Hunter X Hunter Fan Fiction ❯ Homecoming ❯ Chapter 6

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Illumi curses himself for the thousandth time that day. He let himself get carried away by lust and Killua has turned him down, pushing and leaving him behind. K'so, k'so, k'so. Have he been more careful maybe Killua's reaction wouldn't be as violent, Killua is new to this kind of relationship after all.

And now Killua won't want to meet him anymore. The silver haired boy has locked himself in his room for hours now. Not even their mother's threats can bring him out.

Illumi knows it is his responsibility to do something, preferably apologize to Killua, and makes him get out of the chamber to at least eat. He'll help Milluki with his hacking if the younger man wants to watch their training so that Killua feels save enough to meet him personally again. Anything as long as he can see Killua.

He walks quietly down the hall to Killua's room. Now is the perfect moment. Kkkyou has finally decided to leave her son alone with his misery, Milluki is in his own room with his computer as always, Mahha is... somewhere not in front of Killua's door so he can slip into the boy's room for a little talk. If the younger boy let him in.

Illumi stands right in front of the door, looking at the wooden piece as if it can give a clue of what to say and what to do to make Killua forgive him. After a full ten minutes, he realizes that the thing will not speak even if he use Ren to threat it, so he takes a deep breath, ready to announce his presence to Killua when the door in front of his face swings open and reveals the face he misses so much.

Killua looks even paler than usual, his body trembles slightly, and his cheeks are tears stained. No matter how much Illumi tries to stay nonchalant, he can't help but worrying over his brother. Brotherly instinct kicks back into gear and he reaches out to wipes tears that still pour down from the slightly puffy eyes.

Illumi's heart wrenches when Killua jerks his head back from the touch. "What do you want?" Killua asks with tears roughened voice. "What are you doing standing here in front of my door?"

"May I come in?" Illumi finds himself says.

The boy's eyes widens for a fraction of seconds before Killua regains his composure. "What do you want?" There is a clear fear radiating from Killua's body. His hand on the doorframe shakes violently.

"I wish to speak to you. "Illumi says carefully. One wrong words and Killua won't give him second chance. "In your room, if you don't mind."

"My room?" Killua echoes fearfully.

"I promise I will not hurt you." Illumi says assuring "I just want to speak to you. I don't think you want to talk here."

Time seems to freeze when Killua considers his plea. His heart leaps in joy when Killua moves to give him the way.

Killua closes the door behind him and then moves away from him to the far side of the room opposites from Illumi. Illumi sighs lightly when he sees that Killua tries to stay a far as possible from him. It seems like the younger man doesn't trust him much.

"Well?" Killua says after Illumi hadn't made any indication to start talking. "Just get this done and over with.'

"About what happen earlier in our training." Illumi finally says, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Killua's stance stiffens slightly at the words. Illumi can tell from the way Killua casts his gaze towards the floor that it is the topic the silver haired boy wants to talk about the least. Killua looks like a lost boy just then and Illumi has to restrain himself from reaching out and hugging him. Not now, he kept telling himself. Not just yet.

And then Killua sobs.

Illumi looses the resolution not to come closer to his brother when he hears he sobs. He makes a few quick strides and reaches for Killua. The boy avoids the touch and Illumi's hand stops mid air then drops to his side. He can only stare at the picture of a lost boy known as Killua. The younger man hugs his own shaking body as series of sobs wrecks his lithe profile. His eyes are downcasts as if he's ashamed of something.

"Killua..." Illumi calls softly.

"Those bastards... They.... " Illumi hears Killua mumbles "They... touched me...." the sobs are louder.

"Who?"

"Those bastards..."

Illumi can't control himself anymore. He reaches out and wraps his arms around Killua who quickly struggles to escape. "It's okay Killua. I'm not going to hurt you,” he whispers to silver hair beneath his lips. Hands between their bodies still tries to push him away, Illumi wraps his arms tighter resolutely. "It's okay Killua, it's okay. I promise I will not do anything to hurt you. I'll never do anything to hurt you."

Killua seems to be a little convinced by his words because he relaxes slightly in Illumi's arms and his hands stop pushing Illumi away. Illumi rocks the still quivering and sobbing boy until the cry subsides. He then gently guides the boy to the bed not so far beside them. The boy starts to struggle though, when Illumi pulls him to the bed with him. But after some encouragements and more promises not to hurt him, Killua snuggles in Illumi's arms though his body has stiffened even more and he shakes more violently.

Illumi caresses Killua in a soothing manner in order to make the boy relax. His touch, though, only makes the case worse every time he nears Killua's neck and chest. After a half hour Killua finally stops shaking but he still cries quietly on Illumi's chest.

"Who are they, Killua?" Illumi asks. He quickly regrets asking the question before Killua relaxed enough. Now the boy snuggles into a pile against Illumi's chest as if trying to hide himself. When Illumi thinks he's not going to answer the question, Killua's light, quivering voice speaks.

"...That man... eight years ago...."

Suddenly, everything makes sense for Illumi. Killua's reaction when he nuzzle his neck, Killua's fear to his touch, the reason behind Killua's act when he hold him. He curses himself again. No wonder Killua acts like this. If he weren't so stupid earlier, reminding Killua to that mission, Killua wouldn't be like this.

"...They... they touched.... my body... my skin... my..." Killua cries again, his hand clutches Illumi's shirt. "I'm so dirty... so dirty…. why didn't... why didn't you kill me?"

Illumi tightens his hold. "It's okay, Killua. "

"I'm so dirty... their.... hands.... that.... thing...."

At the very moment Illumi wishes he had the power to erase one's memory. Killua's still crying on his chest and it hurts to realize that the only thing he can do is to hug him and comfort him with sweet lies when all he wants to kiss the tears away and show how good it can be to be touched like that by another man.

But he can't. Killua's too fragile right now. If he loses control right now the result will be more severe than not being able to see Killua again, but also to loose Killua's trust, which as far as he concerns is never given to anyone.

Right now what Killua needs is someone to hug him and comfort him and Illumi is the only one around and the only one understands what the boy is going through. Upon realizing this, Illumi understand he should move slowly to have Killua, or at least to gain his trust. Killua is far too precious for him. He's willing to suffer more than he already did for eight years to make Killua happy.

After what seems like hours, Killua falls asleep in Illumi's arms. His breath warm against Illumi's damp chest and a small smile plays on Illumi's lips when he sees the peaceful look of the boy. Perhaps when he wakes up later he will be all frightened just like before or maybe he won't even remember any of the things Illumi did, but Illumi doesn't mind.

Slowly, Illumi lowers his head to kiss tears still running down Killua's cheeks. The boy stirs at the first touch but doesn't wake up. Unable to hold back the urge anymore, Illumi kisses Killua's slightly parted lips a chaste kiss. He can do much more, he knows, but he prefers the idea of kissing a fully awake Killua to a slumbered Killua. He can taste a little bit of Killua's taste though. He tastes like tears and a little spice that tastes like wind and rain. A taste he simply defines as Killua's taste.

He smiles against the boy's lips then quickly withdraws. After managing to escape from beneath Killua, he stands next to the bed, watching a breathing pile of a rather ruffled boy named Killua. Then as quickly and silently as his assassin's skill can get, he leaves the room quietly without taking a second glace at the bed and its occupant.

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A/N: What do you think? I try to imagine how Illumi would react in this situation and I honestly think he wouldn't do this. But, hey, the story demands it! Anyways, I hope you don't find this too out of character of them and continue to read ^_^; I desperately need review here! Please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!