Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Creed Arc ❯ Bounce ( Chapter 18 )

Title: The Creed Arc: Part 5: Bounce

Author: Lethanon

Warnings: Angst, 1x2x5, 2+RPreventers, Psychological, Sanq....just lots of angst.

It's a cool day. The sun does not reach the window, barely kissing the earth. I sit on the sill, breathing in the fresh air and watching the clouds as they move. Move over the sun. Shadows play on the lawn without but I do not run away. I remain within, the steady beat of the heart monitor my constant companion.

And Heero sleeps, unknowing, unaware that I am even here.

"Duo."

I don't bother to turn; I know who it is and Relena does not expect me to face her. She knows I'm listening and right now I think if I turned I would break and there would be no returning from the darkness I would sink to. So I continue to stare out the window, watching her reflection move about the room, thinking of other reflections and wondering, not for the first time, if Duo Maxwell-me- is dead yet. Had someone found the mirror, opened that door? Was I lingering here without even knowing I was gone? The desire to know was near-consuming. But here I stayed.

Relena goes to Heero's side, leans down and kisses him on the forehead. I almost expected her to go for his lips. I'm not stupid; I know at one point she would have given anything to be me. She wanted so much to be strong, to be able to fight, to know how to win, but she was smart. Smarter than me. Still, I got the guy in the end. Apparently. Strangely enough, I have never feared Relena; never been jealous of her presence. It just is, as I am, and who am I to begrudge her that?

She comes to the window and leans against it, her gaze fastened to my face, but I refuse to face her. Facing her would mean facing truths I don't want to; decisions I have made that I should not have been forced to. But I made them. Still, I don't have to look. I don't have to see.

"How are you doing?"

"I'm okay." Peachy. Just great. I am the same as I have ever been. It's as if I never went to Sanq and they're all so happy that things are back to normal, or that they will be as soon as Heero wakes up.

"No. You're not."

I'm not going to argue with you, Relena, and you know it. That's why your reflection looks so sad. You know I've made decisions, and you know I won't change my mind; that you can't change it for me. Too bad, really. I think we would have made one hell of a team. I think you think so too, or I like to think you do. Hard to know anymore, everything is so muddled up.

"Miss. Po says they should be able to release him at the end of the week…"

Yes, she said that to me too. Along with pointing out that he could only go home so long as a trained field doctor was there at all times. I knew there and then that Wufei would be called back to work. They were ensuring I did not leave by making me Heero's only available way to go home. They were using the innate desire to be in a safe place to bind me to them and I won't lie to myself about it. It hurts like hell.

"Yes, she said that to me too."

The sun came out, for a brief moment and we just stood there, as we had in Sanq, and let the warmth sink into bones gone cold, hearts of ice. It's a weak sun today though and I can't say it's melting much at all.

"You really aren't coming back, are you."

It's not a question; it rarely is with Relena. It's just another of those things I like about her. I don't bother giving an answer. There isn't a point. We both know I'm not going anywhere. Hell, I can't even bring myself to look at her. How fast the climb ends and how far we fall, so quickly…

"I saw Wufei this morning."

"When?" I saw Wufei this morning too, but that's because he was here, and you were definitely not.

"He came to see me, right before lunch."

He what? What on earth for? I turn, I look at you, and I see what can't be seen in the reflection. I see weariness, I see knowledge, I see pain. Pain. Is that all I can give those I love? Pain, and inevitably death. It's only a matter of time.

"Duo…he doesn't know what to do. He knows you don't want to be here, but he will not let you do; he doesn't think he can. They love you so much…"

The snort is out of me before I think about it and I see her eyes go wide in realization. It's almost funny, to see that dawn on her. I thought she knew already. I thought she understood, and she does, in a way, more than anyone else. But this is one of those things I know nothing of. One of the thing a reflection doesn't show.

"You…you don't think they do…do you?"

Now that was a question, and one that hit me right in the gut. I just sat there, looking into her blue eyes. They're blue like the sky; the sky that is covered with cloud. And this knowledge; this realization she has come to is…dark. Like a cloud…moving over the sun.

"Would you?"

Relena made to reply, but stopped herself and I could almost hear her mind ticking as she thought about it. I mean really put her brain to the test, wholly and completely and finally she just sighed and shook her head as she shrugged.

"I wouldn't know what to think. That's my honest reply, Duo."

"You're always honest, Relena."

She looked at me then, and I saw her looking for those things I saw in her; the things in my face that were obvious in others. And we both knew they weren't there; that the person sitting on the windowsill was not, after all, Duo Maxwell, but some echo. Some leftover remainder of a time past.

"What happened to you?" She looked ready to cry.

"Life. And death."

She winced at the mention of life's end and I could see shadows chasing their way through her mind, her own past coming to haunt her; her dead whispering in her ears.

"You're not dead, Duo."

"I don't know anymore, Relena. I don't know anything."

She got angry. I could see her pulse quickening just under her skin, the heat rushing through her body, the sudden mad-like rage as she swung a hand up and slapped me. Hard. It was an overlapping of when she had first slapped me; hen I first heard about Heero, only this time there was nothing wrong with me. Well, no more than usual, and I felt every bit of pain. And I liked it.

I smiled sadly at her. She just stared at me, hand still raised, frozen between us, as if she couldn't believe she had done it. Then she crumbled into tears and threw her arms around me.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean it!"

I didn't know what to do. How did one go about consoling Relena Peacecraft, pacifist-extraordinaire after she smacked you a good one? I don't think there is anything you can do.

So I just sat there and tried to calm her down. I was sitting just like that when Sally came into the room and started yelling. I had no idea what she was saying until two security guards came in and hauled us apart, then I was being dragged into a different room. I didn't even fight back, aware only that Relena was yelling now, her voice clashing with Sally's s they argued.

The security guards pushed me hard into a seat and stood there, glaring.

"What's going on?" I tried to stay calm, but I could feel my heart rocketing. Something was wrong…wrong with me…In me.

"You were attacking the Vice Minister."

"Attacking her! I didn't do any such thing and you know it!"

But I knew, as usual, that it would make no difference. This was just another way of their gaining control. Relena, of course, would not press charges, but Sally and her goons would be more than happy to testify to the fact I was clearly still insane. No one would let it get that far, of course, but it would always be there, in the background, waiting to bite my arse if I stepped out of line.

It was a good hour before Sally came in, and the self-satisfied air about her was enough to make me kill, only I lacked that essential living spark to actually care enough to pull it off.

"Well, Duo…where were we?"

I have no idea where you are Sally Po, where you think we're up to or where we're going. I have no real desire to find out. Yet. Just give me a good enough reason and maybe I'll learn to give a damn.

"Always so cautious…so aware of everything," she smiled, pulling a chair up equal to my own so our knees were almost touching as she stared at me, cold and clinical. "You are a remarkable liar, Mr. Maxwell. It seems you even managed to fool Relena's top psychiatrist, but don't worry. We all know the truth."

What truth? Isn't that the whole point here? There are no truths. We aren't honestly going to do this again, are we? It doesn't matter what I say, what I do; you'll just sign your name on my straight jacket and that will be that. How about I go jump in front of another car just to make it easier for you, hmm?

But we did it again, just to make it official. My mental health was re-analyzed, and after the disastrous accident my partner was involved in it was deemed that I was once again mentally unstable and that while my stay in Sanq had proved a reliable temporary relief it had done nothing to cure my madness. I was once again under the care of Preventers medical. Or so I thought.

Relena came through the door three hours later, looking perfectly calm and filled with a rage that rivaled my own at it's a peak in the war. I don't think I have ever felt such a rush of pride for another than I did then. She looked Sally Po up and down as if he were looking on the worst scum in the universe, sniffed haughtily and then threw down a warrant on the table. Or, at least…it looked like a warrant.

Sally unfolded the piece of paper and held it as arm's length as she read. It seemed to me the further down the page she got the closer it got to her face and the wider her eyes became. Relena was not looking at me, so I was forced to watch Sally and hope the bitch gave something away.

"What is your decision?" Sally asked at last, speaking completely over my head, as if I were not there. Relena had this funny thing going on with her lips, as if she wanted to smile but couldn't quite manage it. Instead she looked down-right evil.

"Duo Maxwell will never be placed in an institution of any kind. He will remain with his legal partners until such time as they wish no longer to care for him, at which point he will remain in Sanq Palace. At any point I am in residence in this city, he shall work for me, as he has proved himself capable of doing under my care. In my absence he will not be forced to do any occupation I have not first agreed to."

What was going on? What the hell was Relena saying? And who gave her the right?

Still…Sally looked ready to blow her head gasket.

"I will have an hour with my ward," Relena stated coldly and I watched, entirely fascinated, as Sally Po nodded grimly and left the room.

"Is there surveillance equipment in the room?"

I just shook my head, not trusting my voice and waited until she handed over the papers.

They were a copy of an old government writ; years old. From my time at the orphanage, where I was adopted as a ward of the state and placed in the care of Maxwell Church. Only there was a new page added. My guardianship was in the hands of my now closest 'relative', the country of Sanq, and subsequently its ruled, Relena Peacecraft.

"Shit."

"Yes, well…" That funny smiling was twitching its way across her face and suddenly she was beaming at me. "I was just so mad!" Relena exclaimed excitedly. "I got on the phone right away and told Pargon what was going on, and then he told me about that L2 Senator, and how he had taken a shining to your predicament. Before I knew what was happening he was faxing through a copy of your transferred guardianship. I hadn't even considered how they were legally hoping to hold you against your will!"

I'm not eighteen. No one actually knows when I will be, but knew I wasn't and so did they. I wasn't far off, but…there was no proving it. This was perfect!

"You're….You…" You are my miracle.

"Admit it! I'm a genius!"

"Well, I wouldn't go that far…"

She smacked me a good one on the back of my head, but we were both laughing. I was in no way free; my cage was, in fact, more solid than ever. But the bars were where I wanted them, and that made all the difference.

There was just one question bugging the hell out of me and I knew only one person could give me an honest answer. I went to the door and opened it. Sure enough, there was Sally Po, scowling at me for all she was worth.

"Tell me, Miss Po. What happens to angels when they fall?"

She looked about ready to skin me alive and roast my arse for dinner. Not that it would do her much good; there really isn't that much meat there.

"You are no angel, Duo Maxwell."

No shit Sherlock! I just laughed at her and turned into Heero's room, only to find myself gaze to gaze with him, so to speak.

"Heero?" I was so shocked; so completely off balance. I had no idea how long he had been awake, how much he knew; what he remembered! Nothing. He just looked…so darn glad to see me. What do you say to that. I had no clue, but he had the right answer, as usual.

"They bounce."

But there's a cloud moving over the sun.