Hunter X Hunter Fan Fiction ❯ Homecoming ❯ Chapter 7

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Disclaimer: NOT MINE!

Warning: Read the previous chapters!

A/N: Finally updated! I'm so very sorry for the delay. After I read review from Xycan I felt dreadfully guilty so I posted this chappie. Thx 4 d reviews everyone! And btw I'm currently writing the last 2 chapters but got a writer block T_T. So probably there will be slight delay but I'll make sure to write a note when the time come, `kay? And have anyone ever watched Moonchild? If you know the lyrics of the song Last Night by Leehom Wang, please email me. Okay on to d story!

Killua wakes up alone hours later with a start. He thinks he's going to wake up within Illumi's embrace and is a little surprised when he can't find the latter. A surge of fear suddenly washes over him. He can't understand why because he has been used to darkness since the day he's born, but this time he's very afraid to be alone in the dark.

His shaking hand finds telephone next to his bed and before he even realizes it, dials Illumi's number.

"Aniki," Killua says before Illumi even has the chance to answer "Aniki, where are you?" he knows his voice is shaky and sounds more fragile than he intends but he doesn't care.

"What happened? Are you okay?" Illumi's voice betrays a hint of worry.

"Yes. But can you come here? Please?"

Illumi falls silent on the other line. He seems to consider it for a while, but for Killua Illumi seems to leave the conversation. Somehow the idea of being alone makes him uneasy.

"A... aniki?" he calls, his voice more shaky than before. "Aniki? Are you there?"

"Yes." the response comes immediately, "I'll be right there." and he cuts the line.

Killua doesn't move from his previous position. With his right hand still holding the phone, he embraces himself and his legs are bent until his knees brush his forearms. He doesn't move at all until Illumi enters his room.

Illumi gently pries the phone from his brother's fingers and returns it to its previous place. He turns on bedside lamp, sits on the bed with his back leans on he headboard then pulls Killua into his embrace. The latter has his eyes close the whole time and his body is cold and stiff like corpse but after Illumi hugs him he seems to relax a little. He even leans his head on Illumi's chest, letting him smells his natural scent.

"You were gone...." Killua finally says. His voice is nothing but a mere whisper. "You left me... and I... I.... I'm scared...."

Illumi is stunt upon hearing the confession. He didn't think that... He thought that his presence on the boy's bed, hugging him would only make matter worse. He never thinks that.... that Killua will need him, want him close during the whole internal battle. But Killua called him, asked and pleaded for him to come to his room and accompany him....

"And it was... so dark... and I...."

This time Illumi really kisses Killua's tears away. The boy doesn't look reprimanded at all. He just looks at him with those sad eyes that look darker with fear and wider in anticipation, or is it shock? Which ever it is it doesn't matter for Illumi anymore. The only thing matter to him is how to make the boy in his arms returns to his old cheeky self. Illumi never thinks he will miss that childish side of Killua this much but in this situation he will even let Killua leaves him for his friends forever if Killua asks.

"...aniki?..." comes Killua's unsure voice.

"Killua." It's funny how the name comes out of his mouth; it sounds so distant and full of longing and sorrow. "I will never leave your side if you want me to. Just tell me, and I'll do It." he punctuates each and every words, wanting Killua to understand that he's serious about his words.

Killua just looks at him with those indigo eyes of his for several heartbeats. Just when Illumi thinks he'll refuse and or leave the question hanging, Killua answers.

"Don't leave me. Please don't leave me alone like that again."

Illumi must fight hard with the impulse to kiss those pink lips so he ends up kissing Killua's forehead instead.

Killua sobs against his throat. "I want you to be the last thing I see before I sleep. I want you to be the first one I see when I wake up. I want you to be there every time I need someone to turn to."

Those words are murmured in a throaty voice. Before the incident Illumi would have a boner if he heard them but right now he knows better than to ruin the trust Killua has given him slowly with such indecent behavior. Now instead of imagining obscene thoughts he rests his forehead on Killua's. Identical yet different pairs of eyes gaze at each other, Killua's are wider and livelier, giving hints of innocence while Illumi's have darker shade of indigo and cold, giving impression of cool and emotionless soul.

"Then I shall be." his expression is blank but there is a hint of amusement and relieve in his voice that makes Killua smiles slightly. Snuggling up against his eldest brother, Killua lets Illumi's heartbeat lulls him to sleep.

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And Illumi keeps his promises, all right. He hugs Killua to slumber land, gives warmth when the force of nightmare drains his body heat away, kisses the tears on his cheeks after his nightmare wakes him up, strokes his sweat damp body to sleep again, stays there until he wakes up the next morning.

Illumi never mentions it but he often stays awake long after Killua's asleep just to look at the latter's face. At those moments of silence he silently wishes it is him who makes the boy smiles in contentment and satisfaction and he imagines Killua's sweat when he has a nightmare are because of other reasons he wishes he can do. He wants to touch Killua in the way the men did, but gives Killua pleasure and satisfaction instead of pain and shame. And when Killua wakes up from his sleep he wishes the smile on his lips is a loving one and his eyes are filled by warmth, adoration and love....

But Killua never does that. His smile is that of a relieved and grateful one and his eyes though warm but aren't filled by love. He often finds himself waiting disappointedly for Killua who's in the bathroom. And when Killua finally comes out of the little chamber and looks at him with a confused look on his face, he extends his arms and let Killua walks shyly into his embrace. When they hug each other, he can pretend they are more than just... this. When Killua's in his arms he can forget their elders, the mission, the training and everything else but Killua until he must return to his own room to prepare himself for the next session.

For four days they've spent their training breaks just holding each other and talking. Although it takes all of his efforts to get the boy close to him but it pays off when Killua sagged his shoulder forward, a sign that he truly relax, and when he does the Illumi will rest his chin on top of Killua's head, his own way of showing how much he appreciates private gestures like that.

"Killua?"

"Mm?"

"About four days ago. Tell me." It is an order and not a plea. They both know that well.

Silence is the only answer he receives. Killua's body goes stiff under his touch and as much as he regrets the question, he doesn't have any choice but to ask it now. Their elder can come anytime this week and they won't be able to be together like this anymore. This is the best time to sort things up between them, whether Killua's ready or not.

"Killua," Illumi calls "Was it because of me?'

"No." Killua shakes his head slowly, 'It was no one's fault. I just... remembered."

"I reminded you, then?"

"Aa...." Killua mumbles.

"I'm so sorry...."

"S'okay. I.... When you... my neck.... It reminded me of... that man...."

"He did it to you?"

Killua nods. "… it was... they were going to... I don't know... but it was...."

"It's okay. You don't have to be ashamed...."

"But they... when they... did that... touched me... I...."

"Enjoyed it?"

".... Aa...." Killua nods. His head bows in sorrow. "I don't deserve living...."

"Killua!" Illumi gasps in response. He turns Killua's body to face him and searches for his eyes. "It is them who deserve to die, not you! And they had!”

Killua buries his face in Illumi's neck. Illumi feels wetness on his neck so he starts to stroke Killua's back lightly. The boy's quivering and with his arms clutches his sides; he looks more fragile than ever.

"Your body's response is not something you must be ashamed of.... I would've felt the same if I were you...."

"But I... when they...."

"It's only natural, Killua. It was supposed to feel good."

"I... but still... it wasn't my place to...."

"Did it feel good?"

Killua only snuggles closer in response.

"Killua, answer me!"

".... It did...."

"Then it's for good. It could be awful, but it didn't. Nothing had changed in you and there's nothing to regret."

Killua sobs in the hollow of his neck.

"I've promised you, remember? I will always be there for you no matter what. I will always love you." Illumi can't contain himself anymore. His love confession just slips past his mouth without giving him chance to consider the result.

K'so. He curses inwardly. Of all time for love confession why in the middle of an important thing like this! Hisoka is right. Killua's not naive. He knows about... things, more than a kid should. And he's not at all clueless about male-male relationship due to the incident. If he ever thinks of Illumi as a shotakon perverts then it's the end of his efforts in getting closer to the boy. K'so.

Killua looks at him with teary eyes in a mixture of... something and Illumi wonders if he must take back his words.

"Hon... honto ni?"

Illumi sighs in relief and leans in to kiss Killua's lips. He hasn't been rejected! he knows maybe Killua only thinks of it as brotherly love and though he means more than that, he's contended with the fact that Killua has at least heard his confession.

"Yes, Killua." he whispers. Their faces only millimeters apart and each letter brings their lips together in a gentle brush. "I will always do. No matter what, I won't care."

Then Killua kisses him.

It's just a light kiss on the cheek, but it means so much for him. All this time he's the one initiates all gestures of affection and Killua's initiative means the boy hasn't only given him his trust but also the key to his heart, giving him the chance to be a permanent part of it....

".... Thank you...."

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Good? Bad? R&R minna-san!!