InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Heart Can Only Take So Much ❯ Enter Reality ( Chapter 1 )

Hi, I'm back you guys. I bet some of you were wondering what the last chapter was all about. Well hopefully this chapter will answer all of your questions.

 

WARNING: This chapter does contain spoilers for manga chapters 460+. If you have not read up to that point in the manga then should go to link I put in the prologue and take out the spaces.

 

Disclaimer: I do not, DO NOT own InuYasha and co. They belong to the wonderful, magnificent Rumiko Takashi. I am just borrowing them for a while.

 

Chapter One: Enter Reality

 

Kagome awoke with a start. She sat up, trying to take in her surroundings. They had camped for the night earlier and everyone was now asleep. InuYasha was perched in a tree that overlooked the entire campsite. Kagome continued to take in deep breaths as bits and pieces of her dream came back to her.

 

` Six months.' She mused. Six months had passed since Kikyo's death and she still had nightmares about that night. Just then Shippo snorted in his sleep. Kagome had forgotten about the kit she had come to care for as a son, curled in her lap. She carefully picked up the little fox youkai and placed him inside of her sleeping bag, tucking him in. He whined at the lost of her body heat and immediately moved to the warm spot she had made in the sleeping bag. She smiled at his actions before regaining her previous seriousness. She needed to collect her thoughts.

 

She had been having these nightmares on and off for the past four months, but none of them had scared her as much as the one she just had. It wasn't having to face InuYasha transformed that had scared her, oh no. It was the way he was looking at her, the way his eyes were filled with complete hatred, hatred for her.

 

When she had looked into those hate filled eyes that once held the vibrant amber that she adored, it had scared her. And the thought of having to ever see his eyes filled with that much emnity for her, chilled her down to her now complete soul. She soon felt the familiar pricking of forming tears in her eyes.

 

“ Oi wench, you alright?” called a voice from above. Kagome let out a short gasp, startled. She didn't know he was awake. He must have smelled her tears she reasoned. She slowly looked up to meet gazes with the owner of the voice. InuYsha's face held a softer version of his infamous scowl and his eyes shone with concern.

 

“ You were taking in your sleep.” He prompted. Kagome inwardly cringed

` How much did he hear?' Kagome suddenly recalled the image of InuYasha from her dream, his red and turquoise eyes shining with malice. She shuddered invouluntarily from the image and the budding tears in her eyes began to well, blurrin her vision. She quickly blinked back the threatning tear and when her vision cleared, she realized that she was still staring at Inuyasha. She quickly turned away, her cheeks becoming a light pink from embarrassment.

 

“ I-I'm f-fine.” She choked out, her voice failing her for some reason. She could feel his golden gaze on her, but she refused to meet his gaze.

 

There had been a drop in temperature since the night began and Kagome found herself wishing that she had worn more to bed than just a t-shirt and pajama shorts. She unconsiously rubbed her her arms with her hands to warm herself, an action that did not go unnoticed by InuYasha.

“ Hey, wench you cold?” InuYasha asked softly with a hint of gruffness. The sound of his voice sent a warm tingle down her her body.

 

“ N-no.” She lied, her teeth chattering. She brought her knees in closer to her body, in a poor attempt to warm herself. She soon heard a whooshing noise to her left and she glanced up to see InuYasha standing a few feet away. He walked over to her and sat on his heels.

 

“Kagome…” The tone of his voice grasped Kagome's attention and she slowly turned her head to meet his gaze, not prepared for what she saw. His normally golden eyes were now a deep amber and heavy lided, and his face was relaxed and serene. To her he looked like a god. Kagome's breath caught in her thoat as her heart started to race.

 

` Oh gods I could get lost in those eyes forever…wait… why is he looking at me like that ?' She wondered. ` It's almost as if he's looking right through me…oh!' She inwardly thought as she came to a realization. ` He's thinking about Kikyo again.' Kagome immediately darkened at the thought of the departed miko. InuYasha had not said anything else and still seemed to be in a trance. His face slowly started moving towards hers.

 

` Oh Kami, is he going to kiss me…?' Her heart was nearly pounding out of her chest. ` No, he's only thinking of Kikyo, she's the one he wants, not me' she reminded herself sadly. She turned away, but continued to look at him from the corner of her eye.

 

InuYasha finally snapped out of his daze, but Kagome didn't miss the brief look of disgust that marred his face before he clouded his features.

 

“Here.” He said curtly, facing away from her as he slipped off his haori before he dropped it on her shoulders.

 

“ Can't have you being cold.” He muttered as he began to walk back towards his tree. Kagome had not missed the hidden insinuation and deep inside she could feel months of repressed anger bubbling up to surface. Before she could stop herself she opened her mouth to speak.

 

“ Yeah, it would be a real shame if your shard detector went and got sick.” She spat bitterly. She held in her breath as she watched him pause and curl his fists. He then took in a deep breath and unclenched his fists before he jumped into the tree and folded his arms. Kagome slumped down.

 

` You idiot. You thought that he was going to kiss you, didn't you? Well don't flatter yourself Kagome, he was only thinking about his beloved Kikyo.' Kikyo. At the sound of her name Kagome felt a deep pain in side her heart.

The miko had been laid to rest more than six months ago, that night she had died in InuYasha's arms. And even though Kagome's missing portion of her soul was returned to her, her heart felt even more empty than before.

 

She had been given a opportunity to save her and she had failed. She had been the only one who could enter Mt Azuza snd retrieve the sacred arrows and bows that would have saved her. But they hadn't. Even though Kikyo's purity had been returned to her, the arrows themselves had not saved her. And because of that Kagome couldn't help but feel that perhaps a small part of her had not wanted to save Kikyo.

 

` He hates you because you killed Kikyo!' sneered a voice that had been haunting her for the pat few months.

 

“ No” She protested. “ I wanted to save her, I had to…”

 

` YOU KILLED HER!' echoed InuYasha's voice from her dream.

 

“ No.” she sniffed. Kagome gathered InuYasha's haori around her trembling form and crept back to he sleeping bag. InuYasha's scent, a spicy masculine scent, invaded her senses. Normally it was a scent that provided her comfort, but tonight it held the opposite effect. Her body tembled with silent sobs as she prepared for a night of restless sleep.

 

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<InuYasha's POV>

She was having another nightmare. He could hear her rapidly increasing heartbeat and sharp intakes of breath. Her face scrunched up as if she was in pain, marring her beautiful features, and she tossed around in her sleeping bag.

 

She had been having these nightmares for almost three months now. She didn't have them every night, but they occurred enough to the point where InuYasha was starting to get concerned.

 

He heard Kagome give a small whimper, and InuYasha wanted nothing more than to sweep her into his arms and hold her until the night came, but he couldn't.

 

“No, she wouldn't want to be held in her sleep by a filthy hanyou.” He muttered.

 

He learned a long time ago to hide his feelings for Kagome. During the time that he had come to spend with the miko, his feelings for her had grown with each passing day. But no matter how much he cared for her, he couldn't act on those feelings.

 

It had been six months since Kikyo died. When she died, he was devastated, but with a few months time he was able to come to terms with Kikyo's second death.

 

He now realized that when he had held her in his arms that night he knew that the love he held for her was nothing more than a reflection of a love that once was, that once could have been. Over fifty years ago he and Kikyo had bonded over a common loneliness, a need for acceptance and a need for love. And for a while they had found that in each other. So on that last night they had spent together before her passing, when she had told him that she had finally become an ordinary woman, he couldn't have asked anything more than to have Kikyo's soul be at peace.

 

Even though InuYasha was no longer bound to the duty of going to hell with Kikyo, he still was bound to another. When Kikyo died, he vowed to never let another person to become tainted with his misfortune, the stigma of a hanyou. His mother had died by the hands of her own family because she had birthed a demon's child and Kikyo was killed by the hands of Naraku and he vowed to never let that happen to Kagome, his Kagome.

 

He had never felt any way about a person as he did Kagome. He sighed. Just sound of her voice would send a warm tingle down his spine. He looked down at the sleeping girl below him. She was so beautiful, inside and out. She had the purest soul out of any one he had her met and always went out of her way to put others needs above her own. She was also the most stubborn person he had ever met. And him being the mule- headed baka he was, meant that the two would spar with each other from time to time.

 

He recalled how early in their quest for the Shikon no Kakera they would argue almost nonstop and would butt heads at every little insignificant thing. Actually they still fought but not as often. At first InuYasha found their spars petty and annoying, but as time went on he started to look forward to them, as found that they were now mentally stimulating, as well as stimulating in other …areas. He had started to notice little things when they argued; like how when she stuck out her full bottom lip when she pouted, it looked incredibly sexy. And how her stormy grey eyes would blaze with a fiery passion, (which would have him imagining other areas she could be passionate in). And how when she got really mad she would stomp her feet and a certain part of the female anatomy would move. InuYasha being only male couldn't help but notice these things. In fact, the sit command was somewhat of a blessing in disguise because by the time Kagome would use it to end the argument, he would be just about ready to whisk her away to some secluded area and have his way with her.

 

He couldn't remember when he had started feeling this way about Kagome. He recalled just waking up one day and realizing that what he felt for Kagome was something he had never felt before, not even with Kikyo. When he thought of Kikyo he felt a warm, nostalgic kind of feeling. When thought of Kagome however, his blood would heat up and a rush of emotion would course through his body. And the dreams he had of her… with the start of those dreams came the start of late night baths in the lake.

 

It was becoming harder and harder to hide his feelings for Kagome. Yeah of course he could settle for being his usual baka self and call her a clumsy bitch, but that could only go so far. When he realized that he loved this girl, yes loved this girl, it had also come with more worries and what ifs. His worse fear was that Naraku would use Kagome as way to get to him. In fact he would be scared if he used any of his friends, but if anything ever happened to Kagome, he wouldn't be able to go on. So he made a decision a long time ago to keep his feelings from her. No matter what it took. He couldn't let anything happen to Kagome because he let his feeling get in the way. If that ever happen he would never be able to forgive himself.

 

By the gods he loved her, but in turn she would never learn of his feelings for her. He knew she cared for him, but he couldn't allow her to become too close. His duty was too protect her, even if it meant protecting her from himself.

 

He was snapped out of his reverie when he heard a soft moaning coming from below him.

 

“ No…I-InuYassha please…don't…” moaned Kagome in her sleep. InuYasha's ears peaked to attention.

 

`She's dreaming about me?' He turned to look at her. Just then she rolled over, taking Shippo with her. The kit instinctively clung to her chest to keep from falling off. InuYasha briefly let his jealously take over, but once again turned his thoughts over to the sleeping girl.

 

She had called out his name in her sleep, what did that mean? Was she having nightmares about him? Was he the one causing her nightmares? He hated that last thought. He already caused her enough pain during the day, he hated to think that he caused her pain in her dreams too.

 

By now he could hear that Kagome's breathing pattern had changed; she was awake. He looked down just in time to see her take Shippo out of her lap and gently place him in her sleeping bag before tucking him in. A whisper of a smile appeared on InuYasha's face at the maternal display.

` Keh, she treats the kit as if he were her own child.' He mentally sighed with longing.

 

It had never ceased to amaze him how much love and care she showed for the young fox youkai. She had taken him in when he had lost his family to Hiten and Manten and since then she had showered him with her love. Her love held no judgment and she never thought of him differently because he was a youkai. To him she was a mother and to her he was a son. It was moments like these where he would feel a strange stirring in his heart that he only felt when he was around Kagome. When he saw Kagome with Shippo, he would sometimes hope that maybe one day when this was all over, she might stay with him and live with him. And then he would imagine them having children and Kagome loving them and him.

 

His greatest dream was not becoming full youkai, but instead was having family and a mate. Ever since he was young he longed for a family, for someone to love him as much as he loved them and a place to finally call home. But even then he knew that these things would probably never come to pass, not as long as he was a hanyou.

 

` But she'd be a great mother to your pups.' Came a thought unbidden, in a voice deeper than his own. InuYasha immediately searched his mind for that voice.

 

` Who said that?' he asked

 

` I did' the voice replied.

 

` Who are you?!' he demanded

 

`You.'

 

InuYasha was starting to get frustrated.

 

`What?!?!' he mentally screamed. The deep voice calmly continued.

` I am a part of you and have always been. I am the blood that runs through you veins and gives you your power.' InuYasha's eyes widened as he came to a realization.

 

` So your saying that you're my youkai side?'

 

`Precisely.' InuYasha's frown deepened as he came to another more shocking realization.

 

` Why don't you sound like a blood-thirsty killer?' Another more disturbing

thought crossed his mind.

 

`And why do you sound like that bastard brother of mine?!' His youkai side chuckled.

 

` Ah you see, I am not in fact a blood thirsty killer, but since you are hanyou I can only exist in your mind.'

 

` What the hell do you mean by that?!'

 

` Because you are a hanyou, your body cannot fully capacitate your youkai blood, meaning every time you transform, only your youkai instincts come to surface.' His youkai side explained. InuYasha just sat back taking all of this in. Only, one thing just didn't sit right with him.

 

` Uh huh. So if you've been in my head all of this time, why did you fucking decide to show up now?!' His youkai side chuckled again.

 

` Oh, I've have just been observing you up until now and I must say, you are a fool.

 

` What?!'

 

InuYasha was really starting to get ticked off. If what the voice in his head was saying was true, then he had just got insulted by himself. And the fact that he sounded like his brother Sesshomaru, pissed him off even more. His youkai side continued.

 

` I mean, you keep on denying what's right in front of you . You and I both know that Kagome wants you…I mean us. But you're too stubborn acknowledge that fact! Or just stupid.

 

`Why-!'

 

` I mean, just look at how she looks at you! And don't you deny that you want her either…'

 

`You-!'

 

` I've noticed how you always walk behind her when it's really windy out just so you can get a nice little peak underneath her skirt. Even though I must admit, she does have a nice ass-`

 

`Fucking-!'

 

`Oh yes you cant forget about all off the times you've peeped on her in the hot springs, can't forget about that now, can we? Oh wait…what's that smell? Could it be… yes! She's about to go into heat!'

 

` BASTARD!!!' InuYasha finally roared.

 

There was a brief pause before his youkai side continued.

 

` You do realize you just called yourself a bastard right?

 

` No! I mean yes! I mean…arrgh! Dammit, you're confusing me!!!' InuYasha mentally sputtered. Just then a faint salty scent wafted up to his sensitive nose, a scent he knew all too well; Kagome's tears.

 

` Look as much as I enjoyed this conversation with …myself,' InuYasha said sarcastically. ` Kagome's crying and I need to find out what's wrong with her.'

 

` Of course, comfort your bitch.' His youkai replied with traces of mirth.

 

InuYasha exhaled sharply through his nose.

 

` You think you a real smartass don't you?' he inquired of his youkai.

 

` Well I am you.' his youkai retorted smartly. InuYasha let out a small growl in frustration.

 

` I fucking don't have time for this!' he exclaimed in exasperation. His youkai must have retreated then because he heard no reply. InuYasha rubbed his temples.

 

“ Fucking bastard” he muttered. He let out a deep breath

 

He turned his attention once again to the now teary eyed miko. She appeared to be deeply contemplating something troubling. He watched as she wiped away a stray tear. He then took a tentative sniff.

 

He could smell her sadness and it tugged at his heartstrings. He hated to see Kagome sad. She was just so beautiful and it broke his heart to see someone as pure and beautiful as Kagome have to be sad. Of course it could be said that he was usually the one who caused her be in such a state, but he could dwell on that later.

 

“ Oi wench, you alright?” he asked her, his voice breaking the stillness of the night. He watched as she let out a gasp, obviously startled. She turned around to make eye contact with him,

 

Her stormy grey eyes swirled with barely contained emotions, but the most discernable of the emotions was fear. InuYasha was taken aback. Was she fearful of something she had seen in her dream?

 

“ You were talking in you're sleep.” He continued with a small cough.

Just then the fear that emanated from Kagome sharply increased, nearly choking him. Her eyes became glazed and she appeared to be recalling back pieces of her dream. Her eyes began to well with unshed tears and InuYasha was once again assaulted with scent of saline tears. But as quickly as they stared it disappeared. Now at the same they both realized that they were both starring directly at each other, neither of them moving. Kagome turned away first, and InuYasha could see that her cheeks were becoming stained with pink.

 

“I-I'm f-fine.” She choked out. Her cheeks still held a dusting of pink and she refused to meet his gaze.

 

Inuyasha then saw Kagome rub her arms. He realized the temperature must had fallen since earlier because what she was wearing obviously not enough as he observed Kagome continuing to rub her arms to warm herself.

 

“ Hey, are you cold wench?' he asked even though he already knew the answer. He saw Kagome give a small shudder.

 

“ N-no.” she replied, her teeth chattering. He could smell the lie but he did

not say anything

 

`Feh, stupid girl's going to freeze to death being so stubborn.' He thought affectionately. Giving it little thought he then decided to take matters into his own hands. Inuyasha leapt down from the tree and walked over to where Kagome seated on her sleeping bag. As he came closer, he could still smell lingering traces of salt in the air and her head was still turned away from him.

 

The fire they had made earlier when they had set up camp had shrunk down to just smoldering embers, casting an orange, almost ethereal, glow on Kagome. His heart nearly skipped a beat. He sat down next to her on his haunches.

 

“ Kagome.” He uttered softly. When she turned her head to face him, his breath caught in his throat.

 

Her big, gray eyes were shinning with an unidentifiable emotion swimming in their ashen depths and her eyelashes glistened from earlier tears. Inuyasha's eyelids went half-mast as they clouded with desire.

 

` So beautiful'

 

His eyes traced every detail of her face before settling on her lips, which were swollen from worrying. His face slowly started moving towards hers of it's own volition.

 

When their faces were only a breaths away, Kagome ended the almost kiss by abruptly turning her head away, bringing Inuyasha back to reality. He too turned his head away, unable to face Kagome. He was disgusted with himself for almost losing control of his emotions. He had to get away before he did something stupid. He stood up. He took off his haori and placed it on Kagome's sholders's.

 

“ Can't have you being cold.” He muttered as he started to make his way back towards his tree. He was almost to the tree when Kagome spoke, just loud enough for him to hear.

 

“ Yeah, it would be a shame if your shard detector got sick.” She spat. Inuyasha froze. He could hear the pain in her voice and he silently berated himself.

 

` You baka, she's still hurting from her nightmare. You just had to go and ruin it by making her think that that she's just a shard detector again' He cleched his fists as he resisted the urge to comfort her. He then forced himself to relax and made his way back to his tree. He then jumped back up onto his perch and folded his arms.

 

She was more than just a shard detector to him and been for a very long time. She was everything to him, he needed her.

 

He couldn't remember how long it had been this way. He knew that now he not only wanted her by his side, but he needed her presence near him.

 

Things had changed after Kikyo had died. Their relationship had changed. But most of all Kagome had changed. She didn't smile as much as she used to and when she did smile, Inuyasha could still see sadness lingering in her eyes. It seemed that the realities of the time they were living in had finally caught up to her. She no longer that carefree fifteen year-old he had met nearly two years ago. She was sixteen going on seventeen, nearly a young woman. She had seen more in a year and a half than most girls in her time her age would ever see in their lifetimes. She had to do so much growing up in so little time, mentally and emotionally.

 

When they had first started out, all the violence and gore hadn't seemed to put a damper on her spirit. But as time wore on he could start to see the tiredness in her eyes, eyes that had seen and experienced so much suffering. He remembered seeing that same tiredness in his mother's eyes before she died.

 

<Flash Back>

He could see it when she smiled, her eyes held a faraway look that spoke of prolonged sadness. He knew when his mother had that look in her eyes, she was thinking of his father.

 

< End Flashback>

 

She was killed in a fire when he was only five years old, in a fire set by her own father. He had wanted to burn away his disgrace daughter and her

“ abomination of a son”.

 

<Flash Back>

The flames surrounded them, the room a blazing inferno of heat. InuYasha's mother was pinned to the floor underneath a fallen beam. His mother told him to run as fast as his five-year-old legs would carry him and to never come back to the castle. Inuyasha was scared because his mother had told him before to never use his powers around humans. He protested and cried, saying that he wanted to stay with her and he wouldn't leave her. She then told him that she loved him as a shadow crept upon her fallen form. Before Inuyasha could open his mouth to scream, a man lept out of the shadows and pierced his mother through the chest with his katana. InuYasha cried out as his mother, the only person who had ever loved him, bled to death before his very eyes.

 

He didn't have long to morn his mother's death for the man who had just stabbed her, was now after him. InuYasha's body raged in barely contained fury. This man had killed his mother, he was going to pay. He hurled himself at the man, with the intent of severly maiming him. He was able to tear off a limb and gouge his eyes out before the man caught him by the neck.

 

“ You filthy hanyou brat,” the man spat. “ You think you deserve to live?” InuYasha struggled against the man's hand, trying to get loose. The man laughed and then tightened his grip, leaving InuYasha gasping for air.

 

“ I'm gonna send you straight to hell along with your mother.” InuYasha eyes narrowed as he summoned up the last of his energy.

 

“ THE HELL YOU WILL!” he screamed as he bit down hard on the man's hand gaining himself freedom as the man immediately let go. InuYasha managed to escape out of the window, just before the roof collapsed from the fire, crushing his mother and the man who killed her.

 

InuYasha ran faster than he ever had before that night. For miles he was chased by castle soldiers with spears on horses as he was also pelted with rocks and stones. He ran for two days and night with little stopping. On the third night he was so exhasted, he was barely able to crawl. He desperately needed to rest but he was now being chased by youkai who where looking for an easy meal. He hobbled along, not knowing that the forest he was in would be named after him a century later.

 

The kami's must have looking down on him that night because they lead InuYasha's weary, misguided feet to an enormous, knotted up, old tree. The roots shot up out of the ground all over the place, and it's low branches swung the night breeze. For some reason this tree somehow gave InuYasha an aura of peace. With the last of his strength, he pulled himself up to a sturdy branch were he finally sat down for the first time in three days. All of the pain and suffering he had experienced within the last three days finally came to a boiling point. He was finally able to grieve his departed mother and so he did. Thus InuYasha spent his first night in the Goshinboku, as his mourful cries reached the heavens

 

<End Flashback>

 

He had to grow up fast. When his mother died he was suddenly thrust into a world of hate and prejudice that dispised him for what he was and not who he was. Every day growing up had been a fight for him, a fight to find food, a fight for decent shelter, a fight to live. Over time he had grown tired of fighting and when he had discovered the Shikon no Tama he had thought his fight was finally over.

 

When Kagome came into his life, he realized that his fight in fact, wasn't over. Kagaome gave him a reason to fight, a reason to live. She showed InuYasha that there was still kindness left in the world and she gave him hope, something he had thought had died with his mother. She had transformed him, a broken, jaded hanyou into a boy, almost a man. A young man who had hopes and dreams as much as anyone else. Even though he seemed to be rough around the edges and a bit antisocial, he was still deep down inside, that little boy who had lost his mother and was shunned by his family.

 

But the most important thing that Kagome had taught him, was the true meaning of friendship and how to love. He would willingly move the heavens and earth themselves if it meant her happiness.

 

The scent of salt hit his nose once more, she was crying again. InuYasha mentally sighed. He always seemed to know the right way to make her cry. He had lost count of how many times she had cried because of him.

 

“ No.” he heard her sniff below him.

 

He could feel her sadness surround him as if it were a tangible thing.

` Kagome, I promise you. When this is all over, I will tell you, I will tell you everything.' He silently promised her.

 

With every tear that Kagome shed that night, InuYasha's heart broke even more.

 

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That is the end of the first chapter with more to come soon. Please review and tell me what you think! I don't appeciate flames, but I DO appeciate contructive critisism. I do like to know what people think of my stories so if you have a suggestion, a comment, or hell, say how much you like my story, please review. And if I think that it will fit well into the story I will also take suggetions for future chapters.

Untill next time

YurDestini231

(aka. Marie)