Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Little MerPilot ❯ Part of Your Porn ( Chapter 3 )

Warning: Come on, now. You've read this far. Is this really necessary?

Disclaimer: Still don't own the movie or show. If I owned the movie, the story wouldn't have been altered. Ursula would have cut out Ariel's tongue, the Prince would not have fallen for her but another woman, and she would have committed suicide. That's what really happened. Don't even get me started on Little Red Riding Hood.

Author's Note: Despite my terror of being exposed to sharks placed in my shirt, I suffered a terrible case of writer's block in the case of this chapter. I'm not too happy with how this one came out, but then, I always end up hating everything I write after its done.

Advertisement: I'm still advertising Tanya Huff's The Fire's Stone. And I'll keep advertising it until someone writes a fanfic for it. I plan to, but not until after I find some free time. I'm balancing college, work, and three fanfics. So I may take a while to get to it. It's a wonderful novel filled with boys lusting after boys. I wanna rape Aaron hard! XD

Dedication: Christina. Happy birthday, hun.

~~~~

A conversation held between Tiamat and me about Yami's pants.

Tiamat: Jeans...not tight-fitting, but not well-worn either.

Me: Well-worn or...well-hung????

Tiamat: I meant that they haven't been used so much that they're faded and loose-fitting

Me: hmm, used, you say?

Tiamat: Oh, shut up

Me: hmm, shut up, you say?

Tiamat: Go back to writing, you hentai otaku whose mind is the gutter!!!

~~~~

Eventually, Duo was forced to return back to the water as the man who had caught his interest began to stir. That, and the big dog who wanted to make babies with his face had come bounding down the beach. It might have made the helpless Prince its next victim had Duo not whipped out his... pistol, and taken several shots at the thing. He managed to keep the creature at bay, but had to beat a hasty retreat as Heero's advisor came into view.

~~~~

Wufei came following behind the dog- he too, had felt the need to exterminate this unkillable beast of evil- but stopped short upon catching sight of his Prince. He promptly felt the need to pass out.

"Yuy! Pull your pants up, for pity's sake! What in all the rings of Hell do you think you're doing!?"

Prince Heero rose, muttering, and did so- shooting a warning glare at the dog as he fixed his spandex. The dog just grinned.

Wufei appeared to have regained at least some composure.

"Yuy, I'll have you know that while you were down here....down here doing whatever it was that you were doing, I had to sit through no less than three more musical numbers!"

"Hn."

"I don't see what is so humorous about that. I was ready to gut myself- I was! Why are you smirking!?"

Heero decided Wufei deserved an answer. Surviving three musical numbers in such a short amount of time was rather impressive.

"I was rescued. By a boy. He had....the most wonderful aim."

"Aim?"

"He tried to kill the dog."

"Brave man."

"Indeed."

"That still doesn't explain why your pants were around your ankles, Yuy."

~~~~

Quatre moaned as he hurried the group far, far away from the scene, "Treize can never know about this. No no no no no. Oh, he'd kill us all."

"I don't think he'd kill me." Duo pointed out, "Being that I'm his son and all."

"...Duo, you aren't his son. That's not possible. He's only- what?- ten years older than you?"

"I didn't write the script."

~~~~

"Oh my, my, my." Relena chuckled, looking through the radioactive camera that allowed her to see what Dorothy and Une saw when she pleased. "It seems that our little Prince has fallen in love with a human. Oh, daddy'll love that...He picked out a good one, though." Relena mused, envisioning tight spandex and the deadly scowl. "Ooh, I'd read his mail any day." She purred.

~~~~

"Duo, dear, come on out now. You can't just hog the bathroom all day. It takes a lot of work to put the bounce in my hair. You don't honestly expect me to go about with it looking this dreadful, do you?" Dr. G said reasonably, tapping on the door inside the dressing room.

Duo unlocked it, his hair unbraided, a large sea flower tucked behind his ear. He was humming a cheerful tune which sounded like LFOs "I Wanna Sex You Up."

"Geez, girlfriend, what is up with you today?" Doctor O snorted, hands on his hips.

Duo made a face at him and then, as Treize swam up, pressed the ornate flower into his father's hands, "Morning!"

"Uhm...good morning." Treize blinked as Duo floated off.

"Ooh, he's got it baaad." Doctor J giggled.

"Got what bad?" Treize asked, having giving up on the script and just guessing at his lines now.

"Oh, daddy, can't you tell?" Said Doctor G, "Duo's in love."

"...Please don't call me daddy."

~~~~

"Okay, okay, I think we're going to be all right." Quatre muttered to himself, scuttling back and forth across the ocean floor, "Just four more musical numbers to go..."

"Don't you sing the next one?" Trowa asked, Duo in the background doing stuff.

"I'm not going to do it alone."

Trowa gulped.

"Well, I guess it won't do any good to put it off any longer." Quatre turned around to address his charge, "Duo, you..."

On the rock where Duo had been lay a seashell bra and nothing more.

"Oh my God, he's naked."

"It's not like he has anything up there that he needed to hide anyway." Trowa pointed out.

"And he's gone."

"Now that's a problem." The flounder nodded despite the fact he had no neck.

"Treize is going to kill me."

"Probably."

"You aren't helping."

"I'm sorry."

"No you aren't."

Before Trowa could reply, he was interrupted by the seahorse. You know, that little dude from the first chapter?

The seahorse- James-, when he arrived, was panting. He had asthma and he smoked, which certainly wasn't a healthy combination. The asthma had shown up early on in his life, shortly after his father gave birth to him. They couldn't afford medicine for it so he had to be very careful with his physical activities and thus never had to take any P.E. during his school days. Unfortunately, because he had been raised in American waters, he'd quickly grown overweight on fried twinkies and lazy. He had never cared about his appearance or the state he had come to be in until the day he suffered a minor stroke that left him partially paralyzed for the better part of a year. Painful and unrelenting physical therapy brought him back to working order, but he realized that he required a major change in lifestyle. He began to diet. He tried Jenny Craig. He joined a Yoga course. That was where he met his wife- Arlene- a lovely young lady from the South whose....eh, I've lost interest in him now. Back to the story.

"Sebastian!" He wheezed.

"Quatre!" The crab corrected irritably.

"Whatever." The other shrugged (radiation). "Treize wants you-"

"He's mine!" Trowa growled suddenly.

"...what are you talking about?" James blinked.

"Nothing. I'm going to go find Duo now." Trowa announced, "I said nothing, by the way."

"...yeeeaaah...I'll take your word on that..."

~~~~

"Hmm...I wonder how we have sex..." Treize mused on his throne. Obviously, this was a matter of great importance. Even more so to us- which brings up the question- should the end of this story include lemons, or would that go too far?

Quatre scuttled into the throne room , "You wanted to see me?"

"Uhm...sure." Treize didn't remember requesting the crab, but he assumed it was in the script.

"Speaking of sex, how would you do it?"

Quatre's eyes grew huge and his face went scarlet, "How would I know!?"

"You've never gotten laid?" Treize blinked.

"Th-that's none of your business!!"

"Well, you all but said it just right now."

"...I loathe you."

"Duo's in love, right? Who is it?" Treize said, changing the subject.

Quatre glanced about nervously, looking to make a quick exit, "Human? What human?"

"No, I didn't say anything about humans. I was just wondering who...waaaiiiit...Is Duo in love with a human?"

"Uh-noooo.."

"Okay...waaaiit...You aren't telling the truth, are you?"

"YesIam!"

"No you aren't! I've been reading the script!" Treize shot.

"Fuck."

"So tell me who it is so I can kill him instead of you."

"Prince Heero."

"Mmm...spandex. I- I mean- he shall die."

Then Quatre realized something, "Isn't it a little hypocritical of you to be angry with Duo for lusting after Prince Heero, when you are lusting after Heero's man servant who's not only a human, but ten years younger than you?"

"...Silence, you!"

"...Sooo...how's your spleen?" Treize asked after a long, awkward silence.

"Oh, pretty good, I suppose."

~~~~

"I found this." Trowa said as Duo and he entered the Cave of teh Stuffs, "I think we could probably pawn it."

"Hey, it's a statue of Heero! Woot!"

"I'm...glad you're pleased...we aren't going to pawn it, are we?" Trowa sighed.

"Mmm, expensive blue spandex"

"Eh, I'm a turtleneck man, myself."

Duo draped himself over the statue in contented pleasure, fluttering his lashes at it flirtatiously, "Get jiggy with it, you say? Why Hee-chan, you are too bold good sir. Is it-"

"`Hee-chan'? Pet names, Duo? You have given a pet name to this, this human?!"

"T-Treize!?" Duo yelped, jerking around in surprise.

"I will not have my son anywhere near a human! Is it true that you rescued him from drowning!?"

"Hilde told me to! It was peer pressure!"

"Peer pressure!? Duo, humans and merpeople are not allowed to come into contact with each other!"

"Since when do you know your lines!?"

"...That's not the point!" Treize shouted, "You should not have so much as touched him!"

"But he would have died!"

"That would have saved me the trouble of doing it myself!"

"Treize- you wouldn't!"

"I would and will if you go near him again! Humans are all the same! Short, savage, sword wielding, raven haired, underage, molestable lovelies..."

Quatre, Trowa, and Duo all raised a brow.

"...By which I mean they're all evil! And they eat fish!" Treize added hastily. His eyes swept over the cave. "And I'm confiscating all of this for myself...uh...to destroy, of course."

"Noo!!" Duo cried out in despair. He couldn't bear the thought of losing his whozits and whatzits. Neither could Trowa.

"You bastard!" Trowa joined.

Treize was firm, and used his radioactive trident to blow up the statue of Heero- who would have thanked him.

"I hate you!" Duo sobbed.

"Eh." Treize shrugged, then swam off.

Quatre patted the inconsolable merteen with a claw, feeling badly for him, "There there, Duo. It was just a statue. We can get you another one!"

"Go away!" The braided boy sniffled.

Quatre winced but did not press the issue any further, allowing Trowa to usher him out of the cave, leaving Duo completely alone...or so they thought!

It was then that Dorothy and Une made their appearance, slithering quietly into the cavern.

"Poor, dear child." Dorothy cooed.

Duo raised his head, blinking away tears.

"Poor, spandex-obsessed boy." Lady Une agreed.

"If only there were some way to help him..." The blond eel sighed.

"You have grandpa eyebrows." Duo said.

Dorothy twitched, "I don't want to help him now."

"Oh, but we must!" Une purred.

"You...can help me?"

"Indeed...ha...haha...hahahahahahaaa! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!"

Duo now seemed doubtful, "You aren't evil, are you? You sort of sound that way..."

"Shut up and get swimming, boy." Dorothy growled.

Tbc...