Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ The Road to Kindness ❯ Surgery Part 4 ( Chapter 11 )

The Road to Kindness

 

Chapter 7

Part 4

 

 

Heero deeply missed those times in the hospital when Duo was too out of it to realize he wasn't sleeping much, that he was spending most of his time watching the longhaired boy sleep. He couldn't do something like that now when they were rooms apart, it was too risky, too many creaky floorboards and doors to go thorough without Duo being sick and woozy and vulnerable enough to not care if Heero was constantly close to him. Still, after having Duo disappear on him for a second time, and having to think that he would never see him again made him get out of his bed in the middle of the night and sneak into Duo's room. After two days of worrying about never finding his best friend, it was just a bit difficult for him to believe that he was back, safe in bed. He couldn't deny what his eyes saw, though, when he closed Duo's door behind him.

The longhaired boy was sleeping on his stomach, his braid trailing over his shoulder. Heero stood at the bed, watching his sleeping face. Even when Duo was supposed to be completely relaxed, he seemed edgy, ready to wake up at the slightest sigh of trouble. No one should sleep like that, Heero thought. But he didn't blame him, if he had lived with a man who had raped him without warning at all hours of the day and night, he would be sleeping on edge, too. He smiled affectionately down at the sleeping boy. The two cats sleeping on the pillow next to Duo's head either didn't notice Heero's presence or simply didn't care. Though his fingers ached to reach out and brush Duo's long bangs from his painfully beautiful face like he had done so many times in the hospital, Heero didn't dare to do it. Duo was too on edge and he felt clumsy next to the longhaired boy's feline-like grace. If Duo ever caught him doing this… just the possibility made him shudder.

 

 

 

Duo awoke the next morning realizing that something was different but for a few minutes, he couldn't place what it was. He had half expected to wake up on the hotel balcony, but the sadness in Trowa's eyes when he had told him about his past had been too real for Duo to dismiss as a dream or hallucination. He also remembered thinking about Helen and that memory brought forth a sharp pain in his chest. Duo realized that he would have to get used to that pain because it wasn't going to go away. He couldn't bury those memories like he had as a child and he didn't want to.

It finally came to him what was different when he realized that he could read the display on the TV's DVD player across the room in perfect detail. He smiled brightly, not even aware that he was doing so. He hadn't been able to read things that far away for many, many years. For a brief instant, he forgot all the things that had happened yesterday and focused on that wonderful fact. He could see, not in a slight improvement, but clearly and completely. The surgery had mended the damage Wes had done to his eyes. He just wished such a simply procedure could mend all the other damage his guardian had done to him. He shook the dark thought as he rolled out of bed and got dressed. For once, something good had happened and he didn't want his own pessimism to get in the way of that.

 

 

Duo didn't know what he had expected to happen coming back to school after disappearing for two days, but it seemed like nothing had changed. For once, the other kids were chatting about the bomb threats instead of gossiping about him, or giving him weird stares. He, Heero, Quatre, and Trowa had discussed telling Wufei what had happened, but had ultimately decided against it. Wufei was their friend and Duo trusted him with the information, but he didn't think that eh Chinese boy would understand his reasons for running away and their friendship was still a fairly tentative thing. Though, he did inform Wufei of the news concerning his vision, just like he had Name and the others. Trowa jokingly claimed that they could go out and get wasted since he was old enough and they had all laughed, but they knew they wouldn't. Wufei was too straight laced and Duo was too anxious around drugs for any of them to be comfortable with celebrating that way.

Their first two classes were cancelled as Treize called the entire school into assembly about the bomb threats. Duo didn't hear a thing he said, too preoccupied with other things. He and Name had take Patches to the vet, who had told them that she would be giving birth any day now and Duo couldn't help but be anxious about it. He had seen a stray mutt give birth before and he had watched Shiva's mother give birth twice, so it wasn't a completely alien thing, but this was his cat and he was worried that something was going to go wrong and he wouldn't know what to do. He didn't even know what he was going to do with the kittens. He wanted to wait a few months before separating them from their mother and he had promised one to Quatre already, but what if Patches had seven or eight kittens? He didn't trust any of the local pet shops, they weren't bad places, but he was too overprotective to give them to anyone he didn't fully trust. Name might let him keep one or two, but he doubted she would agree to seven more cats under the roof, especially rambunctious kittens. Shiva and Sammy were bad enough and they weren't quite kittens anymore.

Duo was startled out of his thoughts when Heero, who was sitting to his right, nudged his side with his elbow.

“Assembly's over,” Heero whispered. Duo blushed as he realized that everyone around them was standing up and trying to leave the auditorium in a mass exodus. He barely remembered what Treize had said, just a lot of lectures about irresponsibility and immaturity, the rest he hadn't pain attention to. He stood and hurriedly left the large room with the rest of them, his thoughts still scattered.

“What's on you mind?” Heero asked in concern. He had learned that when his friend was this absent minded, it was a bad thing.

“Patches and something else I seem to be forgetting…” Duo's brow furrowed as he racked his brain, trying to think of what had been bothering him since he had gotten up this morning. He knew he was forgetting something, nothing important, but obvious enough that it was irritating him.

“Well, I'm sure you'll remember what it is and Patches will be fine. If something goes wrong, Trowa worked with a lot of pregnant animals in the circus. Everything will be fine.”

It was a senseless assurance, but it still made Duo feel a little bit better. He followed Heero back to the biology classroom and they sat down next to each other, like they always did. Une marched into the classroom with a huge stack of papers in her arms, gaining a raised eyebrow from students like Heero, who had only gone to school there for a short time, cheers from the `veterans', and a groan from Duo, who suddenly realized what it was he had forgotten.

“What's going on?” Heero whispered Duo glared at him.

“Listen and you'll find out,” he hissed back, worried the tone would hear them.

“But I want to hear it from you,” Heero teased stubbornly. Duo rolled his eyes.

“Every year, some of the Middle school honor students and the entire High school go on a field trip to Boston for five days,” Duo explained with a wistful tone.

“Then why do you look so upset about it?” Heero whispered, confused, “It sounds like fun and you told me you've never left this town.”

“Because Wes never would have let me leave his sight, and my job for so long,” Duo pointed out, “and even if he had, this trip isn't free. You have to shell out fifty bucks and lunch and dinner aren't covered. I could never let go of that kind of cash for something so… trivial.”

Heero's expression turned sad and apologetic as he realized he hadn't used his head again. He wanted to protest that a little bit of fun and freedom was never trivial, especially considering what Duo's life had been like back then, but he knew what he was saying. Those fifty dollars he had needed for food and clothes, not a field trip. Still, he felt devastated at the thought of his friend staying behind while his classmates were enjoying themselves in another state. What he hated was the depressed look on Duo's face right now. He hated that the boy frequently got trapped in his past and forgot his present.

“There's no reason why you can't go this year,” Heero insisted. Duo instantly brightened as he realized he finally had the money to go on the trip.

“But I need a guardian's permission. Duo you really think your Mom will let us go out of town for that long?” he whispered. Heero snorted lightly.

“Of course she will, and if she doesn't, just give her your best puppy eyes and she won't be able to say no,” the Japanese boy said with confidence, smirking when Duo rolled his eyes at him. The two boys quieted when Une cleared her throat to speak.

“As most of you are probably aware, a week from now is our annual trip to Boston. Each of you will go home today with a packet of information entailing what we will be doing each day, emergency contacts, what you will need to bring, the school's rules for field trips, and the permission slip your guardian will need to sigh. I don't think I need to tell you what will happen if any of you are caught forging your parents' signatures,” the longhaired teacher gave her students a stern look, which gained her a few nervous chuckles.

“Because of the local economic issues this town has been going through lately, the price for going on this field trip has been raised from 50 to 75 dollars,” Une informed them. Several students groaned, mostly the ones whose parent's were on a tight-budget this year and the ones that had to pay for the trip themselves. Duo felt a strange sort of glee as he realized that, ironically, he could still afford to go.

“This money will pay for transportation, your hotel room, and the breakfasts you will be having at the hotel. As always, lunch and dinner and any shopping you wish to do is separate,” Une continued, handing out the packets to her students.

“Also like last year, to cut back on room costs, you will be sharing a three bed room with five pre-selected classmates. The lists will be posted today after lunch. If you wish to switch with someone you're friendly with, it must be done at the end of this week, no later. I suggest you talk to a teacher about this quickly if you don't want to be separated from your friends.”

Duo paled a little. Believing he would never be allowed, and could never afford to go, he had never given the trip a serious thought. The thought of sharing a room with a strange boy scared him and he didn't want to go if that happened. What if, worst case scenario, he got paired with Zechs? In the past, the trip to Boston had always been a bittersweet thing for him. It meant staying behind as a very few minority that couldn't afford it, but it also meant freedom from Zechs, who always went on the trip, for an entire school week. He didn't think Treize or Une would condone him sharing a room with Zechs Merquise, but he was only one kid out of hundreds and he was used to being left behind or ignored.

Heero looked over at Duo again and felt the urge to hold his hand at the look on his face. He knew exactly what his friend was thinking and he refused to have him in some strange hotel room, in a strange city, with strange boys. It sounded like a panic attack waiting to happen. That, and the idea of sharing a room with him like they had during their sleepovers excited the primal urges in his body that he had yet to successfully repress. He would have gotten out of his seat and held Duo's hand, their classmates and teacher be damned, if he hadn't known that the unwanted attention would bother the longhaired boy. He also hoped that his mother would let them go. He thought that this trip would do a bit of good for Duo, a chance to get out of town, for the first time in his entire life, and to have some fun away from all the bad stuff. But, it could be bad, too. Boston was loud and crowded and it would be a strange place to Duo. Heero, Quatre, and Trowa had been to Boston a few times when they were younger with their respective parents and guardians, but Duo had not once left this little Maine town, so a big city would probably be very scary to him and his issues with personal space. His friend was doing much better in social situations than he had when he had first been released from the hospital, but he was still very skittish and prone to anxiety. What if walking around in such a big place gave him another panic attack? Heero wasn't sure if he could handle it without his mother's silent guidance. He was sure that his mom would think of all these things and it wasn't exactly clear if this trip would be mostly good or bad for Duo, but simply because he seemed excited to go, Heero wanted to give him that chance.

“Lastly, but most importantly, I want you all to be on your best behavior. Any incident will give you a one way ticket home and either detention or suspension. You will be representing, no only this school and town, but this state. Please do not embarrass the rest of us,” Une finished gruffly, “Now, let's continue where we left off last week and put all this bomb talk behind us, shall we?”

 

 

 

 

Heero liked to think that he knew his best friend pretty well after taking care of him when he was too sick and weak to do it himself and living with him for months now, so he wasn't surprised to find Duo checking the room lists as soon as they finished lunch. The four of them followed him, even Wufei who, unlike Heero, Quatre, and Trowa, had never been to Boston and was quite excited by the news of a trip there.

“So, where are we?” Trowa asked, slinging an arm around Duo's slim shoulders. Heero watched them carefully as Duo only gave a tiny flinch. It was gratifying to Heero that he was still the only one Duo felt truly relaxed around, but he found it ironic that Duo seemed to be more comfortable around Trowa than Quatre, especially since Duo had been so scared of him when they had first met. Something had happened between the two of them when Duo had been missing, something that had given him more trust for Trowa. Heero wanted to know what ground breaking thing could have broken down Duo's iron-clad barriers, but he knew that it wasn't really his business. Trowa was his friend, but if he didn't want to tell him what he and Duo had talked about, he wouldn't push him.

Duo's eyes widened as he finally found his assigned room and his breath caught in his throat.

“What is it?” Heero asked worriedly, his view obstructed by Trowa's height. Had Duo really been paired up with Zechs, or someone just as bad?

“We're all in the same room together,” the Italian explained. Suddenly, a frustrated, but determined look in his eyes, Duo stormed off towards Une's office.

“What was that about?” Wufei questioned in confusion, trying to figure out what had happened to set Duo off. Wasn't it a good thing that the five of them were rooming together? Being Duo's friend was frustrating at times because he was so hard to understand and follow. Since he had given up on courting the longhaired boy and he was no longer blinded by ideas of lust or romance, he could see that a relationship between the two of them could never last. Trying to follow Duo's mood changes gave him a headache, they just didn't think or act on the same wave lengths and when he was this frustrated, he usually gave up. Unless he truly believed something would come out of it, Wufei wasn't stubborn. Now, Heero was stubborn. Wufei knew the Japanese boy would follow Duo all over the planet, whether or not it would accomplish anything, because Heero Yuy didn't know how to give up. Wufei could admit, jealously, that that was exactly what Duo needed, someone so stubborn and invested in him that they would either never let him fall into darkness again, or keep him company in that darkness, because they couldn't quit. Heero didn't disappoint Wufei's theory this time around, either. He was already running after his best friend in a split second.

“Catch you later!” Heero called back, almost as an after thought. Wufei knew he should feel offended, but the three of them knew, when competing with Duo for Heero's attention, they would always be just second best.

 

 

 

 

“Duo, wait!”

Duo stopped walking as he heard Heero call out to him, giving him a vaguely annoyed look that Heero simply ignored. The blue-eyed boy put a hand on Duo's arm unconsciously as though he thought that Duo would bolt anyway.

“What's wrong?” Heero asked, “Why are you so upset about this? This is what we wanted.”

“But that's exactly the problem!” Duo insisted, “We're all from different grades and different classes, there's no way that we were paired up randomly!” Duo sighed tiredly, “Look, I'm not used to be people going out of their way to make things better for me, ok? It's like, as soon as I uttered `rape', everyone thinks I can't do anything on my own and that isn't fair! You and Name know more about my past than Une does, but you respect me. You let me figure things out on my own without treating me like a little kid. The worst either of you have done was your mother assuming I wouldn't mind living with you guys, but she still let the final choice be mine and the only reason why she did any of that was because she knew that at the time I would be too overwhelmed to make the right choice. Yes, I want to room with you guys, but I hate that Une or Treize went out of their ways to give me what I want. I'm just one kid, why do I warrant their special attention and why can't they let me do things on my own without assuming what I'd want?” Duo seemed to deflate as he finished his rant. Heero watched him with a slightly raised eyebrow.

“I'm being stupid, aren't I?” Duo asked in a small voice.

“A little,” Heero admitted with a soft smile, “I can see how this might bother you, I'd be upset if I thought people were treating me like an invalid, but you're making a mountain out of a mole hill, Duo. Yes, they should have asked what you wanted, but them going out of their way just means that they care. Now, do you want to talk to her?”

Duo shook his head.

“No, I guess not,” he admitted, “Though I feel bad if we can't go and Trowa, Quatre, or Wufei have to room with strangers. Those pre-lists are pretty stupid, if you think about it. Half of those kids won't be able to go this year and they'll have to shuffle people around again. And it's only a three bedroom. Who's going to get the beds and who has to bring the sleeping bags or air mattress? Or should we just share beds?”

Heero chuckled as the energy Duo had had for his anger and frustration was diverted to his excitement for the trip.

“We'll just have to flip on it.”

 

 

 

 

Heero was surprised that Duo and Quatre were the two that were the most excited with the idea of going to Boston for a week, considering that one was half terrified to go because of his fear of crowds and the other had gone several times, but as Heero drove the four of them home after school, his two friends couldn't stop talking about it. Trowa gave him a look that was partially suffering and partially affectionate. Heero had to agree, seeing Duo acting like a child for once made his heart melt.

The four of them entered the house laughing and in good spirits, but when they entered the hallway and saw Name waiting for them at the foot of the stairs, they became silent, none of them daring to speak.

“Duo, it's time,” she said simply. Duo didn't seem to need more information than that. A serious expression crossed his face and he followed her to her bedroom. When he realized where they were going, Hero figured out what was going on fairly quickly. A stone-like feeling settled in his gut as Name ushered Duo into the room.

“Trowa, we'll need you, too,” she told the tall boy, who nodded and followed duo into the bedroom.

“Heero, Quatre, stay here,” she insisted. Neither of them protested, not used to the birthing process like the other three were and a bit afraid of it. Heero watched anxiously as his mother shut the door behind her. He and Quatre shared a somber look, but neither said a word.

 

 

 

If someone had told Heero that at some point in his life, his stomach would be in knots over a few baby cats, he would have laughed in their faces, but here he was, standing outside his mother's bedroom, stifling the urge to pace. Quatre was silent and still next to him, leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest, the worried, anxious look in his blue-green eyes destroying his calm façade. There was a part of Heero that insisted it was ridiculous for all of them to be so wound up in some cats, but he didn't really believe that. At one point, Shiva came over to investigate what was going on, but quickly became bored when she realized that Duo wasn't around to dispense strokes, food, or toys and wandered off again. The two boys could hear a few sounds from beyond the heavy door, the noise of indiscernible talking, some of Patches' stressed mews, and a few other sounds that they couldn't identify. It seemed like forever, but it was only a few hours when the door opened and Trowa came out, looking slightly flushed, but with a brilliant gleam in his eyes that Quatre had never seen before and made his heart hurt with a bitter mix of jealousy, doubt, and affection. Heero noticed the look, but didn't say anything. He knew that Trowa missed the circus and working with animals, it was something that was obvious, but it was also something that Trowa and Quatre had to figure out for themselves. Trowa had to sacrifice a lot for a relationship with Quatre and the blonde was finally realizing that fact. Eventually, they would have to decide which one would have to sacrifice what for the both of them to be happy. Heero wasn't worried, though. Having Duo, someone down to Earth and out of popular social circles, was making Trowa more bold and open, and seeing him like that had probably shown Quatre that his lover was having a hard time coping with his wealth. Their relationship had lasted so long, Heero doubted his friends were stupid enough to let it die by just not talking it out. In the meantime, Heero was glad that Duo and Trowa had each other, it helped to keep them grounded. Duo needed all the kind, understanding friends he could get.

“Come in,” Trowa urged excitedly. Quatre and Heero couldn't help but smile seeing him that way and followed him inside.

 

Patches was lying on a pillow in the corner of the room and Heero stared in amazement at the little… things nestled against her, the tired mother cat diligently cleaning them with her tongue.

“They're so… tiny,” Heero said in shock. He knew that the kittens would be small, but they reminded him more of gerbils than cats. Trowa chuckled at him.

“They may seem little now, but you'll miss this when they start to get bigger,” his green eyed friend promised. As cute as the tiny balls of fur were, Heero found his eyes glued to Duo who was watching the kittens with a peaceful, loving, enthralled expression, standing next to Name. That expression made Heero's heart pound and he found it a very difficult thing to look away from the beautiful, rare sight of a very happy Duo. He walked over and stood next to him carefully, not wanting to lose that smile.

“How many?” he asked in a soft voice, not taking his eyes off of Duo, struggling with a very physical effort not to try and hold his hand, or worse, kiss him.

“Seven,” Duo said in a giddy tone, “Five girls and two boys. There are two Calicos, an all black, three tiger striped, and an all grey.”

Heero's eyes widened.

“That's a lot of cats,” he pointed out.

“Well, I promised one of the tigers to Quatre and your mom said I could keep the black one. She's the runt of the litter and there's something wrong with her left front paw. The others will probably be adopted quickly, but she'll probably be… forgotten, put down if we give her to a shelter, which I won't do,” Duo whispered, a hardened, bitter look in his eyes that Heero hated. The Japanese boy knew that Duo was thinking of his own childhood and also knew that his friend wouldn't let the cat, no matter what was wrong with it, either die, or be neglected. Not only would he hate himself for it, Duo didn't have it in him to be that sort of person. Heero looked over at the horde of baby cats and saw a small ball of black fur, even smaller than the others, not drinking milk or being cleaned like the others, shivering slightly. He had heard of mother cats eating the weakest of the litter, or maybe that was wild dogs, he couldn't remember, but the black kitten looked like it was barely even alive, let alone able to defend itself.

“Will they be ok around the other cats?” he worried. Duo shook his head.

“The males just won't want anything to do with them. Toby was like that when Shiva and Sammy were younger, but he never hurt them. The females are socialized, so they won't feel threatened by the kittens. They're cute, aren't they? I can't believe Patches had seven of them and she's doing so well!” Duo said excitedly, the same gleam in his eyes as Trowa's. A lesser man would have been thrown by Duo's sudden change from agitation to joy, but Heero was starting to get used to the boy's strange moods enough to follow him without getting a headache.

“You'll help me take care of them, right?”

The Japanese boy paled a little at the thought of being trusted with such small, vulnerable creatures.

“I… I don't know how,” he confessed. He had never taken care of anything, a cactus, a fish, not even a pet rock. The sight of the little, weak, black kitten scared him. He had beaten boys twice his side to a bloody pulp, holding something so fragile and small was out of his league.

“It's easy,” Duo assured him, “Patches will do most of the work for awhile, we just need to help out. It's kind of like babysitting.”

“I've never babysat, either,” Heero said with a roll of his eyes. Duo gave him a warm, affectionate look that made his heart start to race again.

“I'll lead you through it,” Duo promised, but there was a worried look in his violet eyes as he looked at the kittens. Heero found the same look echoed in his mother and Trowa's eyes as they all realized that, even with its mother so close, the black kitten still showed no interest in feeding, or even snuggling with her sisters and brothers, like the others were. With a terribly sad look, Duo walked over to the cats and kneeled down. Heero half expected Patches to take a swipe at him when the longhaired boy reached his hand out to her, but either she was too tired to care or trusted him completely, she merely purred weakly when he scratched her ears with one hand and gently picked up the black kitten with other. Heero felt overwhelmed at how the kitten's size was brought to attention by how she was dwarfed by Duo's slender hand. The mother cat made no movement as the teenage boy took her smallest baby away from her, merely continued to nurse and clean the others.

The little black kitten shivered in Duo's hand, its eyes shut, just like the others, but somehow looked more pathetic and vulnerable. Duo rubbed his finger against her head and she seemed to settle only slightly at his touch. Heero could see what his friend had meant about her front leg; it was thinner than the rest of her body and was curled up tightly to her chest, as though she refused to move it.

“Duo, she needs her mother's milk,” Trowa pointed out, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder, “If she doesn't get the right nutrients, she's going to get sick.”

Duo nodded, cradling the baby cat to his chest, a broken expression on his face. Heero realized that, if the kitten died, Duo would be devastated. To Duo, animals were just as important as people, he would take any of the cats' deaths like a mother would a child. He would probably even blame himself for it, thinking he should have done something to prevent it. Heero refused to let that happen. Duo's equal love for his cats and his friends was something that he treasured and loved about him.

“How can you make her eat?” he asked. Trowa sighed.

“She's underdeveloped, even for a newborn. There might be something wrong with her immune system or she might have not gotten enough nourishment before being born. Whatever the case, she's weak enough that food isn't even enticing her at this point and her muscles aren't what they should be,” he explained, “She'll have to be force fed. The easiest way is with a bottle, I don't think we'll be able to force her to drink Patches' milk at this point.”

“The vet gave me some formula in case this happened,” Duo murmured, lightly stroking the little creature's tail, hoping that the heat from his hands would keep her from shivering so violently. Name patted his back, smiling gently.

“I'll warm it up, Trowa can look after the other kittens, ok?” she prodded. Heero followed the two of them as they walked out of the room; Quatre looking conflicted between helping his lover with the healthy kittens and helping his friends with the sick ones, but eventually decided not to leave Trowa alone.

 

 

 

 

It was an odd feeling, watching his mother get a bottle together for the kitten with such care and seeing a glimpse of what she might have been like when he had been a baby. He wondered if she had been so precise and intensely focused on him. Even when he was little, he remembered her being strict, though he had never once doubted her love for him, even when they bumped heads, which was frequently. He wasn't sure what was more affecting, his mother's gentle look as she handed Duo the bottle of warm milk or the look on his best friend's face as he tried to feed the newest addition to their family. The kitten seemed despondent at first, not caring about the food even as Name tried to encourage her in a soft voice. Heero watched in utter amazement as Duo stroked the cat's spine and the tiny creature finally found either the energy or the comfort to latch onto the bottle and suckle weakly.

“Good girl,” Duo murmured, his face lighting up in relief, a look that filled Heero's insides with warmth.

“She has to be fed regularly and kittens can't go to the bathroom on their own. You'll have to either put a light pressure on her stomach and spine, or put something wet and warm there to help her go,” Duo told Name. Heero half expected her to look annoyed or surprised, he had had no idea baby animals needed that sort of help, he was sure that human babies didn't, but Name just smiled at Duo in amusement.

“You don't mind, do you?” the longhaired boy asked worriedly, “I know you said she's my responsibility…”

Name silenced him by ruffling his bangs.

“And you're doing a very good job from where I'm standing. It would be irresponsible of me to not take care of her just because you can't while you're at school and you're certainly not taking her with you. Just show me what to do and I'll do it. But, Duo,” she cautioned warily, looking at the scrawny creature Duo was feeding, “We don't know what's wrong with her. It'll cost hundreds of dollars, maybe even thousands, to treat her. What if she doesn't even last the end of the week? Are you willing to deal with that? None of us would blame you for picking one of the healthy ones.”

Duo's eyes hardened.

“At the very least, I can give her a chance. She deserves that much,” he said in a determined tone, “I can't just give up on her so quickly.”

Heero smiled at his friend's words. It was just like Duo to take on an impossible-seeming task to help someone, or something, worse off than him. After all, even when he was poor, hurt, and starving, he had tried to take care of all of his cats.

“What else does she need?” Heero asked as Duo put the bottle of milk down on the counter.

“Well, I need to take her to the vet tomorrow to see what's wrong with her, but for tonight she needs someplace warm. Newborn kittens are incapable of producing much body heat. Three of Shiva's brothers and sisters died the winter they were born because we couldn't get them warm enough,” Duo said with a slightly haunted look, “Patches will keep the others warm, but I'm afraid that this one needs more attention that she can't give with six other kittens. I'll keep her in my bed for a few weeks, that should keep her warm.”

“Clean up, I'll check on Patches,” Name said with a nod, leaving the two boys alone in the kitchen. Duo cradled the kitten against his body again, his fingers lightly stroking her ears until she appeared to either settle or fall asleep, it was hard for Heero to tell since her eyes were closed.

“You're really good with her,” he said softly, “With all of them. I know you have problems dealing with people, but you seem a lot more confident around animals.”

Duo blushed a little.

“Animals I can understand,” he murmured, “but people… I don't think I'll ever understand why we do the things we do to each other. I've studied psychology a little and I know that some people are just… sick… but, we hurt each other, every day, all around the world. Animals hurt each other for food, territory, the right to mate, but people hurt each other because it seems like they enjoy it, or because they simply hate each other. I guess I could never understand that kind of reasoning.”

“You must hate me, then,” Heero said in a somber tone, “Knowing what I've done in the past, that I've let my anger control me and that I've enjoyed hurting others, because it helped me deal with my own pain.”

Duo shook his head.

“You're not so one sided. We all have our own demons, I learned that a long time ago, and while I don't like that you've let your emotions turn you into that sort of person, I know you're kind, too. And I know that you have the ability to stop, not a lot of people have that.”

“I suppose, going through the abuse you've suffered has given you the strongest sort of deterrent against becoming someone like that,” Heero said sadly.

“Not entirely,” Duo said mournfully, “I've been so angry, I've had people that I wanted to hurt, but I was so scared, I could never do anything, and… in the end… I couldn't see the point in it. I knew that it would never make me feel better. I guess… I could never see the point in cruelty, to either people or animals. I see it everyday, kids hurting animals, parents hurting their kids, but I could never understand it. I lived with Wes for so many years, but I could never figure out why he did… what he did, why he chose me to do it. I think I could live for a hundred years and never come to terms with that,” Duo looked away from Heero sharply, feeling tears prick his eyes. Yes, he could live for an eternity and he didn't think he would ever forgive Wes for what he had done, or begin to understand why hurting him, taking what he had had no right to take, had made the man so happy, or why he had thought it was his… privilege to do so, just because he could. He tensed in surprise as Heero suddenly hugged him, careful of the cat in between them.

“Then don't understand it,” the Japanese boy whispered, “But know that not everyone in the world is like that. You're not like that, my family isn't like that. You won't have to deal with that man anymore, you don't have to understand why he hurt you. Don't let him win by thinking of him for the rest of your life,” Heero smiled, but it was a little bit forced, “Now, what are you going to name this little rag doll?” he asked, rubbing the kitten's ear.

“Shei,” Duo answered with a small smile.

 

 

 

 

 

“No,” Name snapped as she cut up some vegetables for their dinner. Heero stood behind her, his arms crossed over his chest defensively while Duo sat at the kitchen table, Shei in his palm as he gently massaged her underdeveloped front leg.

“Mom-,” Heero tried to protest.

“No, Heero, it's the worst idea in a long line of bad ideas!” she whirled to face him, then turned to Duo, who was looking at her with wide eyes.

“Is this really what you want?” she asked, “Or are you letting Heero bully you into it? I'd have though you'd want to stay here with Shei next week, not go running around Boston. Do you really think you're up to this?”

“Heero didn't bully me,” Duo murmured, “It was my decision. I want to go on the trip, I've wanted to go ever since I first went to school. The vet said that Shei has some kind of… disorder, but once she starts to develop more and builds up her muscles, she should be ok,” he pointed out. He had been very relieved to learn of that fact yesterday, after waiting for hours for the vet to tell him if his kitten was going to live or die. It had turned out that Shei's disorder was a lot like his anemia, it made her weak and her immune system wasn't even what her siblings' were, but as long as he took proper care of her, she would live to see adulthood. At first, he had considered not going on the trip, but he realized that, not only would he be letting down his friends, there wasn't anything that he could do that Name couldn't. There was that, plus the fact that he really did want to go. The last time he had indulged in doing something, simply because he wanted to, not because he had to or that it would be a good thing for him was… well… deciding to sleep over at Heero's the first time, despite knowing what Wes would do to him afterwards. He wanted to leave this town, even if it was for only a few days. It wasn't just because it would be good for him, like Heero believed, he didn't care about that, he was just very curious about what Boston was like. He wanted to see things he had never seen before, just kick back with his friends and experience something he had never done before… be normal. It was very difficult to do that when the entire city he lived in reminded him of his `past' life. He didn't know if Name could see those feelings in his eyes, but her own expression softened. Though she sighed heavily, Duo could tell she was partially joking.

“Well, I guess it would be cruel of me to say you couldn't go just because the two of you are perpetually giving me ulcers. You're long overdue for a good vacation, but if anything goes wrong and I mean anything, you have to call me. I want you to keep both of your cell phones on at all times, Trowa and Quatre's as well,” she lectured, “and I'm paying the transportation, you two can figure out the rest,” Duo opened his mouth to protest, but Name cut him off quickly, “No negotiations, Duo. I'm sure that I'm not the only parent paying for the trip and as long you live with us, I am your parent.”

Her words sent an intense heat through Duo's stomach, strong enough to almost make him flinch, but he refused to show the affect her sentiment had on him. A bit of movement caught his eye and he watched cautiously as Shiva sauntered into the room. She was the second youngest of his original brood and he was a bit worried about how she would react to Shei. The first two nights, he had kept Shei in a laundry basket filled with warm blankets by his bedside, so she wouldn't fall off the bed and Shiva and Sammy had seemed to take the hint that they weren't allowed to investigate the basket, but now there were no barriers with Shei napping in his hand. He had told Heero not to worry about the kittens interacting with the adult cats, but when Shiva finally noticed the youngest addition in her master's hand and walked up to check it out, Duo felt a spike of fear. He stayed stock still as the older black cat put her paws on his legs and stretched her body to sniff at the black ball of fur. The three humans watched in amazement as Shiva nudged Shei with her nose and, when Shei gave out a tiny mewl, Shiva rubbed her head against the kitten, cleaning her with her tongue, then jumping up into Duo's lap to snuggle with the baby cat. Duo smiled affectionately at them, letting Shei curl up on his knee and stroking both of their ears.

“Good girl,” he cooed, Shiva purring at the sound of his voice.

“How's her leg?” Name asked, keeping her voice low.

“She'll have problems getting around for about a month, the vet said,” Duo explained, “Something about her lack of muscle mass and how it's worse in that leg than the others. She just needs to exercise it when she starts walking in a few days. She'll open her eyes this week, probably, and be able to eat solid food in a few weeks. She'll be able to go to the bathroom on her own before that,” he told Name.

“Well, it looks like you have everything under control,” Name said with an amused smile, “at least the other kittens aren't so high maintenance, with your calico doing all the work, where would you like for them to go when their three weeks are up?”

Duo chewed on his lip at the question. In the last two days, his attention had been stretched thin by school, work, Shei, and playing with the other kittens who were developing better than the black kitten was, and though they were all still blind, they were capable of a little play, even if they slept most of the day, like most babies did. The knowledge that he would have to give them away in only four weeks, at the most, made him feel anxious. It would be the hardest part, not the giving away, but finding them homes. It all boiled down to what he and Heero had talked about two nights ago… cruelty. When he had first met Wes, he had thought `here was a man that sets me completely ill at ease, yet he wants to help me, so maybe he is a good person.' With that thought, it had been all too easy to go with him years later with the promise of food. No, he hadn't trusted him completely, no street kid knew that sort of trust, but because he had remembered a man that could hurt him and, at the time, had not, he had found it just slightly easier to go with him. Looking at the blonde man, though his eyes had been cold, there hadn't really been any signs indicating the sort of man he had turned out to be. You could never tell who would turn out to be a bastard and who would be your savior. When he had first met Heero, he had had him pegged as a genuine asshole and look how that had turned out. How was he supposed to trust his judgment with the people taking his kittens when he couldn't do it for himself? There was no way he was giving them over to someone who might hurt them, in any shape or form, but how could he tell that the people were good?

“I haven't figured that out yet,” he admitted, “I don't want to give them to a shelter, definitely not a pet store.”

“I have a solution,” Trowa said from the doorway, Cassy in his arms, rubbing her head against his hand, begging for attention, “If you really can't trust anyone, and I don't blame you if you don't, Quatre has 29 sisters and about ten of them would be glad to have some cats for themselves or their children.”

Duo immediately brightened at the idea. He didn't know Quatre's family, but he trusted his blonde friend to know what sister would treat the cats right.

“Uh, thanks,” he stammered out. Trowa smiled at him and walked over to ruffle his hair, which Duo grumbled at.

“I take it I'll have to sign your and Quatre's admittance forms, too?” Name asked dryly, “I doubt your sister has a fax machine and Shahir will treat it as a practical joke.”

Trowa thought about that, he hadn't even considered what he and his lover were going to do for their forms, though he supposed he didn't really need it since he was over 18, but Quatre was out of luck. His father didn't even know that his `golden son' was taking public school classes, let alone going on a field trip.

“Yes please, mother dear,” Trowa teased.

“Don't get cheeky with me, Trowa Triton-Bloom Barton, you're not too old, or too tall, for me to pull you over my knee,” Name warned good naturedly.

`Triton-Bloom?' Duo mouthed to Heero, who was struggling to hold in his laughter at Trowa's wide eyed look.

“Yes, ma'am,” Trowa said quickly.

 

 

 

 

 

Despite Duo's view of himself as someone that had lived several lifetimes in a span of only a few years, there were a lot things he had never done before that he probably should have. He had never packed a suitcase before. He had never ridden in a school bus before. He had never had to use a check list to get by for an entire week. He had also never had to follow an animal around to make sure it wouldn't walk into a wall, but here he was dealing with all of those things. It was two days before he and his friends got to go on the trip to Boston and he was currently trying to pack what he needed into one of Name's old, navy suitcases. It was a new sensation for him, to have so many things, that he actually had to make a decision what could be taken with him. It seemed like ages ago since he could fit all of his position in his old, beat up duffle bag. Among the packet of papers Une had given them was a check list for all of the things they would need to bring, but Duo was still finding it hard to decide what was necessary and what wasn't. Quatre had commented an hour ago, watching him struggle with what sort of shirts he should bring, that he was a boy scout, always prepared for anything, and Duo supposed that, in a way, he was. He knew, better than most, that anything could happen, and it was always better to have something you would never need than to be without something that could very well save your life. So, while packing what was `most necessary', he couldn't help but second guess himself and go through every scenario, even ones that were completely insane. Heero said it was just… in his nature. Taking a school bus wasn't such a problem for him since he reasoned it was probably a lot like taking a city bus, only there were just his classmates with him and the ride was going to take five hours instead of five minutes.

On top of all of his anxieties about the trip, Duo was also dealing with Shei, who had finally opened her eyes a few days ago. The event had been both a blessing and a curse for him, because it drove home to him that his little kitten was never going to be completely healthy. Whatever disorder, something Trowa had no problem pronouncing, but Duo stumbled over, had made Shei weak and her leg underdeveloped had also made her blind in her left eye. Her right was a brilliant yellow, just like Shiva's, but her left was a hauntingly beautiful mix between a light blue, silver, and white with no pupil at all. To Duo, it looked a lot like the glowing full moon and ever since then, Trowa had been calling her `Luna', which had prompted Heero to make jokes about something called `Sailor Moon', which Duo didn't understand. Her newly awakened sight had given the kitten a sort of courage she had never displayed before. Usually, she would stay with contact with Duo, terrified of the world around her, her only real actions licking Duo's fingers and mewling, but now that her good eye was open, she was constantly limping around. Duo had instinctually followed her around the first time she had tried to walk around and he was glad that he had. With only one good eye and little motor skills between her age and her game leg, the kitten frequently bumped into things, the legs of the nightstand, the walls, Duo was terrified that if he didn't stalk her, she would fall down the steps or walk into something that could end up hurting her little body. It never ceased to amaze him how quickly she became attached to him and he couldn't help but worry about what would happen when he was gone on the trip, but he trusted Name to take care of Shei.

As he stood at the bed, folding his shirts, the black kitten rubbed her head against his foot, the only part she could reach with her size, and mewed pitifully for his attention. Shiva and Sammy watched this with interest from their spots on the bed. Duo gently picked her up and let her lick his cheek.

“It'll be ok,” he assured her, the cat's little purrs at the sound of his voice, the voice of the only being that had ever cared for her, soothed his anxieties. She placed the paw of her hurt leg on Duo's cheek and rubbed her head against his skin affectionately.

“Name's been following her around while we've been at school,” Trowa said as he walked into the bedroom. Duo stared at him, trying not to laugh at the image of the powerful woman following his kitten around to make sure she didn't hurt herself.

“Really?”

Trowa nodded.

“I caught her when we got home today,” he said with a chuckle, “She was following her like a guard dog.”

A surprised laugh bubbled out of Duo's throat.

“You have nothing to worry about,” Trowa assured him, “I promise you, Duo, you will do fine. You'll be safe, we all will be, and your kitten will be fine.”

Duo gave him a grateful smile that made Trowa's heart clench at how much trust the longhaired boy had in him.

“You're right. I'm not going to run away anymore and if Wes hasn't made a move here, there's no way he's going to follow me to Boston. My head knows that, my nerves just need to catch up to that fact,” he said, the two boys watching as Shei curled up in his cupped palm, “She's just so fragile, and I have to admit, I'm a bit scared. I've never gone anywhere before and I hate being unprepared.”

Trowa squeezed his shoulder.

“Like I said, I promise you, we'll keep you safe,” he swore.

“I believe you,” Duo said.

 

 

 

 

 

Duo had never had to deal with what Heero called a `spastic Mom' before, but he could see how most would consider it nerve wracking as Name had bombarded him and Heero with orders as they four of them practically ran out the door with suitcases and duffle bags. It was still hard for him to believe that they were really doing this. He supposed he was just as bad, though, as all he could say to Name in the last hour before they had to go to the school to get on the bus was what to do to take care of Shei. The amused smile on Heero and Trowa's faces had been worth it, though, despite his anxiety over leaving his animals alone. Behind his anxieties and fear, he felt a very intense excitement over the trip as they piled into Heero's car and drove to the school. He had never really considered himself a parent before, but even Quatre had poked fun at him acting like Name with the prospect of leaving for a week. He still didn't know what scared him more, being away from people and things that he cared about, or doing something that he had never done before, far away from the comforts he had been given the last few months. Well… that wasn't entirely true. A lot of his comforts were now sitting next to him on the school bus, along with about fifty other students. Duo leaned his forehead against the cool glass of the window as Une prattled on about hotel room numbers and where they were going to stop to have dinner, as well as remarking that there weren't nearly as many students as last year as she stood at the front of the bus. He felt Heero stiffen next to him and looked over in confusion. His violet eyes met with Zechs' light blue ones momentarily, the taller boy sneering at him, but Duo looked over at the window again, ignoring him. Only Heero noticed the furious look Zechs gave the back of Duo's head.

“Move forward, Merquise,” Une snapped from the front of the bus. Zechs growled at her, but walked forward as the people behind him grumbled that he was holding up the line. Heero fought the urge to childishly stick his tongue out at Zechs' back, but decided to be the `better man' about it. He certainly felt that way with Duo's shoulder pressed against his as they sat in the small seat together. It felt so good, that gentle pressure, feeling Duo's warmth against him. He asked himself, it seemed like everyday, why he could never tell him how he felt about him. He figured it boiled down to a several things. He was afraid of rejection, who wouldn't be when they were facing their first, true love, not to mention that that love was his best friend? One of the biggest reasons was Duo's past. He was afraid that if he ever confessed to being in love with him, Duo would panic or feel obligated, just because he didn't want Heero to be angry or disappointed at him. Also, Duo was the defining point of his sexuality. His engagement with Relena and his inability to have sex with her had made him question it, and he had always known that he was capable of feeling things for both sexes, but what he felt for Duo seemed so powerful, he couldn't imagine feeling anything like it for a girl. Still, he had never had an actual homosexual relationship before and he would have to be an idiot not to be a little bit scared. But, there was also the fact that he didn't need it to be happy. Yes, it hurt, knowing he would never be able to touch Duo in the way he really wanted, but feeling him next to him was so wonderful, it was enough for him. Something so little, something that was so incredible for him, had never been enough for a greedy bastard like Zechs who had had to take everything, things that he had no right to take. Heero could never do that, he was just glad for any small bit of affection Duo could give him. But he would never steal it, even if it had to hurt for the rest of his life.

Duo jolted in shock as the bus started suddenly and started to move. Before he could even automatically grab Heero's hand, his best friend's larger hand was around his, squeezing tight.

“You ok?” Heero asked softly, his voice nearly overshadowed by the cheers and loud voices of the other students. Duo nodded.

“I'll be fine,” he assured him, “It's just weird, you know? I've never left this town in my entire life. I was born here, I think, and I thought that I would die here without seeing a different sky. Now, it feels like it's so soon, like I'm too young for this to happen. I didn't even have to sell my soul for it to happen, just pay 75 bucks and get someone to sign a form.”

Heero smiled at him affectionately. Duo acted so incredibly mature one moment and then an innocent child the next. Some might find it painful or confusing, but he found it adorable.

 

 

 

Their town didn't have one of those `Now Leaving' signs, just a sign with the name of their town and then another sign with the name of the next town. Still, Duo felt a thrill when the bus passed over that invisible line, a sort of electric sensation as he realized that he was now in a different place and, in only a few hours, he would be in a different state. Someplace with a huge amount of people that he had never met, wearing and speaking different things, bright lights everywhere and smells he had never experienced. There was that feeling again, that rush of fear and excitement all rolled up into one. The days prior to this felt like they had gone by in a rush, taking care of Shei, packing, all of it, but right now, it felt like time had slowed to a stop, but he didn't hate the slowness of it. He realized that, sitting next to Heero so closely, knowing that he would spending the week with him, far away from the home that he had always known, there wasn't really any other place he would rather be. It felt… nice, even among his worries and fears.

 

 

Heero was extremely grateful that, two hours into the bus ride, his other classmates grew tired of singing and playing weird verbal games with the teachers and chaperones and settled down to read or listen to music on their own. Quatre and Trowa were playing cards while Wufei was reading in the seat in front of them. Duo had fallen asleep on his shoulder about an hour ago and Heero had no desire to wake him up since he seemed comfortable and he knew that he probably hadn't slept well last night. He was probably one of those people that could sleep anywhere and after his excitement over seeing a forest for the first time, he had settled enough to dose off. It reminded Heero of his promise to take him to the beach some time. It made him feel bad that he hadn't been able to fulfill that promise yet. He wondered if Duo even remembered, or he resented him for not going through with it, though he doubted that was true, but he also doubted that Duo had forgotten. Still, so much had happened and he had never gotten the chance to go through with it. Boston was on the water, too, but it wasn't quite the same thing and he knew that Duo would see it the same way. His excitement over the forest had been obvious and it had made Heero smile as well. Leave it to a boy that had lived his whole life in the middle of Maine to fall in love with more nature. Of course, the town they lived in wasn't exactly in the boonies, but if a moose or fox wandered through the town, no one would loose their minds over it. One day, he wanted to take Duo to a national park or zoo, but he wondered if it would be too painful for him, too much like a date. He frowned as he watched Duo sleep, the younger boy's expression tightening in a sort of mental pain. He took a risk and brushed Duo's bangs out of his face, glad that the longhaired boy didn't so much as flinch at the touch.

“Don't dream,” he murmured.

 

 

 

 

 

“Why would I let the best thing in my life slip through my fingers?”

 

“I love you like a son.”

 

Nonsensical phrases, but they sounded so familiar… He was moving through the darkness, though it felt like a fog, voices and objects garbled until the familiar became odd to him, things from so long ago… he didn't want to remember them. Suddenly, he realized that he wasn't alone as he walked. Another was by his side, matching each step. He whirled and caught a glimpse of a pale face and long, ebony hair.

“Don't ever let them get the drop on you. Don't ever let them turn you into something you're not… if that were to happen… There's no going back. We're not puppets, Duo, we're nothing less than human. So… don't let them win. Never let them win… Even if we die fighting, it's better than living a lie. I'd rather die knowing my true worth, than live as anything less than I am. Don't let them convince you of anything, only we know our true worth, do you understand, Duo?”

More words from the past, but they made his insides hurt.

“What do you mean?” he heard himself ask, but it wasn't really himself. Rather, it was a part of him from long ago, a very old memory.

“They never give up,” the black haired boy said, “I tried to run away, but your past follows you. You have to burn it every scrap of it until there's nothing left. That's the only way to escape it, but even then… the ghost of it always remains. Those ghosts will find you in the end, and unless you know who you are, they'll destroy you. Don't let them get the drop on you. You're stronger than that. If you can remind yourself that people will say things, say lies, just to hurt you, that you, and only you, can know yourself to make any judgments, you can survive anything.”

He heard himself laugh, but it was a dark, disbelieving sound.

“But what if you're just lying to yourself? What if you don't know yourself at all? What if you're too weak to know the difference?”

The other boy smiled at him and sharp pain shot through Duo's chest as he realized who it was, and when.

“If you're so weak, you wouldn't have lasted in this business for so long.”

 

“Duo, wake up,” Heero gently shook his friend's shoulder. Slit violet eyes peered up at him groggily.

“Yuki?” he murmured sleepily in confusion. Heero frowned. He hadn't thought that Duo spoke Japanese, unless he was referring to a person, but he couldn't think of anyone in town with a Japanese name besides himself. Duo rubbed at his eyes, sitting up straighter as his surroundings came back to him.

“We've stopped?” he asked, his dreams fading away into nothingness, only a few sparks of incoherent memory remaining.

“Dinner time, Duo,” Trowa said with a soft smile as he stood next to their seat, Quatre waiting impatiently for the line of students in front of him to move so they could leave the cramped bus. Duo stretched his arms over his head.

“Where are we? How long has it been?” he asked.

“We're in Concord, New Hampshire,” Quatre offered, “It's been two hours since we left town, but we still have another two hours to go.”

Duo groaned loudly as he stood, popping his spine.

“I can't believe I fell asleep,” he grumbled. Heero chuckled, the line moving forward enough that he could leave their seat and stumble into the aisle.

“You didn't sleep well last night, did you?”

Duo blushed guiltily.

“Not really,” he admitted, “I've never dealt with excitement or anxiety well.”

`Though I never had much to be excited about in the past,' he thought silently, but he knew his friends would add that sentiment onto his sentence on their own. He followed Heero as the five of them shuffled off the bus and into some sort of roadside complex. Duo had never seen one before, but understood the concept. The parking lot was bigger than the building itself, filled with their school buses and tons of other cars and vehicles, even a few motorcycles. He knew that there were places like this all over the major roads where people on long trips could stop for a bite to eat or a map, if they were lost. The outside of it didn't look all that extraordinary, but he looked around the inside with interest. The `rest stop', if it could even be called such a thing, monopolized on the same stereotype that all Northern New England tourist attractions did and the inside of the building had been built to look like the inside of a log cabin with dark, aged wood everywhere and pictures of moose, salmon, leaves in the fall, and even some photos and paintings of wolves. Duo had never come across a wolf in his entire life and he was pretty sure that the only wolves in New England existed in parks and zoos, so when they passed a small boy that claimed he and his parents could see one, or perhaps even a bear, on their camping trip, Duo rolled his eyes to himself.

“I thought wolves were extinct up here?” Quatre noted having seen the same picture that Duo had.

“They are,” Trowa said dryly, “the bottom of the photo says it was taken at Yellow Stone. Just don't tell the tourists that.”

“Isn't that what we are?” Duo asked him with a fake wide-eyed look.

“Hardly,” Trowa gave an equally fake nose-in-the-air expression, “We are proper New Englanders.”

Heero sighed dramatically as Duo and Trowa chuckled together. Having lived most of his life in Italy, Trowa was as far away from a `New Englander' as you could get.

“Like peas in a pod,” he noted in a low voice. It was almost scary how alike Duo and Trowa were, especially their sense of humor. Duo looked around and saw with relief that, amidst the tourist gift shops and mini local museum attractions, not to mention stand after stand of brochures, there was a bathroom and a food court.

“I could kill for a hamburger,” he grumbled. Having never traveled before, or fallen asleep on a bus before, he was unfamiliar with the drowsy, heavy feeling he had, or the sense of confusion and alienation of falling asleep in one state and waking up in another. He felt that some hot food in his stomach would wake him up and he had the sudden intense craving for beef.

“How about a double hamburger, fries, and a milk shake, with a piece of hot apple pie for dessert?” Heero suggested, noticing that one of the restaurants was a chin that existed in their town. Duo looked like he was almost ready to drool at the thought of a hot meal.

“There is a God and his name is Heero!” Duo exclaimed cheekily.

“Ok, everyone!” Une's no nonsense voice caught the attention of students and tourists alike, “The buses will be leaving in exactly one hour, so whatever it is you have to do here, do it fast! If you are not on the bus you came in on, none of us will be leaving! In the 36 years we have been going on this trip, we have never lost a single person and that is a trend we wish to uphold! The next time the buses stop, we'll be in Boston, Massachusetts!”

A cheer went up among the students and Duo couldn't help but feel energized. Her role as chaperone and pretty much `den mother' to the large group of teenagers completed for the moment, Une left to call her husband in a whirl of mahogany hair. She always wished that they could go together on these field trips, a sort of small vacation from their busy lives as teachers, but since Treize was the principal, he had to always stay behind, especially this year with a smaller group going on the trip.

“Let's go get you that burger,” Trowa said, clapping Duo on the shoulder, “I could go for a nice chicken sandwich myself.”

Une smiled to herself as she managed to overhear the tall boy's comment as he led Duo towards the food court. She knew that, as a teacher, she wasn't supposed to play favorites, but she was glad that Duo was going on the trip this year. It had been painful to watch the shy, lonely child Duo had been being left behind year after year, watching the throng of kids getting on the buses with a longing look. It was obvious to her that the trip was already doing him a lot of good, or perhaps that was just being with his friends. It made her smile brightly at how much he had changed, from reclusive and anti-social to the point of social terror to joking and hanging out with friends he had only had for a few months, as though they were brothers. She was glad that, for once, she could see a happy ending for someone who truly deserved it.

 

 

 

Dinner was a nice affair, most of the students too hungry and eager to see the bright lights of Boston to pull anything, especially with Une and the other teachers watching them like hawks. Zechs had bumped into Duo when he had tried to get to their table, but the longhaired brunette was agile enough to right himself without spilling so much as a single fry, which seemed to only agitate Zechs further. Heero had looked like he was going to start something, but Trowa kept a hand on his shoulder until Duo was seated and they all acted like nothing had happened.

At one point, a family of tourists had sat down at the table next to theirs and talked about their trip so far. They had traveled from Tennessee to here in an RV they had rented. Duo wondered what that was like, piling into a confined space and driving all over the country. At the same time it sounded kind of stressful, it sounded fun, too. Of course, he was sure that the family didn't have the problem with small spaces that he had, or staying in one place for long periods of time… It would be fun to see so many different places and people and wildlife… but even he knew his own limitations and that such a trip wouldn't end well for him, at least not at this stage of his life. Suddenly, Trowa tensed beside him and Duo came back to the family's conversation quick enough to catch a comment about `up-state inbred hicks' and `illegal mutts'. The scathing conversation was sharp enough that Duo felt fury boil in his gut and he glared over at the family, only to find both the mother and father giving their group an equal glare and realized that the comments had been directed at him and his friends. That only made the fury crest stronger and stronger inside of him. He didn't know what pissed him off more, how the mother was glaring at his two Asian friends like they were demons, or how they had somehow focused on his own, slight, Maine accent and had judged him for it. It was something he didn't even think about. Sure, Wes had never had that accent and Duo was sure he had lived somewhere else, but he had lived in Maine his entire life and that accent was just so… normal for him, he never had even thought about it… Did that make him a hick, having something that defined him as coming from some place specific? He didn't even know why it made him feel sick inside, being signaled out by something he had never even realized about himself. He wasn't sure what he wanted, to get out of his seat and punch one of them in the face for daring to say such things about his friends, or run and hide from just one more person, or in this case four, judging him for something he couldn't change. However, Trowa didn't give him the chance to make any sort of decision. The mother watched with wide eyes as the tall boy stood and approached them.

“My friends and I would really appreciate it if you would keep your voices down,” he said slowly, in a low, non-hostile tone, “We're trying to eat and your… language… is very distasteful.”

The father narrowed his eyes at him.

“What I find distasteful is being talked back to by someone who doesn't deserve to be here,” the man snapped.

“Fence fairy,” his wife hissed at Trowa, who looked at her in shock. Duo half expected his friend to slap her, but the green-eyed boy stayed stock still and Duo realized he could easily see the lion-wrangling circus boy Trowa had been.

“Actually, I'm Italian,” Trowa corrected as though he were talking to a small child, “If you're going to insult people, use the correct insults or you come off as… childish. Of course, you come off that way, anyway.”

The man grit his teeth, opening his mouth to yell at Trowa, but the boy interrupted him in a flurry of motion, slamming his hands on the table.

“Use such disgusting language in front of my friends again, and I'll show you what a `savage' I can be,” he said in a frighteningly cold voice. The family stared at him in fear, even as he walked briskly out of the food court.

“Trowa…” Quatre murmured. He had never seen his lover upset in their entire time together. It was more than just slightly alarming. Wufei couldn't believe the entire scene and felt a bit relieved that none of their classmates had noticed what had happened. He still couldn't fathom the sort of mentality that could insult people based on their looks, and what was that shit about `up-state hicks'? He knew that it had rankled a bit with Duo and that felt worse to him than any `Chink' comments they could have dished out. Duo was from their own goddamn country and they still found fault with him just because of the way he spoke, and in reality, his accent was barely there. It just made him realize that people never changed. There were people that hated each other for such stupid reasons as `differences', so why was it so easy for the five of them, all from different places and different beliefs, to be so close?

Heero watched in shock as it wasn't Quatre who ended up running after Trowa, but Duo. He rose, but Quatre grabbed his arm.

“Don't,” the blonde pleaded, “You know how he likes his privacy. He's probably embarrassed…”

Sad aqua met furious cobalt for a brief moment before Heero turned his angry look at the family.

“I'm not going after him. Whatever's bothering him, Duo can talk him down from. Better than I ever could,” Heero pointed out. It was something that his best friend was good at, Duo had talked him down plenty of times in the past.

“I just suddenly have the urge to not be here anymore,” he said stiffly.

 

 

 

 

 

Despite only being a few minutes behind Trowa, Duo found himself struggling to keep up with his much taller friend until the two boys ended up in one of the bathrooms. Duo was immensely glad that there was no one else there, especially for some of the things he needed to say. Despite the wide spread belief among his classmates, his personal life was not on display, and certainly none of their business. Just to be safe, he closed the door behind him and wedged the door stop under the crack to keep it stuck. If Trowa noticed him do this, he didn't say anything about it as he stood at the sinks, looking at his reflection in the mirror.

“I'm sorry,” he said, still not facing Duo.

“Sorry?” Duo questioned. He mentally went through everything that had happened in the last half an hour, but couldn't come up with anything that Trowa would feel the need to apologize for.

“Scaring you, I mean,” the green eyed boy clarified. Duo shrugged.

“You only scared me because you're my friend and I'm worried about you. Did what they say bother you that badly?” he asked. Trowa finally turned to face him, his arms folded over his chest.

“Until I had met Quatre, I had never been outside of Italy, had never had to deal with people that might… think things of me just because how I looked or spoke. But, then we started to date and suddenly I was traveling all over the place. I learned pretty quickly how to develop thick skin to people's numerous prejudices. I had thought I could handle anything anyone threw at me, but in all those times, I was the one dealing with the slurs. I don't think Quatre's ever heard those things before. I never wanted him to hear those things. And then, when you realized that they were talking about you and you got that… look in your eyes, I guess I kind of snapped,” Trowa explained.

“What look?” Duo asked in confusion. He wasn't aware he had a look. Of course, he hadn't been aware that he had had an accent, either.

“Sometimes, you get this look, like you're second guessing yourself, like you're measuring yourself up and you never like what you find. I hate that look, and I hate anyone who can put that look in your eyes,” the taller boy said stiffly, “And you're certainly not an `in-bred hick.'”

“I could be,” Duo pointed out, “For all I know, my parents could be sewer mutants or something.”

Trowa snorted.

“You shouldn't have to deal with people like that. Heero and Quatre were pretty well protected, but only out in the open. In reality, Heero got the worst of it out of the three of us. In Japan, he didn't fit in because he was tall and had blue eyes, everywhere else he didn't fit in because he looks Japanese. He never really fit in anywhere, but somehow, here, when he's with you, he looks like he doesn't belong anywhere else. You look the same way,” Trowa said softly. Duo blushed darkly and found that he couldn't say anything to that, whether it was the truth or not.

“Do I look Mexican to you?” Trowa suddenly blurted out. Duo gave out a sharp bark of laughter in surprise.

“N-no… You just… uh… look like… Trowa…” Duo stammered to find the right response. He wasn't sure what Mexican people or Italian people were supposed to `look like'. He wasn't even sure if there was such a thing as being able to tell where someone came from, just by what they looked like. However, Trowa smiled at him affectionately, so he hoped he had said something right.

“Do you remember your parents?” Duo ventured cautiously. He remembered Quatre telling him that Trowa's parents had died when he had been just a baby, and he knew that his older sister had taken care of him and then his uncle, but he wondered if he had any little memories of his parents at all. To his dismay, Trowa shook his head.

“For as long as I can remember, Catherine was there for me, like a young mother that I could talk to and joke around with. Even before I knew that sort of monster that my uncle was, I felt closer to her. Sometimes, you're distant from your family, you feel like they're strangers. But… Catherine actually felt like my sister, you know? Like we were kindred spirits as well as family.”

“It must have been nice,” Duo told him with a smile, “To have someone that's related to you always be there, to know where you came from.”

Trowa nodded.

“It was.”

“Where do… where do you think I came from, racially, I mean?” Duo asked. It was something that he had thought about through the years, but not very often and not very hard, though he didn't know if it was because he didn't have the information to think on it for very long, or that it was simply to painful to try to think of the things he couldn't remember, no matter how hard he had tried as a child. His blush grew as Trowa studied his face.

“European without a doubt,” he said, “Irish, a bit of Swedish, quite a bit of German, I think. Does it bother you that much, not knowing where you came from? Don't you have any memories of your family at all?”

Duo looked away from him.

“Not really. The first thing I remember is waking up and being on the streets. I couldn't remember where I came from before that, how old I was, or even my own name, let alone remember my parents. It's strange, no one really remembers the first three to four years of their lives and neither do I, yet I'm missing this huge chunk of my life. Just not remembering such a small amount of time, and I got lost, I don't even know who I am, not really, anyway. I may say that I've lived my whole life in one place, but that's not true. I could have come from anywhere at all and I'll never know the truth, just what my mind remembers, which isn't very reliable. I've lost memories before and who knows what I've forgotten-,” Duo said passionately.

The two teenagers jumped as someone tried to open the door, followed by a sharp knocking.

“Hey, open the door!”

“Shut the fuck up!” Trowa snapped, angry that the boy had interrupted Duo, especially considering what he had been telling him.

“Asshole,” came the muffled response, but they listened as the boy shuffled off.

“I dreamt of her in the hospital,” Duo murmured, as though he were talking to himself. Trowa looked at him with wide green eyes.

“Duo?” he asked, unsure of what was happening. He had been sure that, with the interruption, Duo would have let the topic drop and now that he hadn't, Trowa wasn't sure what to say. He wasn't even sure of what Duo had meant with what he had just said. The longhaired boy looked at him and the look in his violet eyes chilled Trowa to the bone.

“When I was in the hospital and my withdrawal was making me so sick, I had this dream,” Duo tried to explain, “there was this woman singing to me. It was a lullaby and her voice was so familiar… Does that count as a memory? What if, somewhere deep inside, I remember her voice? Or… maybe I was just going crazy because I was in so much pain…”

Trowa sighed sadly and pulled Duo into his arms. The other boy didn't protest, but was unable to look up at his friend.

“I guess I've spent too much time wondering why I was on my own, if my parents had died, or if they hated me enough to actually leave me on the side of the road somewhere. That voice… that song… it was probably all in my head… but it made me feel better, to think that I could remember my mother's voice,” Duo said into Trowa's shirt.

“I think… if your parents did abandon you, then they didn't deserve you in the first place,” Trowa said, resting his chin on the top of Duo's head, “And I think that you did just fine without parents. You may never know where you came from, and I may never know how my parents knew to put me in my sister's care, instead of my uncle's, but we didn't do so bad, did we? As far as families go, the family we have right now is pretty kick ass.”

Duo chuckled and gave his friend a brief hug before they broke away.

“Well, there is that. They probably think you put a bomb in that family's RV or something,” the longhaired boy smirked. Trowa bent down to un-wedge the doorstop and opened the door for Duo.

“That sounds like a pretty good idea, actually,” he said cheekily. Duo swatted his arm.

“Don't say that! I could see Wufei doing that, maybe, or perhaps Quatre, but not you,” he said with a grin.

“Oh? What about Heero and me? What would we do?” Trowa asked as they left the bathroom and headed back towards the front of the building.

“Well, Heero would probably just beat the crap out of them, but you would stake a darker territory and break their fragile, boring psyches.”

Trowa laughed, a rare sound.

“And you would take the high road and just ignore the lot of them,” Trowa said. Duo smiled at him, but didn't tell him about the incredible rage at the family he had felt earlier.

 

 

 

End Part 4