InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ A Never-Ending Love ❯ Chapter 6
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: DragonGrl 
The morning after... Hojo's past... and feelings revealed... Will their love be able to exist or is there something to stand in the way?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.12.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.5K | Visits: 614 | Status: Work In Progress
The morning after... Hojo's past... and feelings revealed... Will their love be able to exist or is there something to stand in the way?
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Romance / Hentai / Drama | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 05.12.2005 | Updated On: 07.31.2006 | Pages: 4 | Words: 6.5K | Visits: 614 | Status: Work In Progress
Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the InuYasha characters they belong to Rumiko Takahashi.
‘___’ Thought expressions
“Italic” Whisper expressions
I continued to cry into the early morning, not letting go of Sesshomaru. On the contrary, the more I cried, the tighter I held onto him. He was my support and deep down, my soul was thankful that he was there. He stayed with me until the very end, holding me until I finally exhausted myself and fell asleep in his arms.
When the sun came out that morning, it peeked through my window and hit my face, waking me up. I was lying on my left side and shifted trying to turn over but I felt something preventing me from doing it. So I opened one eye, lifted my head a bit and noticed that there was an arm wrapped around my waist. Since I was still half-asleep, I didn’t pay much attention and lowered my head back down, closing my eye. But once my brain finally processed it, my eyes shot open and I looked up again to see the arm still there. Slowly, I followed the arm to its source until I turned to look over my shoulder. My eyes fully widened and I lightly gasped when I realized who was lying there with me, ”Sesshomaru.” Luckily, he was still asleep and didn’t feel when I turned over to face him. I kept looking at him, seeing how peacefully he slept and I just didn’t have the heart to wake him. So I remained still and continued to admire him while he slept. He really was amazing, even though he would never know because I just couldn’t tell him. In the short time he was there, he did a lot for me despite me pushing him away. He certainly was a sight and deep down in my heart, seeing him sleep so peacefully next to me was the vision I wanted to wake up to everyday but yet deep down, I knew it couldn’t happen. But as I kept looking at him, something stirred inside me and I reached out to caress his cheek. Although when I was just about to, something snapped and knocked me out of the reverie I was in. ‘What the hell am I doing? I’ve got to get out of here.’ So I pulled my hand back and in an attempt to get away, I reached down and tried to pry his arm from me but it only caused him to move and mumble something before he tightened his grip. Shaking my head slightly, ‘Shit. Now what am I going to do? I need to get out of here.’ Once he stopped moving, I tried again and managed to remove his arm. So I started slowly backing away, never realizing that I was already near the edge of the bed until I fell off.
THUD
“Ouch. Damn it, What the…” rubbing my bottom in the meantime.
“Rin?”
Still on the ground, my eyes widened at the sound of his voice. Shaking my head, ‘Oh I’ve done it now. I woke him up, now how am I going to get away?’
I kneeled and peeked up, finding Sesshomaru leaning on his arm with a concerned look on his face, sleepily, “Are you ok?”
I placed my arms up on the bed and leaned on them, nodding, “Yeah, I’m ok.” He looked so handsome; the sun hitting his face making his eyes brighten up. So I rested my chin on my arms and continued to silently admire him.
Yawning, “That was quite a fall, what happened?” I giggled at the sight of him yawning; he just looked so adorable.
“I was startled to find you still here.”
He suddenly looked back at me and frowned, “Was I supposed to leave?”
My eyes widened a bit and I slightly lifted my head, shaking it; “No… I mean… I’m not sure. What if Kagome comes in and finds you here?” Resting my chin back on my arms.
He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, as he spoke, “She’s not home. I’ve already checked.” Then looked back at me.
I fully lifted my head from my arms, shocked; “You’ve been up already? Then why… why are you still here? I figured you would’ve gone back to your room the moment I fell asleep.”
Shaking his head, “No… I came back.”
My eyes widened, “W… why?”
He leaned towards me, his eyes locked with mine as he lowered his voice down to a whisper, “Because I didn’t WANT to leave you alone. You really frightened me last night, even more when I saw the condition you were in. I knew that if I left, I would be worried about you so I decided to stay and keep an eye on you.”
I honestly felt bad for making him worry and couldn’t continue to look at him because of it. So I looked away and rested my head back on my arms, looking down, “Oh, I’m sorry.”
He reached out and held onto my chin, gently lifting my head up from my arms to look at him again, “Don’t look away from me Rin, what are you apologizing for?”
Looking straight into his eyes, “For making you worry about me.” Shaking my head, “I didn’t think anyone cared.”
He shook his head as his eyes widened, “Don’t be silly, of course I care and don’t be sorry. None of it is your fault, you shouldn’t feel that way.”
He released me and moved back to lay down again, closing his eyes. I rested my head back on my arms and continued looking at him, “Thank you.”
He opened one eye and turned to me, “For what?”
Lifting my head, I rested my chin on my hands and curled my lips into a smile, “For everything.”
He smiled, “You’re welcome,” Although, it faded as a confused look replaced it, “But… there’s still one thing I don’t understand.”
“What is it?”
He turned on his side, resting his weight on his elbow and rested his head on his hand. His eyes saddened, “Last night, it felt… it felt like you released a lot more than just grief. Was it what you’d been building up inside? Am I wrong?”
I looked down at the bed, shaking my head, lightly, “No… I have a tendency to keep things to myself and as you must’ve noticed, I keep to myself a lot also.”
“Why?”
Still not looking at him, “I don’t know. No one really listens to me or doesn’t want to, I’m not sure. That’s why I don’t even bother to try anymore, I just keep it to myself.”
Shocked, “Not even Kagome? I would’ve figured that she would listen to you because she’s your sister?”
I fully rested my head on my arms again and close my eyes as I sighed, “Especially Kagome, she’s always too caught up with her social life that sometimes she forgets I’m even here. I know it may seem to you like she cares but sometimes I think that she really doesn’t, like last night for example. Whatever it is, in the end, I’m always left alone even though she’s here with me.”
“And when she forgets, you don’t do anything to remind her either, do you?”
Shaking my head, “No, I just leave her alone.” That’s when my eyes began to water until a tear escaped but even yet, I remained as I was.
Suddenly, I felt his warm breath hit my face, “Rin, look at me.”
I opened my eyes and looked towards him, finding him leaning towards me with his face just mere inches from mine. His eyes soft and yet had a bit of worry mixed in as well; he lowered his voice to a soft tone, “Please don’t cry anymore. No more tears, ok?” as he reached up and wiped the tear from my cheek.
I continued to look into his eyes as I nodded and looked away to wipe the tears away from my eyes. I looked back at him, “better?”
He nodded, “Much better but… Rin, could I ask you something?”
Nodding, “Yeah,” but I was clueless as to what he would ask.
He kept looking into my eyes, boring into them until he asked, “Look into my eyes. What do you see?”
I looked deeply into his eyes and noticed something in them, something that I couldn’t quite figure out at the moment, that and I was still a bit confused at the sudden change of subject. Shaking my head, “I don’t understand.”
I noticed him studying my face as he raised his hand up to my cheek again but stopped before he touched it, “I…” lowering his hand and head while he released a frustrated groan.
I think he must’ve stopped himself from saying something but I lowered my head enough to look into his eyes, “Sesshomaru, what is it?” Following him up as he raised his head again.
He looked back up to me and reached out, cupping my cheek and caressing it with his thumb, his eyes looking straight into mine, “You want to know what I see in yours? Your eyes… your eyes look dreary, hidden behind a curtain of pain and even though you try to hide it behind an icy demeanor, it’s still there. It’s something that’s not supposed to be in someone of your age, you’re too young to have to go through all this. Also, keeping to yourself won’t help you at all either, you need to trust someone and let it out. It’s not good for you, emotionally and physically. Now I truly understand why Kagome and her friends call you ‘Ice Princess’ but they’re wrong, VERY wrong. You’re not cold at all even though you try to be, just… alone.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, removing my cheek from his hand and turned away from him, “I did trust someone.” He was absolutely right and it hurt to admit it. Only two people have been able to piece me together in such a short time, something I couldn’t even do myself, which were he and Hojo.
He lay back down; “It was Hojo wasn’t it?”
I rested my chin back on my arms and shook my head, still not looking at him, “I don’t want to talk about it.” I felt my head as if it was about to explode of how hard it was pounding.
Sounding slightly frustrated, “See what I mean, you lock yourself out from those who want to help you.”
I opened my eyes and raised an eyebrow; ‘He wants to help me?’ Then I just gave up and sighed, looking up at him, “Yes, it was Hojo. He was the only one I could fully trust and I haven’t found another that I can trust as much as I trusted him.”
Looking at me, “What happened to him? Why did he pass away?”
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and sighed, “He was ill. He developed leukemia when he was very young. I’m not sure at what age, though. The treatments he was under worked so well at the beginning, that his family at one point thought he was almost cured. He grew up with the disease under total control until when he was about 16, when his body stopped responding to the treatments.”
“So when you met him, was he still under treatment?”
I shook my head with my eyes still closed, “No… I met him when I was 17 almost 18, he was 21. By then, it had been quite a while that he’d gone without treatment and it worsened. He kept getting sick on me and I had to take him to the hospital a couple of times, until it got really bad. The doctors couldn’t stop the disease from worsening because he wouldn’t respond to any of the medication they were giving him.”
“How old was he when he died?”
Resting my chin on my arms, “He was 22.”
“He mentioned something about your parents in the letter, what was he talking about?”
“Kagome and I had to be in court to settle the changing of responsibility against my aunt and uncle. I went to visit him every day he was at the hospital but I couldn’t see him that day because I spent it all at the courthouse. Unfortunately, it ended being the last day of his life and I wasn’t there to say goodbye.” I sank my head into my arms and rested my forehead on them, hiding my face.
I had a weird feeling run through me at the time, I didn’t cry and didn’t feel like crying either. That was when I realized what Sesshomaru said was right. All I needed was to talk to someone and it helped lighten the burden I carried and at that moment, that heavy burden seemed lighter than ever.
I felt him caress my head, sounding concerned, “Rin, what’s wrong? Are you all right?”
I lifted my head and nodded, looking at him; “It’s just that my head is pounding. But I’m all right.”
He smiled and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, “Good, it’s because you were crying and didn’t sleep enough. Take a nap and it’ll go away.” Moving off the bed and sitting on the edge.
Smiling, “Thanks, I’ll do that.”
His smile widened, “This is the first time I’ve seen you smile like this, I’m glad. Well, you should rest.” Suddenly, he reached out and gently held my head in his hands, lowering it to place a kiss on my forehead.
The feeling of his lips on my skin made it almost tingle. I closed my eyes trying to savor it as long as I could but it didn’t take very long before he stood and walked away. When I opened my eyes, he was already standing by the door, “Sesshomaru?”
He stopped and turned towards me, “Yes, Rin?”
Smiling, “Thank you again… for everything.”
He smiled, “It’s my pleasure. Remember that I’m here whenever you need someone to listen. Have a good rest.” He walked out the door and closed it behind him.
Once he walked out of the room, I rested my forehead on the bed and put my hands over my head, “Damn, my head is pounding like crazy.” So I stood from the floor and climbed onto the bed to lie on my back, looking up at the ceiling and smiling, ‘I found someone that I can trust again and I’m glad it’s you, Sesshomaru.’ Turning over to my side, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
After that night, Sesshomaru grew closer to me but I had set a limit to how close he could get. As for Kagome, she never found out that he spent the night in MY room, with ME, AND in my bed. She would never forgive me if she did, even though it really wasn’t my fault. As for Hojo, his death wasn’t as painful as it was before; I’d finally learned how to accept it. I kept the keys to his place and started to use his car since Kagome took over the Jaguar we have. But I had to get my license first because I didn’t have it; I never really had a use for it at the beginning. I kept myself busy for a couple of weeks, studying and passed the tests with flying colors. I became more independent and stopped relying on Kagome for things. For some reason, we grew apart. We wouldn’t talk as much as we used to much less do things together. I believe it was because she began to suspect something going on between Sesshomaru and I, which in reality there was nothing. But previous experiences caused me to lose her full trust when it came to being around any of her “boyfriends”. About money, I never had to ask for it since my parents had set up separate accounts for each of us knowing Kagome’s need to spend money like crazy. I had all of MY money saved up.
A couple of months passed by and it seemed that things between Kagome and Sesshomaru were improving. They were going out together much more often and doing things on their own like they’d done before. As for me, I know I should’ve been happy for them but in reality, I wasn’t. Many times they took me with them on their “dates,” claiming that they were afraid of leaving me alone because of Koga. Those times felt like hell to me, so much that I couldn’t bear to even look at them because I felt jealous of Kagome; I wanted to be in the position she was in. What I would end up doing was separating myself from them until it was time to return home. It would infuriate Sesshomaru every time but it was something I just had to do and I couldn’t tell him why. Even with the newfound trust I had with him, I just couldn’t do it.
But just when things seemed that they couldn’t get any better between them, or so I thought, I was surprised to find out that I was SO VERY wrong…
That morning when I got up, I immediately hit the shower and dressed. Since I had nothing else to do, I spent all morning in the study using the computer. I surfed the net and chatted with some friends, believe me I was bored. Kagome had left to take care of some affairs over at the company, leaving Sesshomaru and I all alone. When I was finally tired of sitting around I shut down the computer, stood up and walked out to the living room. I was surprised to see Sesshomaru sitting on the couch reading the newspaper.
He turned towards me and smiled, “Good afternoon, I didn’t think you were here.”
I stopped and turned towards him, smiling, “Oh yeah, I’ve been in the study all morning.”
He closed the newspaper and placed it down onto the sofa, “Ah, what were you doing?”
“I was using the computer.”
He sat back and crossed his arms, still smiling; “Did you find anything interesting?”
Shaking my head a bit, “No… not really… but I was chatting for a while.”
At that moment, his smile faded, “Oh, with whom?”
Raising an eyebrow, I tilted my head to the side and placed my hands on my hips, “Why so many questions all of a sudden?”
Suddenly, he stood and started to walk towards me, “Just answer them.”
I rolled my eyes and looked back at him, “With my friends. Anything else you’d like to know?”
That’s when he walked up to me and stood right in front, looking right at me, “Actually, there is one more thing.”
I looked at him and took a step back, trying to keep some distance between us but it only made him take another until I hit the wall. Surprised, “Sesshomaru, what are you doing?”
He extended his arms towards the wall and supported himself by placing one hand on each side just above my shoulders. His eyes filled with determination but still held a soft look to them. My eyes widened and locked with his, I was in absolute shock. I didn’t know what to do or how to react but out of instinct, I placed my hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly still trying to keep some distance but failed miserably. He leaned in closer, so close that I felt his hot breath hitting my face. I closed my eyes and felt my heart beating so fast that I thought it was going to burst.
The fact that he was so close made my breathing become erratic and my throat had become dry, making it hard to speak, “Sess… what… is… it?”
My eyes widened and I gasped when I felt him nuzzle my neck with his nose, stroking it lightly. I could almost hear his heartbeat, feeling it beat as fast as mine when he suddenly whispered in my right ear, “What am I to you?” Then he started brushing his lips along my jawbone down to my chin and back up.
The sensation of his lips sent chills throughout my entire body. I gasped again and slightly pushed him back, making him turn to face me, “What are you talking about?”
Looking into my eyes, “I need to know what part I play in your life and don’t lie to me.”
Shaking my head, “I don’t understand. Where is this coming from? Why are you asking me this?”
He leaned in again and started to place feathery kisses along my left cheekbone and whispered in my left ear, “Just answer me.”
I gasped and pushed him back once more, “Sesshomaru, stop it. This can’t happen.” It hurt me to say it, but it was the truth. He was still with Kagome and I didn’t want be the reason why they would end their relationship.
He looked into my eyes and gripped onto my shoulders, squeezing them gently, his voice stern, “Why not? Why can’t it?”
Slightly raising my voice, “Because you’re dating my sister remember? I can’t betray Kagome like this, not again.”
He turned away from me, looking to the side, “Kagome…. Humph…. We haven’t exactly been on good terms with her lately.” Shaking his head, “I don’t understand her sometimes.” Then turns back to me, “But you…”
Cutting him off, “I can’t do this.” I loosened myself from his grip and stepped away, keeping my back towards him. Crossing my arms, I shook my head and looked towards the window, “I can’t go through this again.”
He grabbed onto my arm and turned me around to face him, holding onto both my biceps and sounding slightly frustrated, “Go through what again?”
Looking straight at him, I pushed him back but he still didn’t let go, “This… with you.” Shaking my head, “I just don’t get it, why does it always have to happen?”
He shook his head, looking confused, “I don’t understand.”
I raised my voice as my hands fisted at my sides, “Of course you don’t. Now let me guess you were going to tell me that you’ve fallen in love with me, weren’t you? I DARE you to tell me that I’m wrong.”
His jaw nearly dropped and his amber orbs widened but he said nothing. A few seconds later, I felt him loosen his grip and remained silent, just continued to look at me.
I stood in front of him, locking my eyes with his; “This is NOT the first time I’ve heard this. It happens everytime Kagome gets a new boyfriend, they end up falling for me. Even though I reject them, they still continue to approach me. Haven’t you noticed that she hates me? THAT’S the reason why she does. I’M the reason why she can’t stay together with anyone and I’M the reason why she’s so unhappy.” He stood still, shocked at what I’d just revealed to him. I turned my back to him and crossed my arms again as I sighed, “Maybe it would be better if I just left. Probably all of this wouldn’t happen.” All of a sudden, he grabbed hold of my arm and quickly turned me towards him. His grip firm on my biceps, as he looked me straight in the eyes.
His eyes were filled with anger and he practically yelled, “So what if I am? What are you going to do about it? Tell me not to and expect me to continue on with my feelings for you? That’s not going to happen.” He released my right arm and loosened his grip. Then lifted his hand to cup my cheek in his hand, caressing it as his eyes softened, “There’s a slight spark of hope in your eyes Rin. I want to be the one to help you uncover that hope, I want to be the one to help you with your problems and I want to be the one you open your heart to.”
My eyes widened and I felt my heart almost skip a beat. But I couldn’t let it get to me; it wasn’t just for my own good but for the good of us all that I had to reject him. I had to reject to his confession and break his heart, which was something he truly didn’t deserve.
I removed my face from his hand and moved to walk away from him, “I don’t need your pity.”
He pulled me towards him, turning us around and cornering me against the wall; I placed my hands on his chest again trying to push him off as he yelled, “I’M NOT PITYING YOU, DAMN IT! I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. Don’t you get it? Nothing you say is going to change how I feel. I know that you feel something for me too. Don’t dare to deny it; I can see it in your eyes, in the way you look at me. Now I dare YOU to tell me that I’m wrong.”
My eyes widened and I gasped at hearing the words I always desired to hear from him. They left me absolutely shocked and speechless, making my blood run to the floor and my heart almost stop. Nonetheless, I held on to as much control as I could but I was losing fast. Shaking my head slightly,“I… can’t… love… you.”
Nodding and looking down at my lips, as his approached mine “Yes… you can.” That’s when he pressed his lips against mine. I gasped at the feeling of them and was left frozen still. I guess when he felt me not respond to him, he started moving; placing small light kisses around my lips and deepened them as he continued.
Oh his lips felt AMAZING, so warm and so soft. As I closed my eyes, I tried to fight for whatever control I had left but I lost myself in the feeling of him. I wanted it for so long, dreamed about it and now that it was happening, I couldn’t hold myself back any longer even though my brain screamed NO.
So I slid one hand up and placed it on his nape, caressing his cheek with my thumb. I heard him almost purr at the movement of my hand and suddenly pulled back. When I felt him stop kissing me, I opened my eyes and stared in his. They’d changed dramatically, now they mirrored all that he’d been hiding all of this time; all the love he’d hidden was being reflected through his amber orbs. He smiled, wrapped his hand around my neck before he pulled me in and captured my lips once more, that time filling his kiss with much passion. He released my arm and wrapped his around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I closed my eyes again and found myself responding to him and no matter if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to stop even if I wanted to and I didn’t. I lifted my other hand and placed it around his neck, sliding it through his silver locks.
I was right; they WERE smooth and soft to the touch. I felt his tongue brush my lips, begging for them to part. But just as I was about to give him access to the deepest part of my soul, I heard it and I’m sure he heard it too. The voice that broke everything,
“Just what the FUCK is going on here?”
I quickly opened my eyes and looked to the side. There stood Kagome, with her hands at her hips and her eyes burning with rage, mostly at me. I immediately released Sesshomaru and he turned to face her, standing in front of me.
I was afraid. The look Kagome had in her eyes scared me to death. I didn’t know how she was going to react to it and most likely it wasn’t going to be well. I just stood behind Sesshomaru, using him as a shield against her.
She crossed her arms and raised her voice, “Well, what is it? What’s your excuse this time Rin?”
I heard Sesshomaru telling her, “Kagome, calm down.”
Hissing at him, “I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU SESSHOMARU.” Then turned towards me, “RIN ANSWER ME DAMN IT. YOU FUCKING SLUT, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” Her words piercing my heart like a thousand daggers, it hurt and I looked away from her.
Yelling, “KAGOME, DON’T TALK TO HER THAT WAY!” When I heard him defend me, I looked back and up to him, seeing it his face that he was determined to protect.
Turning towards him, “MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS AND I CAN TALK TO HER HOW EVER I FEEL LIKE IT!”
I saw him fist his hands in anger, but didn’t make a move. Just as he was going to say something back to her, I placed my hand on his arm and he turned towards me. Shaking my head, “Sesshomaru, don’t. You’ll only make it worse.”
He was about to cover my hand with his when Kagome jumped towards us, “KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!” She pushed me fiercely to the side, making me nearly slam hard into the wall but I still hit it pretty hard. Suddenly, she walked up to me, “YOU FUCKING WHORE!” and slapped me so hard that it made me lose my balance and almost fall to the ground.
Sesshomaru gasped and pulled Kagome back immediately after she’d slapped me and kept a hold on her but she kept trying to nudge her way out of his grasp.
I regained my balance and turned to her as I covered my injured cheek with my hand. Shaking my head slightly, “Kagome, I’m sorry.”
Her eyes widened and filled up with more rage, taking another step closer, “SORRY? YOU’RE SORRY? SORRY DOESN’T CUT IT RIN. THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME YOU’VE DONE THIS TO ME AND IT’S ALWAYS THE SAME THING, THAT YOU’RE SORRY. WELL IT’S NOT GOING TO SAVE YOU THIS TIME.”
She was about to lunge at me again but luckily Sesshomaru grabbed a hold of her again and pulled her back, “Kagome, stop this! Calm yourself down. This is not going to get you anywhere.”
She struggled against him to loosen herself from his grasp but he’d wrapped his arms around her waist making it difficult, “NO, LET… ME… GO. SHE HAS TO PAY. SHE HAS TO PAY FOR ALL THE TIMES SHE’S DONE THIS TO ME. SHE’S NOTHING TO ME ANYMORE. I HATE HER.” Looking towards me, “DID YOU HEAR ME RIN? I HATE YOU. I DON’T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE, I DON’T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.”
“KAGOME!” Sesshomaru screamed.
My heart shattered to pieces at her words, she really didn’t care. My eyes widened and filled with tears, I couldn’t help it and began to cry. I didn’t know what to do so I turned and ran towards my room.
Although as I was running, I heard Sesshomaru call my name but I didn’t pay attention and entered my room. Once inside, I leaned against the door and could hear Kagome screaming and then a door slammed. By then, I was sobbing uncontrollably, a river of tears flowing down my cheeks. I pushed myself away from the door and began to get some things together. I grabbed whatever I could get my hands on, stuffed them in a duffel bag, grabbed my purse and keys and walked out the door.
As I was walking past the dining room, I’d calmed down a little but still had tears rolling down my cheeks. I entered the living room and noticed that Kagome wasn’t there anymore but Sesshomaru was.
He was standing by the window, leaning with his forehead resting on his hand. He turned up to me, “Rin.”
I continued to walk and stopped right before the door. I turned to face him, lightly, “Where is she?”
He started walking towards me; “She’s in her room now.” Standing in front of me. Then he asked, sounding frustrated, “Rin, why do you let her insult you like that? Why did you stop me from stopping her?”
I shook my head, lightly, “It wouldn’t have done any good Sess, it would’ve only made things worse. Regardless of what happened, I would’ve ended up leaving anyway. So could you please let her know that I’ll be back tomorrow for the rest of my things and that I’m really sorry for everything.”
Surprised, “You’re really planning to leave?”
Nudging my head towards her room, “You heard her. She doesn’t want me here anymore. I can’t stay where I’m not wanted.”
He shook his head, “But this is your house, you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to.”
Nodding, “I know but remember, it’s hers’ also. So technically she can and I don’t want to make matters worse that what they already are.” Lowering my head and looking at the ground.
He reached up and cupped my cheek, lifting my head to look at him. He wiped the tears away with his thumb as he shook his head, “Rin, don’t go.”
I closed my eyes and nudged my head into his hand, savoring his sweet touch and feeling it soothe my sore cheek before I looked up and whispered, shaking my head, “I’m sorry but I have to,” raising my hand to remove his and taking a step back. The look on his face was more that enough to make more tears to appear and they started becoming uncontrollable. So I turned towards the door; opened it and stopped to look at him, saying, “Goodbye,” before I stepped out and closed the door behind me.
I quickly walked to my car, biting my lip so I wouldn’t cry and threw the bag to the back. I made my way over to the driver’s seat and drove off, not looking back. I had tears rolling down the entire time as I headed to the only place I had left, Hojo’s apartment. When I arrived to the apartments, I parked in the garage and made my way up to the loft. Entering it, I closed the door behind me and walked up to the living room, dropping the bag and my purse on the sofa. Then, I made my way over to the bathroom. I switched on the light before I entered and closed the door behind me. Leaning on it, I couldn’t hold it anymore and began to cry, sliding down slowly until I sat on the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Then, I lowered my head, resting it on my arms and started sobbing uncontrollably into them.
I remember I cried for the rest of the day, not moving from my position at all even after I’d fallen asleep. Not seeing the light of day until the next morning when I was sure that not even the sun itself was going to be able to warm the cold feeling running through me that moment.
‘___’ Thought expressions
“Italic” Whisper expressions
I continued to cry into the early morning, not letting go of Sesshomaru. On the contrary, the more I cried, the tighter I held onto him. He was my support and deep down, my soul was thankful that he was there. He stayed with me until the very end, holding me until I finally exhausted myself and fell asleep in his arms.
When the sun came out that morning, it peeked through my window and hit my face, waking me up. I was lying on my left side and shifted trying to turn over but I felt something preventing me from doing it. So I opened one eye, lifted my head a bit and noticed that there was an arm wrapped around my waist. Since I was still half-asleep, I didn’t pay much attention and lowered my head back down, closing my eye. But once my brain finally processed it, my eyes shot open and I looked up again to see the arm still there. Slowly, I followed the arm to its source until I turned to look over my shoulder. My eyes fully widened and I lightly gasped when I realized who was lying there with me, ”Sesshomaru.” Luckily, he was still asleep and didn’t feel when I turned over to face him. I kept looking at him, seeing how peacefully he slept and I just didn’t have the heart to wake him. So I remained still and continued to admire him while he slept. He really was amazing, even though he would never know because I just couldn’t tell him. In the short time he was there, he did a lot for me despite me pushing him away. He certainly was a sight and deep down in my heart, seeing him sleep so peacefully next to me was the vision I wanted to wake up to everyday but yet deep down, I knew it couldn’t happen. But as I kept looking at him, something stirred inside me and I reached out to caress his cheek. Although when I was just about to, something snapped and knocked me out of the reverie I was in. ‘What the hell am I doing? I’ve got to get out of here.’ So I pulled my hand back and in an attempt to get away, I reached down and tried to pry his arm from me but it only caused him to move and mumble something before he tightened his grip. Shaking my head slightly, ‘Shit. Now what am I going to do? I need to get out of here.’ Once he stopped moving, I tried again and managed to remove his arm. So I started slowly backing away, never realizing that I was already near the edge of the bed until I fell off.
THUD
“Ouch. Damn it, What the…” rubbing my bottom in the meantime.
“Rin?”
Still on the ground, my eyes widened at the sound of his voice. Shaking my head, ‘Oh I’ve done it now. I woke him up, now how am I going to get away?’
I kneeled and peeked up, finding Sesshomaru leaning on his arm with a concerned look on his face, sleepily, “Are you ok?”
I placed my arms up on the bed and leaned on them, nodding, “Yeah, I’m ok.” He looked so handsome; the sun hitting his face making his eyes brighten up. So I rested my chin on my arms and continued to silently admire him.
Yawning, “That was quite a fall, what happened?” I giggled at the sight of him yawning; he just looked so adorable.
“I was startled to find you still here.”
He suddenly looked back at me and frowned, “Was I supposed to leave?”
My eyes widened a bit and I slightly lifted my head, shaking it; “No… I mean… I’m not sure. What if Kagome comes in and finds you here?” Resting my chin back on my arms.
He closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair, as he spoke, “She’s not home. I’ve already checked.” Then looked back at me.
I fully lifted my head from my arms, shocked; “You’ve been up already? Then why… why are you still here? I figured you would’ve gone back to your room the moment I fell asleep.”
Shaking his head, “No… I came back.”
My eyes widened, “W… why?”
He leaned towards me, his eyes locked with mine as he lowered his voice down to a whisper, “Because I didn’t WANT to leave you alone. You really frightened me last night, even more when I saw the condition you were in. I knew that if I left, I would be worried about you so I decided to stay and keep an eye on you.”
I honestly felt bad for making him worry and couldn’t continue to look at him because of it. So I looked away and rested my head back on my arms, looking down, “Oh, I’m sorry.”
He reached out and held onto my chin, gently lifting my head up from my arms to look at him again, “Don’t look away from me Rin, what are you apologizing for?”
Looking straight into his eyes, “For making you worry about me.” Shaking my head, “I didn’t think anyone cared.”
He shook his head as his eyes widened, “Don’t be silly, of course I care and don’t be sorry. None of it is your fault, you shouldn’t feel that way.”
He released me and moved back to lay down again, closing his eyes. I rested my head back on my arms and continued looking at him, “Thank you.”
He opened one eye and turned to me, “For what?”
Lifting my head, I rested my chin on my hands and curled my lips into a smile, “For everything.”
He smiled, “You’re welcome,” Although, it faded as a confused look replaced it, “But… there’s still one thing I don’t understand.”
“What is it?”
He turned on his side, resting his weight on his elbow and rested his head on his hand. His eyes saddened, “Last night, it felt… it felt like you released a lot more than just grief. Was it what you’d been building up inside? Am I wrong?”
I looked down at the bed, shaking my head, lightly, “No… I have a tendency to keep things to myself and as you must’ve noticed, I keep to myself a lot also.”
“Why?”
Still not looking at him, “I don’t know. No one really listens to me or doesn’t want to, I’m not sure. That’s why I don’t even bother to try anymore, I just keep it to myself.”
Shocked, “Not even Kagome? I would’ve figured that she would listen to you because she’s your sister?”
I fully rested my head on my arms again and close my eyes as I sighed, “Especially Kagome, she’s always too caught up with her social life that sometimes she forgets I’m even here. I know it may seem to you like she cares but sometimes I think that she really doesn’t, like last night for example. Whatever it is, in the end, I’m always left alone even though she’s here with me.”
“And when she forgets, you don’t do anything to remind her either, do you?”
Shaking my head, “No, I just leave her alone.” That’s when my eyes began to water until a tear escaped but even yet, I remained as I was.
Suddenly, I felt his warm breath hit my face, “Rin, look at me.”
I opened my eyes and looked towards him, finding him leaning towards me with his face just mere inches from mine. His eyes soft and yet had a bit of worry mixed in as well; he lowered his voice to a soft tone, “Please don’t cry anymore. No more tears, ok?” as he reached up and wiped the tear from my cheek.
I continued to look into his eyes as I nodded and looked away to wipe the tears away from my eyes. I looked back at him, “better?”
He nodded, “Much better but… Rin, could I ask you something?”
Nodding, “Yeah,” but I was clueless as to what he would ask.
He kept looking into my eyes, boring into them until he asked, “Look into my eyes. What do you see?”
I looked deeply into his eyes and noticed something in them, something that I couldn’t quite figure out at the moment, that and I was still a bit confused at the sudden change of subject. Shaking my head, “I don’t understand.”
I noticed him studying my face as he raised his hand up to my cheek again but stopped before he touched it, “I…” lowering his hand and head while he released a frustrated groan.
I think he must’ve stopped himself from saying something but I lowered my head enough to look into his eyes, “Sesshomaru, what is it?” Following him up as he raised his head again.
He looked back up to me and reached out, cupping my cheek and caressing it with his thumb, his eyes looking straight into mine, “You want to know what I see in yours? Your eyes… your eyes look dreary, hidden behind a curtain of pain and even though you try to hide it behind an icy demeanor, it’s still there. It’s something that’s not supposed to be in someone of your age, you’re too young to have to go through all this. Also, keeping to yourself won’t help you at all either, you need to trust someone and let it out. It’s not good for you, emotionally and physically. Now I truly understand why Kagome and her friends call you ‘Ice Princess’ but they’re wrong, VERY wrong. You’re not cold at all even though you try to be, just… alone.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, removing my cheek from his hand and turned away from him, “I did trust someone.” He was absolutely right and it hurt to admit it. Only two people have been able to piece me together in such a short time, something I couldn’t even do myself, which were he and Hojo.
He lay back down; “It was Hojo wasn’t it?”
I rested my chin back on my arms and shook my head, still not looking at him, “I don’t want to talk about it.” I felt my head as if it was about to explode of how hard it was pounding.
Sounding slightly frustrated, “See what I mean, you lock yourself out from those who want to help you.”
I opened my eyes and raised an eyebrow; ‘He wants to help me?’ Then I just gave up and sighed, looking up at him, “Yes, it was Hojo. He was the only one I could fully trust and I haven’t found another that I can trust as much as I trusted him.”
Looking at me, “What happened to him? Why did he pass away?”
Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and sighed, “He was ill. He developed leukemia when he was very young. I’m not sure at what age, though. The treatments he was under worked so well at the beginning, that his family at one point thought he was almost cured. He grew up with the disease under total control until when he was about 16, when his body stopped responding to the treatments.”
“So when you met him, was he still under treatment?”
I shook my head with my eyes still closed, “No… I met him when I was 17 almost 18, he was 21. By then, it had been quite a while that he’d gone without treatment and it worsened. He kept getting sick on me and I had to take him to the hospital a couple of times, until it got really bad. The doctors couldn’t stop the disease from worsening because he wouldn’t respond to any of the medication they were giving him.”
“How old was he when he died?”
Resting my chin on my arms, “He was 22.”
“He mentioned something about your parents in the letter, what was he talking about?”
“Kagome and I had to be in court to settle the changing of responsibility against my aunt and uncle. I went to visit him every day he was at the hospital but I couldn’t see him that day because I spent it all at the courthouse. Unfortunately, it ended being the last day of his life and I wasn’t there to say goodbye.” I sank my head into my arms and rested my forehead on them, hiding my face.
I had a weird feeling run through me at the time, I didn’t cry and didn’t feel like crying either. That was when I realized what Sesshomaru said was right. All I needed was to talk to someone and it helped lighten the burden I carried and at that moment, that heavy burden seemed lighter than ever.
I felt him caress my head, sounding concerned, “Rin, what’s wrong? Are you all right?”
I lifted my head and nodded, looking at him; “It’s just that my head is pounding. But I’m all right.”
He smiled and tucked a lock of my hair behind my ear, “Good, it’s because you were crying and didn’t sleep enough. Take a nap and it’ll go away.” Moving off the bed and sitting on the edge.
Smiling, “Thanks, I’ll do that.”
His smile widened, “This is the first time I’ve seen you smile like this, I’m glad. Well, you should rest.” Suddenly, he reached out and gently held my head in his hands, lowering it to place a kiss on my forehead.
The feeling of his lips on my skin made it almost tingle. I closed my eyes trying to savor it as long as I could but it didn’t take very long before he stood and walked away. When I opened my eyes, he was already standing by the door, “Sesshomaru?”
He stopped and turned towards me, “Yes, Rin?”
Smiling, “Thank you again… for everything.”
He smiled, “It’s my pleasure. Remember that I’m here whenever you need someone to listen. Have a good rest.” He walked out the door and closed it behind him.
Once he walked out of the room, I rested my forehead on the bed and put my hands over my head, “Damn, my head is pounding like crazy.” So I stood from the floor and climbed onto the bed to lie on my back, looking up at the ceiling and smiling, ‘I found someone that I can trust again and I’m glad it’s you, Sesshomaru.’ Turning over to my side, I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
~*~*~*~
The reason why Kagome never went in that night was because she couldn’t handle seeing me in the condition I was in, according to Sesshomaru. But I think it was because she just didn’t care, I mean she never liked Hojo when he was alive anyway. She always kept trying to convince me to stop hanging around with him but I never listened to her. I was in love and I didn’t care what she thought. But I was in the same situation again and that time, I cared more about her thoughts than of my feelings and it was frustrating me.After that night, Sesshomaru grew closer to me but I had set a limit to how close he could get. As for Kagome, she never found out that he spent the night in MY room, with ME, AND in my bed. She would never forgive me if she did, even though it really wasn’t my fault. As for Hojo, his death wasn’t as painful as it was before; I’d finally learned how to accept it. I kept the keys to his place and started to use his car since Kagome took over the Jaguar we have. But I had to get my license first because I didn’t have it; I never really had a use for it at the beginning. I kept myself busy for a couple of weeks, studying and passed the tests with flying colors. I became more independent and stopped relying on Kagome for things. For some reason, we grew apart. We wouldn’t talk as much as we used to much less do things together. I believe it was because she began to suspect something going on between Sesshomaru and I, which in reality there was nothing. But previous experiences caused me to lose her full trust when it came to being around any of her “boyfriends”. About money, I never had to ask for it since my parents had set up separate accounts for each of us knowing Kagome’s need to spend money like crazy. I had all of MY money saved up.
A couple of months passed by and it seemed that things between Kagome and Sesshomaru were improving. They were going out together much more often and doing things on their own like they’d done before. As for me, I know I should’ve been happy for them but in reality, I wasn’t. Many times they took me with them on their “dates,” claiming that they were afraid of leaving me alone because of Koga. Those times felt like hell to me, so much that I couldn’t bear to even look at them because I felt jealous of Kagome; I wanted to be in the position she was in. What I would end up doing was separating myself from them until it was time to return home. It would infuriate Sesshomaru every time but it was something I just had to do and I couldn’t tell him why. Even with the newfound trust I had with him, I just couldn’t do it.
But just when things seemed that they couldn’t get any better between them, or so I thought, I was surprised to find out that I was SO VERY wrong…
That morning when I got up, I immediately hit the shower and dressed. Since I had nothing else to do, I spent all morning in the study using the computer. I surfed the net and chatted with some friends, believe me I was bored. Kagome had left to take care of some affairs over at the company, leaving Sesshomaru and I all alone. When I was finally tired of sitting around I shut down the computer, stood up and walked out to the living room. I was surprised to see Sesshomaru sitting on the couch reading the newspaper.
He turned towards me and smiled, “Good afternoon, I didn’t think you were here.”
I stopped and turned towards him, smiling, “Oh yeah, I’ve been in the study all morning.”
He closed the newspaper and placed it down onto the sofa, “Ah, what were you doing?”
“I was using the computer.”
He sat back and crossed his arms, still smiling; “Did you find anything interesting?”
Shaking my head a bit, “No… not really… but I was chatting for a while.”
At that moment, his smile faded, “Oh, with whom?”
Raising an eyebrow, I tilted my head to the side and placed my hands on my hips, “Why so many questions all of a sudden?”
Suddenly, he stood and started to walk towards me, “Just answer them.”
I rolled my eyes and looked back at him, “With my friends. Anything else you’d like to know?”
That’s when he walked up to me and stood right in front, looking right at me, “Actually, there is one more thing.”
I looked at him and took a step back, trying to keep some distance between us but it only made him take another until I hit the wall. Surprised, “Sesshomaru, what are you doing?”
He extended his arms towards the wall and supported himself by placing one hand on each side just above my shoulders. His eyes filled with determination but still held a soft look to them. My eyes widened and locked with his, I was in absolute shock. I didn’t know what to do or how to react but out of instinct, I placed my hands on his chest, pushing him back slightly still trying to keep some distance but failed miserably. He leaned in closer, so close that I felt his hot breath hitting my face. I closed my eyes and felt my heart beating so fast that I thought it was going to burst.
The fact that he was so close made my breathing become erratic and my throat had become dry, making it hard to speak, “Sess… what… is… it?”
My eyes widened and I gasped when I felt him nuzzle my neck with his nose, stroking it lightly. I could almost hear his heartbeat, feeling it beat as fast as mine when he suddenly whispered in my right ear, “What am I to you?” Then he started brushing his lips along my jawbone down to my chin and back up.
The sensation of his lips sent chills throughout my entire body. I gasped again and slightly pushed him back, making him turn to face me, “What are you talking about?”
Looking into my eyes, “I need to know what part I play in your life and don’t lie to me.”
Shaking my head, “I don’t understand. Where is this coming from? Why are you asking me this?”
He leaned in again and started to place feathery kisses along my left cheekbone and whispered in my left ear, “Just answer me.”
I gasped and pushed him back once more, “Sesshomaru, stop it. This can’t happen.” It hurt me to say it, but it was the truth. He was still with Kagome and I didn’t want be the reason why they would end their relationship.
He looked into my eyes and gripped onto my shoulders, squeezing them gently, his voice stern, “Why not? Why can’t it?”
Slightly raising my voice, “Because you’re dating my sister remember? I can’t betray Kagome like this, not again.”
He turned away from me, looking to the side, “Kagome…. Humph…. We haven’t exactly been on good terms with her lately.” Shaking his head, “I don’t understand her sometimes.” Then turns back to me, “But you…”
Cutting him off, “I can’t do this.” I loosened myself from his grip and stepped away, keeping my back towards him. Crossing my arms, I shook my head and looked towards the window, “I can’t go through this again.”
He grabbed onto my arm and turned me around to face him, holding onto both my biceps and sounding slightly frustrated, “Go through what again?”
Looking straight at him, I pushed him back but he still didn’t let go, “This… with you.” Shaking my head, “I just don’t get it, why does it always have to happen?”
He shook his head, looking confused, “I don’t understand.”
I raised my voice as my hands fisted at my sides, “Of course you don’t. Now let me guess you were going to tell me that you’ve fallen in love with me, weren’t you? I DARE you to tell me that I’m wrong.”
His jaw nearly dropped and his amber orbs widened but he said nothing. A few seconds later, I felt him loosen his grip and remained silent, just continued to look at me.
I stood in front of him, locking my eyes with his; “This is NOT the first time I’ve heard this. It happens everytime Kagome gets a new boyfriend, they end up falling for me. Even though I reject them, they still continue to approach me. Haven’t you noticed that she hates me? THAT’S the reason why she does. I’M the reason why she can’t stay together with anyone and I’M the reason why she’s so unhappy.” He stood still, shocked at what I’d just revealed to him. I turned my back to him and crossed my arms again as I sighed, “Maybe it would be better if I just left. Probably all of this wouldn’t happen.” All of a sudden, he grabbed hold of my arm and quickly turned me towards him. His grip firm on my biceps, as he looked me straight in the eyes.
His eyes were filled with anger and he practically yelled, “So what if I am? What are you going to do about it? Tell me not to and expect me to continue on with my feelings for you? That’s not going to happen.” He released my right arm and loosened his grip. Then lifted his hand to cup my cheek in his hand, caressing it as his eyes softened, “There’s a slight spark of hope in your eyes Rin. I want to be the one to help you uncover that hope, I want to be the one to help you with your problems and I want to be the one you open your heart to.”
My eyes widened and I felt my heart almost skip a beat. But I couldn’t let it get to me; it wasn’t just for my own good but for the good of us all that I had to reject him. I had to reject to his confession and break his heart, which was something he truly didn’t deserve.
I removed my face from his hand and moved to walk away from him, “I don’t need your pity.”
He pulled me towards him, turning us around and cornering me against the wall; I placed my hands on his chest again trying to push him off as he yelled, “I’M NOT PITYING YOU, DAMN IT! I’M IN LOVE WITH YOU. Don’t you get it? Nothing you say is going to change how I feel. I know that you feel something for me too. Don’t dare to deny it; I can see it in your eyes, in the way you look at me. Now I dare YOU to tell me that I’m wrong.”
My eyes widened and I gasped at hearing the words I always desired to hear from him. They left me absolutely shocked and speechless, making my blood run to the floor and my heart almost stop. Nonetheless, I held on to as much control as I could but I was losing fast. Shaking my head slightly,“I… can’t… love… you.”
Nodding and looking down at my lips, as his approached mine “Yes… you can.” That’s when he pressed his lips against mine. I gasped at the feeling of them and was left frozen still. I guess when he felt me not respond to him, he started moving; placing small light kisses around my lips and deepened them as he continued.
Oh his lips felt AMAZING, so warm and so soft. As I closed my eyes, I tried to fight for whatever control I had left but I lost myself in the feeling of him. I wanted it for so long, dreamed about it and now that it was happening, I couldn’t hold myself back any longer even though my brain screamed NO.
So I slid one hand up and placed it on his nape, caressing his cheek with my thumb. I heard him almost purr at the movement of my hand and suddenly pulled back. When I felt him stop kissing me, I opened my eyes and stared in his. They’d changed dramatically, now they mirrored all that he’d been hiding all of this time; all the love he’d hidden was being reflected through his amber orbs. He smiled, wrapped his hand around my neck before he pulled me in and captured my lips once more, that time filling his kiss with much passion. He released my arm and wrapped his around my waist, pulling me closer to him. I closed my eyes again and found myself responding to him and no matter if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to stop even if I wanted to and I didn’t. I lifted my other hand and placed it around his neck, sliding it through his silver locks.
I was right; they WERE smooth and soft to the touch. I felt his tongue brush my lips, begging for them to part. But just as I was about to give him access to the deepest part of my soul, I heard it and I’m sure he heard it too. The voice that broke everything,
“Just what the FUCK is going on here?”
I quickly opened my eyes and looked to the side. There stood Kagome, with her hands at her hips and her eyes burning with rage, mostly at me. I immediately released Sesshomaru and he turned to face her, standing in front of me.
I was afraid. The look Kagome had in her eyes scared me to death. I didn’t know how she was going to react to it and most likely it wasn’t going to be well. I just stood behind Sesshomaru, using him as a shield against her.
She crossed her arms and raised her voice, “Well, what is it? What’s your excuse this time Rin?”
I heard Sesshomaru telling her, “Kagome, calm down.”
Hissing at him, “I’M NOT TALKING TO YOU SESSHOMARU.” Then turned towards me, “RIN ANSWER ME DAMN IT. YOU FUCKING SLUT, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?” Her words piercing my heart like a thousand daggers, it hurt and I looked away from her.
Yelling, “KAGOME, DON’T TALK TO HER THAT WAY!” When I heard him defend me, I looked back and up to him, seeing it his face that he was determined to protect.
Turning towards him, “MIND YOUR DAMN BUSINESS AND I CAN TALK TO HER HOW EVER I FEEL LIKE IT!”
I saw him fist his hands in anger, but didn’t make a move. Just as he was going to say something back to her, I placed my hand on his arm and he turned towards me. Shaking my head, “Sesshomaru, don’t. You’ll only make it worse.”
He was about to cover my hand with his when Kagome jumped towards us, “KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF HIM!” She pushed me fiercely to the side, making me nearly slam hard into the wall but I still hit it pretty hard. Suddenly, she walked up to me, “YOU FUCKING WHORE!” and slapped me so hard that it made me lose my balance and almost fall to the ground.
Sesshomaru gasped and pulled Kagome back immediately after she’d slapped me and kept a hold on her but she kept trying to nudge her way out of his grasp.
I regained my balance and turned to her as I covered my injured cheek with my hand. Shaking my head slightly, “Kagome, I’m sorry.”
Her eyes widened and filled up with more rage, taking another step closer, “SORRY? YOU’RE SORRY? SORRY DOESN’T CUT IT RIN. THIS ISN’T THE FIRST TIME YOU’VE DONE THIS TO ME AND IT’S ALWAYS THE SAME THING, THAT YOU’RE SORRY. WELL IT’S NOT GOING TO SAVE YOU THIS TIME.”
She was about to lunge at me again but luckily Sesshomaru grabbed a hold of her again and pulled her back, “Kagome, stop this! Calm yourself down. This is not going to get you anywhere.”
She struggled against him to loosen herself from his grasp but he’d wrapped his arms around her waist making it difficult, “NO, LET… ME… GO. SHE HAS TO PAY. SHE HAS TO PAY FOR ALL THE TIMES SHE’S DONE THIS TO ME. SHE’S NOTHING TO ME ANYMORE. I HATE HER.” Looking towards me, “DID YOU HEAR ME RIN? I HATE YOU. I DON’T WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE. GET THE FUCK OUT OF THIS HOUSE, I DON’T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN.”
“KAGOME!” Sesshomaru screamed.
My heart shattered to pieces at her words, she really didn’t care. My eyes widened and filled with tears, I couldn’t help it and began to cry. I didn’t know what to do so I turned and ran towards my room.
Although as I was running, I heard Sesshomaru call my name but I didn’t pay attention and entered my room. Once inside, I leaned against the door and could hear Kagome screaming and then a door slammed. By then, I was sobbing uncontrollably, a river of tears flowing down my cheeks. I pushed myself away from the door and began to get some things together. I grabbed whatever I could get my hands on, stuffed them in a duffel bag, grabbed my purse and keys and walked out the door.
As I was walking past the dining room, I’d calmed down a little but still had tears rolling down my cheeks. I entered the living room and noticed that Kagome wasn’t there anymore but Sesshomaru was.
He was standing by the window, leaning with his forehead resting on his hand. He turned up to me, “Rin.”
I continued to walk and stopped right before the door. I turned to face him, lightly, “Where is she?”
He started walking towards me; “She’s in her room now.” Standing in front of me. Then he asked, sounding frustrated, “Rin, why do you let her insult you like that? Why did you stop me from stopping her?”
I shook my head, lightly, “It wouldn’t have done any good Sess, it would’ve only made things worse. Regardless of what happened, I would’ve ended up leaving anyway. So could you please let her know that I’ll be back tomorrow for the rest of my things and that I’m really sorry for everything.”
Surprised, “You’re really planning to leave?”
Nudging my head towards her room, “You heard her. She doesn’t want me here anymore. I can’t stay where I’m not wanted.”
He shook his head, “But this is your house, you don’t have to leave if you don’t want to.”
Nodding, “I know but remember, it’s hers’ also. So technically she can and I don’t want to make matters worse that what they already are.” Lowering my head and looking at the ground.
He reached up and cupped my cheek, lifting my head to look at him. He wiped the tears away with his thumb as he shook his head, “Rin, don’t go.”
I closed my eyes and nudged my head into his hand, savoring his sweet touch and feeling it soothe my sore cheek before I looked up and whispered, shaking my head, “I’m sorry but I have to,” raising my hand to remove his and taking a step back. The look on his face was more that enough to make more tears to appear and they started becoming uncontrollable. So I turned towards the door; opened it and stopped to look at him, saying, “Goodbye,” before I stepped out and closed the door behind me.
I quickly walked to my car, biting my lip so I wouldn’t cry and threw the bag to the back. I made my way over to the driver’s seat and drove off, not looking back. I had tears rolling down the entire time as I headed to the only place I had left, Hojo’s apartment. When I arrived to the apartments, I parked in the garage and made my way up to the loft. Entering it, I closed the door behind me and walked up to the living room, dropping the bag and my purse on the sofa. Then, I made my way over to the bathroom. I switched on the light before I entered and closed the door behind me. Leaning on it, I couldn’t hold it anymore and began to cry, sliding down slowly until I sat on the floor. I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Then, I lowered my head, resting it on my arms and started sobbing uncontrollably into them.
I remember I cried for the rest of the day, not moving from my position at all even after I’d fallen asleep. Not seeing the light of day until the next morning when I was sure that not even the sun itself was going to be able to warm the cold feeling running through me that moment.
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