InuYasha Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction / Urusei Yatsura Fan Fiction ❯ The Official Fanfiction University of Rumiko Takahashi! ❯ Kikyo bashers anonymous ( Chapter 9 )

Kikyo Bashers Anonymous

Yay! Let's have a special 20,000 words party! Ok, maybe not. But chapter ten, "What goes on in anger management" will be special! Look forward to it. Make sure that you tell me if you want to be in it. Name, gender, likes/dislikes, favorite pairings, etc. Giving an incredibly complicated background or personality is not what I'm looking for. :( Sorry.

*****

With the new dorm finished, life at the Official Fanfiction University was finally back to normal. If you could call it normal. The teachers were so incredibly mad at their promising lounge being destroyed so they had "surprise" exams the Monday the students returned to the ordinary schedule. Less than1% of the entire school passed one.

"Argh!" Cait flipped through the pages of her Archery exam. "How was I supposed to know what angle to shoot a long cherry wood arrow with two swallow's tail feathers on the end onto the roof of the school without getting detention? 180 was a good answer."

"Not on Kikyo's answer sheet." Pia remarked, glancing over her test corrections, to be turned in. "She put the answer as being 'You wouldn't shoot it at all, because I would suspend you for defacing school property and you would spend the rest of the trimester scrubbing dishes in the cafeteria after classes.' Man, I hate her!"

No sooner had the words left her mouth than a suction cupped-arrow hit her head with a POP! Kisa jumped up, looking for the poor, blamable soul who shot it. Kisa ran to the window, with the arrow still sticking up straight from her head, and reached out, pulling her arm back with a handful of green hair in it. "WHAT WAS THAT?" Pia practically screamed in the girl who she had pulled through's ears.

The green haired girl was visibly freaked out. "Let go!" She struggled, but Pia held her fast.

"Who are you, and what do you mean by almost killing me with an arrow?"

The girl stopped fidgeting. "My name's Joanne. Now let me down, or I'll call in reinforcements."

Pia dropped her on the ground. "What do you mean, reinforcements. Tell me, what're you doing!"

Joanne jumped to her feet quickly. "I have been employed by the priestess Kikyo and Cherry to gather all of the..." she rummaged through her pocket and pulled out a slip of paper. "It calls them "Kikyo bashers" here... well anyway, you have to be there tomorrow night for therapy...the instructions are on your arrow. Best of wishes!" With that, Joanne jumped out of the window onto what looked like a flying carpet with the letters "OFURT official transport rug" in red letters.

Kisa opened the letter attached to the arrow sticking out of her head. "Demon-forest field eight o' clock. Don't be late. Signed, Kikyo. Why should I go? I have better things to do with my time than go to some Kikyo seminar. I can't believe they expect me to go!" Kisa laughed haughtily.

*****

"I can't believe I'm actually here." Kisa complained, as the snarling large man with sunglasses and a suit put her down in the middle of the field. A bunch of other students, most girls, were also there. Apparently a few of them had tried to get away with not going, and numerous large men wearing sunglasses and a suit were making sure they didn't try to escape.

"I can't believe I promised to keep you company." Cait complained, trying to get a good look at the makeshift stage that had been set up in the middle of the field. There was a single microphone stand on it.

All the students that were gathered in the middle of the field watched intently as priestess/part-time Archery teacher Kikyo walked up to the mike. She tapped the speaker, and started reading from a list. "Before we begin, we must see that no one else is trying to get out of coming that has been invited. When I read your name--"

She got no further, as Kisa jumped on top of her, armed with a hand grenade. "DIE, YOU!" Kikyo stepped back a pace, and Kisa fell to the ground. Numerous girls from the audience leaped at her, and were deflected easily.

The priestess drew her bow threateningly as everyone got the picture that they couldn't 'bash' her as easily as they had anticipated. "I'm tired of this! Alright, random large man wearing a suit and sunglasses #6, get over here!" One of the random large men wearing a suit and sunglasses and a pin labeled "#6" came over and crossed his arms intimidating-like. "#6, you can take role, and make sure to buy time until the mediator gets here. You are authorized to use force if necessary." Kikyo walked down from the stage over towards the main building. "I smell F's coming your way if any of you try that again. This class is for settling down over-excited... I think the term is 'IY/KG?' Is that right? I think so. IY/KG fans that tend to get violent. Goodbye. I have better things to do with my time." The students stared after her as she left.

#6 sternly spoke into the microphone. "I will now take roll. If you are here, good. Take a step forward when your name is called. If you aren't, we will find you. Alright." He began to read names off of a list, each of which was followed by the person called standing up. "Kisa. Pia. Goldengirl. Nate. Eclipse Meagie." The list went on and on. Eventually everyone except Cait was standing in a line in front of the stage.

Another large man wearing a suit and sunglasses with a badge saying '#3' came up to Cait. "Were you called here?"

Cait was momentarily frozen in place by the sheer size and intimidation level of #3. (Of course, they all were like that) Then she answered shakily "N...no. I'm keeping my friend company.

#3 replied sharply in his gruff voice. "Sit on the bleachers or get lost. Don't interfere if you're going to hang around here."

Cait jogged over to the bleachers that were sitting about fifty feet away from the stage. She watched as the line of Kikyo-haters were seated on a long table. One of the large men wearing a suit and sunglasses was at the microphone. He spoke gruffly to them for several seconds. Then, one by one, each of the students seated at the table stood up and said something. Cait couldn't understand what they were saying from so far away, so she cupped her ear and inched the wooden bleachers she was sitting on several feet closer. She could just make out what it was...

"My name is Eclipse Meagie, and I'm a Kikyo-basher."

Cait glanced at her watch, bored to death. She was wishing that she had never agreed to accompany Pia after all. The meeting was so dull to watch, although it looked like it might be fun to participate in. So far, more than half of those in attendance had been put in time-out at least once, and the other half were trying to be good in order to dodge detention. The entire school had heard the rumors about Ranma and Akane's plans... but they were just rumors, right?

*****

Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome were both desperately trying to get Ranma to go into the door in front of them. Ranma was grabbing onto the doorway, desperately trying to get away from them and out of the room. Inside the room was a heart-shaped bed. Akane was tied down in order to keep her from escaping. "Ranma! Akane! Now you must make sure the Anything-goes martial arts school has an heir! Now, we went through the trouble to get you a nice room in a nearby love hotel, can't you appreciate it and--"

"AAH!" Ranma screamed, running off in one way, while Akane hopped out the window, still tied up.

Soun and Genma stared after their children, which were presently both fleeing away from each other. "And we were so close, too. Guess we'll save the second part of our MASTER PLOT OF AKANE-RANMA GETTING TOGETHER for detention. Maybe they'll have warmed up to it by then."

*****

The "Kikyo-bashers anonymous" was almost over after almost two hours. The most interesting part by far, in Cait's opinion, was when Urufuakki, Eclipse Meagie, Seera, and Yuriko had organized a protest group and were about to march up to Kikyo's bedroom waving torches and banners, until large men wearing sunglasses and a suit's, #4 and #7, stopped the angry group. Yuriko had gotten the most violent by far.

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN?! It is totally within my student rights to beat her revolting face with a large heavy object until it is indistinguishable beyond all recognition!" #8 had tied her to her chair, of which she was currently trying to hop away in, towards wherever the 'priestess of evil' was hiding.

Seera, who had marked herself as "alien" on the application form, had accidentally gotten 'invited' by saying "Spam it!" one too many times, thus getting on the nerves of various people, one of which being Joanne the messenger. Being the only person at the long table who didn't want to torture the archery teacher, she was also the only one who hadn't received from all of the large men wearing sunglasses and a suit #1-#9 to stop threatening to beat Kikyo's foul body within an inch of death and then cut off her eyelids and pour hot sauce in them. However, her "Spam it!"'s had gotten her several death threats. Otherwise, she was the only well-behaved person at the disturbed table.

Urufuakki had also been employed by Kikyo to keep order. Her job was to read calming questions to the indignant attendees. She made a good effort to be pleasant, although it was quite aggravating to act gentle and soothing when you were about to whack the person next to you with the fold-up chair you were sitting on.

Silussa had also been inducted into service by Kikyo.(She does that a lot.) However, Silussa's job, instead of a mediator like Urufuakki, was the supplier of suits and sunglasses. Unhappy with her dull job choosing which kind of sunglasses #1-#9 should wear, she almost quit, until she found out how much Cherry and Kikyo would pay her to stay on. (^_^ ) Even so, there was something unusual about the large men wearing suits and sunglasses #1-#9 that Cait couldn't put her finger on. Maybe it was the neon pink sunglasses. Nah.....

Cait looked up suddenly as she noticed the meeting was over. She ran over to Pia. "Can we go now?"

Pia looked very frazzled. Her eyes were wide and blood shot. Cait noticed that most of the other attendees looked similar. "Must... akk! Kikyo is... my friend....." Pia said dazedly, staring blankly up at the sky. "Look! There's a big hole in the moon! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.........."

Cait looked oddly at her, then sighed and began to lead her back to the dormitory. "Come on, let's get you back..."

*****

After Pia was back in a normal state of mind, Cait asked her what had happened.

"I couldn't really hear everything that was happening from over in the bleachers. Could you tell me what went on?"

Pia, who was still a little out of it, shook her head. "You don't want to know what they did to us after the gentle questions."

Several NC-17 rated thought popped up in Cait's mind.

"NO! Not like that!" Pia slapped Cait before she could audit some of what she had been thinking. "It wasn't like that. They pulled out this video projector and made us watch a film about "Kikyo is your friend" and when we didn't respond to positively with that, they made us watch "Kikyo doesn't want to hurt you" and after that they made us watch...." Pia listed several more 'happy' sounding films.

Cait shook her head. "Wow. Sounds harsh. Is it anything like Anger management counseling?"

Pia shook her head. "Actually, Anger management counseling is kind of fun. In a morbid kind of way."

Cait shook her head. "Really? Is that possible? I don't believe it."

Pia shook her head. "I'm serious. You should check it out."

Cait violently shook her head. "No... you're trying to trick me into getting myself into trouble!"

Pia sneakily shook her head. "Maybe... but you won't know until you go...."

Cait stopped shaking her head. "I'm not. Why don't you just go and tell me what happens!"

Pia stopped shaking her head. "You'll just have to wait until tomorrow. That's when the next counseling session is."

After some more head shaking, Cait felt tired and decided to go to bed early. Before she fell asleep one thought kept circling in her head.

"What goes on in anger management counseling?"

*****

#26: How did you like the chapter?

#25: We apologize, but the author couldn't pass up the opportunity with the large men etc. #1-#9 without including us!

#19: If you don't know from reading Akira, #25 is Kiyoko, #26 is Takashi, #27 is Masaru, #28 is Akira, #41 is Tetsuo, and #19 is Lady Miyako. Hey, that's me!

#27: I hope you are enjoying the story so far!

#41: Kaneda? What's he doing here?

#28: *shoves Tetsuo away* Sorry about that. It's instinct. He says that a lot.

#41: I am... Tetsuo!

#26: We know that. You've said it a million times.

#41: Ka...ne...da? What are you doing here?

#27: Stop it!

Kaneda: Hey guys!

#19: What are you doing here? This is only for people with cool number tattoos on their hands! *Shows hand*

Kaneda: I got one too, in LA! See? *Shows hand*

#19: A playboy bunny doesn't count.

Kaneda: *shudders violently* Tetsuo!

#41 (Tetsuo): Kaneda!

Both: Die!!!!

Both: *Dies*

#25, #26, #27, #28: AAH! BLOOD!

#19: We will see you next episode! Chapter ten- "What goes on in anger management"

**********

^_^ Sorry! I couldn't resist the whole large men etc. #1-#9 thing without including our favorite Akira characters, the child psychics, accompanied by #41. ^_^

Next chapter, if you didn't already hear this from #19 (Lady Miyako):

What goes on in Anger management

Hope to see you there!