Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ To See You Again ❯ Intensity ( Chapter 47 )

Chapter 47: Intensity

 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

 

The court hearing went over rather quickly and both to Duo's and my relief. Duo only had to be in the court room with a judge instead of with all of the men who had sexually assaulted him. He was so sullen at times, mostly when I can home to him and relieved either Trowa or Quatre from guard duty.

 

It wasn't that I was overprotective of him that made me ask them. I couldn't keep taking days to weeks off when I wanted to any more and as much as Margo adored me, she didn't like the new version of me being away from my desk so much.

 

When I first got Duo home, I brought all of my work with me and some extra as well to make up for lost time. I handed it back to Margo the next day and even though she was pleased, she was still upset that I was missing all the important meetings I was supposed to attend while nursing Duo back to health.

 

Duo was hurting badly when I had to move him around. The bruises he received were making him sore and uncomfortable and didn't help me any when I had to feed him since repositioning him without causing anything to hurt him was nearly impossible. Quatre checked in with me at least five or more times a day until finally I couldn't take it anymore and told him to take care of Duo himself if he thought he could.

 

And he did.

 

He showed up the next morning with coffee in his hands and took charge the moment he entered the apartment. He told me to get ready for work and not worry about Duo one bit and after two weeks of either of our two friends in my apartment and the court hearing finally over, I thought Duo would slowly come back to normal.

 

The problem was, he wasn't even attempting to try to be like he was before.

 

If I made him something to eat, he would eat a bit of it, utter a thanks and stare off into space waiting for me to finish. If I wanted to watch a show and asked him if he wanted something different on he said what we were watching was fine then just watch it or sit where I put him. If I told him the world was coming to and end he would have probably said that it was nice and just go back to day dreaming.

 

I was completely at a loss.

 

Duo didn't care what went on around him anymore. He didn't state his opinions on anything, just said whatever that had been planned was okay. It was driving me insane.

 

I came home tonight with a treat for him, mocha latte flavored chocolate torte (1) and a coffee from the diner. Everyone there was wondering what had happened to Duo when I came in and I told them that he just needed to be alone, which was as much of the truth as there was.

 

Duo just wanted to be left alone and Quatre or Trowa were only there during the day to keep him company and make sure he was doing okay. I found him laying on the couch watching some kind of show that I hadn't seen before but let it go for the moment to see if Trowa was still around since it was his day to come over.

 

"You just missed him." Duo called out softly. "He left ten minutes ago to catch the alcohol shipment with Kat."

 

"Couldn't he have waited until I got here?" I asked back, surprised that Duo was chatty today.

 

"I told him he could stop baby-sitting me and go back to his lover. Oh believe me, he tried to stay but I chucked a shoe at him when he started to hover like Kat." That surprised me.

 

"You threw a shoe at him?" I went over to the couch after laying the torte on the counter and brought him a cup of coffee. He took a sip and I saw a ghost of a smile on his face before he sipped some more. I sighed and waited for him to continue, but he was in one of those moods again and I just wanted to get supper done.

 

"What do you want to eat?" He shrugged.

 

"You don't care or don't know?" Another shrug, then he went back to sipping the coffee. My patience was running thin and I really just wanted to grab him and shake him until the real Duo popped out. Although, I knew that was a bad idea and wouldn't work any way. Suggestions sometimes worked the best. "How about a pizza with mushrooms?"

 

"Sounds fine to me. Make whatever you want, you know I'll eat it."

 

"Fine." I went to make the pizza from scratch since I knew how and we always had a stock of supplies any way. Duo came over to watch me as I sprinkled the cheeses on top of the sauce and he grabbed a handful himself and helped sprinkle more on it. We worked together in silence until I opened up the can and then placed the mushrooms on top of the cheese and placed it in the oven. It would only take fifteen minutes, but I still wanted Duo to talk to me.

 

"So what did you do today?" He glanced up at me then back down to the oven, waiting for the pizza to get done and the small chit chat over with.

 

"What I have been doing since I got to come home. I get up, take a shower, Tro or Kat comes, we watch some TV together, have lunch, they clean the apartment while I stare at the screen some more, they make me do stretches and my work out, and then they make me comfy for your return home oh mighty one. My day is boring compared to yours."

 

"You think so?" I arched my brow at him and looked at him for a moment before realizing he was turning away from me.

 

"Yeah, I know so. You probably have fun with all the computers and getting hit on at ever turn. Did someone ask you out yet? Maybe out for lunch so you could have a good time and I wouldn't know about it?"

 

WHAT?

 

"How could you even think of me that way?" I asked stunned and hurt at his harsh words. This wasn't the Duo I loved. This Duo was bitter.

 

"It isn't so uncommon, Heero," he said conversationally. "A lot of people find a nice piece of ass when their current one is broken and can't service anymore. I hope you're needs are being fulfilled by someone pleasant since I'm so repulsive. When do you want me to move out?"

 

I couldn't speak. The stabs kept coming and slashed through my heart without mercy. Duo's voice trembled even as he was saying all these horrible things. He was pushing me. Pushing and testing to see how much he could prod me until I got furious with him and made him leave.

 

Was that his plan?

 

I wouldn't fall for something like this after all we had been through.

 

Steeling myself, I walked over to him and tilted his face up to mine. His eyes wouldn't turn to meet me, but I didn't need them to since I wasn't looking for anything.

 

Slowly, I descended on his soft lips and claimed them in the only way I could show Duo how I really felt without putting too much strain on him. I kissed him deeper and I felt him respond to me. He yielded his mouth to mine and I took charge of the kiss. Poured all my love where he and I connected and let it filter down into his soul.

 

I gently let him go and cupped his face in my hands to watch those violet orbs finally turn to me. His eyes full of tears and sorrow, of hope and misery, and pain. Open and vulnerable for me to see inside his very soul was the real Duo looking out of those amethyst jewels.

 

He reached for me and pulled me to him and held on tight as the flood broke and all I felt was the sobs that ripped through him. My shirt was quickly becoming wet as the tears were released from their prisons and all I could do was hang onto him and say meaningless nothings to him.

 

Duo needed to be grounded to me and find that safe place he had once found in me before. He had to search for it and grasp it once again with all his might and never let go of it again.

 

I don't know how long we were locked in that embrace but it didn't matter. My lover needed it and I would give him the sun if it was in my power to give to him. The guilt was rushing back to him and the apology was planted on his tongue as we parted. I hushed him with a finger and then a kiss then smelt the pizza.

 

It was starting to burn, but was still salvageable and we both ate it. Every attempt Duo made at an apology, I hushed him. I knew he didn't mean what he had said and I knew how much he was kicking himself for letting it slip out in a moment of weakness. That was punishing him enough and I didn't want him to feel guilty.

 

He was afraid of losing me and I knew it.

 

Dinner was a quiet affair and Duo kept looking up at me through the shelter of his bangs. His eyes were still casting the sadness and guilt, waiting for me to make some kind move to follow the threat he had suggested and I finally knew what I was going to say to him.

 

"Where would you go if I tossed you out of here and never wanted to see you again?" I asked coldly.

 

Duo's eyes widened and he blinked a few moments before stumbling out an answer. "I-I g-guess, I w-w-would go to Quatre and Tro's apartment or the club."

 

"And what about if they didn't want you there? You'd be intruding on their lives. Do you think they would forgive you and forget about it?"

 

"I-I don't know. Kat wouldn't do that to me, but I see you're point." Duo looked away and played with the burnt pizza crust still on his plate.

 

"Duo. Don't just say that when you really don't know."

 

"I know I'm a burden to you. I keep piling on all the ways I'm a slut and you keep me out of pity!" Duo shouted and got up. I grabbed his arm before he could run and pulled him back to me. I settled him in my lap and held him tightly. He didn't struggle or try to escape me. The body in my arms was tense but willing to be touched and I bent to kiss his temple.

 

"You aren't a burden, but you are being a pain in the ass. Trowa told you stop thinking badly of yourself!"

 

"I can't help it."

 

"I think you can." I picked him up and sat him on the table so I could see his face even if he ducked his head.

 

"Why do you think I would want anyone, but you?" Duo opened his mouth and I placed my fingers on his lips to stop him. "Don't answer that. Just listen to me." Duo nodded and I took my fingers away.

 

"You are the only one I love and anything that has happened to you doesn't change anything. You tried to scare me away with your past before and it didn't work then and this time is no different. If you even begin to think our relationship is based on sex, I'll smack you.

 

"I haven't stayed by your side this long to leave you because we don't have to change the sheets as often. What goes on between us stays between us and no one else. I love everything about you and I just wish you would stop making up excuses for me to leave you, because I won't.

 

"You have nowhere else to go that would welcome you as much as I would. If think I would shut my door on you, you're mistaken. I need you in my life and it is where you belong. Now, if you don't mind... I want a kiss from my real lover and not the ghost of him this time."

 

Duo smirked and leaned into me for a long, passionate kiss. He sat in my lap as it grew more intense and I could taste him even when he pulled away. We had come through some tough hurdles and I knew that there was a long road to his recovery that still had to be discovered. The first steps were baby sized and I knew that not all the hurdles could be conquered just yet.

 

xoxoxoxox

 

"Hey Heero, do you think we could go out to the movies when you get home?" Duo called from the bedroom as I emerged from the shower. He had already taken his and was in the process of drying his hair when I entered our bedroom. He had the remainder of his bandages removed yesterday and felt good enough to do some work finally. Quatre and Trowa would be at the club to help him reorganize what he wanted to do and I was driving him there for the sake of my own sanity.

 

"Sure when do you want me to pick you up. I'll get out around 4:30 today. Margo said we have a board meeting this morning for some new buyers so it shouldn't be a problem." I pulled on my clothes and then settled behind him. "Scoot back a little. Let me help you." He handed me the brush and I quickly smoothed his damp with the stroke of the brush and my fingers.

 

I quickly set it in a braid and help him get ready. We were out the door in under five minutes and we stopped at a fast food place to pick up a quick meal. Duo stayed quite throughout the drive, but when I finally pulled up to the club he looked over at me with a look that melted my heart.

 

"You'll be back exactly at five, right?" Duo asked softly.

 

"I promise, my heart." I leaned over to him and gave him a gentle kiss, which he responded to full heatedly. He got out then and waved as I drove back onto the road and off to work.

 

The meeting met first thing and I was thankful for the full coffee pot that was in the room. I needed it desperately to keep myself awake. The new buyers had a thousand questions and I couldn't escape no matter how much I tried. When they were finally satisfied with all the answers we provided, Margo let me get away and finish my work. It didn't take me long and I was on my way back to Duo before I knew it.

 

The club doors were open and as I drove into the lot, I spotted Duo sitting on the sidewalk with his head resting on his knees. His arms were wrapped around his legs and I noticed that Trowa wasn't that far away from him helping Quatre install a new light bulb in the club sign.

 

Duo just seemed to be staring out into space again and I noticed him looking at his watch every few moments. I parked my car around back without being noticed and looked at the time myself. It was exactly five o'clock, but Duo didn't spot me yet. I walked under the cover of shadow that the building provided and snuck around. Looking around the corner, I saw that Duo was rocking himself back and forth gently and that Trowa had joined him.

 

"Where is he, Tro?" Duo grumbled. "He said he was going to be here at five!"

 

"Relax Duo, I'm sure he's coming. He promised you, didn't he? Maybe he just got caught up in traffic." Trowa said gently.

 

"Yeah, sure. Or maybe he decided to just leave me here and go find someone else to fuck!" The bitter tone was back in his voice and I watched as Duo's head suddenly snapped to the side. Trowa had smacked him!

 

"What is wrong with you Duo? Why are you saying that? Heero would never do that! You and I both know it!" Trowa demanded angrily.

 

"You sound just like him. I know he wouldn't do that, but I can't stop thinking that maybe it will happen. I couldn't deal with that again, Tro. To just be loved for one instant and then have it all disappear and become someones fuck toy again, I just can't do it any more. I love him so much and I just want to stay around him all the time. I don't want him to be mad at me, but I-I can't help thinking that he's more than I deserve. That I'm just holding him back and he deserves to be free from all the shit that goes on with me."

 

Duo's voice cracked at the last part and I watched as Trowa gathered him into his arms and stroked his hair. He wasn't crying, but he was close enough to tears that they could start to fall at any minute.

 

"Duo, you have to stop thinking like this. It isn't good for you! If Heero caught you saying this-"

 

"I know. I know. He'd demand to know what was going on. It isn't even him, Tro. It's me. After Alex pulled that act on me all I can think about is it happening again. Heero makes me forget it most of the time, but lately..." Duo sighed. "I just keep seeing it happening again and for some reason I can't make the Heero in my dreams come to my rescue.

 

"In my dreams he just stands there and watches, other times he walks away as if nothing bad was happening and it hurts. But, do you know what the worst thing is?" Trowa shook his head. "The worst one is when Heero isn't even Heero. He starts out being Heero and seduces me until I can't move, then he turns into Alex! That is the worst thing that I have ever dreamed, but ever since those creeps did it to me again, I haven't been able to, to get hard. No perverted thoughts pop out at the most random times. It's almost like I'm a whole new person and it scares me."

 

"Have you ever thought about talking to a doctor about it?"

 

"No. What good what it do for me to have a doc examine my head to only tell me I'm fucked up beyond repair? I think I'm better off just letting Heero take the lead for now and if all goes to shit, you'll see me bright and early on your doorstep." Duo tried to grin the last part, but Trowa wasn't laughing.

 

"You're always welcome with us, but don't you think Heero ought to hear this little speech you're giving me?"

 

"Maybe when he actually gets here. I don't know Tro. Our relationship isn't based on sex I know that, but I still miss it since I couldn't do anything about it for the past few weeks. I just wish Heero would make love to me again soon. Sometimes I think it's the one thing that I'm afraid of since it brings all the chaos I create in this world, but Heero is the only one who chases away that fear." He smiled gently and I slowly slipped away. I started my car and fixed the clock so it read 4:59 instead of well passed 5:00 and drove down the road to make it look like I was coming off the highway.

 

Duo noticed me right away and pulled instantly away from Trowa. He didn't seem to mind and was rather amused by it as well. Duo stood up and waved me over to him. I smiled as I drove right in front of him and leaned out the window to give him a kiss. He responded back then glared at me.

 

"You're late."

 

"No, I'm not. It's only 4:59."

 

"What? It can't be!"

 

"Sure it can, because it is." Duo leaned forward and looked at the clock.

 

"Well, I'll be..." He scratched the back of his neck and blushed. "Heh, I guess my watch is faster than I thought."

 

"Unless, my clock is just slow?" I suggested. I felt bad lying to him but I needed to figure out the best way to convince Duo my intentions to keep him were clear. "Move away for a minute." Duo stepped to the side and I opened my door, caught his arm and tugged him over and into my lap.

 

"Whoa Heero! What are you-"

 

"Hush Love. A dinner and the movies a wait us." I yanked the door closed and wrapped my left arm around Duo so he would be secure and handled the steering wheel with my right one. The drive to the diner was short, but I knew the ladies missed him dearly. They all fussed over him and chatted while I ordered for the both of us. Carol waited on us again and told Duo how boring it was without him popping in at odd times lately. He laughed and smiled for him, but I could see the stress lines around his eyes that told me he wanted to get away from them and just talk to me.

 

Our dinner arrived soon enough and we both ate our fill. Duo ate more than he had previously and managed to finish his entire plate, to the point of swiping up the gravy with his fingers and sucking them dry. I stared at the open display as my mouth watered at the sight.

 

"What's a matter Hee-chan? Having a bit of trouble?" He smirked, knowing my 'problem.'

 

"You're always trouble, Beloved." I took his hand and kissed it tenderly while staring into his violet orbs. A light blush covered those cheeks in a matter of seconds and I smirked as I caused him to have a few problems of his own, or so I hoped.

 

Instead of letting him go, I scooted out of our booth and tugged him out with me. I had come prepared and threw the bill and tip on the table in a heap then pulled Duo out the door. My car was waiting along the side of the diner away from the windows and I decided to take advantage of it now.

 

I pulled Duo to me in order to turn him around quickly and press him against the car. He was startled at the feel of cold metal behind him, but as soon as I caught his lips with mine, his eyelids closed and he moaned my welcome onslaught.

 

The beef tips and gravy he ate still lingered there, but I could taste him underneath all the added flavors. I pressed my thigh against him and was a bit shocked when I found he was flaccid. He felt the pressure of my thigh and broke away from our kiss.

 

"I'm sorry." He gasped out and put his face in his hands. "I can't help it. I haven't been... I can't- I'm sorry Heero. I want you, I really do but I'm-" I pulled his hands away and kissed him some more. Duo responded to all of them but I could tell he was holding back. Like he was afraid of letting go.

 

"It's just me, Duo. That doesn't matter. You've just gone through so much in such a short time that it'll take time to feel safe again. We can go home if you want, but I bet you're sick of just being there."

 

"Yeah." He sighed. "If it's okay with you can we still go to the movies?"

 

"Of course it, love. Anything for you." I let him get in on his own side this time. He seemed to need the space and I let him have it. Duo picked out the movie he wanted to see when we arrived and I paid for it saying he wasn't working too much yet and it was my treat.

 

We climbed up to the back of the movie theater and I moved the drink holder so I could be closer to him. He loved it and leaned against me as the movie started. Advertisements rolled through and Duo pointed out some of the movies he would like to see when they came out. I promised him we would go to them and played with his braid as the movie started.

 

Romantic movies are not my favorite, but Duo seemed to want to be reminded of a fairytale and I didn't deny him it. Denying what he wanted so badly and yet even though he was with me he was still frightened of it. I felt him shiver a bit and looked down at him then back at the screen. The concubine was laying across her master's lap awaiting to be punished for a man had taken her and she was said to be stained now.

 

Duo was feeling the same way. The master wiped her tears away and pulled her to him in an embrace. He forgave her because it wasn't her fault and he sent the man that raped her to the guard and he beheaded him. I felt Duo hold onto me tighter through every scene that followed. He just watched everything play out as I caressed his hair.

 

All the scenes could be related to us and our relationship, except for one.

 

The rapist's brother came to kill the king for murdering his brother, but before he could slay him, the woman threw herself in front of the king as was killed. He avenged her after a bloody sword fight and went back to the love of his life. The last words she uttered, were she was glad to serve him and give him her heart. He responded in kind saying he would keep her heart safe as she know had his and it only belonged to her. (2)

 

The movie ended on that note and I felt a sigh leave Duo. People were filing out of the theater but he refused to move. He just stayed still and watched the credits roll to the end. The lights came back on and the clean up crew entered. Duo shifted in my arms and looked up at my face.

 

"Did you like it?" He whispered to me softly.

 

"I did, but it was very sad. I'm glad you aren't crying though." I whispered back just as softly.

 

"I think I've cried enough today. Do you want to go home?"

 

"I am home. My home is you." He stared at my for a moment before a smile blossomed on his face. I smiled back at him and caressed his face. "Anywhere you are is home to me, no matter where we are, my heart is yours."

 

"My heart is yours too." We sat there a bit longer, as the clean-up crew worked around yes. My words had stung through all the pain and misery Duo had been feeling lately, but was only a small dent in what I had to build up in him again.

 

My home was Duo and I had to show him, his was truly with me.

 

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

 

TBC...

 

A/N: Holy CRAP! I haven't updated in ages. Well I hope this long chapter is to your liking even if Duo had to be really really angsty. Heero will stick by him and does have his work cut out from him. And as a second note, it takes months to years for rape victims to trust anyone again, so Duo is being characterized as such. I know what I'm talking about peoples, so please don't assume Duo will be bright and cheery any time soon, because that isn't the way it works. There will be some time jumps in the next chapters and I will make note of it you can be sure. College life is chaos as is my job, so expect my updates to be random is all I can say for right now.

 

(1) This dessert comes from the restaurant I work at and it certainly is very tasty. Think of dark chocolate that is super creamy and soft enough to be cake but just pure chocolate. That's the only way I know how to describe it.

 

(2) This is not taken from any movie I know, since I don't expect the boys to be watching anything we do. So I know it, but it's pretty general in nature. *[shrug]*

 

Thanks to everyone who reviewed and being patient with me! Please send me at least 8 reviews and I'll try to write more soon, but I can't promise anything.

 

*Huggles* Good luck to everyone in anything you're doing right now, because I'm sure everyone needs it!