Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Ring ❯ Chapter 3

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

By: Cyrrer

Author: Laren

Pairings: 1x2x1

Warnings & Disclaimer & Summary: see first chapter

A/N: So, and here comes the next chapter. Sorry for the delay but the last days I had too much to do…

On a second note, if you are longing for the next chapter of “little deaths among friends” I have to tell you that this will be delayed until next weekend. I haven't finished the translation. *sight*

Duo went upstairs, jawing dozily and balancing a plate full of sandwiches in his hands. A deep silence had fallen over the safe house and Duo liked it a lot. Hastily he headed into his own room and firmly shut the door behind him, as he wanted to be left in peace. He placed the plate on the bed and truckled under the sheets.

If he had anything to say, he would stay in the bed for the rest of the day. He was still tired because of the last night. To prove this point he jawed again.

`Above all, the last weeks were anything but without stress,' he thought while he took a big bite of one sandwich. And this was the understatement of the year. The last weeks truly had been hell. Had held him captive in a mixture of anger and extreme sadness. Without the aid of his friends he most probably would have gone insane. True to his word he had cried his eyes out in Quatres room on a daily basis. Unbelievable how much he still was infected by the whole messy affair.

But Heero really didn't make it easy for him. Duo didn't know if he should be either sad or go ballistic. It was so incredible hard to have Heero near. To see him every day and to just know that none of his dreams would ever come true. As expected this realisation had hit him even harder after the break up. There had been so many moments when Duo almost had taken the break up back. Because he had gotten the sudden notion that the sick relationship they had shared was better than having nothing at all.

But fortunately he had started thinking and stopped this stupid insane notion every time. Quatre had been absolutely right he only hurt himself. In this fucked up situation it was just the easiest to absolutely ignore Heero. And so he ran away, like the coward he was. But he didn't know how to handle the situation in another way.

Nevertheless it wasn't easy to have Heero near. The worst of it all was that Heero didn't react in any way. It hurt so much that not even the tiniest, wimpy gesture was sent by Heero, not the shabbiest attempt to get him back. This proved crystal clear that he hadn't meant anything to Heero.

Sure, he hadn't really expected something to happen, but the repellent posture of the Wing pilot hurt him so much. Showed unmistakably that he was nothing more than scum in Heero's eyes. He even wasn't a good enough sex-toy to make an effort to win him back. He was nothing to Heero.

Heero hadn't spoken one little word with him in all this time. `Damn it. He has been ignoring me for 7 weeks now!' protested Duo. He started getting angry again and this was not good.

But it happened all the time; he had felt angry just as often as sad during the last couple of weeks. And to be honest, he didn't know witch of the two was worse. But at least the latter of the two didn't let him try to coax any reaction out of Heero, not like he always did during his fits of rage.

Once he even had yelled at Heero, in the futile attempt to get a response from the stoic youth. But it had been vain. Heero had only pulled himself deeper behind his emotionless mask and had ignored him even more, if this was even possible.

The only reaction he did get during all this weeks was that Heero now started to pass him over when planning missions. Duo had almost cried in anger yesterday when Heero had announced the unusual team build-up for the upcoming mission. He should have fought with Deathscythe side by side with Wing. Not Trowa or Wufei. But it seemed that Heero didn't trust the vermin to prove any value during missions. This god damn bastard!

Angrily Duo bit on his lip. Damn, why did he start this stupid, infinite loop of thoughts again and again? He didn't want to think about Heero. Not now, when he finally managed to bounce back, not when he managed to simply be alive. He wanted to get out of this slough of sadness, wanted to stop wallowing in self-pity. It hadn't been easy to get him out of this.

Moreover, he had had so much fun yesterday; he didn't want to destroy this mood. Finally he had been able to forget all the anger and the frustration for one evening and had just enjoyed himself. He really did appreciate that Quatre has forced him to go clubbing. It really had been what he needed.

Finally having other people - and not Heero - around. Good music, something to drink, laughter. Oh, how long had he not been laughing? It must have been ages. He had feared that he had lost his ability to laugh. No, not the sardonic grin that he used as cover but the real one. The one that came from the heart. Yesterday he had found it again for a short time.

Everything had been so normal. He really had forgotten about Heero and the disastrous affair. He even had been able to flirt like a maniac with everyone. It had been so nice; it had build up his confidence. Especially to be admired by others. From people who didn't see scum in him but a prize worth fighting for. He hadn't had this kind of feeling for a long time now.

Duo didn't fully remember how it happened, most probably because he had drunk too much, but suddenly he had been hugging and kissing one of his admirers. And he had relished every second of it. At last he had found someone who wanted him and didn't dodge every kiss. Duo had been kind of fiercely with all this kissing. Had overstepped his own flirt border. Had done a hell of a lot more than he usually would do on a first meeting, but it had been worth it. It was nice to be treasured again. Even if it wasn't from the person he really wanted it.

Nevertheless, John seemed to be a nice guy. After all he had invited Duo to the movies. Maybe he would go tomorrow, it was better than sitting in his room and starring at the wall. And trying not to think about Heero. Sure, this thing with John had as many future prospects as a snowball in hell, but if it made him forget his hurt and his anger for some precious moments at least, then it would be enough.

- - -

Somewhere along his thoughts running around in cycles Duo must have managed to doze off, because suddenly some harsh knocks on the door to his room roused him out of a dreamless sleep. Confused Duo opened his eyes. The sun stood very low, so he knew that it was late afternoon already. Another round of harsh knocks brought his sleepy mind into function mode again and so he invited the troublemaker.

Duo had expected Quatre, or maybe Trowa, but he never ever would have thought for Wufei to come into his room. “Maxwell I have something important to say to you,” announced the Chinese youth in his usual plain manner.

Duo could only nod his acceptance while he tried to get rid of the last sleep traces in his brain. What could it be that Wufei wanted to tell him? Duo sat up on the bad and waited for Wufei to close the door behind him.

“Wufei, take a seat,” Duo remembered his duties as a host and made a gesture towards the armchair. But the Chinese only waved his hands and just stood still in front of the door.

In a way this whole situation caused Duo some discomfort. He couldn't think of any reason for Wufei to come to him. “So, what's up?” he asked a little snappy.

Wufei frowned for a second. Then he directly looked into Duos eyes and held his gaze. “Best to do this plain and simple. Heero activated Wings self-destruction during the last mission. I thought you should know about it.”

Duo just froze. He felt like being hit by a mobile suite. He was shocked and all of a sudden his brain was totally empty, whereas in the same second billions of different thoughts bounced in his head. He stared disbelieving at Wufei eyes torn wide open. “Is he… What… What happened?” was all he could stammer.

“Nothing happened to Heero. The mechanism didn't work. If that's what you are interested in,” came the cold reply from Wufei.

Heero was alive! Nothing happened to him! A warm wave of joy crashed over Duo. But anger superposed this pure happiness. What was this suicidal maniac thinking? Why was he pressing this self-destruction button again and again? DAMN! Why did Heero throw his life away so eagerly? Somehow Duo had to voice his anger. “And did our perfect soldier whine about him not sacrificing his life for the mission? How did you manage to accomplish the mission after all, without his heroic sacrifice?” was Duo's sardonic reply. Deep inside he knew that he was being unfair. But the anger was so much better than the overwhelming feeling of almost having lost Heero.

“Maxwell, Heero didn't say anything. He doesn't even know that I know about his action.”

“What? What are you saying? How can you know about the self-destruction attempt, if Heero hadn't announced it?“ Duo was baffled.

Wufei took a deep sigh. “I know about it because Wing informed me about it. I am a kind of control mechanism. Our mentors thought that Heero might sacrifice his life too easily. So they arranged that every time when Heero activates the self-destruction Wing has to get the approval for it from me. Heero don't know about this or he probably would have disabled this additional barrier. Because of this monitoring mechanism Wing informed me about his action today. And it has shocked me deeply for sure.”

“Why? Only because our superhero had tried to save a mission with a kamikaze action - again? He does it every time,” Duo nurtured the anger in him. He knew that he was unfair, but if the anger would lessen the worry about Heero would overwhelm him. And he didn't have any energy for this right now.

“No, this is not the reason why I was shell-shocked. I was because there had been no reason for Heero to activate the self-destruction at that moment. Wing was undamaged, Heero unharmed and the enemy almost beaten. There was no reasonable explanation why Heero should have activated the self-destruction.”

Something froze in Duo. Unwanted thoughts tried to reach the surface of his mind. He shook his head unbelievingly and tried his best to banish this disturbing thoughts. “But why had he done it?” he asked nevertheless.

“That's what I'm asking you, Maxwell. You,” snarled the Chinese.

“What do you mean?” Duo protested vehemently.

“I don't know what happened between you and Yuy,” Wufei stopped Duo's answer with a gesture of his hands, “And I really don't want to know. But I observed how wretched Heero has fared during the last weeks. Surprisingly I am the only one in this house to notice that. But how should you have been able to see it, you and your two fellows were to busy treating him like shit. For sure you weren't able to notice how he was suffering. And you call yourself his friends! And now I am asking you again, Duo, what could be the reason for Heero to commit suicide? Because his action today was nothing else. Why would he throw away his life?”

`NO, NO, NO,' Duo screamed in his head. This wasn't true. He stared flabbergasted at the Chinese. “This is bullshit, Wufei. How could you say something like this? THIS IS NOT TRUE!” Duos voice was breaking as he yelled. This couldn't be true. `NO, NO, NO!'

Heero would never commit suicide. Why should he? There was no reason. This had to be a big misunderstanding. It must have been an accident. Or there had been a threat to the mission of that Wufei did not know. Everything beside this was unthinkable. This was the only valid explanation. Only this.

And what gave Wufei this particular absurd idea to accuse him? He hadn't done anything to Heero. Heero had hurt him, not the other way around! What kind of bullshit was Wufei babbling? Duo failed to see why he should take this shit from Wufei. Why he should feel guilty about anything.

Heero committing suicide. HA! As if Heero would feel anything for him. Not bloody likely. And even if he would feel something for him, it wouldn't be enough to kill himself. Wufei had misunderstood something. For sure.

“If denial makes you feel better about this, go on. But I request something from you at least. You will go to Heero and speak with him about his actions today.”

“Why should I?” snarled Duo. He didn't want to speak with Heero. Never ever, and for sure not now. He couldn't predict what could happen.

“Because I order you. Because you own it to him. Or just to prove that I am wrong. I don't care what reason you take, but you will speak with him. This is the only honourable way. I expect nothing more and nothing less from you.”

Duo knew that Wufei meant what he said. He wouldn't back off until Duo had fulfilled this mission. There was no other way out of it. The anger came back inside him. Why was it him to speak with Heero? Now? This wasn't going to work. Damn! Duo stumbled out of the bed. He stood merely centimetres away from Wufei and gave him a provoking gaze. “OK, I will do as you told me. And I will find out why this maniac has activated the self-destruction, even if I have to beat the truth out of him. But believe me, this has nothing to do with me. And you will apologize for your wrong accusation.”

Wufei didn't flinch. “If you think so, Duo,” he answered coldly. Then he turned to the door and opened it. As he walked through it he said over his shoulder, “The main point is that you speak with him.”

- - -

Duo stared dumbstruck for some moments at the place where Wufei just had been standing. He hadn't comprehended all the things Wufei had just told him. Something really had gone wrong big time. And all of the sudden Wufei got such absurd ideas. `Such an idiocy.'

And now he was forced to speak with Heero. Why? What was the gain of this? Heero hadn't spoken with him when they still had been friends. The Wing pilot wouldn't be too happy to get questioned by the vermin about a nearly failed mission. `FUCK!'

But he had promised it to Wufei, he couldn't find a way out of it.

And he just had started to get better, started to forget about Heero. Why was this kind of shit happening right now? Finally he was feeling better and started to live again and WAMM all of a sudden Heero bounced back into his live with full force. What had he done to get punished like this? Who hated him that much?

Without thinking, Duo dressed himself. He would do this stupid mission as soon as possible. And afterwards he would stuff all the wrong accusations down Wufei's throat.

As he ran hastily towards Heero's room, Duo asked himself again why the other had activated the self-destruction. If the mission hadn't been in danger there really wasn't any reason for it. Heero was known for his maniac kamikaze actions, but until today he only had done this kind of stunt to accomplish a mission.

And Duo couldn't think of any kind of accident, even if it would have been an easy explanation. For an accident Heero was too perfect. He and Wing were practically united. Heero would never be so careless to push the wrong button. This was very unlikely. The perfect soldier would never make such a stupid mistake.

But what kind of explanation was left then? The one that Wufei had been implying was utterly unthinkable. And because of this Duo refused to give it a second thought. It couldn't be and therefore it wasn't!

Without really wanting it another assumption crept into Duos mind. What if Heero had known about the barrier? What if he had pushed the button willingly just to let Wing inform Wufei about it? If he had known that without Wufei's approval the self-destruction command would never have been executed? What if he had staged the whole thing, just to take some kind of revenge on him?

But Duo disposed this idea as utterly bullshit. `Fine, that's the last thing I needed, now I get paranoid,' Duo thought. This whole affair unsettled him in a way that wasn't funny any more. He had to be nearly out of his mind if he actually considered such a conspiracy idea.

There was an other reason for this. It had to be! And he would find it out. For sure.

Finally Duo had reached Heeros door. He switched between anger, concern and absolute helplessness, so he just stood there for a few moments without moving. He really didn't know what to do next. He took a deep breath. Why oh why had Wufei ordered him for this task? Couldn't he let one of the others investigate the incident? Or why hadn't Wufei himself questioned Heero?

But now it was his responsibility. It for sure would be the best if he did it as soon as possible. So Duo knocked loud on Heero's door. But nothing happened. He knocked even louder. “Hey Heero, I need to speak with you.”

No reaction. Duo swore without a sound. He knew that Heero was in his room, where else should he be? Duo didn't like to stand in the hall staring dumbly at the closed door. He knocked with more force.

Still no reaction. Irritated Duo eavesdropped at the door, hoped to hear any kind of noise that confirmed Heero's presence. The only thing he could hear was the rush of the shower. `Just brilliant. The perfect soldier's standing again under the shower. Doesn't he have any other hobbies?'

Duo was really pissed off right now. And in his anger he didn't care about niceties any more. Wufei had ordered this most hated task on him and he would end it. NOW. And if he had to drag the Wing pilot out of the shower to do so, then he would. Annoyed Duo ran into Heero's room, shutting the door behind him with a loud noise. Without seeing his surroundings he rushed in the direction of the bathroom door and knocked it open.

Finally he could look into the bathroom, but something wasn't right. Instead of seeing the silhouette of Heero standing under the shower, he could only detect a small huddled up shadow through the shower curtain. `What the fuck?' Duo asked himself and hurried to shove the plastic aside.

He wasn't prepared in any kind of way to the sight he was seeing. Heero cowered directly under the water stream, making himself as small as possible. He didn't even flinch as Duo shoved away the shower curtain. Didn't seem to recognize that he wasn't alone any more. He was fully focused on something that his hands did.

Duo followed his gaze and suddenly he stopped breathing. He saw blood running down Heero's left arm; saw how the water washed it away. And then he noticed something blinking in Heero's right hand and without truly recognizing it he just knew it was a knife.

For the second time this day Duo felt like a mobile suit had hit him. But there wasn't any time to hesitate he knew what to do. With a horrified yelp he pushed forward and clutched Heero's hand. Desperately trying to stop the Wing pilot from this insanity. `Wufei was right!' he accused himself. `NO, NO, NO, this couldn't be! But if not, what had Heero been doing with the knife?'

Heero struggled a little against Duo's clasp, but not with his whole strength. If he had been, he would have been able to free himself. Even during the attempt to free him Heero didn't show any evidence that he actually realised that Duo was beside him.

Meanwhile Duo had stepped into the shower. The water saturated his clothing. `Damn, this is hot! How could he stand this temperature?' Without thinking about it he stopped the water with a knock of his elbow. After that he kneeled down beside Heero, still holding the knife-hand of the Wing pilot in iron grip.

He let his gaze roam on the Japanese youth, tried to take an inventory of Heero's condition. Now, as the water wasn't washing everything away he could see the cuts on the left arm more clearly. Sure, he wasn't an expert in this kind of thing but they didn't look like the slashed wrists needed for suicide. After this insight Duo started to breath a little easier. The situation he had to deal with was bad, but not as bad as he had thought for some horrid moments. He felt kind of relieved.

But there was something else to concern him. Heero's arms were full of cuts, in all kinds of different healing states. It looked like Heero had been doing this for quite some time now.

Suddenly Duo remembered that he had noticed similar injuries weeks ago, even if they hadn't been that bad then. At that time he had thought that different missions caused this scars. Could it really be that the Wing pilot had cut himself back then too? And if so, why?

Heero hadn't moved during the whole time. Still fixated a point in infinity. He didn't fight against Duo's strong grip. He seemed totally lifeless, even when his chest moved as he was breathing.

With one hand Duo stroke some strands of hair out of Heero's face. “Why did you do this?” he asked puzzled.

He hadn't counted to get an answer, but very quietly some syllables stumbled out of Heeros mouth. “Punish… mission… failure,” were the only words Duo could recognize.

This couldn't be the case, could it? Did this idiot really think he had to punish himself for failures in missions? Fuck! Anger overwhelmed Duo. But this time it wasn't directed at Heero, but at Dr. J.

Because J. had to be the responsible for all this. He had brainwashed Heero since he had been a small child. Had trained him to be perfect. With this kind of mentor one doesn't need any kind of enemy any more.

Duo had always felt disgusted by the fact how inhuman Heero had been when they first had met. At that time only the perfect soldier had been visible. There had been no evidence that a human being, a teenager, was underneath the soldier. With passing time Heero had lost some of that attitude, but unfortunately the manipulations of Dr.J. went deep.

Duo knew that he would have attacked Heero's mentor, if he had been in reach. Without thinking about the consequences for one second. He would have let out all of his anger on this sick, old man. But even with some cooled off anger nothing would stop him from taking revenge on that bastard. He was Shinigami after all.

But now he had to focus on something more important than this sick bastard. He had to take care of Heero. Firstly he had to get rid of the knife. He increased the hold of his hand of Heero's right arm. With the other hand he tried to loosen Heero's fingers from the knife. Even without a real resistance from Heero it wasn't an easy task.

But finally he managed it and the hated knife fell with a clang onto the base of the shower. With a swift movement Duo gripped the knife, stood up and brought a safe distance between it and Heero. But fortunately Heero didn't show any sign to get the knife back; he still cowered at the same spot.

Impatiently Duo threw the knife into the laundry basket, he didn't know what else to do with it. After that he took one of the bath sheets and returned to Heero. He kneeled beside him and tried his best to dry him with the sheets.

While he did this, he could see that Heero's arms weren't the only injured body parts. For sure, the cuts he could only find on the arms, but Heero was covered with all kinds of bruises. And his skin had a nasty red colour. The reason for this was most probably the hot water. Hopefully he had only irritated the skin and not burned it. `Maybe it would be better if I get him to a doctor, or a hospital,' Duo thought. But he rejected the notion real fast. They couldn't let any civilian come into their safe house. It would be dangerous. So they had to deal with this situation on their own.

Duo didn't want to tent the wounds in the bathroom. Heero should get into something more comfortable than the shower base. He wrapped Heero carefully in the bath sheet and started to carry the Wing pilot into the sleeping room.

As he lifted Heero from the ground, he noticed how light-weighted he had become during the last weeks. He could clearly see every rib. And he suddenly remembered that Heero hadn't eaten properly. But nevertheless this drastic weight loss couldn't be explained only with that.

Could it be that Heero had been ill and none of them had noticed it? Or had it been due to some kind of stress? But what stress could have such an impact on the perfect soldier? Duo couldn't think of any mission running that bad. Nothing to explain why Heero thought he had to punish himself that rigorously. Something has gone really bad.

Carefully he put Heero onto the bed. After that he practically ran back into the bathroom, to get the first aid kit. All of his anger he had felt directed at Heero had given way for the overwhelming worry about the Wing pilot. The only thing he could think of was to take care of Heero. Everything else was unimportant for him.

When he got back to the bedroom, he noticed that Heero hadn't moved at all. The Japanese youth was like a kind of marionette whose strings was nobody pulling at. Duo doubted that Heero had recognized his surroundings in the meantime. And he most probably still didn't know that someone was with him.

Carefully Duo sat beside Heero and started to tend the wounds. Most of the cuts had started to heal and wouldn't be visible anymore in some days. But the new cuts, the ones from today, they were different. “Damn, Heero. These cuts are really deep. Why did you do it? There will be scars,” Duo said while he wiped away the blood and started to bandage the wounds.

Heero amazed him anew as he mumbled, “Duo didn't like scars on me.”

`What does this cryptically sentence mean?' astonished Duo looked up. The whole thing got more and more confusing. He noticed that Heero was again fixating his eyes on one point. At first Duo thought that he was looking at the bandages, but then he realised that Heero stared at his own left hand. Or rather his left fist. The hand was closed around something. Duo had noticed this before, but then he had been dealing with more urgent matters. But now as the thread of the knife was banned and all of Heero's wounds were dressed, curiosity overwhelmed Duo.

He wanted to know what was so important that Heero had clung his hand around it the whole time. Maybe he would find a kind of answer to the whole mess.

Duo set on to lift this particular secret. He took Heero's hand into his own and tried to loosen the fingers from their grip. But different to the `fight' about the knife Heero's resistance was more forceful. With all his strength the Wing pilot struggled against Duo. All of a sudden he awoke out of his lethargy. His arms lashed around without real control.

Duo started to fear that Heero would cause his bandages to come off and would harm his wounds. Desperately he tried to calm Heero down. “Hush, Heero. Don't be afraid. Keep calm; nothing is going to harm you. It's only me,” he didn't know if his wimpy attempts were responsible for it but Heero's resistance loosened a bit. And suddenly he felt Heero's gaze on him.

“Duo?” asked the Japanese youth disbelieved.

“Yes Heero, it's me,” without thinking Duo lifted his hand and stroke gently Heero's cheek. For the fraction of a second it felt like Heero was leaning into the caress. But then the Wing pilot winced back.

“What are you doing here, Duo? You walked away.”

Suddenly the fury was back in Duo and replaced his anger and the stress of the last minutes. “What am I doing here? Damn, I took care of you! You are hurt!”

“But why? Go away. Leave me alone again.” Heero's face that had shown a confused, vulnerable expression was cold and hard all of a sudden. The mask of the perfect soldier.

“I am not about to do such a thing. You are going to explain first what kind of shit you are doing. Activating the self-destruction of Wing, cutting yourself with a knife. What's all that?”

“Maxwell, back off,” croaked the Japanese youth.

If Duo hadn't known that this was impossible, he would have sworn he heard panic in Heero's voice. “No, you will tell me what's the meaning of all of this. And for sure I want to know what you are holding in your hand!”

Heero desperately tried to pull his hand out of Duo's firm grip. But Duo didn't back off. The fight - if one wanted to call the struggle a fight - lasted for some minutes. The whole time Heero mumbled again and again that Duo should walk away. But Duo ignored it.

Finally he managed to loosen Heero's finger. The thing that the Wing pilot had been holding so desperately fell on the blanket. Heero tried to catch it again but Duo was much faster than he.

He snatched it and lifted it to his line of sight. Unbelieving he looked at the small thing, couldn't quite comprehend what he saw. He was holding a ring in his hand. A plain, golden ring. And it looked like something was engraved. Duo narrowed his eyes to read the engraving. As he finally managed to read it his jaw fell down. Bewildered he looked at the inscription. It read `Heero & Duo'.