand touched his elbow.

The orphanage coordinator gave him a small smile and Duo took a moment to appreciate that the man couldn't be too much older than himself… and wasn't too bad looking on top of it.

"That's James… he's one of our problem children…" The man pulled a face. "Sometimes he is a little strange."

Duo understood in a way, he had been a problem child at the orphanage when he was there. "No problem… I was just curious is all." Amiable as always, Duo smiled.

Holding out his hand the other man introduced himself. "Maellin." Duo took the proffered hand and shook it.

"Duo…"

Maellin nodded…"Call me Mae, everyone else does…"

Cringing, Duo let a little laugh escape him. "That sounds so…"

"Girly?"

Both men laughed…

"I kind of got used to it," The other man shrugged… "Don't let it bother me anymore now. How about you get out of that ridiculous outfit, food is about to be served."

Laughing Duo asked the way to the bathroom and headed in that direction with his own things. Once changed he headed back to the room full of people, surprised to find that he was actually rather hungry.

Sitting at the table, next to Mae, Duo scanned almost involuntarily locating the boy at the other end of the table. For some reason he found he had been holding his breath, and he let it out before beginning to dig into the food in front of him, putting the boy out of his mind for the duration.

#*#

Quatre was running around like a chicken with its head cut off… or so Wufei thought to himself. But he knew that the blond loved every second of it; adored organizing things… especially when it came to dinners or parties. As usual, Wufei was sure that it would be over catered, because over-catering was something that was typical of Quatre who didn't like to see his guests go hungry. But, there was something that the Chinese man wanted to speak about to his two lovers, so taking a deep breath he cleared his throat to get their attention. "We need to talk… or… I need to tell you something."

Trowa settled on the couch and pulled Quatre into his lap suddenly, a yelp issuing from the latter's throat and a grin appearing on Trowa's face. "All ears, Wufei…"

"All hair in your case." Wufei couldn't help that retort, honestly he couldn't. Trowa just smirked.

"Heero asked for my help yesterday… and I just need you to… help me help him… without him knowing that you are helping me help him." Wufei cocked his head to one side… thinking. "Did that actually just make any sense?"

Quatre chuckled. "Yes… to me…though I am not sure if that counts." He laughed as Trowa tickled him.

"What does he need help with "fei?" Trowa took his chance to speak whilst Quatre was still recovering.

"From stopping his training from building that wall he hides behind, making him Mr Anti-social."

Two sets of eyes blinked at him.

"Yes it is possible! I've seen it… Just give the guy a chance and don't stare at him like blowfish if you see him being partially human!" Those muscle cramps were making Wufei very irritable.

Quatre nodded, serious all of a sudden. "Okay 'Fei… We'll try…"

Satisfied, Wufei nodded and went off to stretch his muscles again.

#*#

Glancing at his watch, Heero left in plenty of time to get to his friends house. He arrived and parked his new bike, pulling off his helmet to reveal his tousled and uncontrollable hair. Closing his eyes briefly he let the light wind blow around him just enjoying the feel of it, and then turned towards the house, slinging his backpack from his back, happy that he had bought presents out of habit that year. He was also content with what he had chosen to wear; pale blue jeans with a deeper blue shirt that brought out the color of his eyes, or so he had been told.

As he walked up the steps to the front door, it opened, revealing a Wufei with his arms crossed and a slight scowl on his face.

Heero smirked, he knew just why Wufei was scowling…because if he had been sore that morning, he couldn't imagine just how sore Wufei would have been; amazingly sore probably.

"Why the smile Yuy?" Wow, Wufei was a little out of sorts.

"Just thinking that if I was feeling a little strained this morning, you were probably going through hell…" That quiet way that Heero always spoke, just made the comment seem that much more funny.

Trowa stepped out from behind, Wufei and nodded at Heero, not trying to hide his own mirth. "You should have heard him this morning… complaining like a woman." It was amazing how fast Trowa could move out of the way of a pissed off Wufei, and the brown haired man did just that, smirk adorning his face as Wufei turned on heel and began to chase him.

Heero shook his head and entered the house. After closing the door, he turned to go into the living room and was stopped by the person in front of him.

Quatre hadn't been feeling too good about confronting Heero. In fact, he had felt that he had acted a little unfairly where the Japanese man was concerned and wasn't really sure if he could make it good again.

"Um… Hi Heero… Merry Christmas…"

Not for the first time, Heero wished that he wasn't as socially inept as he was feeling right then. "So Quatre, did he really complain like a woman?" Heero almost cringed as he waited to see if that was an appropriate thing to say… he was so used to having Duo there to buffer his failings.

A little startled Quatre laughed, and some of the tension seemed to leak out. "Like two actually."

A small smile escaped Heero's lips. "Hn…"

As they walked into the lounge room Quatre gathered up his courage and spoke. "I'm sorry Heero…it's just hard… I got to see more of his pain than anyone…"

Heero hadn't been expecting the sudden change of topic, and for a second… his face lost its usual stoic appearance and showed the anguish and pain he himself had had to endure. The wave of it almost knocked Quatre to his knees with its force, stopping the blond pilot in his tracks.

Realizing that he had let go of his feelings Heero mentally cursed himself. "Sorry Quatre, I didn't mean to…"

"No… it's ok Heero… I'm sorry… truly sorry. I just didn't think…"

A tight smile crossed Heero's lips as he replied almost absently. "Seems we have something in common."

Quatre almost gaped at the side of Heero he was seeing. "Yeah… I guess we do…"

A tight smile escaped Heero's lips, but conversation seemed to come a little easier to him than he remembered.

It wasn't long before the other two joined them, and they all sat down and ripped open each others presents. It wasn't like it had been with Duo, not so serious… not so… touching. But they were having a good time. Wufei watched his friend closely, noticing occasionally the tension that shot through his body, and sometimes the look of loneliness that passed through his eyes, but it was passed quickly and he concentrated on the task at hand. The Chinese man could not help but be impressed by his friend; he was really trying not to try.

Rashid stood at the doorway watching the young men a thoughtful look on his face. It had been so long since he had last seen them like this. "Dinner is ready, Master Quatre…"

The blonde jumped up. "That time already… excellent… I'm so hungry I could eat an elephant..."

Heero grunted as he stood. "Then you're on your own… because I am certainly not helping you catch it…"

Trowa smirked, Wufei chuckled and Quatre laughed. "Touché, Heero! How about some dead cow instead?"

Nodding once, a brief smile passed over Heero's lips… "Acceptable."

#*#

The party at the orphanage was winding up, and Duo glanced at his watch as he got his things together to leave for home. As he got to the door a hand on his own stopped him. Pushing down the instant reflex to put the person out of commission for touching him, he drew a deep breath and turned to see Mae standing next to him. Raising a chestnut eyebrow he spoke. "Yes?"

"You mentioned earlier wanting to help around an orphanage on a volunteer basis?"

Duo just nodded in response.

"Well, we could use the help around here for sure…"

A smile creased Duo's face. "Sure… I'll be in touch!"

Mae watched the other young man go with a frown on his face… he was sure he had seen him somewhere before, now if he could only place where.

Duo got into the car and made his way back home, idly flipping through the radio stations. He was bored, and he honestly didn't feel like spending the rest of Christmas night by himself. In fact… it wasn't even 6pm. Mulling it over in his head he made a decision. Deciding that he was presentable enough in the black jeans and deep purple shirt he had changed into at the orphanage he paused only long enough to grab his guitar at the house, and ducked back into the car and turned towards Quatre's.

#*#

"Gods Quatre, why the hell did you have them make so much food?" Trowa was staring incredulously at the mountain in front of them.

"Trowa… I don't like my staff to go hungry… it's their feast too…"

Wufei smiled at his blonde lover and encircled his waist. "You have an amazing heart Quatre."

The quiet dinner that Heero had been expecting, turned into a rather large affair and he had to admit… it put him more at ease… he no longer felt as if he had to put on a show; had to be more lively than he was. Even though the evening hadn't been too bad, he was acutely aware of Duo's absence at his side.

All of them were chatting and laughing at some antics and the pilots let the little bit of alcohol work a calming effect. Heero felt at ease, comfortable; almost happy. In the background he was sure that he heard a doorbell, and that thought was confirmed as Quatre giggled and yelled. "Rashid … get that please… I'm kinda… tied up…" Heero glanced at the blond noting that he was indeed in a fashion, tied up. Trowa had his arms and Wufei was tickling him. Joining in the laughter, Heero raised his glass to his mouth, but didn't get as far as to take a sip.

He suddenly felt cold… and there seemed to be a tension in the room.

Trowa and Wufei stopped tickling Quatre, and the blond looked up and blanched.

Quite unnecessarily Rashid spoke, gesturing to the man standing beside him. "Mr. Maxwell is here."

~~**~~

MWUAH HAH HAH

My Muse demanded I stop here … honest!

~Arith