Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Hurting Arc ❯ ThePain The Anger ( Chapter 2 )

Rating: Strong PG-13, Swearing and violence

Why, why, why, was running through my mind at break neck speed. I dully collected my few belongings. I hadn't started to cry yet. Though I knew it was just a matter of time before I lost control and broke down and bawled like a baby. I avoided the things he ever gave me like the plague. I knew just looking at anything he had given me would trigger a tidal wave of memories that had been the best of my life, until today. The memories would make me rethink leaving, and I couldn't afford the weakness of not leaving.

//Left on an eastbound train

Gone first thing this morning

Why's what's best for you

Always the worst thing for me//

Boys don't cry, that had been something people had been telling me since I was a small child. Some boy I turned out to be, I couldn't even make myself smile at my own joke. The tears prickled my eyes, blurring my vision. I stopped my almost mechanical motions as the tears fell down in earnest, and the memory of the most painful event of my short tragic life flooded my head.

Heero had kissed Relena. Everything he had ever told me was a lie. It hurt and I thought the pain would never stop. I let out a low almost howl type sound. I was seriously starting to lose all control. The Pain the anger, almost did win over my control. I came so close to destroying the room and everything in it. Instead, I lower my duffle bag, which I had grabbed and was about to swing, back down to the bed. And finished stuffing the last of my belongings into it.

//When am I gonna learn

Why? 'Cause I'm tired of hating

When will it be your turn?

Why? 'Cause I'm tired of waiting

No I don't

No I don't

No I don't//

I didn't hear him come in, so when he did talk me, I involuntarily let loose the growl that had built in my throat.

"Why are you packing? Is there a mission?"

"I'm Leaving! Get the fuck out of my way, Yuy!" My voice only displayed a small fraction of the heat I was feeling toward him, Relena and more importantly, myself. I was so stupid to believe him for so long, to believe he loved me.

I finished stuffing the last of my things into to the bag and sealed it. He had stepped closer to me but backed off when I flung my duffle bag over my shoulder in a very violent way. He stepped back and closed the door, leaning against it.

//Well no I don't find faith in your forced feelings

Not fooled by your misleadings

Won't buy this line you're selling

Tired of this lie you're telling//

His voice and face told me nothing as usual. I had been blind to that fact. I had thought it was because he had a hard time expressing himself. Well, I was right; he did have a hard time expressing himself, to me anyway. It's difficult to express anything if you feel nothing.

"Heero, I saw you kissing Relena! How could you do that to me?!" I was waving my hands around like a lunatic, as a way to express my extreme aggravation, almost shouting at the bastard. The same one I loved and had since I met him.

I slipped into memories that hurt, and until today had only brought me joy. When I came out of the short reverie, Heero was speaking again.

"…what are you talking about?"

I'll bet my eyes flashed at that question. What was I talking about?! It sent me into a verbal rage, though a short one. "Fine, Yuy, I'm so fucking sick of your bullshit lies. Why don't you tell them to someone who cares?" My eyes narrowed and my voice transitioned from scathing hot, to bitter cold in about .01 seconds.

//I won't, I don't

No I won't do this anymore

I won't, I don't

No I won't do this anymore

She says I'm only telling half of it

That's probably 'cause there's only half worth telling

And every time I try to laugh it off

That's when you turn around and wind up yelling//

"Why won't you listen to me?" He asked. Still emotionless

"What and listen to more lies? I have better things to do with my measly life." I bit out as my voice became colder then a glacier, but my mind was burning. Anger, pain, why, why? What had I done to deserve this, from the asshole, the man I loved and told me he loved me?! I raged in my head.

//When am I gonna learn

Why? 'Cause I'm tired of hating

When will it be your turn?

Why? 'Cause I'm tired of waiting

No I don't

No I don't

No I don't//

"You're not leaving, Duo." His eyes were as steely and flat as his voice and face. Still not giving me any clue as to what he was thinking or feeling, if he actually did such a thing.

//No I don't find faith in your forced feelings

Not fooled by your misleadings

Won't buy this line you're selling

Tired of this lie you're telling//

I lost all control then, I couldn't take it anymore. I was tired of thinking the sun revolved around one Heero Yuy. Tired of being lied to, of being used. I couldn't take anymore of his cold nothingness. I flung my duffel bag at him from across the room.

//I won't, I don't

No I won't do this anymore

I won't, I don't

No I won't do this anymore

She says I'm only telling half of it

That's probably 'cause there's only half worth telling

And every time I try to laugh it off

That's when you turn around and wind up yelling//

With my hands free, I drew my gun from the small of my back. I was seeing red and he was bathed in it.

"You don't get it! I'm fucking leaving, now move your ASS!"

Heero deflected my bag with his one arm, reaching for his weapon with the other. The bastard pulled a gun on me then proceeded to show nothing, still! This confirmed what had been running through my head, the doubts that I was going to regret later for acting on if this was all a misunderstanding.

//When am I gonna learn

Why? 'Cause I'm tired of hating

When will it be your turn?

Why? 'Cause I'm tired of waiting

No I don't

No I don't

No I don't//

It occurred to me later that I was suicidal. I had just pulled a gun on the great Heero Yuy! One mistake, one moment of weakness and he would shred me alive. That was what I was afraid that was how he would leave me: alive. I had drawn my gun and I meant it, I fired a silenced warning shot. At my pillow on my side of the bed we had shared, when I felt he wasn't moving fast enough.

I was too pissed off, too hurt, to give a shit that I was courting death. Death, even a slow torturous one, would haven been much less painful then this betrayal.

The word echoed through my head. Betrayal, the one thing I never thought possible from any one of us, on any level. Betrayal, the bringer of harsh truth to the often deluded. Delusions were being another form of betray, a self betrayal I hadn't thought myself possible of, I had seen too much in life to fall prey to it. Or so I had thought. I now had to deal with not only Heero's betrayal, but my own too. Shit.

I kept my gun trained on the perfect soldier. My gun, the bringer of death and destruction, was held steady, despite my trembling mind.

He finally moved aside slowly, as not to startle me I think. He moved away from my duffle bag, away from the door. He couldn't get any farther from me so as he stepped, so did I. I kept the same basic distance between us. When I reached the door, I snatched up my bag.

//No I don't find faith in your forced feelings

Not fooled by your misleadings

Won't buy this line you're selling

Tired of this lie you're telling//

I snapped out a line from a song of his favorite band, Linkin Park, the song, Don't Stay. "Sometimes, I think I trusted you too well." I didn't look up from my bag, for some reason I was intent on it.

He countered with a line form one of my favorites, Nickelback, How You Remind Me. "This time I'm mistaken, for handing you a heart worth breaking,"

My anger dissipated and I had to fight the urge to stay, to hold him. I started to cry again. I looked at him one last time before I bolted.

Everything blurred as I burst out of the dorm, and into the outside.

//I won't, I don't

No I won't do this anymore

I won't, I don't

No I won't do this anymore//

Song lyrics: Do this Anymore by Nickelback