InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A First Time For Everything ❯ "Mad" ( Chapter 13 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: MIztikal_Dragon 
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 06.14.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.4K | Visits: 359 | Status: Work In Progress
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 06.14.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 3.4K | Visits: 359 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I sadly don't own anything. Not even my sanity.
Today was actually a very good day for me. There was nothing wrong with it, which is why I was definitely surprised when this kind of story hit me. I think it's a subtle hint? lol Well Thank you to all the people who reviewed previous chapters!
Warnings: OOCNESS. I have to say that I think that this is the most out-of-character thing I have written in forever and a day, but it would not let me be. This was thought up and written in under 5 hours (two of which were while I was at work lol)
A First Time For Everything
“Mad” -- Ne-yo
By Miztikal-Dragon
It had been one of those days again, you know, the ones that make you wonder what in the hell of all the shit you went through was worth it and he could say that for those days it was all he had to comfort him. He went to work, like he always did, dealt with people who cried, who screamed, and on occasion threw things, though never at him directly. Grant it, the rude--the childish client’s weren’t the ones that made things remotely difficult.
He could deal with the snobby, with the angry and the greedy; however, it was the ones that had no idea what they were doing that drove him through walls or to the edge of sanity and back. Albeit, most of those needy clients, who honestly needed him weren’t always as bad as he felt they were. He just couldn’t understand how people could possibly be so stupid. It wasn’t like it was their fault that their parent(s) could not, or simply would not prepare them for the real world; nevertheless it was their fault for allowing themselves to be so ignorant of the error of their ways, especially with how elderly some of those clients were.
He guessed it all had something to do with natural selection, some folks were just cursed with stupidity, others made themselves as such and those who fell through the cracks into dissolution and despair were not his problem. In fact, most of the common folk he dealt with were not his problem, their coming to see him---his job was the act of last resort… They came to him when there was no one else to go to and as sad and pathetic as it was, his answer had been to a rare few was to either “step up” or end their miserable existence.
Maybe it was his attitude that had people cursing him, screaming and throwing the small knickknacks he kept on his desk for such an occasion, or maybe it was his need to an adrenaline rush as why he pushed people to their limits. After all, he didn’t really needthis job, he had other, better opportunities for his career choice. If he decided to go back to college for a few more years he could begin his residency at a local hospital as a doctor. If he took his bar exam he could begin to dip his fingers into the profession of justice, he could be an attorney. He was even certain that there would be hundreds--thousands of other higher paying employment opportunities he could pursue if the mood hit him to do such.
And if he ever decided to throw all of his prior education away and do the “hippie” thing, he could get hired on as a chief editor at any publishing or newspaper company he desired, or even choose a career as a writer, because he had potential (ignoring his belief that all writers were the sloth’s of the working class). If there was one profession he believed had no bearing, it was writers. They lived in a land of fantasy and make-believe, happy endings and bull-plop that made the people who read that particular garbage dumber with each word.
He didn’t have time to spend lounging around like some fat-cow reading a novel when he could be doing other, more productive things… Hell, he believed mowing the lawn (which was another thing he did not do, as it was below him) was more entertaining than the written trash people wrote.
Turning the steering wheel of his car to turn down the block where he lived, he could already see his driveway at the end of the long stretch of road. There was a car parked in his driveway, one he knew he did not pay for and he watched as two figures came together, became one in the darkness that the streetlights could not reach. Curious, he slowed his vehicle down to a snail’s pace, watching as someone climbed into the car and pulled out towards him. He didn’t have to narrow his eyes in concentration to know who the person---the male was in the car and his blood began to boil.
There was something wrong with him, he could feel it growing in his bones, in his muscles and this anger--this burning hatred filling him was becoming an uncontrollable monster. He couldn’t keep it buried deep within as it was pouring over the top of him, washing him in red and he pulled into his driveway, turned off his engine and slammed the door shut. He didn’t care about grabbing his briefcase, didn’t even remember it sitting there in the passenger seat, he wanted answers.
Normally by the time he reached his home the anger and irritation had dissipated, filed itself away for further review when the occupants of his home were fast asleep; however, lately it did not seem to want to go anywhere but out. Normally he was a quiet man, reserved and solitary and the few people who truly new him were closer to him than blood-relatives and yet at the moment all he could think about was how fed up he was about everything.
The front door opened in, his calculating eyes spying the cluttered floor, objects he couldn’t identify obstructing his vision with their fluorescent colors and odd shapes. There was screaming, he could hear it pounding in his head, crying--loud wails that would keep him from sleeping, from relaxing and his muscles tensed. The door closed behind him roughly, drowning out the cries for just a moment and no number of deep breaths could push the emotions bubbling up in his chest. He was going to explode.
“Sesshomaru!” Her long midnight hair was pulled back into a lose braid, a wailing child resting on her hip--it’s bright red face egging him on, a dishrag in her free hand as well as a coffee cup. “You’re home early tonight, did everything go okay at the office?”
Rin, the name of the woman in front of him smashed into his mind and he clenched his fists as the child if it had been possible, wailed louder, the small fat hands tugging at both Rin’s shirt and the long braid of hair. He could feel all of his control slipping, falling between his fingers like water and when an incessant tugging of his pants caught his attention he could feel himself snap.
“Daddy look what I did today!” The chocolate haired child wasn’t even hip high, its large smile tooth and dirty. He hated it at the moment, hated everything.
“Get that thing away from me.” He growled lowly in his chest, his amber eyes narrowing at the woman in front of him, this Rin.
Silence filled the room suddenly, the infant quieting down as if Rin had dropped the coffee mug in her hand. He heard her sudden intake of air, he could see the widening of her cerulean eyes, the shock, the hurt and the disappointment. Then the anger, oh how it burned in him, demanding to be set free and now the women in front of him displayed it and he wanted more.
“That thing is your daughter!” She snapped shrilly, her voice higher than he had ever remembered it being as she stalked over to him and picked up the child, hushing the girl as the three were swept out of the room.
It wasn’t enough, his mind raced frantically, wasn’t enough to quell the demon fighting him and his feet dragged him into the kitchen. There were several sets of dishes in the sink, the normal childish plates, cups, silverware and then the ones that only adults had any business using. It made him angry because he knew who had been in his house, been drinking his coffee, eating his food and talking (if not more) with his Rin and he gripped the sink as if it would bend to his will.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Her voice whispered harshly behind him, the children would be in their rooms.
“Why was he here?” He growled angrily, his teeth biting down on his cheek in an attempt to keep from lashing at her. “Why was he in my house?”
“Who Kohaku?” Her eyes were narrowed at him, her hands pressed tightly on her hips. She was sizing him up, standing up and adrenaline pulsed through him, she was challenging him with her body, with her eyes. “He was in the neighborhood and dropped by to see me and the girls.”
“Are you sleeping with him?” He took a step towards her and when she did not step down he felt his instincts accepting the challenge, she was refusing to back down.
“Are you fucking crazy?” She shrieked, “No! I am not sleeping with him, or anyone else for that matter! What has gotten into you? Are you on drugs?”
“Answer me!” He hollered, his voice bouncing off the walls and echoing in his ears.
He had never before raised his voice in such a matter and it hurt his throat a little, but he could feel the rage in his body ebbing, he had to get this out… had to get these feelings out of him or he would die.
“Stop this!” her voice was rising to match his and he couldn’t stop himself as he started screaming louder.
Everything, all of the bottled up emotions he thought had been harmless came spewing out of him. Things that he knew had never angered him, or even bothered him was like burning coal and he hated her for them. It was her fault why he was stuck in some dead end job he hated. It was her fault why he had a mortgage and a car payment, it was her fault why he couldn’t breathe and felt like he was suffocating. It was her fault and as he screamed and yelled, his entire body towering over her, all she stood still, no backing down.
“I gave up everything for you!” She yelled back pushing at his chest with her small hands, feeding the burning in his chest. “I gave up my entire fucking life for you Sesshomaru! My job--”
“You are a writer!” he snarled as she shoved him harder forcing him back and antagonizing him.
“Don’t you think for one moment that I asked for any of this!” She continued viciously. “Don’t you dare say you’re smothered! I didn’t fight you when you said you didn’t want to marry me! I didn’t fight you when you asked for your name to be kept off both of our daughter’s birth certificates! I haven’t asked you for anything Sesshomaru besides your love and I can’t believe your behavior.”
This time when her hands shoved him he growled, his large hands grabbing her shoulders roughly, tearing the sleeve of her shirt as slammed her back into the nearest wall. Her head smacked into the drywall, her blue eyes rolling into the back of her head as he repeated the movement twice, the clunking sounds ringing in his ears as she screamed.
“Shut up!” He roared, his chest heaving, his panting loud in his own ears as the Rin stared at him as if he had grown another head, or two. “Shut up!”
“Let go of me,” she wasn’t looking at him anymore, but her voice sounded just as deadly and he could feel his rage slipping out of his fingers tips as ice froze the blood in his veins. “Let me go now or so help me god Sesshomaru you’ll regret it.”
Drops of moisture darkened the fabric of Rin’s shirt and glancing down at himself, Sesshomaru removed his hands from her, his fingers trembling as he took a step back and then another. What was wrong with him?
“R-Rin?” His throat ached and he swallowed the lump in his throat as Rin’s body shook.
“Don’t!” she hissed grabbing the knife sitting on the countertop next to her. “You are not Sesshomaru.”
“Rin,” What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he stop himself? This wasn’t something he would do, never on earth would he have dreamed on laying a hand on Rin, but he had and there was no explaining his actions because when he tried his mind went blank.
“You are some demon that wears his face,” her body slid against the wall away from him, her clear blue eyes haunting him with emotions he never would have thought would be focused on him. “I want my Sesshomaru back and wherever you put him you better find him. Whatever it is that is wrong with you, you better fix it. I don’t want to leave you but I will not be some punching bag of yours. I will not let myself be a victim with whatever disease is in you.’
He couldn’t put the pieces together and he wanted to pull her to him, wrap his arms around her waist and apologize, but he couldn’t because it wasn’t in his nature to do so. He could already see the dark impressions of his fingers on her arms where the short sleeve of her shirt didn’t cover and shame filled him. He was a monster, a demon and he couldn’t figure out where it was hidden in him.
“You fix it Sesshomaru,” he told him as she touched the corner of the wall leading into the living room and the hallway, the large knife clutched tightly in her hand at her side. “Because if you don’t I will leave. I’ll take the girls and you won’t ever see them again. I’ll make it to where no matter what you do, they will not exist for you. I love you, but if you make me choose between our children’s safety and you, you will lose every time.”
He didn’t move as she grabbed the cordless phone with her free hand before fleeing the kitchen down the darkened hallway. He didn’t move as the screaming cries of their children slowly quieted down. Sesshomaru was stuck in place for a long moment and once he could gather enough bearings to move, he immediately followed after Rin.
The truth was that he didn’t know where to begin to fix whatever he had messed up. If it had been him in Rin’s position, there would be nothing to fix, he would be gone (or the offender dead), but he couldn’t afford to lose her. There was something seriously wrong with him as he stood in front of the closed bedroom door of his daughters, his ears listening to quiet sobs.
“Come on baby, let’s put your jacket on,” Rin’s voice was watery and he could tell that she had started crying harder.
“Did I do something wrong?” the six year old sniffled softly. “Does daddy hate us now?”
“Oh h-honey,” He heard a loud sob wrench from Rin’s throat and it nearly broke him. “No, no don’t ever think that for a moment. Daddy loves you, no matter what your daddy will always love you.”
“What about you?”
“I-I don’t know,” it was the honesty that frightened Sesshomaru, the hurt in her tone and he couldn’t stand there and listen to anymore.
He headed back into the kitchen, his mind racing with thoughts and none of them leaving him ending remotely well and all the energy fled him as he collapsed onto a dinning chair, his hands entwining themselves into his long silver hair and tugging violently. He was losing everything, everything that mattered and he did not think there was a way around it. Never in a million years did he think he was capable of his actions, never before did he think that his relationship with Rin could ever head down in this direction and it left him feeling helpless and empty.
The doorbell rang sometime later and silently Sesshomaru sat where he was, his eyes staring at the kitchen table, his breath coming out rather reluctantly. He didn’t want to continue on this way, he couldn’t--they couldn’t, it wasn’t fair to anyone, especially the one’s he hurt most.
He heard his half brother InuYasha as well as some other male enter his home, heard Rin talking in hushed tones as his entire family was taken away from him. He didn’t deserve them, he thought mentally hating himself. Sesshomaru didn’t look up as Rin came closer, the knife sliding into the sink as she neared his side. He didn’t have the courage to look at her, not after what he had done, he was disgusting and she should have left without another word. She should have disappeared from his life, because he did not know if he could fix anything, he couldn’t even fix himself apparently.
“I’m going to stay with InuYasha and Kagome for a few days,” she said softly, her small fingers touching the top of his head and running through his long hair almost lovingly. “I don’t like you right now Sesshomaru--” her voice broke and he forced his eyes to stay staring at the wooden table. “But I still love you. We’ll get through this somehow.”
When he didn’t answer, Rin sighed heavily withdrawing her fingers from his hair and leaving. He wanted to pull her back, hold her close and break down, but he couldn’t.
“Pathetic,” he heard InuYasha’s snarl from across the room and it was a few minutes later that he was completely alone. Alone with thoughts, all of his thoughts and though he knew he could not break in front of her, he tried to keep it together.
When the engine of InuYasha’s car faded from his ears Sesshomaru learned that he could cry and that it was one of the most painful things he could do.
E/N: Well I think it's safe to assume everyone knows what kind of family I grew up in! XD lol Some of the ending stuff got me all choked up. For such a cute song, I can't believe this monster came out of it! I'm working on a few things right now, so I'm hoping to have more up relatively soon (fingers crossed), but now I'm off to read some M/M bundle of wonderful-novels I bought. lol Please review!
Today was actually a very good day for me. There was nothing wrong with it, which is why I was definitely surprised when this kind of story hit me. I think it's a subtle hint? lol Well Thank you to all the people who reviewed previous chapters!
Warnings: OOCNESS. I have to say that I think that this is the most out-of-character thing I have written in forever and a day, but it would not let me be. This was thought up and written in under 5 hours (two of which were while I was at work lol)
A First Time For Everything
“Mad” -- Ne-yo
By Miztikal-Dragon
It had been one of those days again, you know, the ones that make you wonder what in the hell of all the shit you went through was worth it and he could say that for those days it was all he had to comfort him. He went to work, like he always did, dealt with people who cried, who screamed, and on occasion threw things, though never at him directly. Grant it, the rude--the childish client’s weren’t the ones that made things remotely difficult.
He could deal with the snobby, with the angry and the greedy; however, it was the ones that had no idea what they were doing that drove him through walls or to the edge of sanity and back. Albeit, most of those needy clients, who honestly needed him weren’t always as bad as he felt they were. He just couldn’t understand how people could possibly be so stupid. It wasn’t like it was their fault that their parent(s) could not, or simply would not prepare them for the real world; nevertheless it was their fault for allowing themselves to be so ignorant of the error of their ways, especially with how elderly some of those clients were.
He guessed it all had something to do with natural selection, some folks were just cursed with stupidity, others made themselves as such and those who fell through the cracks into dissolution and despair were not his problem. In fact, most of the common folk he dealt with were not his problem, their coming to see him---his job was the act of last resort… They came to him when there was no one else to go to and as sad and pathetic as it was, his answer had been to a rare few was to either “step up” or end their miserable existence.
Maybe it was his attitude that had people cursing him, screaming and throwing the small knickknacks he kept on his desk for such an occasion, or maybe it was his need to an adrenaline rush as why he pushed people to their limits. After all, he didn’t really needthis job, he had other, better opportunities for his career choice. If he decided to go back to college for a few more years he could begin his residency at a local hospital as a doctor. If he took his bar exam he could begin to dip his fingers into the profession of justice, he could be an attorney. He was even certain that there would be hundreds--thousands of other higher paying employment opportunities he could pursue if the mood hit him to do such.
And if he ever decided to throw all of his prior education away and do the “hippie” thing, he could get hired on as a chief editor at any publishing or newspaper company he desired, or even choose a career as a writer, because he had potential (ignoring his belief that all writers were the sloth’s of the working class). If there was one profession he believed had no bearing, it was writers. They lived in a land of fantasy and make-believe, happy endings and bull-plop that made the people who read that particular garbage dumber with each word.
He didn’t have time to spend lounging around like some fat-cow reading a novel when he could be doing other, more productive things… Hell, he believed mowing the lawn (which was another thing he did not do, as it was below him) was more entertaining than the written trash people wrote.
Turning the steering wheel of his car to turn down the block where he lived, he could already see his driveway at the end of the long stretch of road. There was a car parked in his driveway, one he knew he did not pay for and he watched as two figures came together, became one in the darkness that the streetlights could not reach. Curious, he slowed his vehicle down to a snail’s pace, watching as someone climbed into the car and pulled out towards him. He didn’t have to narrow his eyes in concentration to know who the person---the male was in the car and his blood began to boil.
There was something wrong with him, he could feel it growing in his bones, in his muscles and this anger--this burning hatred filling him was becoming an uncontrollable monster. He couldn’t keep it buried deep within as it was pouring over the top of him, washing him in red and he pulled into his driveway, turned off his engine and slammed the door shut. He didn’t care about grabbing his briefcase, didn’t even remember it sitting there in the passenger seat, he wanted answers.
Normally by the time he reached his home the anger and irritation had dissipated, filed itself away for further review when the occupants of his home were fast asleep; however, lately it did not seem to want to go anywhere but out. Normally he was a quiet man, reserved and solitary and the few people who truly new him were closer to him than blood-relatives and yet at the moment all he could think about was how fed up he was about everything.
The front door opened in, his calculating eyes spying the cluttered floor, objects he couldn’t identify obstructing his vision with their fluorescent colors and odd shapes. There was screaming, he could hear it pounding in his head, crying--loud wails that would keep him from sleeping, from relaxing and his muscles tensed. The door closed behind him roughly, drowning out the cries for just a moment and no number of deep breaths could push the emotions bubbling up in his chest. He was going to explode.
“Sesshomaru!” Her long midnight hair was pulled back into a lose braid, a wailing child resting on her hip--it’s bright red face egging him on, a dishrag in her free hand as well as a coffee cup. “You’re home early tonight, did everything go okay at the office?”
Rin, the name of the woman in front of him smashed into his mind and he clenched his fists as the child if it had been possible, wailed louder, the small fat hands tugging at both Rin’s shirt and the long braid of hair. He could feel all of his control slipping, falling between his fingers like water and when an incessant tugging of his pants caught his attention he could feel himself snap.
“Daddy look what I did today!” The chocolate haired child wasn’t even hip high, its large smile tooth and dirty. He hated it at the moment, hated everything.
“Get that thing away from me.” He growled lowly in his chest, his amber eyes narrowing at the woman in front of him, this Rin.
Silence filled the room suddenly, the infant quieting down as if Rin had dropped the coffee mug in her hand. He heard her sudden intake of air, he could see the widening of her cerulean eyes, the shock, the hurt and the disappointment. Then the anger, oh how it burned in him, demanding to be set free and now the women in front of him displayed it and he wanted more.
“That thing is your daughter!” She snapped shrilly, her voice higher than he had ever remembered it being as she stalked over to him and picked up the child, hushing the girl as the three were swept out of the room.
It wasn’t enough, his mind raced frantically, wasn’t enough to quell the demon fighting him and his feet dragged him into the kitchen. There were several sets of dishes in the sink, the normal childish plates, cups, silverware and then the ones that only adults had any business using. It made him angry because he knew who had been in his house, been drinking his coffee, eating his food and talking (if not more) with his Rin and he gripped the sink as if it would bend to his will.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Her voice whispered harshly behind him, the children would be in their rooms.
“Why was he here?” He growled angrily, his teeth biting down on his cheek in an attempt to keep from lashing at her. “Why was he in my house?”
“Who Kohaku?” Her eyes were narrowed at him, her hands pressed tightly on her hips. She was sizing him up, standing up and adrenaline pulsed through him, she was challenging him with her body, with her eyes. “He was in the neighborhood and dropped by to see me and the girls.”
“Are you sleeping with him?” He took a step towards her and when she did not step down he felt his instincts accepting the challenge, she was refusing to back down.
“Are you fucking crazy?” She shrieked, “No! I am not sleeping with him, or anyone else for that matter! What has gotten into you? Are you on drugs?”
“Answer me!” He hollered, his voice bouncing off the walls and echoing in his ears.
He had never before raised his voice in such a matter and it hurt his throat a little, but he could feel the rage in his body ebbing, he had to get this out… had to get these feelings out of him or he would die.
“Stop this!” her voice was rising to match his and he couldn’t stop himself as he started screaming louder.
Everything, all of the bottled up emotions he thought had been harmless came spewing out of him. Things that he knew had never angered him, or even bothered him was like burning coal and he hated her for them. It was her fault why he was stuck in some dead end job he hated. It was her fault why he had a mortgage and a car payment, it was her fault why he couldn’t breathe and felt like he was suffocating. It was her fault and as he screamed and yelled, his entire body towering over her, all she stood still, no backing down.
“I gave up everything for you!” She yelled back pushing at his chest with her small hands, feeding the burning in his chest. “I gave up my entire fucking life for you Sesshomaru! My job--”
“You are a writer!” he snarled as she shoved him harder forcing him back and antagonizing him.
“Don’t you think for one moment that I asked for any of this!” She continued viciously. “Don’t you dare say you’re smothered! I didn’t fight you when you said you didn’t want to marry me! I didn’t fight you when you asked for your name to be kept off both of our daughter’s birth certificates! I haven’t asked you for anything Sesshomaru besides your love and I can’t believe your behavior.”
This time when her hands shoved him he growled, his large hands grabbing her shoulders roughly, tearing the sleeve of her shirt as slammed her back into the nearest wall. Her head smacked into the drywall, her blue eyes rolling into the back of her head as he repeated the movement twice, the clunking sounds ringing in his ears as she screamed.
“Shut up!” He roared, his chest heaving, his panting loud in his own ears as the Rin stared at him as if he had grown another head, or two. “Shut up!”
“Let go of me,” she wasn’t looking at him anymore, but her voice sounded just as deadly and he could feel his rage slipping out of his fingers tips as ice froze the blood in his veins. “Let me go now or so help me god Sesshomaru you’ll regret it.”
Drops of moisture darkened the fabric of Rin’s shirt and glancing down at himself, Sesshomaru removed his hands from her, his fingers trembling as he took a step back and then another. What was wrong with him?
“R-Rin?” His throat ached and he swallowed the lump in his throat as Rin’s body shook.
“Don’t!” she hissed grabbing the knife sitting on the countertop next to her. “You are not Sesshomaru.”
“Rin,” What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he stop himself? This wasn’t something he would do, never on earth would he have dreamed on laying a hand on Rin, but he had and there was no explaining his actions because when he tried his mind went blank.
“You are some demon that wears his face,” her body slid against the wall away from him, her clear blue eyes haunting him with emotions he never would have thought would be focused on him. “I want my Sesshomaru back and wherever you put him you better find him. Whatever it is that is wrong with you, you better fix it. I don’t want to leave you but I will not be some punching bag of yours. I will not let myself be a victim with whatever disease is in you.’
He couldn’t put the pieces together and he wanted to pull her to him, wrap his arms around her waist and apologize, but he couldn’t because it wasn’t in his nature to do so. He could already see the dark impressions of his fingers on her arms where the short sleeve of her shirt didn’t cover and shame filled him. He was a monster, a demon and he couldn’t figure out where it was hidden in him.
“You fix it Sesshomaru,” he told him as she touched the corner of the wall leading into the living room and the hallway, the large knife clutched tightly in her hand at her side. “Because if you don’t I will leave. I’ll take the girls and you won’t ever see them again. I’ll make it to where no matter what you do, they will not exist for you. I love you, but if you make me choose between our children’s safety and you, you will lose every time.”
He didn’t move as she grabbed the cordless phone with her free hand before fleeing the kitchen down the darkened hallway. He didn’t move as the screaming cries of their children slowly quieted down. Sesshomaru was stuck in place for a long moment and once he could gather enough bearings to move, he immediately followed after Rin.
The truth was that he didn’t know where to begin to fix whatever he had messed up. If it had been him in Rin’s position, there would be nothing to fix, he would be gone (or the offender dead), but he couldn’t afford to lose her. There was something seriously wrong with him as he stood in front of the closed bedroom door of his daughters, his ears listening to quiet sobs.
“Come on baby, let’s put your jacket on,” Rin’s voice was watery and he could tell that she had started crying harder.
“Did I do something wrong?” the six year old sniffled softly. “Does daddy hate us now?”
“Oh h-honey,” He heard a loud sob wrench from Rin’s throat and it nearly broke him. “No, no don’t ever think that for a moment. Daddy loves you, no matter what your daddy will always love you.”
“What about you?”
“I-I don’t know,” it was the honesty that frightened Sesshomaru, the hurt in her tone and he couldn’t stand there and listen to anymore.
He headed back into the kitchen, his mind racing with thoughts and none of them leaving him ending remotely well and all the energy fled him as he collapsed onto a dinning chair, his hands entwining themselves into his long silver hair and tugging violently. He was losing everything, everything that mattered and he did not think there was a way around it. Never in a million years did he think he was capable of his actions, never before did he think that his relationship with Rin could ever head down in this direction and it left him feeling helpless and empty.
The doorbell rang sometime later and silently Sesshomaru sat where he was, his eyes staring at the kitchen table, his breath coming out rather reluctantly. He didn’t want to continue on this way, he couldn’t--they couldn’t, it wasn’t fair to anyone, especially the one’s he hurt most.
He heard his half brother InuYasha as well as some other male enter his home, heard Rin talking in hushed tones as his entire family was taken away from him. He didn’t deserve them, he thought mentally hating himself. Sesshomaru didn’t look up as Rin came closer, the knife sliding into the sink as she neared his side. He didn’t have the courage to look at her, not after what he had done, he was disgusting and she should have left without another word. She should have disappeared from his life, because he did not know if he could fix anything, he couldn’t even fix himself apparently.
“I’m going to stay with InuYasha and Kagome for a few days,” she said softly, her small fingers touching the top of his head and running through his long hair almost lovingly. “I don’t like you right now Sesshomaru--” her voice broke and he forced his eyes to stay staring at the wooden table. “But I still love you. We’ll get through this somehow.”
When he didn’t answer, Rin sighed heavily withdrawing her fingers from his hair and leaving. He wanted to pull her back, hold her close and break down, but he couldn’t.
“Pathetic,” he heard InuYasha’s snarl from across the room and it was a few minutes later that he was completely alone. Alone with thoughts, all of his thoughts and though he knew he could not break in front of her, he tried to keep it together.
When the engine of InuYasha’s car faded from his ears Sesshomaru learned that he could cry and that it was one of the most painful things he could do.
E/N: Well I think it's safe to assume everyone knows what kind of family I grew up in! XD lol Some of the ending stuff got me all choked up. For such a cute song, I can't believe this monster came out of it! I'm working on a few things right now, so I'm hoping to have more up relatively soon (fingers crossed), but now I'm off to read some M/M bundle of wonderful-novels I bought. lol Please review!