InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction ❯ Tales of the Night ❯ Night LXXIV: Passion and Denial ( Chapter 13 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Kurai Mori 
There was no denying it any longer. She had fallen for him and it was unacceptable in his eyes.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Psychological / Hentai / Angst | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 11.16.2008 | Updated On: 06.03.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 1.5K | Status: Work In Progress
There was no denying it any longer. She had fallen for him and it was unacceptable in his eyes.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction / Yu Yu Hakusho Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Psychological / Hentai / Angst | Type: Crossover | Uploaded On: 11.16.2008 | Updated On: 06.03.2010 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.5K | Visits: 1.5K | Status: Work In Progress
Title: Night LXXIV: Passion and Denial
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Sengoku Otogizoushi - InuYasha or Yuu Yuu Hakusho. InuYasha belongs to Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan, Viz Media, ShoPro Entertainment, and Shounen; while Yuu Yuu Hakusho belongs to Togashi Yoshihiro, Shueisha, Viz Media, and Shounen. No profit or money of any kind is made from this fan-created crossover.
Warning(s): Fluff; Angst; Nonconsensual kissing.
However, she also knew that she was only getting away with all those extra touches and lingering looks because she was sick and still a bit feverish. She also had a feeling that he was using his higher body temperature to help break her fever faster, but it was a necessary sacrifice. And she could always get sick again, if the need ever arose. Though she did realize that those thoughts were entirely from the fever; she would never do something like that were her mind clear and healthy.
For now, though, she enjoyed every moment she spent with him. Not just because she could touch him, but also because she was managing to get him to speak more. They had had a few actual conversations about things other than training and her obvious humanity. He also stopped comparing her to other humans, and he no longer called her as such. Instead it was always "miko" or "woman". It did not bother her as much as it had with Inuyasha or Kouga. She had a feeling if Hiei ever called her by name that it would sound very odd. It would be akin to Sango calling Miroku by name. Perhaps that was the actual reason she did not mind, because it was something to remember her friends by. She did take it to mean that their relationship, whatever it might be at the moment, was heading in the right direction. Perhaps her wish for something more with the temperamental youkai had not been asking for too much.
For all intents and purposes, it seemed as though they had an actual friendship. All of her poking and prodding and olive branches that she had extended toward him were finally paying off. While she knew so many people would shake their head and call her crazy for getting excited over actually talking to him, she knew that they had no clue about the kind of person he was.
And it was not entirely in the words he spoke, but the small things. He was not using her name, yet he was also not calling her any degrading ones either. That was a huge step in a right direction with a youkai like Hiei. He found other ways to acknowledge her, such as actually talking and looking at her whenever she spoke.
It was so very endearing to her.
And she loved every moment of it.
"Hiei?" she asked.
He turned from looking out her bedroom window to look at her. She loved that somehow, over the past few months, she had manage to earn enough respect in his eyes for him to look at her so directly.
"I wonder... When you look out at the night sky, just what are you looking for?"
The briefest hint of confusion appeared on his face and the tilt of his head before he turned back to looking out the window. "What do you care? I hardly think you'd be able to comprehend the answer to your question."
Her smile was soft as she walked over to him. While his answer may have sounded cold, he did not use any direct insults which meant he was just trying to avoid the question. She had learned that about him after so much time; whenever he did not want to answer a question, he tried to rile her up into an argument. Yet she was not falling for it this time.
"I think I might... Whenever I look out at the sky, especially the night sky, it helps me feel closer to all my friends. While there might be five-hundred years separating me from them, I know they slept... are sleeping... under a sky that looks much the same. Though they do have more stars."
"You still miss them all, including the half-breed? You should stop dwelling in memories and live in your present before you become lost and go back to the mess of sniveling tears you were months ago."
She nodded her head and sighed. "I don't see why you have to always call Inuyasha a half-breed. It's not like he had any choice about his parents, that's why it's wrong for you to call him such things!"
"Choice doesn't matter. A half-breed should be called exactly what he is: a half-breed."
"You talk as if you have experience." She rolled her eyes, but dropped it. She did not know about his past nor did she want to. If he wanted to talk about it, then she would be willing to listen. "But it doesn't matter. It's demeaning! Though it is better than hanyou."
He did not answer this time, and there was nothing more they could say on the matter without it degenerating into a vapid argument. She exhaled heavily as she moved closer to the window and him. Hiei was a nice change from the youkai she was used to being around as he did not talk too much. While Inuyasha, Kouga and even Shippou could go on and on about anything and everything, Hiei kept his words and conversations brief and cutting and to the point. He was not one to waste or mince words.
She leaned against the windowsill, looking up at the glimpses of the night sky she could see through the branches of Goshinboku. "When you said earlier that I'll become lost if I linger in my memories too much... I have to disagree. If I tried to move on as if they didn't exist, then I would become lost. My time in that era with my friends is a part of my past and who I am. To move on and pretend like it didn't exist would cause me to lose part of myself and who I am.
"A person can only live in their present and plan for their future when they've accepted and embraced their past. I'm finally able to come to terms with the fact I may never get to live out another adventure or another moment back then, but I'm not going to wallow in my sorrow over it anymore either. I have you to thank for that!"
Kagome smiled brightly at Hiei, catching him off-guard with her sincerity. She truly believed her words. He had managed to find her and save her from herself during those first rough months. And it was as close to revealing how she really felt toward him she would get until he made the next move. To say more would leave her with a bleeding heart because she had no doubt his harsh words about her attachment to him would cut into it.
He turned away and made a noise of apparent agreement. "It seems you're right for once, and would understand the answer."
His response left her wondering. It seemed as if her earlier question had been answered, and she was not sure if he had answered. She had no idea as to what it was, but still she smiled. Though she wanted to ask, she did not want to ruin the moment they had together at that moment.
She looked at him from the corner of her eye and was, once again, struck by a familiar urge. It might be her last chance to make the move she wanted to and not have to worry about him killing her for daring to do so. She had learned fast that he had something against hurting human women while they were sick and out of their right mind. While she knew his senses were heightened, she hoped enough of her cold still lingered so she could blame the action she was about to take completely on it. If she did not have that excuse, there was no way she would have the courage to do what she was going to. Absolutely no way.
"Hiei," she whispered.
Just like always, he turned to look at her with those impossibly deep carmine eyes. While she did not know how he felt about her because the walls surrounding him were far too thick for her to slip in, she knew how she was beginning to feel for him. Perhaps in time, she would come to know how he felt for her or if he felt anything at all. Yet, at the moment, she knew she would never forgive herself if she did not try in making the first big step.
Swallowing back her fear and telling herself that there was no way he would hurt her, or do worse, for this, she placed her hand on his shoulder. She watched as his eyes glanced down at her hand before coming back up to her face.
"Saying someone's name does not give you-"
She did not let him finish his sentence as her lips covered his. She did not want to hear another one of his scathing comments, not when it would ruin all her resolve. As much as she was starting to cherish that side of him, she just wanted to feel his lips against hers.
He went shock-still underneath her hands and lips. It was hard for him to believe that she was willingly kissing him after spending so much time together. At the same time, he knew he could not be surprised. It was no secret to either of them how much she was falling for him. That was the only unacceptable thing about their "relationship" at this point. Yet he could not find it in himself to push her away and keep her at an arm's length. He loved the feeling of knowing someone cared about him in that way. It was the first time he had ever experienced that: having someone who cared because they wanted to, and with no ulterior motives. Unselfish feelings that she held in abundance were emotions he had no experience with, and that made him wary.
His teammates and so-called friends did not count. That was an entirely different feeling, one that was purely comradely. They counted on each other to watch their back and to come out of a fight alive. But this... What Kagome felt toward him was completely different. She cared just because. She looked for him because she was worried for him. She went out of her way to make him feel better about things because she wanted to.
He had done nothing in his life to deserve her or her affection, and that made him want it all the more.
But it was a want he would not indulge in. Not now, possibly not ever.
Hiei pushed her away from him and back onto her bed. Without looking at her, as he knew the sight of her laying on her back with her lips wet with saliva and her ridiculous blue pajamas mussed would be his undoing, he took up his normal spot on her windowsill. Even if he looked just at her face, he would see the hurt and rejection written all over it, and he could not deal with that look. Not after what she just did that sent him off-balance even more than the first time she had touched him did.
Kagome swallowed her tears he knew she wanted to cry and crawled into bed. He could tell that she knew she had pushed her luck too far and felt horrible about it. He had wanted that, but now he did not want it. Her voice was a whisper when she apologized and said goodnight to him.
He could ignore his own growing feelings, but there was no way she would ignore hers. The incident that took place only minutes ago proved that. Now he had one more thing to desire, the feeling of her lips, and he was sure that one would be the hardest to ignore. Damn insufferable woman just had to act on her wants.
Hiei wished he had just gone with his first plan and not come. But no, he could not bring himself to disappear from her life for two weeks without so much as a goodbye. She was making him far too soft. It was her fault he could no longer be himself and just leave. She made him become attached which put him in the situation he was now in.
That caused anger to fill him. How dare she work her inane eccentricities over him, rendering him unable to do away with her and the feelings he did not want to feel! He should just leave and never come back!
Yet he could not. Even as he held onto the latch of her half-opened window, he could not bring himself to leave and never look back. Who knew what sort of crazy things she would do in his absence in an attempt to find him. He looked back at her, taking in her sleeping form as much as he could.
Could he really go away for two weeks for the sake of his teammates, a realm he cared nothing for, and a tournament that promised all the death he could deal out, and leave her alone?
"Try to keep out of trouble for a couple of weeks," he told her almost-sleeping form before leaving. His friends did need him more than she did at the moment.
The only sign Kagome had in the morning that it had not been some twisted dream was her still open window.
Word count: 2326
Edited: 3 June 2010
Disclaimer: I claim no ownership of Sengoku Otogizoushi - InuYasha or Yuu Yuu Hakusho. InuYasha belongs to Takahashi Rumiko, Shogakukan, Viz Media, ShoPro Entertainment, and Shounen; while Yuu Yuu Hakusho belongs to Togashi Yoshihiro, Shueisha, Viz Media, and Shounen. No profit or money of any kind is made from this fan-created crossover.
Warning(s): Fluff; Angst; Nonconsensual kissing.
- - - - - - - -
As the days began to grow shorter and shorter and summer was close to ending, Kagome found her health returning faster than she would have liked. It had been months since she had last missed classes, and being sick allowed her to enjoy certain things that she could not before. Her new favorite thing to do while sick was to find reasons and ways to press up against Hiei to feel more of his hard body. To Kagome, he was like a drug. One that she could not get enough of and wanted so much more from.However, she also knew that she was only getting away with all those extra touches and lingering looks because she was sick and still a bit feverish. She also had a feeling that he was using his higher body temperature to help break her fever faster, but it was a necessary sacrifice. And she could always get sick again, if the need ever arose. Though she did realize that those thoughts were entirely from the fever; she would never do something like that were her mind clear and healthy.
For now, though, she enjoyed every moment she spent with him. Not just because she could touch him, but also because she was managing to get him to speak more. They had had a few actual conversations about things other than training and her obvious humanity. He also stopped comparing her to other humans, and he no longer called her as such. Instead it was always "miko" or "woman". It did not bother her as much as it had with Inuyasha or Kouga. She had a feeling if Hiei ever called her by name that it would sound very odd. It would be akin to Sango calling Miroku by name. Perhaps that was the actual reason she did not mind, because it was something to remember her friends by. She did take it to mean that their relationship, whatever it might be at the moment, was heading in the right direction. Perhaps her wish for something more with the temperamental youkai had not been asking for too much.
For all intents and purposes, it seemed as though they had an actual friendship. All of her poking and prodding and olive branches that she had extended toward him were finally paying off. While she knew so many people would shake their head and call her crazy for getting excited over actually talking to him, she knew that they had no clue about the kind of person he was.
And it was not entirely in the words he spoke, but the small things. He was not using her name, yet he was also not calling her any degrading ones either. That was a huge step in a right direction with a youkai like Hiei. He found other ways to acknowledge her, such as actually talking and looking at her whenever she spoke.
It was so very endearing to her.
And she loved every moment of it.
"Hiei?" she asked.
He turned from looking out her bedroom window to look at her. She loved that somehow, over the past few months, she had manage to earn enough respect in his eyes for him to look at her so directly.
"I wonder... When you look out at the night sky, just what are you looking for?"
The briefest hint of confusion appeared on his face and the tilt of his head before he turned back to looking out the window. "What do you care? I hardly think you'd be able to comprehend the answer to your question."
Her smile was soft as she walked over to him. While his answer may have sounded cold, he did not use any direct insults which meant he was just trying to avoid the question. She had learned that about him after so much time; whenever he did not want to answer a question, he tried to rile her up into an argument. Yet she was not falling for it this time.
"I think I might... Whenever I look out at the sky, especially the night sky, it helps me feel closer to all my friends. While there might be five-hundred years separating me from them, I know they slept... are sleeping... under a sky that looks much the same. Though they do have more stars."
"You still miss them all, including the half-breed? You should stop dwelling in memories and live in your present before you become lost and go back to the mess of sniveling tears you were months ago."
She nodded her head and sighed. "I don't see why you have to always call Inuyasha a half-breed. It's not like he had any choice about his parents, that's why it's wrong for you to call him such things!"
"Choice doesn't matter. A half-breed should be called exactly what he is: a half-breed."
"You talk as if you have experience." She rolled her eyes, but dropped it. She did not know about his past nor did she want to. If he wanted to talk about it, then she would be willing to listen. "But it doesn't matter. It's demeaning! Though it is better than hanyou."
He did not answer this time, and there was nothing more they could say on the matter without it degenerating into a vapid argument. She exhaled heavily as she moved closer to the window and him. Hiei was a nice change from the youkai she was used to being around as he did not talk too much. While Inuyasha, Kouga and even Shippou could go on and on about anything and everything, Hiei kept his words and conversations brief and cutting and to the point. He was not one to waste or mince words.
She leaned against the windowsill, looking up at the glimpses of the night sky she could see through the branches of Goshinboku. "When you said earlier that I'll become lost if I linger in my memories too much... I have to disagree. If I tried to move on as if they didn't exist, then I would become lost. My time in that era with my friends is a part of my past and who I am. To move on and pretend like it didn't exist would cause me to lose part of myself and who I am.
"A person can only live in their present and plan for their future when they've accepted and embraced their past. I'm finally able to come to terms with the fact I may never get to live out another adventure or another moment back then, but I'm not going to wallow in my sorrow over it anymore either. I have you to thank for that!"
Kagome smiled brightly at Hiei, catching him off-guard with her sincerity. She truly believed her words. He had managed to find her and save her from herself during those first rough months. And it was as close to revealing how she really felt toward him she would get until he made the next move. To say more would leave her with a bleeding heart because she had no doubt his harsh words about her attachment to him would cut into it.
He turned away and made a noise of apparent agreement. "It seems you're right for once, and would understand the answer."
His response left her wondering. It seemed as if her earlier question had been answered, and she was not sure if he had answered. She had no idea as to what it was, but still she smiled. Though she wanted to ask, she did not want to ruin the moment they had together at that moment.
She looked at him from the corner of her eye and was, once again, struck by a familiar urge. It might be her last chance to make the move she wanted to and not have to worry about him killing her for daring to do so. She had learned fast that he had something against hurting human women while they were sick and out of their right mind. While she knew his senses were heightened, she hoped enough of her cold still lingered so she could blame the action she was about to take completely on it. If she did not have that excuse, there was no way she would have the courage to do what she was going to. Absolutely no way.
"Hiei," she whispered.
Just like always, he turned to look at her with those impossibly deep carmine eyes. While she did not know how he felt about her because the walls surrounding him were far too thick for her to slip in, she knew how she was beginning to feel for him. Perhaps in time, she would come to know how he felt for her or if he felt anything at all. Yet, at the moment, she knew she would never forgive herself if she did not try in making the first big step.
Swallowing back her fear and telling herself that there was no way he would hurt her, or do worse, for this, she placed her hand on his shoulder. She watched as his eyes glanced down at her hand before coming back up to her face.
"Saying someone's name does not give you-"
She did not let him finish his sentence as her lips covered his. She did not want to hear another one of his scathing comments, not when it would ruin all her resolve. As much as she was starting to cherish that side of him, she just wanted to feel his lips against hers.
He went shock-still underneath her hands and lips. It was hard for him to believe that she was willingly kissing him after spending so much time together. At the same time, he knew he could not be surprised. It was no secret to either of them how much she was falling for him. That was the only unacceptable thing about their "relationship" at this point. Yet he could not find it in himself to push her away and keep her at an arm's length. He loved the feeling of knowing someone cared about him in that way. It was the first time he had ever experienced that: having someone who cared because they wanted to, and with no ulterior motives. Unselfish feelings that she held in abundance were emotions he had no experience with, and that made him wary.
His teammates and so-called friends did not count. That was an entirely different feeling, one that was purely comradely. They counted on each other to watch their back and to come out of a fight alive. But this... What Kagome felt toward him was completely different. She cared just because. She looked for him because she was worried for him. She went out of her way to make him feel better about things because she wanted to.
He had done nothing in his life to deserve her or her affection, and that made him want it all the more.
But it was a want he would not indulge in. Not now, possibly not ever.
Hiei pushed her away from him and back onto her bed. Without looking at her, as he knew the sight of her laying on her back with her lips wet with saliva and her ridiculous blue pajamas mussed would be his undoing, he took up his normal spot on her windowsill. Even if he looked just at her face, he would see the hurt and rejection written all over it, and he could not deal with that look. Not after what she just did that sent him off-balance even more than the first time she had touched him did.
Kagome swallowed her tears he knew she wanted to cry and crawled into bed. He could tell that she knew she had pushed her luck too far and felt horrible about it. He had wanted that, but now he did not want it. Her voice was a whisper when she apologized and said goodnight to him.
He could ignore his own growing feelings, but there was no way she would ignore hers. The incident that took place only minutes ago proved that. Now he had one more thing to desire, the feeling of her lips, and he was sure that one would be the hardest to ignore. Damn insufferable woman just had to act on her wants.
Hiei wished he had just gone with his first plan and not come. But no, he could not bring himself to disappear from her life for two weeks without so much as a goodbye. She was making him far too soft. It was her fault he could no longer be himself and just leave. She made him become attached which put him in the situation he was now in.
That caused anger to fill him. How dare she work her inane eccentricities over him, rendering him unable to do away with her and the feelings he did not want to feel! He should just leave and never come back!
Yet he could not. Even as he held onto the latch of her half-opened window, he could not bring himself to leave and never look back. Who knew what sort of crazy things she would do in his absence in an attempt to find him. He looked back at her, taking in her sleeping form as much as he could.
Could he really go away for two weeks for the sake of his teammates, a realm he cared nothing for, and a tournament that promised all the death he could deal out, and leave her alone?
"Try to keep out of trouble for a couple of weeks," he told her almost-sleeping form before leaving. His friends did need him more than she did at the moment.
The only sign Kagome had in the morning that it had not been some twisted dream was her still open window.
- - - - - - - -
A version of this chapter was posted to the livejournal community 30_Nights for their theme #024. My heart is bleeding for you.Word count: 2326
Edited: 3 June 2010