InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Never-Ending Love ❯ Chapter 5
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: DragonGrl 
Getting to know you...Who's the mysterious woman and why does she bring up the past?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 04.29.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.0K | Visits: 684 | Status: Work In Progress
Getting to know you...Who's the mysterious woman and why does she bring up the past?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 04.29.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.0K | Visits: 684 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
‘___’ Thought expressions.
“Italic” Whisper expressions
I was absolutely shocked when I saw whom it really was that night. Turning over confirmed my suspicions but I never expected to be right and that was what confused me the most. Between his actions and my feelings, I didn’t know what to do anymore. It only proved that I wasn’t dreaming and it demonstrated that I wasn’t the only one feeling strange either. Although, I knew that whatever decision I took, it was going to end up hurting us all.
Koga DID try to get in contact with me afterwards but Kagome wouldn’t let him talk to me and I refused to too, of course. He even had the nerve to come to the house looking for me, claiming that he needed to talk about what happened. But both Kagome and Sesshomaru would not let him get near me. Especially Sesshomaru, when Koga tried to walk up to me, he stood right in front of me and shot Koga a look that could almost kill. I was surprised to see such a reaction come from him. It seemed as if he was protecting someone very precious to him. But in the end, Koga finally left me alone or at least I thought he did.
About Sesshomaru’s late night visit, well, I never mentioned anything to neither Kagome nor him and he never mentioned anything about it either. Let’s just say that I played it off as if I didn’t know that anyone came in that night. I decided to keep it as my own little secret, adding more to the collection I already had. After that night, he started to talk to me more often with the excuse that he wanted to get to know me better and in reality, I wanted the same. But I avoided him as much as possible, not because of my feelings towards him but because I wanted to prevent a conflict between Kagome and I.
Throughout the next months, I noticed that Kagome and Sesshomaru started to become more distant. They didn’t go out together as much as they used to or even spend time with one another. I’m not sure why but what confirmed my doubts was what I accidentally overheard Kagome telling Sango over the phone.
I was walking towards the kitchen and saw Kagome sitting on the couch, talking on the phone. I don’t think Sesshomaru was home that day. When I was just about to enter the kitchen, I stopped when Kagome seemed to be talking about him.
“Well things are ok between us but it doesn’t feel the same anymore… I don’t know but it’s getting pretty boring. I don’t think he’s my type; he’s too quiet and doesn’t like going out a lot… Oh you know I love it… I’m not sure. I guess I’ll just hang on a while longer and see what happens, I don’t think much will change though. If it doesn’t, I’ll just break it off…”
My eyes widened and my mouth hung open at Kagome’s words, ‘What? How could she say it just like that? Without even feeling some kind of remorse. I can’t believe her.’ Yet I remained silent and carried on with what I was doing. I don’t think Kagome ever found out that I overheard what she said and I didn’t mention it to her either. For my safety, it was good that I didn’t.
Although, it seemed that the more distant they became, the more Sesshomaru would approach me. But my dodging him made it difficult and it proved to be very effective at the beginning, until it backfired. One day, he finally managed to catch me off guard and got what he was working so hard for, a conversation.
I was sitting on the steps of the back porch, looking up at the sky. The moon was nearly full and made its presence known by shining brightly down to the yard, giving it a light glow. I was alone; thinking about things that just came into mind, nothing in particular really. When all of a sudden, I turned and saw him sit down on the opposite side, he really wasn’t that close because the stairs were pretty wide so we both still had some good distance between us.
Disregarding him, I looked up to the sky again before he turned towards me, “May I ask what you’re doing out here by yourself?”
I leaned my head back on the railing and continued to look up, “Nothing. Just looking up at the moon. It always looks amazing no matter in what stage it’s in.” I heard him move around and turned slightly to see him looking up as well. The moonlight made his hair shine and illuminated his face, giving him an almost angelic look. He always took my breath away, no matter what he was wearing. Believe me, I saw him in not so good-looking attire and he still looked amazing to me.
He lowered his head and looked towards me, locking his eyes with mine, “Yes, it does.”
The tone of his voice made my cheeks heat up and I couldn’t help curl my lips up to a smile as I looked away from him, “So where’s Kagome?”
“She’s not home. She went out with some friends.”
I tilted my head back up to look at the sky but I kept glancing at him from the corner of my eye, “Oh.”
He looked towards me and smiled, “So Rin, do you go to school?”
Shaking my head, “No, I don’t actually. I’m done with my studies.”
Shocked, “How can you be done if you’re barely 21 years old? You still have so much more to go.”
Still looking towards the sky, I smiled, “Because I already have a masters degree.”
That’s when I heard him sit up. I glanced over and giggled when I noticed that his eyes had widened, shocked, “WHAT? How can that be? You’re so young. You’re just kidding with me, aren’t you?”
Turning towards him, I shook my head, “No, not at all. I’m serious. I have a Masters degree in Business.”
He sat back and slightly shook his head; “Wow that’s amazing. How did you do it? I mean it took a while to get mine.”
Shifting around, I brought my knees up to my chest and crossed my arms over them. Then I bent down and leaned my head down on my arms, looking towards the yard, “Well, when my parents died I was absolutely devastated. I didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere; I’d lost all hope of living and it lasted for over a year. All I wanted was to be alone; but the more I needed it, the less everyone left me. I stopped talking to all my friends but they would still check on me. I would talk to no one except Kagome; she was the only one that kept me going at the time. Until one day, I decided to do something of myself instead of just being cooped up in my room.” I turned towards him and found him looking at me, he seemed really interested in hearing my story.
“How old were you?”
Turning back towards the yard, “I was 16 when they passed away.”
“Ah, so you were 17 when you started school again?”
Nodding, still looking at the yard, “Yeah, I told my uncle, since he was the one caring for us at the time and he hired tutors for me. Excellent tutors the best you can find. That was when I met Hojo. He was one of the tutors that inspired me the most and because of him, I progressed very quickly. Also, I had a lot of time on my hands and to me, hitting the books helped a lot to get my mind off the accident.”
“You must be a genius then.”
I lifted my head up off my arms and giggled. Then, I lowered it and shook it slightly, “No, I’m not a genius. I’m as smart as the next person but I was hurt and desperate to find a solution for a problem that was haunting me and at the time, studying seemed to be the only solution I had.”
“Sounds like you’ve had quite a life.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Suddenly, I turned towards him and he was looking back up at the sky. He looked so handsome under the moonlight; I could almost see the moon reflecting off his amber eyes. All of a sudden, I found myself unable to take my eyes away from him. I’m guessing he must’ve felt my gaze on him and turned towards me, his eyes had a kind of softness to them that I couldn’t quite understand. We kept looking at each other for a while and it felt as if he was trying to somehow grasp what I had just confided in him. But a noise from the inside of the house broke our bond and we both turned to see.
“Sounds like Kagome’s home. I’m going in.” I stood and started to walk towards the house but he stopped me by catching my wrist as I passed by him.
“Rin,” I turned towards him, waiting for him to say something but instead he remained silent. Although, he really didn’t have to say anything because his eyes said more than words ever could.
The look in his eyes that moment made my heart feel as if it was going to burst but I couldn’t do anything about it. Even though they were distant, he was still with Kagome and it was the reason why he was there to begin with. All I knew was that I didn’t want to stand in-between them. Even though I wanted to, even though my heart wanted to cry out to him, I never responded to him just smiled and whispered, “I need to go inside,” before he released me and I walked back into the house.
After that, we didn’t have another private conversation like the one we had. I don’t think Kagome knew he was outside with me when she’d gotten home that night, for she didn’t say anything. If we had any conversations amongst each other, they would always be in front of her.
A couple of weeks later, I was at a café that was not too far from the house. I was sitting outside, reading a magazine and drinking tea. The weather was kind of gloomy that day and it was very cloudy but it didn’t seem as if it was going to rain. I was looking at a picture of an outfit when I heard someone call my name,
“Rin?”
Lifting my head up, I started to look around trying to find the source of the voice and noticed a woman walking towards me. At first look, I didn’t quite recognize her because she was too far away.
Then she walked up to me, “Rin Imamura, is that you?”
Her voice sounded really familiar but I couldn’t quite figure out who it was. So I kept looking at her, thinking back until it finally hit me, “OH MY GOD, Mrs. Ishikawa. It’s so nice to see you again.” Then I stood and wrapped my arms around her.
“I knew it was you when I saw you,” releasing me. She pulled back and looked me up and down, “My, have you grown. You look absolutely beautiful. How are you my dear?”
Looking myself over and then back at her, my cheeks heated up, “Thank you, Mrs. Ishikawa. You look great as well. I didn’t quite recognize you at the beginning. Actually, I’m doing well thanks and yourself?”
She waved her hand, “Oh dear, come on stop that. You know you can call me Ayame. I’m doing great.”
Smiling, “Oh, ok. Ayame, please take a seat. I was just starting to have some tea. Will you join me?”
She smiled, “Ooooo tea actually sounds great right now. That way we can catch up on our gossip.”
Giggling, “Sounds good to me.”
I’m pretty sure you’re wondering who this woman is by now. Well, she was a very important aspect in my life back when my parents died. Back when Hojo and I would hang out together and pretty much do everything together. She’s his mother. Hojo and her were one of the reasons why I continued to live after the accident. Yes and I say it as LIVE, because I felt that death would’ve been the only way I could stop the pain I felt. Hojo gave me a new reason to live, he taught me many things and I loved him for everything he did for me. You can say that he was my first true love. She was always there for me when I needed her. I loved her and still love her a lot; she’s been like a mother to me.
We chatted for quite some time. It was about 5pm and the sky was beginning to darken. We spent the entire day talking about everything: what I have been doing, I even told her about Koga and Sesshomaru. She talked to me about; how the business was doing and what she’d done recently. Her husband still lived but Mr. Ishikawa was always out on business and was hardly ever home. I think she was already used to not having him around.
My cell phone suddenly started to ring, “Oh sorry, it’s Kagome. Excuse me for a sec.”
“Oh no it’s ok, pick it up. Tell her I said hi.”
I answered my phone:
“Hello
Hey Rin, what are you doing?
I’m still at the café, guess who’s here with me?
Who? A really HOT guy? - She started to laugh.
Laughing, No, you dork. Mrs. Ishikawa. Oh sorry, Ayame. Do you remember her? Hojo’s mother? By the way, she says Hi.
Oh yeah, how’s she doing? Tell her I said Hi.
·I turned to Ayame, “She says Hi.”
She’s doing well. We’re just drinking some tea and chatting.
Cool. Oh ok. Well I’ll let you get back to chatting. I’ll see you later ok
All right, Bye.
Bye”
I set my phone down and smiled, “Sorry, Kagome likes to bug me all the time.”
She laughs, “No, it’s ok. She’s just worried that’s all.”
“In that case, she’s worried non-stop.”
Giggling, “So Rin, do you have any plans for later?”
Shaking my head, “No, not that I know of. Why?”
Smiling, “Good because I want to show you something.”
Nodding, “Oh ok, Well, I have all day.”
Standing up, “Great, well let’s go shall we?”
I nodded, “Sure.” So I paid the tab, grabbed my things and walked with her to the limousine. Since I was allowed to go in first, I sat by the left window. She stopped and whispered something to the driver before she stepped in.
I kept looking at the inside and then turned towards her, “Wow, I haven’t been in one of these in a long time,” as the door was closed.
Smiling, “How long has it been?”
Shaking my head, “I can’t remember. That’s how long it’s been. So where are we going?”
She laughed, “Silly girl. You’ll see, it’s somewhere special.”
“Oh ok.”
During the drive, we chatted more but she started bringing up Hojo a lot more often. I began to get a weird feeling that this “special place” she was taking me to had something to do with him, but I could’ve been wrong. After a bit of a long drive, we finally arrived to some buildings that were up on a hill; I looked out the window and read the sign.
Turning towards her, “Hillside Estates. What is this place?”
“Oh, you’ll see dear.”
The car made a full stop in front of a building and the driver walked over to open the door. It was a really nice area, located on the edge of the city and it wasn’t too secluded either. There were also other apartment buildings not far from it as well. We stepped out and she guided me towards the building in front of us. Walking in, we approached the elevators and took one up to the 4th floor. Although the moment when we stepped out of the elevator, I felt a cold chill shoot up my back. I’m not sure what it was but I didn’t like the feeling I was getting. Nonetheless, I continued to walk behind her until we arrived to the final hallway that only had 2 doors, one on the very end and another one about 100 feet before the other one. We walked up to the first door and Ayame pulled out a set of keys from her purse and used it to open the door.
“There you go, my dear.” She opened the door and stepped aside, allowing me to go in first.
I walked slowly into the loft and looked all around, “Wow, this place is cool.” Turning towards her, curious, “But why did you bring me here?”
She walked up to me, her eyes had saddened and they caused another chill to course through my body. Her voice low, “It belonged to Hojo, this was his place. I’m surprised he never brought you here.”
When she finished, my blood rushed to the floor, lightly, “Oh.” I started looking around again, feeling my hands become ice cold and goosebumps crawled all over my arms as I kept walking. It looked to be a very cozy place. It had many windows, brightening the place up and there was a balcony down the hall To the left and right from where I stood were doors, most likely the bedrooms or bathrooms. Then further in on the left, stood the kitchen. It seemed as if it had not been used in a long time but was still maintained. All the way to the back was the living room and on the left wall was a full-fledged bar.
Seeing the bar there made me lightly chuckle, “That’s Hojo for you.” He did mention something about it once but I never believed it, I thought he was joking. Obviously, he wasn’t. It was funny though for that place hardly had any walls only the ones in the bedrooms and bathroom. I turned and walked out to the balcony; it was really big and had a breathtaking view of the city. I walked back inside and closed the door behind me as I turned to look back at Ayame; “This place is amazing.”
She smiled, “Yes it is but I still have one more thing I need to show you.”
Surprised, “There’s more?” Walking towards the door.
I followed her down to the outside of the building and we entered the area where the garages were. We kept walking down a couple of doors until she finally stopped.
“Here it is.” She pulled out another set of keys from her purse with a control hanging on it. She pressed a button and the garage door began to open. Since it was already quite dark, I really couldn’t see what was inside the garage until she walked in and turned on a light inside. My eyes widened and I gasped when I saw what was kept in there. “This is It,” pointing towards the car.
Shaking my head, “Oh my god, it can’t be.” I couldn’t believe it and started to slowly walk up to it and stretched my hand out to touch it.
“Yes it is,” as she stepped away, allowing me to pass through.
My hand was shaking, when I touched the car. It was Hojo’s beige Mercedes. Closing my eyes, I began to walk around it, feeling it and remembering at the same time.
There were so many memories we shared with that car. In that car, he would take me anywhere I wanted without hesitation. We would sometimes just sit in that car and talk until very late. At that point, I’m not sure if it was because I was shocked but I didn’t know what to think or what to do anymore.
I reached the door again and reopened my eyes, looking over at Ayame, my voice low, “I can’t believe this is still here. I though you would’ve gotten rid of it.”
Shaking her head, “No, never. I couldn’t have been able to if I tried.” I couldn’t take the feelings revolving inside me anymore and walked out the garage. Ayame closed the door, “Let’s go,” and we made our way back to the limo. Once inside, she turned towards me “Rin, do you mind if I stop by my house really quick before I drop you home?”
I was staring out the window, still trying to absorb all that I’d just seen but my brain seemed not process it or it was my heart that didn’t let it sink in. Snapping out of my reverie, I turned towards her, “Huh, oh it’s ok.”
During the drive to her house, we said nothing to each other. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk to her but because I really couldn’t and I’m sure she knew that. By the time we arrived to her house, it had started to rain. Her house was a HUGE mansion, it was enormous but at that moment I just didn’t care.
She gently placed her hand on my shoulder, “I’ll be right back ok?”
I nodded and turned to see one of her maids’ walk out with an umbrella to escort her inside. It wasn’t too long before she came back out and stepped into the limo. As we headed to my house, I remained silent just staring out the window. I felt her place her hand on my shoulder again but I didn’t even flinch at her touch. It seemed as if I was a lifeless corpse with a beating heart, not moving or feeling anything.
When we arrived to my house, the car stopped in front of it. We moved to switch seats so I could get out through the right side.
When I was going to open the door she stopped me, “Rin, wait.” I turned to her; “I wanted to give you something before you leave.”
I couldn’t speak; my voice wasn’t working properly. But I tried and managed to get something out, “What is it?”
She reached into her purse and pulled out the two sets of keys and an envelope, handing them to me, “Take these.”
I took them from her and looked down at them, noticing that they were the keys for the loft and the car. Shaking my head, “But I can’t take this. They belonged to Hojo, you should be the one to keep them,” giving them back to her.
She shook her head and put her hand up, “No, I’m sure he wanted you to have them.” She pointed towards the envelope, “That is a letter that Hojo asked me to give to you before he passed, it should answer all questions you might have.”
My blood rushed to my feet again and felt my entire body get ice cold. I continued to look at her and she slightly smiled, her voice as low as a whisper, “Go, it’s ok. Just be careful not to get too wet.” The driver opened the door and escorted me to the front porch. I saw Ayame wave goodbye and noticed the sad look on her face as her car took off. I held the keys and envelope to my chest with my arms crossed over them.
I knocked at the door, I have no idea why since I had the key but at that moment, I just wasn’t functioning right.
Kagome opened the door and gasped, “Oh my god, Rin. What’s wrong? You’re completely pale.” She wrapped her arm around me and walked me over me to the sofa. Sesshomaru quickly stood up to close the door and then kneeled in front of me. Kagome sat beside me, holding me close and started to stroke my hair, “What happened Rin? Why are you like this? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”
My voice still wasn’t working properly, all I could do then was whisper, “I did see one.” Not releasing the contents I had in my hands because my arms suddenly wouldn’t move.
Sesshomaru pointed towards them, “What’s that you have in your hands?”
I keep looking forward staring at nothing. A blank expression taking over my face, “It’s the keys to Hojo’s place and his car. He wrote me a letter before he died, this is it.”
Leaning over and resting her head on mine, “Oh no, are you sure you want to read it?”
Nodding, “Yeah, I need to know what he said.”
“Do you want me to open it for you?” she reached over and tried to take the envelope but I flinched away.
Shaking my head, “NO, I want to read it alone.”
Sesshomaru began to lightly caress my knee; “Do you think you’ll be all right?”
“I have to be. I’m going to go.” I felt Kagome release me and she helped me stand. Once I was up, I started to slowly make my way towards my room.
Once inside, I dropped everything on the bed and picked up the envelope. I turned and sat on the floor, leaning on the side of the bed. My hands were started to shake tremendously as I opened the letter and began to read it:
Dearest Rin,
I’ve really wanted to see you these past few days but I understand that you have to take care of your affairs about your parents first. I would’ve hoped to tell you this in person but expressing myself in this letter will have to do.
You’ve been my dearest friend for so long. You are the only person in this world I could fully trust. I bless the day when I was called by your uncle to meet you for your tutoring. We‘ve made so many great memories together since then. Especially, when we shared our hopes and dreams to each other. That’s a day I’m never going to forget. But rest assured that I leave this world happy but with a regret that of all those chances I had, I never told you how much I truly loved you. But by writing you this letter it will clear me of this regret I have. You became my life, my fantasy and the lover in my dreams. You are the one person I would’ve wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But don’t worry though, I know you loved me as well because I always saw the love you had for me reflect in your eyes or felt it in the way you held me. At least, I was able to make you happy during the tough times you had. I’m glad I was able to feel your lips against mine once and it’s definitely a sensation that I can’t and won’t try to remove from my lips.
I’m just sorry I couldn’t tell you all of this in person like I wanted to but life doesn’t always give us what we wish for. Rin Imamura, you will always have a special place in my heart. I love you and always will.
With Love,
Hojo Ishikawa
P.S. I’ve let my mother know that I want my place and car left to you. That way you can always have a place to stay and be able to get yourself around, no matter what. I know you well, Rin, I’m sure that you’re not going to accept but I want you to have them as another way to remember me. Always keep me in your heart and you will always be in mine. I’m sure you’ll make someone extremely happy someday because you are special. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
As I was reading the letter, tears started to pool in my eyes until I couldn’t hold them back anymore. They fell uncontrollably until the end. When I was done, I pulled my knees up to my chest and held onto them with the letter tightly clenched in my hand. I couldn’t hold back from crying out anymore. I lowered my head and started to sob right into my arms. I cried until I couldn’t anymore, leaving me where it felt that even if I tried, tears wouldn’t come out.
About 2 hours later, I didn’t move from my position at all. I remained still with my forehead still resting on my arms, my mind lost to nothingness. Then, I lifted it up a bit to stare at the wall, resting my chin on my knees.
Suddenly, my door opened. “Rin?” I was able to hear Sesshomaru’s voice but I didn’t bother to turn.
Sinking my head further into my arms, I heard him come in and he closed the door behind him. That’s when I heard him lightly gasp and he walked up to me. He kneeled right in front and reached out to caress my head, his voice low, “Are you ok, sweetheart?”
I looked at him, seeing the worry and fear that appeared in his eyes but even then, I still said nothing to him.
He moved up closer to me until I felt his knees touch the tips of my feet, continuing to caress my forehead. He kept his voice low but it had filled with concern, “Come on, speak to me Rin.” But for some reason, the sound of his voice felt soothing to me.
So I lifted my head up off my arms and lowered my knees to one side, not feeling anything even as the numbness began to dissipate from the position they had been.
He cupped my cheek in his hand as we looked at each other. Then he noticed the letter clenched in my hand and with his other one, reached over and held on to it, “May I?”
Releasing the letter, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” I turned away from him as I felt him take it but I started to feel as if I was going to break down again.
He released me and began to read it. When he finished, he reached up and held on to my chin. Slowly turning my face towards him, “Rin, I…”
At that moment, seeing the look in his face and the sadness that filled his eyes, I just couldn’t hold it anymore. I burst into tears again but that time I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck. I’m not sure why I did it, it must have been the need to be comforted that led me to do it and at that point I just didn’t care about anything. I buried my face in his shoulder, held on tight and cried out, “Why does this have to happen to me? First, it was my parents then I had to lose him too. The only people that have meant something to me are gone. I’ll never see them again.” As I kept sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder.
I felt him wrap his arms tightly around me, holding me close to him. Then he started to lightly rub my back in an effort to comfort me as he whispered in my ear, “It’s ok sweetie. I promise you that everything’s going to be all right, you’ll see.” Lightly rocking our bodies, trying to calm me down.
The feeling of being in his arms and listening to his comforting words made me feel safe and at peace, something that I wasn’t able to feel in a long time. A feeling that only my parents and Hojo had given me. That was when I finally realized what was missing in my life. LOVE, but it was a love that I could never have and it was tearing me apart. It was a love that was so close but yet so beyond my grasp which caused the tears to reappear. It was a love that no one, absolutely no one but one person could ever give me and it was from the man that was right there with me, holding me in his arms.
‘___’ Thought expressions.
“Italic” Whisper expressions
I was absolutely shocked when I saw whom it really was that night. Turning over confirmed my suspicions but I never expected to be right and that was what confused me the most. Between his actions and my feelings, I didn’t know what to do anymore. It only proved that I wasn’t dreaming and it demonstrated that I wasn’t the only one feeling strange either. Although, I knew that whatever decision I took, it was going to end up hurting us all.
~*~*~*~
A couple of months passed since the day I was on the date from hell.Koga DID try to get in contact with me afterwards but Kagome wouldn’t let him talk to me and I refused to too, of course. He even had the nerve to come to the house looking for me, claiming that he needed to talk about what happened. But both Kagome and Sesshomaru would not let him get near me. Especially Sesshomaru, when Koga tried to walk up to me, he stood right in front of me and shot Koga a look that could almost kill. I was surprised to see such a reaction come from him. It seemed as if he was protecting someone very precious to him. But in the end, Koga finally left me alone or at least I thought he did.
About Sesshomaru’s late night visit, well, I never mentioned anything to neither Kagome nor him and he never mentioned anything about it either. Let’s just say that I played it off as if I didn’t know that anyone came in that night. I decided to keep it as my own little secret, adding more to the collection I already had. After that night, he started to talk to me more often with the excuse that he wanted to get to know me better and in reality, I wanted the same. But I avoided him as much as possible, not because of my feelings towards him but because I wanted to prevent a conflict between Kagome and I.
Throughout the next months, I noticed that Kagome and Sesshomaru started to become more distant. They didn’t go out together as much as they used to or even spend time with one another. I’m not sure why but what confirmed my doubts was what I accidentally overheard Kagome telling Sango over the phone.
I was walking towards the kitchen and saw Kagome sitting on the couch, talking on the phone. I don’t think Sesshomaru was home that day. When I was just about to enter the kitchen, I stopped when Kagome seemed to be talking about him.
“Well things are ok between us but it doesn’t feel the same anymore… I don’t know but it’s getting pretty boring. I don’t think he’s my type; he’s too quiet and doesn’t like going out a lot… Oh you know I love it… I’m not sure. I guess I’ll just hang on a while longer and see what happens, I don’t think much will change though. If it doesn’t, I’ll just break it off…”
My eyes widened and my mouth hung open at Kagome’s words, ‘What? How could she say it just like that? Without even feeling some kind of remorse. I can’t believe her.’ Yet I remained silent and carried on with what I was doing. I don’t think Kagome ever found out that I overheard what she said and I didn’t mention it to her either. For my safety, it was good that I didn’t.
Although, it seemed that the more distant they became, the more Sesshomaru would approach me. But my dodging him made it difficult and it proved to be very effective at the beginning, until it backfired. One day, he finally managed to catch me off guard and got what he was working so hard for, a conversation.
I was sitting on the steps of the back porch, looking up at the sky. The moon was nearly full and made its presence known by shining brightly down to the yard, giving it a light glow. I was alone; thinking about things that just came into mind, nothing in particular really. When all of a sudden, I turned and saw him sit down on the opposite side, he really wasn’t that close because the stairs were pretty wide so we both still had some good distance between us.
Disregarding him, I looked up to the sky again before he turned towards me, “May I ask what you’re doing out here by yourself?”
I leaned my head back on the railing and continued to look up, “Nothing. Just looking up at the moon. It always looks amazing no matter in what stage it’s in.” I heard him move around and turned slightly to see him looking up as well. The moonlight made his hair shine and illuminated his face, giving him an almost angelic look. He always took my breath away, no matter what he was wearing. Believe me, I saw him in not so good-looking attire and he still looked amazing to me.
He lowered his head and looked towards me, locking his eyes with mine, “Yes, it does.”
The tone of his voice made my cheeks heat up and I couldn’t help curl my lips up to a smile as I looked away from him, “So where’s Kagome?”
“She’s not home. She went out with some friends.”
I tilted my head back up to look at the sky but I kept glancing at him from the corner of my eye, “Oh.”
He looked towards me and smiled, “So Rin, do you go to school?”
Shaking my head, “No, I don’t actually. I’m done with my studies.”
Shocked, “How can you be done if you’re barely 21 years old? You still have so much more to go.”
Still looking towards the sky, I smiled, “Because I already have a masters degree.”
That’s when I heard him sit up. I glanced over and giggled when I noticed that his eyes had widened, shocked, “WHAT? How can that be? You’re so young. You’re just kidding with me, aren’t you?”
Turning towards him, I shook my head, “No, not at all. I’m serious. I have a Masters degree in Business.”
He sat back and slightly shook his head; “Wow that’s amazing. How did you do it? I mean it took a while to get mine.”
Shifting around, I brought my knees up to my chest and crossed my arms over them. Then I bent down and leaned my head down on my arms, looking towards the yard, “Well, when my parents died I was absolutely devastated. I didn’t want to do anything or go anywhere; I’d lost all hope of living and it lasted for over a year. All I wanted was to be alone; but the more I needed it, the less everyone left me. I stopped talking to all my friends but they would still check on me. I would talk to no one except Kagome; she was the only one that kept me going at the time. Until one day, I decided to do something of myself instead of just being cooped up in my room.” I turned towards him and found him looking at me, he seemed really interested in hearing my story.
“How old were you?”
Turning back towards the yard, “I was 16 when they passed away.”
“Ah, so you were 17 when you started school again?”
Nodding, still looking at the yard, “Yeah, I told my uncle, since he was the one caring for us at the time and he hired tutors for me. Excellent tutors the best you can find. That was when I met Hojo. He was one of the tutors that inspired me the most and because of him, I progressed very quickly. Also, I had a lot of time on my hands and to me, hitting the books helped a lot to get my mind off the accident.”
“You must be a genius then.”
I lifted my head up off my arms and giggled. Then, I lowered it and shook it slightly, “No, I’m not a genius. I’m as smart as the next person but I was hurt and desperate to find a solution for a problem that was haunting me and at the time, studying seemed to be the only solution I had.”
“Sounds like you’ve had quite a life.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Suddenly, I turned towards him and he was looking back up at the sky. He looked so handsome under the moonlight; I could almost see the moon reflecting off his amber eyes. All of a sudden, I found myself unable to take my eyes away from him. I’m guessing he must’ve felt my gaze on him and turned towards me, his eyes had a kind of softness to them that I couldn’t quite understand. We kept looking at each other for a while and it felt as if he was trying to somehow grasp what I had just confided in him. But a noise from the inside of the house broke our bond and we both turned to see.
“Sounds like Kagome’s home. I’m going in.” I stood and started to walk towards the house but he stopped me by catching my wrist as I passed by him.
“Rin,” I turned towards him, waiting for him to say something but instead he remained silent. Although, he really didn’t have to say anything because his eyes said more than words ever could.
The look in his eyes that moment made my heart feel as if it was going to burst but I couldn’t do anything about it. Even though they were distant, he was still with Kagome and it was the reason why he was there to begin with. All I knew was that I didn’t want to stand in-between them. Even though I wanted to, even though my heart wanted to cry out to him, I never responded to him just smiled and whispered, “I need to go inside,” before he released me and I walked back into the house.
After that, we didn’t have another private conversation like the one we had. I don’t think Kagome knew he was outside with me when she’d gotten home that night, for she didn’t say anything. If we had any conversations amongst each other, they would always be in front of her.
~*~*~*~
Now, some people believe that time heals all wounds. But there are wounds that not even time can heal, no matter how much of it passes by. Those memories may be forgotten but still exist deep within the heart. Most of the time, they cause more pain when they are remembered than when they actually happened, that I learned by experience. No matter how much you try to forget the past, it always finds a way to come back and haunt you, no matter what. Although, I never really believed it myself until it really happened to me.A couple of weeks later, I was at a café that was not too far from the house. I was sitting outside, reading a magazine and drinking tea. The weather was kind of gloomy that day and it was very cloudy but it didn’t seem as if it was going to rain. I was looking at a picture of an outfit when I heard someone call my name,
“Rin?”
Lifting my head up, I started to look around trying to find the source of the voice and noticed a woman walking towards me. At first look, I didn’t quite recognize her because she was too far away.
Then she walked up to me, “Rin Imamura, is that you?”
Her voice sounded really familiar but I couldn’t quite figure out who it was. So I kept looking at her, thinking back until it finally hit me, “OH MY GOD, Mrs. Ishikawa. It’s so nice to see you again.” Then I stood and wrapped my arms around her.
“I knew it was you when I saw you,” releasing me. She pulled back and looked me up and down, “My, have you grown. You look absolutely beautiful. How are you my dear?”
Looking myself over and then back at her, my cheeks heated up, “Thank you, Mrs. Ishikawa. You look great as well. I didn’t quite recognize you at the beginning. Actually, I’m doing well thanks and yourself?”
She waved her hand, “Oh dear, come on stop that. You know you can call me Ayame. I’m doing great.”
Smiling, “Oh, ok. Ayame, please take a seat. I was just starting to have some tea. Will you join me?”
She smiled, “Ooooo tea actually sounds great right now. That way we can catch up on our gossip.”
Giggling, “Sounds good to me.”
I’m pretty sure you’re wondering who this woman is by now. Well, she was a very important aspect in my life back when my parents died. Back when Hojo and I would hang out together and pretty much do everything together. She’s his mother. Hojo and her were one of the reasons why I continued to live after the accident. Yes and I say it as LIVE, because I felt that death would’ve been the only way I could stop the pain I felt. Hojo gave me a new reason to live, he taught me many things and I loved him for everything he did for me. You can say that he was my first true love. She was always there for me when I needed her. I loved her and still love her a lot; she’s been like a mother to me.
We chatted for quite some time. It was about 5pm and the sky was beginning to darken. We spent the entire day talking about everything: what I have been doing, I even told her about Koga and Sesshomaru. She talked to me about; how the business was doing and what she’d done recently. Her husband still lived but Mr. Ishikawa was always out on business and was hardly ever home. I think she was already used to not having him around.
My cell phone suddenly started to ring, “Oh sorry, it’s Kagome. Excuse me for a sec.”
“Oh no it’s ok, pick it up. Tell her I said hi.”
I answered my phone:
“Hello
Hey Rin, what are you doing?
I’m still at the café, guess who’s here with me?
Who? A really HOT guy? - She started to laugh.
Laughing, No, you dork. Mrs. Ishikawa. Oh sorry, Ayame. Do you remember her? Hojo’s mother? By the way, she says Hi.
Oh yeah, how’s she doing? Tell her I said Hi.
·I turned to Ayame, “She says Hi.”
She’s doing well. We’re just drinking some tea and chatting.
Cool. Oh ok. Well I’ll let you get back to chatting. I’ll see you later ok
All right, Bye.
Bye”
I set my phone down and smiled, “Sorry, Kagome likes to bug me all the time.”
She laughs, “No, it’s ok. She’s just worried that’s all.”
“In that case, she’s worried non-stop.”
Giggling, “So Rin, do you have any plans for later?”
Shaking my head, “No, not that I know of. Why?”
Smiling, “Good because I want to show you something.”
Nodding, “Oh ok, Well, I have all day.”
Standing up, “Great, well let’s go shall we?”
I nodded, “Sure.” So I paid the tab, grabbed my things and walked with her to the limousine. Since I was allowed to go in first, I sat by the left window. She stopped and whispered something to the driver before she stepped in.
I kept looking at the inside and then turned towards her, “Wow, I haven’t been in one of these in a long time,” as the door was closed.
Smiling, “How long has it been?”
Shaking my head, “I can’t remember. That’s how long it’s been. So where are we going?”
She laughed, “Silly girl. You’ll see, it’s somewhere special.”
“Oh ok.”
During the drive, we chatted more but she started bringing up Hojo a lot more often. I began to get a weird feeling that this “special place” she was taking me to had something to do with him, but I could’ve been wrong. After a bit of a long drive, we finally arrived to some buildings that were up on a hill; I looked out the window and read the sign.
Turning towards her, “Hillside Estates. What is this place?”
“Oh, you’ll see dear.”
The car made a full stop in front of a building and the driver walked over to open the door. It was a really nice area, located on the edge of the city and it wasn’t too secluded either. There were also other apartment buildings not far from it as well. We stepped out and she guided me towards the building in front of us. Walking in, we approached the elevators and took one up to the 4th floor. Although the moment when we stepped out of the elevator, I felt a cold chill shoot up my back. I’m not sure what it was but I didn’t like the feeling I was getting. Nonetheless, I continued to walk behind her until we arrived to the final hallway that only had 2 doors, one on the very end and another one about 100 feet before the other one. We walked up to the first door and Ayame pulled out a set of keys from her purse and used it to open the door.
“There you go, my dear.” She opened the door and stepped aside, allowing me to go in first.
I walked slowly into the loft and looked all around, “Wow, this place is cool.” Turning towards her, curious, “But why did you bring me here?”
She walked up to me, her eyes had saddened and they caused another chill to course through my body. Her voice low, “It belonged to Hojo, this was his place. I’m surprised he never brought you here.”
When she finished, my blood rushed to the floor, lightly, “Oh.” I started looking around again, feeling my hands become ice cold and goosebumps crawled all over my arms as I kept walking. It looked to be a very cozy place. It had many windows, brightening the place up and there was a balcony down the hall To the left and right from where I stood were doors, most likely the bedrooms or bathrooms. Then further in on the left, stood the kitchen. It seemed as if it had not been used in a long time but was still maintained. All the way to the back was the living room and on the left wall was a full-fledged bar.
Seeing the bar there made me lightly chuckle, “That’s Hojo for you.” He did mention something about it once but I never believed it, I thought he was joking. Obviously, he wasn’t. It was funny though for that place hardly had any walls only the ones in the bedrooms and bathroom. I turned and walked out to the balcony; it was really big and had a breathtaking view of the city. I walked back inside and closed the door behind me as I turned to look back at Ayame; “This place is amazing.”
She smiled, “Yes it is but I still have one more thing I need to show you.”
Surprised, “There’s more?” Walking towards the door.
I followed her down to the outside of the building and we entered the area where the garages were. We kept walking down a couple of doors until she finally stopped.
“Here it is.” She pulled out another set of keys from her purse with a control hanging on it. She pressed a button and the garage door began to open. Since it was already quite dark, I really couldn’t see what was inside the garage until she walked in and turned on a light inside. My eyes widened and I gasped when I saw what was kept in there. “This is It,” pointing towards the car.
Shaking my head, “Oh my god, it can’t be.” I couldn’t believe it and started to slowly walk up to it and stretched my hand out to touch it.
“Yes it is,” as she stepped away, allowing me to pass through.
My hand was shaking, when I touched the car. It was Hojo’s beige Mercedes. Closing my eyes, I began to walk around it, feeling it and remembering at the same time.
There were so many memories we shared with that car. In that car, he would take me anywhere I wanted without hesitation. We would sometimes just sit in that car and talk until very late. At that point, I’m not sure if it was because I was shocked but I didn’t know what to think or what to do anymore.
I reached the door again and reopened my eyes, looking over at Ayame, my voice low, “I can’t believe this is still here. I though you would’ve gotten rid of it.”
Shaking her head, “No, never. I couldn’t have been able to if I tried.” I couldn’t take the feelings revolving inside me anymore and walked out the garage. Ayame closed the door, “Let’s go,” and we made our way back to the limo. Once inside, she turned towards me “Rin, do you mind if I stop by my house really quick before I drop you home?”
I was staring out the window, still trying to absorb all that I’d just seen but my brain seemed not process it or it was my heart that didn’t let it sink in. Snapping out of my reverie, I turned towards her, “Huh, oh it’s ok.”
During the drive to her house, we said nothing to each other. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to talk to her but because I really couldn’t and I’m sure she knew that. By the time we arrived to her house, it had started to rain. Her house was a HUGE mansion, it was enormous but at that moment I just didn’t care.
She gently placed her hand on my shoulder, “I’ll be right back ok?”
I nodded and turned to see one of her maids’ walk out with an umbrella to escort her inside. It wasn’t too long before she came back out and stepped into the limo. As we headed to my house, I remained silent just staring out the window. I felt her place her hand on my shoulder again but I didn’t even flinch at her touch. It seemed as if I was a lifeless corpse with a beating heart, not moving or feeling anything.
When we arrived to my house, the car stopped in front of it. We moved to switch seats so I could get out through the right side.
When I was going to open the door she stopped me, “Rin, wait.” I turned to her; “I wanted to give you something before you leave.”
I couldn’t speak; my voice wasn’t working properly. But I tried and managed to get something out, “What is it?”
She reached into her purse and pulled out the two sets of keys and an envelope, handing them to me, “Take these.”
I took them from her and looked down at them, noticing that they were the keys for the loft and the car. Shaking my head, “But I can’t take this. They belonged to Hojo, you should be the one to keep them,” giving them back to her.
She shook her head and put her hand up, “No, I’m sure he wanted you to have them.” She pointed towards the envelope, “That is a letter that Hojo asked me to give to you before he passed, it should answer all questions you might have.”
My blood rushed to my feet again and felt my entire body get ice cold. I continued to look at her and she slightly smiled, her voice as low as a whisper, “Go, it’s ok. Just be careful not to get too wet.” The driver opened the door and escorted me to the front porch. I saw Ayame wave goodbye and noticed the sad look on her face as her car took off. I held the keys and envelope to my chest with my arms crossed over them.
I knocked at the door, I have no idea why since I had the key but at that moment, I just wasn’t functioning right.
Kagome opened the door and gasped, “Oh my god, Rin. What’s wrong? You’re completely pale.” She wrapped her arm around me and walked me over me to the sofa. Sesshomaru quickly stood up to close the door and then kneeled in front of me. Kagome sat beside me, holding me close and started to stroke my hair, “What happened Rin? Why are you like this? You look as if you’ve seen a ghost.”
My voice still wasn’t working properly, all I could do then was whisper, “I did see one.” Not releasing the contents I had in my hands because my arms suddenly wouldn’t move.
Sesshomaru pointed towards them, “What’s that you have in your hands?”
I keep looking forward staring at nothing. A blank expression taking over my face, “It’s the keys to Hojo’s place and his car. He wrote me a letter before he died, this is it.”
Leaning over and resting her head on mine, “Oh no, are you sure you want to read it?”
Nodding, “Yeah, I need to know what he said.”
“Do you want me to open it for you?” she reached over and tried to take the envelope but I flinched away.
Shaking my head, “NO, I want to read it alone.”
Sesshomaru began to lightly caress my knee; “Do you think you’ll be all right?”
“I have to be. I’m going to go.” I felt Kagome release me and she helped me stand. Once I was up, I started to slowly make my way towards my room.
Once inside, I dropped everything on the bed and picked up the envelope. I turned and sat on the floor, leaning on the side of the bed. My hands were started to shake tremendously as I opened the letter and began to read it:
Dearest Rin,
I’ve really wanted to see you these past few days but I understand that you have to take care of your affairs about your parents first. I would’ve hoped to tell you this in person but expressing myself in this letter will have to do.
You’ve been my dearest friend for so long. You are the only person in this world I could fully trust. I bless the day when I was called by your uncle to meet you for your tutoring. We‘ve made so many great memories together since then. Especially, when we shared our hopes and dreams to each other. That’s a day I’m never going to forget. But rest assured that I leave this world happy but with a regret that of all those chances I had, I never told you how much I truly loved you. But by writing you this letter it will clear me of this regret I have. You became my life, my fantasy and the lover in my dreams. You are the one person I would’ve wanted to spend the rest of my life with. But don’t worry though, I know you loved me as well because I always saw the love you had for me reflect in your eyes or felt it in the way you held me. At least, I was able to make you happy during the tough times you had. I’m glad I was able to feel your lips against mine once and it’s definitely a sensation that I can’t and won’t try to remove from my lips.
I’m just sorry I couldn’t tell you all of this in person like I wanted to but life doesn’t always give us what we wish for. Rin Imamura, you will always have a special place in my heart. I love you and always will.
With Love,
Hojo Ishikawa
P.S. I’ve let my mother know that I want my place and car left to you. That way you can always have a place to stay and be able to get yourself around, no matter what. I know you well, Rin, I’m sure that you’re not going to accept but I want you to have them as another way to remember me. Always keep me in your heart and you will always be in mine. I’m sure you’ll make someone extremely happy someday because you are special. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
As I was reading the letter, tears started to pool in my eyes until I couldn’t hold them back anymore. They fell uncontrollably until the end. When I was done, I pulled my knees up to my chest and held onto them with the letter tightly clenched in my hand. I couldn’t hold back from crying out anymore. I lowered my head and started to sob right into my arms. I cried until I couldn’t anymore, leaving me where it felt that even if I tried, tears wouldn’t come out.
About 2 hours later, I didn’t move from my position at all. I remained still with my forehead still resting on my arms, my mind lost to nothingness. Then, I lifted it up a bit to stare at the wall, resting my chin on my knees.
Suddenly, my door opened. “Rin?” I was able to hear Sesshomaru’s voice but I didn’t bother to turn.
Sinking my head further into my arms, I heard him come in and he closed the door behind him. That’s when I heard him lightly gasp and he walked up to me. He kneeled right in front and reached out to caress my head, his voice low, “Are you ok, sweetheart?”
I looked at him, seeing the worry and fear that appeared in his eyes but even then, I still said nothing to him.
He moved up closer to me until I felt his knees touch the tips of my feet, continuing to caress my forehead. He kept his voice low but it had filled with concern, “Come on, speak to me Rin.” But for some reason, the sound of his voice felt soothing to me.
So I lifted my head up off my arms and lowered my knees to one side, not feeling anything even as the numbness began to dissipate from the position they had been.
He cupped my cheek in his hand as we looked at each other. Then he noticed the letter clenched in my hand and with his other one, reached over and held on to it, “May I?”
Releasing the letter, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” I turned away from him as I felt him take it but I started to feel as if I was going to break down again.
He released me and began to read it. When he finished, he reached up and held on to my chin. Slowly turning my face towards him, “Rin, I…”
At that moment, seeing the look in his face and the sadness that filled his eyes, I just couldn’t hold it anymore. I burst into tears again but that time I reached out and wrapped my arms around his neck. I’m not sure why I did it, it must have been the need to be comforted that led me to do it and at that point I just didn’t care about anything. I buried my face in his shoulder, held on tight and cried out, “Why does this have to happen to me? First, it was my parents then I had to lose him too. The only people that have meant something to me are gone. I’ll never see them again.” As I kept sobbing uncontrollably into his shoulder.
I felt him wrap his arms tightly around me, holding me close to him. Then he started to lightly rub my back in an effort to comfort me as he whispered in my ear, “It’s ok sweetie. I promise you that everything’s going to be all right, you’ll see.” Lightly rocking our bodies, trying to calm me down.
The feeling of being in his arms and listening to his comforting words made me feel safe and at peace, something that I wasn’t able to feel in a long time. A feeling that only my parents and Hojo had given me. That was when I finally realized what was missing in my life. LOVE, but it was a love that I could never have and it was tearing me apart. It was a love that was so close but yet so beyond my grasp which caused the tears to reappear. It was a love that no one, absolutely no one but one person could ever give me and it was from the man that was right there with me, holding me in his arms.
~*~*~*~