InuYasha Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Urusei Yatsura Fan Fiction ❯ The Official Fanfiction University of Rumiko Takahashi! ❯ Classes, counseling, and the duck of romance ( Chapter 4 )

OFURT 4!!

Classes, Counseling Summons', and the Duck of Romance!

Bet you can't wait to see what happens next! You do, don't you?

Ryouga teaching Wilderness Orienteering... ^ ^; *whoa*

Happosai teaching Lingerie modeling... ^ ^; *cringe*

Kagome and Kikyo teaching Archery... together! ^ ^; *interesting...*

Cait flopped down onto her bed. Her first day had been totally exhausting.

Having Ryouga teach "Wilderness Orienteering" was a big mistake. He kept getting the whole class lost... on the tennis courts. He once had the class break up into search parties to look for him. They had found him behind a dumpster the first time he got lost. They found him under a trash can the second, a bench the third... so on and so on.

What was really interesting about Ryouga's Wilderness Orienteering class was that Robert (Most people called him Zeppo) had fallen into the spring of the drowned Hibiki martial artist. His uncanny resemblance to Ryouga got the class mixed up with them several times. The class on the whole, was much more happy with him, than with Ryouga's directionally challenged ways. At least Zeppo wasn't getting lost from the class he was supposed to be teaching.

Lunch was quite uneventful compared to class, excluding several attempts to tackle attractive staff members. Lum was the most pestered, almost every single male in the dining hall had attempted to make a move on her, or at least ask her out. She was very frustrated, and was about to attack them all, but Cherry hit her in the back of the head with another "No attacking students" notice, and took her away onto the cart to the emergency anger management session

"Archery" with Kikyo and Kagome was... interesting, to say the least. Most of the class took sides on which deserved Inuyasha more. Kisa and Pandachan got into a huge fight over that, eventually culminating in them both going to the emergency anger management class.

Cait wondered if they had done it on purpose to get out of "Lingerie modeling" with Happosai. It was very possible.

Kikyo and Kagome showed the students how to shoot on a target, and kept getting bulls eye after bulls eye. In fact, they had shot so many arrows to the direct center it looked like a wooden Christmas tree. The students had been definitely struggling though. One hit the side of his target, and another got a direct bulls eye. It wasn't on _his_ target, but that didn't matter.

The two teachers were trying very hard to appear to be on amicable terms, but it was hard not to notice Kikyo's repetitive "accidental" firing of arrows at Kagome, or Kagome's "accidental" firing at her. They smiled very nicely, and apologized very nicely, and did it again in a minute. And again. Eventually Kikyo got a shot on Kagome's arm, although it only got a bruise, she jumped onto her and they started a cat-fight, before Cherry reappeared carrying a counseling summons.

Now, Cait cringed, all the girls in their class were to go to room 216 for... Lingerie modeling... Everyone had tried at least one way to get out of it. There were fake medical notes with excuses, sudden broken bones, collapsing, one girl even tried to get out of it by getting a detention, but she still had to go. Several teachers were chuckling evilly about what detention was going to be, and Cait decided she didn't want to find out.

After a verrrrrry slow walk to the room, they opened the door, which had a banner saying "Welcome girls!" on it. Once they entered, Cait had a sudden urge to run away and hide under a rock which Ryouga was currently lost under. It was decorated with Hentai photos, girls in bikinis, and Victoria's secret posters. A very perverted old man, Happosai, was sitting in the middle of the room on top of a large pile of underwear.

"Come on in girls! It's time to start your lesson!" He grinned very wide.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!!!" Then entire class ran out.

"Come back in, or I'll have to give you detention!!" Their faces of disgust mingled with the horror of whatever the teachers were planning for detention. Cait was starting to get the impression they didn't like the students very much. She and the rest of the class reluctantly walked back in.

"Good, now take off your clothes, and put these on!" Happosai held up a pair of crotch-less panties.

*WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK*

Kisa was back, looking madder than ever. "I thought I smelled something perverted around here..."

A serene looking Akane and Sango were following her. Sango spoke placidly "Come on, now, Kisa, we were just getting to really understand how your emotions take control of you...come now, we must continue with the class..." Sango suddenly scowled at Happosai, who was still holding the underwear, and stomped on his head several times, before taking hold of Kisa by the pony tail, and dragged her down the hall to a happy looking door labeling "Anger management counseling."

Akane was standing by the door, twitching. She suddenly picked up a nearby table, and hurled it at Happosai, who was still clutching the panties. "Filthy perverted old man!!!" She stomped on him several more times, before collecting herself and calmly walking out the door to the Anger management counseling room.

The class watched her go, before taping up Happosai in a cardboard box, and throwing him out the window.

******

Cait had her schedule on the wall of her dorm. She noticed she had free time now (4:00-5:00) and dinner was after that. Checking her watch, which said 4:45, she started wondering where Pia was. Her question was answered when a certain rabid squirrel started clawing outside the door, demanding entrance. Cait opened it for her, and went to go get some hot water. When she returned, Pia the rabid squirrel was busy trying to tape up a big sign that said "Pia+Mousse 4ever," which was decorated with pictures of a duck and a rabid squirrel in one big red heart.

"What the..." Cait splashed the water onto Pia. "Pia+Mousse 4ever? What's the meaning of this?!" Pia grabbed a bathrobe and pulled it on.

"I'm just expressing my devotion to my one and only duck of romance!" Pia smiled sweetly at her picture of Mousse, while tacking up a life-size cut out of him in battle pose.

Cait was in shock. "'Duck of Romance?' Mousse? You like him?"

Pia stared at her accusingly. "I am infatuated with my semi-blind martial artist. Do you have a problem with that?"

"No..." Cait mentally cringed. Mousse.. was just... eww. She couldn't picture liking him, let alone tacking up giant poster of a "Mousse-duck of Romance" on her wall, which Pia was sighing over.

"My adorable, mistreated Mousse... can't you leave Shampoo and realize I'm the only one for you...." Pia looked adoringly into the poster's eyes.

"Hey, Pia" Cait suggested "If you like him so much, why don't you just tell him?" She immediately regretted saying that.

"Great ideaaaaaa!!" Pia jumped up from her poster, and ran to check her schedule. "I have him tomorrow! He teaches..." she narrowed her eyes. "Water sports? With Akane?"

Cait was starting to wonder who assigned these classes.

"Well, it doesn't matter if he's a duck, then he can't run away from me any longer......" She grinned evilly. Cait was beginning to get used to those.

"Don't tell me you were one of the students that tried to tackle someone yesterday..."

"Yup, and proud of it!"

Cait decided to go down to dinner, which was starting in several minutes. She hoped nothing would...

"RANMAAAAAAA!!!!!!"

Cait knew it was too much to ask.

"WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON THE GIRLS' SIDE OF THE DORM, YOU HENTAI!!"

"I swear, I wasn't doing anything, Akane!" Ranma was running away, just out of Akane's mallet's range.

"You don't belong on there! You're a guy, it doesn't matter if you happen to be a girl at the time! I leave you alone for five minutes and.....RRRGGGHH!!" Akane was yelling while running after the fleeing Ranma in quick pursuit.

"Aww, come on. Can't we talk this out peacefully?" He stopped running and smiled.

"Anger management counseling is rubbing off on you, Ranma!" She hit him on the head with her mallet. "Now, let's talk."

Ranma rubbed his head. "After you hit me you say that...." he sighed. "Well it wasn't my fault and you knew that."

"Yes it was, you were over on the girls' side. What were you doing over there?!"

"Well, I needed some hot water, but when I went into the guys side...." he blushed. "Everyone kept... I mean... they're GUYS, and I was a girl... in the guys room.... so..."

"Hentai! You DO need your own side of the dorm."

Cait quietly sneaked away, hoping she wouldn't be caught in their argument. Students who had been run over by Akane and Ranma's chase had their motionless bodies littering the corridor. If they got... never mind. Cherry had just arrived with another note taped to his head, to escort them to yet another Anger Management Counseling session.

At dinner most of the students were worn out from their first day at the University. Some unlucky ones had gotten Phys Ed with Inuyasha... they were looking pretty beat up. Noting his mood the other day, Cait guessed he wouldn't be very "nice" with the students. Then again, maybe anger management was rubbing off on him too. But, noting Kisa's, Akane's, Ranma's, and Sango's temperaments... maybe not.

Anger management counseling sure did have a lot of relapses.

At dinner, Cait sat at a table with several kids from her class. Pia was a squirrel once more, and kept clawing Shampoo's head. Shampoo was about to strangle her, but Cherry delivered her a note in the nick of time. She had to ask at least three times what "management" and "counseling" meant, but eventually got what it was.

Lum was trying to free herself of the multitude of boys trying to get a seat near her. She was repetitively asked to pass the salt, or the ketchup, or the napkins. One boy even went so far as to drop his fork near her, and asked her to please bend down and get it for him. Lum finally got the picture, and after kicking several of the boys in the face, received another invitation to Anger Management counseling.

John was sitting near Cait. He kept involuntarily doing silly poses and dramatic attack sequences, one which involved cracking the table in half with one pinky, while twirling around and jump-kicking the person next to him, who happened to be Kisa, in the mouth. Kisa was so mad she whacked him back several times. They got into a repetitive brawl which lasted several minutes. Kisa whacked Cherry when he appeared with their counseling summons, and received two instead of one. "Oh well..." she grumbled. "At least I have detention to look forward to."

After an hour of all this, the only people left at the staff table that were not in the emergency counseling session were Kasumi, Shippo, Cherry (Who had to deliver the notes), Soun, Kaede, and one or two others. About half the students were gone too. Cait wondered how they fit all those people in one room, and what went on in there...

*****

Sue the mediator: *smiles* Well, we seem to have some new faces today! How are you all feeling?

Inuyasha: Smashed. *glares at numerous people squished against him*

Akane: PO'd. *mallets Ranma*

Lum: Violated. *pounds Miroku's groping hands*

Kikyo: The need for vengeance. *frowns at Kagome*

Ataru: Like I....*spots cute blond* Hey there, sweetie! How about a date?

*****

Cait then decided she didn't want to know.

After dinner, the students had time to do their homework. Cait looked over her assignment book, seeing the only work she had (since Miroku hadn't been allowed to give them any, and Happosai's class had ended prematurely) was to be able to hit a target from 20 feet away, and to be able to find your way from your dorm to the front door in less than one hour. That was easy! Well, Cait thought, maybe she'd have to practice a bit with the arrow thing, but she had an entire week until her next archery class! Great, so what could she do with her extra time?

She shouldn't have even asked.

At that instant, a crash and scream were heard throughout the floor.

"The water main has broken! Run, ye Jusenkyo cursed!" Kaede was standing in the middle of the hall, shouting warnings. Since the majority of the students transformed into something with cold water, they hurried to the elevators and pressed the button. Since this was the fifth floor, out of six, the elevator took forever to get up here, and was usually full. Cait cursed whoever had designed a dorm for hundreds of students with only four elevators. And since two were on the boys' side, that means only two elevators for the girls. Several screeches were heard as the water began spraying in all directions, and transformed the multitude of Jusenkyo cursed students into whatever they were cursed as.

"What were ye thinking?!"

"I was only trying to drill a hole to the mens' bathroom... it's not like it's a big deal or anything, I mean, no one was hurt!!"

Cait notice Kaede was reprimanding a guilty looking student in a corner. She walked closer to get a better look. The girl had pink hair in one gigantic ponytail on top of her head. She looked only about 13, and was arguing with Kaede that trying to drill a tunnel to the mens' bathroom was a legitimate excuse for busting a water main on accident.

"Ye shall have Detention, child!"

"Whaaaat? But I've never gotten detention! I've got excellent grades and a perfect record! Why am I getting a detention? Sure, I tried to drill a tunnel through to the mens' bathroom, but so what? Guys are always bragging about who..." Kaede quickly cut her off.

"I feel sorry enough for ye, who shall be victim to a most grievous punishment some of my colleagues are scheming up, methinks you do not deserve further punishment by attending an emergency Anger Management Counseling meeting?"

"No thank you... I've heard the rumors about those...." The girl shivered.

"Then run along now... what is thy name?" Kaede asked.

"Dana Scully."

"Your real one please. I need to fill out your Detention slip."

"Cindy Crawford."

Kaede sighed. "I'm not that naive. Tell me your name!"

"All right, all right. It's Marshall Mathers."

"No it's not."

"Mary J. Blige."

"If you don't tell me, I"ll....."

***

10 minutes later

***

"My name is Alicia Keys! Honest!"

Kaede sighed. "Tell me your REAL name."

Gina shook her head. "I already told you, it's Alicia Keys!"

"Aha!" Kaede said triumphantly

"What?" Gina asked.

"Your name is Gina!"

"How could you tell?" Gina said, defeated at last.

"I read the text."

*flashback*

Kaede sighed. "Tell me your REAL name."

GINA shook her head. "I already told you, it's Alicia Keys!"

"Aha!" Kaede said triumphantly

*end flashback*

"GINA, now you will receive double detention for trying to trick a teacher." Kaede frowned at her. "And extra homework from my class. And you will stay after class in your free time to wipe the board. And sharpen pencils. And..."

Gina stared blankly as Kaede lengthened the list of extra tasks for her.

Cait winced, pitying the poor girl.

"Note to self- never try to trick a teacher."

*****

This was a long chapter! Thank god for snow days! I finished this February 18- only one day after completing #3! (Don't get used to it, I usually don't have this much time on my hands.) If you want to be in this, review and tell, or if you have any questions email me at kikyosama@fcc.net! I really like writing this fic, it's fun! :3

I have just realized a terrible, horrible thing! Before I tell you what it is, have any of you people ever heard of Akira? Akira. What do you know about it? Is it a anime series? A shojo manga? A movie? A hentai? Not many people these days know anything about it! My horrible realization is that hardly anybody on FF.net, or Mediaminer.org, or any other place know anything about it, let alone like it! There are only 40 Akira fics in all of Fanfiction.net, written by 10 authors!

Let me tell you this though: Akira is the best manga ever.

Why? Read it! (Start at book 1, it's quite hard to follow at first) Only if you're 14+ though, and if you think you're mature enough. It's got violence and language and not-so-nice stuff like that. After reading it a couple times you'll love it. Trust me. I have been around the block and know what other mangas there are and what they're like. I used to love Sailor Moon, it had a great plot, and then there was Dragon ball Z, which was pretty good, though complex, and of course Pokemon was nice, but not really great, and Tenchi Muyo was a good laugh, and Inuyasha is quite good, Ranma ½ is still my funniest, Lum is always crazy, Fushigi Yuugi is incredible, I recommend it to everyone, Utena is great too, Oh my Goddess is worth your time, and so are many others, but Akira is the best. You know why? It's more mature, like it's above all the silliness and the romances and the one-shot plots and the stupid conclusions. The plot and setting couldn't be better. The drawings and illustrations are the best I've ever seen. Ever. And for someone who's been reading manga and watching Anime for more than five years now, I"ve seen what's out there, and I'm just telling you if you're looking for a new favorite manga, look no further, Akira is it.

Enough with endorsements... wow I wrote a lot. Comments, you know where to send them!